TheybroughtthenewstoRevereandhegroaned“AnyonebutBobbyandIshouldn’thavecared！TheSergeant-Majorwasright。”
　　“Notgoingoutthisjourney。”gaspedBobby，ashewasliftedfromthedoolie“Notgoingoutthisjourney。”Thenwithanairofsupremeconviction-“Ican’t，yousee。”
　　“NotifIcandoanything！”saidtheSurgeon-Major，whohadhastenedoverfromthemesswherehehadbeendining。
　　HeandtheRegimentalSurgeonfoughttogetherwithDeathforthelifeofBobbyWickTheirworkwasinterruptedbyahairyapparitioninablue-greydressing-gownwhostaredinhorroratthebedandcried-“Oh，myGawdItcan’tbe’im！”untilanindignantHospitalOrderlywhiskedhimaway。
　　Ifcareofmananddesiretolivecouldhavedoneaught，BobbywouldhavebeensavedAsitwas，hemadeafightofthreedays，andtheSurgeon-Major’sbrowuncreased“We’llsavehimyet。”hesaid；andtheSurgeon，who，thoughherankedwiththeCaptain，hadaveryyouthfulheart，wentoutuponthewordandprancedjoyouslyinthemud。
　　“Notgoingoutthisjourney。”whisperedBobbyWick，gallantly，attheendofthethirdday。
　　“Bravo！”saidtheSurgeon-Major“That’sthewaytolookatit，Bobby。”
　　AseveningfellagreyshadegatheredroundBobby’smouth，andheturnedhisfacetothetentwallwearilyTheSurgeon-Majorfrowned。
　　“I’mawfullytired。”saidBobby，veryfaintly“What’stheuseofbotheringmewithmedicine？
　　I~on’t-want-itLetmealone。”
　　Thedesireforlifehaddeparted，andBobbywascontenttodriftawayontheeasytideofDeath。
　　“It’snogood。”saidtheSurgeonMajor“Hedoesn’twanttolive。
　　He’smeetingit，poorchild。”Andheblewhisnose。
　　Halfamileaway，theregimentalbandwasplayingtheoverturetotheSing。
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　　song，forthemenhadbeentoldthatBobbywasoutofdanger。
　　TheclashofthebrassandthewailofthehornsreachedBobby’sears。
　　Isthereasinglejoyorpain，ThatIshouldneverkno~ow？
　　Youdonot~oveme，’tisinvain，Bidmegood-byeandgo！
　　Anexpressionofhopelessirritationcrossedtheboy’sface，andhetriedtoshakehishead。
　　TheSurgeon-Majorbentdown-“Whatisit？Bobby？”-“Notthatwaltz。”mutteredBobby。
　　“That’sourown-ourveryownestown。
　　Mummydear。”
　　Withthishesankintothestuporthatgaveplacetodeathearlynextmorning。
　　Revere，hiseyesredattherimsandhisnoseverywhite，wentintoBobby’stenttowritealettertoPapaWickwhichshouldbowthewhiteheadoftheex-CommissionerofChota-BuldanainthekeenestsorrowofhislifeBobby’slittlestoreofpaperslayinconfusiononthetable，andamongthemahalf-finishedletterThelastsentenceran：
　　“Soyousee，darling，thereisreallynofear，becauseaslongasI
　　knowyoucareformeandIcareforyou，nothingcantouchme。”
　　ReverestayedinthetentforanhourWhenhecameout，hiseyeswereredderthanever。
　　PrivateConklinsatonaturned-downbucket，andlistenedtoanotunfamiliartunePrivateConklinwasaconvalescentandshouldhavebeentenderlytreated。
　　“Ho！”saidPrivateConklin“There’sanotherbloomin’orf’cerda~d。”
　　Thebucketshotfromunderhim，andhiseyesfilledwithasmithyfulofsparksAtallmaninablue-greybedgownwasregardinghimwithdeepdisfavor。
　　“Yououghttotakeshameforyourself，Conky！Orf’cer？-bloomin’
　　orf’cer？I’lllearnyoutomisnamethelikesof’imHangel！Bloomin’Hangel！That’swot’eis！”
　　AndtheHospitalOrderlywassosatisfiedwiththejusticeofthepunishmentthathedidnotevenorderPrivateDormerbacktohiscot。
　　IntheMatterofaPrivateHurrah！hurrah！asoldier’slifeforme！Shout，boys，shout！foritmakesyoujollyandfree-
　　TheRamrodCorps。
　　PEOPLEwhohaveseen，saythatoneofthequaintestspectaclesofhumanfrailtyisanoutbreakofhystericsinagirls’schoolItstartswithoutwarning，generallyonahotafternoonamongtheelderpupilsAgirlgigglestillthegigglegetsbeyondcontrol。
　　Thenshethrowsupherhead，andcries，“Honk，honk，honk。”likeawildgoose，andtearsmixwiththelaughterIfthen，istresbewiseshewillrapoutsometl~ngsevercatthispoint0checkmattersIfshebetender-hearted，andsendforadrinkofwater，thechancesarelargelyini42
　　WORKSOFRUDYARDKIPLING
　　favorofanothergirllaughingattheafflictedoneandherselfcollapsingThusLhetroublespreads，andmayendinhalfofwhatanswerstotheLowerSixthofaboys’schoolrockingandwhoopingtogetherGivenaweekofwarmweather，twostatelypromenadesperdiem，aheavymuttonandricemealinthemiddleoftheday，acertainamountofnaggingfromtheteachers，andafewotherthings，someamazingeffectsdevelopAtleastthisiswhatfolksaywhohavehadexperience。
　　Now，theMotherSuperiorofaConventandtheColonelofaBritishInfantryRegimentwouldbejustlyshockedatanycomparisonbeingmadebetweentheirrespectivechargesButitisafactthat，undercertaincircumstances，Thomasinbulkcanbeworkedupintoditthering，ripplinghysteriaHedoesnotweep，butheshowshistroubleunmistakably，andtheconsequencesgetintothenewspapers，andallthegoodpeoplewhohardlyknowaMartinifrom~Snidersay：
　　“Takeawaythebrute’sammunition！”
　　Thomasisn’tabrute，andhisbusiness，whichistolookafterthevirtuouspeople，nemandsthatheshallhavehisam-munitiontohishandHedoesn’twearsilkstockings，andhereallyoughttohesuppliedwithanewAdjectivetohelphimtoexpresshisopinions；but，forallthat，heisagreatmanIfyoucallhim“theheroicdefenderofthenationalhonor“oneday，and“abrutalandlicentioussoldiery“thenext，younaturallybewilderhim，andhelooksuponyouwithsuspicion。
　　ThereisnobodytospeakforThomasexceptpeoplewhohavetheoriestoworkoffonhim；andnobodyunderstandsThomasexceptThomas，andhedoesnotalwayskno~whatisthematterwithhimself。
　　ThatistheprologueThisisthestory：
　　CorporalSlanewasengagedtobemarriedtoMissJhansiM’Kenna，whosehistoryiswellknownintheregimentandelsewhereHehadhisColonel’spermission，and，beingpopularwiththemen，everyarrangementhadbeenmadetogivetheweddingwhatPrivateOrtheriscalled“eeklar。”Itfellintheheartofthehotweather，and，afterthewedding，SlanewasgoinguptotheHillswiththeBrideNonetheless，Slane’sgrievancewasthattheaffairwouldheonlyahired-carriagewedding，andhefeltthatthe“eeklar“ofthatwasmeagreMissM’KennadidnotcaresomuchTheSergeant’swifewashelpinghertomakeherwedding-dress，andshewasverybusySlanewas，justthen，theonlymoderatelycontentedmaninbarracksAlltherestweremoreorlessmiserable。
　　Andtheyhadsomuchtomakethemhappy，tooAlltheirworkwasoverateightinthemorning，andfortherestofthedaytheycouldlieontheirbacksandsmokeCanteen-plugandswearatthepunkab-cooliesTheyenjoyedafine，fullfleshmealinthemiddleoftheday，andthenthrewthemselvesdownontheircot~andsweatedandslepttillitwascoolenoughtogooutwiththeir“towny。”whosevocabularycontainedlessthansixhundredwords，andtheAdjective，andwhoseviewsoneveryconceivablequestiontheyhadheardmanytimesbefore。
　　TherewastheCanteen，ofcourse，andtherewastheTemperanceRoomwiththesecond-handpapersinit；butINThEMATTEROFAPRIVATE
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　　amanofanyprofessioncannotreadforeighthoursadayinatemperatureof960or980intheshade，runningupsometimesto1030atmidnightVeryfewmen，eventhoughtheygetapannikinofflat，stale，muddybeerandhideitundertheircots，cancontinuedrinkmgforsixhoursadayOnemantried，buthedied，andnearlythewholeregimentwenttohisfuneralbecauseitgavethemsomethingtodoItwastooearlyfortheexcitementoffeverorcholera。
　　Themencouldonlywaitandwaitandwait，andwatchtheshadowofthebarrackcreepingacrosstheblindingwhitedustThatwasagaylife。
　　Theyloungedaboutcantonments-itwastoohotforanysortofgame，andalmosttoohotforvice-andfuddledthemselvesintheevening，andfilledthemselvestodistensionwiththehealthynitrogenousfoodprovidedforthem，andthemoretheystokedthelessexercisetheytookandmoreexplosivetheygrewThentempersbegantowearaway，andmenfella-broodingoverinsultsrealorimaginary，fortheyhadnothingelsetothinkofThetoneofthereparteeschanged，andinsteadofsayinglight-heartedly：“I’llknockyoursillyfacein。”mengrewlaboriouslyp0liteandhintedthatthecantonmentswerenotbigenoughforthemselvesandtheirenemy，andthattherewouldhemorespaceforoneofthetwoinanotherplace。
　　ItmayhavebeentheDevilwhoarrangedthething，butthefactof，hecaseisthatLossonhadforalongtimebeenworryingSimmonsinanaimlesswayItgavehimoccupationThetwohadtheircotssidebyside，andwouldsometimesspendalongafternoonswearingateachother；butSimmonswasafraidofLossonanddarednotchallengehimtoafightHethoughtoverthewordsinthehotstillnights，andhalfthehatehefelttowardLossonbeventedonthewretchedpunkahcoolie。
　　Lossonboughtaparrotinthebazar，andputitintoalittlecage，andloweredthecageintothecooldarknessofawell，andsatonthewell-curb，shoutingbadlanguagedowntotheparrotHetaughtittosay：“Simmons，yeso-oor。”whichmeansswine，andseveralotherthingsentirelyunfitforpublicationHewasabiggrossman，andheshooklikeajellywhentheparrothadthesentencecorrectlySimmons，however，shookwithrage，foralltheroomwerelaughingathim-theparrotwassuchadisreputablepuffofgreenfeathersanditlookedsohumanwhenitchatteredLossonusedtosit，swinginghisfatlegs，onthesideofthecot，andasktheparrotwhatitthoughtofSimmonsTheparrotwouldanswer：
　　“Simmons，yeso-oor。”“Goodboy。”Lossonusedtosay，scratchingtheparrot’shead；“ye’earthat，Sim？”AndSimmonsusedtoturnoveronhisstomachandmakeanswer：“I’earTake’eedyoudon’t’earsomethingoneofthesedays。”
　　Intherestlessnights，afterhehadbeenasleepallday，fitsofblindragecameuponSimmonrandheldhimtillhetrembledallover，whilehethoughtinhowmanydifferentwayshewouldslayLossonSometimeshewouldpicturehimselftramplingthelifeoutoftheman，withheavyammunition-boots，andatotherssmashinginhisfacewith244
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　　thebutt，andatoth~r~jumpingonhisshouldersanddraggingtheheadbacktillthenecKbonecrackedThenhismouthwouldfeelhotandfevered，andhewouldreachoutforanothersupofthebeerintuepannikin。
　　ButthefancythatcametohimmostfrequentlyandstayedwithhimlongestwasoneconnectedwiththegreatrolloffatunderLosson’srightearHenoticeditfirstonamoonlightnight，andthereafteritwasalwaysbeforehiseyesItwasafascinatingrolloffatAmancouldgethishanduponitandtearawayonesideoftheneck；orhecouldplacethemuzzleofarifleonitandblowawayalltheheadinaflashLossonhadnorighttobesleekandcontentedandwell-to-do，whenhe，Simmons，wasthebuttoftheroom，Someday，perhaps，hewouldshowthosewholaughedatthe“Simmons，yeso-oor“joke，thathewasasgoodastherest，andheldaman’slifeinthecrookofhisforefingerWhenLossonsnored，SimmonshatedhimmorebitterlythaneverWhyshouldLossonbeabletosleepwhenSimmonshadtostayawakehourafterhour，tossingandturningonthetapes，withthedullliverpaingnawingintohisrightsideandhisheadthrobbingandachingafterCanteen？Hethoughtoverthisformanynights，andtheworldbecameunprofitabletohimHeevenbluntedhisnaturallyfineappetitewithbeerandtobacco；andallthewhiletheparrottalkedatandmadeamockofhim。
　　TheheatcontinuedandthetempersworeawaymorequicklythanbeforeASergeant’swifediedofheat-apoplexyinthenight，andtherumorranabroadthatitwascholeraMenrejoicedopenly，hopingthatitwouldspreadandsendthemintocamp。
　　Butthatwasafalsealarm。
　　ItwaslateonaTuesdayevening，andthemenwerewaitinginthedeepdoubleverandasfor“LastPosts。”whenSimmonswenttotheboxatthefootofhisbed，tookauthispipe，andslammedtheliddownwithabangthatechoedthroughthedesertedbarracklikethecrackofarifleOrdinarilyspeaking，themenwouldhavetakennonotice；
　　buttheirnerveswerefrettedtofiddle-stringsTheyjumpedup，andthreeorfourclatteredintothebarrack-roomonlytofindSimmonskneelingbyhisbox。
　　“OwlIt’syou，isit？”theysaidandlaughedfoolishly“Weth0ught’twas“-SimmonsroseslowlyIfth~accidenthadsoshakenhisfellows，whatwouldnottherealitydo？
　　“Youthoughtitwas-didyou？Andwhatmakesyouthink？”hesaid，iashmghimselfintomadnessashewenton；“toHellwithyourthinking，yedirtyspies。”
　　“Simmons，yeso-oor。”chuckledtheparrotintheveranda，sleepily，recognizingawell-knownvoiceNowthatwasabsolutelyall。
　　ThetensionsnappedSimmonsfellbackonthearm-rackdeliberately，-themenwereatthefarendoftheroom，-andtookouthisrifleandpacketofammunition。
　　“Don’tgo~layingthegoat，Sim！”saidLosson“Putitdown。”buttherewasaquaverinhisvoiceAnothermanstooped，slippedhisbootandhurleditatSimmon’sheadThepromptanswerwasashotINThEMATTEROFAPRIVATE