`Butstay,Helen;sitdownalittle,andcomposeyourself。MrBoarhamisinnoparticularhurry,forhehaslittledoubtofyouracceptance;
andIwanttospeakwithyou。Tellme,mydear,whatareyourobjectionstohim?Doyoudenythatheisallupright,honourableman?’
`No。’
`Doyoudenythatbeisasensible,sober,respectable?’
`No;hemaybeallthis,but——’
`But,Helen!Howmanysuchmendoyouexpecttomeetwithintheworld?Upright,honourable,sensible,sober,respectable!——Isthissuchaneverydaycharacterthatyoushouldrejectthepossessorofsuchnoblequalities,withoutamoment’shesitation?——Yes,nobleImaycallthem;for,thinkofthefullmeaningofeach,andhowmanyinestimablevirtuestheyincludeandImightaddmanymoretothelist,andconsiderthatallthisislaidatyourfeet:itisinyourpowertosecurethisinestimableblessingforlife——aworthyandexcellenthusband,wholovesyoutenderly,butnottoofondlysoastoblindhimtoyourfaults,andwillbeyourguidethroughoutlife’spilgrimage,andyourpartnerineternalbliss!Thinkhow——’
`ButIhatehim,aunt,’saidI,interruptingthisunusualflowofeloquence。
`Hatehim,Helen!IsthisaChristianspirit?——youhatehim?——andhesogoodaman!’
`Idon’thatehimasaman,butasahusband。Asaman,Ilovehimsomuch,thatIwishhimabetterwifethanI——oneasgoodashimself,orbetter——ifyouthinkthatpossible——providedshecouldlikehim;——butInevercould,andtherefore——’
`Butwhynot?Whatobjectiondoyoufind?’
`Firstly,heis,atleast,fortyyearsold——considerablymoreIshouldthink,andIambuteighteen;secondly,heisnarrow-mindedandbigotedintheextreme;thirdly,histastesandfeelingsarewhollydissimilartomine;fourthly,hislooks,voice,andmannerareparticularlydispleasingtome;andfinally,IhaveanaversiontohiswholepersonthatInevercansurmount。’
`Thenyououghttosurmountit!AndpleasetocomparehimforamomentwithMrHuntingdon,and,goodlooksapartwhichcontributenothingtothemeritoftheman,ortothehappinessofmarriedlife,andwhichyouhavesooftenprofessedtoholdinlightesteem,tellmewhichisthebetterman。’
`IhavenodoubtMrHuntingdonisamuchbettermanthanyouthinkhim,——butwearenottalkingabouthim,now,butaboutMrBoarham;andasIwouldrathergrow,live,anddieinsingleblessednessthanbehiswife’itilbutrightthatIshouldtellhimsoatonce,andputhimoutofsuspense——soletmego。’
`Butdon’tgivehimaflatdenial;hehasnoideaofsuchathing,anditwouldoffendhimgreatly:sayyouhavenothoughtsofmatrimony,atpresent——’
`ButIhavethoughtsofit。’
`Orthatyoudesireafurtheracquaintance。’
`ButIdon’tdesireafurtheracquaintance——quitethecontrary。’
Andwithoutwaitingforfurtheradmonitions,Ilefttheroom,andwenttoseekMrBoarham。Hewaswalkingupanddownthedrawing-room,hummingsnatchesoftunes,andnibblingtheendofhiscane。
`Mydearyounglady,’saidhe,bowingandsmirkingwithgreatcomplacency。`Ihaveyourkindguardian’spermission——’
`Iknow,sir,’saidI,wishingtoshortenthesceneasmuchaspossible,`andIamgreatlyobligedforyourpreference,butmustbegtodeclinethehonouryouwishtoconfer;for,Ithink,wewerenotmadeforeachother——asyouyourselfwouldshortlydiscoveriftheexperimentweretried。’
Myauntwasright:itwasquiteevidenthehadhadlittledoubtofmyacceptance,andnoideaofapositivedenial。Hewasamazed——astoundedatsuchananswer,buttooincreduloustobemuchoffended;andafteralittlehummingandhawing,hereturnedtotheattack。
`Iknow,mydear,thatthereexistsaconsiderabledisparitybetweenusinyears,intemperament,andperhapssomeotherthings,butletmeassureyou,Ishallnotbeseveretomarkthefaultsandfoiblesofayoungandardentnaturesuchasyours,andwhileIacknowledgethemtomyself,andevenrebukethemwithallafather’scare,believeme,noyouthfullovercouldbemoretenderlyindulgenttowardstheobjectofhisaffections,thanItoyou;and,ontheotherhand,letmehopethatmymoreexperiencedyearsandgraverhabitsofreflectionwillbenodisparagementinyoureyes,asIshallendeavourtomakethemallconducivetoyourhappiness。
Comenow!Whatdoyousay?——letushavenoyounglady’saffectationsandcaprices,butspeakoutatonce!’
`Iwill,butonlytorepeatwhatIsaidbefore,thatIamcertainwewerenotmadeforeachother。’
`Youreallythinkso?’
`Ido。’
`Butyoudon’tknowme——youwishforafurtheracquaintance——alongertimeto——’
`No,Idon’t。IknowyouaswellasIevershall,andbetterthanyouknowme,oryouwouldneverdreamofunitingyourselftoonesoincongruous——soutterlyunsuitabletoyouineveryway。’
`Butmydearyounglady,Idon’tlookforperfection,Icanexcuse——’
`Thankyou,MrBoarham,butIwon’ttrespassuponyourgoodness。
Youmaysaveyourindulgenceandconsiderationforsomemoreworthyobject,thatwon’ttaxthemsoheavily。’
`Butletmebegyoutoconsultyouraunt;thatexcellentlady,Iamsure,will——’
`Ihaveconsultedher;andIknowherwishescoincidewithyours;
butinsuchimportantmatters,Itakethelibertyofjudgingformyself;
andnopersuasioncanaltermyinclinations,orinducemetobelievethatsuchastepwouldbeconducivetomyhappiness,oryours——andIwonderthatamanofyourexperienceanddiscretionshouldthinkofchoosingsuchawife。’
`Ah,well!’saidhe——`Ihavesometimeswonderedatthatmyself。
Ihavesometimessaidtomyself,“NowBoarham,whatisthisyou’reafter?
Takecare,man——lookbeforeyouleap!Thisisasweet,bewitchingcreature,butremember,thebrightestattractionstothelovertoooftenprovethehusband’sgreatesttorments!”——Iassureyoumychoicehasnotbeenmadewithoutmuchreasoningandreflection。Theseemingimprudenceofthematchhascostmemanyananxiousthoughtbyday,andmanyasleeplesshourbynight;butatlength,Isatisfiedmyselfthatitwasnot,inverydeed,imprudent。Isawmysweetgirlwasnotwithoutherfaults,butofthese,heryouth,Itrusted,wasnotone,butratheranearnestofvirtuesyetunblown——astronggroundofpresumptionthatherlittledefectsoftemper,anderrorsofjudgment,opinion,ormannerwerenotirremediable,butmighteasilyberemovedormitigatedbythepatienteffortsofawatchfulandjudiciousadviser,andwhereIfailedtoenlightenandcontrol,IthoughtImightsafelyundertaketopardon,forthesakeofhermanyexcellencies。
Therefore,mydearestgirl,sinceIamsatisfied,whyshouldyouobject——onmyaccount,atleast。’
`Buttotellyouthetruth,MrBoarham,itisonmyownaccountIprincipallyobject;soletus——dropthesubject,’Iwouldhavesaid,`foritisworsethanuselesstopursueitanyfarther,’buthepertinaciouslyinterruptedmewith——
`Butwhyso?Iwouldloveyou,cherishyou,protectyou,etc。,etc。’
Ishallnottroublemyselftoputdownallthatpassedbetweenus。Sufficeittosay,thatIfoundhimverytroublesome,andveryhardtoconvincethatIreallymeantwhatIsaid,andreallywassoobstinateandblindtomyowninterests,thattherewasnoshadowofachancethateitherheormyauntwouldeverbeabletoovercomemyobjections。Indeed,IamnotsurethatIsucceededafterall,thoughweariedwithhissopertinaciouslyreturningtothesamepointandrepeatingthesameargumentsoverandoveragain,forcingmetoreiteratethesamereplies,Iatlengthturnedshortandsharpuponhim,andmylastwordswere——
`Itellyouplainly,thatitcannotbe。Noconsiderationcaninducemetomarryagainstmyinclinations。Irespectyou——atleast,Iwouldrespectyou,ifyouwouldbehavelikeasensibleman——butIcannotloveyou,andnevercould——andthemoreyoutalkthefartheryourepelme;sopraydon’tsayanymoreaboutit。’
Whereupon,hewishedmeagoodmorningandwithdrew,disconcertedandoffended,nodoubt;butsurelyitwasnotmyfault。
TheTenantofWildfellHall:Chapter17CHAPTER17FurtherWarningsThenextday,IaccompaniedmyuncleandaunttodinnerparryatMrWilmot’s。
Hehadtwoladiesstayingwithhim,hisnieceAnnabella,afinedashinggirl,orratheryoungwoman,ofsomefiveandtwenty,toogreataflirttobemarried,accordingtoherownassertion,butgreatlyadmiredbythegentlemen,whouniversallypronouncedherasplendidwoman,——andhergentlecousinMilicentHargrave,whohadtakenaviolentfancytome,mistakingmeforsomethingvastlybetterthanIwas。AndI,inreturn,wasveryfondofher——IshouldentirelyexcludepoorMilicentinmygeneralanimadversionsagainsttheladiesofmyacquaintance。Butitwasnotonheraccount,orhercousin’s,thatIhavementionedtheparty:itwasforthesakeofanotherofMrWilmot’sguests,towitMrHuntingdon。IhavegoodreasontorememberhispreSencethere,forthiswasthelasttimeIsawhim。
Hedidnotsitnearmeatdinner;foritwashisfatetohandinacapaciousolddowager,andminetobehandedinbyMrGrimsby,afriendofhis,butamanIverygreatlydisliked:therewasasinistercastinhiscountenance,andamixtureoflurkingferocityandfulsomeinsincerityinhisdemeanour,thatIcouldnotawaywith。Whatatiresomecustomthatis,bytheby——oneamongthemanysourcesoffactitiousannoyanceofthisultra-civilizedlife。Ifthegentlemenmustleadtheladiesintothedining-room,whycannottheytakethosetheylikebest?
Iamnotsure,however,thatMrHuntingdonwouldhavetakenme,ifhehadbeenatlibertytomakehisownselection。ItisquitepossiblehemighthavechosenMissWilmot;forsheseemedbentuponengrossinghisattentiontoherself,andheseemednothingloathtopaythehomageshedemanded。Ithoughtso,atleast,whenIsawhowtheytalkedandlaughed,andglancedacrossthetable,totheneglectandevidentumbrageoftheirrespectiveneighbours——andafterwards,asthegentlemenjoinedusinthedrawing。room,whenshe,immediatelyuponhisentrance,loudlycalleduponhimtobethearbiterofadisputebetweenherselfandanotherlady,andheansweredthesummonswithalacrity,anddecidedthequestionwithoutamoment’shesitationinherfavour——though,tomythinking,shewasobviouslyinthewrong——andthenstoodchattingfamiliarlywithherandagroupofotherladies;whileIsatwithMilicentHargrave,attheoppositeendoftheroom,lookingoverthelatter’sdrawingsandaidingherwithmycriticalobservationsandadvice,atherparticulardesire。Butinspiteofmyeffortstoremaincomposed,myattentionwanderedfromthedrawingstothemerrygroup,andagainstmybetterjudgmentmywrathrose,anddoubtlessmycountenancelowered;forMilicent,observingthatImustbetiredofherdaubsandscratches,beggedIwouldjointhecompanynow,anddefertheexaminationoftheremaindertoanotheropportunity。ButwhileIwasassuringherthatIhadnowishtojointhem,andwasnottired,MrHuntingdonhimselfcameuptothelittleroundtableatwhichwesat。
`Aretheseyours?’saidhe,carelesslytakinguponeofthedrawings。
`No,theyareMissHargrave’s。’
`Oh!well,let’shavealookatthem。’
And,regardlessofMissHargrave’sprotestationsthattheywerenotworthlookingat,hedrewachairtomyside,andreceivingtiledrawings,onebyonefrommyhand,successivelyscannedthemover,andthrewthemonthetable,butsaidnotawordaboutthem,thoughhewastalkingallthetime。Idon’tknowwhatMilicentHargravethoughtofsuchconduct,butIfoundhisconversationextremelyinteresting,thoughasIafterwardsdiscovered,whenIcametoanalyseit,itwaschieflyconfinedtoquizzingthedifferentmembersofthecompanypresent;andalbeithemadesomecleverremarks,andsomeexcessivelydrollones,Idonotthinkthewholewouldappearanythingveryparticular,ifwrittenhere,withouttheadventitiousaidsoflook,andtone,andgesture,andthatineffablebutindefinitecharm,whichcastahalooverallhedidandsaid,andwhichwouldhavemadeitadelighttolookinhisface,andhear。themusicofhisvoice,ifhehadbeentalkingpositivenonsense——andwhich,moreover,mademefeelsobitteragainstmyauntwhensheputastoptothisenjoyment,bycomingcomposedlyforward,underpretenceofwishingtoseethedrawings,thatshecaredandknewnothingabout,andwhilemakingbelievetoexaminethem,addressingherselftoMrHuntingdon,withoneofhercoldestandmostrepellentaspects,andbeginningaseriesofthemostcommonplaceandformidablyformalquestionsandobservations,onpurposetowresthisattentionfromme——onpurposetovexme,asIthought:andhavingnowlookedthroughtheportfolio,Ileftthemtotheirtê;te-à;-tê;te,andseatedmyselfonasofa,quiteapartfromthecompany——neverthinkinghowstrangesuchconductwouldappear,butmerelytoindulge,atfirst,thevexationofthemoment,andsubsequentlytoenjoymyprivatethoughts。