`Nomatter，’Ianswered——`toyou——youhavenolongeranyregardforme，itappears；andIhavenolongeranyforyou。’
　　`Hal-low！whatthedevilisthis？’hemuttered。
　　`Iwouldleaveyouto-morrow，’continuedI，`andneveragaincomeunderthisroof，butformychild’——Ipausedamomenttosteadymyvoice。
　　`Whatinthedevil’snameisthis，Helen？’criedhe。`Whatcanyoubedrivingat？’
　　`Youknow，perfectlywell。Letuswastenotimeinuselessexplanation，buttellme，willyou——’
　　Hevehementlysworeheknewnothingaboutit，andinsisteduponhearingwhatpoisonousoldwomanhadbeenblackeninghisname，andwhatinfamousliesIhadbeenfoolenoughtobelieve。
　　`Spareyourselfthetroubleofforswearingyourselfandrackingyourbrainstostifletruthwithfalsehood，’Icoldlyreplied。`Ihavetrustedtothetestimonyofnothirdperson。Iwasintheshrubberythisevening，andIsawandheardformyself。’
　　Thiswasenough。Heutteredasuppressedexclamationofconsternationanddismay，andmuttering，`Ishallcatchitnow！’setdownhiscandleonthenearestchair，and，rearinghisbackagainstthewall，stoodconfrontingmewithfoldedarms。
　　`Well！——whatthen？’saidhe，withthecalminsolenceofmingledshamelessnessanddesperation。
　　`Onlythis，’returnedI：`willyouletmetakeourchildandwhatremainsofmyfortune，andgo？’
　　`Gowhere？’
　　`Anywhere，wherehewillbesafefromyourcontaminatinginfluence，andIshallbedeliveredfromyourpresence——andyoufrommine。’
　　`No——byJoveIwon’t！’
　　`Willyouletmehavethechildthen，withoutthemoney？’
　　`Noryourselfwithoutthechild。DoyouthinkI’mgoingtobemadethetalkofthecountry，foryourfastidiouscaprices？’
　　`ThenImuststayhere；tobehatedanddespised——Buthenceforth，wearehusbandandwifeonlyinthename。’
　　`Verygood。’
　　`Iamyourchild’smother，andyourhousekeeper——nothingmore。Soyouneednottroubleyourselfanylonger，tofeigntheloveyoucannotfeel：Iwillexactnomoreheartlesscaressesfromyou——noroffer——norendurethemeither——Iwillnotbemockedwiththeemptyhuskofconjugalendearments，whenyouhavegiventhesubstancetoanother！’
　　`Verygood——ifyouplease。Weshallseewhowilltirefirst，mylady。’
　　`IfItire，itwillbeoflivingintheworldwithyou；notoflivingwithoutyourmockeryoflove。Whenyoutireofyoursinfulways，andshowyourselftrulyrepentant，Iwillforgiveyou——and，perhaps，trytoloveyouagain，thoughthatwillbehardindeed。’
　　`Humph！——andmeantime，youwillgoandtalkmeovertoMrs。Hargrave，andwritelongletterstoauntMaxwelltocomplainofthewickedwretchyouhavemarried？’
　　`Ishallcomplaintonoone。Hitherto，Ihavestruggledhardtohideyourvicesfromeveryeye，andinvestyouwithvirtuesyouneverpossessed——butnowyoumustlooktoyourself。’
　　Ilefthim——mutteringbadlanguagetohimself，andwentupstairs。
　　`YouarepoorlyMa’am，’saidRachel，surveyingmewithdeepanxiety。
　　`Itistootrue，Rachel！’saidI，answeringhersadlooksratherthanherwords。
　　`Iknewit——orIwouldn’thavementionedsuchathing。’
　　`Butdon’tyoutroubleyourselfaboutit，’saidI，kissingherpale，time-wastedcheek——`Icanbearit——betterthanyouimagine。’
　　`Yes，youwerealwaysfor“bearing。“——ButifIwasyouIwouldn’tbearit——I’dgivewaytoit，andcryrighthard！——andI’dtalktoo，Ijustwould——I’dlethimknowwhatitwasto——
　　`Ihavetalked，’saidI：`I’vesaidenough。’
　　`ThenI’dcry，’persistedshe。`Iwouldn’tlooksowhiteandsocalm，andburstmyheartwithkeepingitin！’
　　`Ihavecried，’saidI，smilinginspiteofmymisery；
　　`andIamcalmnow，really，sodon’tdiscomposemeagain，nurse：
　　letussaynomoreaboutit——anddon’t，mentionittotheservants——There，youmaygonow。Goodnight；——anddon’tdisturbyourrestforme：Ishallsleepwell——ifIcan。’
　　Notwithstandingthisresolution，Ifoundmybedsointolerablethat，beforetwoo’clock，Irose，and，lightingmycandlebytherushlightthatwasstillburning，Igotmydeskandsatdowninmydressing-gowntorecounttheeventsofthepastevening。Itwasbettertobesooccupiedthantobelyinginbedtorturingmybrainwithrecollectionsofthefarpastandanticipationsofthedreadfulfuture。Ihavefoundreliefindescribingtheverycircumstancesthathavedestroyedmypeace，aswellasthelittletrivialdetailsattendantupontheirdiscovery。NosleepIcouldhavegotthisnightwouldhavedonesomuchtowardscomposingmymind，andpreparingmetomeetthetrialsoftheday——Ifancyso，atleast——andyet，whenI
　　ceasewriting，Ifindmyheadachesterribly；andwhenIlookintotheglassIamstartledatmyhaggard，wornappearance。
　　Rachelhasbeentodressme，andsaysIhavehadasadnightofitshecansee。MilicenthasjustlookedintoaskmehowIwas。ItoldherIwasbetter，buttoexcusemyappearanceadmittedIhadhadarestlessnight——Iwishthisdaywereover！Ishudderatthethoughtsofgoingdowntobreakfast——howshallIencounterthemall？——YetletmerememberitisnotIthatamguilty：Ihavenocausetofear；andiftheyscornmeasthevictimoftheirguilt，Icanpitytheirfollyanddespisetheirscorn。
　　TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter34CHAPTERXXXIVCONCEALMENTEvening。Breakfastpassedwellover，Iwascalmandcoolthroughout。I
　　answeredcomposedlyallenquiriesrespectingmyhealth；andwhateverwasunusualinmylookormanner，wasgenerallyattributedtothetriflingindispositionthathadoccasionedmyearlyretirementlastnight。ButhowamItogetoverthetenortwelvedaysthatmustyetelapsebeforetheygo？Yetwhysolongfortheirdeparture？WhentheyaregonehowshallI
　　getthroughthemonthsoryearsofmyfuturelife，incompanywiththatmanlygreatestenemy——fornonecouldinjuremeashehasdone？Oh！whenIthinkhowfondly，howfoolishlyIhavelovedhim，howmadlyIhavetrustedhim，howconstantlyIhavelaboured，andstudied，andprayed，andstruggledforhisadvantage；andhowcruellyhehastrampledonmylove，betrayedmytrust，scornedmyprayersandtears，andeffortsforhispreservation——rushedmyhopes，destroyedmyyouth’sbestfeelings，anddoomedmetoalifeofhopelessmisery——asfarasmancandoit——itisnotenoughtosaythatInolongerlovemyhusband——IHATEhim！Thewordstaresmeinthefacelikeaguiltyconfession，butitistrue：Ihatehim——Ihatehim！——ButGodhavemercyonhismiserablesoul！——andmakehimseeandfeelhisguilt——I
　　asknoothervengeance！Ifhecouldbutfullyknowandtrulyfeelmywrongs，Ishouldbewellavenged；andIcouldfreelypardonall；butheissolost，sohardenedinhisheartlessdepravitythat，inthislife，Ibelieveheneverwill。Butitisuselessdwellingonthistheme：letmeseekoncemoretodissipatereflectionintheminordetailsofpassingevents。
　　Mr。Hargravehasannoyedmealldaylongwithhisserious，sympathizing，andashethinksunobtrusivepoliteness——ifitweremoreobtrusiveitwouldtroublemeless，forthenIcouldsnubhim；but，asitis，hecontrivestoappearsoreallykindandthoughtfulthatIcannotdosowithoutrudenessandseemingingratitude。IsometimesthinkIoughttogivehimcreditforthegoodfeelinghesimulatessowell；andthenagain，IthinkitismydutytosuspecthimunderthepeculiarcircumstancesinwhichIamplaced。
　　Hiskindnessmaynotallbefeigned，butstill，letnotthepurestimpulseofgratitudetohim，inducemetoforgetmyself，letmerememberthegameofchess，theexpressionsheusedontheoccasion，andthoseindescribablelooksofhis，thatsojustlyrousedmyindignation，andIthinkIshallbesafeenough。Ihavedonewelltorecordthemsominutely。
　　Ithinkhewishestofindanopportunityofspeakingtomealone：
　　hehasseemedtobeonthewatchallday，butIhavetakencaretodisappointhim；notthatIfearanythinghecouldsay，butIhavetroubleenoughwithouttheadditionofhisinsultingconsolations，condolences，orwhateverelsehemightattempt；and，forMilicent’ssake，Idonotwishtoquarrelwithhim。Heexcusedhimselffromgoingouttoshootwiththeothergentlemeninthemorning，underthepretextofhavingletterstowrite；andinsteadofretiringforthatpurposeintothelibrary，hesentforhisdeskintothemorning-roomwhereIwasseatedwithMilicentandLadyLowborough。
　　Theyhadbetakenthemselvestotheirwork；I，lesstodivertmymindthantodeprecateconversation，hadprovidedmyselfwithabook。MilicentsawthatIwishedtobequiet，andaccordinglyletmealone。Annabella，doubtless，sawittoo；butthatwasnoreasonwhysheshouldrestrainhertongue，orcurbhercheerfulspirits：sheaccordinglychattedaway，addressingherselfalmostexclusivelytome，andwiththeutmostassuranceandfamiliarity，growingthemoreanimatedandfriendly，thecolderandbriefermyanswersbecame。Mr。HargravesawthatIcouldillendureit；and，lookingupfromhisdesk，heansweredherquestionsandobservationsforme，asfarashecould，andattemptedtotransferhersocialattentionsfrommetohimself；
　　butitwouldnotdo。Perhaps，shethoughtIhadaheadacheandcouldnotbeartotalk——atanyrate，shesawthatherloquaciousvivacityannoyedmeasIcouldtellbythemaliciouspertinacitywithwhichshepersisted。
　　ButIcheckedit，effectually，byputtingintoherhandthebookIhadbeentryingtoread，ontheflyleafofwhichIhadhastilyscribbled，——
　　`Iamtoowellacquaintedwithyourcharacterandconducttofeelanyrealfriendshipforyou，and，asIamwithoutyourtalentfordissimulation，Icannotassumetheappearanceofit。Imust，therefore，begthathereafter，allfamiliarintercoursemayceasebetweenus；andifIstillcontinuetotreatyouwithcivility，asifyouwereawomanworthyofconsiderationandrespect，understandthatitisoutofregardforyourcousinMilicent’sfeelings，notforyours。’
　　Uponperusingthis，sheturnedscarletandbitherlip。Covertlytearingawaytheleaf，shecrumpleditupandputitinthefire，andthenemployedherselfinturningoverthepagesofthebookand，reallyorapparently，perusingitscontents。InalittlewhileMilicentannounceditherintentiontorepairtothenursery，andaskedifIwouldaccompanyher。
　　`Annabellawillexcuseus，’saidshe，`she’sbusyreading。’
　　`No，Iwon’t，’criedAnnabella，suddenlylooking-upandthrowingherbookonthetable。`IwanttospeaktoHelenaminute。YoumaygoMilicent，andshe’llfollowinawhile。’Milicentwent。`Willyouobligeme，Helen？’
　　continuedshe。
　　Herimpudenceastoundedme；butIcomplied，andfollowedherintothelibrary。Sheclosedthedoor，andwalkeduptothefire。
　　`Whofoldyouthis？’saidshe。
　　`Noone：Iamnotincapableofseeingformyself。’
　　`Ah，youaresuspicious！’criedshe，smilingwitha’gleamofhop——hitherto，therehadbeenakindofdesperationinherhardihood；
　　nowshewasevidentlyrelieved。
　　`ifIweresuspicious，’Ireplied，`Ishouldhavediscoveredyourinfamylongbefore。No，LadyLowborough，Idonotfoundmychargeuponsuspicion。’
　　`Onwhatdoyoufounditthen？’saidshe，throwingherselfintoanarm-chair，andstretchingoutherfeettothefender，withanobviousefforttoappearcomposed。
　　`Ienjoyamoonlightrambleaswellasyou，’Ianswered，steadilyfixingmyeyesuponher：`andtheshrubberyhappenstobeoneofmyfavouriteresorts。
　　Shecolouredagain，excessively，andremainedsilent，pressingherfingeragainstherteeth，andgazingintothefire。Iwatchedherafewmomentswithafeelingofmalevolentgratification；then，movingtowardsthedoor，Icalmlyaskedifshehadanythingmoretosay。
　　`Yes，yes！’criedsheeagerly，startingupfromherrecliningposture。`IwanttoknowifyouwilltellLordLowborough？’
　　`SupposeIdo？’
　　`Well，ifyouaredisposedtopublishthematter，Icannotdissuadeyou，ofcourse——buttherewillbeterribleworkifyoudo——andifyoudon’t，Ishallthinkyouthemostgenerousofmortalbeings——andifthereisanythingintheworldIcandoforyou——anythingshortof——’shehesitated。
　　`Shortofrenouncingyourguiltyconnectionwithmyhusband，I
　　supposeyoumean，saidI。
　　Shepaused，inevidentdisconcertionandperplexity，mingledwithangershedarednotshow。