byAristophanesanonymoustranslatorCHARACTERSINTHEPLAY
  LYSISTRATA
  CLEONICE
  MYRRHINE
  LAMPITO
  MAGISTRATES
  CINESIAS
  CHILDOFCINESIAS
  HERALDOFTHELACEDAEMONIANS
  ENVOYSOFTHELACEDAEMONIANS
  ANATHENIANCITIZEN
  CHORUSOFOLDMEN
  CHORUSOFWOMEN
  LYSISTRATA
  LYSISTRATA
  (SCENE:—AtthebaseoftheOrchestraaretwobuildings,thehouseofLYSISTRATAandtheentrancetotheAcropolis;awindingandnarrowpathleadsuptothelatter。BetweenthetwobuildingsistheopeningoftheCaveofPan。LYSISTRATAispacingupanddowninfrontofherhouse。)
  LYSISTRATA
  Ah!ifonlytheyhadbeeninvitedtoaBacchicrevelling,orafeastofPanorAphroditeorGenetyllis,why!thestreetswouldhavebeenimpassableforthethrongingtambourines!Nowthere’sneverawomanhere—ah!exceptmyneighbourCleonice,whomIseeapproachingyonder……Goodday,Cleonice。
  CLEONICE
  Goodday,Lysistrata;butpray,whythisdark,forbiddingface,mydear?Believeme,youdon’tlookabitprettywiththoseblackloweringbrows。
  LYSISTRATA
  Oh,Cleonice,myheartisonfire;Iblushforoursex。Menwillhaveitwearetrickyandsly……
  CLEONICE
  Andtheyarequiteright,uponmyword!
  LYSISTRATA
  Yet,lookyou,whenthewomenaresummonedtomeetforamatterofthegreatestimportance,theylieinbedinsteadofcoming。
  CLEONICE
  Oh!theywillcome,mydear;butit’snoteasy,youknow,forwomentoleavethehouse。Oneisbusypotteringaboutherhusband;
  anotherisgettingtheservantup;athirdisputtingherchildasleeporwashingthebratorfeedingit。
  LYSISTRATA
  ButItellyou,thebusinessthatcallsthemhereisfarandawaymoreurgent。
  CLEONICE
  Andwhydoyousummonus,dearLysistrata?Whatisitallabout?
  LYSISTRATA
  Aboutabigthing。
  CLEONICE(takingthisinadifferentsense;withgreatinterest)
  Andisitthicktoo?
  LYSISTRATA
  Yes,verythick。
  CLEONICE
  Andwearenotallonthespot!Imagine!
  LYSISTRATA(wearily)
  Oh!ifitwerewhatyousuppose,therewouldbeneveranabsentee。
  No,no,itconcernsathingIhaveturnedaboutandaboutthiswayandthatsomanysleeplessnights。
  CLEONICE(stillunabletobeserious)
  Itmustbesomethingmightyfineandsubtleforyoutohaveturneditaboutso!
  LYSISTRATA
  Sofine,itmeansjustthis,Greecesavedbythewomen!
  CLEONICE
  Bythewomen!Why,itssalvationhangsonapoorthreadthen!
  LYSISTRATA
  Ourcountry’sfortunesdependonus—itiswithustoundoutterlythePeloponnesians。
  CLEONICE
  Thatwouldbeanobledeedtruly!
  LYSISTRATA
  ToexterminatetheBoeotianstoaman!
  CLEONICE
  Butsurelyyouwouldsparetheeels。
  LYSISTRATA
  ForAthens’sakeIwillneverthreatensofelladoom;trustmeforthat。However,iftheBoeotianandPeloponnesianwomenjoinus,Greeceissaved。
  CLEONICE
  Buthowshouldwomenperformsowiseandgloriousanachievement,wewomenwhodwellintheretirementofthehousehold,cladindiaphanousgarmentsofyellowsilkandlongflowinggowns,deckedoutwithflowersandshodwithdaintylittleslippers?
  LYSISTRATA
  Ah,butthosearetheverysheet—anchorsofoursalvation—thoseyellowtunics,thosescentsandslippers,thosecosmeticsandtransparentrobes。
  CLEONICE
  Howso,pray?
  LYSISTRATA
  Thereisnotamanwillwieldalanceagainstanother……
  CLEONICE
  Quick,Iwillgetmeayellowtunicfromthedyer’s。
  LYSISTRATA……orwantashield。
  CLEONICE
  I’llrunandputonaflowinggown。
  LYSISTRATA……ordrawasword。
  CLEONICE
  I’llhasteandbuyapairofslippersthisinstant。
  LYSISTRATA
  Nowtellme,wouldnotthewomenhavedonebesttocome?
  CLEONICE
  Why,theyshouldhaveflownhere!
  LYSISTRATA
  Ah!mydear,you’llseethatliketrueAthenians,theywilldoeverythingtoolate……Why,there’snotawomancomefromtheshore,notonefromSalamis。
  CLEONICE
  ButIknowforcertaintheyembarkedatdaybreak。
  LYSISTRATA
  AndthedamesfromAcharnae!why,Ithoughttheywouldhavebeentheveryfirsttoarrive。
  CLEONICE
  Theagenes’wifeatanyrateissuretocome;shehasactuallybeentoconsultHecate……Butlook!herearesomearrivals—andtherearemorebehind。Ah!ha!nowwhatcountrywomenmaytheybe?
  LYSISTRATA
  TheyarefromAnagyra。
  CLEONICE
  Yes!uponmyword,’tisalevyenmasseofallthefemalepopulationofAnagyra!
  (MYRRHINEenters,followedbyotherwomen。)
  MYRRHINE
  Arewelate,Lysistrata?Tellus,pray;what,notaword?
  LYSISTRATA
  Icannotsaymuchforyou,Myrrhine!youhavenotbestirredyourselfovermuchforanaffairofsuchurgency。
  MYRRHINE
  Icouldnotfindmygirdleinthedark。However,ifthematterissopressing,hereweare;sospeak。
  CLEONICE
  No,let’swaitamomentmore,tillthewomenofBoeotiaarriveandthosefromthePeloponnese。
  LYSISTRATA
  Yes,thatisbest……Ah!herecomesLampito。(LAMPITO,ahuskySpartandamsel,enterswiththreeothers,twofromBoeotiaandonefromCorinth。)Goodday,Lampito,dearfriendfromLacedaemon。Howwellandhandsomeyoulook!whatarosycomplexion!andhowstrongyouseem;why,youcouldstrangleabullsurely!
  LAMPITO
  Yes,indeed,IreallythinkIcould。It’sbecauseIdogymnasticsandpractisethebottom—kickingdance。
  CLEONICE(openingLAMPITO’Srobeandbaringherbosom)
  Andwhatsuperbbreasts!
  LAMPITO
  La!youarefeelingmeasifIwereabeastforsacrifice。
  LYSISTRATA
  Andthisyoungwoman,whereisshefrom?
  LAMPITO
  SheisanobleladyfromBoeotia。
  LYSISTRATA
  Ah!myprettyBoeotianfriend,youareasbloomingasagarden。
  CLEONICE(makinganotherinspection)
  Yes,onmyword!andher"garden"issothoroughlyweededtoo!
  LYSISTRATA(pointingtotheCorinthian)
  Andwhoisthis?
  LAMPITO
  ’Tisanhonestwoman,bymyfaith!shecomesfromCorinth。
  CLEONICE
  Oh!honest,nodoubtthen—ashonestygoesatCorinth。
  LAMPITO
  Butwhohascalledtogetherthiscouncilofwomen,pray?
  LYSISTRATA
  Ihave。
  LAMPITO
  Wellthen,telluswhatyouwantofus。
  CLEONICE
  Yes,pleasetellus!Whatisthisveryimportantbusinessyouwishtoinformusabout?
  LYSISTRATA
  Iwilltellyou。Butfirstanswermeonequestion。
  CLEONICE
  Anythingyouwish。
  LYSISTRATA
  Don’tyoufeelsadandsorrybecausethefathersofyourchildrenarefarawayfromyouwiththearmy?ForI’llwagerthereisnotoneofyouwhosehusbandisnotabroadatthismoment。
  CLEONICE
  MinehasbeenthelastfivemonthsinThrace—lookingafterEucrates。
  MYRRHINE
  It’ssevenlongmonthssincemineleftforPylos。
  LAMPITO
  Asformine,ifheeverdoesreturnfromservice,he’snosoonerhomethanhetakesdownhisshieldagainandfliesbacktothewars。
  LYSISTRATA
  Andnotsomuchastheshadowofalover!SincethedaytheMilesiansbetrayedus,Ihaveneveronceseenaneight—inchgadgeteven,tobealeathernconsolationtouspoorwidows……Nowtellme,ifIhavediscoveredameansofendingthewar,willyouallsecondme?
  CLEONICE
  Yesverily,byallthegoddesses,IswearIwill,thoughIhavetoputmygowninpawn,anddrinkthemoneythesameday。
  MYRRHINE
  AndsowillI,thoughImustbesplitintwolikeaflat—fish,andhavehalfmyselfremoved。
  LAMPITO
  AndItoo;whytosecurepeace,IwouldclimbtothetopofMountTaygetus。
  LYSISTRATA
  ThenIwilloutwithitatlast,mymightysecret!Oh!sisterwomen,ifwewouldcompelourhusbandstomakepeace,wemustrefrain……
  CLEONICE
  Refrainfromwhat?tellus,tellus!
  LYSISTRATA
  Butwillyoudoit?
  MYRRHINE
  Wewill,wewill,thoughweshoulddieofit。
  LYSISTRATA
  Wemustrefrainfromthemalealtogether……Nay,whydoyouturnyourbacksonme?Whereareyougoing?So,youbiteyourlips,andshakeyourheads,eh?Whythesepale,sadlooks?whythesetears?Come,willyoudoit—yesorno?Doyouhesitate?
  CLEONICE
  Iwillnotdoit,letthewargoon。
  MYRRHINE
  NorwillI;letthewargoon。
  LYSISTRATA(toMYRRHINE)
  Andyousaythis,myprettyflat—fish,whodeclaredjustnowtheymightsplityouintwo?
  CLEONICE
  Anything,anythingbutthat!Bidmegothroughthefire,ifyouwill,—buttorobusofthesweetestthinginalltheworld,Lysistratadarling!
  LYSISTRATA(toMYRRHINE)
  Andyou?
  MYRRHINE
  Yes,Iagreewiththeothers;Itoowouldsoonergothroughthefire。
  LYSISTRATA
  Oh,wanton,vicioussex!thepoetshavedonewelltomaketragediesuponus;wearegoodfornothingthenbutloveandlewdness!
  Butyou,mydear,youfromhardySparta,ifyoujoinme,allmayyetbewell;helpme,secondme,Ibegyou。
  LAMPITO
  ’Tisahardthing,bythetwogoddessesitis!forawomantosleepalonewithouteverastrongmaleinherbed。Butthere,peacemustcomefirst。
  LYSISTRATA
  Oh,mydarling,mydearest,bestfriend,youaretheonlyonedeservingthenameofwoman!
  CLEONICE
  Butif—whichthegodsforbid—wedorefrainaltogetherfromwhatyousay,shouldwegetpeaceanysooner?
  LYSISTRATA
  Ofcourseweshould,bythegoddessestwain!Weneedonlysitindoorswithpaintedcheeks,andmeetourmateslightlycladintransparentgownsofAmorgossilk,andperfectlydepilated;theywillgettheirtoolsupandbewildtoliewithus。Thatwillbethetimetorefuse,andtheywillhastentomakepeace,Iamconvincedofthat!
  LAMPITO
  Yes,justasMenelaus,whenhesawHelen’snakedbosom,threwawayhissword,theysay。
  CLEONICE
  But,ohdear,supposeourhusbandsgoawayandleaveus。
  LYSISTRATA
  Then,asPherecratessays,wemust"flayaskinneddog,"that’sall。
  CLEONICE
  Fiddlesticks!theseproverbsareallidletalk……Butifourhusbandsdragusbymainforceintothebedchamber?
  LYSISTRATA
  Holdontothedoorposts。
  CLEONICE
  Butiftheybeatus?
  LYSISTRATA
  Thenyieldtotheirwishes,butwithabadgrace;thereisnopleasureinitforthem,whentheydoitbyforce。Besides,thereareathousandwaysoftormentingthem。Neverfear,they’llsoontireofthegame;there’snosatisfactionforaman,unlessthewomansharesit。
  CLEONICE
  Verywell,ifyoumusthaveitso,weagree。
  LAMPITO
  Forourselves,nodoubtweshallpersuadeourhusbandstoconcludeafairandhonestpeace;butthereistheAthenianpopulace,howarewetocurethesefolkoftheirwarlikefrenzy?
  LYSISTRATA
  Havenofear;weundertaketomakeourownpeoplelistentoreason。
  LAMPITO
  That’simpossible,solongastheyhavetheirtrustyshipsandthevasttreasuresstoredinthetempleofAthene。
  LYSISTRATA
  Ah!butwehaveseentothat;thisverydaytheAcropoliswillbeinourhands。Thatisthetaskassignedtotheolderwomen;whilewearehereincouncil,theyaregoing,underpretenceofofferingsacrifice,toseizethecitadel。
  LAMPITO
  Wellsaidindeed!everythingisgoingforthebest。
  LYSISTRATA
  Come,quick,Lampito,andletusbindourselvesbyaninviolableoath。
  LAMPITO
  Recitetheterms;wewillsweartothem。
  LYSISTRATA
  Withpleasure。WhereisourScythianpolicewoman?Now,whatareyoustaringat,pray?Laythisshieldontheearthbeforeus,itshollowupwards,andsomeonebringmethevictim’sinwards。
  CLEONICE
  Lysistrata,say,whatoatharewetoswear?
  LYSISTRATA
  Whatoath?Why,inAeschylus,theysacrificeasheep,andswearoverabuckler;wewilldothesame。
  CLEONICE
  No,Lysistrata,onecannotswearpeaceoverabuckler,surely。
  LYSISTRATA
  Whatotheroathdoyouprefer?
  CLEONICE
  Let’stakeawhitehorse,andsacrificeit,andswearonitsentrails。
  LYSISTRATA
  Butwhereshallwegetawhitehorse?
  CLEONICE
  Well,whatoathshallwetakethen?
  LYSISTRATA
  Listentome。Let’ssetagreatblackbowlontheground;let’ssacrificeaskinofThasianwineintoit,andtakeoathnottoaddonesingledropofwater。
  LAMPITO
  Ah!that’sanoathpleasesmemorethanIcansay。
  LYSISTRATA
  Letthembringmeabowlandaskinofwine。
  CLEONICE
  Ah!mydears,whatanoblebigbowl!whatfunitwillbetoemptyitLYSISTRATA
  Setthebowldownontheground,andlayyourhandsonthevictim……Almightygoddess,Persuasion,andthou,bowl,booncomradeofjoyandmerriment,receivethisoursacrifice,andbepropitioustouspoorwomen!
  CLEONICE(asLYSISTRATApoursthewineintothebowl)
  Oh!thefineredblood!howwellitflows!
  LAMPITO
  Andwhatadeliciousbouquet,byCastor!
  CLEONICE
  Now,mydears,letmeswearfirst,ifyouplease。
  LYSISTRATA
  No,byAphrodite,unlessit’sdecidedbylot。Butcome,then,Lampito,andallofyou,putyourhandstothebowl;anddoyou,Cleonice,repeatforalltherestthesolemntermsIamgoingtorecite。Thenyoumustallswear,andpledgeyourselvesbythesamepromises,—Iwillhavenaughttodowhetherwithloverorhusband……
  CLEONICE(faintly)
  Iwillhavenaughttodowhetherwithloverorhusband……
  LYSISTRATA
  Albeithecometomewithanerection……
  CLEONICE(hervoicequavering)
  Albeithecometomewithanerection……(indespair)Oh!
  Lysistrata,Icannotbearit!
  LYSISTRATA(ignoringthisoutburst)
  Iwillliveathomeunbulled……
  CLEONICE
  Iwillliveathomeunbulled……
  LYSISTRATA
  Beautifullydressedandwearingasaffron—colouredgownCLEONICE
  Beautifullydressedandwearingasaffron—colouredgown……
  LYSISTRATA
  TotheendImayinspiremyhusbandwiththemostardentlongings。
  CLEONICE
  TotheendImayinspiremyhusbandwiththemostardentlongings。
  LYSISTRATA
  NeverwillIgivemyselfvoluntarily……
  CLEONICE
  NeverwillIgivemyselfvoluntarily……
  LYSISTRATA
  Andifhehasmebyforce……
  CLEONICE
  Andifhehasmebyforce……
  LYSISTRATA
  Iwillbecoldasice,andneverstiralimb……
  CLEONICE
  Iwillbecoldasice,andneverstiralimb……
  LYSISTRATA
  IwillneitherextendmyPersianslipperstowardtheceiling……
  CLEONICE
  IwillneitherextendmyPersianslipperstowardtheceiling……
  LYSISTRATA
  NorwillIcrouchlikethecarvenlionsonaknife—handle。
  CLEONICE
  NorwillIcrouchlikethecarvenlionsonaknife—handle。
  LYSISTRATA
  AndifIkeepmyoath,mayIbesufferedtodrinkofthiswine。
  CLEONICE(morecourageously)
  AndifIkeepmyoath,mayIbesufferedtodrinkofthiswine。
  LYSISTRATA
  ButifIbreakit,letmybowlbefilledwithwater。
  CLEONICE
  ButifIbreakit,letmybowlbefilledwithwater。
  LYSISTRATA
  Willyoualltakethisoath?
  ALL
  Wedo。
  LYSISTRATA
  ThenI’llnowconsumethisremnant。
  (Shedrinks。)
  CLEONICE(reachingforthecup)
  Enough,enough,mydear;nowletusalldrinkinturntocementourfriendship。
  (Theypassthecuparoundandalldrink。Agreatcommotionisheardoffstage。)
  LAMPITO
  Listen!whatdothosecriesmean?
  LYSISTRATA
  It’swhatIwastellingyou;thewomenhavejustoccupiedtheAcropolis。Sonow,Lampito,youreturntoSpartatoorganizetheplot,whileyourcomradeshereremainashostages。Forourselves,letusgoandjointherestinthecitadel,andletuspushtheboltswellhome。
  CLEONICE
  Butdon’tyouthinkthemenwillmarchupagainstus?
  LYSISTRATA
  Ilaughatthem。Neitherthreatsnorflamesshallforceourdoors;
  theyshallopenonlyontheconditionsIhavenamed。
  CLEONICE
  Yes,yes,byAphrodite;otherwiseweshouldbecalledcowardlyandwretchedwomen。
  (ShefollowsLYSISTRATAout。)
  (ThesceneshiftstotheentranceoftheAcropolis。TheCHORUS
  OFOLDMENslowlyenters,carryingfaggotsandpotsoffire。)
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Goeasy,Draces,goeasy;why,yourshoulderisallchafedbythesedamnedheavyolivestocks。Butforwardstill,forward,man,asneedsmust。
  FIRSTSEMI—CHORUSOFOLDMEN(singing)
  Whatunlooked—forthingsdohappen,tobesure,inalonglife!
  Ah!Strymodorus,whowouldeverhavethoughtit?Herewehavethewomen,whoused,forourmisfortune,toeatourbreadandliveinourhouses,daringnowadaystolayhandsontheholyimageofthegoddess,toseizetheAcropolisanddrawbarsandboltstokeepanyfromentering!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Come,Philurgus,man,let’shurrythere;let’slayourfaggotsallaboutthecitadel,andontheblazingpileburnwithourhandsthesevileconspiratresses,oneandall—andLycon’swifefirstandforemost!
  SECONDSEMI—CHORUSOFOLDMEN(singing)
  Nay,byDemeter,neverwillIletthemlaughatme,whilesI
  haveabreathleftinmybody。Cleomeneshimself,thefirstwhoeverseizedourcitadel,hadtoquitittohissoredishonour;spitehisLacedaemonianpride,hehadtodelivermeuphisarmsandslinkoffwithasinglegarmenttohisback。Myword!buthewasfilthyandragged!andwhatanunkemptbeard,tobesure!Hehadnothadabathforsixlongyears!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Oh!butthatwasamightysiege!Ourmenwererangedseventeendeepbeforethegate,andneverlefttheirposts,eventosleep。Thesewomen,theseenemiesofEuripidesandallthegods,shallIdonothingtohindertheirinordinateinsolence?elseletthemteardownmytrophiesofMarathon。
  FIRSTSEMI—CHORUSOFOLDMEN(singing)
  Butlook,tofinishthistoilsomeclimbonlythislaststeepbitislefttomount。Truly,it’snoeasyjobwithoutbeastsofburden,andhowtheselogsdobruisemyshoulder!Stillletuscarryon,andblowupourfireandseeitdoesnotgooutjustaswereachourdestination。Phew!phew!(Blowingthefire)Oh!dear!whatadreadfulsmoke!
  SECONDSEMI—CHORUSOFOLDMEN(singing)
  Itbitesmyeyeslikeamaddog。ItisLemnianfireforsure,oritwouldneverdevourmyeyelidslikethis。Comeon,Laches,let’shurry,let’sbringsuccourtothegoddess;it’snowornever!Phew!
  phew!(Blowingthefire)Ohdear!whataconfoundedsmoke!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Therenow,there’sourfireallbrightandburning,thankthegods!Now,whynotfirstputdownourloadshere,thentakeavine—branch,lightitatthebrazierandhurlitatthegatebywayofbattering—ram?Iftheydon’tansweroursummonsbypullingbackthebolts,thenwesetfiretothewoodwork,andthesmokewillchokethem。Yegods!whatasmoke!Pfaugh!IsthereneveraSamiangeneralwillhelpmeunloadmyburden?—Ah!itshallnotgallmyshoulderanymore。(Settingdownthewood)Come,brazier,doyourduty,maketheembersflare,thatImaykindleabrand;Iwanttobethefirsttohurlone。Aidme,heavenlyVictory;letuspunishfortheirinsolentaudacitythewomenwhohaveseizedourcitadel,andmayweraiseatrophyoftriumphforsuccess!
  (Theybegintobuildafire。TheCHORUSOFWOMEN
  nowenters,carryingpotsofwater。)
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Oh!mydears,methinksIseefireandsmoke;canitbeaconflagration?Letushurryallwecan。
  FIRSTSEMI—CHORUSOFWOMEN(singing)
  Fly,fly,Nicodice,ereCalyceandCritylleperishinthefire,orarestifledinthesmokeraisedbytheseaccursedoldmenandtheirpitilesslaws。But,greatgods,canitbeIcometoolate?Risingatdawn,Ihadtheutmosttroubletofillthisvesselatthefountain。
  Oh!whatacrowdtherewas,andwhatadin!Whatarattlingofwater—pots!Servantsandslave—girlspushedandthrongedme!
  However,hereIhaveitfullatlast;andIamrunningtocarrythewatertomyfellow—townswomen,whomourfoesareplottingtoburnalive。
  SECONDSEMI—CHORUSOFWOMEN(singing)
  Newshasbeenbroughtusthatacompanyofold,dodderinggrey—beards,loadedwithenormousfaggots,asiftheywantedtoheatafurnace,havetakenthefield,vomitingdreadfulthreats,cryingthattheymustreducetoashesthesehorriblewomen。Sufferthemnot,oh!goddess,but,ofthygrace,mayIseeAthensandGreececuredoftheirwarlikefolly。’Tistothisend,oh!thouguardiandeityofourcity,goddessofthegoldencrest,thattheyhaveseizedthysanctuary。Betheirfriendandally,Athene,andifanymanhurlagainstthemlightedfirebrands,aidustocarrywatertoextinguishthem。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  WhatisthisIsee,yewretchedoldmen?Honestandpiousfolkyecannotbewhoactsovilely。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Ah,ha!here’ssomethingnew!aswarmofwomenstandpostedoutsidetodefendthegates!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Fartatus,wouldyou?weseemamightyhost,yetyoudonotseetheten—thousandthpartofoursex。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Ho,Phaedrias!shallwestoptheircackle?Supposeoneofusweretobreakastickacrosstheirbacks,eh?
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Letussetdownourwater—potsontheground,tobeoutoftheway,iftheyshoulddaretoofferusviolence。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Letsomeoneknockouttwoorthreeteethforthem,astheydidtoBupalus;theywon’ttalksoloudthen。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Comeonthen;Iwaityouwithunflinchingfoot,andnootherbitchwillevergrabyourballs。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Silence!ormystickwillcutshortyourdays。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Now,justyoudaretotouchStratylliswiththetipofyourfinger!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  AndifIbatteryoutopieceswithmyfists,whatwillyoudo?
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Iwilltearoutyourlungsandentrailswithmyteeth。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Oh!whatacleverpoetisEuripides!howwellhesaysthatwomanisthemostshamelessofanimals。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Let’spickupourwater—jarsagain,Rhodippe。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Youdamnedwomen,whatdoyoumeantodoherewithyourwater?
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Andyou,olddeath—in—life,withyourfire?Isittocremateyourself?
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Iamgoingtobuildyouapyretoroastyourfemalefriendsupon。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  AndI,—Iamgoingtoputoutyourfire。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Youputoutmyfire—you?
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Yes,youshallsoonsee。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Idon’tknowwhatpreventsmefromroastingyouwiththistorch。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Iamgettingyouabathreadytocleanoffthefilth。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Abathforme,youdirtyslut?
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Yes,indeed,anuptialbath—teeheelLEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN(turningtohisfollowers)
  Doyouhearthat?Whatinsolence!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Iamafreewoman,Itellyou。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Iwillmakeyouholdyourtongue,neverfear!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Ahha!youshallneversitanymoreamongsttheHeliasts。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN(tohistorch)
  Burnoffherhairforher!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN(toherpot)
  Achelous,doyourduty!
  (Thewomenpitchthewaterintheirwater—potsovertheoldmen。)
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Oh,dear!oh,dear!oh,dear!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Wasithot?
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Hot,greatgods!Enough,enough!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  I’mwateringyou,tomakeyoubloomafresh。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Alas!Iamtoodry!Ah,mehow!howIamtremblingwithcold!
  (AMAGISTRATEenters,withafewScythianpolicemen。)
  MAGISTRATE
  Thesewomen,havetheymadedinenough,Iwonder,withtheirtambourines?beweptAdonisenoughupontheirterraces?Iwaslisteningtothespeecheslastassemblyday,andDemostratus,whomheavenconfound!wassayingwemustallgoovertoSicily—andlo!hiswifewasdancingroundrepeating:"Alas!alas!Adonis,woeismeforAdonis!"DemostratuswassayingwemustlevyhoplitesatZacynthus—andtherewashiswife,morethanhalfdrunk,screamingonthehouse—roof:
  "Weep,weepforAdonis!"—whilethatinfamousMadOxwasbellowingawayonhisside。—Doyounotblush,youwomen,foryourwildanduproariousdoings?
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Butyoudon’tknowalltheireffronteryyet!Theyabusedandinsultedus;thensouseduswiththewaterintheirwater—pots,andhavesetuswringingoutourclothes,foralltheworldasifwehadbepissedourselves。
  MAGISTRATE
  Andwelldonetoo,byPosidon!Wemenmustsharetheblameoftheirillconduct;itiswewhoteachthemtoloveriotanddissolutenessandsowtheseedsofwickednessintheirhearts。Youseeahusbandgointoashop:"Lookyou,jeweller,"sayshe,"yourememberthenecklaceyoumadeformywife。Well,theotherevening,whenshewasdancing,thecatchcameopen。Now,IamboundtostartforSalamis;willyoumakeitconvenienttogoupto—nighttomakeherfasteningsecure?"Anotherwillgotothecobbler,agreat,strongfellow,withagreat,longtool,andtellhim:"Thestrapofoneofmywife’ssandalspressesherlittletoe,whichisextremelysensitive;
  comeinaboutmiddaytosupplethethingandstretchit。"Nowseetheresults。Takemyowncase—asaMagistrateIhaveenlistedrowers;Iwantmoneytopaythem,andthewomenslamthedoorinmyface。Butwhydowestandherewitharmscrossed?Bringmeacrowbar;I’llchastisetheirinsolence!—Ho!there,myfinefellow!
  (tooneoftheScythians)whatare,yougapingatthecrowsfor?
  lookingforatavern,Isuppose,eh?Comeon,bringcrowbarshere,andforceopenthegates。Iwillputahandtotheworkmyself。
  LYSISTRATA(openingthegateandwalkingout)
  Noneedtoforcethegates;Iamcomingout—hereIam。Andwhyboltsandbars?Whatwewanthereisnotboltsandbarsandlocks,butcommonsense。
  MAGISTRATE(jumpingnervously,thenstrivingmanfullytoregainhisdignity)
  Really,myfinelady!Whereismyofficer?Iwanthimtotiethatwoman’shandsbehindherback。
  LYSISTRATA
  ByArtemis,thevirgingoddess!ifhetouchesmewiththetipofhisfinger,officerofthepublicpeacethoughhebe,lethimlookoutforhimself!
  (ThefirstScythiandefecatesinterror。)
  MAGISTRATE(toanotherofficer)
  Hownow,areyouafraid?Seizeher,Itellyou,roundthebody。
  Twoofyouather,andhavedonewithit!
  CLEONICE
  ByPandrosos!ifyoulayahandonher,Illtrampleyouunderfoottillthecrapcomesoutofyou!
  (ThesecondScythiandefecatesinterror。)
  MAGISTRATE
  Lookatthemessyou’vemade!Whereisthereanotherofficer?(TothethirdScythian)Bindthatminxfirst,theonewhospeakssoprettily!
  MYRRHINE
  ByPhoebe,ifyoutouchherwithonefinger,you’dbettercallquickforasurgeon!
  (ThethirdScythiandefecatesinterror。)
  MAGISTRATE
  What’sthat?Where’stheofficer?(TothefourthScythian)Layholdofher。Oh!butI’mgoingtostopyourfoolishnessforyouallCLEONICE
  BytheTauricArtemis,ifyougonearher,I’llpulloutyourhair,screamasyoulike。
  (ThefourthScythiandefecatesinterror。)
  MAGISTRATE
  Ah!miserablemanthatIam!Myownofficersdesertme。Whatho!
  arewetoletourselvesbebestedbyamobofwomen?Ho!Scythiansmine,closeupyourranks,andforward!
  LYSISTRATA
  Bytheholygoddesses!you’llhavetomakeacquaintancewithfourcompaniesofwomen,readyforthefrayandwellarmedtoboot。
  MAGISTRATE
  Forward,Scythians,andbindthem!
  (TheScythiansadvancereluctantly。)
  LYSISTRATA
  Forward,mygallantcompanions;marchforth,yevendorsofgrainandeggs,garlicandvegetables,keepersoftavernsandbakeries,wrenchandstrikeandtear;come,atorrentofinvectiveandinsult!
  (TheybeattheScythianswhoretireinhaste。)Enough,enoughnowretire,neverrobthevanquished!
  (Thewomenwithdraw。)
  MAGISTRATE
  Howunfortunateformyofficers!
  LYSISTRATA
  Ah,ha!soyouthoughtyouhadonlytodowithasetofslave—women!youdidnotknowtheardourthatfillsthebosomoffree—borndames。
  MAGISTRATE
  Ardour!yes,byApollo,ardourenough—especiallyforthewine—cup!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
  Sir,sirwhatgoodarewords?theyareofnoavailwithwildbeastsofthissort。Don’tyouknowhowtheyhavejustwashedusdown—andwithnoveryfragrantsoap!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Whatwouldyouhave?Youshouldneverhavelaidrashhandsonus。Ifyoustartafresh,I’llknockyoureyesout。Mydelightistostayathomeascoyasayoungmaid,withouthurtinganybodyormovinganymorethanamilestone;but’warethewasps,ifyougostirringupthewasps’nest!
  CHORUSOFOLDMEN(singing)
  Ah!greatgods!howgetthebetteroftheseferociouscreatures?
  ’tispastallbearing!Butcome,letustrytofindoutthereasonofthedreadfulscourge。WithwhatendinviewhavetheyseizedthecitadelofCranaus,thesacredshrinethatisraisedupontheinaccessiblerockoftheAcropolis?
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN(totheMAGISTRATE)
  Questionthem;becautiousandnottoocredulous。Itwouldbeculpablenegligencenottopiercethemystery,ifwemay。
  MAGISTRATE(addressingthewomen)
  Iwouldaskyoufirstwhyyouhavebarredourgates。
  LYSISTRATA
  Toseizethetreasury;nomoremoney,nomorewar。
  MAGISTRATE
  Thenmoneyisthecauseofthewar?
  LYSISTRATA
  Andofallourtroubles。ItwastofindoccasiontostealthatPisanderandalltheotheragitatorswereforeverraisingrevolutions。
  Wellandgood!butthey’llnevergetanotherdrachmahere。
  MAGISTRATE
  Whatdoyouproposetodothen,pray?
  LYSISTRATA
  Youaskmethat!Why,weproposetoadministerthetreasuryourselves。
  MAGISTRATE
  Youdo?
  LYSISTRATA
  Whatisthereinthattosurpriseyou?Dowenotadministerthebudgetofhouseholdexpenses?
  MAGISTRATE
  Butthatisnotthesamething。
  LYSISTRATA
  Howso—notthesamething?
  MAGISTRATE
  Itisthetreasurysuppliestheexpensesofthewar。
  LYSISTRATA
  That’sourfirstprinciple—nowar!
  MAGISTRATE
  What!andthesafetyofthecity?
  LYSISTRATA
  Wewillprovideforthat。
  MAGISTRATE
  You?
  LYSISTRATA
  Yes,we!
  MAGISTRATE
  Whatasorrybusiness!
  LYSISTRATA
  Yes,we’regoingtosaveyou,whetheryoulikeitornot。
  MAGISTRATE
  Oh!theimpudenceofthecreatures!
  LYSISTRATA
  Youseemannoyed!butithastobedone,nevertheless。
  MAGISTRATE
  Butit’stheveryheightofiniquity!
  LYSISTRATA(testily)
  We’regoingtosaveyou,mygoodman。
  MAGISTRATE
  ButifIdon’twanttobesaved?
  LYSISTRATA
  Why,allthemorereason!
  MAGISTRATE
  Butwhatanotion,toconcernyourselveswithquestionsofpeaceandwar!
  LYSISTRATA
  Wewillexplainouridea。
  MAGISTRATE
  Outwithitthen;quick,or……(threateningher)。
  LYSISTRATA(sternly)
  Listen,andneveramovement,please!
  MAGISTRATE(inimpotentrage)
  Oh!itistoomuchforme!Icannotkeepmytemper!
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Thenlookoutforyourself;youhavemoretofearthanwehave。
  MAGISTRATE
  Stopyourcroaking,youoldcrow!(ToLYSISTRATA)Nowyou,saywhatyouhavetosay。
  LYSISTRATA
  Willingly。Allthelongtimethewarhaslasted,wehaveenduredinmodestsilenceallyoumendid;youneverallowedustoopenourlips。Wewerefarfromsatisfied,forweknewhowthingsweregoing;
  ofteninourhomeswewouldhearyoudiscussing,upsidedownandinsideout,someimportantturnofaffairs。Thenwithsadhearts,butsmilinglips,wewouldaskyou:Well,intoday’sAssemblydidtheyvotepeace?—But,"Mindyourownbusiness!"thehusbandwouldgrowl,"Holdyourtongue,please!"Andwewouldsaynomore。
  CLEONICE
  Iwouldnothaveheldmytonguethough,notI!
  MAGISTRATE
  Youwouldhavebeenreducedtosilencebyblowsthen。
  LYSISTRATA
  Well,formypart,Iwouldsaynomore。ButpresentlyIwouldcometoknowyouhadarrivedatsomefreshdecisionmorefatallyfoolishthanever。"Ah!mydearman,"Iwouldsay,"whatmadnessnext!"Buthewouldonlylookatmeaskanceandsay:"Justweaveyourweb,please;
  elseyourcheekswillsmartforhours。Warismen’sbusiness!"
  MAGISTRATE
  Bravo!wellsaidindeed!
  LYSISTRATA
  Hownow,wretchedman?nottoletuscontendagainstyourfollieswasbadenough!Butpresentlyweheardyouaskingoutloudintheopenstreet:"IsthereneveramanleftinAthens?"and,"No,notone,notone,"youwereassuredinreply。Then,thenwemadeupourmindswithoutmoredelaytomakecommoncausetosaveGreece。Openyourearstoourwisecounselsandholdyourtongues,andwemayyetputthingsonabetterfooting。
  MAGISTRATE
  Youputthingsindeed!Oh!thisistoomuch!Theinsolenceofthecreatures!
  LYSISTRATA
  Bestill!
  MAGISTRATE
  MayIdieathousanddeathsereIobeyonewhowearsaveil!
  LYSISTRATA
  Ifthat’sallthattroublesyou,here,takemyveil,wrapitroundyourhead,andholdyourtongue。
  CLEONICE
  Thentakethisbasket;putonagirdle,cardwool,munchbeans。
  Thewarshallbewomen’sbusiness。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Layasideyourwater—pots,wewillguardthem,wewillhelpourfriendsandcompanions。
  CHORUSOFWOMEN(singing)
  Formyself,Iwillneverwearyofthedance;mykneeswillnevergrowstiffwithfatigue。Iwillbraveeverythingwithmydearallies,onwhomNaturehaslavishedvirtue,grace,boldness,cleverness,andwhosewiselydirectedenergyisgoingtosavetheState。
  LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
  Oh!mygood,gallantLysistrata,andallmyfriends,beeverlikeabundleofnettles;neverletyourangerslacken;thewindsoffortuneblowourway。
  LYSISTRATA
  MaygentleLoveandthesweetCyprianQueenshowerseductivecharmsonourbreastsandourthighs。Ifonlywemaystirsoamorousafeelingamongthementhattheystandasfirmassticks,weshallindeeddeservethenameofpeace—makersamongtheGreeks。
  MAGISTRATE
  Howwillthatbe,pray?
  LYSISTRATA
  Tobeginwith,weshallnotseeyouanymorerunninglikemadfellowstotheMarketholdinglanceinfist。
  CLEONICE
  Thatwillbesomethinggained,anyway,bythePaphiangoddess,itwill!
  LYSISTRATA
  Nowweseethem,mixedupwithsaucepansandkitchenstuff,armedtotheteeth,lookinglikewildCorybantes!
  MAGISTRATE
  Why,ofcourse;that’swhatbravemenshoulddo。
  LYSISTRATA
  Oh!butwhatafunnysight,tobeholdamanwearingaGorgon’s—beadbucklercomingalongtobuyfish!
  CLEONICE
  TheotherdayintheMarketIsawaphylarchwithflowingringlets;hewasonhorseback,andwaspouringintohishelmetthebrothhehadjustboughtatanolddame’sstill。TherewasaThracianwarriortoo,whowasbrandishinghislancelikeTereusintheplay;hehadscaredagoodwomansellingfigsintoaperfectpanic,andwasgobblingupallherripestfruit—
  MAGISTRATE
  Andhow,pray,wouldyouproposetorestorepeaceandorderinallthecountriesofGreece?
  LYSISTRATA
  It’stheeasiestthingintheworld!
  MAGISTRATE
  Come,tellushow;Iamcurioustoknow。
  LYSISTRATA
  Whenwearewindingthread,anditistangled,wepassthespoolacrossandthroughtheskein,nowthisway,nowthatway;evenso,tofinishofthewar,weshallsendembassieshitherandthitherandeverywhere,todisentanglematters。
  MAGISTRATE
  Andisitwithyouryarn,andyourskeins,andyourspools,youthinktoappeasesomanybitterenmities,yousillywomen?
  LYSISTRATA
  Ifonlyyouhadcommonsense,youwouldalwaysdoinpoliticsthesameaswedowithouryarn。