Myloverhadbeenatthegatesofdeath，andat
　　theverybrinkofeternity；and，itseems，hadbeenstruckwith
　　adueremorse，andwithsadreflectionsuponhispastlifeof
　　gallantryandlevity；andamongtherest，criminalcorrespondence
　　withme，whichwasneithermorenorlessthanalong-continued
　　lifeofadultery，andrepresenteditselfasitreallywas，notas
　　ithadbeenformerlythoughtbyhimtobe，andhelookedupon
　　itnowwithajustandreligiousabhorrence。
　　Icannotbutobservealso，andleaveitforthedirectionofmy
　　sexinsuchcasesofpleasure，thatwheneversincererepentance
　　succeedssuchacrimeasthis，thereneverfailstoattenda
　　hatredoftheobject；andthemoretheaffectionmightseemto
　　bebefore，thehatredwillbethemoreinproportion。
　　Itwill
　　alwaysbeso，indeeditcanbenootherwise；fortherecannot
　　beatrueandsincereabhorrenceoftheoffence，andthelove
　　tothecauseofitremain；therewill，withanabhorrenceofthe
　　sin，befoundadetestationofthefellow-sinner；youcanexpect
　　noother。
　　Ifounditsohere，thoughgoodmannersandjusticeinthis
　　gentlemankepthimfromcarryingitontoanyextremebutthe
　　shorthistoryofhispartinthisaffairwasthus:
　　heperceived
　　bymylastletter，andbyalltherest，whichhewentforafter，
　　thatIwasnotgonetoBath，thathisfirstletterhadnotcome
　　tomyhand；uponwhichhewritemethisfollowing:——
　　’MADAM，——Iamsurprisedthatmyletter，datedthe8thoflast
　　month，didnotcometoyourhand；Igiveyoumyworditwas
　　deliveredatyourlodgings，andtothehandsofyourmaid。
　　’Ineednotacquaintyouwithwhathasbeenmycondition
　　forsometimepast；andhow，havingbeenattheedgeofthe
　　grave，Iam，bytheunexpectedandundeservedmercyof
　　Heaven，restoredagain。
　　IntheconditionIhavebeenin，it
　　cannotbestrangetoyouthatourunhappycorrespondence
　　hadnotbeentheleastoftheburthenswhichlayuponmy
　　conscience。
　　Ineedsaynomore；thosethingsthatmustbe
　　repentedof，mustbealsoreformed。
　　IwishyouwouldthingofgoingbacktotheBath。
　　Ienclose
　　youhereabillfor#50forclearingyourselfatyourlodgings，
　　andcarryingyoudown，andhopeitwillbenosurprisetoyou
　　toadd，thatonthisaccountonly，andnotforanyoffencegiven
　　meonyourside，Icanseeyounomore。
　　Iwilltakeduecare
　　ofthechild；leavehimwhereheis，ortakehimwithyou，as
　　youplease。
　　Iwishyouthelikereflections，andthattheymay
　　betoyouradvantage——Iam，’etc。
　　Iwasstruckwiththisletteraswithathousandwounds，such
　　asIcannotdescribe；thereproachesofmyownconsciencewere
　　suchasIcannotexpress，forIwasnotblindtomyowncrime；
　　andIreflectedthatImightwithlessoffencehavecontinued
　　withmybrother，andlivedwithhimasawife，sincetherewas
　　nocrimeinourmarriageonthatscore，neitherofusknowingit。
　　ButIneveroncereflectedthatIwasallthiswhileamarried
　　woman，awifetoMr——thelinen-draper，who，thoughhe
　　hadleftmebythenecessityofhiscircumstances，hadnopower
　　todischargemefromthemarriagecontractwhichwasbetween
　　us，ortogivemealegallibertytomarryagain；sothatIhad
　　beennolessthanawhoreandanadulteressallthiswhile。
　　I
　　thenreproachedmyselfwiththelibertiesIhadtaken，andhow
　　Ihadbeenasnaretothisgentleman，andthatindeedIwas
　　principalinthecrime；thatnowhewasmercifullysnatchedout
　　ofthegulfbyaconvincingworkuponhismind，butthatIwas
　　leftasifIwasforsakenofGod’sgrace，andabandonedby
　　Heaventoacontinuinginmywickedness。
　　UnderthesereflectionsIcontinuedverypensiveandsadfor
　　nearmonth，anddidnotgodowntotheBath，havingno
　　inclinationtobewiththewomanwhomIwaswithbefore；
　　lest，asIthought，sheshouldpromptmetosomewicked
　　courseoflifeagain，asshehaddone；andbesides，Iwasvery
　　lothsheshouldknowIwascastoffasabove。
　　AndnowIwasgreatlyperplexedaboutmylittleboy。
　　Itwas
　　deathtometopartwiththechild，andyetwhenIconsidered
　　thedangerofbeingonetimeorotherleftwithhimtokeep
　　withoutamaintenancetosupporthim，Ithenresolvedtoleave
　　himwherehewas；butthenIconcludedalsotobenearhim
　　myselftoo，thatIthenmighthavethesatisfactionofseeing
　　him，withoutthecareofprovidingforhim。
　　Isentmygentlemanashortletter，therefore，thatIhadobeyed
　　hisordersinallthingsbutthatofgoingbacktotheBath，
　　whichIcouldnotthinkofformanyreasons；thathowever
　　partingfromhimwasawoundtomethatIcouldneverrecover，
　　yetthatIwasfullysatisfiedhisreflectionswerejust，andwould
　　beveryfarfromdesiringtoobstructhisreformationorrepentance。
　　ThenIrepresentedmyowncircumstancestohiminthemost
　　movingtermsthatIwasable。
　　Itoldhimthatthoseunhappy
　　distresseswhichfirstmovedhimtoagenerousandanhonest
　　friendshipforme，would，Ihope，movehimtoalittleconcern
　　formenow，thoughthecriminalpartofourcorrespondence，
　　whichIbelievedneitherofusintendedtofallintoatthetime，
　　wasbrokenoff；thatIdesiredtorepentassincerelyashehad
　　done，butentreatedhimtoputmeinsomeconditionthatI
　　mightnotbeexposedtothetemptationswhichthedevilnever
　　failstoexciteustofromthefrightfulprospectofpovertyand
　　distress；andifhehadtheleastapprehensionsofmybeing
　　troublesometohim，Ibeggedhewouldputmeinaposture
　　togobacktomymotherinVirginia，fromwhenheknewI
　　came，andthatwouldputanendtoallhisfearsonthataccount。
　　Iconcluded，thatifhewouldsendme#50moretofacilitate
　　mygoingaway，Iwouldsendhimbackageneralrelease，and
　　wouldpromisenevertodisturbhimmorewithanyimportunities；
　　unlessitwastohearofthewell-doingofthechild，whom，if
　　Ifoundmymotherlivingandmycircumstancesable，Iwould
　　sendfortocomeovertome，andtakehimalsoeffectuallyoff
　　hishands。
　　Thiswasindeedallacheatthusfar，viz。thatIhadnointention
　　togotoVirginia，atheaccountofmyformeraffairstheremay
　　convinceanybodyof；butthebusinesswastogetthislast#50
　　ofhim，ifpossible，knowingwellenoughitwouldbethelast
　　pennyIwasevertoexpect。
　　However，theargumentIused，namely，ofgivinghimageneral
　　release，andnevertroublinghimanymore，prevailedeffectually
　　withhim，andhesentmeabillforthemoneybyapersonwho
　　broughtwithhimageneralreleaseformetosign，andwhich
　　Ifranklysigned，andreceivedthemoney；andthus，thoughfull
　　soreagainstmywill，afinalendwasputtothisaffair。
　　AndhereIcannotbutreflectupontheunhappyconsequence
　　oftoogreatfreedomsbetweenpersonsstatedaswewere，
　　uponthepretenceofinnocentintentions，loveoffriendship，
　　andthelike；forthefleshhasgenerallysogreatashareinthose
　　friendships，thatisgreatoddsbutinclinationprevailsatlast
　　overthemostsolemnresolutions；andthatvicebreaksinat
　　thebreachesofdecency，whichreallyinnocentfriendshipought
　　topreservewiththegreateststrictness。
　　ButIleavethereaders
　　ofthesethingstotheirownjustreflections，whichtheywillbe
　　moreabletomakeeffectualthanI，whososoonforgotmyself，
　　andamthereforebutaveryindifferentmonitor。
　　Iwasnowasinglepersonagain，asImaycallmyself；Iwas
　　loosedfromalltheobligationseitherofwedlockormistress-ship
　　intheworld，exceptmyhusbandthelinen-draper，whom，Ihaving
　　notnowheardfrominalmostfifteenyears，nobodycould
　　blamemeforthinkingmyselfentirelyfreedfrom；seeingalsohe
　　hadathisgoingawaytoldme，thatifIdidnothearfrequently
　　fromhim，Ishouldconcludehewasdead，andImightfreely
　　marryagaintowhomIpleased。
　　Inowbegantocastupmyaccounts。
　　Ihadbymanyletters
　　andmuchimportunity，andwiththeintercessionofmymother
　　too，hadasecondreturnofsomegoodsfrommybrotherasI
　　nowcallhiminVirginia，tomakeupthedamageofthecargo
　　Ibroughtawaywithme，andthistoowasuponthecondition
　　ofmysealingageneralreleasetohim，andtosendithimby
　　hiscorrespondentatBristol，which，thoughIthoughthardof，
　　yetIwasobligedtopromisetodo。
　　However，Imanagedso
　　wellinthiscase，thatIgotmygoodsawaybeforetherelease
　　wassigned，andthenIalwaysfoundsomethingorothertosay
　　toevadethething，andtoputoffthesigningitatall；tillat
　　lengthIpretendedImustwritetomybrother，andhavehis
　　answer，beforeIcoulddoit。
　　Includingthisrecruit，andbeforeIgotthelast#50，Ifound
　　mystrengthtoamount，putalltogether，toabout#400，so
　　thatwiththatIhadabout#450。
　　Ihadsavedabove#100more，
　　butImetwithadisasterwiththat，whichwasthis——thata
　　goldsmithinwhosehandsIhadtrustedit，broke，soIlost#70
　　ofmymoney，theman’scompositionnotmakingabove#30
　　outofhis#100。
　　Ihadalittleplate，butnotmuch，andwas
　　wellenoughstockedwithclothesandlinen。
　　WiththisstockIhadtheworldtobeginagain；butyouareto
　　considerthatIwasnotnowthesamewomanaswhenIlived
　　atRedriff；for，firstofall，Iwasneartwentyyearsolder，and
　　didnotlookthebetterformyage，norformyramblesto
　　Virginiaandbackagain；andthoughIomittednothingthat
　　mightsetmeouttoadvantage，exceptpainting，forthatInever
　　stoopedto，andhadprideenoughtothinkIdidnotwantit，yet
　　therewouldalwaysbesomedifferenceseenbetweenfive-and-twenty
　　andtwo-and-forty。
　　Icastaboutinnumerablewaysformyfuturestateoflife，and
　　begantoconsiderveryseriouslywhatIshoulddo，butnothing
　　offered。
　　Itookcaretomaketheworldtakemeforsomething
　　morethanIwas，andhaditgivenoutthatIwasafortune，and
　　thatmyestatewasinmyownhands；thelastofwhichwas
　　verytrue，thefirstofitwasasabove。
　　Ihadnoacquaintance，
　　whichwasoneofmyworstmisfortunes，andtheconsequence
　　ofthatwas，Ihadnoadviser，atleastwhocouldassistand
　　advisetogether；andaboveall，IhadnobodytowhomIcould
　　in
　　confidencecommitthesecretofmycircumstancesto，and
　　coulddependuponfortheirsecrecyandfidelity；andIfound
　　byexperience，thattobefriendlessintheworstcondition，
　　nexttobeinginwantthatawomancanbereducedto:
　　Isay