Forshehadasecretsorrowthatateherheartaway,althoughsheneverspokeofit。
Butonechildwasborntous,andthischilddiedininfancy,norforallherprayersdiditpleaseGodtogiveheranother,andindeedrememberingthewordsofOtomieIdidnotexpectthatitwouldbeso。
NowsheknewwellthatyonderacrosstheseasIhadchildrenwhomIlovedbyanotherwife,andthoughtheywerelongdead,mustalwaysloveunalterably,andthisthoughtwrungherheart。
ThatIhadbeenthehusbandofanotherwomanshecouldforgive,butthatthiswomanshouldhavebornemechildrenwhosememorywasstillsodear,shecouldnotforgetifsheforgaveit,shewhowaschildless。
Whyitwasso,beingbutaman,Icannotsay;forwhocanknowallthemysteryofalovingwoman’sheart?
Butsoitwas。
Once,indeed,wequarrelledonthematter;itwasouronlyquarrel。
Itchancedthatwhenwehadbeenmarriedbuttwoyears,andourbabewassomefewdaysburiedinthechurchyardofthisparishofDitchingham,IdreamedaveryvividdreamasIsleptonenightatmywife’sside。
Idreamedthatmydeadchildren,thefourofthem,forthetallestladboreinhisarmsmyfirstborn,thatinfantwhodiedinthegreatsiege,cametomeastheyhadoftencomewhenI
ruledthepeopleoftheOtomieintheCityofPines,andtalkedwithme,givingmeflowersandkissingmyhands。
Ilookedupontheirstrengthandbeauty,andwasproudatheart,and,inmydream,itseemedasthoughsomegreatsorrowhadbeenliftedfrommymind;asthoughthesedearoneshadbeenlostandnowwerefoundagain。
Ah!whatmiseryisthereliketothismiseryofdreams,thatcanthusgiveusbackourdeadinmockery,andthendeparting,leaveuswithakeenerwoe?
Well,Idreamedon,talkingwithmychildreninmysleepandnamingthembytheirbelovednames,tillatlengthIwoketolookonemptiness,andknowingallmysorrowIsobbedaloud。
Nowitwasearlymorning,andthelightoftheAugustsunstreamedthroughthewindow,butI,deemingthatmywifeslept,stilllayintheshadowofmydreamasitwere,andgroaned,murmuringthenamesofthosewhomImightneverseeagain。
Itchanced,however,thatshewasawake,andhadoverheardthosewordswhichIspokewiththedead,whileIwasyetasleepandafter;andthoughsomeofthistalkwasinthetongueoftheOtomie,themostwasEnglish,andknowingthenamesofmychildrensheguessedthepurportofitall。
Suddenlyshesprangfromthebedandstoodoverme,andtherewassuchangerinhereyesasIhadneverseenbeforenorhaveseensince,nordiditlastlongthen,forpresentlyindeeditwasquenchedintears。
’Whatisit,wife?’Iaskedastonished。
’Itishard,’sheanswered,’thatImustbeartolistentosuchtalkfromyourlips,husband。
Wasitnotenoughthat,whenallmenthoughtyoudead,Iworemyyouthawayfaithfultoyourmemory?
thoughhowfaithfulyouweretomineyouknowbest。
DidIeverreproachyoubecauseyouhadforgottenme,andweddedasavagewomaninadistantland?’
’Never,dearwife,norhadIforgottenyouasyouknowwell;butwhatIwonderatisthatyoushouldgrowjealousnowwhenallcauseisdonewith。’
’Cannotwebejealousofthedead?
Withthelivingwemaycope,butwhocanfightagainstthelovewhichdeathhascompleted,sealingitforeverandmakingitimmortal!
Still,THATIforgiveyou,foragainstthiswomanIcanholdmyown,seeingthatyouwereminebeforeyoubecamehers,andaremineafterit。
Butwiththechildrenitisotherwise。
Theyarehersandyoursalone。
Ihavenopartnorlotinthem,andwhethertheybedeadorlivingIknowwellyoulovethemalways,andwilllovethembeyondthegraveifyoumayfindthemthere。
AlreadyIgrowold,whowaitedtwentyyearsandmorebeforeIwasyourwife,andIshallgiveyounootherchildren。
OneIgaveyou,andGodtookitbacklestIshouldbetoohappy;yetitsnamewasnotonyourlipswiththosestrangenames。
Mydeadbabeislittletoyou,husband!’
Hereshechoked,burstingintotears;nordidIthinkitwelltoanswerherthattherewasthisdifferenceinthematter,thatwhereas,withtheexceptionofoneinfant,thosesonswhomIhadlostwerealmostadolescent,thebabesheborelivedbutsixtydays。
NowwhentheQueenfirstputitinmymindtowritedownthehistoryofmylife,Irememberedthisoutbreakofmybelovedwife;
andseeingthatIcouldwritenotruetaleandleaveoutofitthestoryofherwhowasalsomywife,Montezuma’sdaughter,Otomie,PrincessoftheOtomie,andofthechildrenthatshegaveme,Iletthematterlie。
ForIknewwell,thatthoughwespokeveryrarelyonthesubjectduringallthemanyyearswepassedtogether,stillitwasalwaysinLily’smind;nordidherjealousy,beingofthefinersort,abateatallwithage,butrathergatheredwiththegatheringdays。
ThatIshouldexecutethetaskwithouttheknowledgeofmywifewouldnothavebeenpossible,fortilltheverylastshewatchedovermyeveryact,and,asIverilybelieve,divinedthemostofmythoughts。
Andsowegrewoldtogether,peacefully,andsidebyside,speakingseldomofthatgreatgapinmylifewhenwewerelosttoeachotherandofallthatthenbefell。
Atlengththeendcame。
Mywifediedsuddenlyinhersleepintheeighty-seventhyearofherage。
I
buriedheronthesouthsideofthechurchhere,withsorrowindeed,butnotwithsorrowinconsolable,forIknowthatImustsoonrejoinher,andthoseotherswhomIhaveloved。
Thereinthatwideheavenaremymotherandmysisterandmysons;
therearegreatGuatemocmyfriend,lastoftheemperors,andmanyothercompanionsinwarwhohaveprecededmetopeace;there,too,thoughshedoubtedofit,isOtomiethebeautifulandproud。
IntheheavenwhichItrusttoreach,allthesinsofmyyouthandtheerrorsofmyagenotwithstanding,itistoldusthereisnomarryingandgivinginmarriage;andthisiswell,forIdonotknowhowmywives,Montezuma’sdaughterandthesweetEnglishgentlewoman,wouldagreetogetherwereitotherwise。
Andnowtomytask。
I,ThomasWingfield,wasbornhereatDitchingham,andinthisveryroomwhereIwriteto-day。
ThehouseofmybirthwasbuiltoraddedtoearlyinthereignoftheseventhHenry,butlongbeforehistimesomekindoftenementstoodhere,whichwaslivedinbythekeeperofthevineyards,andknownasGardener’sLodge。
Whetheritchancedthattheclimatewasmorekindlyinoldtimes,ortheskillofthosewhotendedthefieldswasgreater,Idonotknow,butthisattheleastistrue,thatthehillsidebeneathwhichthehousenestles,andwhichoncewasthebankofanarmoftheseaorofagreatbroad,wasavineyardinEarlBigod’sdays。
Longsinceithasceasedtogrowgrapes,thoughthenameofthe’Earl’sVineyard’stillclingstoallthatslopeoflandwhichliesbetweenthishouseandacertainhealth-givingspringthatbubblesfromthebankthehalfofamileaway,inthewatersofwhichsickfolkscometobatheevenfromNorwichandLowestoft。
Butshelteredasitisfromtheeastwinds,tothishourtheplacehastheadvantagethatgardensplantedhereareearlierbyfourteendaysthananyothersinthecountryside,andthatamanmaysitinthemcoatlessinthebittermonthofMay,whenonthetopofthehill,nottwohundredpaceshence,hemustshiverinajacketofotterskins。
TheLodge,forsoithasalwaysbeennamed,initsbeginningshavingbeenbutafarmhouse,facestothesouth-west,andisbuiltsolowthatitmightwellbethoughtthatthedampfromtheriverWaveney,whichrunsthroughthemarshescloseby,wouldriseinit。
Butthisisnotso,forthoughinautumntheroke,ashereinNorfolkwenamegroundfog,hangsaboutthehouseatnightfall,andinseasonsofgreatfloodthewaterhasbeenknowntopourintothestablesatthebackofit,yetbeingbuiltonsandandgravelthereisnohealthierhabitationintheparish。
Fortherestthebuildingisofstud-workandredbrick,quaintandmellowlooking,withmanycornersandgablesthatinsummerarehalfhiddeninrosesandothercreepingplants,andwithitsoutlookonthemarshesandthecommonwherethelightsvarycontinuallywiththeseasonsandevenwiththehoursoftheday,ontheredroofsofBungaytown,andonthewoodedbankthatstretchesroundtheEarshamlands;thoughtherearemanylarger,tomymindthereisnonepleasanterintheseparts。
HereinthishouseIwasborn,andheredoubtlessIshalldie,andhavingspokenofitatsomelength,aswearewonttodoofspotswhichlongcustomhasendearedtous,Iwillgoontotellofmyparentage。
First,then,Iwouldsetoutwithacertainpride——forwhoofusdoesnotloveanancientnamewhenwehappentobeborntoit?——
thatIamsprungfromthefamilyoftheWingfieldsofWingfieldCastleinSuffolk,thatliessometwohoursonhorsebackfromthisplace。
LongagotheheiressoftheWingfieldsmarriedaDelaPole,afamilyfamousinourhistory,thelastofwhom,Edmund,EarlofSuffolk,losthisheadfortreasonwhenIwasyoung,andthecastlepassedtotheDelaPoleswithher。
ButsomeoffshootsoftheoldWingfieldstocklingeredintheneighbourhood,perchancetherewasabarsinisterontheircoatofarms,Iknownotanddonotcaretoknow;attheleastmyfathersandIareofthisblood。
Mygrandfatherwasashrewdman,moreofayeomanthanasquire,thoughhisbirthwasgentle。
Heitwaswhoboughtthisplacewiththelandsroundit,andgatheredupsomefortune,mostlybycarefulmarryingandliving,forthoughhehadbutonesonhewastwicemarried,andalsobytradingincattle。
Nowmygrandfatherwasgodly-mindedeventosuperstition,andstrangeasitmayseem,havingonlyoneson,nothingwouldsatisfyhimbutthattheboyshouldbemadeapriest。
Butmyfatherhadlittleleaningtowardsthepriesthoodandlifeinamonastery,thoughatallseasonsmygrandfatherstrovetoreasonitintohim,sometimeswithwordsandexamples,atotherswithhisthickcudgelofholly,thatstillhangsovertheingleinthesmallersitting-
room。
TheendofitwasthattheladwassenttotheprioryhereinBungay,wherehisconductwasofsuchnaturethatwithinayearthepriorprayedhisparentstotakehimbackandsethiminsomewayofsecularlife。
Notonly,sosaidtheprior,didmyfathercausescandalbyhisactions,breakingoutoftheprioryatnightandvisitingdrinkinghousesandotherplaces;but,suchwasthesumofhiswickedness,hedidnotscrupletoquestionandmakemockoftheverydoctrinesoftheChurch,allegingeventhattherewasnothingsacredintheimageoftheVirginMarywhichstoodinthechancel,andshutitseyesinprayerbeforeallthecongregationwhenthepriestelevatedtheHost。
’Therefore,’saidtheprior,’I
prayyoutakebackyourson,andlethimfindsomeotherroadtothestakethanthatwhichrunsthroughthegatesofBungayPriory。’
Nowatthisstorymygrandfatherwassoenragedthathealmostfellintoafit;thenrecovering,hebethoughthimofhiscudgelofholly,andwouldhaveusedit。
Butmyfather,whowasnownineteenyearsofageandverystoutandstrong,twisteditfromhishandandflungitfullfiftyyards,sayingthatnomanshouldtouchhimmorewereheahundredtimeshisfather。
Thenhewalkedaway,leavingthepriorandmygrandfatherstaringateachother。
Nowtoshortenalongtale,theendofthematterwasthis。
Itwasbelievedbothbymygrandfatherandthepriorthatthetruecauseofmyfather’scontumacywasapassionwhichhehadconceivedforagirlofhumblebirth,amiller’sfairdaughterwhodweltatWaingfordMills。
Perhapstherewastruthinthisbelief,orperhapstherewasnone。
Whatdoesitmatter,seeingthatthemaidmarriedabutcheratBecclesanddiedyearssinceatthegoodageofninetyandfive?
Buttrueorfalse,mygrandfatherbelievedthetale,andknowingwellthatabsenceisthesurestcureforlove,heenteredintoaplanwiththepriorthatmyfathershouldbesenttoamonasteryatSevilleinSpain,ofwhichtheprior’sbrotherwasabbot,andtherelearntoforgetthemiller’sdaughterandallotherworldlythings。
Whenthiswastoldtomyfatherhefellintoitreadilyenough,beingayoungmanofspiritandhavingagreatdesiretoseetheworld,otherwise,however,thanthroughthegratingsofamonasterywindow。
SotheendofitwasthathewenttoforeignpartsinthecareofapartyofSpanishmonks,whohadjourneyedheretoNorfolkonapilgrimagetotheshrineofourLadyofWalsingham。
Itissaidthatmygrandfatherweptwhenhepartedwithhisson,feelingthatheshouldseehimnomore;yetsostrongwashisreligion,orratherhissuperstition,thathedidnothesitatetosendhimaway,thoughfornoreasonsavethathewouldmortifyhisownloveandflesh,offeringhissonforasacrificeasAbrahamwouldhaveofferedIsaac。
Butthoughmyfatherappearedtoconsenttothesacrifice,asdidIsaac,yethismindwasnotaltogethersetonaltarsandfaggots;inshort,ashehimselftoldmeinafteryears,hisplanswerealreadylaid。
ThusitchancedthatwhenhehadsailedfromYarmouthayearandsixmonths,therecamealetterfromtheabbotofthemonasteryinSevilletohisbrother,thepriorofSt。Mary’satBungay,sayingthatmyfatherhadfledfromthemonastery,leavingnotraceofwherehehadgone。
Mygrandfatherwasgrievedatthistidings,butsaidlittleaboutit。
Twomoreyearspassedaway,andtherecameothernews,namely,thatmyfatherhadbeencaptured,thathehadbeenhandedovertothepoweroftheHolyOffice,astheaccursedInquisitionwasthennamed,andtorturedtodeathatSeville。