Forshehadasecretsorrowthatateherheartaway,althoughsheneverspokeofit。
  Butonechildwasborntous,andthischilddiedininfancy,norforallherprayersdiditpleaseGodtogiveheranother,andindeedrememberingthewordsofOtomieIdidnotexpectthatitwouldbeso。
  NowsheknewwellthatyonderacrosstheseasIhadchildrenwhomIlovedbyanotherwife,andthoughtheywerelongdead,mustalwaysloveunalterably,andthisthoughtwrungherheart。
  ThatIhadbeenthehusbandofanotherwomanshecouldforgive,butthatthiswomanshouldhavebornemechildrenwhosememorywasstillsodear,shecouldnotforgetifsheforgaveit,shewhowaschildless。
  Whyitwasso,beingbutaman,Icannotsay;forwhocanknowallthemysteryofalovingwoman’sheart?
  Butsoitwas。
  Once,indeed,wequarrelledonthematter;itwasouronlyquarrel。
  Itchancedthatwhenwehadbeenmarriedbuttwoyears,andourbabewassomefewdaysburiedinthechurchyardofthisparishofDitchingham,IdreamedaveryvividdreamasIsleptonenightatmywife’sside。
  Idreamedthatmydeadchildren,thefourofthem,forthetallestladboreinhisarmsmyfirstborn,thatinfantwhodiedinthegreatsiege,cametomeastheyhadoftencomewhenI
  ruledthepeopleoftheOtomieintheCityofPines,andtalkedwithme,givingmeflowersandkissingmyhands。
  Ilookedupontheirstrengthandbeauty,andwasproudatheart,and,inmydream,itseemedasthoughsomegreatsorrowhadbeenliftedfrommymind;asthoughthesedearoneshadbeenlostandnowwerefoundagain。
  Ah!whatmiseryisthereliketothismiseryofdreams,thatcanthusgiveusbackourdeadinmockery,andthendeparting,leaveuswithakeenerwoe?
  Well,Idreamedon,talkingwithmychildreninmysleepandnamingthembytheirbelovednames,tillatlengthIwoketolookonemptiness,andknowingallmysorrowIsobbedaloud。
  Nowitwasearlymorning,andthelightoftheAugustsunstreamedthroughthewindow,butI,deemingthatmywifeslept,stilllayintheshadowofmydreamasitwere,andgroaned,murmuringthenamesofthosewhomImightneverseeagain。
  Itchanced,however,thatshewasawake,andhadoverheardthosewordswhichIspokewiththedead,whileIwasyetasleepandafter;andthoughsomeofthistalkwasinthetongueoftheOtomie,themostwasEnglish,andknowingthenamesofmychildrensheguessedthepurportofitall。
  Suddenlyshesprangfromthebedandstoodoverme,andtherewassuchangerinhereyesasIhadneverseenbeforenorhaveseensince,nordiditlastlongthen,forpresentlyindeeditwasquenchedintears。
  ’Whatisit,wife?’Iaskedastonished。
  ’Itishard,’sheanswered,’thatImustbeartolistentosuchtalkfromyourlips,husband。
  Wasitnotenoughthat,whenallmenthoughtyoudead,Iworemyyouthawayfaithfultoyourmemory?
  thoughhowfaithfulyouweretomineyouknowbest。
  DidIeverreproachyoubecauseyouhadforgottenme,andweddedasavagewomaninadistantland?’
  ’Never,dearwife,norhadIforgottenyouasyouknowwell;butwhatIwonderatisthatyoushouldgrowjealousnowwhenallcauseisdonewith。’
  ’Cannotwebejealousofthedead?
  Withthelivingwemaycope,butwhocanfightagainstthelovewhichdeathhascompleted,sealingitforeverandmakingitimmortal!
  Still,THATIforgiveyou,foragainstthiswomanIcanholdmyown,seeingthatyouwereminebeforeyoubecamehers,andaremineafterit。
  Butwiththechildrenitisotherwise。
  Theyarehersandyoursalone。
  Ihavenopartnorlotinthem,andwhethertheybedeadorlivingIknowwellyoulovethemalways,andwilllovethembeyondthegraveifyoumayfindthemthere。
  AlreadyIgrowold,whowaitedtwentyyearsandmorebeforeIwasyourwife,andIshallgiveyounootherchildren。
  OneIgaveyou,andGodtookitbacklestIshouldbetoohappy;yetitsnamewasnotonyourlipswiththosestrangenames。
  Mydeadbabeislittletoyou,husband!’
  Hereshechoked,burstingintotears;nordidIthinkitwelltoanswerherthattherewasthisdifferenceinthematter,thatwhereas,withtheexceptionofoneinfant,thosesonswhomIhadlostwerealmostadolescent,thebabesheborelivedbutsixtydays。
  NowwhentheQueenfirstputitinmymindtowritedownthehistoryofmylife,Irememberedthisoutbreakofmybelovedwife;
  andseeingthatIcouldwritenotruetaleandleaveoutofitthestoryofherwhowasalsomywife,Montezuma’sdaughter,Otomie,PrincessoftheOtomie,andofthechildrenthatshegaveme,Iletthematterlie。
  ForIknewwell,thatthoughwespokeveryrarelyonthesubjectduringallthemanyyearswepassedtogether,stillitwasalwaysinLily’smind;nordidherjealousy,beingofthefinersort,abateatallwithage,butrathergatheredwiththegatheringdays。
  ThatIshouldexecutethetaskwithouttheknowledgeofmywifewouldnothavebeenpossible,fortilltheverylastshewatchedovermyeveryact,and,asIverilybelieve,divinedthemostofmythoughts。
  Andsowegrewoldtogether,peacefully,andsidebyside,speakingseldomofthatgreatgapinmylifewhenwewerelosttoeachotherandofallthatthenbefell。
  Atlengththeendcame。
  Mywifediedsuddenlyinhersleepintheeighty-seventhyearofherage。
  I
  buriedheronthesouthsideofthechurchhere,withsorrowindeed,butnotwithsorrowinconsolable,forIknowthatImustsoonrejoinher,andthoseotherswhomIhaveloved。
  Thereinthatwideheavenaremymotherandmysisterandmysons;
  therearegreatGuatemocmyfriend,lastoftheemperors,andmanyothercompanionsinwarwhohaveprecededmetopeace;there,too,thoughshedoubtedofit,isOtomiethebeautifulandproud。
  IntheheavenwhichItrusttoreach,allthesinsofmyyouthandtheerrorsofmyagenotwithstanding,itistoldusthereisnomarryingandgivinginmarriage;andthisiswell,forIdonotknowhowmywives,Montezuma’sdaughterandthesweetEnglishgentlewoman,wouldagreetogetherwereitotherwise。
  Andnowtomytask。
  I,ThomasWingfield,wasbornhereatDitchingham,andinthisveryroomwhereIwriteto-day。
  ThehouseofmybirthwasbuiltoraddedtoearlyinthereignoftheseventhHenry,butlongbeforehistimesomekindoftenementstoodhere,whichwaslivedinbythekeeperofthevineyards,andknownasGardener’sLodge。
  Whetheritchancedthattheclimatewasmorekindlyinoldtimes,ortheskillofthosewhotendedthefieldswasgreater,Idonotknow,butthisattheleastistrue,thatthehillsidebeneathwhichthehousenestles,andwhichoncewasthebankofanarmoftheseaorofagreatbroad,wasavineyardinEarlBigod’sdays。
  Longsinceithasceasedtogrowgrapes,thoughthenameofthe’Earl’sVineyard’stillclingstoallthatslopeoflandwhichliesbetweenthishouseandacertainhealth-givingspringthatbubblesfromthebankthehalfofamileaway,inthewatersofwhichsickfolkscometobatheevenfromNorwichandLowestoft。
  Butshelteredasitisfromtheeastwinds,tothishourtheplacehastheadvantagethatgardensplantedhereareearlierbyfourteendaysthananyothersinthecountryside,andthatamanmaysitinthemcoatlessinthebittermonthofMay,whenonthetopofthehill,nottwohundredpaceshence,hemustshiverinajacketofotterskins。
  TheLodge,forsoithasalwaysbeennamed,initsbeginningshavingbeenbutafarmhouse,facestothesouth-west,andisbuiltsolowthatitmightwellbethoughtthatthedampfromtheriverWaveney,whichrunsthroughthemarshescloseby,wouldriseinit。
  Butthisisnotso,forthoughinautumntheroke,ashereinNorfolkwenamegroundfog,hangsaboutthehouseatnightfall,andinseasonsofgreatfloodthewaterhasbeenknowntopourintothestablesatthebackofit,yetbeingbuiltonsandandgravelthereisnohealthierhabitationintheparish。
  Fortherestthebuildingisofstud-workandredbrick,quaintandmellowlooking,withmanycornersandgablesthatinsummerarehalfhiddeninrosesandothercreepingplants,andwithitsoutlookonthemarshesandthecommonwherethelightsvarycontinuallywiththeseasonsandevenwiththehoursoftheday,ontheredroofsofBungaytown,andonthewoodedbankthatstretchesroundtheEarshamlands;thoughtherearemanylarger,tomymindthereisnonepleasanterintheseparts。
  HereinthishouseIwasborn,andheredoubtlessIshalldie,andhavingspokenofitatsomelength,aswearewonttodoofspotswhichlongcustomhasendearedtous,Iwillgoontotellofmyparentage。
  First,then,Iwouldsetoutwithacertainpride——forwhoofusdoesnotloveanancientnamewhenwehappentobeborntoit?——
  thatIamsprungfromthefamilyoftheWingfieldsofWingfieldCastleinSuffolk,thatliessometwohoursonhorsebackfromthisplace。
  LongagotheheiressoftheWingfieldsmarriedaDelaPole,afamilyfamousinourhistory,thelastofwhom,Edmund,EarlofSuffolk,losthisheadfortreasonwhenIwasyoung,andthecastlepassedtotheDelaPoleswithher。
  ButsomeoffshootsoftheoldWingfieldstocklingeredintheneighbourhood,perchancetherewasabarsinisterontheircoatofarms,Iknownotanddonotcaretoknow;attheleastmyfathersandIareofthisblood。
  Mygrandfatherwasashrewdman,moreofayeomanthanasquire,thoughhisbirthwasgentle。
  Heitwaswhoboughtthisplacewiththelandsroundit,andgatheredupsomefortune,mostlybycarefulmarryingandliving,forthoughhehadbutonesonhewastwicemarried,andalsobytradingincattle。
  Nowmygrandfatherwasgodly-mindedeventosuperstition,andstrangeasitmayseem,havingonlyoneson,nothingwouldsatisfyhimbutthattheboyshouldbemadeapriest。
  Butmyfatherhadlittleleaningtowardsthepriesthoodandlifeinamonastery,thoughatallseasonsmygrandfatherstrovetoreasonitintohim,sometimeswithwordsandexamples,atotherswithhisthickcudgelofholly,thatstillhangsovertheingleinthesmallersitting-
  room。
  TheendofitwasthattheladwassenttotheprioryhereinBungay,wherehisconductwasofsuchnaturethatwithinayearthepriorprayedhisparentstotakehimbackandsethiminsomewayofsecularlife。
  Notonly,sosaidtheprior,didmyfathercausescandalbyhisactions,breakingoutoftheprioryatnightandvisitingdrinkinghousesandotherplaces;but,suchwasthesumofhiswickedness,hedidnotscrupletoquestionandmakemockoftheverydoctrinesoftheChurch,allegingeventhattherewasnothingsacredintheimageoftheVirginMarywhichstoodinthechancel,andshutitseyesinprayerbeforeallthecongregationwhenthepriestelevatedtheHost。
  ’Therefore,’saidtheprior,’I
  prayyoutakebackyourson,andlethimfindsomeotherroadtothestakethanthatwhichrunsthroughthegatesofBungayPriory。’
  Nowatthisstorymygrandfatherwassoenragedthathealmostfellintoafit;thenrecovering,hebethoughthimofhiscudgelofholly,andwouldhaveusedit。
  Butmyfather,whowasnownineteenyearsofageandverystoutandstrong,twisteditfromhishandandflungitfullfiftyyards,sayingthatnomanshouldtouchhimmorewereheahundredtimeshisfather。
  Thenhewalkedaway,leavingthepriorandmygrandfatherstaringateachother。
  Nowtoshortenalongtale,theendofthematterwasthis。
  Itwasbelievedbothbymygrandfatherandthepriorthatthetruecauseofmyfather’scontumacywasapassionwhichhehadconceivedforagirlofhumblebirth,amiller’sfairdaughterwhodweltatWaingfordMills。
  Perhapstherewastruthinthisbelief,orperhapstherewasnone。
  Whatdoesitmatter,seeingthatthemaidmarriedabutcheratBecclesanddiedyearssinceatthegoodageofninetyandfive?
  Buttrueorfalse,mygrandfatherbelievedthetale,andknowingwellthatabsenceisthesurestcureforlove,heenteredintoaplanwiththepriorthatmyfathershouldbesenttoamonasteryatSevilleinSpain,ofwhichtheprior’sbrotherwasabbot,andtherelearntoforgetthemiller’sdaughterandallotherworldlythings。
  Whenthiswastoldtomyfatherhefellintoitreadilyenough,beingayoungmanofspiritandhavingagreatdesiretoseetheworld,otherwise,however,thanthroughthegratingsofamonasterywindow。
  SotheendofitwasthathewenttoforeignpartsinthecareofapartyofSpanishmonks,whohadjourneyedheretoNorfolkonapilgrimagetotheshrineofourLadyofWalsingham。
  Itissaidthatmygrandfatherweptwhenhepartedwithhisson,feelingthatheshouldseehimnomore;yetsostrongwashisreligion,orratherhissuperstition,thathedidnothesitatetosendhimaway,thoughfornoreasonsavethathewouldmortifyhisownloveandflesh,offeringhissonforasacrificeasAbrahamwouldhaveofferedIsaac。
  Butthoughmyfatherappearedtoconsenttothesacrifice,asdidIsaac,yethismindwasnotaltogethersetonaltarsandfaggots;inshort,ashehimselftoldmeinafteryears,hisplanswerealreadylaid。
  ThusitchancedthatwhenhehadsailedfromYarmouthayearandsixmonths,therecamealetterfromtheabbotofthemonasteryinSevilletohisbrother,thepriorofSt。Mary’satBungay,sayingthatmyfatherhadfledfromthemonastery,leavingnotraceofwherehehadgone。
  Mygrandfatherwasgrievedatthistidings,butsaidlittleaboutit。
  Twomoreyearspassedaway,andtherecameothernews,namely,thatmyfatherhadbeencaptured,thathehadbeenhandedovertothepoweroftheHolyOffice,astheaccursedInquisitionwasthennamed,andtorturedtodeathatSeville。