KNEWthathewasmine,bodyandmind,andthathemustanswerandtruly,sosurelyashemustdiewhenIchosetokillhim。
Hetriedtoshuthislips,buttheyopenedofthemselvesandwordbywordthetruthwasdraggedfromhisblackheartasthoughhestoodalreadybeforethejudgmentseat。
’Ilovedyourmother,mycousin,’hesaid,speakingslowlyandpainfully;’fromachildIlovedheronlyintheworld,asIlovehertothishour,butshehatedmebecauseIwaswickedandfearedmebecauseIwascruel。
Thenshesawyourfatherandlovedhim,andbroughtabouthisescapefromtheHolyOffice,whitherIhaddeliveredhimtobetorturedandburnt,andfledwithhimtoEngland。
IwasjealousandwouldhavebeenrevengedifImight,buttherewasnoway。
Iledanevillife,andwhennearlytwentyyearshadgoneby,chancetookmetoEnglandonatradingjourney。
BychanceIlearnedthatyourfatherandmotherlivednearYarmouth,andIdeterminedtoseeher,thoughatthattimeIhadnothoughtofkillingher。
Fortunefavouredme,andwemetinthewoodland,andIsawthatshewasstillbeautifulandknewthatI
lovedhermorethaneverbefore。
Igaveherchoicetoflywithmeortodie,andafterawhileshedied。
Butassheshrankupthewoodedhillsidebeforemysword,ofasuddenshestoodstillandsaid:
’“Listenbeforeyousmite,Juan。
Ihaveadeathvision。
AsIhavefledfromyou,soshallyouflybeforeoneofmybloodinaplaceoffireandrockandsnow,andasyoudrivemetothegatesofheaven,soheshalldriveyouintothemouthofhell。“’
’Insuchaplaceasthis,cousin,’Isaid。
’Insuchaplaceasthis,’hewhispered,glancinground。
’Continue。’
Againhestrovetobesilent,butagainmywillmasteredhimandhespoke。
’ItwastoolatetospareherifIwishedtoescapemyself,soI
killedherandfled。
Butterrorenteredmyheart,terrorwhichhasneverleftittothishour,foralwaysbeforemyeyeswasthevisionofhimofyourmother’sblood,beforewhomIshouldflyasshefledbeforeme,whoshalldrivemeintothemouthofhell。’
’Thatmustbeyonder,cousin,’Isaid,pointingwiththeswordtowardthepitofthecrater。
’Itisyonder;Ihavelooked。’
’Butonlyforthebody,cousin,notforthespirit。’
’Onlyforthebody,notforthespirit,’herepeatedafterme。
’Continue,’Isaid。
’AfterwardsonthatsamedayImetyou,ThomasWingfield。
Alreadyyourdeadmother’sprophecyhadtakenholdofme,andseeingoneofherbloodIstrovetokillhimlestheshouldkillme。’
’Ashewilldopresently,cousin。’
’Ashewilldopresently,’herepeatedlikeatalkingbird。
’YouknowwhathappenedandhowIescaped。
IfledtoSpainandstrovetoforget。
ButIcouldnot。
OnenightIsawafaceinthestreetsofSevillethatremindedmeofyourface。
Ididnotthinkthatitcouldbeyou,yetsostrongwasmyfearthatIdeterminedtoflytothefarIndies。
YoumetmeonthenightofmyflightwhenIwasbiddingfarewelltoalady。’
’OneIsabelladeSiguenza,cousin。
Ibadefarewelltoherafterwardsanddeliveredherdyingwordstoyou。
Nowshewaitstowelcomeyouagain,sheandherchild。’
Heshudderedandwenton。
’Intheoceanwemetagain。
Youroseoutofthesea。
Ididnotdaretokillyouatonce,Ithoughtthatyoumustdieintheslave-holdandthatnonecouldbearwitnessagainstmeandholdmeguiltyofyourblood。
Youdidnotdie,eventheseacouldnotdestroyyou。
ButIthoughtthatyouweredead。
IcametoAnahuacinthetrainofCortesandagainwemet;thattimeyounearlykilledme。
AfterwardsIhadmyrevengeandI
torturedyouwell;Imeanttomurderyouonthemorrow,thoughfirstIwouldtortureyou,forterrorcanbeverycruel,butyouescapedme。
Longyearspassed,Iwanderedhitherandthither,toSpain,backtoMexico,andelsewhere,butwhereverIwentmyfear,theghostsofthedead,andmydreamswentwithme,andIwasneverfortunate。
OnlytheotherdayIjoinedthecompanyofDiazasanadventurer。
NottillwereachedtheCityofPinesdidIlearnthatyouwerethecaptainoftheOtomie;itwassaidthatyouwerelongdead。
Youknowtherest。’
’Whydidyoumurdermyson,cousin?’
’Washenotofyourmother’sblood,ofthebloodthatshouldbringmydoomuponme,anddidIoweyounorewardforalltheterrorsofthesemanyyears?
Moreoverheisfoolishwhostrivestoslaythefatherandsparestheson。
HeisdeadandIamgladthatIkilledhim,thoughhehauntsmenowwiththeothers。’
’Andshallhauntyoueternally。
Nowletusmakeanend。
Youhaveyoursword,useitifyoucan。
Itwillbeeasiertodiefighting。’
’Icannot,’hegroaned;’mydoomisuponme。’
’Asyouwill,’andIcameathim,swordup。
Heranfrombeforeme,movingbackwardsandkeepinghiseyesfixeduponmine,asIhaveseenaratdowhenasnakeisabouttoswallowit。
Nowwewereupontheedgeofthecrater,andlookingoverI
sawanawfulsight。
Forthere,somethirtyfeetbeneathus,thered-hotlavaglowingsullenlybeneathashiftingpallofsmoke,rolledandspoutedlikeathingalive。
Jetsofsteamflewupwardsfromitwithascreamingsound,linesofnoxiousvapours,many-
coloured,creptandtwistedonitssurface,andahotandhorridstenchpoisonedtheheatedair。
HereindeedwassuchagateasI
couldwishfordeGarciatopassthroughtohisownabode。
Ilooked,pointedwithmysword,andlaughed;helookedandshriekedaloud,fornowallhismanhoodhadlefthim,sogreatwashisterrorofwhatlaybeyondtheend。
Yes,thisproudandhaughtySpaniardscreamedandweptandprayedformercy;hewhohaddonesomanyvillaniesbeyondforgiveness,prayedformercythathemightfindtimetorepent。
Istoodandwatchedhim,andsodreadfulwashisaspectthathorrorstruckmeeventhroughthecalmofmyfrozenheart。
’Come,itistimetofinish,’Isaid,andagainIliftedmysword,onlytoletitfall,forsuddenlyhisbraingavewayanddeGarciawentmadbeforemyeyes!
OfallthatfollowedIwillnotwrite。
Withhismadnesscouragecamebacktohim,andhebegantofight,butnotwithME。
Heseemedtoperceivemenomore,butneverthelesshefought,anddesperately,thrustingattheemptyair。
Itwasterribletoseehimthusdoingbattlewithhisinvisiblefoes,andtohearhisscreamsandcurses,asinchbyinchtheydrovehimbacktotheedgeofthecrater。
Herehestoodawhile,likeonewhomakesalaststandagainstoverpoweringstrength,thrustingandstrikingfuriously。
Twicehenearlyfell,asthoughbeneathamortalwound,butrecoveringhimself,foughtonwithNothingness。
Then,withasharpcry,suddenlyhethrewhisarmswide,asamandoeswhoispiercedthroughtheheart;hissworddroppedfromhishand,andhefellbackwardsintothepit。
Iturnedawaymyeyes,forIwishedtoseenomore;butoftenI
havewonderedWhoorWhatitwasthatdealtdeGarciahisdeathwound。
ThusthendidIaccomplishthevengeancethatIhadsworntomyfatherIwouldwreakupondeGarcia,orrather,thusdidIwitnessitsaccomplishment,forintheendhedied,terriblyenough,notbymyhandbutbythoseofhisownfears。
SincethenIhavesorrowedforthis,for,whenthefrozenandunnaturalcalmpassedfrommymind,Ihatedhimasbitterlyasever,andgrievedthatIlethimdieotherwisethanbymyhand,andtothishoursuchismymindtowardshim。
Doubtless,manymaythinkitwicked,sincewearetaughttoforgiveourenemies,buthereIleavetheforgivenesstoGod,forhowcanIpardononewhobetrayedmyfathertothepriests,whomurderedmymotherandmyson,whochainedmeintheslave-shipandformanyhourstorturedmewithhisownhand?
Rather,yearbyyear,doIhatehimmore。
Iwriteofthisatsomelength,sincethematterhasbeenatroubletome。
InevercouldsaythatIwasincharitywithallmenlivinganddead,andbecauseofthis,someyearssince,aworthyandlearnedrectorofthisparishtookuponhimselftorefusemetheritesofthechurch。
ThenIwenttothebishopandlaidthestorybeforehim,anditpuzzledhimsomewhat。
Buthewasamanoflargemind,andintheendherebukedtherectorandcommandedhimtoministertome,forhethoughtwithmethattheAlmightycouldnotaskofanerringman,thatheshouldforgiveonewhohadwroughtsuchevilsonhimandhis,eventhoughthatenemyweredeadandgonetojudgmentinanotherplace。
Butenoughofthisquestionofconscience。
WhendeGarciawasgoneintothepit,Iturnedmystepshomewards,orrathertowardstheruinedcitywhichIcouldseebeneathme,forIhadnohomeleft。
NowImustdescendtheicecap,andthisI
foundlesseasythanclimbingithadbeen,for,myvengeancebeingaccomplished,Ibecameasothermenare,andasadandwearyoneatthat,sosadindeedthatIshouldnothavesorrowedgreatlyifI
hadmadeafalsestepupontheice。
ButImadenone,andatlengthIcametothesnowwherethetravellingwaseasy。
Myoathwasfulfilledandmyvengeancewasaccomplished,butasIwentIreckonedupthecost。
Ihadlostmybetrothed,theloveofmyyouth;fortwentyyearsIhadlivedasavagechiefamongsavagesandmadeacquaintancewitheveryhardship,weddedtoawomanwho,althoughshelovedmedearly,anddidnotlacknobilityofmind,asshehadshowntheotherday,wasstillatheartasavageor,attheleast,athrallofdemongods。
ThetribethatIruledwasconquered,thebeautifulcitywhereI
dweltwasaruin,Iwashomelessandabeggar,andmyfortunewouldbegreatifintheissueIescapeddeathorslavery。
AllthisI
couldhaveborne,forIhadbornethelikebefore,butthecruelendofmylastsurvivingson,theonetruejoyofmydesolatelife,Icouldnotbear。
Theloveofthosechildrenhadbecomethepassionofmymiddleage,andasIlovedthemsotheyhadlovedme。
IhadtrainedthemfrombabyhoodtilltheirheartswereEnglishandnotAztec,asweretheirspeechandfaith,andthustheywerenotonlymydearchildren,butcompanionsofmyownrace,theonlyonesIhad。
Andnowbyaccident,bysickness,andbythesword,theyweredeadthethreeofthem,andIwasdesolate。
Ah!wethinkmuchofthesorrowsofouryouth,andshouldasweetheartgiveusthegobywefilltheworldwithmoansandswearthatitholdsnocomfortforus。
Butwhenwebendourheadsbeforetheshroudedshapeofsomelostchild,thenitisthatforthefirsttimewelearnhowterriblegriefcanbe。
Time,theytellus,willbringconsolation,butitisfalse,forsuchsorrowstimehasnosalves——Isayitwhoamold——astheyaresotheyshallbe。
Thereisnohopebutfaith,thereisnocomfortsaveinthetruththatlovewhichmighthavewitheredontheearthgrowsfastestinthetomb,toflowergloriouslyinheaven;thatnoloveindeedcanbeperfecttillGodsanctifiesandcompletesitwithHissealofdeath。
IthrewmyselfdownthereuponthedesolatesnowsofXaca,thatnonehadtrodbefore,andweptsuchtearsasamanmayweepbutonceinhislifedays。
’OmysonAbsalom,myson,mysonAbsalom!wouldGodIhaddiedforthee,OAbsalom,myson,myson!’Icriedwiththeancientking——I
whosegriefwasgreaterthanhis,forhadInotlostthreesonswithinasmanyyears?
Thenrememberingthatasthiskinghadgonetojoinhissonlongcenturiesago,soImustonedaygotojoinmine,andtakingsuchcomfortfromthethoughtasmaybefoundinit,IroseandcreptbacktotheruinedCityofPines。
ItwasnearsunsetwhenIcamethither,fortheroadwaslongandI
grewweak。
BythepalaceImettheCaptainDiazandsomeofhiscompany,andtheyliftedtheirbonnetstomeasIwentby,fortheyhadrespectformysorrows。
OnlyDiazspoke,saying:
’Isthemurdererdead?’