Shewasnotabletofollowupherobservations,however,ortocometoanyconclusion,forbyoneofthoseaccidentswhichareliabletohappenatsea,thewholecourseoftheirliveswasnowputoutoforder。
Evenatteathefloorrosebeneaththeirfeetandpitchedtoolowagain,andatdinnertheshipseemedtogroanandstrainasthoughalashweredescending。Shewhohadbeenabroad-backeddray-horse,uponwhosehind-quarterspierrotsmightwaltz,becameacoltinafield。Theplatesslantedawayfromtheknives,andMrs。Dalloway’sfaceblanchedforasecondasshehelpedherselfandsawthepotatoesrollthiswayandthat。Willoughby,ofcourse,extolledthevirtuesofhisship,andquotedwhathadbeensaidofherbyexpertsanddistinguishedpassengers,forhelovedhisownpossessions。Still,dinnerwasuneasy,anddirectlytheladieswerealoneClarissaownedthatshewouldbebetteroffinbed,andwent,smilingbravely。
Nextmorningthestormwasonthem,andnopolitenesscouldignoreit。
Mrs。Dallowaystayedinherroom。Richardfacedthreemeals,eatingvaliantlyateach;butatthethird,certainglazedasparagusswimminginoilfinallyconqueredhim。
“Thatbeatsme,“hesaid,andwithdrew。
“Nowwearealoneoncemore,“remarkedWilliamPepper,lookingroundthetable;butnoonewasreadytoengagehimintalk,andthemealendedinsilence。
Onthefollowingdaytheymet——butasflyingleavesmeetintheair。
Sicktheywerenot;butthewindpropelledthemhastilyintorooms,violentlydownstairs。Theypassedeachothergaspingondeck;theyshoutedacrosstables。Theyworefurcoats;andHelenwasneverseenwithoutabandannaonherhead。Forcomforttheyretreatedtotheircabins,wherewithtightlywedgedfeettheylettheshipbounceandtumble。
Theirsensationswerethesensationsofpotatoesinasackonagallopinghorse。Theworldoutsidewasmerelyaviolentgreytumult。
Fortwodaystheyhadaperfectrestfromtheiroldemotions。
Rachelhadjustenoughconsciousnesstosupposeherselfadonkeyonthesummitofamoorinahail-storm,withitscoatblownintofurrows;
thenshebecameawizenedtree,perpetuallydrivenbackbythesaltAtlanticgale。
Helen,ontheotherhand,staggeredtoMrs。Dalloway’sdoor,knocked,couldnotbeheardfortheslammingofdoorsandthebatteringofwind,andentered。
Therewerebasins,ofcourse。Mrs。Dallowaylayhalf-raisedonapillow,anddidnotopenhereyes。Thenshemurmured,“Oh,Dick,isthatyou?“
Helenshouted——forshewasthrownagainstthewashstand——“Howareyou?“
Clarissaopenedoneeye。Itgaveheranincrediblydissipatedappearance。
“Awful!“shegasped。Herlipswerewhiteinside。
Plantingherfeetwide,Helencontrivedtopourchampagneintoatumblerwithatooth-brushinit。
“Champagne,“shesaid。
“There’satooth-brushinit,“murmuredClarissa,andsmiled;
itmighthavebeenthecontortionofoneweeping。Shedrank。
“Disgusting,“shewhispered,indicatingthebasins。Relicsofhumourstillplayedoverherfacelikemoonshine。
“Wantmore?“Helenshouted。SpeechwasagainbeyondClarissa’sreach。
Thewindlaidtheshipshiveringonherside。PaleagoniescrossedMrs。Dallowayinwaves。Whenthecurtainsflapped,greylightspuffedacrossher。Betweenthespasmsofthestorm,Helenmadethecurtainfast,shookthepillows,stretchedthebed-clothes,andsmoothedthehotnostrilsandforeheadwithcoldscent。
“You_are_good!“Clarissagasped。“Horridmess!“
Shewastryingtoapologiseforwhiteunderclothesfallenandscatteredonthefloor。Foronesecondsheopenedasingleeye,andsawthattheroomwastidy。
“That’snice,“shegasped。
Helenlefther;far,farawaysheknewthatshefeltakindoflikingforMrs。Dalloway。Shecouldnothelprespectingherspiritandherdesire,eveninthethroesofsickness,foratidybedroom。
Herpetticoats,however,roseaboveherknees。
Quitesuddenlythestormrelaxeditsgrasp。Ithappenedattea;
theexpectedparoxysmoftheblastgaveoutjustasitreacheditsclimaxanddwindledaway,andtheshipinsteadoftakingtheusualplungewentsteadily。Themonotonousorderofplungingandrising,roaringandrelaxing,wasinterferedwith,andeveryoneattablelookedupandfeltsomethingloosenwithinthem。
Thestrainwasslackenedandhumanfeelingsbegantopeepagain,astheydowhendaylightshowsattheendofatunnel。
“Tryaturnwithme,“RidleycalledacrosstoRachel。“
“Foolish!“criedHelen,buttheywentstumblinguptheladder。
Chokedbythewindtheirspiritsrosewitharush,forontheskirtsofallthegreytumultwasamistyspotofgold。Instantlytheworlddroppedintoshape;theywerenolongeratomsflyinginthevoid,butpeopleridingatriumphantshiponthebackofthesea。
Windandspacewerebanished;theworldfloatedlikeanappleinatub,andthemindofman,whichhadbeenunmooredalso,oncemoreattacheditselftotheoldbeliefs。
Havingscrambledtwiceroundtheshipandreceivedmanysoundcuffsfromthewind,theysawasailor’sfacepositivelyshinegolden。
Theylooked,andbeheldacompleteyellowcircleofsun;nextminuteitwastraversedbysailingstandsofcloud,andthencompletelyhidden。
Bybreakfastthenextmorning,however,theskywassweptclean,thewaves,althoughsteep,wereblue,andaftertheirviewofthestrangeunder-world,inhabitedbyphantoms,peoplebegantoliveamongtea-potsandloavesofbreadwithgreaterzestthanever。
RichardandClarissa,however,stillremainedontheborderland。
Shedidnotattempttositup;herhusbandstoodonhisfeet,contemplatedhiswaistcoatandtrousers,shookhishead,andthenlaydownagain。Theinsideofhisbrainwasstillrisingandfallingliketheseaonthestage。Atfouro’clockhewokefromsleepandsawthesunlightmakeavividangleacrosstheredplushcurtainsandthegreytweedtrousers。Theordinaryworldoutsideslidintohismind,andbythetimehewasdressedhewasanEnglishgentlemanagain。
Hestoodbesidehiswife。Shepulledhimdowntoherbythelapelofhiscoat,kissedhim,andheldhimfastforaminute。
“Goandgetabreathofair,Dick,“shesaid。“Youlookquitewashedout……Howniceyousmell!……Andbepolitetothatwoman。
Shewassokindtome。“
ThereuponMrs。Dallowayturnedtothecoolsideofherpillow,terriblyflattenedbutstillinvincible。
RichardfoundHelentalkingtoherbrother-in-law,overtwodishesofyellowcakeandsmoothbreadandbutter。
“Youlookveryill!“sheexclaimedonseeinghim。“Comeandhavesometea。“
Heremarkedthatthehandsthatmovedaboutthecupswerebeautiful。
“Ihearyou’vebeenverygoodtomywife,“hesaid。“She’shadanawfultimeofit。Youcameinandfedherwithchampagne。
Wereyouamongthesavedyourself?“
“I?Oh,Ihaven’tbeensickfortwentyyears——sea-sick,Imean。“
“Therearethreestagesofconvalescence,Ialwayssay,“
brokeintheheartyvoiceofWilloughby。“Themilkstage,thebread-and-butterstage,andtheroast-beefstage。Ishouldsayyouwereatthebread-and-butterstage。“Hehandedhimtheplate。
“Now,Ishouldadviseaheartytea,thenabriskwalkondeck;
andbydinner-timeyou’llbeclamouringforbeef,eh?“Hewentofflaughing,excusinghimselfonthescoreofbusiness。
“Whatasplendidfellowheis!“saidRichard。“Alwayskeenonsomething。“
“Yes,“saidHelen,“he’salwaysbeenlikethat。“
“Thisisagreatundertakingofhis,“Richardcontinued。
“It’sabusinessthatwon’tstopwithships,Ishouldsay。
WeshallseehiminParliament,orI’mmuchmistaken。He’sthekindofmanwewantinParliament——themanwhohasdonethings。“
ButHelenwasnotmuchinterestedinherbrother-in-law。
“Iexpectyourhead’saching,isn’tit?“sheasked,pouringafreshcup。
“Well,itis,“saidRichard。“It’shumiliatingtofindwhataslaveoneistoone’sbodyinthisworld。D’youknow,Icanneverworkwithoutakettleonthehob。AsoftenasnotIdon’tdrinktea,butImustfeelthatIcanifIwantto。“
“That’sverybadforyou,“saidHelen。
“Itshortensone’slife;butI’mafraid,Mrs。Ambrose,wepoliticiansmustmakeupourmindstothatattheoutset。We’vegottoburnthecandleatbothends,or——“
“You’vecookedyourgoose!“saidHelenbrightly。
“Wecan’tmakeyoutakeusseriously,Mrs。Ambrose,“heprotested。
“MayIaskhowyou’vespentyourtime?Reading——philosophy?“Hesawtheblackbook。“Metaphysicsandfishing!“heexclaimed。“IfIhadtoliveagainIbelieveIshoulddevotemyselftooneortheother。“
Hebeganturningthepages。
“’Good,then,isindefinable,’“hereadout。“Howjollytothinkthat’sgoingonstill!’SofarasIknowthereisonlyoneethicalwriter,ProfessorHenrySidgwick,whohasclearlyrecognisedandstatedthisfact。’That’sjustthekindofthingweusedtotalkaboutwhenwewereboys。IcanrememberarguinguntilfiveinthemorningwithDuffy——nowSecretaryforIndia——pacingroundandroundthosecloistersuntilwedecideditwastoolatetogotobed,andwewentforarideinstead。Whetherweevercametoanyconclusion——
that’sanothermatter。Still,it’sthearguingthatcounts。
It’sthingslikethatthatstandoutinlife。Nothing’sbeenquitesovividsince。It’sthephilosophers,it’sthescholars,“
hecontinued,“they’rethepeoplewhopassthetorch,whokeepthelightburningbywhichwelive。Beingapoliticiandoesn’tnecessarilyblindonetothat,Mrs。Ambrose。“
“No。Whyshouldit?“saidHelen。“Butcanyourememberifyourwifetakessugar?“
SheliftedthetrayandwentoffwithittoMrs。Dalloway。
Richardtwistedamufflertwiceroundhisthroatandstruggledupondeck。Hisbody,whichhadgrownwhiteandtenderinadarkroom,tingledalloverinthefreshair。Hefelthimselfamanundoubtedlyintheprimeoflife。Prideglowedinhiseyeasheletthewindbuffethimandstoodfirm。Withhisheadslightlyloweredhesheeredroundcorners,strodeuphill,andmettheblast。Therewasacollision。Forasecondhecouldnotseewhatthebodywashehadruninto。“Sorry。““Sorry。“ItwasRachelwhoapologised。
Theybothlaughed,toomuchblownabouttospeak。Shedroveopenthedoorofherroomandsteppedintoitscalm。Inordertospeaktoher,itwasnecessarythatRichardshouldfollow。Theystoodinawhirlpoolofwind;papersbeganflyingroundincircles,thedoorcrashedto,andtheytumbled,laughing,intochairs。
RichardsatuponBach。
“Myword!Whatatempest!“heexclaimed。
“Fine,isn’tit?“saidRachel。Certainlythestruggleandwindhadgivenheradecisionshelacked;redwasinhercheeks,andherhairwasdown。
“Oh,whatfun!“hecried。“WhatamIsittingon?Isthisyourroom?
Howjolly!““There——sitthere,“shecommanded。Cowperslidoncemore。
“Howjollytomeetagain,“saidRichard。“Itseemsanage。
_Cowper’s__Letters>?……Bach?……_Wuthering__Heights_?……Isthiswhereyoumeditateontheworld,andthencomeoutandposepoorpoliticianswithquestions?Intheintervalsofsea-sicknessI’vethoughtalotofourtalk。Iassureyou,youmademethink。“
“Imadeyouthink!Butwhy?“
“Whatsolitaryicebergsweare,MissVinrace!Howlittlewecancommunicate!TherearelotsofthingsIshouldliketotellyouabout——tohearyouropinionof。HaveyoueverreadBurke?“
“Burke?“sherepeated。“WhowasBurke?“
“No?Well,thenIshallmakeapointofsendingyouacopy。
_The__Speech__on__the__French__Revolution_——_The_
_American__Rebellion_?Whichshallitbe,Iwonder?“Henotedsomethinginhispocket-book。“Andthenyoumustwriteandtellmewhatyouthinkofit。Thisreticence——thisisolation——that’swhat’sthematterwithmodernlife!Now,tellmeaboutyourself。
Whatareyourinterestsandoccupations?Ishouldimaginethatyouwereapersonwithverystronginterests。Ofcourseyouare!
GoodGod!WhenIthinkoftheagewelivein,withitsopportunitiesandpossibilities,themassofthingstobedoneandenjoyed——
whyhaven’twetenlivesinsteadofone?Butaboutyourself?“
“Yousee,I’mawoman,“saidRachel。
“Iknow——Iknow,“saidRichard,throwinghisheadback,anddrawinghisfingersacrosshiseyes。
“Howstrangetobeawoman!Ayoungandbeautifulwoman,“
hecontinuedsententiously,“hasthewholeworldatherfeet。
That’strue,MissVinrace。Youhaveaninestimablepower——forgoodorforevil。Whatcouldn’tyoudo——“hebrokeoff。
“What?“askedRachel。
“Youhavebeauty,“hesaid。Theshiplurched。Rachelfellslightlyforward。Richardtookherinhisarmsandkissedher。
Holdinghertight,hekissedherpassionately,sothatshefeltthehardnessofhisbodyandtheroughnessofhischeekprinteduponhers。Shefellbackinherchair,withtremendousbeatsoftheheart,eachofwhichsentblackwavesacrosshereyes。