“Itmakesoneawfullyqueer,don’tyoufind?“hecomplained。
“Thesetreesgetonone’snerves——it’sallsocrazy。
God’sundoubtedlymad。Whatsanepersoncouldhaveconceivedawildernesslikethis,andpeopleditwithapesandalligators?
IshouldgomadifIlivedhere——ravingmad。“
Terenceattemptedtoanswerhim,butMrs。Ambroserepliedinstead。
Shebadehimlookatthewaythingsmassedthemselves——lookattheamazingcolours,lookattheshapesofthetrees。SheseemedtobeprotectingTerencefromtheapproachoftheothers。
“Yes,“saidMr。Flushing。“Andinmyopinion,“hecontinued,“theabsenceofpopulationtowhichHirstobjectsispreciselythesignificanttouch。Youmustadmit,Hirst,thatalittleItaliantownevenwouldvulgarisethewholescene,woulddetractfromthevastness——thesenseofelementalgrandeur。“Heswepthishandstowardstheforest,andpausedforamoment,lookingatthegreatgreenmass,whichwasnowfallingsilent。“Iownitmakesusseemprettysmall——us,notthem。“Henoddedhisheadatasailorwholeantoverthesidespittingintotheriver。“Andthat,Ithink,iswhatmywifefeels,theessentialsuperiorityofthepeasant——“
UndercoverofMr。Flushing’swords,whichcontinuednowgentlyreasoningwithSt。Johnandpersuadinghim,TerencedrewRacheltotheside,pointingostensiblytoagreatgnarledtree-trunkwhichhadfallenandlayhalfinthewater。Hewished,atanyrate,tobenearher,buthefoundthathecouldsaynothing。TheycouldhearMr。Flushingflowingon,nowabouthiswife,nowaboutart,nowaboutthefutureofthecountry,littlemeaninglesswordsfloatinghighinair。AsitwasbecomingcoldhebegantopacethedeckwithHirst。Fragmentsoftheirtalkcameoutdistinctlyastheypassed——art,emotion,truth,reality。
“Isittrue,orisitadream?“Rachelmurmured,whentheyhadpassed。
“It’strue,it’strue,“hereplied。
Butthebreezefreshened,andtherewasageneraldesireformovement。
Whenthepartyrearrangedthemselvesundercoverofrugsandcloaks,TerenceandRachelwereatoppositeendsofthecircle,andcouldnotspeaktoeachother。Butasthedarkdescended,thewordsoftheothersseemedtocurlupandvanishastheashesofburntpaper,andleftthemsittingperfectlysilentatthebottomoftheworld。
Occasionalstartsofexquisitejoyranthroughthem,andthentheywerepeacefulagain。
ThankstoMr。Flushing’sdiscipline,therightstagesoftheriverwerereachedattherighthours,andwhennextmorningafterbreakfastthechairswereagaindrawnoutinasemicircleinthebow,thelaunchwaswithinafewmilesofthenativecampwhichwasthelimitofthejourney。Mr。Flushing,ashesatdown,advisedthemtokeeptheireyesfixedontheleftbank,wheretheywouldsoonpassaclearing,andinthatclearing,wasahutwhereMackenzie,thefamousexplorer,haddiedoffeversometenyearsago,almostwithinreachofcivilisation——Mackenzie,herepeated,themanwhowentfartherinlandthananyone’sbeenyet。Theireyesturnedthatwayobediently。TheeyesofRachelsawnothing。
Yellowandgreenshapesdid,itistrue,passbeforethem,butsheonlyknewthatonewaslargeandanothersmall;shedidnotknowthattheyweretrees。Thesedirectionstolookhereandthereirritatedher,asinterruptionsirritateapersonabsorbedinthought,althoughshewasnotthinkingofanything。Shewasannoyedwithallthatwassaid,andwiththeaimlessmovementsofpeople’sbodies,becausetheyseemedtointerferewithherandtopreventherfromspeakingtoTerence。VerysoonHelensawherstaringmoodilyatacoilofrope,andmakingnoefforttolisten。Mr。FlushingandSt。Johnwereengagedinmoreorlesscontinuousconversationaboutthefutureofthecountryfromapoliticalpointofview,andthedegreetowhichithadbeenexplored;theothers,withtheirlegsstretchedout,orchinspoisedonthehands,gazedinsilence。
Mrs。Ambroselookedandlistenedobedientlyenough,butinwardlyshewaspreytoanuneasymoodnotreadilytobeascribedtoanyonecause。LookingonshoreasMr。Flushingbadeher,shethoughtthecountryverybeautiful,butalsosultryandalarming。
Shedidnotliketofeelherselfthevictimofunclassifiedemotions,andcertainlyasthelaunchslippedonandon,inthehotmorningsun,shefeltherselfunreasonablymoved。Whethertheunfamiliarityoftheforestwasthecauseofit,orsomethinglessdefinite,shecouldnotdetermine。HermindleftthesceneandoccupieditselfwithanxietiesforRidley,forherchildren,forfar-offthings,suchasoldageandpovertyanddeath。Hirst,too,wasdepressed。
Hehadbeenlookingforwardtothisexpeditionastoaholiday,for,onceawayfromthehotel,surelywonderfulthingswouldhappen,insteadofwhichnothinghappened,andheretheywereasuncomfortable,asrestrained,asself-consciousasever。That,ofcourse,waswhatcameoflookingforwardtoanything;onewasalwaysdisappointed。
HeblamedWilfridFlushing,whowassowelldressedandsoformal;
heblamedHewetandRachel。Whydidn’ttheytalk?Helookedatthemsittingsilentandself-absorbed,andthesightannoyedhim。
Hesupposedthattheywereengaged,orabouttobecomeengaged,butinsteadofbeingintheleastromanticorexciting,thatwasasdullaseverythingelse;itannoyedhim,too,tothinkthattheywereinlove。
HedrewclosetoHelenandbegantotellherhowuncomfortablehisnighthadbeen,lyingonthedeck,sometimestoohot,sometimestoocold,andthestarssobrightthathecouldn’tgettosleep。Hehadlainawakeallnightthinking,andwhenitwaslightenoughtosee,hehadwrittentwentylinesofhispoemonGod,andtheawfulthingwasthathe’dpracticallyprovedthefactthatGoddidnotexist。
Hedidnotseethathewasteasingher,andhewentontowonderwhatwouldhappenifGoddidexist——“anoldgentlemaninabeardandalongbluedressinggown,extremelytestyanddisagreeableashe’sboundtobe?Canyousuggestarhyme?God,rod,sod——allused;
anyothers?“
Althoughhespokemuchasusual,Helencouldhaveseen,hadshelooked,thathewasalsoimpatientanddisturbed。Butshewasnotcalledupontoanswer,forMr。Flushingnowexclaimed“There!“Theylookedatthehutonthebank,adesolateplacewithalargerentintheroof,andthegroundroundityellow,scarredwithfiresandscatteredwithrustyopentins。
“Didtheyfindhisdeadbodythere?“Mrs。Flushingexclaimed,leaningforwardinhereagernesstoseethespotwheretheexplorerhaddied。
“Theyfoundhisbodyandhisskinsandanotebook,“herhusbandreplied。
Buttheboathadsooncarriedthemonandlefttheplacebehind。
Itwassohotthattheyscarcelymoved,exceptnowtochangeafoot,or,again,tostrikeamatch。Theireyes,concentrateduponthebank,werefullofthesamegreenreflections,andtheirlipswereslightlypressedtogetherasthoughthesightstheywerepassinggaverisetothoughts,savethatHirst’slipsmovedintermittentlyashalfconsciouslyhesoughtrhymesforGod。Whateverthethoughtsoftheothers,noonesaidanythingforaconsiderablespace。
Theyhadgrownsoaccustomedtothewalloftreesoneithersidethattheylookedupwithastartwhenthelightsuddenlywidenedoutandthetreescametoanend。
“ItalmostremindsoneofanEnglishpark,“saidMr。Flushing。
Indeednochangecouldhavebeengreater。Onbothbanksoftheriverlayanopenlawn-likespace,grasscoveredandplanted,forthegentlenessandorderoftheplacesuggestedhumancare,withgracefultreesonthetopoflittlemounds。Asfarastheycouldgaze,thislawnroseandsankwiththeundulatingmotionofanoldEnglishpark。
Thechangeofscenenaturallysuggestedachangeofposition,gratefultomostofthem。Theyroseandleantovertherail。
“ItmightbeArundelorWindsor,“Mr。Flushingcontinued,“ifyoucutdownthatbushwiththeyellowflowers;and,byJove,look!“
Rowsofbrownbackspausedforamomentandthenleaptwithamotionasiftheywerespringingoverwavesoutofsight。
foramomentnooneofthemcouldbelievethattheyhadreallyseenliveanimalsintheopen——aherdofwilddeer,andthesightarousedachildlikeexcitementinthem,dissipatingtheirgloom。
“I’veneverinmylifeseenanythingbiggerthanahare!“
Hirstexclaimedwithgenuineexcitement。“WhatanassIwasnottobringmyKodak!“
Soonafterwardsthelaunchcamegraduallytoastandstill,andthecaptainexplainedtoMr。Flushingthatitwouldbepleasantforthepassengersiftheynowwentforastrollonshore;iftheychosetoreturnwithinanhour,hewouldtakethemontothevillage;
iftheychosetowalk——itwasonlyamileortwofartheron——
hewouldmeetthematthelanding-place。
Thematterbeingsettled,theywereoncemoreputonshore:
thesailors,producingraisinsandtobacco,leantupontherailandwatchedthesixEnglish,whosecoatsanddresseslookedsostrangeuponthegreen,wanderoff。Ajokethatwasbynomeanspropersetthemalllaughing,andthentheyturnedroundandlayattheireaseuponthedeck。
Directlytheylanded,TerenceandRacheldrewtogetherslightlyinadvanceoftheothers。
“ThankGod!“Terenceexclaimed,drawingalongbreath。“Atlastwe’realone。“
“Andifwekeepaheadwecantalk,“saidRachel。
Nevertheless,althoughtheirpositionsomeyardsinadvanceoftheothersmadeitpossibleforthemtosayanythingtheychose,theywerebothsilent。
“Youloveme?“Terenceaskedatlength,breakingthesilencepainfully。
Tospeakortobesilentwasequallyaneffort,forwhentheyweresilenttheywerekeenlyconsciousofeachother’spresence,andyetwordswereeithertootrivialortoolarge。
Shemurmuredinarticulately,ending,“Andyou?“
“Yes,yes,“hereplied;butthereweresomanythingstobesaid,andnowthattheywerealoneitseemednecessarytobringthemselvesstillmorenear,andtosurmountabarrierwhichhadgrownupsincetheyhadlastspoken。Itwasdifficult,frighteningeven,oddlyembarrassing。Atonemomenthewasclear-sighted,and,atthenext,confused。
“NowI’mgoingtobeginatthebeginning,“hesaidresolutely。
“I’mgoingtotellyouwhatIoughttohavetoldyoubefore。
Inthefirstplace,I’veneverbeeninlovewithotherwomen,butI’vehadotherwomen。ThenI’vegreatfaults。I’mverylazy,I’mmoody——“Hepersisted,inspiteofherexclamation,“You’vegottoknowtheworstofme。I’mlustful。I’movercomebyasenseoffutility——incompetence。Ioughtnevertohaveaskedyoutomarryme,Iexpect。I’mabitofasnob;I’mambitious——“
“Oh,ourfaults!“shecried。“Whatdotheymatter?“Thenshedemanded,“AmIinlove——isthisbeinginlove——arewetomarryeachother?“
Overcomebythecharmofhervoiceandherpresence,heexclaimed,“Oh,you’refree,Rachel。Toyou,timewillmakenodifference,ormarriageor——“
Thevoicesoftheothersbehindthemkeptfloating,nowfarther,nownearer,andMrs。Flushing’slaughroseclearlybyitself。
“Marriage?“Rachelrepeated。
Theshoutswererenewedbehind,warningthemthattheywerebearingtoofartotheleft。Improvingtheircourse,hecontinued,“Yes,marriage。“Thefeelingthattheycouldnotbeuniteduntilsheknewallabouthimmadehimagainendeavourtoexplain。
“Allthat’sbeenbadinme,thethingsI’veputupwith——
thesecondbest——“
Shemurmured,consideredherownlife,butcouldnotdescribehowitlookedtohernow。