Micesqueakedunderthefloor,andonthefurthersideoftheOkaanowlscreeched,whileamidthepitch-blackheavensIcouldseeanumberofblotchesintermittentlylighteningtoanelusiveredandblurringthefaintglitterofthestars。
“Itwasoneo’clockinthemorningwhenmyfatherdied,“Gubincontinued。“Anduponmyself,whowasseventeenandhadjustfinishedmycourseatthemunicipalschoolofRiazan,theredevolved,naturallyenough,alltheenmitythatmyfatherhadincurredduringhislifetime。’Heisjustlikehissire,’folksaid。Also,Iwasalone,absolutelyalone,intheworld,sincemymotherhadlostherreasontwoyearsbeforemyfather’sdeath,andpassedawayinafrenzy。However,Ihadanuncle,aretiredunter-officierwhowasbothasluggard,atippler,andaheroaherobecausehehadhadhiseyesshotoutatPlevna,andhisleftarminjuredinamannerwhichhadinducedparalysis,andhisbreastadornedwiththemilitarycrossandasetofmedals。Andsometimes,thisuncleofminewouldrallymeonmylearning。Forinstance,’Scholar,’hewouldsay,’whatdoes“tiversia“mean?’’Nosuchwordexists,’wouldbemyreply,andthereuponhewouldseizemebythehair,forhewasratheranawkwardpersontodealwith。Anotherfactorasconcernedmakingmeashamedofmyscholarshipwastheignoranceofthetownspeopleingeneral,andintheendIbecamethecommonbutt,asortof’holyidiot。’“
SogreatlydidtheserecollectionsmoveGubinthatheroseandtransferredhispositiontothedoorofthehut,where,adarkbluragainstthesquareofblue,helitagurglingpipe,andpuffedthereatuntilhislong,conicalnoseglowed。Presentlythesurgingstreamofwordsbeganagain:
“AttwentyImarriedanorphan,andwhenshefellillanddiedchildlessIfoundmyselfaloneoncemore,andwithoutanadviserorafriend。However,stillIcontinuedbothtoliveandtolookaboutme。Andintime,Iperceivedthatlifeisnotlivedwhollyasitshouldbe。“
“Whatinlifeis’notlivedwhollyasitshouldbe’?“
“Everythinginlife。Forlifeismerefolly,merefatuousnonsense。Thetruthisthatourdogsdonotbarkalwaysattherightmoment。Forinstance,whenIsaidtofolk,’Howwoulditbeifweweretoopenatechnicalschoolforgirls?’Theymerelylaughedandreplied,’Tradeworkersarehopelessdrunkards。Alreadyhaveweenoughofthem。Besides,hithertowomenhavecontrivedtogetonWITHOUTeducation。’AndwhennextIconceivedaschemeforinstitutingamatchfactory,itbefellthatthefactorywasburntdownduringitsfirstyearofexistence,andIfoundmyselfoncemoreatalooseend。Nextacertainwomangotholdofme,andIflittedaboutherlikeamartinaroundabelfry,andsolostmyheadastolivelifeasthoughIwerenotonearthatall——forthreeyearsIdidnotknowevenwhatIwasdoing,andonlywhenIrecoveredmysensesdidI
perceivemyselftobeapauper,andmyall,everysinglethingthatIhadpossessed,tohavepassedintoHERwhitehands。Yes,attwenty-eightIfoundmyselfabeggar。YetIhaveneverwhollyregrettedthefact,forcertainlyforatimeIlivedlifeasfewmeneverliveit。’Takemyall——takeit!’Iusedtosaytoher。
And,trulyenough,Ishouldneverhavedonemuchgoodwithmyfather’sfortune,whereasshe——well,soitbefell。SomehowI
thinkthatinthosedaysmyopinionsmusthavebeendifferentfromnow——nowthatIhavelosteverything……Yetthewomanusedtosay,’YouhaveNOTlosteverything,’andshehadwitenoughtofitoutawholetownfulofpeople。“
“Thiswoman——whowasshe?“
“Thewifeofamerchant。Wheneversheunrobedandsaid,’Come!
Whatisthisbodyofmineworth?’Iusedtomakereply,’Apricethatisbeyondcompute。’……SowithinthreeyearseverythingthatIpossessedvanishedlikesmoke。Sometimes,ofcourse,folklaughedatandjibedatme;nordidIeverrefutethem。ButnowthatIhavecometohaveabetterunderstandingoflife’saffairs,Iseethatlifeisnotwhollylivedasitshouldbe。Forthatmatter,too,Idonotholdmytongueonthesubject,forthatisnotmyway——stilllefttomeIhaveatongueandmysoul。
Thesamereasonaccountsforthefactthatnoonelikesme,andthatbyeveryoneIamlookeduponasafool。“
“How,inyouropinion,oughtlifetobelived?“
Withoutansweringmeatonce,Gubinsuckedathispipeuntilhisnosemadeaglowingredblurinthedarkness。Thenhemutteredslowly:
“Howlifeoughttobelivednoonecouldsayexactly。AndthisthoughIhavegivenmuchthoughttothesubject,andstillamdoingso。“
Ifounditnodifficultmattertoformamentalpictureofthedesolateexistencewhichthismanmustbeleading——thismanwhomallhisfellowsbothderidedandshunned。ForatthattimeItoowasbiddingfairtofailinlife,andhadmyheartinthegripofceaselessdespondency。
ThetruthisthatoffutilepeopleRussiaisover-full。ManysuchImyselfhaveknown,andalwaystheyhaveattractedmeasstronglyandmysteriouslyasamagnet。Alwaystheyhavestruckmemorefavourablythantheprovincial-mindedmajoritywholiveforfoodandworkalone,andputawayfromthemallthatcouldconceivablyrendertheirbread-winningdifficult,orpreventthemfromsnatchingbreadoutofthehandsoftheirweakerneighbours。Formostsuchfolkaregloomyandself-contained,withheartsthathaveturnedtowood,andanoutlookthateverrevertstothepast;unless,indeed,theybefolkofspuriousgoodnature,anadditiontotalkativeness,andanapparentbonhomiewhichveilsafrigid,greyinterior,andconveysanimpressionofcrueltyandgreedofallthatlifecontains。
Always,intheend,Ihavedetectedinsuchfolksomethingwintry,somethingthatmakesthemseem,asitwere,tobespendingspringandsummerinexpectationsolelyofthewinterseason,withitslongnights,anditscoldofanausteritywhichforcesoneforevertobeconsumingfood。
Yetseldomamongthisdistastefulandwearisomecrowdofwintryfolkistheretobeencounteredamanwhohasaltogetherprovedafailure。Butifhehasdoneso,hewillbefoundtobeamanwhosenatureisofamorethoughtful,amoretrulyexistent,amoreclear-sightedcastthanthatofhisfellows——amanwhoatleastcanlookbeyondtheboundariesofthetriteandcommonplace,andwhosementalityhasagreatercapacityforattainingspiritualfulfilment,andismoredesirousofdoingso,thanthementalityofhiscompeers。Thatistosay,insuchamanonecanalwaysdetectastrivingforspace,asamanwho,lovinglight,carrieslightinhimself。
Unfortunately,alltoooftenisthatlightonlythefugitivephosphorescenceofputrefaction;whereforeasonecontemplateshimonesoonbeginstorealisewithbitternessandvexationanddisappointmentthatheisbutasluggard,butabraggart,butonewhoispettyandweakandblindedwithconceitanddistortedwithenvy,butonebetweenwhosewordandwhosedeedtheregapesadisparityevenwideranddeeperthanthedisparitywhichdividesthewordfromthedeedofthemanofwinter,ofthemanwho,thoughhebeastardyasasnail,atleastismakingsomewayintheworld,incontradistinctionfromthefailurewhorevolveseverinasinglespot,likesomebarrenoldmaidbeforethereflectioninherlooking-glass。
Hence,asIlistenedtoGubin,thererecurredtomemorethanoneinstanceofhistype。
“Yes,Ihavesucceededinobservinglifethroughout,“hemuttereddrowsilyashisheadsankslowlyuponhisbreast。
Andsleepovertookmyselfwithsimilarsuddenness。Apparentlythatslumberwasofafewminutes’durationonly,yetwhatarousedmewasGubinpullingatmyleg。
“Getupnow,“hesaid。“Itistimethatwewereoff。“
Andashisbluish-greyeyespeeredintomyface,somehowI
derivedfromtheirmournfulexpressionasenseofintellectuality。Beneaththehaironhishollowcheekswerereddishveins,whilesimilarveins,bluishintint,coveredwithanetworkhistemples,andhisbarearmshadtheappearanceofbeingmadeoftannedleather。
Dawnhadnotyetbrokenwhenweroseandproceededthroughtheslumberingstreetsbeneathaskythatwasofadullyellow,andamidanatmospherethatwasfullofthesmellofburning。
“Fivedaysnowhastheforestbeenonfire,“observedGubin。
“Yetthefoolscannotsucceedinputtingitout。“
PresentlytheestablishmentofthemerchantsBirkinlaybeforeus,anestablishmentofcuriousaspect,sinceitconstituted,rather,aconglomerationofappendagestoamainbuildingofgroundfloorandattics,withfourwindowsfacingontothestreet,andaseriesofunderproppingannexes。Thatseriesextendedtothewing,andwassolidandpermanent,andbadefairtooverflowintothecourtyard,andthroughtheentrance-gates,andacrossthestreet,andtotheverykitchen-gardenandflower-gardenthemselves。Also,itseemedtohavebeenstolenpiecemealfromsomewhere,andatdifferentperiods,andfromdifferentlocalities,andtackedathaphazardontothewallsoftheparenterection。Moreover,allthewindowsofthelatterweresmall,andintheirgreenpanes,astheyconfrontedtheworld,therewasatimidandsuspiciousair,while,inparticular,thethreewindowswhichfaceduponthecourtyardhadironbarstothem。Lastly,therewereposted,sentinel-likeontheentrance-steps,twowater-buttsasaprecautionagainstfire。
“Whatthinkyouoftheplace?“Gubinmutteredashepeeredintothewell。“Isn’titabarbaroushole?Therightthingwouldbetopullitdownwholesale,andthenrebuilditonlargerandlessrestrictedlines。Yetthesefoolsmerelygotackingnewadditionsontotheold。“
Forawhilehislipsmovedasinanincantation。Thenhefrowned,glancedshrewdlyatthestructuresinquestion,andcontinuedsoftly:
“ImaysayinpassingthattheplaceisMINE。“
“YOURS?“
“Yes,mine。Atallevents,soitusedtobe。“
Andhepulledagrimaceasthoughhehadgotthetoothachebeforeaddingwithanairofcommand:
“Come!Iwillpumpoutthewater,andYOUshallcarryittotheentrance-stepsandfillthewater-butts。Hereisapail,andherealadder。“
Whereafter,withaconsiderabledisplayofstrength,hesetabouthisportionofthetask,whilstImyselftookpailinhandandadvancedtowardsthestepstofindthatthewater-buttsweresorottenthat,insteadofretainingthewater,theyletitleakoutintothecourtyard。Gubinsaidwithanoath: