AndIdon’tknowthatIhavemuchtoreport。ImayhavetoleaveforMalieassoonasthesemailpacketsaremadeup。
　　’TisanecessityifitbeoneIratherdeplore。IthinkI
　　shouldhavelikedtolazy；butIdaresayallitmeansisthedelayofadayorsoinharkingbacktoDavidBalfour；thatrespectableyouthchidesatbeingleftwhereheisnowinGlasgowwiththeLordAdvocate，andafterfiveyearsintheBritishLinen，whoshallblamehim？IwasallforenoonyesterdaydowninApia，’dictating，andLloydtype-writing，theconclusionofSAMOA；andthenathomecorrectingtillthedinnerbell；andintheeveningagaintillelevenoftheclock。ThismorningIhavemadeupmostofmypackets，andI
　　thinkmymailisallreadybuttwomore，andthetagofthis。
　　IwouldneverdenyasD。BmightsaythatIwasrathertiredofit。ButIhaveadamnedgooddoseofthedevilinmypipe-stematomy；IhavehadmylittleholidayoutinginmykickatTHEYOUNGCHEVALIER，andIguessIcansettletoDAVIDBALFOURto-morroworFridaylikealittleman。I
　　wonderifanyonehadevermoreenergyuponsolittlestrength？-Iknowthereisafrost，theSamoabookcanonlyincreasethat-Ican’thelpit，thatbookisnotwrittenformebutforMissManners；butImeantobreakthatfrostinsidetwoyears，andpulloffabigsuccess，andVanitywhispersinmyearthatIhavethestrength。IfIhaven’t，whistleowerthelaveo’t！IcandowithoutgloryandperhapsthetimeisnotfaroffwhenIcandowithoutcorn。
　　Itisatimecomingsoonenough，anyway；andIhaveenduredsometwoandfortyyearswithoutpublicshame，andhadagoodtimeasIdidit。IfonlyIcouldsecureaviolentdeath，whatafinesuccess！Iwishtodieinmyboots；nomoreLandofCounterpaneforme。Tobedrowned，tobeshot，tobethrownfromahorse-ay，tobehanged，ratherthanpassagainthroughthatslowdissolution。
　　Ifancythisgloomyrambleiscausedbyatwingeofage；I
　　putonanunder-shirtyesterdayitwastheonlyoneIcouldfindthatbarelycameundermytrousers；andjustbelowit，afinehealthyrheumatismhasnowsettledlikeafireinmyhip。Fromsuchsmallcausesdothesevaluableconsiderationsflow！
　　Ishallnowsayadieu，dearSir，havingtenruggedmilesbeforemeandthehorrorsofanativefeastandparliamentwithoutaninterpreter，forto-dayIgoalone。
　　Yoursever，
　　HOWamItoovertakeevents？OnWednesday，assoonasmymailwasfinished，Ihadawildwhirltolookforwardto。
　　Immediatelyafterdinner，Belle，LloydandI，setoutonhorseback，theytotheclub，ItoHaggard’s，thencetothehotelwhereIhadsupperreadyforthem。AllnextdaywehungroundApiawithourwholehouse-crowdinSundayarray，hopingforthemailsteamerwithamenagerieonboard。Nosuchluck；theshipdelayed；andatlast，aboutthree，Ihadtosendthemhomeagain，afailureofaday’spleasuringthatdoesnotbeartobediscussed。LloydwassosickenedthathereturnedthesamenighttoVailima，BelleandIheldon，satmostoftheeveningonthehotelverandahstrickensillywithfatigueanddisappointment，andgenuinesorrowforourpoorboysandgirls，andgottobedwithratherdismalappreciationsofthemorrow。
　　Theseweremorethanjustified，andyetIneverhadajollierdaythanFriday27th。By7。30BelleandIhadbreakfast；wehadscarcedonebeforemymotherwasatthedooronhorseback，andaboyatherheelstotakehernotverydashingchargerhomeagain。By8。10wewereallonthelandingpier，anditwas9。20beforewehadgotawayinaboatwithtwoinchesofgreenwoodonthekeelofher，norudder，nomast，nosail，noboatflag，twodefectiverowlocks，twowretchedapologiesforoars，andtwoboys-oneaTonganhalf-caste，oneawhitelad，sonoftheTongaschoolmaster，andasailorlad-topullus。AllthiswasourfirsttasteofthetendermerciesofTaylorthesesquipidalianhalf-casteintroducedtwolettersback，I
　　believe。WehadscarcegotroundMulinuuwhenSaleTaylor’sheartmisgavehim；hethoughtwehadmissedthetide；calledahalt，andsetoffashoretofindcanoes。Twowerefound；
　　inonemymotherandIwereembarkedwiththetwobiscuittinsmypresenttothefeast，andthebagwithourdryclothes，onwhichmymotherwasperched-andhercapwasonthetopofit-feminineheartspleasesympathise；allundertheguidanceofSale。IntheotherBelleandourguest；
　　Tauilo，achief-woman，themotherofmycook，weretohavefollowed。Andtheboysweretohavebeenleftwiththeboat。
　　ButTauilorefused。Andthefour，Belle，Tauilo，Frankthesailor-boy，andJimmietheTonganhalf-caste，setoffintheboatacrossthatrapidlyshoalingbayofthelagoon。
　　Howlongthenextscenelasted，Icouldnevertell。Salewasalwaystryingtostealawaywithourcanoeandleavetheotherfour，probablyforsixhours，inanempty，leakyboat，withoutsomuchasanorangeoracocoanutonboard，andunderthedirectraysofthesun。Ihadatlasttostophimbytakingthesparepaddleofftheout-riggerandstickingitintheground-depth，perhapstwofeet-widthofthebay，saythreemiles。AtlastIbidhimlandmeandmymotherandgobackfortheotherladies。’Thecoastissorugged，’saidSale-’What？’Isaid，’allthesevillagesandnolandingplace？’-’SuchisthenatureofSamoans，’saidhe。Well，I’llfindalanding-place，Ithought；andpresentlyIsaid，’Nowwearegoingtolandthere。’-’Wecanbuttry，’saidtheblandSale，withresignation。Neversawabetterlanding-placeinmylife。Heretheboatjoinedus。MymotherandSalecontinuedinthecanoealone，andBelleandI
　　andTauilosetoffonfootforMalie。Tauilowasaboutthesizeofbothofusputtogetherandapieceover；sheuseduslikeamousewithchildren。Ihadstartedbarefoot；Bellehadsoontopulloffhergalashoesandstockings；themudwasasdeepastoourknees，andsoslipperythatmoving，aswedid，inIndianfile，betweendensescratchingtuftsofsensitiveBelleandIhadtotakehandstosupporteachother，andTauilowassteadyingBellefromtherear。Youcanconceiveweweregotuptokill，Belleinanembroideredwhitedressandwhitehat，IinasuitofBedfordcordshotfromtheSydneytailors；andconceiveus，below，ink-blacktothekneeswithadhesiveclay，andabove，streamingwithheat。
　　Isupposeitwasbetterthanthreemiles，butatlastwemadetheendofMalie。Iaskedifwecouldfindnowatertowashourfeet；andournursemaidguidedustoapool。Wesatdownonthepoolside，andournursemaidwashedourfeetandlegsforus-ladiesfirst，IsupposeoutofasuddenrespecttotheinsaneEuropeanfancies:suchaluxuryasyoucanscarceimagine。Ifeltanewmanafterit。ButbeforewegottotheKing’shouseweweresadlymuddiedoncemore。Itwas1
　　P。M。whenwearrived，thecanoehavingbeatenusbyaboutfiveminutes，sowemadefairtimeoverourbog-holes。
　　Butthewardanceswereover，andwecameintimetoseeonlythetailendsometwohoursofthefoodpresentation。InMataafa’shousethreechairsweresetforuscoveredwithfinemats。Ofcourse，anativehousewithouttheblindsdownislikeaverandah。Allthegreeninfrontwassurroundedwithsheds，someofflappingcanvas，someofgreenpalmboughs，whereinthreesidesofahugeoblongthenativessatbyvillagesinafineglowofmany-huedarray。Therewerefolksintapa，andfolksinpatchwork；therewaseverycolouroftherainbowinaspotoracluster；thereweremenwiththeirheadsgildedwithpowderedsandal-wood，otherswithheadsallpurple，stuckfullofthepetalsofaflower。
　　Inthemidsttherewasagrowingfieldofoutspreadfood，graduallycoveringacres；thegiftswerebroughtin，nowbychantingdeputations，nowbycarriersinafile；theywerebrandishedaloftanddeclaimedover，withpolitesacramentalexaggerations，bytheofficialreceiver。He，astalwart，well-oiledquadragenarian，shonewithsweatfromhisexertions，brandishingcookedpigs。Atintervals，fromoneofthesquattedvillages，anoratorwouldarise。Thefieldwasalmostbeyondthereachofanyhumanspeakingvoice；theproceedingsbesidescontinuedinthemidst；yetitwaspossibletocatchsnatchesofthiselaborateandcut-and-dryoratory-itwaspossibleforme，forinstance，tocatchthedescriptionofmygiftandmyselfastheALIITUSITALA，OLE
　　ALIIOMALOTETELE-thechiefWhiteInformation，thechiefofthegreatGovernments。Gaydesignation？Inthehouse，inourthreecurulechairs，wesatandlookedon。Onourleftalittlegroupofthefamily。Infrontofus，atourfeet，anancientTalking-man，crownedwithgreenleaves，hisprofilealmostexactlyDante’s；Popohisname。Hehadworshippedidolsinhisyouth；hehadbeenfullgrownbeforethefirstmissionarycamehitherfromTahiti；thismakeshimovereighty。Nearbyhimsathissonandcolleague。Inthegrouponourleft，hislittlegrandchildsatwithherlegscrossedandherhandsturned，themodelalreadyatsomethreeyearsoldofSamoanetiquette。Stillfurtherofftoourright，Mataafasatonthegroundthroughallthebusiness；andstillIsawhislipsmoving，andthebeadsofhisrosaryslipstealthilythroughhishand。Wehadkava，andtheKing’sdrinkingwashailedbythePoposfatherandsonwithasingularululation，perfectlynewtomyears；itmeans，totheexpert，’LongliveTuiatua’；totheinexpert，isamerevoiceofbarbarouswolves。Wehaddinner，retiredabitbehindthecentralpillarofthehouse；and，whentheKingwasdoneeating，theululationwasrepeated。IhadmyeyesonMataafa’sface，andIsawprideandgratifiedambitionspringtolifethereandbeinstantlysuckedinagain。Itwasthefirsttime，sincethedifferencewithLaupepa，thatPopoandhissonhadopenlyjoinedhim，andgivenhimtheduecryasTuiatua-oneoftheeightroyalnamesoftheislands，asIhopeyouwillknowbeforethisreachesyou。
　　Notlongafterwehaddined，thefood-bringingwasover。Thegiftscarefullynotedandtalliedastheycameinwerenowannouncedbyahumorousorator，whoconvulsedtheaudience，introducingsingingnotes，nowonthenameofthearticle，nowonthenumber；sixthousandoddheadsoftaro，threehundredandnineteencookedpigs；andonethingthatparticularlycaughtmebygoodluck，asingleturtle’fortheKing’-LETASIMOLETUPU。ThencameoneofthestrangestsightsIhaveyetwitnessed。ThetwomostimportantpersonstherebarMataafawerePopoandhisson。
　　Theyrose，holdingtheirlongshodrodsoftalkingmen，passedforthfromthehouse，brokeintoastrangedance，thefathercaperingwithoutstretchedarmsandrod，thesoncrouchingandgambollingbesidehiminamannerindescribable，andpresentlybegantoextendthecircleofthisdanceamongtheacresofcookedfood。WHATEVERTHEY
　　LEAPEDOVER，WHATEVERTHEYCALLEDFOR，BECAMETHEIRS。ToseemediaevalDantethusdemeanhimselfstruckakindofachillofincongruityintoourPhilistinesouls；buteveninagreatpartoftheSamoanconcourse，theseantiqueandI
　　understandquitelocalmannersawokelaughter。Oneofmybiscuittinsandalivecalfwereamongthespoilsheclaimed，butthelargemajorityofthecookedfoodhavingonceprovedhisdignityhere-presentedtotheKing。
　　ThencametheturnofLEALIITUSITALA。Hewouldnotdance，buthewasgiven-fivelivehens，fourgourdsofoil，fourfinetapas，ahundredheadsoftaro，twocookedpigs，acookedshark，twoorthreecocoanutbranchesstrungwithkava，andtheturtle，whosoonafterbreathedhislast，I
　　believe，fromsunstroke。Itwasaroyalpresentfor’thechiefofthegreatpowers。’Ishouldsaythegiftswere，onthepropersignal，draggedoutofthefieldoffoodbyatroopofyoungmen，allwiththeirlava-lavaskiltedalmostintoaloin-cloth。Theartistoswooponthefood-field，pickupwithunerringswiftnesstherightthingsandquantities，swoopforthagainontheopen，andseparate，leavingthegiftsinanewpile:soyoumayseeacoveyofbirdsinacorn-field。ThisremindsmeofaveryinhumanebutbeautifulpassageIhadforgotteninitsplace。Thegift-givingwasstillinfullswing，whentherecameatroopofsomeninetymenallintafalava-lavasofapurplishcolour；theypaused，andofasuddentherewentupfromthemhighintotheairaflightoflivechickens，which，astheycamedownagain，weresentagainintotheair，forperhapsaminute，fromthemidstofasingularturmoilofflyingarmsandshoutingvoices；Iassureyou，itwasverybeautifultosee，buthowmanychickenswerekilled？
　　NosoonerwasmyfoodsetoutthanIwastobegoing。IhadalittleserioustalkwithMataafaonthefloor，andwewentdowntotheboat，wherewegotourfoodaboard，suchacargo-liketheSwissFamilyRobinson，wesaid。However，asquallbegan，Tauilorefusedtoletusgo，andwecamebacktothehouseforhalf-an-hourorso，whenmyladiesdistinguishedthemselvesbywalkingthroughaFonocouncil，mymotheractuallytakingupapositionbetweenMataafaandPopo！Itwasaboutfivewhenwestarted-turtle，pigs，taro，etc。，mymother，Belle，myself，Tauilo，aportlyfriendofherswiththevoiceofanangel，andapronunciationsodelicateandtruethatyoucouldfollowSamoanasshesang，andthetwotiredboysFrankandJimmie，withthetwobadoarsandthetwoslipperyrowlockstoimpelthewhole。SaleTaylortookthecanoeandastrongSamoantopaddlehim。Presentlyafterhewentinshore，andpassedusalittleafter，withhisarmsfolded，andTWOstrongSamoansimpellinghimApia-ward。ThiswastoomuchforBelle，whohailed，tauntedhim，andmadehimreturntotheboatwithoneoftheSamoans，settingJimmieinsteadinthecanoe。Thenbeganourtorment，SaleandtheSamoantooktheoars，satonthesamethwartwheretheycouldgetnoswingontheboathadtheytried，anddeliberatelyladledatthelagoon。Welayenchanted。Nightfell；therewasalightvisibleonshore；itdidnotmove。