“Youthinkso?“shesaid,drawingnearer,andshesighed。“Oh,Rodolphe!ifyoubutknew!Ilovedyouso!“
Itwasthenthatshetookhishand,andtheyremainedsometime,theirfingersintertwined,likethatfirstdayattheShow。Withagestureofpridehestruggledagainstthisemotion。Butsinkinguponhisbreastshesaidtohim——
“HowdidyouthinkIcouldlivewithoutyou?Onecannotlosethehabitofhappiness。Iwasdesolate。IthoughtIshoulddie。I
willtellyouaboutallthatandyouwillsee。Andyou——youfledfromme!“
For,allthethreeyears,hehadcarefullyavoidedherinconsequenceofthatnaturalcowardicethatcharacterisesthestrongersex。Emmawenton,withdaintylittlenods,morecoaxingthananamorouskitten——
“Youloveothers,confessit!Oh,Iunderstandthem,dear!I
excusethem。Youprobablyseducedthemasyouseducedme。Youareindeedaman;youhaveeverythingtomakeoneloveyou。Butwe’llbeginagain,won’twe?Wewillloveoneanother。See!Iamlaughing;Iamhappy!Oh,speak!“
Andshewascharmingtosee,withhereyes,inwhichtrembledatear,liketherainofastorminabluecorolla。
Hehaddrawnheruponhisknees,andwiththebackofhishandwascaressinghersmoothhair,whereinthetwilightwasmirroredlikeagoldenarrowonelastrayofthesun。Shebentdownherbrow;atlasthekissedherontheeyelidsquitegentlywiththetipsofhislips。
“Why,youhavebeencrying!Whatfor?“
Sheburstintotears。Rodolphethoughtthiswasanoutburstofherlove。Asshedidnotspeak,hetookthissilenceforalastremnantofresistance,andthenhecriedout——
“Oh,forgiveme!Youaretheonlyonewhopleasesme。Iwasimbecileandcruel。Iloveyou。Iwillloveyoualways。Whatisit。Tellme!“Hewaskneelingbyher。
“Well,Iamruined,Rodolphe!Youmustlendmethreethousandfrancs。“
“But——but——“saidhe,gettingupslowly,whilehisfaceassumedagraveexpression。
“Youknow,“shewentonquickly,“thatmyhusbandhadplacedhiswholefortuneatanotary’s。Heranaway。Soweborrowed;thepatientsdon’tpayus。Moreover,thesettlingoftheestateisnotyetdone;weshallhavethemoneylateron。Butto-day,forwantofthreethousandfrancs,wearetobesoldup。Itistobeatonce,thisverymoment,and,countinguponyourfriendship,I
havecometoyou。“
“Ah!“thoughtRodolphe,turningverypale,“thatwaswhatshecamefor。“Atlasthesaidwithacalmair——
“Dearmadame,Ihavenotgotthem。“
Hedidnotlie。Ifhehadhadthem,hewould,nodoubt,havegiventhem,althoughitisgenerallydisagreeabletodosuchfinethings:ademandformoneybeing,ofallthewindsthatblowuponlove,thecoldestandmostdestructive。
Firstshelookedathimforsomemoments。
“Youhavenotgotthem!“sherepeatedseveraltimes。“Youhavenotgotthem!Ioughttohavesparedmyselfthislastshame。Youneverlovedme。Youarenobetterthantheothers。“
Shewasbetraying,ruiningherself。
Rodolpheinterruptedher,declaringhewas“hardup“himself。
“Ah!Ipityyou,“saidEmma。“Yes——verymuch。“
Andfixinghereyesuponanembossedcarabine,thatshoneagainstitspanoply,“Butwhenoneissopooronedoesn’thavesilveronthebuttofone’sgun。Onedoesn’tbuyaclockinlaidwithtortoiseshell,“shewenton,pointingtoabuhltimepiece,“norsilver-giltwhistlesforone’swhips,“andshetouchedthem,“norcharmsforone’swatch。Oh,hewantsfornothing!eventoaliqueur-standinhisroom!Foryouloveyourself;youlivewell。
Youhaveachateau,farms,woods;yougohunting;youtraveltoParis。Why,ifitwerebutthat,“shecried,takinguptwostudsfromthemantelpiece,“buttheleastofthesetrifles,onecangetmoneyforthem。Oh,Idonotwantthem,keepthem!“
Andshethrewthetwolinksawayfromher,theirgoldchainbreakingasitstruckagainstthewall。
“ButI!Iwouldhavegivenyoueverything。Iwouldhavesoldall,workedforyouwithmyhands,Iwouldhavebeggedonthehighroadsforasmile,foralook,tohearyousay’Thanks!’Andyousittherequietlyinyourarm-chair,asifyouhadnotmademesufferenoughalready!Butforyou,andyouknowit,Imighthavelivedhappily。Whatmadeyoudoit?Wasitabet?Yetyoulovedme——yousaidso。Andbutamomentsince——Ah!itwouldhavebeenbettertohavedrivenmeaway。Myhandsarehotwithyourkisses,andthereisthespotonthecarpetwhereatmykneesyousworeaneternityoflove!Youmademebelieveyou;fortwoyearsyouheldmeinthemostmagnificent,thesweetestdream!Eh!Ourplansforthejourney,doyouremember?Oh,yourletter!yourletter!ittoremyheart!AndthenwhenIcomebacktohim——tohim,rich,happy,free——toimplorethehelpthefirststrangerwouldgive,asuppliant,andbringingbacktohimallmytenderness,herepulsesmebecauseitwouldcosthimthreethousandfrancs!“
“Ihaven’tgotthem,“repliedRodolphe,withthatperfectcalmwithwhichresignedragecoversitselfaswithashield。
Shewentout。Thewallstrembled,theceilingwascrushingher,andshepassedbackthroughthelongalley,stumblingagainsttheheapsofdeadleavesscatteredbythewind。Atlastshereachedtheha-hahedgeinfrontofthegate;shebrokehernailsagainstthelockinherhastetoopenit。Thenahundredstepsfartheron,breathless,almostfalling,shestopped。Andnowturninground,sheoncemoresawtheimpassivechateau,withthepark,thegardens,thethreecourts,andallthewindowsofthefacade。
Sheremainedlostinstupor,andhavingnomoreconsciousnessofherselfthanthroughthebeatingofherarteries,thatsheseemedtohearburstingforthlikeadeafeningmusicfillingallthefields。Theearthbeneathherfeetwasmoreyieldingthanthesea,andthefurrowsseemedtoherimmensebrownwavesbreakingintofoam。Everythinginherhead,ofmemories,ideas,wentoffatoncelikeathousandpiecesoffireworks。Shesawherfather,Lheureux’scloset,theirroomathome,anotherlandscape。Madnesswascominguponher;shegrewafraid,andmanagedtorecoverherself,inaconfusedway,itistrue,forshedidnotinthe,leastrememberthecauseoftheterribleconditionshewasin,thatistosay,thequestionofmoney。Shesufferedonlyinherlove,andfelthersoulpassingfromherinthismemory;aswoundedmen,dying,feeltheirlifeebbfromtheirbleedingwounds。
Nightwasfalling,crowswereflyingabout。
Suddenlyitseemedtoherthatfierysphereswereexplodingintheairlikefulminatingballswhentheystrike,andwerewhirling,whirling,tomeltatlastuponthesnowbetweenthebranchesofthetrees。InthemidstofeachofthemappearedthefaceofRodolphe。Theymultipliedanddrewnearher,penetrating,her。Italldisappeared;sherecognisedthelightsofthehousesthatshonethroughthefog。
Nowhersituation,likeanabyss,roseupbeforeher。Shewaspantingasifherheartwouldburst。Theninanecstasyofheroism,thatmadeheralmostjoyous,sherandownthehill,crossedthecow-plank,thefoot-path,thealley,themarket,andreachedthechemist’sshop。Shewasabouttoenter,butatthesoundofthebellsomeonemightcome,andslippinginbythegate,holdingherbreath,feelingherwayalongthewalls,shewentasfarasthedoorofthekitchen,whereacandlestuckonthestovewasburning。Justininhisshirt-sleeveswascarryingoutadish。
“Ah!theyaredining;Iwillwait。“
Hereturned;shetappedatthewindow。Hewentout。
“Thekey!theoneforupstairswherehekeepsthe——“
“What?“
Andhelookedather,astonishedatthepallorofherface,thatstoodoutwhiteagainsttheblackbackgroundofthenight。Sheseemedtohimextraordinarilybeautifulandmajesticasaphantom。Withoutunderstandingwhatshewanted,hehadthepresentimentofsomethingterrible。
Butshewentonquicklyinalovevoice;inasweet,meltingvoice,“Iwantit;giveittome。“
Asthepartitionwallwasthin,theycouldheartheclatteroftheforksontheplatesinthedining-room。
Shepretendedthatshewantedtokilltheratsthatkeptherfromsleeping。
“Imusttellmaster。“
“No,stay!“Thenwithanindifferentair,“Oh,it’snotworthwhile;I’lltellhimpresently。Come,lightmeupstairs。“
Sheenteredthecorridorintowhichthelaboratorydooropened。
AgainstthewallwasakeylabelledCapharnaum。
“Justin!“calledthedruggistimpatiently。
“Letusgoup。“
Andhefollowedher。Thekeyturnedinthelock,andshewentstraighttothethirdshelf,sowelldidhermemoryguideher,seizedthebluejar,toreoutthecork,plungedinherhand,andwithdrawingitfullofawhitepowder,shebeganeatingit。
“Stop!“hecried,rushingather。
“Hush!someonewillcome。“
Hewasindespair,wascallingout。