Afewyearsago,the“Hon。“JohnWhimperyBrass,ofGeorgia,oneofthe“thoughtfulpatriots“oftheperiod,whonowandthenfoundtimetolayasidethecaresofstatecrafttonurselittleprivatejobsofhisown,alluredbytheseductiveoffersof“Wogan&Co。“
ofNewYorkCity,wrotetothatsomewhatmythicalconcernproposingtobecometheiragentforthecirculationofthe“queer。“Evenafterreceivingthefirstinstallmentoftheirwares,thehonorablegentlemandidnotcomprehendthatthefirmdealtexclusivelyinsawdust,notincurrency。Hewroteagain,complainingthat,afterajourneyofsixtymilesoveraroughroadtothenearestreliableexpressoffice,hefoundnothingbutaworthlesspackage,marked“C。O。D。,“awaitinghim。DidWogan&Co。distrusteitherhispartsorfidelity?HeventuredtoassertthatnomanintheStatecouldservethemsoeffectually。HehadjustrunforCongress,andthoughbeatenatthepollsby“fraud,“intendedtocontesttheseatwiththechancesofsuccessinhisfavor。Themountaineersamongwhomheliveddidnotcarewhetherthemoneyintheirpocketswasgoodorbadsolongasitcirculated。Hecouldputthousandsofcounterfeitsafloatwithouttheslightestfearofdetection。Hisconstituencybelievedinhimandwouldstandbyhim。Currencywasveryscarceinthatcongressionaldistrict,anditwouldreallybedoinghispeopleagreatfavortogivethemmore。Aftersettingforththemutualbenefitstoaccruefromtrustinghim,heappealedtoWogan&Co。withthevehemenceandenergyofthesewing-machineman,orlife-insuranceagent,tosendonthegoodswithoutfurtherdelay。Theyshouldneverregretdealingwithhim,hischaracterandstandingbeingasufficientguarantythathecouldnotplayfalse。Hewasactingingoodfaith,andexpectedliketreatmentinreturn。
Unfortunatelyforthepoliticalaspirationsof“Hon。“JohnWhimperyBrass,theauthoritiesnotlongaftermadeadescentuponthedenofWogan&Co。,findingagreatmanylettersfromcredulousfools,andalargesupplyofsawdust——theironlystockintrade。Themissivesoftheprospectivecongressmanwerepublished,thusgainingmuchmoreextensivecurrencythanheproposedtogivetotheimitationgreenbacks。Itwassupposedthatthenoisyfellowwouldslinkawaytosomecaveinhisnativemountains,andnevershowhisbrazenfaceamonghonestpeopleagain。Buttheimpudenceof“Hon。“JohnWhimperyBrassrosetotheleveloftheemergency。
Insteadofhidingorhanginghimself,hepublishedacardrepresentingthatheembarkedintheschemeforthepurposeofentrappingWogan&Co。andbringingthemtojustice。
Patheticwasthespectacle,showingtheconfidenceofaningenuoussoulinitsownprowess,ofthevolunteerdetective,diggingparallelsonthesouthernspursoftheBlueRidgeforthecaptureofthewilyswindlerathousandmilesaway!Armedwithakernelofcorn,thedoughtygoslingsetsforthtocatchthewickedfoxthatispreyingontheflock!Iftheboldmountaineers,theconstituencyof“Hon。“JohnWhimperyBrass,cannotcommendthediscretiondisplayedbytheprojectoroftheenterprise,theymustcertainlyadmirehispluck。Infaceoftheodds,fewgoslingswouldvolunteer。
Perhapsthecardmighthavebeenacceptedbythemoretrustfulclassofadherentsasasatisfactoryexplanationoftheletters,hadnottheaspiringstatesmanincourseoftimefallenunderthebanofthelawfordefraudingwidowsoftheirpensions,thecampaignagainstWogan&Co。havingsocompletelyexhaustedthevirtueoftheamateurwhoplanneditastoleavenoresiduetofructifyinsubsequentoperations。
THEFORTUNEOFSETHSAVAGE
Atonetimethebogus-lotterymendroveathriftybusiness,buttheefforts,virtuallyco-operative,ofthepost-officedepartmentandofthelegislaturesoftheolderstates,havelatterlyprettyeffectuallyforcedthemintothewilderness。Themanagersforageonthesameclassofpeopleasthesawdustswindlers,procuringlistsofnamesinthesameway。Acommonmethodofprocedureistoinclosewithadvertisementsannouncingtheprizes,togetherwiththeplaceanddateofdrawing,oneormoreticketsdulynumbered。
Greatconfidenceisexpressedinthepersonalfitnessofthepartyaddressed,whoisrequestedtoactasagentforthesaleofthetickets。Afewweekslateranotherletterissenttotheintendedvictim,informinghimthattheticketofagivennumberforwardedtohimatsuchadatehaddrawnaprize,thevalueofwhichisvariouslystatedfromafewhundredtomanythousanddollars。Heisthenrequestedtosendimmediatelytendollars——moreorless——
fortheticket,perhapstenortwentymoreforadditionalcharges,whenthefullfacevalueoftheprizewillbeforwardedpromptlybyexpress,checkonNewYork,orinanyotherwaytherecipientmaydirect。Heisalsotoldtoantedatetheletter,theintermediarypromisingtoblurthepostmarktocorrespond,sothattheremittancemayappeartohavebeenmadepriortothedrawing。Inconclusionthewriteradroitlysuggeststhathedesiresthefortunatemantoexhibitthemoneytohisneighbors,statinghowheobtainedit,andmentioningparticularlytheaddressoftheagentfromwhomtheticketwaspurchased,theobjectbeingtocreateanexcitementintheplacewithaviewtolargesalesforthenextdrawing。
Evenofatrickastransparentasthisthevictimsarecountedbythousands,exposuresandwarningsbeingalikedisregarded。TheinfatuationofacertainclassofignorantandcredulouspeopleiswellillustratedbythecaseofSethSavage,apoormanpossessedofafewacresinthevicinityofasmallvillageinVermont。Oneday,whenaspecialagentofwideexperiencehappenedtobevisitingthepost-office,Sethreceivedaletter,theperusalofwhichthrewhimintoafrenzyofexcitement。
“Whatisthematter?“inquiredthepostmaster。“Youseemtohavegoodnews。“
“Looka-here,“repliedSeth,holdingforththemissiveinhisshriveledandbonyfingers,“fornighontosixty-fiveyear,Mr。
Martin,I’vefitandwork’dandwork’dandfitjestformyvittlesanddrink。NeowwhenI’mtewoldtew’joyit,afortincomestome。“
“Isthatso?“answeredMr。Martin。“Iamveryglad;buttellme,whatisit?Yourneighborswillallbegladtohearofyourgoodluck。“
“Readthat,“saidSeth,handinghimthelettertriumphantly。
Thepostmasterreadthemanuscript。OneDewittofNewYorkCityassuredMr。Savagethatacertainticketsenttohimamonthbeforehaddrawnaprizeofthreethousanddollars;thatonreceiptofthirty-fivedollarsinaletterantedatedaccordingtodirections,thefullamountwouldbeforwardedtohim。
“Surely,Seth,“expostulatedthepostmaster,“youarenotgoingtobefooledinthisway。Dewittisahumbug,aswindler。“
“Neow,heowdewyeouknowthat?“inquiredSeth。“Hasheeverfool’dyeou?“
“Idon’tdealwiththatsortofpeople,“repliedMr。Martinmildly。
“Idisliketoseeanyonewronged,especiallyaneighbor。Hereisagentlemanwhoknowsallaboutsuchmatters。“AndSethwasformallyintroducedtothespecialagent,whotookpainstoexplainthecharacteroftheswindlefully。
Theofficerleftthevillagewiththepleasantassurancethathisbriefvisithadcontributedatleasttowardtherescueofonepoorobjectfromthejawsofthedevourer。
Afterall,however,Sethwasnotconvinced。Bysellinghisonlycowhemanagedtoswellhisscantystockofcashtotherequisitesum,whichhesenttoDewitt,fullyexpectingtobeableinafewdaystoconfoundthepostmasterbytheactualdisplayofhisnewlygottenwealth。Thedupe,whohadinvestedagoodlyportionofhisscantymeansintheventure,waitedlongifnotpatiently。Atlength,aftertheexpirationofthelasthope,Mr。Martininquired,“Howdidithappen,Seth,thatyouthrewawayyourmoneyonthatlotteryscamp,whenweshowedyouthatthewholethingwasacheat?“
“Wall,neow,arterit’salllost,“repliedSeth,“I’lltellyeoujestheow’twas。Humannatur’isnaturallysuspectin’。Itho’tyeouandthatar’t’otherpostoffisfellahwant’dtogittheprizeforyeourselfs;an’Ididn’tmeantobebeatso。“
AWISHUNEXPECTEDLYGRATIFIED
Whenthebogus-lotterymenweredrivenoutofthelargecitiesbythevigorofthepostalauthorities,theytriedforawhiletooperatefromsmallcountrytownsbycollusionwithdishonestpostmasters。Asthedelinquenciesoftheoffendersweresuccessivelybroughttolight,theirheadsrolledintothebasketatthefootoftheofficialguillotine。Theswindlers,however,succeededinbribingfreshvictims,andforatimecunningandduplicitymanagedwithtolerablesuccesstomaintainafootholdagainstthepowerofthedepartment。
Amongothersimilarswindles,sealedcircularswereatonetimescatteredbroadcastoverthemoreremotestates,announcingthatonagivendatethedrawingforaseriesofmagnificentprizeswouldtakeplaceatLivingstonHall,No。42ElmAvenue,WingtonJunction,Connecticut。Patronswereurgedtoremitthepurchase-moneyforticketspromptly,astherewouldbenopostponementofthegrandeventunderanycircumstances。“Fortune,“continuedtheglitteringadvertisement,“knocksonceateveryone’sdoor,andsheisnowknockingatyours。“
Asusual,multitudesswallowedthebait,butsome,insteadofsendingthegreenbackstoHighfalutin&Co。,forwardedthecircularstothedepartment。ThereuponspecialagentSharrettswasinstructedtovisitWingtonJunction,withtheviewoflearningwhetherthepostmasterwasproperlydischarginghisduties。Takinganearlyopportunitytoperformthemission,healightedatthestationonemorning,andproceededtosurveythetown,whichconsistedoffourorfivehousesscatteredalongthehighwayforadistanceofhalfamile。“LivingstonHall“and“ElmAvenue“werenowherevisible。Itwasapparentthat“No。42“onanyavenuewasaremotecontingencynotlikelytoariseinthepresentgeneration。
Havingpreviouslyascertainedthatthepostmasterwasalsoswitch-
tenderatthejunction,andthatthecaresoftheofficedevolvedonhiswife,theofficerwalkeduptoakeen-lookingmaninfrontofthelittleroundswitch-house,whoseenergiesweredevotedexclusivelyatthatmomenttothemasticationofahugequidoftobacco,andwho,afteraprolongedscrutinyofthestranger,answeredhissalutationinanattenuateddrawl,’“Meornin’,sir。“
“Willyoubekindenoughtotellme,sir,whereMr。Morris,thepostmaster,canbefound?“askedtheagent。
“Wall,Iguessmyname’sMorris。WhatkinIdofuryeou?“
“Mr。Morris,Ishouldlikeafewminutes’privateconversationonbusinessofgreatimportance,whichcanbesomanagedastoturnoutadvantageouslytousboth。Idonotwishtobeoverheardorinterrupted。Inthesetimesevenblankwallshaveears,youknow。“
Thelastsuggestionseemedtoserveasapassporttotheconfidenceofthepostmaster。Leadingthewayintotheswitch-house,heremarked,“Comeinheear。Neow,whatisit?“
“Thefactis,Mr。Morris,somefriendsofmineproposetogointoalittlespeculation,whichwillinvolvealargecorrespondence;andforreasonsthatIneednotspecifytoamanlikeyou,theydonotwishtohaveeveryragtag,bobtailpost-officeclerkporingovertheirletters,andaskingimpertinentquestionsatthedelivery-
window。Iftheycanfindashrewd,squareman,whoknowshowtokeephismouthshut,andwhocan’tbefooled,thatforahandsomeconsiderationwillputthelettersawayinasafeplacetillcalledfor,theyarewillingtomakeanarrangementthatwillbeprofitableallaround。Youhavebeenrecommendedasjusttheperson。Iamtoldthatyougenerallyknowwhichsideyourbreadisbuttered,andhavecalledtoseeifwecan’tarrangetopulltogether。“
“’Nuffsaid,“ejaculatedMorris,withaslywink。“Iknowwhatyeouwant,butmywifeistheonetofixthings。Idon’thavenuthin’todewwiththeletters。Sue’tendstoeverything。Thefolksaswe’sea-workin’forsaidwemustbeplagueykeerfulaboutthedeetecters。I’llbetnunon’emcan’tplayitonmywifetho’。
Iftheydew,they’llhavetogituparlyinthemornin’。“
Withthathethrusthisheadoutofthewindow,andyelled:“Sue,Sue!“
Asthesounddiedaway,atall,raw-bonedfemale,fromwhosecheeksthebloomofyouthhadfadedanumberofyearsbefore,emergedfromthesidedoorofatwo-storycottage,abouteightyrodsdistant,andwalkedbrisklytotheswitch-house,whereshewasintroducedtothestrangeras“mywife。“
Afteralittlepreliminaryskirmishing,sheinvitedtheagenttogoovertothecottage。Havingbeendulyusheredintothe“bestroom,“heembellishedforherbenefitthestoryalreadytoldtothehusband。
“IthinkIkin’commodateyeou,“shebrokeforth,“butyeou’llhavetopayputtywellfor’t。Lawsme,I’mtold——andI’vewayso’
heerin’’boutthesethings——thatthedeetectersarejestaslikelyasnottocomea-swoopin’deownennyminnit。Yeouknow,iftheyfeounditout,we’dbesmash’d。“
Hertermsweretendollarsaweek。Highfalutin&Co。paidsix,butsheunderstoodthebusinessagreatdealbetternowthanwhenshemadethebargainwiththem。Theagentthoughtthepriceratherhigh,butfinallyconsentedtocontractatthatfigure。
Then,asiftroubledbyanafter-thought,hesaid,“Madam,howdoI
knowbutsomeofthese’deetecters’maycomearound,and,seeingmyletters,getmeintodifficulty?“
“Why,lawsa’mercy,“saidshe,“don’tbeskeer’d。Yeoujestleavethattome。Theminnitthemairlettersgitshere,Ihides’eminthatbewro-draw’r,“pointingtoanarticleoffurnitureinthecorner。
“Isitasafeplace?“queriedtheagent。
“Yas,itis,“answeredthewoman。“Gotithalffullneow。Carrythekeyinmypocket。“
Shegaveagrin,intendedforaknowingsmile,inadmirationofherowncleverness。
“Ibelievethehiding-placeistolerablysecure,“repliedtheofficer,withtheairofonewhodesiredtobeconvinced,buthadnotyetreachedthepointoffullassurance。