andthen,creepingslowlyuptheprincipalstaircase,pursuedbytheceaselesscountry-dance,feverishwithhopesandfears,soupandnegus,sore-footedandfatigued,restlessandagitated,yetfeeling,inspiteofeverything,thataballwasindeeddelightful。
Inthussendingheraway,SirThomasperhapsmightnotbethinkingmerelyofherhealth。ItmightoccurtohimthatMr。Crawfordhadbeensittingbyherlongenough,orhemightmeantorecommendherasawifebyshewingherpersuadableness。
Theballwasover,andthebreakfastwassoonovertoo;
thelastkisswasgiven,andWilliamwasgone。
Mr。Crawfordhad,asheforetold,beenverypunctual,andshortandpleasanthadbeenthemeal。
AfterseeingWilliamtothelastmoment,Fannywalkedbacktothebreakfast-roomwithaverysaddenedhearttogrieveoverthemelancholychange;andthereherunclekindlylefthertocryinpeace,conceiving,perhaps,thatthedesertedchairofeachyoungmanmightexercisehertenderenthusiasm,andthattheremainingcoldporkbonesandmustardinWilliam’splatemightbutdivideherfeelingswiththebrokenegg-shellsinMr。Crawford’s。
Shesatandcried_con__amore_asheruncleintended,butitwas_con__amore_fraternalandnoother。
Williamwasgone,andshenowfeltasifshehadwastedhalfhisvisitinidlecaresandselfishsolicitudesunconnectedwithhim。
Fanny’sdispositionwassuchthatshecouldnevereventhinkofherauntNorrisinthemeagrenessandcheerlessnessofherownsmallhouse,withoutreproachingherselfforsomelittlewantofattentiontoherwhentheyhadbeenlasttogether;muchlesscouldherfeelingsacquitherofhavingdoneandsaidandthoughteverythingbyWilliamthatwasduetohimforawholefortnight。
Itwasaheavy,melancholyday。Soonafterthesecondbreakfast,Edmundbadethemgood-byeforaweek,andmountedhishorseforPeterborough,andthenallweregone。
Nothingremainedoflastnightbutremembrances,whichshehadnobodytosharein。ShetalkedtoherauntBertram——
shemusttalktosomebodyoftheball;butheraunthadseensolittleofwhathadpassed,andhadsolittlecuriosity,thatitwasheavywork。LadyBertramwasnotcertainofanybody’sdressoranybody’splaceatsupperbutherown。
“ShecouldnotrecollectwhatitwasthatshehadheardaboutoneoftheMissMaddoxes,orwhatitwasthatLadyPrescotthadnoticedinFanny:shewasnotsurewhetherColonelHarrisonhadbeentalkingofMr。CrawfordorofWilliamwhenhesaidhewasthefinestyoungmanintheroom——
somebodyhadwhisperedsomethingtoher;shehadforgottoaskSirThomaswhatitcouldbe。“Andthesewereherlongestspeechesandclearestcommunications:therestwasonlyalanguid“Yes,yes;verywell;didyou?didhe?
Ididnotsee_that_;Ishouldnotknowonefromtheother。“
Thiswasverybad。ItwasonlybetterthanMrs。Norris’ssharpanswerswouldhavebeen;butshebeinggonehomewithallthesupernumeraryjelliestonurseasickmaid,therewaspeaceandgood-humourintheirlittleparty,thoughitcouldnotboastmuchbeside。
Theeveningwasheavyliketheday。“Icannotthinkwhatisthematterwithme,“saidLadyBertram,whenthetea-thingswereremoved。“Ifeelquitestupid。
Itmustbesittingupsolatelastnight。Fanny,youmustdosomethingtokeepmeawake。Icannotwork。
Fetchthecards;Ifeelsoverystupid。“
Thecardswerebrought,andFannyplayedatcribbagewithheraunttillbedtime;andasSirThomaswasreadingtohimself,nosoundswereheardintheroomforthenexttwohoursbeyondthereckoningsofthegame——“And_that_
makesthirty-one;fourinhandandeightincrib。
Youaretodeal,ma’am;shallIdealforyou?“Fannythoughtandthoughtagainofthedifferencewhichtwenty-fourhourshadmadeinthatroom,andallthatpartofthehouse。
Lastnightithadbeenhopeandsmiles,bustleandmotion,noiseandbrilliancy,inthedrawing-room,andoutofthedrawing-room,andeverywhere。Nowitwaslanguor,andallbutsolitude。
Agoodnight’srestimprovedherspirits。ShecouldthinkofWilliamthenextdaymorecheerfully;andasthemorningaffordedheranopportunityoftalkingoverThursdaynightwithMrs。GrantandMissCrawford,inaveryhandsomestyle,withalltheheighteningsofimagination,andallthelaughsofplayfulnesswhicharesoessentialtotheshadeofadepartedball,shecouldafterwardsbringhermindwithoutmucheffortintoitseverydaystate,andeasilyconformtothetranquillityofthepresentquietweek。
Theywereindeedasmallerpartythanshehadeverknownthereforawholedaytogether,and_he_wasgoneonwhomthecomfortandcheerfulnessofeveryfamilymeetingandeverymealchieflydepended。Butthismustbelearnedtobeendured。Hewouldsoonbealwaysgone;
andshewasthankfulthatshecouldnowsitinthesameroomwithheruncle,hearhisvoice,receivehisquestions,andevenanswerthem,withoutsuchwretchedfeelingsasshehadformerlyknown。
“Wemissourtwoyoungmen,“wasSirThomas’sobservationonboththefirstandsecondday,astheyformedtheirveryreducedcircleafterdinner;andinconsiderationofFanny’sswimmingeyes,nothingmorewassaidonthefirstdaythantodrinktheirgoodhealth;
butontheseconditledtosomethingfarther。
Williamwaskindlycommendedandhispromotionhopedfor。
“Andthereisnoreasontosuppose,“addedSirThomas,“butthathisvisitstousmaynowbetolerablyfrequent。
AstoEdmund,wemustlearntodowithouthim。
Thiswillbethelastwinterofhisbelongingtous,ashehasdone。“
“Yes,“saidLadyBertram,“butIwishhewasnotgoingaway。
Theyareallgoingaway,Ithink。Iwishtheywouldstayathome。“
ThiswishwaslevelledprincipallyatJulia,whohadjustappliedforpermissiontogototownwithMaria;
andasSirThomasthoughtitbestforeachdaughterthatthepermissionshouldbegranted,LadyBertram,thoughinherowngood-natureshewouldnothavepreventedit,waslamentingthechangeitmadeintheprospectofJulia’sreturn,whichwouldotherwisehavetakenplaceaboutthistime。
AgreatdealofgoodsensefollowedonSirThomas’sside,tendingtoreconcilehiswifetothearrangement。
Everythingthataconsiderateparent_ought_tofeelwasadvancedforheruse;andeverythingthatanaffectionatemother_must_feelinpromotingherchildren’senjoymentwasattributedtohernature。LadyBertramagreedtoitallwithacalm“Yes“;andattheendofaquarterofanhour’ssilentconsiderationspontaneouslyobserved,“SirThomas,Ihavebeenthinking——andIamverygladwetookFannyaswedid,fornowtheothersareawaywefeelthegoodofit。“
SirThomasimmediatelyimprovedthiscomplimentbyadding,“Verytrue。WeshewFannywhatagoodgirlwethinkherbypraisinghertoherface,sheisnowaveryvaluablecompanion。Ifwehavebeenkindto_her_,sheisnowquiteasnecessaryto_us_。“
“Yes,“saidLadyBertrampresently;“anditisacomforttothinkthatweshallalwayshave_her_。“
SirThomaspaused,halfsmiled,glancedathisniece,andthengravelyreplied,“Shewillneverleaveus,Ihope,tillinvitedtosomeotherhomethatmayreasonablypromisehergreaterhappinessthansheknowshere。“
“And_that_isnotverylikelytobe,SirThomas。
Whoshouldinviteher?MariamightbeverygladtoseeheratSothertonnowandthen,butshewouldnotthinkofaskinghertolivethere;andIamsuresheisbetteroffhere;
andbesides,Icannotdowithouther。“
TheweekwhichpassedsoquietlyandpeaceablyatthegreathouseinMansfieldhadaverydifferentcharacterattheParsonage。Totheyounglady,atleast,ineachfamily,itbroughtverydifferentfeelings。WhatwastranquillityandcomforttoFannywastediousnessandvexationtoMary。
Somethingarosefromdifferenceofdispositionandhabit:
onesoeasilysatisfied,theothersounusedtoendure;
butstillmoremightbeimputedtodifferenceofcircumstances。Insomepointsofinteresttheywereexactlyopposedtoeachother。ToFanny’smind,Edmund’sabsencewasreally,initscauseanditstendency,arelief。ToMaryitwaseverywaypainful。Shefeltthewantofhissocietyeveryday,almosteveryhour,andwastoomuchinwantofittoderiveanythingbutirritationfromconsideringtheobjectforwhichhewent。
Hecouldnothavedevisedanythingmorelikelytoraisehisconsequencethanthisweek’sabsence,occurringasitdidattheverytimeofherbrother’sgoingaway,ofWilliamPrice’sgoingtoo,andcompletingthesortofgeneralbreak-upofapartywhichhadbeensoanimated。
Shefeltitkeenly。Theywerenowamiserabletrio,confinedwithindoorsbyaseriesofrainandsnow,withnothingtodoandnovarietytohopefor。AngryasshewaswithEdmundforadheringtohisownnotions,andactingonthemindefianceofherandshehadbeensoangrythattheyhadhardlypartedfriendsattheball,shecouldnothelpthinkingofhimcontinuallywhenabsent,dwellingonhismeritandaffection,andlongingagainforthealmostdailymeetingstheylatelyhad。Hisabsencewasunnecessarilylong。Heshouldnothaveplannedsuchanabsence——heshouldnothavelefthomeforaweek,whenherowndeparturefromMansfieldwassonear。
Thenshebegantoblameherself。Shewishedshehadnotspokensowarmlyintheirlastconversation。Shewasafraidshehadusedsomestrong,somecontemptuousexpressionsinspeakingoftheclergy,andthatshouldnothavebeen。
Itwasill-bred;itwaswrong。Shewishedsuchwordsunsaidwithallherheart。
Hervexationdidnotendwiththeweek。Allthiswasbad,butshehadstillmoretofeelwhenFridaycameroundagainandbroughtnoEdmund;whenSaturdaycameandstillnoEdmund;andwhen,throughtheslightcommunicationwiththeotherfamilywhichSundayproduced,shelearnedthathehadactuallywrittenhometodeferhisreturn,havingpromisedtoremainsomedayslongerwithhisfriend。
Ifshehadfeltimpatienceandregretbefore——ifshehadbeensorryforwhatshesaid,andfeareditstoostrongeffectonhim——shenowfeltandfeareditalltenfoldmore。