Oh,Mr。Crawford,weareinfinitelyobligedtoyou!
Dearest,dearestWilliam!“Shejumpedupandmovedinhastetowardsthedoor,cryingout,“Iwillgotomyuncle。
Myuncleoughttoknowitassoonaspossible。“Butthiscouldnotbesuffered。Theopportunitywastoofair,andhisfeelingstooimpatient。Hewasafterherimmediately。
“Shemustnotgo,shemustallowhimfiveminuteslonger,“
andhetookherhandandledherbacktoherseat,andwasinthemiddleofhisfartherexplanation,beforeshehadsuspectedforwhatshewasdetained。
Whenshedidunderstandit,however,andfoundherselfexpectedtobelievethatshehadcreatedsensationswhichhishearthadneverknownbefore,andthateverythinghehaddoneforWilliamwastobeplacedtotheaccountofhisexcessiveandunequalledattachmenttoher,shewasexceedinglydistressed,andforsomemomentsunabletospeak。Sheconsidereditallasnonsense,asmeretriflingandgallantry,whichmeantonlytodeceiveforthehour;shecouldnotbutfeelthatitwastreatingherimproperlyandunworthily,andinsuchawayasshehadnotdeserved;butitwaslikehimself,andentirelyofapiecewithwhatshehadseenbefore;andshewouldnotallowherselftoshewhalfthedispleasureshefelt,becausehehadbeenconferringanobligation,whichnowantofdelicacyonhispartcouldmakeatrifletoher。
WhileherheartwasstillboundingwithjoyandgratitudeonWilliam’sbehalf,shecouldnotbeseverelyresentfulofanythingthatinjuredonlyherself;andafterhavingtwicedrawnbackherhand,andtwiceattemptedinvaintoturnawayfromhim,shegotup,andsaidonly,withmuchagitation,“Don’t,Mr。Crawford,praydon’t!I
begyouwouldnot。Thisisasortoftalkingwhichisveryunpleasanttome。Imustgoaway。Icannotbearit。“
Buthewasstilltalkingon,describinghisaffection,solicitingareturn,and,finally,inwordssoplainastobearbutonemeaningeventoher,offeringhimself,hand,fortune,everything,toheracceptance。Itwasso;
hehadsaidit。Herastonishmentandconfusionincreased;
andthoughstillnotknowinghowtosupposehimserious,shecouldhardlystand。Hepressedforananswer。
“No,no,no!“shecried,hidingherface。“Thisisallnonsense。
Donotdistressme。Icanhearnomoreofthis。
YourkindnesstoWilliammakesmemoreobligedtoyouthanwordscanexpress;butIdonotwant,Icannotbear,Imustnotlistentosuch——No,no,don’tthinkofme。
Butyouare_not_thinkingofme。Iknowitisallnothing。“
Shehadburstawayfromhim,andatthatmomentSirThomaswasheardspeakingtoaservantinhiswaytowardstheroomtheywerein。Itwasnotimeforfartherassurancesorentreaty,thoughtopartwithheratamomentwhenhermodestyaloneseemed,tohissanguineandpreassuredmind,tostandinthewayofthehappinesshesought,wasacruelnecessity。Sherushedoutatanoppositedoorfromtheoneherunclewasapproaching,andwaswalkingupanddowntheEastroomilltheutmostconfusionofcontraryfeeling,beforeSirThomas’spolitenessorapologieswereover,orhehadreachedthebeginningofthejoyfulintelligencewhichhisvisitorcametocommunicate。
Shewasfeeling,thinking,tremblingabouteverything;
agitated,happy,miserable,infinitelyobliged,absolutelyangry。Itwasallbeyondbelief!
Hewasinexcusable,incomprehensible!Butsuchwerehishabitsthathecoulddonothingwithoutamixtureofevil。Hehadpreviouslymadeherthehappiestofhumanbeings,andnowhehadinsulted——sheknewnotwhattosay,howtoclass,orhowtoregardit。
Shewouldnothavehimbeserious,andyetwhatcouldexcusetheuseofsuchwordsandoffers,iftheymeantbuttotrifle?
ButWilliamwasalieutenant。_That_wasafactbeyondadoubt,andwithoutanalloy。Shewouldthinkofitforeverandforgetalltherest。Mr。Crawfordwouldcertainlyneveraddresshersoagain:hemusthaveseenhowunwelcomeitwastoher;andinthatcase,howgratefullyshecouldesteemhimforhisfriendshiptoWilliam!
ShewouldnotstirfartherfromtheEastroomthantheheadofthegreatstaircase,tillshehadsatisfiedherselfofMr。Crawford’shavingleftthehouse;
butwhenconvincedofhisbeinggone,shewaseagertogodownandbewithheruncle,andhaveallthehappinessofhisjoyaswellasherown,andallthebenefitofhisinformationorhisconjecturesastowhatwouldnowbeWilliam’sdestination。SirThomaswasasjoyfulasshecoulddesire,andverykindandcommunicative;
andshehadsocomfortableatalkwithhimaboutWilliamastomakeherfeelasifnothinghadoccurredtovexher,tillshefound,towardstheclose,thatMr。Crawfordwasengagedtoreturnanddinetherethatveryday。
Thiswasamostunwelcomehearing,forthoughhemightthinknothingofwhathadpassed,itwouldbequitedistressingtohertoseehimagainsosoon。
Shetriedtogetthebetterofit;triedveryhard,asthedinnerhourapproached,tofeelandappearasusual;
butitwasquiteimpossibleforhernottolookmostshyanduncomfortablewhentheirvisitorenteredtheroom。
ShecouldnothavesupposeditinthepowerofanyconcurrenceofcircumstancestogivehersomanypainfulsensationsonthefirstdayofhearingofWilliam’spromotion。
Mr。Crawfordwasnotonlyintheroom——hewassoonclosetoher。Hehadanotetodeliverfromhissister。
Fannycouldnotlookathim,buttherewasnoconsciousnessofpastfollyinhisvoice。Sheopenedhernoteimmediately,gladtohaveanythingtodo,andhappy,asshereadit,tofeelthatthefidgetingsofherauntNorris,whowasalsotodinethere,screenedheralittlefromview。
“MydearFanny,——forsoImaynowalwayscallyou,totheinfinitereliefofatonguethathasbeenstumblingat_Miss__Price_foratleastthelastsixweeks——
Icannotletmybrothergowithoutsendingyouafewlinesofgeneralcongratulation,andgivingmymostjoyfulconsentandapproval。Goon,mydearFanny,andwithoutfear;
therecanbenodifficultiesworthnaming。Ichusetosupposethattheassuranceofmyconsentwillbesomething;
soyoumaysmileuponhimwithyoursweetestsmilesthisafternoon,andsendhimbacktomeevenhappierthanhegoes——Yoursaffectionately,M。C。“
ThesewerenotexpressionstodoFannyanygood;
forthoughshereadintoomuchhasteandconfusiontoformtheclearestjudgmentofMissCrawford’smeaning,itwasevidentthatshemeanttocomplimentheronherbrother’sattachment,andevento_appear_tobelieveitserious。Shedidnotknowwhattodo,orwhattothink。
Therewaswretchednessintheideaofitsbeingserious;
therewasperplexityandagitationeveryway。
ShewasdistressedwheneverMr。Crawfordspoketoher,andhespoketohermuchtoooften;andshewasafraidtherewasasomethinginhisvoiceandmannerinaddressingherverydifferentfromwhattheywerewhenhetalkedtotheothers。Hercomfortinthatday’sdinnerwasquitedestroyed:shecouldhardlyeatanything;
andwhenSirThomasgood-humouredlyobservedthatjoyhadtakenawayherappetite,shewasreadytosinkwithshame,fromthedreadofMr。Crawford’sinterpretation;
forthoughnothingcouldhavetemptedhertoturnhereyestotherighthand,wherehesat,shefeltthat_his_
wereimmediatelydirectedtowardsher。
Shewasmoresilentthanever。ShewouldhardlyjoinevenwhenWilliamwasthesubject,forhiscommissioncameallfromtherighthandtoo,andtherewaspainintheconnexion。
ShethoughtLadyBertramsatlongerthanever,andbegantobeindespairofevergettingaway;butatlasttheywereinthedrawing-room,andshewasabletothinkasshewould,whileherauntsfinishedthesubjectofWilliam’sappointmentintheirownstyle。
Mrs。NorrisseemedasmuchdelightedwiththesavingitwouldbetoSirThomasaswithanypartofit。
“_Now_Williamwouldbeabletokeephimself,whichwouldmakeavastdifferencetohisuncle,foritwasunknownhowmuchhehadcosthisuncle;and,indeed,itwouldmakesomedifferencein_her_presentstoo。ShewasverygladthatshehadgivenWilliamwhatshedidatparting,veryglad,indeed,thatithadbeeninherpower,withoutmaterialinconvenience,justatthattimetogivehimsomethingratherconsiderable;thatis,for_her_,with_her_limitedmeans,fornowitwouldallbeusefulinhelpingtofituphiscabin。Sheknewhemustbeatsomeexpense,thathewouldhavemanythingstobuy,thoughtobesurehisfatherandmotherwouldbeabletoputhiminthewayofgettingeverythingverycheap;
butshewasverygladshehadcontributedhermitetowardsit。“
“Iamgladyougavehimsomethingconsiderable,“
saidLadyBertram,withmostunsuspiciouscalmness,“for_I_gavehimonly10。“
“Indeed!“criedMrs。Norris,reddening。“Uponmyword,hemusthavegoneoffwithhispockets1welllined,andatnoexpenseforhisjourneytoLondoneither!“
“SirThomastoldme10wouldbeenough。“
Mrs。Norris,beingnotatallinclinedtoquestionitssufficiency,begantotakethematterinanotherpoint。