Shewouldratherdiethanownthetruth;andshehoped,byalittlereflection,tofortifyherselfbeyondbetrayingit。
“IndependentlyoftheinterestwhichMr。Crawford’s_choice_
seemedtojustify“saidSirThomas,beginningagain,andverycomposedly,“hiswishingtomarryatallsoearlyisrecommendatorytome。Iamanadvocateforearlymarriages,wheretherearemeansinproportion,andwouldhaveeveryyoungman,withasufficientincome,settleassoonafterfour-and-twentyashecan。Thisissomuchmyopinion,thatIamsorrytothinkhowlittlelikelymyowneldestson,yourcousin,Mr。Bertram,istomarryearly;butatpresent,asfarasIcanjudge,matrimonymakesnopartofhisplansorthoughts。
Iwishheweremorelikelytofix。“HerewasaglanceatFanny。“Edmund,Iconsider,fromhisdispositionsandhabits,asmuchmorelikelytomarryearlythanhisbrother。_He_,indeed,Ihavelatelythought,hasseenthewomanhecouldlove,which,Iamconvinced,myeldestsonhasnot。AmIright?Doyouagreewithme,mydear?“
“Yes,sir。“
Itwasgently,butitwascalmlysaid,andSirThomaswaseasyonthescoreofthecousins。Buttheremovalofhisalarmdidhisniecenoservice:asherunaccountablenesswasconfirmedhisdispleasureincreased;andgettingupandwalkingabouttheroomwithafrown,whichFannycouldpicturetoherself,thoughshedarednotliftuphereyes,heshortlyafterwards,andinavoiceofauthority,said,“Haveyouanyreason,child,tothinkillofMr。Crawford’stemper?“
“No,sir。“
Shelongedtoadd,“ButofhisprinciplesIhave“;butherheartsunkundertheappallingprospectofdiscussion,explanation,andprobablynon-conviction。Herillopinionofhimwasfoundedchieflyonobservations,which,forhercousins’sake,shecouldscarcelydarementiontotheirfather。MariaandJulia,andespeciallyMaria,weresocloselyimplicatedinMr。Crawford’smisconduct,thatshecouldnotgivehischaracter,suchasshebelievedit,withoutbetrayingthem。Shehadhopedthat,toamanlikeheruncle,sodiscerning,sohonourable,sogood,thesimpleacknowledgmentofsettled_dislike_
onhersidewouldhavebeensufficient。Toherinfinitegriefshefounditwasnot。
SirThomascametowardsthetablewhereshesatintremblingwretchedness,andwithagooddealofcoldsternness,said,“Itisofnouse,Iperceive,totalktoyou。Wehadbetterputanendtothismostmortifyingconference。Mr。Crawfordmustnotbekeptlongerwaiting。Iwill,therefore,onlyadd,asthinkingitmydutytomarkmyopinionofyourconduct,thatyouhavedisappointedeveryexpectationIhadformed,andprovedyourselfofacharactertheveryreverseofwhatIhadsupposed。ForI_had_,Fanny,asIthinkmybehaviourmusthaveshewn,formedaveryfavourableopinionofyoufromtheperiodofmyreturntoEngland。
Ihadthoughtyoupeculiarlyfreefromwilfulnessoftemper,self-conceit,andeverytendencytothatindependenceofspiritwhichprevailssomuchinmoderndays,eveninyoungwomen,andwhichinyoungwomenisoffensiveanddisgustingbeyondallcommonoffence。Butyouhavenowshewnmethatyoucanbewilfulandperverse;
thatyoucanandwilldecideforyourself,withoutanyconsiderationordeferenceforthosewhohavesurelysomerighttoguideyou,withoutevenaskingtheiradvice。
Youhaveshewnyourselfvery,verydifferentfromanythingthatIhadimagined。Theadvantageordisadvantageofyourfamily,ofyourparents,yourbrothersandsisters,neverseemstohavehadamoment’sshareinyourthoughtsonthisoccasion。How_they_mightbebenefited,how_they_mustrejoiceinsuchanestablishmentforyou,isnothingto_you_。Youthinkonlyofyourself,andbecauseyoudonotfeelforMr。Crawfordexactlywhatayoungheatedfancyimaginestobenecessaryforhappiness,youresolvetorefusehimatonce,withoutwishingevenforalittletimetoconsiderofit,alittlemoretimeforcoolconsideration,andforreallyexaminingyourowninclinations;andare,inawildfitoffolly,throwingawayfromyousuchanopportunityofbeingsettledinlife,eligibly,honourably,noblysettled,aswill,probably,neveroccurtoyouagain。Hereisayoungmanofsense,ofcharacter,oftemper,ofmanners,andoffortune,exceedinglyattachedtoyou,andseekingyourhandinthemosthandsomeanddisinterestedway;
andletmetellyou,Fanny,thatyoumayliveeighteenyearslongerintheworldwithoutbeingaddressedbyamanofhalfMr。Crawford’sestate,oratenthpartofhismerits。
GladlywouldIhavebestowedeitherofmyowndaughtersonhim。Mariaisnoblymarried;buthadMr。CrawfordsoughtJulia’shand,IshouldhavegivenittohimwithsuperiorandmoreheartfeltsatisfactionthanIgaveMaria’stoMr。Rushworth。“Afterhalfamoment’spause:
“AndIshouldhavebeenverymuchsurprisedhadeitherofmydaughters,onreceivingaproposalofmarriageatanytimewhichmightcarrywithitonly_half_theeligibilityof_this_,immediatelyandperemptorily,andwithoutpayingmyopinionormyregardthecomplimentofanyconsultation,putadecidednegativeonit。Ishouldhavebeenmuchsurprisedandmuchhurtbysuchaproceeding。Ishouldhavethoughtitagrossviolationofdutyandrespect。
_You_arenottobejudgedbythesamerule。Youdonotowemethedutyofachild。But,Fanny,ifyourheartcanacquityouof_ingratitude_——“
Heceased。Fannywasbythistimecryingsobitterlythat,angryashewas,hewouldnotpressthatarticlefarther。
Herheartwasalmostbrokebysuchapictureofwhatsheappearedtohim;bysuchaccusations,soheavy,somultiplied,sorisingindreadfulgradation!
Self-willed,obstinate,selfish,andungrateful。
Hethoughtherallthis。Shehaddeceivedhisexpectations;
shehadlosthisgoodopinion。Whatwastobecomeofher?
“Iamverysorry,“saidsheinarticulately,throughhertears,“Iamverysorryindeed。“
“Sorry!yes,Ihopeyouaresorry;andyouwillprobablyhavereasontobelongsorryforthisday’stransactions。“
“Ifitwerepossibleformetodootherwise“saidshe,withanotherstrongeffort;“butIamsoperfectlyconvincedthatIcouldnevermakehimhappy,andthatI
shouldbemiserablemyself。“
Anotherburstoftears;butinspiteofthatburst,andinspiteofthatgreatblackword_miserable_,whichservedtointroduceit,SirThomasbegantothinkalittlerelenting,alittlechangeofinclination,mighthavesomethingtodowithit;andtoaugurfavourablyfromthepersonalentreatyoftheyoungmanhimself。
Heknewhertobeverytimid,andexceedinglynervous;
andthoughtitnotimprobablethathermindmightbeinsuchastateasalittletime,alittlepressing,alittlepatience,andalittleimpatience,ajudiciousmixtureofallonthelover’sside,mightworktheirusualeffecton。Ifthegentlemanwouldbutpersevere,ifhehadbutloveenoughtopersevere,SirThomasbegantohavehopes;andthesereflectionshavingpassedacrosshismindandcheeredit,“Well,“saidhe,inatoneofbecominggravity,butoflessanger,“well,child,dryupyourtears。Thereisnouseinthesetears;
theycandonogood。Youmustnowcomedownstairswithme。
Mr。Crawfordhasbeenkeptwaitingtoolongalready。
Youmustgivehimyourownanswer:wecannotexpecthimtobesatisfiedwithless;andyouonlycanexplaintohimthegroundsofthatmisconceptionofyoursentiments,which,unfortunatelyforhimself,hecertainlyhasimbibed。Iamtotallyunequaltoit。“
ButFannyshewedsuchreluctance,suchmisery,attheideaofgoingdowntohim,thatSirThomas,afteralittleconsideration,judgeditbettertoindulgeher。
Hishopesfrombothgentlemanandladysufferedasmalldepressioninconsequence;butwhenhelookedathisniece,andsawthestateoffeatureandcomplexionwhichhercryinghadbroughtherinto,hethoughttheremightbeasmuchlostasgainedbyanimmediateinterview。
Withafewwords,therefore,ofnoparticularmeaning,hewalkedoffbyhimself,leavinghispoorniecetositandcryoverwhathadpassed,withverywretchedfeelingsHermindwasalldisorder。Thepast,present,future,everythingwasterrible。Butheruncle’sangergavehertheseverestpainofall。Selfishandungrateful!
tohaveappearedsotohim!Shewasmiserableforever。
Shehadnoonetotakeherpart,tocounsel,orspeakforher。Heronlyfriendwasabsent。Hemighthavesoftenedhisfather;butall,perhapsall,wouldthinkherselfishandungrateful。Shemighthavetoendurethereproachagainandagain;shemighthearit,orseeit,orknowittoexistforeverineveryconnexionabouther。
ShecouldnotbutfeelsomeresentmentagainstMr。Crawford;
yet,ifhereallylovedher,andwereunhappytoo!
Itwasallwretchednesstogether。
Inaboutaquarterofanhourherunclereturned;
shewasalmostreadytofaintatthesightofhim。
Hespokecalmly,however,withoutausterity,withoutreproach,andsherevivedalittle。Therewascomfort,too,inhiswords,aswellashismanner,forhebeganwith,“Mr。Crawfordisgone:hehasjustleftme。Ineednotrepeatwhathaspassed。Idonotwanttoaddtoanythingyoumaynowbefeeling,byanaccountofwhathehasfelt。
Sufficeit,thathehasbehavedinthemostgentlemanlikeandgenerousmanner,andhasconfirmedmeinamostfavourableopinionofhisunderstanding,heart,andtemper。
Uponmyrepresentationofwhatyouweresuffering,heimmediately,andwiththegreatestdelicacy,ceasedtourgetoseeyouforthepresent。“
HereFanny,whohadlookedup,lookeddownagain。“Ofcourse,“
continuedheruncle,“itcannotbesupposedbutthatheshouldrequesttospeakwithyoualone,beitonlyforfiveminutes;
arequesttoonatural,aclaimtoojusttobedenied。