butbywhatothernamecanIcallyou?Doyousupposeyouareeverpresenttomyimaginationunderanyother?
No,itis’Fanny’thatIthinkofallday,anddreamofallnight。Youhavegiventhenamesuchrealityofsweetness,thatnothingelsecannowbedescriptiveofyou。“
Fannycouldhardlyhavekeptherseatanylonger,orhaverefrainedfromatleasttryingtogetawayinspiteofallthetoopublicoppositionsheforesawtoit,haditnotbeenforthesoundofapproachingrelief,theverysoundwhichshehadbeenlongwatchingfor,andlongthinkingstrangelydelayed。
Thesolemnprocession,headedbyBaddeley,oftea-board,urn,andcake-bearers,madeitsappearance,anddeliveredherfromagrievousimprisonmentofbodyandmind。
Mr。Crawfordwasobligedtomove。Shewasatliberty,shewasbusy,shewasprotected。
Edmundwasnotsorrytobeadmittedagainamongthenumberofthosewhomightspeakandhear。Butthoughtheconferencehadseemedfulllongtohim,andthoughonlookingatFannyhesawratheraflushofvexation,heinclinedtohopethatsomuchcouldnothavebeensaidandlistenedtowithoutsomeprofittothespeaker。
EdmundhaddeterminedthatitbelongedentirelytoFannytochusewhetherhersituationwithregardtoCrawfordshouldbementionedbetweenthemornot;andthatifshedidnotleadtheway,itshouldneverbetouchedonbyhim;
butafteradayortwoofmutualreserve,hewasinducedbyhisfathertochangehismind,andtrywhathisinfluencemightdoforhisfriend。
Aday,andaveryearlyday,wasactuallyfixedfortheCrawfords’departure;andSirThomasthoughtitmightbeaswelltomakeonemoreeffortfortheyoungmanbeforeheleftMansfield,thatallhisprofessionsandvowsofunshakenattachmentmighthaveasmuchhopetosustainthemaspossible。
SirThomaswasmostcordiallyanxiousfortheperfectionofMr。Crawford’scharacterinthatpoint。Hewishedhimtobeamodelofconstancy;andfanciedthebestmeansofeffectingitwouldbebynottryinghimtoolong。
Edmundwasnotunwillingtobepersuadedtoengageinthebusiness;hewantedtoknowFanny’sfeelings。
Shehadbeenusedtoconsulthimineverydifficulty,andhelovedhertoowelltobeartobedeniedherconfidencenow;hehopedtobeofservicetoher,hethoughthemustbeofservicetoher;whomelsehadshetoopenherheartto?Ifshedidnotneedcounsel,shemustneedthecomfortofcommunication。Fannyestrangedfromhim,silentandreserved,wasanunnaturalstateofthings;
astatewhichhemustbreakthrough,andwhichhecouldeasilylearntothinkshewaswantinghimtobreakthrough。
“Iwillspeaktoher,sir:Iwilltakethefirstopportunityofspeakingtoheralone,“wastheresultofsuchthoughtsasthese;anduponSirThomas’sinformationofherbeingatthatverytimewalkingaloneintheshrubbery,heinstantlyjoinedher。
“Iamcometowalkwithyou,Fanny,“saidhe。“ShallI?“
Drawingherarmwithinhis。“Itisalongwhilesincewehavehadacomfortablewalktogether。“
Sheassentedtoitallratherbylookthanword。
Herspiritswerelow。
“But,Fanny,“hepresentlyadded,“inordertohaveacomfortablewalk,somethingmoreisnecessarythanmerelypacingthisgraveltogether。Youmusttalktome。
Iknowyouhavesomethingonyourmind。Iknowwhatyouarethinkingof。Youcannotsupposemeuninformed。
AmItohearofitfromeverybodybutFannyherself?“
Fanny,atonceagitatedanddejected,replied,“Ifyouhearofitfromeverybody,cousin,therecanbenothingformetotell。“
“Notoffacts,perhaps;butoffeelings,Fanny。
Noonebutyoucantellmethem。Idonotmeantopressyou,however。Ifitisnotwhatyouwishyourself,Ihavedone。Ihadthoughtitmightbearelief。“
“IamafraidwethinktoodifferentlyformetofindanyreliefintalkingofwhatIfeel。“
“Doyousupposethatwethinkdifferently?Ihavenoideaofit。Idaresaythat,onacomparisonofouropinions,theywouldbefoundasmuchalikeastheyhavebeenusedtobe:
tothepoint——IconsiderCrawford’sproposalsasmostadvantageousanddesirable,ifyoucouldreturnhisaffection。
Iconsideritasmostnaturalthatallyourfamilyshouldwishyoucouldreturnit;butthat,asyoucannot,youhavedoneexactlyasyououghtinrefusinghim。
Cantherebeanydisagreementbetweenushere?“
“Ohno!ButIthoughtyoublamedme。Ithoughtyouwereagainstme。Thisissuchacomfort!“
“Thiscomfortyoumighthavehadsooner,Fanny,hadyousoughtit。Buthowcouldyoupossiblysupposemeagainstyou?
Howcouldyouimaginemeanadvocateformarriagewithoutlove?
WereIevencarelessingeneralonsuchmatters,howcouldyouimaginemesowhereyourhappinesswasatstake?“
“Myunclethoughtmewrong,andIknewhehadbeentalkingtoyou。“
“Asfarasyouhavegone,Fanny,Ithinkyouperfectlyright。
Imaybesorry,Imaybesurprised——thoughhardly_that_,foryouhadnothadtimetoattachyourself——butIthinkyouperfectlyright。Canitadmitofaquestion?
Itisdisgracefultousifitdoes。Youdidnotlovehim;
nothingcouldhavejustifiedyouracceptinghim。“
Fannyhadnotfeltsocomfortablefordaysanddays。
“Sofaryourconducthasbeenfaultless,andtheywerequitemistakenwhowishedyoutodootherwise。Butthematterdoesnotendhere。Crawford’sisnocommonattachment;
heperseveres,withthehopeofcreatingthatregardwhichhadnotbeencreatedbefore。This,weknow,mustbeaworkoftime。But“withanaffectionatesmile
“lethimsucceedatlast,Fanny,lethimsucceedatlast。
Youhaveprovedyourselfuprightanddisinterested,proveyourselfgratefulandtender-hearted;andthenyouwillbetheperfectmodelofawomanwhichIhavealwaysbelievedyoubornfor。“
“Oh!never,never,never!heneverwillsucceedwithme。“
AndshespokewithawarmthwhichquiteastonishedEdmund,andwhichsheblushedattherecollectionofherself,whenshesawhislook,andheardhimreply,“Never!Fanny!——
soverydeterminedandpositive!Thisisnotlikeyourself,yourrationalself。“
“Imean,“shecried,sorrowfullycorrectingherself,“thatI_think_Inevershall,asfarasthefuturecanbeansweredfor;IthinkInevershallreturnhisregard。“
“Imusthopebetterthings。Iamaware,moreawarethanCrawfordcanbe,thatthemanwhomeanstomakeyoulovehimyouhavingduenoticeofhisintentions
musthaveveryuphillwork,forthereareallyourearlyattachmentsandhabitsinbattlearray;andbeforehecangetyourheartforhisownusehehastounfastenitfromalltheholdsuponthingsanimateandinanimate,whichsomanyyears’growthhaveconfirmed,andwhichareconsiderablytightenedforthemomentbytheveryideaofseparation。IknowthattheapprehensionofbeingforcedtoquitMansfieldwillforatimebearmingyouagainsthim。Iwishhehadnotbeenobligedtotellyouwhathewastryingfor。IwishhehadknownyouaswellasIdo,Fanny。Betweenus,Ithinkweshouldhavewonyou。
Mytheoreticalandhispracticalknowledgetogethercouldnothavefailed。Heshouldhaveworkeduponmyplans。
Imusthope,however,thattime,provinghimasIfirmlybelieveitwilltodeserveyoubyhissteadyaffection,willgivehimhisreward。Icannotsupposethatyouhavenotthe_wish_tolovehim——thenaturalwishofgratitude。
Youmusthavesomefeelingofthatsort。Youmustbesorryforyourownindifference。“
“Wearesototallyunlike,“saidFanny,avoidingadirectanswer,“wearesovery,verydifferentinallourinclinationsandways,thatIconsideritasquiteimpossibleweshouldeverbetolerablyhappytogether,evenifI_could_likehim。Thereneverweretwopeoplemoredissimilar。Wehavenotonetasteincommon。
Weshouldbemiserable。
“Youaremistaken,Fanny。Thedissimilarityisnotsostrong。
Youarequiteenoughalike。You_have_tastesincommon。
Youhavemoralandliterarytastesincommon。Youhavebothwarmheartsandbenevolentfeelings;and,Fanny,whothatheardhimread,andsawyoulistentoShakespearetheothernight,willthinkyouunfittedascompanions?