SoItookonwithBertha，andIwasgladshewascommon。Iwantedhertobecommon。Iwantedtobecommonmyself。Well，Imarriedher，andshewasn’tbad。Thoseother“pure“womenhadnearlytakenalltheballsoutofme，butshewasallrightthatway。Shewantedme，andmadenobonesaboutit。AndIwasaspleasedaspunch。ThatwaswhatIwanted：awomanwhowantedmetofuckher。SoIfuckedherlikeagoodun。AndIthinkshedespisedmeabit，forbeingsopleasedaboutit，andbringin’herherbreakfastinbedsometimes。Shesortofletthingsgo，didn’tgetmeaproperdinnerwhenIcamehomefromwork，andifIsaidanything，flewoutatme。AndIflewback，hammerandtongs。SheflungacupatmeandItookherbythescruffoftheneckandsqueezedthelifeoutofher。
　　Thatsortofthing!Butshetreatedmewithinsolence。Andshegotso’sshe’dneverhavemewhenIwantedher：never。Alwaysputmeoff，brutalasyoulike。Andthenwhenshe’dputmerightoff，andIdidn’twanther，she’dcomealllovey-dovey，andgetme。AndIalwayswent。ButwhenIhadher，she’dnevercomeoffwhenIdid。Never!She’djustwait。IfIkeptbackforhalfanhour，she’dkeepbacklonger。AndwhenI’dcomeandreallyfinished，thenshe’dstartonherownaccount，andIhadtostopinsidehertillshebroughtherselfoff，wrigglingandshouting，she’dclutchclutchwithherselfdownthere，an’thenshe’dcomeoff，fairinecstasy。
　　Andthenshe’dsay：Thatwaslovely!GraduallyIgotsickofit：andshegotworse。Shesortofgotharderandhardertobringoff，andshe’dsortoftearatmedownthere，asifitwasabeaktearingatme。ByGod，youthinkawoman’ssoftdownthere，likeafig。ButItellyoutheoldrampershavebeaksbetweentheirlegs，andtheytearatyouwithittillyou’resick。Self!Self!Self!allself!tearingandshouting!Theytalkaboutmen’sselfishness，butIdoubtifitcanevertouchawoman’sblindbeakishness，onceshe’sgonethatway。Likeanoldtrull!Andshecouldn’thelpit。
　　Itoldheraboutit，ItoldherhowIhatedit。Andshe’deventry。She’dtrytoliestillandletmeworkthebusiness。She’dtry。Butitwasnogood。Shegotnofeelingoffit，frommyworking。Shehadtoworkthethingherself，grindherowncoffee。Anditcamebackonherlikearavingnecessity，shehadtoletherselfgo，andtear，tear，tear，asifshehadnosensationinherexceptinthetopofherbeak，theveryoutsidetoptip，thatrubbedandtore。That’showoldwhoresusedtobe，somenusedtosay。Itwasalowkindofself-willinher，aravingsortofself-will：
　　likeinawomanwhodrinks。WellintheendIcouldn’tstandit。Wesleptapart。Sheherselfhadstartedit，inherboutswhenshewantedtobeclearofme，whenshesaidIbossedher。Shehadstartedhavingaroomforherself。
　　ButthetimecamewhenIwouldn’thavehercomingtomyroom。Iwouldn’t。
　　`Ihatedit。Andshehatedme。MyGod，howshehatedmebeforethatchildwasborn!Ioftenthinksheconceiveditoutofhate。Anyhow，afterthechildwasbornIleftheralone。Andthencamethewar，andIjoinedup。AndIdidn’tcomebacktillIknewshewaswiththatfellowatStacksGate。
　　Hebrokeoff，paleintheface。
　　`AndwhatisthemanatStacksGatelike？’askedConnie。
　　`Abigbabysortoffellow，verylow-mouthed。Shebullieshim，andtheybothdrink。’
　　`Myword，ifshecameback!’
　　`MyGod，yes!Ishouldjustgo，disappearagain。’
　　Therewasasilence。Thepasteboardinthefirehadturnedtogreyash。
　　`Sowhenyoudidgetawomanwhowantedyou，’saidConnie，`yougotabittoomuchofagoodthing。’
　　`Ay!Seemsso!YeteventhenI’dratherhaveherthanthenever-neverones：thewhiteloveofmyyouth，andthatotherpoison-smellinglily，andtherest。’
　　`Whatabouttherest？’saidConnie。
　　`Therest？Thereisnorest。Onlytomyexperiencethemassofwomenarelikethis：mostofthemwantaman，butdon’twantthesex，buttheyputupwithit，aspartofthebargain。Themoreold-fashionedsortjustlietherelikenothingandletyougoahead。Theydon’tmindafterwards：
　　thentheylikeyou。Buttheactualthingitselfisnothingtothem，abitdistasteful。Addmostmenlikeitthatway。Ihateit。Buttheslysortofwomenwhoarelikethatpretendthey’renot。Theypretendthey’repassionateandhavethrills。Butit’sallcockaloopy。Theymakeitup。Thenthere’stheonesthatloveeverything，everykindoffeelingandcuddlingandgoingoff，everykindexceptthenaturalone。Theyalwaysmakeyougooffwhenyou’renotintheonlyplaceyoushouldbe，whenyougooff——Thenthere’sthehardsort，thatarethedeviltobringoffatall，andbringthemselvesoff，likemywife。Theywanttobetheactiveparty——Thenthere’sthesortthat’sjustdeadinside：butdead：andtheyknowit。Thenthere’sthesortthatputsyououtbeforeyoureally“come“，andgoonwrithingtheirloinstilltheybringthemselvesoffagainstyourthighs。
　　Butthey’remostlytheLesbiansort。It’sastonishinghowLesbianwomenare，consciouslyorunconsciously。Seemstomethey’renearlyallLesbian。’
　　`Anddoyoumind？’askedConnie。
　　`Icouldkillthem。WhenI’mwithawomanwho’sreallyLesbian，Ifairlyhowlinmysoul，wantingtokillher。’
　　`Andwhatdoyoudo？’
　　`JustgoawayasfastasIcan。’
　　`ButdoyouthinkLesbianwomenanyworsethanhomosexualmen？’
　　`Ido!BecauseI’vesufferedmorefromthem。Intheabstract，I’venoidea。WhenIgetwithaLesbianwoman，whethersheknowsshe’soneornot，Iseered。No，no!ButIwantedtohavenothingtodowithanywomananymore。Iwantedtokeeptomyself：keepmyprivacyandmydecency。’
　　Helookedpale，andhisbrowsweresombre。
　　`AndwereyousorrywhenIcamealong？’sheasked。
　　`IwassorryandIwasglad。’
　　`Andwhatareyounow？’
　　`I’msorry，fromtheoutside：allthecomplicationsandtheuglinessandrecriminationthat’sboundtocome，soonerorlater。That’swhenmybloodsinks，andI’mlow。Butwhenmybloodcomesup，I’mglad。I’meventriumphant。Iwasreallygettingbitter。Ithoughttherewasnorealsexleft：neverawomanwho’dreally“come“naturallywithaman：exceptblackwomen，andsomehow，well，we’rewhitemen：andthey’reabitlikemud。’
　　`Andnow，areyougladofme？’sheasked。
　　`Yes!WhenIcanforgettherest。WhenIcan’tforgettherest，Iwanttogetunderthetableanddie。’
　　`Whyunderthetable？’
　　`Why？’helaughed。`Hide，Isuppose。Baby!’
　　`Youdoseemtohavehadawfulexperiencesofwomen，’shesaid。
　　`Yousee，Icouldn’tfoolmyself。That’swheremostmenmanage。Theytakeanattitude，andacceptalie。Icouldneverfoolmyself。IknewwhatIwantedwithawoman，andIcouldneversayI’dgotitwhenIhadn’t。’
　　`Buthaveyougotitnow？’
　　`LooksasifImighthave。’
　　`Thenwhyareyousopaleandgloomy？’
　　`Bellyfulofremembering：andperhapsafraidofmyself。’
　　Shesatinsilence。Itwasgrowinglate。
　　`Anddoyouthinkit’simportant，amanandawoman？’sheaskedhim。
　　`Formeitis。Formeit’sthecoreofmylife：ifIhavearightrelationwithawoman。’
　　`Andifyoudidn’tgetit？’
　　`ThenI’dhavetodowithout。’
　　Againshepondered，beforesheasked：
　　`Anddoyouthinkyou’vealwaysbeenrightwithwomen？’
　　`God，no!Iletmywifegettowhatshewas：myfaultagooddeal。I
　　spoilther。AndI’mverymistrustful。You’llhavetoexpectit。Ittakesalottomakemetrustanybody，inwardly。SoperhapsI’mafraudtoo。I
　　mistrust。Andtendernessisnottobemistaken。’
　　Shelookedathim。
　　`Youdon’tmistrustwithyourbody，whenyourbloodcomesup，’shesaid。
　　`Youdon’tmistrustthen，doyou？’
　　`No，alas!That’showI’vegotintoallthetrouble。Andthat’swhymymindmistrustssothoroughly。’
　　`Letyourmindmistrust。Whatdoesitmatter!’
　　Thedogsighedwithdiscomfortonthemat。Theash-cloggedfiresank。
　　`Weareacoupleofbatteredwarriors，’saidConnie。
　　`Areyoubatteredtoo？’helaughed。`Andherewearereturningtothefray!’
　　`Yes!Ifeelreallyfrightened。’
　　`Ay!’
　　Hegotup，andputhershoestodry，andwipedhisownandsetthemnearthefire。Inthemorninghewouldgreasethem。Hepokedtheashofpasteboardasmuchaspossibleoutofthefire。`Evenburnt，it’sfilthy，’
　　hesaid。Thenhebroughtsticksandputthemonthehobforthemorning。
　　Thenhewentoutawhilewiththedog。
　　Whenhecameback，Conniesaid：
　　`Iwanttogoouttoo，foraminute。’
　　Shewentaloneintothedarkness。Therewerestarsoverhead。Shecouldsmellflowersonthenightair。Andshecouldfeelherwetshoesgettingwetteragain。Butshefeltlikegoingaway，rightawayfromhimandeverybody。
　　Itwaschilly。Sheshuddered，andreturnedtothehouse。Hewassittinginfrontofthelowfire。
　　`Ugh!Cold!’sheshuddered。
　　Heputthesticksonthefire，andfetchedmore，tilltheyhadagoodcracklingchimneyfulofblaze。Theripplingrunningyellowflamemadethembothhappy，warmedtheirfacesandtheirsouls。
　　`Nevermind!’shesaid，takinghishandashesatsilentandremote。
　　`Onedoesone’sbest。’
　　`Ay!’Hesighed，withatwistofasmile。
　　Sheslippedovertohim，andintohisarms，ashesattherebeforethefire。
　　`Forgetthen!’shewhispered。`Forget!’
　　Heheldherclose，intherunningwarmthofthefire。Theflameitselfwaslikeaforgetting。Andhersoft，warm，ripeweight!Slowlyhisbloodturned，andbegantoebbbackintostrengthandrecklessvigouragain。
　　`Andperhapsthewomenreallywantedtobethereandloveyouproperly，onlyperhapstheycouldn’t。Perhapsitwasn’talltheirfault，’
　　shesaid。
　　`Iknowit。DoyouthinkIdon’tknowwhatabroken-backedsnakethat’sbeentroddenonIwasmyself!’
　　Sheclungtohimsuddenly。Shehadnotwantedtostartallthisagain。
　　Yetsomeperversityhadmadeher。
　　`Butyou’renotnow，’shesaid。`You’renotthatnow：abroken-backedsnakethat’sbeentroddenon。’
　　`Idon’tknowwhatIam。There’sblackdaysahead。’
　　`No!’sheprotested，clingingtohim。`Why？Why？’
　　`There’sblackdayscomingforusallandforeverybody，’herepeatedwithapropheticgloom。
　　`No!You’renottosayit!’
　　Hewassilent。Butshecouldfeeltheblackvoidofdespairinsidehim。
　　Thatwasthedeathofalldesire，thedeathofalllove：thisdespairthatwaslikethedarkcaveinsidethemen，inwhichtheirspiritwaslost。
　　`Andyoutalksocoldlyaboutsex，’shesaid。`Youtalkasifyouhadonlywantedyourownpleasureandsatisfaction。’
　　Shewasprotestingnervouslyagainsthim。
　　`Nay!’hesaid。`Iwantedtohavemypleasureandsatisfactionofawoman，andInevergotit：becauseIcouldnevergetmypleasureandsatisfactionofherunlessshegothersofmeatthesametime。Anditneverhappened。Ittakestwo。’
　　`Butyouneverbelievedinyourwomen。Youdon’tevenbelievereallyinme，’shesaid。
　　`Idon’tknowwhatbelievinginawomanmeans。’
　　`That’sit，yousee!’
　　Shestillwascurledonhislap。Buthisspiritwasgreyandabsent，hewasnotthereforher。Andeverythingshesaiddrovehimfurther。
　　`Butwhatdoyoubelievein？’sheinsisted。
　　`Idon’tknow。’
　　`Nothing，likeallthemenI’veeverknown，’shesaid。
　　Theywerebothsilent。Thenherousedhimselfandsaid：
　　`Yes，Idobelieveinsomething。Ibelieveinbeingwarmhearted。Ibelieveespeciallyinbeingwarm-heartedinlove，infuckingwithawarmheart。
　　Ibelieveifmencouldfuckwithwarmhearts，andthewomentakeitwarm-heartedly，everythingwouldcomeallright。It’sallthiscold-heartedfuckingthatisdeathandidiocy。’
　　`Butyoudon’tfuckmecold-heartedly，’sheprotested。
　　`Idon’twanttofuckyouatall。Myheart’sascoldascoldpotatoesjustnow。’
　　`Oh!’shesaid，kissinghimmockingly。`Let’shavethemsauté；es。’
　　Helaughed，andsaterect。
　　`It’safact!’hesaid。`Anythingforabitofwarm-heartedness。Butthewomendon’tlikeit。Evenyoudon’treallylikeit。Youlikegood，sharp，piercingcold-heartedfucking，andthenpretendingit’sallsugar。
　　Where’syourtendernessforme？You’reassuspiciousofmeasacatisofadog。Itellyouittakestwoeventobetenderandwarm-hearted。Youlovefuckingallright：butyouwantittobecalledsomethinggrandandmysterious，justtoflatteryourownself-importance。Yourownself-importanceismoretoyou，fiftytimesmore，thananyman，orbeingtogetherwithaman。’
　　`Butthat’swhatI’dsayofyou。Yourownself-importanceiseverythingtoyou。’
　　`Ay!Verywellthen!’hesaid，movingasifhewantedtorise。`Let’skeepapartthen。I’dratherdiethandoanymorecold-heartedfucking。’
　　Sheslidawayfromhim，andhestoodup。
　　`AnddoyouthinkIwantit？’shesaid。
　　`Ihopeyoudon’t，’hereplied。`Butanyhow，yougotobedan’I’llsleepdownhere。’
　　Shelookedathim。Hewaspale，hisbrowsweresullen，hewasasdistantinrecoilasthecoldpole。Menwereallalike。
　　`Ican’tgohometillmorning，’shesaid。
　　`No!Gotobed。It’saquartertoone。’
　　`Icertainlywon’t，’shesaid。
　　Hewentacrossandpickeduphisboots。
　　`ThenI’llgoout!’hesaid。
　　Hebegantoputonhisboots。Shestaredathim。