`Idoubtyoucan’t,’herepliedeasily。
Theytrampedinridiculousfiledownthelaneagain,insilence。Anowlstillhooted。Heknewheoughttoshootit。
Thecarstooduntouched,alittledewy。Hildagotinandstartedtheengine。Theothertwowaited。
`AllImean,’shesaidfromherentrenchment,`isthatIdoubtifyou’llfindit’sbeenworthit,eitherofyou!’
`Oneman’smeatisanotherman’spoison,’hesaid,outofthedarkness。
`Butit’smeatan’drinktome。
Thelightsflaredout。
`Don’tmakemewaitinthemorning,’
`No,Iwon’t。Goodnight!’
Thecarroseslowlyontothehighroad,thenslidswiftlyaway,leavingthenightsilent。
Connietimidlytookhisarm,andtheywentdownthelane。Hedidnotspeak。Atlengthshedrewhimtoastandstill。
`Kissme!’shemurmured。
`Nay,waitabit!Letmesimmerdown,’hesaid。
Thatamusedher。Shestillkeptholdofhisarm,andtheywentquicklydownthelane,insilence。Shewassogladtobewithhim,justnow。Sheshivered,knowingthatHildamighthavesnatchedheraway。Hewasinscrutablysilent。
Whentheywereinthecottageagain,shealmostjumpedwithpleasure,thatsheshouldbefreeofhersister。
`ButyouwerehorridtoHilda,’shesaidtohim。
`Sheshouldha’beenslappedintime。’
`Butwhy?andshe’ssonice。’
Hedidn’tanswer,wentrounddoingtheeveningchores,withaquiet,inevitablesortofmotion。Hewasoutwardlyangry,butnotwithher。SoConniefelt。Andhisangergavehimapeculiarhandsomeness,aninwardnessandglistenthatthrilledherandmadeherlimbsgomolten。
Stillhetooknonoticeofher。
Tillhesatdownandbegantounlacehisboots。Thenhelookedupatherfromunderhisbrows,onwhichtheangerstillsatfirm。
`Shan’tyougoup?’hesaid。`There’sacandle!’
Hejerkedhisheadswiftlytoindicatethecandleburningonthetable。
Shetookitobediently,andhewatchedthefullcurveofherhipsasshewentupthefirststairs。
Itwasanightofsensualpassion,inwhichshewasalittlestartledandalmostunwilling:yetpiercedagainwithpiercingthrillsofsensuality,different,sharper,moreterriblethanthethrillsoftenderness,but,atthemoment,moredesirable。Thoughalittlefrightened,shelethimhavehisway,andthereckless,shamelesssensualityshookhertoherfoundations,strippedhertotheverylast,andmadeadifferentwomanofher。Itwasnotreallylove。Itwasnotvoluptuousness。Itwassensualitysharpandsearingasfire,burningthesoultotinder。
Burningouttheshames,thedeepest,oldestshames,inthemostsecretplaces。Itcostheranefforttolethimhavehiswayandhiswillofher。
Shehadtobeapassive,consentingthing,likeaslave,aphysicalslave。
Yetthepassionlickedroundher,consuming,andwhenthesensualflameofitpressedthroughherbowelsandbreast,shereallythoughtshewasdying:yetapoignant,marvellousdeath。
ShehadoftenwonderedwhatAbé;lardmeant,whenhesaidthatintheiryearofloveheandHé;loï;sehadpassedthroughallthestagesandrefinementsofpassion。Thesamething,athousandyearsago:tenthousandyearsago!ThesameontheGreekvases,everywhere!Therefinementsofpassion,theextravagancesofsensuality!Andnecessary,forevernecessary,toburnoutfalseshamesandsmeltouttheheaviestoreofthebodyintopurity。Withthefireofsheersensuality。
Intheshortsummernightshelearntsomuch。Shewouldhavethoughtawomanwouldhavediedofshame。Insteadofwhich,theshamedied。Shame,whichisfear:thedeepOrganicshame,theold,oldphysicalfearwhichcrouchesinthebodilyrootsofus,andcanonlybechasedawaybythesensualfire,atlastitwasrousedupandroutedbythephallichuntoftheman,andshecametotheveryheartofthejungleofherself。Shefelt,now,shehadcometotherealbed-rockofhernature,andwasessentiallyshameless。Shewashersensualself,nakedandunashamed。Shefeltatriumph,almostavainglory。So!Thatwashowitwas!Thatwaslife!Thatwashowoneselfreallywas!Therewasnothinglefttodisguiseorbeashamedof。
Shesharedherultimatenakednesswithaman,anotherbeing。
Andwhatarecklessdevilthemanwas!reallylikeadevil!Onehadtobestrongtobearhim。Butittooksomegettingat,thecoreofthephysicaljungle,thelastanddeepestrecessoforganicshame。Thephallosalonecouldexploreit。Andhowhehadpressedinonher!
Andhow,infear,shehadhatedit。Buthowshehadreallywantedit!
Sheknewnow。Atthebottomofhersoul,fundamentally,shehadneededthisphallichuntingOut,shehadsecretlywantedit,andshehadbelievedthatshewouldnevergetit。Nowsuddenlythereitwas,andamanwassharingherlastandfinalnakedness,shewasshameless。
Whatliarspoetsandeverybodywere!Theymadeonethinkonewantedsentiment。Whenwhatonesupremelywantedwasthispiercing,consuming,ratherawfulsensuality。Tofindamanwhodareddoit,withoutshameorsinorfinalmisgiving!Ifhehadbeenashamedafterwards,andmadeonefeelashamed,howawful!Whatapitymostmenaresodoggy,abitshameful,likeClifford!LikeMichaeliseven!Bothsensuallyabitdoggyandhumiliating。
Thesupremepleasureofthemind!Andwhatisthattoawoman?Whatisit,really,tothemaneither!Hebecomesmerelymessyanddoggy,eveninhismind。Itneedssheersensualityeventopurifyandquickenthemind。
Sheerfierysensuality,notmessiness。
Ah,God,howrareathingamanis!Theyarealldogsthattrotandsniffandcopulate。Tohavefoundamanwhowasnotafraidandnotashamed!
Shelookedathimnow,sleepingsolikeawildanimalasleep,gone,goneintheremotenessofit。Shenestleddown,nottobeawayfromhim。
Tillhisrousingwakedhercompletely。Hewassittingupinbed,lookingdownather。Shesawherownnakednessinhiseyes,immediateknowledgeofher。Andthefluid,maleknowledgeofherselfseemedtoflowtoherfromhiseyesandwraphervoluptuously。Oh,howvoluptuousandlovelyitwastohavelimbsandbodyhalf-asleep,heavyandsuffusedwithpassion。
`Isittimetowakeup?’shesaid。
`Halfpastsix。’
Shehadtobeatthelane-endateight。Always,always,alwaysthiscompulsiononone!
`Imightmakethebreakfastandbringituphere;shouldI?’hesaid。
`Ohyes!’
Flossiewhimperedgentlybelow。Hegotupandthrewoffhispyjamas,andrubbedhimselfwithatowel。Whenthehumanbeingisfullofcourageandfulloflife,howbeautifulitis!Soshethought,asshewatchedhiminsilence。
`Drawthecurtain,willyou?’
Thesunwasshiningalreadyonthetendergreenleavesofmorning,andthewoodstoodbluey-fresh,inthenearness。Shesatupinbed,lookingdreamilyoutthroughthedormerwindow,hernakedarmspushinghernakedbreaststogether。Hewasdressinghimself。Shewashalf-dreamingoflife,alifetogetherwithhim:justalife。
Hewasgoing,fleeingfromherdangerous,crouchingnakedness。
`HaveIlostmynightiealtogether?’shesaid。
Hepushedhishanddowninthebed,andpulledoutthebitofflimsysilk。
`IknowedIfeltsilkatmyankles,’hesaid。
Butthenight-dresswasslitalmostintwo。
`Nevermind!’shesaid。`Itbelongshere,really。I’llleaveit。’
`Ay,leaveit,Icanputitbetweenmylegsatnight,forcompany。There’snonamenormarkonit,isthere?’
Sheslippedonthetornthing,andsatdreamilylookingoutofthewindow。
ThewindowwasOpen,theairofmorningdriftedin,andthesoundofbirds。
Birdsflewcontinuouslypast。ThenshesawFlossieroamingout。Itwasmorning。
Downstairssheheardhimmakingthefire,pumpingwater,goingoutatthebackdoor。Byandbycamethesmellofbacon,andatlengthhecameupstairswithahugeblacktraythatwouldonlyjustgothroughthedoor。
Hesetthetrayonthebed,andpouredoutthetea。Conniesquattedinhertornnightdress,andfellonherfoodhungrily。Hesatontheonechair,withhisplateonhisknees。
`Howgooditis!’shesaid。`Hownicetohavebreakfasttogether。’
Heateinsilence,hismindonthetimethatwasquicklypassing。Thatmadeherremember。
`Oh,howIwishIcouldstayherewithyou,andWragbywereamillionmilesaway!It’sWragbyI’mgoingawayfromreally。Youknowthat,don’tyou?’
`Ay!’
`Andyoupromisewewilllivetogetherandhavealifetogether,youandme!Youpromiseme,don’tyou?’
`Ay!Whenwecan。’
`Yes!Andwewill!wewill,won’twe?’sheleanedover,makingtheteaspill,catchinghiswrist。
`Ay!’hesaid,tidyingupthetea。
`Wecan’tpossiblynotlivetogethernow,canwe?’shesaidappealingly。
Helookedupatherwithhisflickeringgrin。
`No!’hesaid。`Onlyyou’vegottostartintwenty-fiveminutes。’
`HaveI?’shecried。Suddenlyheheldupawarningfinger,androsetohisfeet。
Flossiehadgivenashortbark,thenthreeloudsharpyapsofwarning。
Silent,heputhisplateonthetrayandwentdownstairs。Constanceheardhimgodownthegardenpath。Abicyclebelltinkledoutsidethere。
`Morning,MrMellors!Registeredletter!’
`Ohay!Gotapencil?’
`Herey’are!’
Therewasapause。
`Canada!’saidthestranger’svoice。
`Ay!That’samateo’mineoutthereinBritishColumbia。Dunnowhathe’sgottoregister。’
`’Appensenty’afortune,like。’
`Morelikewantssummat。’
Pause。
`Well!Lovelydayagain!’
`Ay!’
`Morning!’
`Morning!’
Afteratimehecameupstairsagain,lookingalittleangry。
`Postman,’hesaid。
`Veryearly!’shereplied。
`Ruralround;he’smostlyherebyseven,whenhedoescome。
`Didyourmatesendyouafortune?’
`No!OnlysomephotographsandpapersaboutaplaceoutthereinBritishColumbia。’
`Wouldyougothere?’
`Ithoughtperhapswemight。’
`Ohyes!Ibelieveit’slovely!’Buthewasputoutbythepostman’scoming。
`Themdamnbikes,they’reonyouaforeyouknowwhereyouare。Ihopehetwiggednothing。’
`Afterall,whatcouldhetwig!’
`Youmustgetupnow,andgetready。I’mjustgoin’terlookroundoutside。’
Shesawhimgoreconnoitringintothelane,withdogandgun。Shewentdownstairsandwashed,andwasreadybythetimehecameback,withthefewthingsinthelittlesilkbag。
Helockedup,andtheysetoff,butthroughthewood,notdownthelane。
Hewasbeingwary。
`Don’tyouthinkonelivesfortimeslikelastnight?’shesaidtohim。
`Ay!Butthere’stheresto’timestothinkon,’hereplied,rathershort。
Theyploddedondowntheovergrownpath,heinfront,insilence。
`Andwewilllivetogetherandmakealifetogether,won’twe?’
shepleaded。
`Ay!’hereplied,stridingonwithoutlookinground。`Whent’timecomes!
Justnowyou’reofftoVeniceorsomewhere。’
Shefollowedhimdumbly,withsinkingheart。Oh,nowshewaswaetogo!
Atlasthestopped。
`I’lljuststrikeacrosshere,’hesaid,pointingtotheright。
Butsheflungherarmsroundhisneck,andclungtohim。
`Butyou’llkeepthetendernessforme,won’tyou?’shewhispered。`I
lovedlastnight。Butyou’llkeepthetendernessforme,won’tyou?’
Hekissedherandheldhercloseforamoment。Thenhesighed,andkissedheragain。
`Imustgoan’lookifth’car’sthere。’
Hestrodeoverthelowbramblesandbracken,leavingatrailthroughthefern。Foraminuteortwohewasgone。Thenhecamestridingback。
`Car’snotthereyet,’hesaid。`Butthere’sthebaker’scartont’
road。’
Heseemedanxiousandtroubled。
`Hark!’
Theyheardacarsoftlyhootasitcamenearer。Itsloweduponthebridge。
Sheplungedwithuttermournfulnessinhistrackthroughthefern,andcametoahugehollyhedge。Hewasjustbehindher。
`Here!Gothroughthere!’hesaid,pointingtoagap。`Ishan’tcomeout。
Shelookedathimindespair。Buthekissedherandmadehergo。Shecreptinsheermiserythroughthehollyandthroughthewoodenfence,stumbleddownthelittleditchandupintothelane,whereHildawasjustgettingoutofthecarinvexation。
`Whyyou’rethere!’saidHilda。`Where’she?’
`He’snotcoming。’
Connie’sfacewasrunningwithtearsasshegotintothecarwithherlittlebag。Hildasnatchedupthemotoringhelmetwiththedisfiguringgoggles。
`Putiton!’shesaid。AndConniepulledonthedisguise,thenthelongmotoringcoat,andshesatdown,agogglinginhuman,unrecognizablecreature。
Hildastartedthecarwithabusinesslikemotion。Theyheavedoutofthelane,andwereawaydowntheroad。Conniehadlookedround,buttherewasnosightofhim。Away!Away!Shesatinbittertears。Thepartinghadcomesosuddenly,sounexpectedly。Itwaslikedeath。
`Thankgoodnessyou’llbeawayfromhimforsometime!’saidHilda,turningtoavoidCrosshillvillage。