Shewaswatchingabrownspanielthathadrunoutofaside-path,andwaslookingtowardsthemwithliftednose,makingasoft,fluffybark。
Amanwithagunstrodeswiftly,softlyoutafterthedog,facingtheirwayasifabouttoattackthem;thenstoppedinstead,saluted,andwasturningdownhill。Itwasonlythenewgame-keeper,buthehadfrightenedConnie,heseemedtoemergewithsuchaswiftmenace。Thatwashowshehadseenhim,likethesuddenrushofathreatoutofnowhere。
Hewasamanindarkgreenvelveteensandgaiters……theoldstyle,witharedfaceandredmoustacheanddistanteyes。Hewasgoingquicklydownhill。
`Mellors!’calledClifford。
Themanfacedlightlyround,andsalutedwithaquicklittlegesture,asoldier!
`Willyouturnthechairroundandgetitstarted?Thatmakesiteasier,’
saidClifford。
Themanatonceslunghisgunoverhisshoulder,andcameforwardwiththesamecuriousswift,yetsoftmovements,asifkeepinginvisible。Hewasmoderatelytallandlean,andwassilent。HedidnotlookatConnieatall,onlyatthechair。
`Connie,thisisthenewgame-keeper,Mellors。Youhaven’tspokentoherladyshipyet,Mellors?’
`No,Sir!’cametheready,neutralwords。
Themanliftedhishatashestood,showinghisthick,almostfairhair。
HestaredstraightintoConnie’seyes,withaperfect,fearless,impersonallook,asifhewantedtoseewhatshewaslike。Hemadeherfeelshy。Shebentherheadtohimshyly,andhechangedhishattohislefthandandmadeheraslightbow,likeagentleman;buthesaidnothingatall。Heremainedforamomentstill,withhishatinhishand。
`Butyou’vebeenheresometime,haven’tyou?’Conniesaidtohim。
`Eightmonths,Madam……yourLadyship!’hecorrectedhimselfcalmly。
`Anddoyoulikeit?’
Shelookedhimintheeyes。Hiseyesnarrowedalittle,withirony,perhapswithimpudence。
`Why,yes,thankyou,yourLadyship!Iwasrearedhere……’
Hegaveanotherslightbow,turned,puthishaton,andstrodetotakeholdofthechair。Hisvoiceonthelastwordshadfallenintotheheavybroaddragofthedialect……perhapsalsoinmockery,becausetherehadbeennotraceofdialectbefore。Hemightalmostbeagentleman。Anyhow,hewasacurious,quick,separatefellow,alone,butsureofhimself。
Cliffordstartedthelittleengine,themancarefullyturnedthechair,andsetitnose-forwardstotheinclinethatcurvedgentlytothedarkhazelthicket。
`Isthatallthen,SirClifford?’askedtheman。
`No,you’dbettercomealongincaseshesticks。Theengineisn’treallystrongenoughfortheuphillwork。’Themanglancedroundforhisdog……athoughtfulglance。Thespaniellookedathimandfaintlymoveditstail。
Alittlesmile,mockingorteasingher,yetgentle,cameintohiseyesforamoment,thenfadedaway,andhisfacewasexpressionless。Theywentfairlyquicklydowntheslope,themanwithhishandontherailofthechair,steadyingit。Helookedlikeafreesoldierratherthanaservant。
AndsomethingabouthimremindedConnieofTommyDukes。
Whentheycametothehazelgrove,Conniesuddenlyranforward,andopenedthegateintothepark。Asshestoodholdingit,thetwomenlookedatherinpassing,Cliffordcritically,theothermanwithacurious,coolwonder;impersonallywantingtoseewhatshelookedlike。Andshesawinhisblue,impersonaleyesalookofsufferinganddetachment,yetacertainwarmth。Butwhywashesoaloof,apart?
Cliffordstoppedthechair,oncethroughthegate,andthemancamequickly,courteously,tocloseit。
`Whydidyouruntoopen?’askedCliffordinhisquiet,calmvoice,thatshowedhewasdispleased。`Mellorswouldhavedoneit。’
`Ithoughtyouwouldgostraightahead,’saidConnie。`Andleaveyoutorunafterus?’saidClifford。
`Oh,well,Iliketorunsometimes!’
Mellorstookthechairagain,lookingperfectlyunheeding,yetConniefelthenotedeverything。Ashepushedthechairupthesteepishriseoftheknollinthepark,hebreathedratherquickly,throughpartedlips。
Hewasratherfrailreally。Curiouslyfullofvitality,butalittlefrailandquenched。Herwoman’sinstinctsensedit。
Conniefellback,letthechairgoon。Thedayhadgreyedover;thesmallblueskythathadpoisedlowonitscircularrimsofhazewasclosedinagain,thelidwasdown,therewasarawcoldness。Itwasgoingtosnow。
Allgrey,allgrey!theworldlookedwornout。
Thechairwaitedatthetopofthepinkpath。CliffordlookedroundforConnie。
`Nottired,areyou?’hesaid。
`Oh,no!’shesaid。
Butshewas。Astrange,wearyyearning,adissatisfactionhadstartedinher。Clifforddidnotnotice:thosewerenotthingshewasawareof。
Butthestrangerknew。ToConnie,everythinginherworldandlifeseemedwornout,andherdissatisfactionwasolderthanthehills。
Theycametothehouse,andaroundtotheback,wheretherewerenosteps。Cliffordmanagedtoswinghimselfoverontothelow,wheeledhouse-chair;
hewasverystrongandagilewithhisarms。ThenConnieliftedtheburdenofhisdeadlegsafterhim。
Thekeeper,waitingatattentiontobedismissed,watchedeverythingnarrowly,missingnothing。Hewentpale,withasortoffear,whenhesawConnieliftingtheinertlegsofthemaninherarms,intotheotherchair,Cliffordpivotingroundasshedidso。Hewasfrightened。
`Thanks,then,forthehelp,Mellors,’saidCliffordcasually,ashebegantowheeldownthepassagetotheservants’quarters。
`Nothingelse,Sir?’cametheneutralvoice,likeoneinadream。
`Nothing,goodmorning!’
`Goodmorning,Sir。’
`Goodmorning!itwaskindofyoutopushthechairupthathill……I
hopeitwasn’theavyforyou,’saidConnie,lookingbackatthekeeperoutsidethedoor。
Hiseyescametohersinaninstant,asifwakenedup。Hewasawareofher。
`Ohno,notheavy!’hesaidquickly。Thenhisvoicedroppedagainintothebroadsoundofthevernacular:`Goodmornin’toyourLadyship!’
`Whoisyourgame-keeper?’Connieaskedatlunch。
`Mellors!Yousawhim,’saidClifford。
`Yes,butwheredidhecomefrom?’
`Nowhere!HewasaTevershallboy……sonofacollier,Ibelieve。’
`Andwasheacollierhimself?’
`Blacksmithonthepit-bank,Ibelieve:overheadsmith。Buthewaskeeperherefortwoyearsbeforethewar……beforehejoinedup。MyfatheralwayshadagoodOpinionofhim,sowhenhecameback,andwenttothepitforablacksmith’sjob,Ijusttookhimbackhereaskeeper。Iwasreallyverygladtogethim……itsalmostimpossibletofindagoodmanroundhereforagamekeeper……anditneedsamanwhoknowsthepeople。’
`Andisn’themarried?’
`Hewas。Buthiswifewentoffwith……withvariousmen……butfinallywithacollieratStacksGate,andIbelieveshe’slivingtherestill。’
`Sothismanisalone?’
`Moreorless!Hehasamotherinthevillage……andachild,Ibelieve。’
CliffordlookedatConnie,withhispale,slightlyprominentblueeyes,inwhichacertainvaguenesswascoming。Heseemedalertintheforeground,butthebackgroundwasliketheMidlandsatmosphere,haze,smokymist。
Andthehazeseemedtobecreepingforward。SowhenhestaredatConnieinhispeculiarway,givingherhispeculiar,preciseinformation,shefeltallthebackgroundofhismindfillingupwithmist,withnothingness。
Anditfrightenedher。Itmadehimseemimpersonal,almosttoidiocy。
Anddimlysherealizedoneofthegreatlawsofthehumansoul:thatwhentheemotionalsoulreceivesawoundingshock,whichdoesnotkillthebody,thesoulseemstorecoverasthebodyrecovers。Butthisisonlyappearance。Itisreallyonlythemechanismofthere-assumedhabit。Slowly,slowlythewoundtothesoulbeginstomakeitselffelt,likeabruise,whichOnlyslowlydeepensitsterribleache,tillitfillsallthepsyche。
Andwhenwethinkwehaverecoveredandforgotten,itisthenthattheterribleafter-effectshavetobeencounteredattheirworst。
SoitwaswithClifford。Oncehewas`well’,oncehewasbackatWragby,andwritinghisstories,andfeelingsureoflife,inspiteofall,heseemedtoforget,andtohaverecoveredallhisequanimity。Butnow,astheyearswentby,slowly,slowly,Conniefeltthebruiseoffearandhorrorcomingup,andspreadinginhim。Foratimeithadbeensodeepastobenumb,asitwerenon-existent。Nowslowlyitbegantoassertitselfinaspreadoffear,almostparalysis。Mentallyhestillwasalert。Buttheparalysis,thebruiseofthetoo-greatshock,wasgraduallyspreadinginhisaffectiveself。
Andasitspreadinhim,Conniefeltitspreadinher。Aninwarddread,anemptiness,anindifferencetoeverythinggraduallyspreadinhersoul。
WhenCliffordwasroused,hecouldstilltalkbrilliantlyand,asitwere,commandthefuture:aswhen,inthewood,hetalkedaboutherhavingachild,andgivinganheirtoWragby。Butthedayafter,allthebrilliantwordsseemedlikedeadleaves,crumplingupandturningtopowder,meaningreallynothing,blownawayonanygustofwind。Theywerenottheleafywordsofaneffectivelife,youngwithenergyandbelongingtothetree。
Theywerethehostsoffallenleavesofalifethatisineffectual。
Soitseemedtohereverywhere。ThecolliersatTevershallweretalkingagainofastrike,anditseemedtoConniethereagainitwasnotamanifestationofenergy,itwasthebruiseofthewarthathadbeeninabeyance,slowlyrisingtothesurfaceandcreatingthegreatacheofunrest,andstuporofdiscontent。Thebruisewasdeep,deep,deep……thebruiseofthefalseinhumanwar。Itwouldtakemanyyearsforthelivingbloodofthegenerationstodissolvethevastblackclotofbruisedblood,deepinsidetheirsoulsandbodies。Anditwouldneedanewhope。
PoorConnie!AstheyearsdrewonitwasthefearofnothingnessInherlifethataffectedher。Clifford’smentallifeandhersgraduallybegantofeellikenothingness。Theirmarriage,theirintegratedlifebasedonahabitofintimacy,thathetalkedabout:thereweredayswhenitallbecameutterlyblankandnothing。Itwaswords,justsomanywords。Theonlyrealitywasnothingness,andoveritahypocrisyofwords。
TherewasClifford’ssuccess:thebitch-goddess!Itwastruehewasalmostfamous,andhisbooksbroughthiminathousandpounds。Hisphotographappearedeverywhere。Therewasabustofhiminoneofthegalleries,andaportraitofhimintwogalleries。Heseemedthemostmodernofmodernvoices。Withhisuncannylameinstinctforpublicity,hehadbecomeinfourorfiveyearsoneofthebestknownoftheyoung`intellectuals’。
Wheretheintellectcamein,Conniedidnotquitesee。Cliffordwasreallycleveratthatslightlyhumorousanalysisofpeopleandmotiveswhichleaveseverythinginbitsattheend。Butitwasratherlikepuppiestearingthesofacushionstobits;exceptthatitwasnotyoungandplayful,butcuriouslyold,andratherobstinatelyconceited。Itwasweirdanditwasnothing。
Thiswasthefeelingthatechoedandre-echoedatthebottomofConnie’ssoul:itwasallflag,awonderfuldisplayofnothingness;Atthesametimeadisplay。Adisplay!adisplay!adisplay!
MichaelishadseizeduponCliffordasthecentralfigureforaplay;
alreadyhehadsketchedintheplot,andwrittenthefirstact。ForMichaeliswasevenbetterthanCliffordatmakingadisplayofnothingness。Itwasthelastbitofpassionleftinthesemen:thepassionformakingadisplay。
Sexuallytheywerepassionless,evendead。AndnowitwasnotmoneythatMichaeliswasafter。Cliffordhadneverbeenprimarilyoutformoney,thoughhemadeitwherehecould,formoneyisthesealandstampofsuccess。
Andsuccesswaswhattheywanted。Theywanted,bothofthem,tomakearealdisplay……aman’sownverydisplayofhimselfthatshouldcaptureforatimethevastpopulace。
Itwasstrange……theprostitutiontothebitch-goddess。ToConnie,sinceshewasreallyoutsideofit,andsinceshehadgrownnumbtothethrillofit,itwasagainnothingness。Eventheprostitutiontothebitch-goddesswasnothingness,thoughthemenprostitutedthemselvesinnumerabletimes。
Nothingnesseventhat。
MichaeliswrotetoCliffordabouttheplay。Ofcoursesheknewaboutitlongago。AndCliffordwasagainthrilled。Hewasgoingtobedisplayedagainthistime,somebodywasgoingtodisplayhim,andtoadvantage。HeinvitedMichaelisdowntoWragbywithActI。
Michaeliscame:insummer,inapale-colouredsuitandwhitesuedegloves,withmauveorchidsforConnie,verylovely,andActIwasagreatsuccess。
EvenConniewasthrilled……thrilledtowhatbitofmarrowshehadleft。
AndMichaelis,thrilledbyhispowertothrill,wasreallywonderful……andquitebeautiful,inConnie’seyes。Shesawinhimthatancientmotionlessnessofaracethatcan’tbedisillusionedanymore,anextreme,perhaps,ofimpuritythatispure。Onthefarsideofhissupremeprostitutiontothebitch-goddessheseemedpure,pureasanAfricanivorymaskthatdreamsimpurityintopurity,initsivorycurvesandplanes。
HismomentofsheerthrillwiththetwoChatterleys,whenhesimplycarriedConnieandCliffordaway,wasoneofthesuprememomentsofMichaelis’
life。Hehadsucceeded:hehadcarriedthemaway。EvenCliffordwastemporarilyinlovewithhim……ifthatisthewayonecanputit。
SonextmorningMickwasmoreuneasythanever;restless,devoured,withhishandsrestlessinhistrouserspockets。Conniehadnotvisitedhiminthenight……andhehadnotknownwheretofindher。Coquetry!……athismomentoftriumph。
Hewentuptohersitting-roominthemorning。Sheknewhewouldcome。
Andhisrestlessnesswasevident。Heaskedherabouthisplay……didshethinkitgood?Hehadtohearitpraised:thataffectedhimwiththelastthinthrillofpassionbeyondanysexualorgasm。Andshepraiseditrapturously。
Yetallthewhile,atthebottomofhersoul,sheknewitwasnothing。
`Lookhere!’hesaidsuddenlyatlast。`Whydon’tyouandImakeacleanthingofit?Whydon’twemarry?’
`ButIammarried,’shesaid,amazed,andyetfeelingnothing。
`Ohthat!……he’lldivorceyouallright……Whydon’tyouandImarry?
Iwanttomarry。Iknowitwouldbethebestthingforme……marryandleadaregularlife。Ileadthedeuceofalife,simplytearingmyselftopieces。
Lookhere,youandI,we’remadeforoneanother……handandglove。Whydon’twemarry?Doyouseeanyreasonwhyweshouldn’t?’
Connielookedathimamazed:andyetshefeltnothing。Thesemen,theywereallalike,theylefteverythingout。Theyjustwentofffromthetopoftheirheadsasiftheyweresquibs,andexpectedyoutobecarriedheavenwardsalongwiththeirownthinsticks。