amalmostsureIshouldhavetheadvantage，for，asyouveryproperlyobserved，“Youthwillbeserved。“’’Oh，Ididn’tmeantofight，’saidthelandlord；’IthinkIcouldbeatyouifIweretotrainalittle；butinthefightIproposeIlooksmoretothemainchancethananythingelse。IquestionwhetherhalfsomanypeoplecouldbebroughttogetherifyouweretofightwithmeasthepersonIhaveinview，orwhethertherewouldbehalfsuchopportunitiesforbetting，forIamaman，doyousee；thepersonI
　　wantsyoutofightwithisnotaman，buttheyoungwomanyoukeepscompanywith。’
　　’TheyoungwomanIkeepcompanywith，’saidI；’praywhatdoyoumean？’
　　’Wewillgointothebar，andhavesomething，’saidthelandlord，gettingup。’Mynieceisout，andthereisnooneinthehouse，sowecantalkthematteroverquietly。’ThereuponIfollowedhimintothebar，where，havingdrawnmeajugofale，helpedhimselfasusualtoaglassofsherry，andlightedacigar，heproceededtoexplainhimselffurther。’WhatIwantsistogetupafightbetweenamanandawoman；thereneverhasyetbeensuchathinginthering，andthemerenoiseofthematterwouldbringthousandsofpeopletogether，quiteenoughtodrinkout，forthethingshouldbeclosetomyhouse，allthebrewer’sstockofliquids，bothgoodandbad。’’But，’saidI，’youweretheotherdayboastingoftherespectabilityofyourhouse；doyouthinkthatafightbetweenamanandawomanclosetoyourestablishmentwouldaddtoitsrespectability？’’Confoundtherespectabilityofmyhouse，’saidthelandlord；’willtherespectabilityofmyhousepaythebrewer，orkeeptheroofovermyhead？No，no!whenrespectabilitywon’tkeepaman，doyousee，thebestthingistoletitgoandwander。
　　Onlyletmehavemyownway，andboththebrewer，myself，andeveryoneofus，willbesatisfied。Andthenthebetting-whatadealwemaymakebythebetting-andthatweshallhavealltoourselves，you，I，andtheyoungwoman；thebrewerwillhavenohandinthat。Icanmanagetoraisetenpounds，andifbyflashingthataboutIdon’tmanagetomakeahundred，callmehorse。’’Butsuppose，’saidI，’thepartyshouldlose，onwhomyousportyourmoney，evenasthebirdsdid？’’Wemustfirstmakeallright，’
　　saidthelandlord，’asItoldyoubefore；thebirdswereirrationalbeings，andthereforecouldn’tcometoanunderstandingwiththeothers，asyouandtheyoungwomancan。Thebirdsfoughtfair；butIintendthatyouandtheyoungwomanshouldfightcross。’’Whatdoyoumeanbycross？’saidI。’Come，come，’saidthelandlord，’don’tattempttogammonme；youinthering，andpretendnottoknowwhatfightingcrossis!Thatwon’tdo，myfinefellow；butasnooneisnearus，Iwillspeakout。Iintendthatyouandtheyoungwomanshouldunderstandoneanother，andagreebeforehandwhichshouldbebeat；andifyoutakemyadvice，youwilldeterminebetweenyouthattheyoungwomanshallbebeat，asIamsurethattheoddswillrunhighuponher，hercharacterasafist-womanbeingspreadfarandwide，sothatalltheflatswhothinkitwillbeallrightwillbackher，asImyselfwould，ifIthoughtitwouldbeafairthing。’’Then，’saidI，’youwouldnothaveusfightfair？’’Bynomeans，’saidthelandlord，’becausewhy？-I
　　conceivesthatacrossisacertaintytothosewhoareinit，whereasbythefairthingonemayloseallhehas。’’But，’saidI，’yousaidtheotherdaythatyoulikedthefairthing。’’Thatwasbywayofgammon，’saidthelandlord；’just，doyousee，asaParliamentcovemightsay，speechifyingfromabarreltoasetofflats，whomhemeanstosell。Come，whatdoyouthinkoftheplan？’
　　’Itisaveryingeniousone，’saidI。
　　’Ain’tit？’saidthelandlord。’Thefolksinthisneighbourhoodarebeginningtocallmeoldfool；butiftheydon’tcallmesomethingelse，whentheyseesmefriendswiththebrewer，andmoneyinmypocket，mynameisnotCatchpole。Come，drinkyourale，andgohometotheyounggentlewoman。’
　　’Iamgoing，’saidI，risingfrommyseat，afterfinishingtheremainderoftheale。
　　’Doyouthinkshe’llhaveanyobjection？’saidthelandlord。
　　’Todowhat？’saidI。
　　’Why，tofightcross。’
　　’Yes，Ido，’saidI。
　　’Butyouwilldoyourbesttopersuadeher？’
　　’No，Iwillnot，’saidI。
　　’Areyoufoolenoughtowishtofightfair？’
　　’No，’saidI，’Iamwiseenoughtowishnottofightatall。’
　　’Andhow’smybrewertobepaid？’saidthelandlord。
　　’Ireallydon’tknow，’saidI。
　　’I’llchangemyreligion，’saidthelandlord。
　　CHAPTERXCIII
　　Anothervisit-AlaMargutte-Cleverman-Napoleon’sestimate-
　　Anotherstatue。
　　ONEeveningBelleandmyselfreceivedanothervisitfromthemaninblack。Afteralittleconversationofnotmuchimportance，Iaskedhimwhetherhewouldnottakesomerefreshment，assuringhimthatI
　　wasnowinpossessionofsomeveryexcellentHollands，which，withaglass，ajugofwater，andalumpofsugar，washeartilyathisservice；heacceptedmyoffer，andBellegoingwithajugtothespring，fromwhichshewasinthehabitofprocuringwaterfortea，speedilyreturnedwithitfulloftheclear，deliciouswaterofwhichIhavealreadyspoken。Havingplacedthejugbythesideofthemaninblack，shebroughthimaglassandspoon，andatea-cup，thelattercontainingvariouslumpsofsnowy-whitesugar：inthemeantimeIhadproducedabottleofthestrongerliquid。Themaninblackhelpedhimselftosomewater，andlikewisetosomeHollands，theproportionofwaterbeingabouttwo-thirds；thenaddingalumpofsugar，hestirredthewholeup，tastedit，andsaidthatitwasgood。
　　’Thisisoneofthegoodthingsoflife，’headded，afterashortpause。
　　’Whataretheothers？’Idemanded。
　　’ThereisMalvoisiasack，’saidthemaninblack，’andpartridge，andbeccafico。’
　　’Andwhatdoyousaytohighmass？’saidI。
　　’Highmass!’saidthemaninblack；’however，’hecontinued，afterapause，’Iwillbefrankwithyou；Icametobeso；Imayhaveheardhighmassonatime，andsaidittoo；butasforanypredilectionforit，IassureyouIhavenomorethanforalongHighChurchsermon。’
　　’YouspeakalaMargutte，’saidI。
　　’Margutte!’saidthemaninblack，musingly，’Margutte!’
　　’YouhavereadPulci，Isuppose？’saidI。
　　’Yes，yes，’saidthemaninblack，laughing；’Iremember。’
　　’HemightberenderedintoEnglish，’saidI，’somethinginthisstyle：
　　’TowhichMargutteansweredwithasneer，Ilikethebluenobetterthantheblack，Myfaithconsistsaloneinsavourycheer，Inroastedcapons，andinpotentsack；
　　Butaboveall，infamousginandclear，WhichoftenlaystheBritononhisback；
　　Withlumpofsugar，andwithlymphfromwell，Idrinkit，anddefythefiendsofhell。’
　　’He!he!he!’saidthemaninblack；’thatismorethanMezzofantecouldhavedoneforastanzaofByron。’
　　’Acleverman，’saidI。
　　’Who？’saidthemaninblack。
　　’MezzofantediBologna。’
　　’He!he!he!’saidthemaninblack；’nowIknowthatyouarenotagypsy，atleastasoothsayer；nosoothsayerwouldhavesaidthat-
　　’
　　’Why，’saidI，’doeshenotunderstandfive-and-twentytongues？’
　　’Ohyes，’saidthemaninblack；’andfive-and-twentyaddedtothem；but，he!he!he!itwasprincipallyfromhim，whoiscertainlythegreatestofPhilologists，thatIformedmyopinionofthesect。’
　　’Yououghttospeakofhimwithmorerespect，’saidI；’IhaveheardsaythathehasdonegoodservicetoyourSee。’
　　’Ohyes，’saidthemaninblack；’hehasdonegoodservicetoourSee，thatis，inhisway；whentheneophytesofthePropagandaaretobeexaminedintheseveraltonguesinwhichtheyaredestinedtopreach，heisappointedtoquestionthem，thequestionsbeingfirstwrittendownforhim，orelse，he!he!he!-OfcourseyouknowNapoleon’sestimateofMezzofante；hesentforthelinguistfrommotivesofcuriosity，andaftersomediscoursewithhim，toldhimthathemightdepart；thenturningtosomeofhisgeneralsheobserved，“Nousavonseuiciunexemplequ’unhommepeutavoirbeaucoupdeparolesavecbienpend’esprit。“’
　　’Youareungratefultohim，’saidI；’well，perhaps，whenheisdeadandgoneyouwilldohimjustice。’
　　’True，’saidthemaninblack；’whenheisdeadandgone，weintendtoerecthimastatueofwood，ontheleft-handsideofthedooroftheVaticanlibrary。’
　　’Ofwood？’saidI。
　　’Hewasthesonofacarpenter，youknow，’saidthemaninblack；
　　’thefigurewillbeofwoodfornootherreason，Iassureyou；he!
　　he!’
　　’Youshouldplaceanotherstatueontheright。’
　　’Perhapsweshall，’saidthemaninblack；’butweknowofnooneamongstthephilologistsofItaly，nor，indeed，oftheothercountriesinhabitedbythefaithful，worthytositparallelineffigywithourillustrissimo；when，indeed，wehaveconqueredtheseregionsoftheperfidiousbybringingtheinhabitantsthereoftothetruefaith，Ihavenodoubtthatweshallbeabletoselectoneworthytobearhimcompany-onewhosestatueshallbeplacedontherighthandofthelibrary，intestimonyofourjoyathisconversion；for，asyouknow，“Thereismorejoy，“etc。’
　　’Wood？’saidI。
　　’Ihopenot，’saidthemaninblack；’no，ifIbeconsultedastothematerialforthestatue，Ishouldstronglyrecommendbronze。’
　　Andwhenthemaninblackhadsaidthis，heemptiedhissecondtumblerofitscontents，andpreparedhimselfanother。
　　CHAPTERXCIV
　　Prerogative-Feelingofgratitude-Alonghistory-Alliterativestyle-Advantageousspecimen-Jesuitbenefice-Notsufficient-
　　QueenStork’stragedy-Goodsense-Grandeurandgentility-
　　Ironmonger’sdaughter-ClanMac-Sycophant-Lickspittles-A
　　curiosity-Newspapereditors-CharlestheSimple-High-flyingditty-Dissenters-Lowerclasses-Priestley’shouse-Saxonancestors-Austin-Renovatingglass-Money-Quiteoriginal。