Shortlegsinaheroicpicturewillneverdo；and，uponthewhole，Ithinkthepainter’sattemptattheheroicinpaintingthemayoroftheoldtownadecidedfailure。IfIamnowaskedwhetherthepicturewouldhavebeenaheroiconeprovidedthepainterhadnotsubstitutedhisownlegsforthoseofthemayor-Imustsay，Iamafraidnot。IhavenoideaofmakingheroicpicturesoutofEnglishmayors，evenwiththeassistanceofNormanarches；yetIamsurethatcapitalpicturesmightbemadeoutofEnglishmayors，notissuingfromNormanarches，butratherfromthedoorofthe’Checquers’orthe’BrewersThree。’Thepainterinquestionhadgreatcomicpower，whichhescarcelyevercultivated；hewouldfainbeaRafael，whichhenevercouldbe，whenhemighthavebeensomethingquiteasgood-anotherHogarth；theonlycomicpiecewhichheeverpresentedtotheworldbeingsomethinglittleinferiortothebestofthatillustriousmaster。Ihaveoftenthoughtwhatacapitalpicturemighthavebeenmadebymybrother’sfriend，if，insteadofmakingthemayorissueoutoftheNormanarch，hehadpaintedhimmovingunderthesignofthe’Checquers，’
　　orthe’ThreeBrewers，’withmace-yes，withmace，-themaceappearsinthepictureissuingoutoftheNormanarchbehindthemayor，-butlikewisewithSnap，andwithwhiffler，quartpot，andfrying-pan，BillyBlindandOwlenglass，Mr。PetulengroandPakomovna；-then，hadheclappedhisownlegsuponthemayor，oranyoneelseintheconcourse，whatmatter？ButIrepeatthatI
　　havenohopeofmakingheroicpicturesoutofEnglishmayors，or，indeed，outofEnglishfiguresingeneral。Englandmaybealandofheroichearts，butitisnot，properly，alandofheroicfigures，orheroicposture-making。Italy……whatwasIgoingtosayaboutItaly？
　　CHAPTERXXXIX
　　Noauthoritywhatever-Interference-Wondrousfarrago-BrandtandStruensee-Whatalife!-Thehearse-Mortalrelics-Greatpoet-Fashionandfame-Whatadifference-Oh，beautiful-Goodfornothing。
　　ANDnowoncemoretomypursuits，tomyLivesandTrials。HoweverpartialatfirstImightbetotheselivesandtrials，itwasnotlongbeforetheybecameregulartrialstome，owingtothewhimsandcapricesofthepublisher。IhadnotbeenlongconnectedwithhimbeforeIdiscoveredthathewaswonderfullyfondofinterferingwithotherpeople’sbusiness-atleastwiththebusinessofthosewhowereunderhiscontrol。Whatalifedidhisunfortunateauthorslead!Hehadmanyinhisemploytoilingatallkindsofsubjects-Icallthemauthorsbecausethereissomethingrespectableinthetermauthor，thoughtheyhadlittleauthorshipin，andnoauthoritywhateverover，theworksonwhichtheywereengaged。Itistruethepublisherinterferedwithsomecolourofreason，theplanofallandeveryoftheworksalludedtohavingoriginatedwithhimself；and，beitobserved，manyofhisplanswerehighlycleverandpromising，for，asIhavealreadyhadoccasiontosay，thepublisherinmanypointswasahighlycleverandsagaciousperson；butheoughttohavebeencontentedwithplanningtheworksoriginally，andhavelefttootherpeoplethetaskofexecutingthem，insteadofwhichhemarredeverythingbyhisrageforinterference。Ifabookoffairytaleswasbeingcompiled，hewassuretointroducesomeofhisphilosophy，explainingthefairytalebysometheoryofhisown。Wasabookofanecdotesonhand，itwassuretobehalffilledwithsayingsanddoingsofhimselfduringthetimethathewascommoncouncilmanoftheCityofLondon。Now，howeverfondthepublicmightbeoffairytales，itbynomeansrelishedtheminconjunctionwiththepublisher’sphilosophy；andhoweverfondofanecdotesingeneral，orevenofthepublisherinparticular-forindeedtherewereagreatmanyanecdotesincirculationabouthimwhichthepublicbothreadandlistenedtoveryreadily-ittooknopleasureinsuchanecdotesashewasdisposedtorelateabouthimself。InthecompilationofmyLivesandTrialsIwasexposedtoincrediblemortification，andceaselesstrouble，fromthissamerageforinterference。Itistruehecouldnotintroducehisphilosophyintothework，norwasitpossibleforhimtointroduceanecdotesofhimself，havingneverhadthegoodorevilfortunetobetriedatthebar；buthewascontinuallyintroducing-what，underalessapatheticgovernmentthantheonethenbeing，wouldhaveinfalliblysubjectedhim，andperhapsmyself，toatrial，-hispolitics；nothisOxfordorpseudopolitics，butthepoliticswhichhereallyentertained，andwhichwereofthemostrepublicanandviolentkind。Butthiswasnotall；whenaboutamoietyofthefirstvolumehadbeenprinted，hemateriallyalteredtheplanofthework；itwasnolongertobeacollectionofmereNewgatelivesandtrials，butoflivesandtrialsofcriminalsingeneral，foreignaswellasdomestic。Inalittletimetheworkbecameawondrousfarrago，inwhichKonigsmarktherobberfiguredbythesideofSamLynn，andtheMarchionessdeBrinvillierswasplacedincontactwithaChineseoutlaw。Whatgavemethemosttroubleandannoyancewasthepublisher’srememberingsomelifeortrial，foreignordomestic，whichhewishedtobeinserted，andwhichIwasforthwithtogoinquestofandpurchaseatmyownexpense：someofthoselivesandtrialswerebynomeanseasytofind。’WhereisBrandtandStruensee？’criesthepublisher；’IamsureIdon’tknow，’I
　　replied；whereuponthepublisherfallstosquealinglikeoneofJoey’srats。’FindmeupBrandtandStruenseebynextmorning，or-’’HaveyoufoundBrandtandStruensee？’criedthepublisher，onmyappearingbeforehimnextmorning。’No，’Ireply，’Icanhearnothingaboutthem’；whereuponthepublisherfallstobellowinglikeJoey’sbull。Bydintofincrediblediligence，IatlengthdiscoverthedingyvolumecontainingthelivesandtrialsofthecelebratedtwowhohadbroodedtreasondangeroustothestateofDenmark。Ipurchasethedingyvolume，andbringitintriumphtothepublisher，theperspirationrunningdownmybrow。Thepublishertakesthedingyvolumeinhishand，heexaminesitattentively，thenputsitdown；hiscountenanceiscalmforamoment，almostbenign。Anothermomentandthereisagleaminthepublisher’ssinistereye；hesnatchesupthepapercontainingthenamesoftheworthieswhichIhaveintendedshallfigureintheforthcomingvolumes-heglancesrapidlyoverit，andhiscountenanceoncemoreassumesaterrificexpression。’Howisthis？’heexclaims；’Icanscarcelybelievemyeyes-themostimportantlifeandtrialomittedtobefoundinthewholecriminalrecord-whatgross，whatutternegligence!Where’sthelifeofFarmerPatch？where’sthetrialofYeomanPatch？’
　　’Whatalife!whatadog’slife!’Iwouldfrequentlyexclaim，afterescapingfromthepresenceofthepublisher。
　　Oneday，afterascenewiththepublishersimilartothatwhichI
　　havedescribedabove，IfoundmyselfaboutnoonatthebottomofOxfordStreet，whereitformsarightanglewiththeroadwhichleadsordidleadtoTottenhamCourt。Happeningtocastmyeyesaround，itsuddenlyoccurredtomethatsomethinguncommonwasexpected；peoplewerestandingingroupsonthepavement-theupstairwindowsofthehouseswerethrongedwithfaces，especiallythoseofwomen，andmanyoftheshopswerepartly，andnotafewentirely，closed。Whatcouldbethereasonofallthis？AllatonceIbethoughtmethatthisstreetofOxfordwasnootherthanthefar-famedTyburnway。Oh，oh，thoughtI，anexecution；somehandsomeyoungrobberisabouttobeexecutedatthefartherend；
　　justso，seehowearnestlythewomenarepeering；perhapsanotherHarrySimms-GentlemanHarryastheycalledhim-isabouttobecartedalongthisstreettoTyburntree；butthenIrememberedthatTyburntreehadlongsincebeencutdown，andthatcriminals，whetheryoungorold，good-lookingorugly，wereexecutedbeforethebigstonegaol，whichIhadlookedatwithakindofshudderduringmyshortramblesintheCity。Whatcouldbethematter？
　　justthenIheardvariousvoicescry，’Thereitcomes!’andallheadswereturnedupOxfordStreet，downwhichahearsewasslowlycoming：nearerandneareritdrew；presentlyitwasjustoppositetheplacewhereIwasstanding，when，turningtotheleft，itproceededslowlyalongTottenhamRoad；immediatelybehindthehearsewerethreeorfourmourningcoaches，fullofpeople，someofwhom，fromthepartialglimpsewhichIcaughtofthem，appearedtobeforeigners；behindthesecameaverylongtrainofsplendidcarriages，allofwhich，withoutoneexception，wereempty。
　　’Whosebodyisinthathearse？’saidItoadapper-lookingindividual，seeminglyashopkeeper，whostoodbesidemeonthepavement，lookingattheprocession。
　　’ThemortalrelicsofLordByron，’saidthedapper-lookingindividual，mouthinghiswordsandsmirking-’theillustriouspoet，whichhavebeenjustbroughtfromGreece，andarebeingconveyedtothefamilyvaultin-shire。’
　　’Anillustriouspoet，washe？’saidI。
　　’Beyondallcriticism，’saidthedapperman；’allweoftherisinggenerationareunderincalculableobligationtoByron；Imyself，inparticular，havereasontosayso；inallmycorrespondencemystyleisformedontheByronicmodel。’
　　Ilookedattheindividualforamoment，whosmiledandsmirkedtohimselfapplause，andthenIturnedmyeyesuponthehearseproceedingslowlyupthealmostendlessstreet。Thisman，thisByron，hadformanyyearspastbeenthedemigodofEngland，andhisversesthedailyfoodofthosewhoread，fromthepeertothedraper’sassistant；allwereadmirers，orratherworshippers，ofByron，andalldoatedonhisverses；andthenIthoughtofthosewho，withgeniusashighashis，orhigher，hadlivedanddiedneglected。IthoughtofMiltonabandonedtopovertyandblindness；
　　ofwittyandingeniousButlerconsignedtothetendermerciesofbailiffs；andstarvingOtway：theyhadlivedneglectedanddespised，and，whentheydied，afewpoormournersonlyhadfollowedthemtothegrave；butthisByronhadbeenmadeahalfgodofwhenliving，andnowthathewasdeadhewasfollowedbyworshippingcrowds，andtheverysunseemedtocomeoutonpurposetogracehisfuneral。And，indeed，thesun，whichformanydayspasthadhiddenitsfaceinclouds，shoneoutthatmornwithwonderfulbrilliancy，flamingupontheblackhearseanditstallostrichplumes，themourningcoaches，andthelongtrainofaristocraticcarriageswhichfollowedbehind。
　　’Greatpoet，sir，’saidthedapper-lookingman，’greatpoet，butunhappy。’
　　Unhappy？yes，Ihadheardthathehadbeenunhappy；thathehadroamedaboutafevered，distemperedman，takingpleasureinnothing-thatIhadheard；butwasittrue？washereallyunhappy？wasnotthisunhappinessassumed，withtheviewofincreasingtheinterestwhichtheworldtookinhim？andyetwhocouldsay？Hemightbeunhappy，andwithreason。Washearealpoetafterall？mighthenotdoubthimself？mighthenothavealurkingconsciousnessthathewasundeservingofthehomagewhichhewasreceiving？thatitcouldnotlast？thathewasratheratthetopoffashionthanoffame？Hewasalordling，aglittering，gorgeouslordling：andhemighthavehadaconsciousnessthatheowedmuchofhiscelebritytobeingso；hemighthavefeltthathewasratheratthetopoffashionthanoffame。Fashionsoonchanges，thoughtI，eagerlytomyself-atimewillcome，andthatspeedily，whenhewillbenolongerinthefashion；whenthisidioticadmirerofhis，whoisstillgrinningatmyside，shallhaveceasedtomouldhisstyleonByron’s；andthisaristocracy，squirearchy，andwhatnot，whonowsendtheiremptycarriagestopayrespecttothefashionablecorpse，shallhavetransferredtheiremptyworshiptosomeotheranimateorinanimatething。Well，perhapsafterallitwasbettertohavebeenmightyMiltoninhispovertyandblindness-wittyandingeniousButlerconsignedtothetendermerciesofbailiffs，andstarvingOtway；theymightenjoymorerealpleasurethanthislordling；theymusthavebeenawarethattheworldwouldonedaydothemjustice-fameafterdeathisbetterthanthetopoffashioninlife。Theyhaveleftafamebehindthemwhichshallneverdie，whilstthislordling-atimewillcomewhenhewillbeoutoffashionandforgotten。AndyetIdon’tknow；didn’thewriteChildeHaroldandthatode？Yes，hewroteChildeHaroldandthatode。Thenatimewillscarcelycomewhenhewillbeforgotten。