“Sobeit,“hereplied。“Butdon’tbeuneasy;youhavemoneyenoughofyourowntobenoburdeneithertoyourmotherorme。“
  “MayIaskhowmuchIhave?“
  “Certainly,mychild,“hesaid。“Yourgrandmotherleftyoufivehundredthousandfrancs;thiswastheamountofhersavings,forshewouldnotalienateafootoflandfromthefamily。ThissumhasbeenplacedinGovernmentstock,and,withtheaccumulatedinterest,nowbringsinaboutfortythousandfrancsayear。WiththisIhadpurposedmakinganindependenceforyoursecondbrother,anditisherethatyouhaveupsetmyplans。Later,however,itispossiblethatyoumayfallinwiththem。Itshallrestwithyourself,forIhaveconfidenceinyourgoodsensefarmorethanIhadexpected。
  “IdonotneedtotellyouhowadaughteroftheChaulieusoughttobehave。Thepridesoplainlywritteninyourfeaturesismybestguarantee。Safeguards,suchascommonfolksurroundtheirdaughterswith,wouldbeaninsultinourfamily。Aslanderreflectingonyournamemightcostthelifeofthemanboldenoughtoutterit,orthelifeofoneofyourbrothers,ifbychancetherightshouldnotprevail。Nomoreonthissubject。Good-bye,littleone。“
  Hekissedmeontheforeheadandwentout。Icannotunderstandtherelinquishmentofthisplanafternineyears’persistenceinit。Myfather’sfranknessiswhatIlike。Thereisnoambiguityabouthiswords。MymoneyoughttobelongtohisMarquisson。Who,then,hashadbowelsofmercy?Mymother?Myfather?Orcoulditbemybrother?
  Iremainedsittingonmygrandmother’ssofa,staringatthepursewhichmyfatherhadleftonthemantelpiece,atoncepleasedandvexedthatIcouldnotwithdrawmymindfromthemoney。Itistrue,furtherspeculationwasuseless。Mydoubtshadbeenclearedupandtherewassomethingfineinthewaymypridewasspared。
  Philippehasspentthemorningrushingaboutamongthevariousshopsandworkpeoplewhoaretoundertakethetaskofmymetamorphosis。A
  famousdressmaker,bynameVictorine,hascome,aswellasawomanforunderclothing,andashoemaker。IamasimpatientasachildtoknowwhatIshallbelikewhenIemergefromthesackwhichconstitutedtheconventualuniform;butallthesetradespeopletakealongtime;thecorset-makerrequiresawholeweekifmyfigureisnottobespoilt。
  Yousee,Ihaveafigure,dear;thisbecomesserious。Janssen,theOperaticshoemaker,solemnlyassuresmethatIhavemymother’sfoot。
  Thewholemorninghasgoneintheseweightyoccupations。Evenaglovemakerhascometotakethemeasureofmyhand。Theunderclothingwomanhasgotmyorders。
  AtthemealwhichIcalldinner,andtheotherslunch,mymothertoldmethatweweregoingtogethertothemilliner’stoseesomehats,sothatmytasteshouldbeformed,andImightbeinapositiontoordermyown。
  Thisburstofindependencedazzlesme。Iamlikeablindmanwhohasjustrecoveredhissight。NowIbegintounderstandthevastintervalwhichseparatesaCarmelitesisterfromagirlinsociety。Ofourselveswecouldneverhaveconceivedit。
  Duringthislunchmyfatherseemedabsent-minded,andwelefthimtohisthoughts;heisdeepintheKing’sconfidence。Iwasentirelyforgotten;but,fromwhatIhaveseen,Ihavenodoubthewillremembermewhenhehasneedofme。Heisaveryattractivemaninspiteofhisfiftyyears。Hisfigureisyouthful;heiswellmade,fair,andextremelygracefulinhismovements。Hehasadiplomaticface,atoncedumbandexpressive;hisnoseislongandslender,andhehasbrowneyes。
  Whatahandsomepair!Strangethoughtsassailmeasitbecomesplaintomethatthesetwo,soperfectlymatchedinbirth,wealth,andmentalsuperiority,liveentirelyapart,andhavenothingincommonbuttheirname。Theshowofunityisonlyfortheworld。
  ThecreamoftheCourtanddiplomaticcircleswereherelastnight。
  VerysoonIamgoingtoaballgivenbytheDuchessedeMaufrigneuse,andIshallbepresentedtothesocietyIamsoeagertoknow。A
  dancing-masteriscomingeverymorningtogivemelessons,forImustbeabletodanceinamonth,orIcan’tgototheball。
  Beforedinner,mymothercametotalkaboutthegovernesswithme。I
  havedecidedtokeepMissGriffith,whowasrecommendedbytheEnglishambassador。MissGriffithisthedaughterofaclergyman;hermotherwasofgoodfamily,andsheisperfectlywellbred。Sheisthirty-six,andwillteachmeEnglish。Thegoodsoulisquitehandsomeenoughtohaveambitions;sheisScotch——poorandproud——andwillactasmychaperon。SheistosleepinRose’sroom。Rosewillbeunderherorders。Isawataglancethatmygovernesswouldbegovernedbyme。
  Inthesixdayswehavebeentogether,shehasmadeverysurethatI
  amtheonlypersonlikelytotakeaninterestinher;while,formypart,Ihaveascertainedthat,forallherstatuesquefeatures,shewillproveaccommodating。Sheseemstomeakindlysoul,butcautious。
  Ihavenotbeenabletoextractawordofwhatpassedbetweenherandmymother。
  Anothertriflingpieceofnews!MyfatherhasthismorningrefusedtheappointmentasMinisterofStatewhichwasofferedhim。Thisaccountsforhispreoccupiedmannerlastnight。Hesayshewouldpreferanembassytotheworriesofpublicdebate。Spaininespecialattractshim。
  Thisnewswastoldmeatlunch,theonemomentofthedaywhenmyfather,mother,andbrotherseeeachotherinaneasyway。Theservantsthenonlycomewhentheyarerungfor。Therestofthedaymybrother,aswellasmyfather,spendsoutofthehouse。Mymotherhashertoilettomake;betweentwoandfoursheisnevervisible;atfouro’clockshegoesoutforanhour’sdrive;whensheisnotdiningout,shereceivesfromsixtoseven,andtheeveningisgiventoentertainmentsofvariouskinds——theatres,balls,concerts,athomes。
  Inshort,herlifeissofull,thatIdon’tbelievesheeverhasaquarterofanhourtoherself。Shemustspendaconsiderabletimedressinginthemorning;foratlunch,whichtakesplacebetweenelevenandtwelve,sheisexquisite。Themeaningofthethingsthataresaidaboutherisdawningonme。Shebeginsthedaywithabathbarelywarmed,andacupofcoldcoffeewithcream;thenshedresses。
  Sheisnever,exceptonsomegreatemergency,calledbeforenineo’clock。Insummertherearemorningrides,andattwoo’clockshereceivesayoungmanwhomIhaveneveryetcontrivedtosee。
  Beholdourfamilylife!Wemeetatlunchanddinner,thoughoftenIamalonewithmymotheratthislattermeal,andIforeseethatstilloftenerIshalltakeitinmyownroomsfollowingtheexampleofmygrandmotherwithonlyMissGriffithforcompany,formymotherfrequentlydinesout。Ihaveceasedtowonderattheindifferencemyfamilyhaveshowntome。InParis,mydear,itisamiracleofvirtuetolovethepeoplewholivewithyou,foryouseelittleenoughofthem;asfortheabsent——theydonotexist!
  Knowingasthismaysound,Ihavenotyetsetfootinthestreets,andamdeplorablyignorant。ImustwaittillIamlessofthecountrycousinandhavebroughtmydressanddeportmentintokeepingwiththesocietyIamabouttoenter,thewhirlofwhichamazesmeevenhere,whereonlydistantmurmursreachmyear。SofarIhavenotgonebeyondthegarden;buttheItalianoperaopensinafewdays,andmymotherhasaboxthere。IamcrazywithdelightatthethoughtofhearingItalianmusicandseeingFrenchacting。
  AlreadyIbegintodropconventhabitsforthoseofsociety。Ispendtheeveningwritingtoyoutillthemomentforgoingtobedarrives。
  Thishasbeenpostponedtoteno’clock,thehouratwhichmymothergoesout,ifsheisnotatthetheatre。TherearetwelvetheatresinParis。
  IamgrosslyignorantandIreadalot,butquiteindiscriminately,onebookleadingtoanother。IfindthenamesoffreshbooksonthecoveroftheoneIamreading;butasIhavenoonetodirectme,I
  lightonsomewhicharefearfullydull。WhatmodernliteratureIhavereadallturnsuponlove,thesubjectwhichusedtobulksolargelyinourthoughts,becauseitseemedthatourfatewasdeterminedbymanandforman。Buthowinferioraretheseauthorstotwolittlegirls,knownasSweetheartandDarling——otherwiseReneeandLouise。Ah!mylove,whatwretchedplots,whatridiculoussituations,andwhatpovertyofsentiment!Twobooks,however,havegivenmewonderfulpleasure——/Corinne/and/Adolphe/。Aproposofthis,IaskedmyfatheronedaywhetheritwouldbepossibleformetoseeMme。deStael。Myfather,mother,andAlphonseallburstoutlaughing,andAlphonsesaid:
  “Whereintheworldhasshesprungfrom?“
  Towhichmyfatherreplied:
  “Whatfoolsweare!ShespringsfromtheCarmelites。“
  “Mychild,Mme。deStaelisdead,“saidmymothergently。
  WhenIfinished/Adolphe/,IaskedMissGriffithhowawomancouldbebetrayed。
  “Why,ofcourse,whensheloves,“washerreply。
  Renee,tellme,doyouthinkwecouldbebetrayedbyaman?
  MissGriffithhasatlastdiscernedthatIamnotanutterignoramus,thatIhavesomewhereahiddenveinofknowledge,theknowledgewelearnedfromeachotherinourrandomarguments。SheseesthatitisonlysuperficialfactsofwhichIamignorant。Thepoorthinghasopenedherhearttome。Hercurtreplytomyquestion,whenIcompareitwithallthesorrowsIcanimagine,makesmefeelquitecreepy。
  Oncemoresheurgedmenottobedazzledbytheglitterofsociety,tobealwaysonmyguard,especiallyagainstwhatmostattractedme。Thisisthesum-totalofherwisdom,andIcangetnothingmoreoutofher。
  Herlectures,therefore,becomeatriflemonotonous,andshemightbecomparedinthisrespecttothebirdwhichhasonlyonecry。
  THESAMETOTHESAME
  December。
  MyDarling,——HereIamreadytomakemybowtotheworld。BywayofpreparationIhavebeentryingtocommitallthefolliesIcouldthinkofbeforesoberingdownformyentry。Thismorning,Ihaveseenmyself,aftermanyrehearsals,wellanddulyequipped——stays,shoes,curls,dress,ornaments,——allinorder。Followingtheexampleofduelistsbeforeameeting,Itriedmyarmsintheprivacyofmychamber。IwantedtoseehowIwouldlook,andhadnodifficultyindiscoveringacertainairofvictoryandtriumph,boundtocarryallbeforeit。Imusteredallmyforces,inaccordancewiththatsplendidmaximofantiquity,“Knowthyself!“andboundlesswasmydelightinthusmakingmyownacquaintance。Griffithwasthesolespectatorofthisdoll’splay,inwhichIwasatoncedollandchild。Youthinkyouknowme?Youarehugelymistaken。
  Hereisaportrait,then,Renee,ofyoursister,formerlydisguisedasaCarmelite,nowbroughttolifeagainasafrivoloussocietygirl。
  SheisoneofthegreatestbeautiesinFrance——Provence,ofcourse,excepted。Idon’tseethatIcangiveamoreaccuratesummaryofthisinterestingtopic。
  True,Ihavemyweakpoints;butwereIaman,Ishouldadorethem。
  Theyarisefromwhatismostpromisinginme。Whenyouhavespentafortnightadmiringtheexquisitecurvesofyourmother’sarms,andthatmothertheDuchessedeChaulieu,itisimpossible,mydear,nottodeploreyourownangularelbows。Yetthereisconsolationinobservingthefinenessofthewrist,andacertaingraceoflineinthosehollows,whichwillyetfilloutandshowplump,round,andwellmodeled,underthesatinyskin。Thesomewhatcrudeoutlineofthearmsisseenagainintheshoulders。Strictlyspeaking,indeed,Ihavenoshoulders,butonlytwobonyblades,standingoutinharshrelief。Myfigurealsolackspliancy;thereisastiffnessaboutthesidelines。
  Poof!There’stheworstout。Butthenthecontoursareboldanddelicate,thebright,pureflameofhealthbitesintothevigorouslines,afloodoflifeandofbluebloodpulsesunderthetransparentskin,andthefairestdaughterofEvewouldseemaNegressbesideme!
  Ihavethefootofagazelle!Myjointsarefinelyturned,myfeaturesofaGreekcorrectness。Itistrue,madame,thatthefleshtintsdonotmeltintoeachother;but,atleast,theystandoutclearandbright。Inshort,Iamaveryprettygreenfruit,withallthecharmofunripeness。Iseeagreatlikenesstothefaceinmyaunt’soldmissal,whichrisesoutofavioletlily。
  Thereisnosillyweaknessintheblueofmyinsolenteyes;thewhiteispuremother-of-pearl,prettilymarkedwithtinyveins,andthethick,longlashesfalllikeasilkenfringe。Myforeheadsparkles,andthehairgrowsdeliciously;itripplesintowavesofpalegold,growingbrownertowardsthecentre,whenceescapelittlerebellocks,whichalonewouldtellthatmyfairnessisnotoftheinsipidandhystericaltype。Iamatropicalblonde,withplentyofbloodinmyveins,ablondemoreapttostrikethantoturnthecheek。Whatdoyouthinkthehairdresserproposed?Hewanted,ifyouplease,tosmoothmyhairintotwobands,andplaceovermyforeheadapearl,keptinplacebyagoldchain!HesaiditwouldrecalltheMiddleAges。
  ItoldhimIwasnotagedenoughtohavereachedthemiddle,ortoneedanornamenttofreshenmeup!
  Thenoseisslender,andthewell-cutnostrilsareseparatedbyasweetlittlepinkpartition——animperious,mockingnose,withatiptoosensitiveevertogrowfatorred。Sweetheart,ifthiswon’tfindahusbandforadowerlessmaiden,I’madonkey。Theearsaredaintilycurled,apearlhangingfromeitherlobewouldshowyellow。Theneckislong,andhasanundulatingmotionfullofdignity。Intheshadethewhiteripenstoagoldentinge。Perhapsthemouthisalittlelarge。Buthowexpressive!whatacoloronthelips!howprettilytheteethlaugh!
  Then,dear,thereisaharmonyrunningthroughall。Whatagait!whatavoice!Wehavenotforgottenhowourgrandmother’sskirtsfellintoplacewithoutatouch。Inaword,Iamlovelyandcharming。Whenthemoodcomes,Icanlaughoneofourgoodoldlaughs,andnoonewillthinkthelessofme;thedimples,impressedbyComedy’slightfingersonmyfaircheeks,willcommandrespect。OrIcanletmyeyesfallandmyheartfreezeundermysnowybrows。IcanposeasaMadonnawithmelancholy,swan-likeneck,andthepainters’virginswillbenowhere;
  myplaceinheavenwouldbefarabovethem。Amanwouldbeforcedtochantwhenhespoketome。
  So,yousee,mypanoplyiscomplete,andIcanrunthewholegamutofcoquetryfromdeepestbasstoshrillesttreble。Itisahugeadvantagenottobeallofonepiece。Now,mymotherisneitherplayfulnorvirginal。Heronlyattitudeisanimposingone;whensheceasestobemajestic,sheisferocious。Itisdifficultforhertohealthewoundsshemakes,whereasIcanwoundandhealtogether。Weareabsolutelyunlike,andthereforetherecouldnotpossiblyberivalrybetweenus,unlessindeedwequarreledoverthegreaterorlessperfectionofourextremities,whicharesimilar。Itakeaftermyfather,whoisshrewdandsubtle。Ihavethemannerofmygrandmotherandhercharmingvoice,whichbecomesfalsettowhenforced,butisasweet-tonedchestvoiceattheordinarypitchofaquiettalk。
  IfeelasifIhadlefttheconventto-dayforthefirsttime。ForsocietyIdonotyetexist;Iamunknowntoit。Whataravishingmoment!Istillbelongonlytomyself,likeaflowerjustblown,unseenyetofmortaleye。
  Inspiteofthis,mysweet,asIpacedthedrawing-roomduringmyself-inspection,andsawthepoorcast-offschool-clothes,aqueerfeelingcameoverme。Regretforthepast,anxietyaboutthefuture,fearofsociety,alongfarewelltothepaledaisieswhichweusedtopickandstripoftheirpetalsinlight-heartedinnocence,therewassomethingofallthat;butstrange,fantasticvisionsalsorose,whichIcrushedbackintotheinnerdepths,whencetheyhadsprung,andwhitherIdarednotfollowthem。
  MyRenee,Ihavearegulartrousseau!Itisallbeautifullylaidawayandperfumedinthecedar-wooddrawerswithlacqueredfrontofmycharmingdressing-table。Thereareribbons,shoes,gloves,allinlavishabundance。Myfatherhaskindlypresentedmewiththeprettygewgawsagirlloves——adressing-case,toiletservice,scent-box,fan,sunshade,prayer-book,goldchain,cashmereshawl。Hehasalsopromisedtogivemeridinglessons。AndIcandance!To-morrow,yes,to-morrowevening,Icomeout!
  Mydressiswhitemuslin,andonmyheadIwearagarlandofwhiterosesinGreekstyle。IshallputonmyMadonnaface;Imeantoplaythesimpleton,andhaveallthewomenonmyside。MymotherismilesawayfromanyideaofwhatIwritetoyou。Shebelievesmequitedestituteofmind,andwouldbedumfoundedifshereadmyletter。Mybrotherhonorsmewithaprofoundcontempt,andisuniformlyandpolitelyindifferent。