YesterdayIaimedashaftatM。Henarezwhichmusthavetouchedhimtothequick。Hemadenoreply;thelessonwasover,andhebowedwithaglanceatme,inwhichIreadthathewouldneverreturn。Thissuitsmecapitally;therewouldbesomethingominousinstartinganimitation/NouvelleHeloise/。IhavejustbeenreadingRousseau’s,andithasleftmewithastrongdistasteforlove。Passionwhichcanargueandmoralizeseemstomedetestable。
Clarissaalsoismuchtoopleasedwithherselfandherlong,littleletter;butRichardson’sworkisanadmirablepicture,myfathertellsme,ofEnglishwomen。Rousseau’sseemstomeasortofphilosophicalsermon,castintheformofletters。
Love,asIconceiveit,isapurelysubjectivepoem。Inallthatbookstellusaboutit,thereisnothingwhichisnotatoncefalseandtrue。Andso,myprettyone,asyouwillhenceforthbeanauthorityonlyonconjugallove,itseemstomemyduty——intheinterest,ofcourse,ofourcommonlife——toremainunmarried,andhaveagrandpassion,sothatwemayenlargeourexperience。
Tellmeeverydetailofwhathappenstoyou,especiallyinthefirstfewdays,withthatstrangeanimalcalledahusband。IpromisetodothesameforyouifeverIamloved。
Farewell,poormartyreddarling。
MME。DEL’ESTORADETOMLLE。DECHAULIEU
LaCrampade。
YourSpaniardandyoumakemeshudder,mydarling。Iwritethislinetobegofyoutodismisshim。Allthatyousayofhimcorrespondswiththecharacterofthosedangerousadventurerswho,havingnothingtolose,willtakeanyrisk。Thismancannotbeyourhusband,andmustnotbeyourlover。Iwillwritetoyoumorefullyabouttheinnerhistoryofmymarriedlifewhenmyheartisfreefromtheanxietyyourlastletterhasrousedinit。
MLLE。DECHAULIEUTOMME。DEL’ESTORADE
February。
Atnineo’clockthismorning,sweetheart,myfatherwasannouncedinmyrooms。Iwasupanddressed。Ifoundhimsolemnlyseatedbesidethefireinthedrawing-room,lookingmorethoughtfulthanusual。Hepointedtothearmchairoppositetohim。Divininghismeaning,Isankintoitwithagravity,whichsowellapedhis,thathecouldnotrefrainfromsmiling,thoughthesmilewasdashedwithmelancholy。
“Youarequiteamatchforyourgrandmotherinquick-wittedness,“hesaid。
“Come,father,don’tplaythecourtierhere,“Ireplied;“youwantsomethingfromme。“
Herose,visiblyagitated,andtalkedtomeforhalfanhour。Thisconversation,dear,reallyoughttobepreserved。Assoonashehadgone,Isatdowntomytableandtriedtorecallhiswords。ThisisthefirsttimethatIhaveseenmyfatherrevealinghisinnerthoughts。
Hebeganbyflatteringme,andhedidnotdoitbadly。Iwasboundtobegratefultohimforhavingunderstoodandappreciatedme。
“Armande,“hesaid,“Iwasquitemistakeninyou,andyouhaveagreeablysurprisedme。Whenyouarrivedfromtheconvent,Itookyouforanaverageyounggirl,ignorantandnotparticularlyintelligent,easilytobeboughtoffwithgewgawsandornaments,andwithlittleturnforreflection。“
“Youarecomplimentarytoyounggirls,father。“
“Oh!thereisnosuchthingasyouthnowadays,“hesaid,withtheairofadiplomat。“Yourmindisamazinglyopen。Youtakeeverythingatitsproperworth;yourclear-sightednessisextraordinary,thereisnohoodwinkingyou。Youpassforbeingblind,andallthetimeyouhavelaidyourhandoncauses,whileotherpeoplearestillpuzzlingovereffects。Inshort,youareaministerinpetticoats,theonlypersonherecapableofunderstandingme。Itfollows,then,thatifIhaveanysacrificetoaskfromyou,itisonlytoyourselfIcanturnforhelpinpersuadingyou。
“Iamthereforegoingtoexplaintoyou,quitefrankly,myformerplans,towhichIstilladhere。Inordertorecommendthemtoyou,I
mustshowthattheyareconnectedwithfeelingsofaveryhighorder,andIshallthusbeobligedtoenterintopoliticalquestionsofthegreatestimportancetothekingdom,whichmightbewearisometoanyonelessintelligentthanyouare。Whenyouhaveheardme,Ihopeyouwilltaketimeforconsideration,sixmonthsifnecessary。Youareentirelyyourownmistress;andifyoudeclinetomakethesacrificeI
ask,Ishallbowtoyourdecisionandtroubleyounofurther。“
Thispreface,mysweetheart,mademereallyserious,andIsaid:
“Speak,father。“
Here,then,isthedeliveranceofthestatesman:
“Mychild,Franceisinaverycriticalposition,whichisunderstoodonlybytheKingandafewsuperiorminds。ButtheKingisaheadwithoutarms;thegreatnobles,whoareinthesecretofthedanger,havenoauthorityoverthemenwhoseco-operationisneedfulinordertobringaboutahappyresult。Thesemen,castupbypopularelection,refusetolendthemselvesasinstruments。Eventheablemenamongthemcarryontheworkofpullingdownsociety,insteadofhelpingustostrengthentheedifice。
“Inaword,thereareonlytwoparties——thepartyofMariusandthepartyofSulla。IamforSullaagainstMarius。This,roughlyspeaking,isourposition。Togomoreintodetails:theRevolutionisstillactive;itisembeddedinthelawandwrittenonthesoil;itfillspeople’sminds。ThedangerisallthegreaterbecausethegreaternumberoftheKing’scounselors,seeingitdestituteofarmedforcesandofmoney,believeitcompletelyvanquished。TheKingisanableman,andnoteasilyblinded;butfromdaytodayheiswonoverbyhisbrother’spartisans,whowanttohurrythingson。Hehasnottwoyearstolive,andthinksmoreofapeacefuldeathbedthanofanythingelse。
“ShallItellyou,mychild,whichisthemostdestructiveofalltheconsequencesentailedbytheRevolution?Youwouldneverguess。InLouisXVI。theRevolutionhasdecapitatedeveryheadofafamily。Thefamilyhasceasedtoexist;wehaveonlyindividuals。Intheirdesiretobecomeanation,Frenchmenhaveabandonedtheideaofempire;inproclaimingtheequalrightsofallchildrentotheirfather’sinheritance,theyhavekilledthefamilyspiritandcreatedtheStatetreasury。Butallthishaspavedthewayforweakenedauthority,fortheblindforceofthemasses,forthedecayofartandthesupremacyofindividualinterests,andhaslefttheroadopentotheforeigninvader。
“Westandbetweentwopolicies——eithertofoundtheStateonthebasisofthefamily,ortorestitonindividualinterest——inotherwords,betweendemocracyandaristocracy,betweenfreediscussionandobedience,betweenCatholicismandreligiousindifference。Iamamongthefewwhoareresolvedtoopposewhatiscalledthepeople,andthatinthepeople’strueinterest。Itisnotnowaquestionoffeudalrights,asfoolsaretold,norofrank;itisaquestionoftheStateandoftheexistenceofFrance。Thecountrywhichdoesnotrestonthefoundationofpaternalauthoritycannotbestable。Thatisthefootoftheladderofresponsibilityandsubordination,whichhasforitssummittheKing。
“TheKingstandsforusall。TodiefortheKingistodieforoneself,forone’sfamily,which,likethekingdom,cannotdie。Allanimalshavecertaininstincts;theinstinctofmanisforfamilylife。Acountryisstrongwhichconsistsofwealthyfamilies,everymemberofwhomisinterestedindefendingacommontreasure;itisweakwhencomposedofscatteredindividuals,towhomitmatterslittlewhethertheyobeysevenorone,aRussianoraCorsican,solongaseachkeepshisownplotofland,blind,intheirwretchedegotism,tothefactthatthedayiscomingwhenthistoowillbetornfromthem。
“Terriblecalamitiesareinstoreforus,incaseourpartyfails。
Nothingwillbeleftbutpenalorfiscallaws——yourmoneyoryourlife。Themostgenerousnationontheearthwillhaveceasedtoobeythecallofnobleinstincts。Woundspastcuringwillhavebeenfosteredandaggravated,anallpervadingjealousybeingthefirst。
Thentheupperclasseswillbesubmerged;equalityofdesirewillbetakenforequalityofstrength;truedistinction,evenwhenprovedandrecognized,willbethreatenedbytheadvancingtideofmiddle-classprejudice。Itwaspossibletochooseonemanoutofathousand,but,amongstthreemillions,discriminationbecomesimpossible,whenallaremovedbythesameambitionsandattiredinthesameliveryofmediocrity。Noforesightwillwarnthisvictorioushordeofthatotherterriblehorde,soontobearrayedagainsttheminthepeasantproprietors;inotherwords,twentymillionacresofland,alive,stirring,arguing,deaftoreason,insatiableofappetite,obstructingprogress,mastersintheirbruteforce——“
“But,“saidI,interruptingmyfather,“whatcanIdotohelptheState。IfeelnovocationforplayingJoanofArcintheinterestsofthefamily,orforfindingamartyr’sblockintheconvent。“
“Youarealittlehussy,“criedmyfather。“IfIspeaksensiblytoyou,youarefullofjokes;whenIjest,youtalklikeanambassadress。“
“Lovelivesoncontrasts,“wasmyreply。
Andhelaughedtillthetearsstoodinhiseyes。
“YouwillreflectonwhatIhavetoldyou;youwilldojusticetothelargeandconfidingspiritinwhichIhavebroachedthematter,andpossiblyeventsmayassistmyplans。Iknowthat,sofarasyouareconcerned,theyareinjuriousandunfair,andthisisthereasonwhyI
appealforyoursanctionofthemlesstoyourheartandyourimaginationthantoyourreason。IhavefoundmorejudgmentandcommonsenseinyouthaninanyoneIknow——“
“Youflatteryourself,“Isaid,withasmile,“forIameveryinchyourchild!“
“Inshort,“hewenton,“onemustbelogical。Youcan’thavetheendwithoutthemeans,anditisourdutytosetanexampletoothers。
FromallthisIdeducethatyououghtnottohavemoneyofyourowntillyouryoungerbrotherisprovidedfor,andIwanttoemploythewholeofyourinheritanceinpurchasinganestateforhimtogowiththetitle。“
“But,“Isaid,“youwon’tinterferewithmylivinginmyownfashionandenjoyinglifeifIleaveyoumyfortune?“
“Provided,“hereplied,“thatyourviewoflifedoesnotconflictwiththefamilyhonor,reputation,and,Imayadd,glory。“
“Come,come,“Icried,“whathasbecomeofmyexcellentjudgment?“
“ThereisnotinallFrance,“hesaidwithbitterness,“amanwhowouldtakeforwifeadaughterofoneofournoblestfamilieswithoutadowryandbestowoneonher。Ifsuchahusbandcouldbefound,itwouldbeamongtheclassofrich/parvenus/;onthispointIbelongtotheeleventhcentury。“
“AndIalso,“Isaid。“Butwhydespair?Aretherenoagedpeers?“
“Youareanaptscholar,Louise!“heexclaimed。
Thenheleftme,smilingandkissingmyhand。
Ireceivedyourletterthisverymorning,anditledmetocontemplatethatabyssintowhichyousaythatImayfall。Avoicewithinseemedtoutterthesamewarning。SoItookmyprecautions。Henarez,mydear,darestolookatme,andhiseyesaredisquieting。TheyinspiremewithwhatIcanonlycallanunreasoningdread。Suchamanoughtnomoretobelookedatthanafrog;heisuglyandfascinating。
FortwodaysIhavebeenhesitatingwhethertotellmyfatherpoint-
blankthatIwantnomoreSpanishlessonsandhaveHenarezsentabouthisbusiness。Butinspiteofallmybraveresolutions,IfeelthatthehorriblesensationwhichcomesovermewhenIseethatmanhasbecomenecessarytome。Isaytomyself,“Oncemore,andthenIwillspeak。“
Hisvoice,mydear,issweetlythrilling;hisspeakingisjustlikelaFodor’ssinging。Hismannersaresimple,entirelyfreefromaffectation。Andwhatteeth!
Justnow,ashewasleaving,heseemedtodivinetheinterestItakeinhim,andmadeagesture——oh!mostrespectfully——asthoughtotakemyhandandkissit;thencheckedhimself,apparentlyterrifiedathisownboldnessandthechasmhehadbeenonthepointofbridging。Therewasthemerestsuggestionofallthis,butIunderstooditandsmiled,fornothingismorepatheticthantoseethefrankimpulseofaninferiorcheckingitselfabashed。Theloveofaplebeianforagirlofnoblebirthimpliessuchcourage!
Mysmileemboldenedhim。Thepoorfellowlookedblindlyaboutforhishat;heseemeddeterminednottofindit,andIhandedittohimwithperfectgravity。Hiseyeswerewetwithunshedtears。Itwasamerepassingmoment,yetaworldoffactsandideaswerecontainedinit。
Weunderstoodeachothersowellthat,onasudden,Iheldoutmyhandforhimtokiss。
Possiblythiswasequivalenttotellinghimthatlovemightbridgetheintervalbetweenus。Well,Icannottellwhatmovedmetodoit。
GriffithhadherbackturnedasIproudlyextendedmylittlewhitepaw。Ifeltthefireofhislips,temperedbytwobigtears。Oh!mylove,Ilayinmyarmchair,nerveless,dreamy。Iwashappy,andI
cannotexplaintoyouhoworwhy。WhatIfeltonlyapoetcouldexpress。Mycondescension,whichfillsmewithshamenow,seemedtomethensomethingtobeproudof;hehadfascinatedme,thatismyoneexcuse。
Friday。