Inwhichstateofagitation，MrMerdle，evasivelyrollinghiseyesroundtheChiefButler’sshoeswithoutraisingthemtotheindexofthatstupendouscreature’sthoughts，hadsignifiedtohimhisintentionofgivingaspecialdinner：notaverylargedinner，butaveryspecialdinner。TheChiefButlerhadsignified，inreturn，thathehadnoobjectiontolookonatthemostexpensivethinginthatwaythatcouldbedone；andthedayofthedinnerwasnowcome。
　　MrMerdlestoodinoneofhisdrawing-rooms，withhisbacktothefire，waitingforthearrivalofhisimportantguests。Heseldomornevertookthelibertyofstandingwithhisbacktothefireunlesshewasquitealone。InthepresenceoftheChiefButler，hecouldnothavedonesuchadeed。Hewouldhaveclaspedhimselfbythewristsinthatconstabularymannerofhis，andhavepacedupanddownthehearthrug，orgonecreepingaboutamongtherichobjectsoffurniture，ifhisoppressiveretainerhadappearedintheroomatthatverymoment。Theslyshadowswhichseemedtodartoutofhidingwhenthefirerose，andtodartbackintoitwhenthefirefell，weresufficientwitnessesofhismakinghimselfsoeasy。
　　Theywereevenmorethansufficient，ifhisuncomfortableglancesatthemmightbetakentomeananything。
　　MrMerdle’srighthandwasfilledwiththeeveningpaper，andtheeveningpaperwasfullofMrMerdle。Hiswonderfulenterprise，hiswonderfulwealth，hiswonderfulBank，werethefatteningfoodoftheeveningpaperthatnight。ThewonderfulBank，ofwhichhewasthechiefprojector，establisher，andmanager，wasthelatestofthemanyMerdlewonders。SomodestwasMrMerdlewithal，inthemidstofthesesplendidachievements，thathelookedfarmorelikeamaninpossessionofhishouseunderadistraint，thanacommercialColossusbestridinghisownhearthrug，whilethelittleshipsweresailingintodinner。
　　Beholdthevesselscomingintoport!TheengagingyoungBarnaclewasthefirstarrival；butBarovertookhimonthestaircase。Bar，strengthenedasusualwithhisdoubleeye-glassandhislittlejurydroop，wasoverjoyedtoseetheengagingyoungBarnacle；andopinedthatweweregoingtositinBanco，aswelawyerscalledit，totakeaspecialargument？
　　’Indeed，’saidthesprightlyyoungBarnacle，whosenamewasFerdinand；’howso？’
　　’Nay，’smiledBar。’Ifyoudon’tknow，howcanIknow？Youareintheinnermostsanctuaryofthetemple；Iamoneoftheadmiringconcourseontheplainwithout。’
　　Barcouldbelightinhand，orheavyinhand，accordingtothecustomerhehadtodealwith。WithFerdinandBarnaclehewasgossamer。Barwaslikewisealwaysmodestandself-depreciatory——inhisway。Barwasamanofgreatvariety；butoneleadingthreadranthroughthewoofofallhispatterns。Everymanwithwhomhehadtodowasinhiseyesajury-man；andhemustgetthatjury-manover，ifhecould。
　　’Ourillustrioushostandfriend，’saidBar；’ourshiningmercantilestar；——goingintopolitics？’
　　’Going？HehasbeeninParliamentsometime，youknow，’returnedtheengagingyoungBarnacle。
　　’True，’saidBar，withhislight-comedylaughforspecialjury-men，whichwasaverydifferentthingfromhislow-comedylaughforcomictradesmenoncommonjuries：’hehasbeeninParliamentforsometime。Yethithertoourstarhasbeenavacillatingandwaveringstar？Humph？’
　　AnaveragewitnesswouldhavebeenseducedbytheHumph？intoanaffirmativeanswer，ButFerdinandBarnaclelookedknowinglyatBarashestrolledup-stairs，andgavehimnoansweratall。
　　’Justso，justso，’saidBar，noddinghishead，forhewasnottobeputoffinthatway，’andthereforeIspokeofoursittinginBancototakeaspecialargument——meaningthistobeahighandsolemnoccasion，when，asCaptainMacheathsays，“thejudgesaremet：aterribleshow!“Welawyersaresufficientlyliberal，yousee，toquotetheCaptain，thoughtheCaptainissevereuponus。
　　Nevertheless，IthinkIcouldputinevidenceanadmissionoftheCaptain’s，’saidBar，withalittlejocoserollofhishead；for，inhislegalcurrentofspeech，healwaysassumedtheairofrallyinghimselfwiththebestgraceintheworld；’anadmissionoftheCaptain’sthatLaw，inthegross，isatleastintendedtobeimpartial。ForwhatsaystheCaptain，ifIquotehimcorrectly——
　　andifnot，’withalight-comedytouchofhisdoubleeye-glassonhiscompanion’sshoulder，’mylearnedfriendwillsetmeright：
　　“Sincelawsweremadeforeverydegree，Tocurbviceinothersaswellasinme，Iwonderweha’n’tbettercompanyUponTyburnTree!“’
　　Thesewordsbroughtthemtothedrawing-room，whereMrMerdlestoodbeforethefire。SoimmenselyastoundedwasMrMerdlebytheentranceofBarwithsuchareferenceinhismouth，thatBarexplainedhimselftohavebeenquotingGay。’AssuredlynotoneofourWestminsterHallauthorities，’saidhe，’butstillnodespicableonetoamanpossessingthelargely-practicalMrMerdle’sknowledgeoftheworld。’
　　MrMerdlelookedasifhethoughthewouldsaysomething，butsubsequentlylookedasifhethoughthewouldn’t。TheintervalaffordedtimeforBishoptobeannounced。
　　Bishopcameinwithmeekness，andyetwithastrongandrapidstepasifhewantedtogethisseven-leaguedress-shoeson，andgoroundtheworldtoseethateverybodywasinasatisfactorystate。
　　Bishophadnoideathattherewasanythingsignificantintheoccasion。Thatwasthemostremarkabletraitinhisdemeanour。Hewascrisp，fresh，cheerful，affable，bland；butsosurprisinglyinnocent。
　　BarsidleduptopreferhispolitestinquiriesinreferencetothehealthofMrsBishop。MrsBishophadbeenalittleunfortunateinthearticleoftakingcoldataConfirmation，butotherwisewaswell。YoungMrBishopwasalsowell。Hewasdown，withhisyoungwifeandlittlefamily，athisCureofSouls。TherepresentativesoftheBarnacleChorusdroppedinnext，andMrMerdle’sphysiciandroppedinnext。Bar，whohadabitofoneeyeandabitofhisdoubleeye-glassforeveryonewhocameinatthedoor，nomatterwithwhomhewasconversingorwhathewastalkingabout，gotamongthemallbysomeskilfulmeans，withoutbeingseentogetatthem，andtouchedeachindividualgentlemanofthejuryonhisownindividualfavouritespot。WithsomeoftheChorus，helaughedaboutthesleepymemberwhohadgoneoutintothelobbytheothernight，andvotedthewrongway：withothers，hedeploredthatinnovatingspiritinthetimewhichcouldnotevenbepreventedfromtakinganunnaturalinterestinthepublicserviceandthepublicmoney：withthephysicianhehadawordtosayaboutthegeneralhealth；hehadalsoalittleinformationtoaskhimfor，concerningaprofessionalmanofunquestionederuditionandpolishedmanners——butthosecredentialsintheirhighestdevelopmenthebelievedwerethepossessionofotherprofessorsofthehealingartjurydroop——whomhehadhappenedtohaveinthewitness-boxthedaybeforeyesterday，andfromwhomhehadelicitedincross-examinationthatheclaimedtobeoneoftheexponentsofthisnewmodeoftreatmentwhichappearedtoBarto——eh？——well，Barthoughtso；Barhadthought，andhoped，Physicianwouldtellhimso。Withoutpresumingtodecidewheredoctorsdisagreed，itdidappeartoBar，viewingitasaquestionofcommonsenseandnotofso-calledlegalpenetration，thatthisnewsystemwas——mightbe，inthepresenceofsogreatanauthority——say，Humbug？Ah!Fortifiedbysuchencouragement，hecouldventuretosayHumbug；andnowBar’smindwasrelieved。
　　MrTiteBarnacle，who，likeDrjohnson’scelebratedacquaintance，hadonlyoneideainhisheadandthatwasawrongone，hadappearedbythistime。ThiseminentgentlemanandMrMerdle，seateddiversewaysandwithruminatingaspectsonayellowottomaninthelightofthefire，holdingnoverbalcommunicationwitheachother，boreastronggeneralresemblancetothetwocowsintheCuyppictureoveragainstthem。
　　Butnow，LordDecimusarrived。TheChiefButler，whouptothistimehadlimitedhimselftoabranchofhisusualfunctionbylookingatthecompanyastheyenteredandthat，withmoreofdefiancethanfavour，puthimselfsofaroutofhiswayastocomeup-stairswithhimandannouncehim。LordDecimusbeinganoverpoweringpeer，abashfulyoungmemberoftheLowerHousewhowasthelastfishbutonecaughtbytheBarnacles，andwhohadbeeninvitedonthisoccasiontocommemoratehiscapture，shuthiseyeswhenhisLordshipcamein。
　　LordDecimus，nevertheless，wasgladtoseetheMember。HewasalsogladtoseeMrMerdle，gladtoseeBishop，gladtoseeBar，gladtoseePhysician，gladtoseeTiteBarnacle，gladtoseeChorus，gladtoseeFerdinandhisprivatesecretary。LordDecimus，thoughoneofthegreatestoftheearth，wasnotremarkableforingratiatorymanners，andFerdinandhadcoachedhimuptothepointofnoticingallthefellowshemightfindthere，andsayinghewasgladtoseethem。Whenhehadachievedthisrushofvivacityandcondescension，hisLordshipcomposedhimselfintothepictureafterCuyp，andmadeathirdcowinthegroup。
　　Bar，whofeltthathehadgotalltherestofthejuryandmustnowlayholdoftheForeman，sooncamesidlingup，doubleeye-glassinhand。Bartenderedtheweather，asasubjectneatlyalooffromofficialreserve，fortheForeman’sconsideration。Barsaidthathewastoldaseverybodyalwaysistold，thoughwhotellsthem，andwhy，willeverremainamystery，thattherewastobenowall-
　　fruitthisyear。LordDecimushadnotheardanythingamissofhispeaches，butratherbelieved，ifhispeoplewerecorrect，hewastohavenoapples。Noapples？Barwaslostinastonishmentandconcern。Itwouldhavebeenallonetohim，inreality，iftherehadnotbeenapippinonthesurfaceoftheearth，buthisshowofinterestinthisapplequestionwaspositivelypainful。Now，towhat，LordDecimus——forwetroublesomelawyerslovedtogatherinformation，andcouldnevertellhowusefulitmightprovetous——
　　towhat，LordDecimus，wasthistobeattributed？LordDecimuscouldnotundertaketopropoundanytheoryaboutit。Thismighthavestoppedanotherman；butBar，stickingtohimfreshasever，said，’Astopears，now？’
　　LongafterBargotmadeAttorney-General，thiswastoldofhimasamaster-stroke。LordDecimushadareminiscenceaboutapear-treeformerlygrowinginagardennearthebackofhisdame’shouseatEton，uponwhichpear-treetheonlyjokeofhislifeperenniallybloomed。Itwasajokeofacompactandportablenature，turningonthedifferencebetweenEtonpearsandParliamentarypairs；butitwasajoke，arefinedrelishofwhichwouldseemtohaveappearedtoLordDecimusimpossibletobehadwithoutathoroughandintimateacquaintancewiththetree。Therefore，thestoryatfirsthadnoideaofsuchatree，sir，thengraduallyfounditinwinter，carrieditthroughthechangingseason，sawitbud，sawitblossom，sawitbearfruit，sawthefruitripen；inshort，cultivatedthetreeinthatdiligentandminutemannerbeforeitgotoutofthebed-roomwindowtostealthefruit，thatmanythankshadbeenofferedupbybelatedlistenersforthetreeshavingbeenplantedandgraftedpriortoLordDecimus’stime。Bar’sinterestinappleswassoovertoppedbythewraptsuspenseinwhichhepursuedthechangesofthesepears，fromthemomentwhenLordDecimussolemnlyopenedwith’Yourmentioningpearsrecallstomyremembranceapear-tree，’downtotherichconclusion，’Andsowepass，throughthevariouschangesoflife，fromEtonpearstoParliamentarypairs，’thathehadtogodown-stairswithLordDecimus，andeventhentobeseatednexttohimattableinorderthathemightheartheanecdoteout。Bythattime，BarfeltthathehadsecuredtheForeman，andmightgotodinnerwithagoodappetite。
　　Itwasadinnertoprovokeanappetite，thoughhehadnothadone。
　　Therarestdishes，sumptuouslycookedandsumptuouslyserved；thechoicestfruits；themostexquisitewines；marvelsofworkmanshipingoldandsilver，chinaandglass；innumerablethingsdelicioustothesensesoftaste，smell，andsight，wereinsinuatedintoitscomposition。O，whatawonderfulmanthisMerdle，whatagreatman，whatamasterman，howblessedlyandenviablyendowed——inoneword，whatarichman!
　　Hetookhisusualpooreighteenpennyworthoffoodinhisusualindigestiveway，andhadaslittletosayforhimselfaseverawonderfulmanhad。FortunatelyLordDecimuswasoneofthosesublimitieswhohavenooccasiontobetalkedto，fortheycanbeatanytimesufficientlyoccupiedwiththecontemplationoftheirowngreatness。ThisenabledthebashfulyoungMembertokeephiseyesopenlongenoughatatimetoseehisdinner。But，wheneverLordDecimusspoke，heshutthemagain。
　　TheagreeableyoungBarnacle，andBar，werethetalkersoftheparty。Bishopwouldhavebeenexceedinglyagreeablealso，butthathisinnocencestoodinhisway。Hewassosoonleftbehind。Whentherewasanylittlehintofanythingbeinginthewind，hegotlostdirectly。Worldlyaffairsweretoomuchforhim；hecouldn’tmakethemoutatall。
　　ThiswasobservablewhenBarsaid，incidentally，thathewashappytohaveheardthatweweresoontohavetheadvantageofenlistingonthegoodside，thesoundandplainsagacity——notdemonstrativeorostentatious，butthoroughlysoundandpractical——ofourfriendMrSparkler。
　　FerdinandBarnaclelaughed，andsaidohyes，hebelievedso。A
　　votewasavote，andalwaysacceptable。
　　BarwassorrytomissourgoodfriendMrSparklerto-day，MrMerdle。