’Butthisisnot,’sheadded,withthequieteffortagain,’whatI
havecometotroubleyouwith,sir。Mysister’shavingfoundafriend,aladyshehastoldmeofandmademeratheranxiousabout,wasthefirstcauseofmycomingawayfromhome。Andbeingaway,andcomingonpurposeroundbywhereyoulivedandseeingalightinthewindow——’
Notforthefirsttime。No,notforthefirsttime。InLittleDorrit’seyes,theoutsideofthatwindowhadbeenadistantstaronothernightsthanthis。Shehadtoiledoutofherway,tiredandtroubled,tolookupatit,andwonderaboutthegrave,browngentlemanfromsofaroff,whohadspokentoherasafriendandprotector。
’Therewerethreethings,’saidLittleDorrit,’thatIthoughtI
wouldliketosay,ifyouwerealoneandImightcomeup-stairs。
First,whatIhavetriedtosay,butnevercan——nevershall——’
’Hush,hush!Thatisdonewith,anddisposedof。Letuspasstothesecond,’saidClennam,smilingheragitationaway,makingtheblazeshineuponher,andputtingwineandcakeandfruittowardsheronthetable。
’Ithink,’saidLittleDorrit——’thisisthesecondthing,sir——I
thinkMrsClennammusthavefoundoutmysecret,andmustknowwhereIcomefromandwhereIgoto。WhereIlive,Imean。’
’Indeed!’returnedClennamquickly。Heaskedher,aftershortconsideration,whyshesupposedso。
’Ithink,’repliedLittleDorrit,’thatMrFlintwinchmusthavewatchedme。’
Andwhy,Clennamasked,asheturnedhiseyesuponthefire,benthisbrows,andconsideredagain;whydidshesupposethat?
’Ihavemethimtwice。Bothtimesnearhome。Bothtimesatnight,whenIwasgoingback。BothtimesIthoughtthoughthatmayeasilybemymistake,thathehardlylookedasifhehadmetmebyaccident。’
’Didhesayanything?’
’No;heonlynoddedandputhisheadononeside。’
’Thedeviltakehishead!’musedClennam,stilllookingatthefire;’it’salwaysononeside。’
Herousedhimselftopersuadehertoputsomewinetoherlips,andtotouchsomethingtoeat——itwasverydifficult,shewassotimidandshy——andthensaid,musingagain:
’Ismymotheratallchangedtoyou?’
’Oh,notatall。Sheisjustthesame。IwonderedwhetherIhadbettertellhermyhistory。IwonderedwhetherImight——Imean,whetheryouwouldlikemetotellher。Iwondered,’saidLittleDorrit,lookingathiminasuppliantway,andgraduallywithdrawinghereyesashelookedather,’whetheryouwouldadvisemewhatIoughttodo。’
’LittleDorrit,’saidClennam;andthephrasehadalreadybegun,betweenthesetwo,tostandforahundredgentlephrases,accordingtothevaryingtoneandconnectioninwhichitwasused;’donothing。Iwillhavesometalkwithmyoldfriend,MrsAffery。Donothing,LittleDorrit——exceptrefreshyourselfwithsuchmeansastherearehere。Ientreatyoutodothat。’
’Thankyou,Iamnothungry。Nor,’saidLittleDorrit,ashesoftlyputherglasstowardsher,’northirsty——IthinkMaggymightlikesomething,perhaps。’
’Wewillmakeherfindpocketspresentlyforallthereishere,’
saidClennam:’butbeforeweawakeher,therewasathirdthingtosay。’
’Yes。Youwillnotbeoffended,sir?’
’Ipromisethat,unreservedly。’
’Itwillsoundstrange。Ihardlyknowhowtosayit。Don’tthinkitunreasonableorungratefulinme,’saidLittleDorrit,withreturningandincreasingagitation。
’No,no,no。Iamsureitwillbenaturalandright。IamnotafraidthatIshallputawrongconstructiononit,whateveritis。’
’Thankyou。Youarecomingbacktoseemyfatheragain?’
’Yes。’
’Youhavebeensogoodandthoughtfulastowritehimanote,sayingthatyouarecomingto-morrow?’
’Oh,thatwasnothing!Yes。’
’Canyouguess,’saidLittleDorrit,foldinghersmallhandstightinoneanother,andlookingathimwithalltheearnestnessofhersoullookingsteadilyoutofhereyes,’whatIamgoingtoaskyounottodo?’
’IthinkIcan。ButImaybewrong。’
’No,youarenotwrong,’saidLittleDorrit,shakingherhead。’Ifweshouldwantitsovery,verybadlythatwecannotdowithoutit,letmeaskyouforit。’
’IWill,——IWill。’
’Don’tencouragehimtoask。Don’tunderstandhimifhedoesask。
Don’tgiveittohim。Savehimandsparehimthat,andyouwillbeabletothinkbetterofhim!’
Clennamsaid——notveryplainly,seeingthosetearsglisteninginheranxiouseyes——thatherwishshouldbesacredwithhim。
’Youdon’tknowwhatheis,’shesaid;’youdon’tknowwhathereallyis。Howcanyou,seeinghimthereallatonce,dearlove,andnotgradually,asIhavedone!Youhavebeensogoodtous,sodelicatelyandtrulygood,thatIwanthimtobebetterinyoureyesthaninanybody’s。AndIcannotbeartothink,’criedLittleDorrit,coveringhertearswithherhands,’Icannotbeartothinkthatyouofalltheworldshouldseehiminhisonlymomentsofdegradation。’
’Pray,’saidClennam,’donotbesodistressed。Pray,pray,LittleDorrit!Thisisquiteunderstoodnow。’
’Thankyou,sir。Thankyou!Ihavetriedverymuchtokeepmyselffromsayingthis;Ihavethoughtaboutit,daysandnights;butwhenIknewforcertainyouwerecomingagain,Imadeupmymindtospeaktoyou。NotbecauseIamashamedofhim,’shedriedhertearsquickly,’butbecauseIknowhimbetterthananyonedoes,andlovehim,andamproudofhim。’
Relievedofthisweight,LittleDorritwasnervouslyanxioustobegone。Maggybeingbroadawake,andintheactofdistantlygloatingoverthefruitandcakeswithchucklesofanticipation,Clennammadethebestdiversioninhispowerbypouringheroutaglassofwine,whichshedrankinaseriesofloudsmacks;puttingherhanduponherwindpipeaftereveryone,andsaying,breathless,withhereyesinaprominentstate,’Oh,ain’titd’licious!Ain’tithospitally!’Whenshehadfinishedthewineandtheseencomiums,hechargedhertoloadherbasketshewasneverwithoutherbasketwitheveryeatablethinguponthetable,andtotakeespecialcaretoleavenoscrapbehind。Maggy’spleasureindoingthisandherlittlemother’spleasureinseeingMaggypleased,wasasgoodaturnascircumstancescouldhavegiventothelateconversation。
’Butthegateswillhavebeenlockedlongago,’saidClennam,suddenlyrememberingit。’Whereareyougoing?’
’IamgoingtoMaggy’slodging,’answeredLittleDorrit。’Ishallbequitesafe,quitewelltakencareof。’
’Imustaccompanyyouthere,’saidClennam,’Icannotletyougoalone。’
’Yes,prayleaveustogotherebyourselves。Praydo!’beggedLittleDorrit。
Shewassoearnestinthepetition,thatClennamfeltadelicacyinobtrudinghimselfuponher:therather,becausehecouldwellunderstandthatMaggy’slodgingwasoftheobscurestsort。’Come,Maggy,’saidLittleDorritcheerily,’weshalldoverywell;weknowthewaybythistime,Maggy?’
’Yes,yes,littlemother;weknowtheway,’chuckledMaggy。Andawaytheywent。LittleDorritturnedatthedoortosay,’Godblessyou!’Shesaiditverysoftly,butperhapsshemayhavebeenasaudibleabove——whoknows!——asawholecathedralchoir。
ArthurClennamsufferedthemtopassthecornerofthestreetbeforehefollowedatadistance;notwithanyideaofencroachingasecondtimeonLittleDorrit’sprivacy,buttosatisfyhismindbyseeinghersecureintheneighbourhoodtowhichshewasaccustomed。Sodiminutiveshelooked,sofragileanddefencelessagainstthebleakdampweather,flittingalongintheshufflingshadowofhercharge,thathefelt,inhiscompassion,andinhishabitofconsideringherachildapartfromtherestoftheroughworld,asifhewouldhavebeengladtotakeherupinhisarmsandcarryhertoherjourney’send。
IncourseoftimeshecameintotheleadingthoroughfarewheretheMarshalseawas,andthenhesawthemslackentheirpace,andsoonturndownaby-street。Hestopped,feltthathehadnorighttogofurther,andslowlyleftthem。Hehadnosuspicionthattheyrananyriskofbeinghouselessuntilmorning;hadnoideaofthetruthuntillong,longafterwards。
But,saidLittleDorrit,whentheystoppedatapoordwellingallindarkness,andheardnosoundonlisteningatthedoor,’Now,thisisagoodlodgingforyou,Maggy,andwemustnotgiveoffence。Consequently,wewillonlyknocktwice,andnotveryloud;andifwecannotwakethemso,wemustwalkabouttillday。’
Once,LittleDorritknockedwithacarefulhand,andlistened。
Twice,LittleDorritknockedwithacarefulhand,andlistened。
Allwascloseandstill。’Maggy,wemustdothebestwecan,mydear。Wemustbepatient,andwaitforday。’
Itwasachilldarknight,withadampwindblowing,whentheycameoutintotheleadingstreetagain,andheardtheclocksstrikehalf-pastone。’Inonlyfivehoursandahalf,’saidLittleDorrit,’weshallbeabletogohome。’Tospeakofhome,andtogoandlookatit,itbeingsonear,wasanaturalsequence。Theywenttotheclosedgate,andpeepedthroughintothecourt-yard。
’Ihopeheissoundasleep,’saidLittleDorrit,kissingoneofthebars,’anddoesnotmissme。’
Thegatewassofamiliar,andsolikeacompanion,thattheyputdownMaggy’sbasketinacornertoserveforaseat,andkeepingclosetogether,restedthereforsometime。Whilethestreetwasemptyandsilent,LittleDorritwasnotafraid;butwhensheheardafootstepatadistance,orsawamovingshadowamongthestreetlamps,shewasstartled,andwhispered,’Maggy,Iseesomeone。
Comeaway!’Maggywouldthenwakeupmoreorlessfretfully,andtheywouldwanderaboutalittle,andcomebackagain。
Aslongaseatingwasanoveltyandanamusement,Maggykeptupprettywell。Butthatperiodgoingby,shebecamequerulousaboutthecold,andshiveredandwhimpered。’Itwillsoonbeover,dear,’saidLittleDorritpatiently。’Ohit’sallveryfineforyou,littlemother,’returnedMaggy,’butI’mapoorthing,onlytenyearsold。’Atlast,inthedeadofthenight,whenthestreetwasverystillindeed,LittleDorritlaidtheheavyheaduponherbosom,andsoothedhertosleep。Andthusshesatatthegate,asitwerealone;lookingupatthestars,andseeingthecloudspassoverthemintheirwildflight——whichwasthedanceatLittleDorrit’sparty。
’Ifitreallywasaparty!’shethoughtonce,asshesatthere。
’Ifitwaslightandwarmandbeautiful,anditwasourhouse,andmypoordearwasitsmaster,andhadneverbeeninsidethesewalls。
AndifMrClennamwasoneofourvisitors,andweweredancingtodelightfulmusic,andwereallasgayandlight-heartedaseverwecouldbe!Iwonder——’Suchavistaofwonderopenedoutbeforeher,thatshesatlookingupatthestars,quitelost,untilMaggywasquerulousagain,andwantedtogetupandwalk。