Mr。Bhaerspokewarmly,andwalkedtothefire,crumplingthepaperinhishands。Josatstill,lookingasifthefirehadcometoher,forhercheeksburnedlongafterthecockedhathadturnedtosmokeandgoneharmlesslyupthechimney。
“Ishouldlikemuchtosendalltherestafterhim,“mutteredtheProfessor,comingbackwitharelievedair。
Jothoughtwhatablazeherpileofpapersupstairswouldmake,andherhard-earnedmoneylayratherheavilyonherconscienceatthatminute。Thenshethoughtconsolinglytoherself,“Minearenotlikethat,theyareonlysilly,neverbad,soIwon’tbeworried,“andtakingupherbook,shesaid,withastudiousface,“Shallwegoon,Sir?I’llbeverygoodandpropernow。“
“Ishallhopeso,“wasallhesaid,buthemeantmorethansheimagined,andthegrave,kindlookhegavehermadeherfeelasifthewordsWeeklyVolcanowereprintedinlargetypeonherforehead。
Assoonasshewenttoherroom,shegotoutherpapers,andcarefullyrereadeveryoneofherstories。Beingalittleshortsighted,Mr。Bhaersometimesusedeyeglasses,andJohadtriedthemonce,smilingtoseehowtheymagnifiedthefineprintofherbook。NowsheseemedtohaveontheProfessor’smentalormoralspectaclesalso,forthefaultsofthesepoorstoriesglaredatherdreadfullyandfilledherwithdismay。
“Theyaretrash,andwillsoonbeworsetrashifIgoon,foreachismoresensationalthanthelast。I’vegoneblindlyon,hurtingmyselfandotherpeople,forthesakeofmoney。Iknowit’sso,forIcan’treadthisstuffinsoberearnestwithoutbeinghorriblyashamedofit,andwhatshouldIdoiftheywereseenathomeorMr。Bhaergotholdofthem?“
Joturnedhotatthebareidea,andstuffedthewholebundleintoherstove,nearlysettingthechimneyafirewiththeblaze。
“Yes,that’sthebestplaceforsuchinflammablenonsense。
I’dbetterburnthehousedown,Isuppose,thanletotherpeopleblowthemselvesupwithmygunpowder,“shethoughtasshewatchedtheDemonoftheJurawhiskaway,alittleblackcinderwithfieryeyes。
Butwhennothingremainedofallherthreemonth’sworkexceptaheapofashesandthemoneyinherlap,Jolookedsober,asshesatonthefloor,wonderingwhatsheoughttodoaboutherwages。
“IthinkIhaven’tdonemuchharmyet,andmaykeepthistopayformytime,“shesaid,afteralongmeditation,addingimpatiently,“IalmostwishIhadn’tanyconscience,it’ssoinconvenient。IfIdidn’tcareaboutdoingright,anddidn’tfeeluncomfortablewhendoingwrong,Ishouldgetoncapitally。
Ican’thelpwishingsometimes,thatMotherandFatherhadn’tbeensoparticularaboutsuchthings。“
Ah,Jo,insteadofwishingthat,thankGodthat`FatherandMotherwereparticular’。andpityfromyourheartthosewhohavenosuchguardianstohedgethemroundwithprincipleswhichmayseemlikeprisonwallstoimpatientyouth,butwhichwillprovesurefoundationstobuildcharacteruponinwomanhood。
Jowrotenomoresensationalstories,decidingthatthemoneydidnotpayforhershareofthesensation,butgoingtotheotherextreme,asisthewaywithpeopleofherstamp,shetookacourseofMrs。Sherwood,MissEdgeworth,andHannahMore,andthenproducedatalewhichmighthavebeenmoreproperlycalledanessayorasermon,sointenselymoralwasit。Shehadherdoubtsaboutitfromthebeginning,forherlivelyfancyandgirlishromancefeltasillateaseinthenewstyleasshewouldhavedonemasqueradinginthestiffandcumbrouscostumeofthelastcentury。Shesentthisdidacticgemtoseveralmarkets,butitfoundnopurchaser,andshewasinclinedtoagreewithMr。Dashwoodthatmoralsdidn’tsell。
Thenshetriedachild’sstory,whichshecouldeasilyhavedisposedofifshehadnotbeenmercenaryenoughtodemandfilthylucreforit。Theonlypersonwhoofferedenoughtomakeitworthherwhiletotryjuvenileliteraturewasaworthygentlemanwhofeltithismissiontoconvertalltheworldtohisparticularbelief。Butmuchasshelikedtowriteforchildren,JocouldnotconsenttodepictallhernaughtyboysasbeingeatenbybearsortossedbymadbullsbecausetheydidnotgotoaparticularSabbathschool,norallthegoodinfantswhodidgoasrewardedbyeverykindofbliss,fromgildedgingerbreadtoescortsofangelswhentheydepartedthislifewithpsalmsorsermonsontheirlispingtongues。Sonothingcameofthesetrials,landJocorkedupherinkstand,andsaidinafitofverywholesomehumility……
“Idon’tknowanything。I’llwaituntilIdobeforeItryagain,andmeantime,`sweepmudinthestreet’ifIcan’tdobetter,that’shonest,atleast。“Whichdecisionprovedthathersecondtumbledownthebeanstalkhaddonehersomegood。
Whiletheseinternalrevolutionsweregoingon,herexternallifehadbeenasbusyanduneventfulasusual,andifshesometimeslookedseriousoralittlesadnooneobserveditbutProfessorBhaer。HediditsoquietlythatJoneverknewhewaswatchingtoseeifshewouldacceptandprofitbyhisreproof,butshestoodthetest,andhewassatisfied,forthoughnowordspassedbetweenthem,heknewthatshehadgivenupwriting。Notonlydidheguessitbythefactthatthesecondfingerofherrighthandwasnolongerinky,butshespenthereveningsdownstairsnow,wasmetnomoreamongnewspaperoffices,andstudiedwithadoggedpatience,whichassuredhimthatshewasbentonoccupyinghermindwithsomethinguseful,ifnotpleasant。
Hehelpedherinmanyways,provinghimselfatruefriend,andJowashappy,forwhileherpenlayidle,shewaslearningotherlessonsbesidesGerman,andlayingafoundationforthesensationstoryofherownlife。
Itwasapleasantwinterandalongone,forshedidnotleaveMrs。KirketillJune。Everyoneseemedsorrywhenthetimecame。Thechildrenwereinconsolable,andMr。Bhaer’shairstuckstraightupalloverhishead,forhealwaysrumpleditwildlywhendisturbedinmind。
“Goinghome?Ah,youarehappythatyouhafahometogoin,“hesaid,whenshetoldhim,andsatsilentlypullinghisbeardinthecorner,whilesheheldalittleleveeonthatlastevening。
Shewasgoingearly,soshebadethemallgoodbyeovernight,andwhenhisturncame,shesaidwarmly,“Now,Sir,youwon’tforgettocomeandseeus,ifyouevertravelourway,willyou?
I’llneverforgiveyouifyoudo,forIwantthemalltoknowmyfriend。“
“Doyou?ShallIcome?“heasked,lookingdownatherwithaneagerexpressionwhichshedidnotsee。
“Yes,comenextmonth。Lauriegraduatesthen,andyou’denjoycommencementassomethingnew。“
“Thatisyourbestfriend,ofwhomyouspeak?“hesaidinanalteredtone。
“Yes,myboyTeddy。I’mveryproudofhimandshouldlikeyoutoseehim。“
Jolookedupthen,quiteunconsciousofanythingbutherownpleasureintheprospectofshowingthemtooneanother。
SomethinginMr。Bhaer’sfacesuddenlyrecalledthefactthatshemightfindLauriemorethana`bestfriend’,andsimplybecausesheparticularlywishednottolookasifanythingwasthematter,sheinvoluntarilybegantoblush,andthemoreshetriednotto,thereddershegrew。IfithadnotbeenforTinaonherknee。Shedidn’tknowwhatwouldhavebecomeofher。
Fortunatelythechildwasmovedtohugher,soshemanagedtohideherfaceaninstant,hopingtheProfessordidnotseeit。
Buthedid,andhisownchangedagainfromthatmomentaryanxietytoitsusualexpression,ashesaidcordially……
“IfearIshallnotmakethetimeforthat,butIwishthefriendmuchsuccess,andyouallhappiness。Gottblessyou!“Andwiththat,heshookhandswarmly,shoulderedTina,andwentaway。
Butaftertheboyswereabed,hesatlongbeforehisfirewiththetiredlookonhisfaceandthe`heimweh’,orhomesickness,lyingheavyathisheart。Once,whenherememberedJoasshesatwiththelittlechildinherlapandthatnewsoftnessinherface,heleanedhisheadonhishandsaminute,andthenroamedabouttheroom,asifinsearchofsomethingthathecouldnotfind。
“Itisnotforme,Imustnothopeitnow,“hesaidtohimself,withasighthatwasalmostagroan。Then,asifreproach-
inghimselfforthelongingthathecouldnotrepress,hewentandkissedthetwotousledheadsuponthepillow,tookdownhisseldom-usedmeerschaum,andopenedhisPlato。
Hedidhisbestanddiditmanfully,butIdon’tthinkhefoundthatapairoframpantboys,apipe,oreventhedivinePlato,wereverysatisfactorysubstitutesforwifeandchildathome。
Earlyasitwas,hewasatthestationnextmorningtoseeJooff,andthankstohim,shebeganhersolitaryjourneywiththepleasantmemoryofafamiliarfacesmilingitsfarewell,abunchofvioletstokeephercompany,andbestofall,thehappythought,“Well,thewinter’sgone,andI’vewrittennobooks,earnednofortune,butI’vemadeafriendworthhavingandI’lltrytokeephimallmylife。“
Whateverhismotivemighthavebeen,Lauriestudiedtosomepurposethatyear,forhegraduatedwithhonor,andgavetheLatinorationwiththegraceofaPhillipsandtheeloquenceofaDemosthenes,sohisfriendssaid。Theywereallthere,hisgrandfather——oh,soproud——Mr。andMrs。March,JohnandMeg,JoandBeth,andallexultedoverhimwiththesincereadmirationwhichboysmakelightofatthetime,butfailtowinfromtheworldbyanyafter-triumphs。
“I’vegottostayforthisconfoundedsupper,butIshallbehomeearlytomorrow。You’llcomeandmeetmeasusual,girls?“Lauriesaid,asheputthesistersintothecarriageafterthejoysofthedaywereover。Hesaid`girls’,buthemeantJo,forshewastheonlyonewhokeptuptheoldcustom。
Shehadnotthehearttorefusehersplendid,successfulboyanything,andansweredwarmly……
“I’llcome,Teddy,rainorshine,andmarchbeforeyou,playing`Hailtheconqueringherocomes’onajew’s-harp。“
Lauriethankedherwithalookthatmadeherthinkinasuddenpanic,“Oh,dearyme!Iknowhe’llsaysomething,andthenwhatshallIdo?“
Eveningmeditationandmorningworksomewhatallayedherfears,andhavingdecidedthatshewouldn’tbevainenoughtothinkpeopleweregoingtoproposewhenshehadgiventhemeveryreasontoknowwhatheranswerwouldbe,shesetforthattheappointedtime,hopingTeddywouldn’tdoanythingtomakeherhurthispoorfeelings。AcallatMeg’s,andarefreshingsniffandsipattheDaisyandDemijohn,stillfurtherfortifiedherforthetete-a-tete,butwhenshesawastalwartfigureloominginthedistance,shehadastrongdesiretoturnaboutandrunaway。
“Where’sthejew’s-harp,Jo?“criedLaurie,assoonashewaswithinspeakingdistance。
“Iforgotit。“AndJotookheartagain,forthatsalutationcouldnotbecalledloverlike。
Shealwaysusedtotakehisarmontheseoccasions,nowshedidnot,andhemadenocomplaint,whichwasabadsign,buttalkedonrapidlyaboutallsortsoffarawaysubjects,tilltheyturnedfromtheroadintothelittlepaththatledhomewardthroughthegrove。Thenhewalkedmoreslowly,suddenlylosthisfineflowoflanguage,andnowandthenadreadfulpauseoccurred。Torescuetheconversationfromoneofthewellsofsilenceintowhichitkeptfalling,Josaidhastily,“Nowyoumusthaveagoodlongholiday!“
“Iintendto。“
SomethinginhisresolutetonemadeJolookupquicklytofindhimlookingdownatherwithanexpressionthatassuredherthedreadedmomenthadcome,andmadeherputoutherhandwithanimploring,“No,Teddy。Pleasedon’t!“
“Iwill,andyoumusthearme。It’snouse,Jo,we’vegottohaveitout,andthesoonerthebetterforbothofus,“heanswered,gettingflushedandexcitedallatonce。
“Saywhatyoulikethen。I’lllisten,“saidJo,withadesperatesortofpatience。
Lauriewasayounglover,buthewasinearnest,andmeantto`haveitout’,ifhediedintheattempt,soheplungedintothesubjectwithcharacteristicimpetuousity,sayinginavoicethatwouldgetchokynowandthen,inspiteofmanfuleffortstokeepitsteady……
“I’velovedyoueversinceI’veknownyou,Jo,couldn’thelpit,you’vebeensogoodtome。I’vetriedtoshowit,butyouwouldn’tletme。NowI’mgoingtomakeyouhear,andgivemeananswer,forIcan’tgoonsoanylonger。“
“Iwantedtosaveyouthis。Ithoughtyou’dunderstand……
beganJo,findingitagreatdealharderthansheexpected。
“Iknowyoudid,butthegirlsaresoqueeryouneverknowwhattheymean。Theysaynowhentheymeanyes,anddriveamanoutofhiswitsjustforthefunofit,“returnedLaurie,entrenchinghimselfbehindanundeniablefact。
“Idon’t。Ineverwantedtomakeyoucareformeso,andIwentawaytokeepyoufromitifIcould。“
“Ithoughtso。Itwaslikeyou,butitwasnouse。I
onlylovedyouallthemore,andIworkedhardtopleaseyou,andIgaveupbilliardsandeverythingyoudidn’tlike,andwaitedandnevercomplained,forIhopedyou’dloveme,thoughI’mnothalfgoodenough……“Heretherewasachokethatcouldn’tbecontrolled,sohedecapitatedbuttercupswhileheclearedhis`confoundedthroat’。
“You,youare,you’reagreatdealtoogoodforme,andI’msogratefultoyou,andsoproudandfondofyou,Idon’tknowwhyIcan’tloveyouasyouwantmeto。I’vetried,butIcan’tchangethefeeling,anditwouldbealietosayIdowhenIdon’t。“
“Really,truly,Jo?“
Hestoppedshort,andcaughtbothherhandsasheputhisquestionwithalookthatshedidnotsoonforget。
“Really,truly,dear。“
Theywereinthegrovenow,closebythestile,andwhenthelastwordsfellreluctantlyfromJo’slips,Lauriedroppedherhandsandturnedasiftogoon,butforonceinhislifethefencewastoomuchforhim。Sohejustlaidhisheaddownonthemossypost,andstoodsostillthatJowasfrightened。
“Oh,Teddy,I’msorry,sodesperatelysorry,Icouldkillmyselfifitwoulddoanygood!Iwishyouwouldn’ttakeitsohard,Ican’thelpit。Youknowit’simpossibleforpeopletomakethemselvesloveotherpeopleiftheydon’t,“criedJoinelegantlybutremorsefully,asshesoftlypattedhisshoulder,rememberingthetimewhenhehadcomfortedhersolongago。
“Theydosometimes,“saidamuffledvoicefromthepost。
“Idon’tbelieveit’stherightsortoflove,andI’drathernottryit,“wasthedecidedanswer。
Therewasalongpause,whileablackbirdsungblithelyonthewillowbytheriver,andthetallgrassrustledinthewind。
PresentlyJosaidverysoberly,asshesatdownonthestepofthestile,“Laurie,Iwanttotellyousomething。“
Hestartedasifhehadbeenshot,threwuphishead,andcriedoutinafiercetone,“Don’ttellmethat,Jo,Ican’tbearitnow!“
“Tellwhat?“sheasked,wonderingathisviolence。
“Thatyoulovethatoldman。“