“I’dtakeitmanfully,andberespectedificouldn’tbeloved,“saidAmy,withthedecisionofonewhoknewnothingaboutit。
Now,Laurieflatteredhimselfthathehadborneitremarkablywell,makingnomoan,askingnosympathy,andtakinghistroubleawaytoliveitdownalone。Amy’slectureputtheMatterinanewlight,andforthefirsttimeitdidlookweakandselfishtoloseheartatthefirstfailure,andshuthimselfupinmoodyindifference。Hefeltasifsuddenlyshakenoutofapensivedreamandfounditimpossibletogotosleepagain。Presentlyhesatupandaskedslowly,“DoyouthinkJowoulddespisemeasyoudo?“
“Yes,ifshesawyounow。Shehateslazypeople。Whydon’tyoudosomethingsplendid,andmakeherloveyou?“
“Ididmybest,butitwasnouse。“
“Graduatingwell,youmean?Thatwasnomorethanyououghttohavedone,foryourgrandfather’ssake。Itwouldhavebeenshamefultofailafterspendingsomuchtimeandmoney,wheneveryoneknewthatyoucoulddowell。“
“Ididfail,saywhatyouwill,forJowouldn’tloveme,“
beganLaurie,leaninghisheadonhishandinadespondentattitude。
“No,youdidn’t,andyou’llsaysointheend,foritdidyougood,andprovedthatyoucoulddosomethingifyoutried。
Ifyou’donlysetaboutanothertaskofsomesort,you’dsoonbeyourhearty,happyselfagain,andforgetyourtrouble。“
“That’simpossible。“
“Tryitandsee。Youneedn’tshrugyourshoulders,andthink,`Muchsheknowsaboutsuchthings’。Idon’tpretendtobewise,butIamobserving,andIseeagreatdealmorethanyou’dimagine。I’minterestedinotherpeople’sexperiencesandinconsistencies,andthoughIcan’texplain,Irememberandusethemformyownbenefit。LoveJoallyourdays,ifyouchoose,butdon’tletitspoilyou,forit’swickedtothrowawaysomanygoodgiftsbecauseyoucan’thavetheoneyouwant。There,Iwon’tlectureanymore,forIknowyou’llwakeupandbeamaninspiteofthathardheartedgirl。“
Neitherspokeforseveralminutes。Lauriesatturningthelittleringonhisfinger,andAmyputthelasttouchestothehastysketchshehadbeenworkingatwhileshetalked。
Presentlysheputitonhisknee,merelysaying,“Howdoyoulikethat?“
Helookedandthenhesmiled,ashecouldnotwellhelpdoing,foritwascapitallydone,thelong,lazyfigureonthegrass,withlistlessface,half-shuteyes,andonehandholdingacigar,fromwhichcamethelittlewreathofsmokethatencircledthedreamer’shead。
“Howwellyoudraw!“hesaid,withagenuinesurpriseandpleasureatherskill,adding,withahalf-laugh,“Yes,that’sme。“
“Asyouare。Thisisasyouwere。“AndAmylaidanothersketchbesidetheoneheheld。
Itwasnotnearlysowelldone,buttherewasalifeandspiritinitwhichatonedformanyfaults,anditrecalledthepastsovividlythatasuddenchangesweptovertheyoungman’sfaceashelooked。OnlyaroughsketchofLaurietamingahorse。Hatandcoatwereoff,andeverylineoftheactivefigure,resoluteface,andcommandingattitudewasfullofenergyandmeaning。Thehandsomebrute,justsubdued,stoodarchinghisneckunderthetightlydrawnrein,withonefootimpatientlypawingtheground,andearsprickedupasiflisteningforthevoicethathadmasteredhim。Intheruffledmane。Therider’sbreezyhairanderectattitude,therewasasuggestionofsuddenlyarrestedmotion,ofstrength,courage,andyouthfulbuoyancythatcontrastedsharplywiththesupinegraceofthe`DOLCEFARNIENTE’sketch。Lauriesaidnothingbutashiseyewentfromonetotheother,Amysayhimflushupandfoldhislipstogetherasifhereadandacceptedthelittlelessonshehadgivenhim。Thatsatisfiedher,andwithoutwaitingforhimtospeak,shesaid,inhersprightlyway……
“Don’tyourememberthedayyouplayedRareywithPuck,andwealllookedon?MegandBethwerefrightened,butJoclappedandpranced,andIsatonthefenceanddrewyou。I
foundthatsketchinmyportfoliotheotherday,toucheditup,andkeptittoshowyou。“
“Muchobliged。You’veimprovedimmenselysincethen,andIcongratulateyou。MayIventuretosuggestin`ahoneymoonparadise’thatfiveo’clockisthedinnerhouratyourhotel?“
Laurieroseashespoke,returnedthepictureswithasmileandabowandlookedathiswatch,asiftoremindherthatevenmorallecturesshouldhaveanend。Hetriedtoresumehisformereasy,indifferentair,butitwasanaffectationnow,fortherousinghadbeenmoreeffaciousthanhewouldconfess。Amyfelttheshadeofcoldnessinhismanner,andsaidtoherself……
“Now,I’veoffendedhim。Well,ifitdoeshimgood,I’mglad,ifitmakeshimhateme,I’msorry,butit’strue,andIcan’ttakebackawordofit。“
Theylaughedandchattedallthewayhome,andlittleBaptist,upbehind,thoughtthatmonsieurandmadamoisellewereincharmingspirits。Butbothfeltillatease。Thefriendlyfranknesswasdisturbed,thesunshinehadashadowoverit,anddespitetheirapparentgaiety,therewasasecretdiscontentintheheartofeach。
“Shallweseeyouthisevening,monfrere?“askedAmy,astheypartedatheraunt’sdoor。
“UnfortunatelyIhaveanengagement。Aurevoir,madamoiselle。“
AndLauriebentasiftokissherhand,intheforeignfashion,whichbecamehimbetterthanmanymen。SomethinginhisfacemadeAmysayquicklyandwarmly……
“No,beyourselfwithme,Laurie,andpartinthegoodoldway。
I’dratherhaveaheartyEnglishhandshakethanallthesentimentalsalutationsinFrance。“
“Goodbye,dear。“Andwiththesewords,utteredinthetonesheliked,Laurielefther,afterahandshakealmostpainfulinitsheartiness。
Nextmorning,insteadoftheusualcall,Amyreceivedanotewhichmadehersmileatthebeginningandsighattheend。
MyDearMentor,Pleasemakemyadieuxtoyouraunt,andexultwithinyourself,for`LazyLaurence’hasgonetohisgrandpa,likethebestofboys。Apleasantwintertoyou,andmaythegodsgrantyouablissfulhoneymoonatValrosa!IthinkFredwouldbebenefitedbyarouser。Tellhimso,withmycongratulations。
Yoursgratefully,Telemachus“Goodboy!I’mgladhe’sgone,“saidAmy,withanapprovingsmile。
Thenextminuteherfacefellassheglancedabouttheemptyroom,adding,withaninvoluntarysigh,“Yes,Iamglad,buthowIshallmisshim。“
Whenthefirstbitternesswasover,thefamilyacceptedtheinevitable,andtriedtobearitcheerfully,helpingoneanotherbytheincreasedaffectionwhichcomestobindhouseholdstenderlytogetherintimesoftrouble。Theyputawaytheirgrief,andeachdidhisorherparttowardmakingthatlastyearahappyone。
ThepleasantestroominthehousewassetapartforBeth,andinitwasgatheredeverythingthatshemostloved,flowers,pictures,herpiano,thelittleworktable,andthebelovedpussies。Father’sbestbooksfoundtheirwaythere,Mother’seasychair,Jo’sdesk,Amy’sfinestsketches,andeverydayMegbroughtherbabiesonalovingpilgrimage,tomakesunshineforAuntyBeth。Johnquietlysetapartalittlesum,thathemightenjoythepleasureofkeepingtheinvalidsuppliedwiththefruitshelovedandlongedfor。OldHannahneverweariedofconcoctingdaintydishestotemptacapriciousappetite,droppingtearsassheworked,andfromacrosstheseacamelittlegiftsandcheerfulletters,seemingtobringbreathsofwarmthandfragrancefromlandsthatknownowinter。
Here,cherishedlikeahouseholdsaintinitsshrine,satBeth,tranquilandbusyasever,fornothingcouldchangethesweet,unselfishnature,andevenwhilepreparingtoleavelife,shetriedtomakeithappierforthosewhoshouldremainbehind。Thefeeblefingerswereneveridle,andoneofherpleasureswastomakelittlethingsfortheschoolchildrendailypassingtoandfro,todropapairofmittensfromherwindowforapairofpurplehands,aneedlebookforsomesmallmotherofmanydolls,penwipersforyoungpenmentoilingthroughforestsofpothooks,scrapbooksforpicture-lovingeyes,andallmannerofpleasantdevices,tillthereluctantclimbersoftheladderoflearningfoundtheirwaystrewnwithflowers,asitwere,andcametoregardthegentlegiverasasortoffairygodmother,whosatabovethere,andshowereddowngiftsmiraculouslysuitedtotheirtastesandneeds。IfBethhadwantedanyreward,shefounditinthebrightlittlefacesalwaysturneduptoherwindow,withnodsandsmiles,andthedrolllittleletterswhichcametoher,fullofblotsandgratitude。
Thefirstfewmonthswereveryhappyones,andBethoftenusedtolookround,andsay“Howbeautifulthisis!“astheyallsattogetherinhersunnyroom,thebabieskickingandcrowingonthefloor,motherandsistersworkingnear,andfatherreading,inhispleasantvoice,fromthewiseoldbookswhichseemedrichingoodandcomfortablewords,asapplicablenowaswhenwrittencenturiesago,alittlechapel,whereapaternalpriesttaughthisflockthehardlessonsallmustlearn,tryingtoshowthemthathopecancomfortlove,andfaithmakeresignationpossible。Simplesermons,thatwentstraighttothesoulsofthosewholistened,forthefather’sheartwasintheminister’sreligion,andthefrequentfalterinthevoicegaveadoubleeloquencetothewordshespokeorread。
Itwaswellforallthatthispeacefultimewasgiventhemaspreparationforthesadhourstocome,forby-and-by,Bethsaidtheneedlewas`soheavy’,andputitdownforever。Talkingweariedher,facestroubledher,painclaimedherforitsown,andhertranquilspiritwassorrowfullyperturbedbytheillsthatvexedherfeebleflesh。Ahme!Suchheavydays,suchlong,longnights,suchachingheartsandimploringprayers,whenthosewholovedherbestwereforcedtoseethethinhandsstretchedouttothembeseechingly,tohearthebittercry,“Helpme,helpme!“
andtofeelthattherewasnohelp。Asadeclipseoftheserenesoul,asharpstruggleoftheyounglifewithdeath,butbothweremercifullybrief,andthenthenaturalrebellionover,theoldpeacereturnedmorebeautifulthanever。Withthewreckofherfrailbody,Beth’ssoulgrewstrong,andthoughshesaidlittle,thoseaboutherfeltthatshewasready,sawthatthefirstpilgrimcalledwaslikewisethefittest,andwaitedwithherontheshore,tryingtoseetheShiningOnescomingtoreceiveherwhenshecrossedtheriver。
JoneverleftherforanhoursinceBethhadsaid“Ifeelstrongerwhenyouarehere。“Shesleptonacouchintheroom,wakingoftentorenewthefire,tofeed,lift,orwaituponthepatientcreaturewhoseldomaskedforanything,and`triednottobeatrouble’。Alldayshehauntedtheroom,jealousofanyothernurse,andprouderofbeingchosenthenthanofanyhonorherlifeeverbroughther。PreciousandhelpfulhourstoJo,fornowherheartreceivedtheteachingthatitneeded。Lessonsinpatienceweresosweetlytaughtherthatshecouldnotfailtolearnthem,charityforall,thelovelyspiritthatcanforgiveandtrulyforgetunkindness,theloyaltytodutythatmakesthehardesteasy,andthesincerefaiththatfearsnothing,buttrustsundoubtingly。
OftenwhenshewokeJofoundBethreadinginherwell-wornlittlebook,heardhersingingsoftly,tobeguilethesleeplessnight,orsawherleanherfaceuponherhands,whileslowtearsdroppedthroughthetransparentfingers,andJowouldliewatchingherwiththoughtstoodeepfortears,feelingthatBeth,inhersimple,unselfishway,wastryingtoweanherselffromthedearoldlife,andfitherselfforthelifetocome,bysacredwordsofcomfort,quietprayers,andthemusicshelovedsowell。
SeeingthisdidmoreforJothanthewisestsermons,thesaintliesthymns,themostferventprayersthatanyvoicecouldutter。Forwitheyesmadeclearbymanytears,andaheartsoftenedbythetenderestsorrow,sherecognizedthebeautyofhersister’slife——uneventful,unambitious,yetfullofthegenuinevirtueswhich`smellsweet,andblossominthedust’,theself-forgetfulnessthatmakesthehumblestonearthrememberedsoonestinheaven,thetruesuccesswhichispossibletoall。
OnenightwhenBethlookedamongthebooksuponhertable,tofindsomethingtomakeherforgetthemortalwearinessthatwasalmostashardtobearaspain,assheturnedtheleavesofheroldfavorite,Pilgrims’sProgress,shefoundalittlepaper,scribbledoverinJo’shand。Thenamecaughthereyeandtheblurredlookofthelinesmadehersurethattearshadfallenonit。
“PoorJo!She’sfastasleep,soIwon’twakehertoaskleave。Sheshowsmeallherthings,andIdon’tthinkshe’llmindifIlookatthis“,thoughtBeth,withaglanceathersister,wholayontherug,withthetongsbesideher,readytowakeuptheminutethelogfellapart。
MYBETH
SittingpatientintheshadowTilltheblessedlightshallcome,AsereneandsaintlypresenceSanctifiesourtroubledhome。
EarthlyjoysandhopesandsorrowsBreaklikeripplesonthestrandOfthedeepandsolemnriverWhereherwillingfeetnowstand。
Omysister,passingfromme,Outofhumancareandstrife,Leaveme,asagift,thosevirtuesWhichhavebeautifiedyourlife。
Dear,bequeathmethatgreatpatienceWhichhaspowertosustainAcheerful,uncomplainingspiritInitsprison-houseofpain。
Giveme,forIneeditsorely,Ofthatcourage,wiseandsweet,WhichhasmadethepathofdutyGreenbeneathyourwillingfeet。
Givemethatunselfishnature,ThatwithcharitydevineCanpardonwrongforlove’sdearsake——
Meekheart,forgivememine!
ThusourpartingdailylosethSomethingofitsbitterpain,Andwhilelearningthishardlesson,Mygreatlossbecomesmygain。
ForthetouchofgriefwillrenderMywildnaturemoreserene,Givetolifenewaspirations,Anewtrustintheunseen。
Henceforth,safeacrosstheriver,IshallseeforevermoreAbeloved,householdspiritWaitingformeontheshore。
Hopeandfaith,bornofmysorrow,Guardianangelsshallbecome,AndthesistergonebeforemeBytheirhandsshallleadmehome。
Blurredandblotted,faultyandfeebleasthelineswere,theybroughtalookofinexpressiblecomforttoBeth’sface,forheroneregrethadbeenthatshehaddonesolittle,andthisseemedtoassureherthatherlifehadnotbeenuseless,thatherdeathwouldnotbringthedespairshefeared。Asshesatwiththepaperfoldedbetweenherhands,thecharredlogfellasunder。Jostartedup,revivedtheblaze,andcrepttothebedside,hopingBethslept。
“Notasleep,butsohappy,dear。See,Ifoundthisandreadit。
Iknewyouwouldn’tcare。HaveIbeenallthattoyou,Jo?“sheasked,withwistful,humbleearnestness。
“OH,Beth,somuch,somuch!“AndJo’sheadwentdownuponthepillowbesidehersister’s。
“ThenIdon’tfeelasifI’dwastedmylife。I’mnotsogoodasyoumakeme,butIhavetriedtodoright。Andnow,whenit’stoolatetobegineventodobetter,it’ssuchacomforttoknowthatsomeonelovesmesomuch,andfeelsasifI’dhelpedthem。“
“Morethananyoneintheworld,Beth。IusedtothinkI
couldn’tletyougo,butI’mlearningtofeelthatIdon’tloseyou,thatyou’llbemoretomethanever,anddeathcan’tpartus,thoughitseemsto。“
“Iknowitcannot,andIdon’tfearitanylonger,forI’msureIshallbeyourBethstill,toloveandhelpyoumorethanever。Youmusttakemyplace,Jo,andbeeverythingtoFatherandMotherwhenI’mgone。Theywillturntoyou,don’tfailthem,andifit’shardtoworkalone,rememberthatIdon’tforgetyou,andthatyou’llbehappierindoingthatthanwritingsplendidbooksorseeingalltheworld,forloveistheonlythingthatwecancarrywithuswhenwego,anditmakesthegoeasy。“