Iamsincerelysorrytosaythatitwasseriouslymade。Phillotsonlookedmoredisturbedthanbefore,andthemeeting-placeofhisbrowstwitchedagain。Intenminuteshecalledupthechildhehadjustsenttoher,anddispatchedanothermissive:
GodknowsIdon’twanttothwartyouinanyreasonableway。
Mywholethoughtistomakeyoucomfortableandhappy。ButIcannotagreetosuchapreposterousnotionasyourgoingtolivewithyourlover。Youwouldloseeverybody’srespectandregard;andsoshouldI!Afteranintervalasimilarpartwasenactedintheclass-room,andananswercame:
Iknowyoumeanmygood。ButIdon’twanttoberespectable!
Toproduce`Humandevelopmentinitsrichestdiversity’toquoteyourHumboldtistomymindfaraboverespectability。Nodoubtmytastesarelow-inyourview-hopelesslylow!Ifyouwontletmegotohim,willyougrantmethisonerequest-allowmetoliveinyourhouseinaseparateway?Tothishereturnednoanswer。
Shewroteagain:
Iknowwhatyouthink。Butcannotyouhavepityonme?Ibegyouto;Iimploreyoutobemerciful!IwouldnotaskifIwerenotalmostcompelledbywhatIcan’tbear!NopoorwomanhaseverwishedmorethanIthatEvehadnotfallen,sothatastheprimitiveChristiansbelieved
someharmlessmodeofvegetationmighthavepeopledParadise。ButIwon’ttrifle!Bekindtome-eventhoughIhavenotbeenkindtoyou!Iwillgoaway,goabroad,anywhere,andnevertroubleyou。Nearlyanhourpassed,andthenhereturnedananswer:
Idonotwishtopainyou。HowwellyouknowIdon’t!
Givemealittletime。Iamdisposedtoagreetoyourlastrequest。Onelinefromher:
Thankyoufrommyheart,Richard。Idonotdeserveyourkindness。AlldayPhillotsonbentadazedregarduponherthroughtheglazedpartition;
andhefeltaslonelyaswhenhehadnotknownher。
Buthewasasgoodashisword,andconsentedtoherlivingapartinthehouse。Atfirst,whentheymetatmeals,shehadseemedmorecomposedunderthenewarrangement;buttheirksomenessoftheirpositionworkedonhertemperament,andthefibresofhernatureseemedstrainedlikeharp-strings。
Shetalkedvaguelyandindiscriminatelytopreventhistalkingpertinently。
JudetheObscureChapter32IV-ivPhillotsonwassittinguplate,aswasoftenhiscustom,tryingtogettogetherthematerialsforhislong-neglectedhobbyofRomanantiquities。
Forthefirsttimesincerevivingthesubjecthefeltareturnofhisoldinterestinit。Heforgottimeandplace,andwhenherememberedhimselfandascendedtorestitwasnearlytwoo’clock。
Hispreoccupationwassuchthat,thoughhenowsleptontheothersideofthehouse,hemechanicallywenttotheroomthatheandhiswifehadoccupiedwhenhefirstbecameatenantofOld-GrovePlace,whichsincehisdifferenceswithSuehadbeenhersexclusively。Heentered,andunconsciouslybegantoundress。
Therewasacryfromthebed,andaquickmovement。BeforetheschoolmasterhadrealizedwherehewasheperceivedSuestartinguphalf-awake,staringwildly,andspringingoutupontheflooronthesideawayfromhim,whichwastowardsthewindow。Thiswassomewhathiddenbythecanopyofthebedstead,andinamomentheheardherflingingupthesash。Beforehehadthoughtthatshemeanttodomorethangetairshehadmounteduponthesillandleaptout。Shedisappearedinthedarkness,andheheardherfallbelow。
Phillotson,horrified,randownstairs,strikinghimselfsharplyagainstthenewelinhishaste。Openingtheheavydoorheascendedthetwoorthreestepstotheleveloftheground,andthereonthegravelbeforehimlayawhiteheap。Phillotsonseizeditinhisarms,andbringingSueintothehallseatedheronachair,wherehegazedatherbytheflappinglightofthecandlewhichhehadsetdowninthedraughtonthebottomstair。
Shehadcertainlynotbrokenherneck。Shelookedathimwitheyesthatseemednottotakehimin;andthoughnotparticularlylargeingeneraltheyappearedsonow。
Shepressedhersideandrubbedherarm,asifconsciousofpain;
thenstoodup,avertingherface,inevidentdistressathisgaze。
`ThankGod-youarenotkilled!Thoughit’snotforwantoftrying-notmuchhurtIhope?’
Herfall,infact,hadnotbeenaseriousone,probablyowingtothelownessoftheoldroomsandtothehighlevelofthegroundwithout。
Beyondascrapedelbowandablowinthesideshehadapparentlyincurredlittleharm。
`Iwasasleep,Ithink!’shebegan,herpalefacestillturnedawayfromhim。`Andsomethingfrightenedme-aterribledream-IthoughtIsawyou-`Theactualcircumstancesseemedtocomebacktoher,andshewassilent。
Hercloakwashangingatthebackofthedoor,andthewretchedPhillotsonflungitroundher。`ShallIhelpyouupstairs?’heaskeddrearily;
forthesignificanceofallthissickenedhimofhimselfandofeverything。
`Nothankyou,Richard。Iamverylittlehurt。Icanwalk。’
`Yououghttolockyourdoor,’hemechanicallysaid,asiflecturinginschool。`Thennoonecouldintrudeevenbyaccident。’
`Ihavetried-itwon’tlock。Allthedoorsareoutoforder。’
Theaspectofthingswasnotimprovedbyheradmission。Sheascendedthestaircaseslowly,thewavinglightofthecandleshiningonher。Phillotsondidnotapproachher,orattempttoascendhimselftillheheardherenterherroom。Thenhefastenedupthefrontdoor,andreturning,satdownonthelowerstairs,holdingthenewelwithonehand,andbowinghisfaceintotheother。Thusheremainedforalonglongtime-apitiableobjectenoughtoonewhohadseenhim;till,raisinghisheadandsighingasighwhichseemedtosaythatthebusinessofhislifemustbecarriedon,whetherhehadawifeorno,hetookthecandleandwentupstairstohislonelyroomontheothersideofthelanding。
Nofurtherincidenttouchingthematterbetweenthemoccurredtillthefollowingevening,when,immediatelyschoolwasover,PhillotsonwalkedoutofShaston,sayingherequirednotea,andnotinformingSuewherehewasgoing。Hedescendedfromthetownlevelbyasteeproadinanorth-westerlydirection,andcontinuedtomovedownwardstillthesoilchangedfromitswhitedrynesstoatoughbrownclay。HewasnowonthelowalluvialbedsWhereDuncliffeisthetraveller’smark,AndclotyStour’sa-rollingdark。Morethanoncehelookedbackintheincreasingobscurityofevening。AgainsttheskywasShaston,dimlyvisibleOnthegrey-topp’dheightOfPaladore,aspaledayworeAway……[WilliamBarnes]Thenew-litlightsfromitswindowsburntwithasteadyshineasifwatchinghim,oneofwhichwindowswashisown。AboveithecouldjustdiscernthepinnacledtowerofTrinityChurch。Theairdownhere,temperedbythethickdampbedoftenaciousclay,wasnotasithadbeenabove,butsoftandrelaxing,sothatwhenhehadwalkedamileortwohewasobligedtowipehisfacewithhishandkerchief。
LeavingDuncliffeHillontheleftheproceededwithouthesitationthroughtheshade,asamangoeson,nightorday,inadistrictoverwhichhehasplayedasaboy。HehadwalkedaltogetheraboutfourandahalfmilesWhereStourreceivesherstrength,Fromsixcleerefountainsfed,[Drayton]whenhecrossedatributaryoftheStour,andreachedLeddenton-alittletownofthreeorfourthousandinhabitants-wherehewentontotheboys’
school,andknockedatthedoorofthemaster’sresidence。
[1]WilliamBarnes。[2]Drayton。
Aboypupil-teacheropenedit,andtoPhillotson’sinquiryifMr。Gillinghamwasathomerepliedthathewas,goingatonceofftohisownhouse,andleavingPhillotsontofindhiswayinashecould。Hediscoveredhisfriendputtingawaysomebooksfromwhichhehadbeengivingeveninglessons。ThelightoftheparaffinlampfellonPhillotson’sface-paleandwretchedbycontrastwithhisfriend’s,whohadacool,practicallook。
Theyhadbeenschoolmatesinboyhood,andfellow-studentsatWintoncesterTrainingCollege,manyyearsbeforethistime。
`Gladtoseeyou,Dick!Butyoudon’tlookwell?Nothingthematter?’
Phillotsonadvancedwithoutreplying,andGillinghamclosedthecupboardandpulledupbesidehisvisitor。
`Whyyouhaven’tbeenhere-letmesee-sinceyouweremarried?
Icalled,youknow,butyouwereout;anduponmyworditissuchaclimbafterdarkthatIhavebeenwaitingtillthedaysarelongerbeforelumperingupagain。Iamgladyoudidn’twait,however。’
Thoughwell-trainedandevenproficientmasters,theyoccasionallyusedadialect-wordoftheirboyhoodtoeachotherinprivate。
`I’vecome,George,toexplaintoyoumyreasonsfortakingastepthatIamabouttotake,sothatyou,atleast,willunderstandmymotivesifotherpeoplequestionthemanywhen-astheymay,indeedcertainlywill……ButanythingisbetterthanthepresentconditionofthingsGodforbidthatyoushouldeverhavesuchanexperienceasmine!’
`Sitdown。Youdon’tmean-anythingwrongbetweenyouandMrs。
Phillotson?’
`Ido……MywretchedstateisthatI’veawifeIlovewhonotonlydoesnotloveme,but-butWell,Iwon’tsay。Iknowherfeeling!
Ishouldpreferhatredfromher!’
`Ssh!’
`AndthesadpartofitisthatsheisnotsomuchtoblameasI。Shewasapupil-teacherunderme,asyouknow,andItookadvantageofherinexperience,andtoledheroutforwalks,andgothertoagreetoalongengagementbeforeshewellknewherownmind。Afterwardsshesawsomebodyelse,butsheblindlyfulfilledherengagement。’
`Lovingtheother?’
`Yes;withacurioustendersolicitudeseemingly;thoughherexactfeelingforhimisariddletome-andtohimtoo,Ithink-possiblytoherself。SheisoneoftheoddestcreaturesIevermet。However,Ihavebeenstruckwiththesetwofacts;theextraordinarysympathy,orsimilarity,betweenthepair。Heishercousin,whichperhapsaccountsforsomeofit。Theyseemtobeonepersonsplitintwo!Andwithherunconquerableaversiontomyselfasahusband,eventhoughshemaylikemeasafriend,’tistoomuchtobearlonger。Shehasconscientiouslystruggledagainstit,buttonopurpose。Icannotbearit-Icannot!Ican’tanswerherarguments-shehasreadtentimesasmuchasI。Herintellectsparkleslikediamonds,whileminesmoulderslikebrownpaper……She’sonetoomanyforme!’
`She’llgetoverit,good-now?’
`Never!Itis-butIwon’tgointoit-therearereasonswhysheneverwill。Atlastshecalmlyandfirmlyaskedifshemightleavemeandgotohim。Theclimaxcamelastnight,when,owingtomyenteringherroombyaccident,shejumpedoutofwindow-sostrongwasherdreadofme!Shepretendeditwasadream,butthatwastosootheme。Nowwhenawomanjumpsoutofwindowwithoutcaringwhethershebreaksherneckorno,she’snottobemistaken;andthisbeingthecaseIhavecometoaconclusion:thatitiswrongtosotortureafellow-creatureanylonger;
andIwon’tbetheinhumanwretchtodoit,costwhatitmay!’
`What-you’lllethergo?Andwithherlover?’
`Whomwithishermatter。Ishalllethergo;withhimcertainly,ifshewishes。IknowImaybewrong-IknowIcan’tlogically,orreligiously,defendmyconcessiontosuchawishofhers,orharmonizeitwiththedoctrinesIwasbroughtupin。OnlyIknowonething:somethingwithinmetellsmeIamdoingwronginrefusingher。I,likeothermen,professtoholdthatifahusbandgetssuchaso-calledpreposterousrequestfromhiswife,theonlycoursethatcanpossiblyberegardedasrightandproperandhonourableinhimistorefuseit,andputhervirtuouslyunderlockandkey,andmurderherloverperhaps。Butisthatessentiallyright,andproper,andhonourable,orisitcontemptiblymeanandselfish?Idon’tprofesstodecide。Isimplyamgoingtoactbyinstinct,andletprinciplestakecareofthemselves。Ifapersonwhohasblindlywalkedintoaquagmirecriesforhelp,Iaminclinedtogiveit,ifpossible。’
`But-yousee,there’sthequestionofneighboursandsociety-whatwillhappenifeverybody——’
`Oh,Iamnotgoingtobeaphilosopheranylonger!Ionlyseewhat’sundermyeyes。’
`Well-Idon’tagreewithyourinstinct,Dick!’saidGillinghamgravely。`Iamquiteamazed,totellthetruth,thatsuchasedate,ploddingfellowasyoushouldhaveentertainedsuchacrazeforamoment。YousaidwhenIcalledthatshewaspuzzlingandpeculiar:Ithinkyouare!’
`Haveyoueverstoodbeforeawomanwhomyouknowtobeintrinsicallyagoodwoman,whileshehaspleadedforrelease-beenthemanshehasknelttoandimploredindulgenceof?’