Adieu，myfriends。Myangeragainstyouisgone；mysadreflectionsonyou，andonthedepthstowhichyouandIandallofusaresunkinthesestrangetimes，arenottobeutteredatpresent。YouwouldhavesavedtheSarawakPirates，then？TheAlmightyMakeriswroththattheSarawakcut-throats，withtheirpoisonedspears，areaway？WhatmusthiswrathbethatthethirtythousandNeedlewomenarestillhere，andthequestionof“prevenientgrace“notyetsettled！Omyfriends，insadearnest，sadanddeadlyearnest，theremuchneedsthatGodwouldmendallthis，andthatweshouldhelphimtomendit！——Anddon’tyouthink，foronething，“FarmerHodge’shorses“intheSugarIslandsareprettywell“emancipated“now？Myclearopinionfartheris，wehadbetterquittheScoundrel-provinceofReform；betterclosethatunderhatches，insomerapidsummarymanner，andgoelsewhitherwithourReformefforts。Awholeworld，forwantofReform，isdrowningandsinking；threateningtoswampitselfintoaStygianquagmire，uninhabitablebyanynoble-mindedman。Letustothewell-heads，Isay；tothechieffountainsofthesewatersofbitterness；andtherestrikehomeanddig！Topuddleintheembouchuresanddrownedoutskirts，andulteriorandultimateissuesandcloacasoftheaffair：whatprofitcantherebeinthat？Nothingtobesavedthere；nothingtobefishedupthere，except，withendlessperilandspreadofpestilence，amiscellanyofbrokenwaifsanddeaddogs！InthenameofHeaven，quitthat！
　　[April1，1850。]No。III。DOWNINGSTREET。
　　FromallcornersofthewideBritishDominionthererisesonecomplaintagainsttheineffectualityofwhatarenicknamedour“red-tape“establishments，ourGovernmentOffices，ColonialOffice，ForeignOfficeandtheothers，inDowningStreetandtheneighborhood。Tomeindividuallythesebranchesofhumanbusinessarelittleknown；buteveryBritishcitizenandreflectivepasser-byhasoccasiontowondermuch，andinquireearnestly，concerningthem。ToallmenitisevidentthatthesocialinterestsofonehundredandfiftyMillionsofusdependonthemysteriousindustrytherecarriedon；andlikewisethatthedissatisfactionwithitisgreat，universal，andcontinuallyincreasinginintensity，——infact，mounting，wemightsay，tothepitchofsettleddespair。
　　Everycolony，everyagentforamattercolonial，hashistragictaletotellyouofhissadexperiencesintheColonialOffice；
　　whatblindobstructions，fatalindolences，pedantries，stupidities，ontherightandontheleft，hehadtodobattlewith；whataworld-widejungleofred-tape，inhabitedbydolefulcreatures，deafornearlysotohumanreasonorentreaty，hehadenteredon；andhowhepausedinamazement，almostindespair；
　　passionatelyappealednowtothisdolefulcreature，nowtothat，andtothedeadred-tapejungle，andtothelivingUniverseitself，andtotheVoicesandtotheSilences；——and，onthewhole，foundthatitwasanadventure，insorrowfulfact，equaltothefabulousonesbyoldknights-errantagainstdragonsandwizardsinenchantedwildernessesandwastehowlingsolitudes；
　　notachievableexceptbynearlysuperhumanexerciseofallthefourcardinalvirtues，andunexpectedfavorofthespecialblessingofHeaven。Hisadventureachievedorfoundunachievable，hehasreturnedwithexperiencesnewtohimintheaffairsofmen。WhatthisColonialOffice，inhabitingtheheadofDowningStreet，reallywas，andhadtodo，ortrydoing，inGod’spracticalEarth，hecouldnotbyanymeanspreciselygettoknow；believesthatitdoesnotitselfintheleastpreciselyknow。Believesthatnobodyknows；——thatitisamystery，akindofHeathenmyth；andstrangerthananypieceoftheoldmythologicalPantheon；foritpracticallypresidesoverthedestiniesofmanymillionsoflivingmen。
　　SuchishisreportoftheColonialOffice：andifweoftenerhearsuchareportofthatthanwedooftheHomeOffice，ForeignOfficeortherest，——thereasonprobablyis，thatColoniesexcitemoreattentionatpresentthananyofourotherinterests。TheFortyColonies，itappears，areallprettylikerebellingjustnow；andaretobepacifiedwithconstitutions；luckierConstitutions，letushope，thansomelateoneshavebeen。LoyalCanada，forinstance，hadtoquencharebelliontheotheryear；
　　andthisyear，invirtueofitsconstitution，itiscalledupontopaytherebelstheirdamages；whichsurelyisarathersurprisingresult，howeverconstitutional！——MenhaverentsandmoneysdependentintheColonies；Emigrationschemes，BlackEmancipations，New-Zealandandotherschemes；andfeelandpublishmoreemphaticallywhattheirDowning-Streetwoesintheserespectshavebeen。
　　WerethestateofpoorsallowEnglishploughersandweavers，whatwemaycalltheSalloworYellowEmancipationinterest，asmuchinobjectwithExeter-HallPhilanthropistsasthatoftheBlackblockheadsnowallemancipated，andgoingatlargewithoutwork，orneedofworking，inWest-Indiacloverandfatteningverymuchinit，onedelightstohear，thenperhapstheHomeOffice，itshugevirtualtaskbetterunderstood，anditssmallactualperformancebetterseeninto，mightbefoundstillmoredeficient，andbehindthewantsoftheage，thantheColonialitselfis。
　　HowitstandswiththeForeignOffice，again，onestilllessknows。SeizuresofSapienza，andthelikesuddenappearancesofBritaininthecharacterofHercules-Harlequin，waving，withbigbully-voice，herhugesword-of-sharpnessoverfield-mice，andintheairmakinghorridcircleshorridcatherine-wheelsanddeath-disksofmetallicterrorfromsaidhugesword，toseehowtheywilllikeit，——dofromtimetotimeastonishtheworld，inanotpleasantmanner。Hercules-Harlequin，theAttorneyTriumphant，theWorld’sBusybody：noneofthesearepartsthisNationhasaturnfor；she，ifyouconsultedher，wouldrathernotplaytheseparts，butanother！SeizuresofSapienza，correspondenceswithSotomayor，remonstrancestoOthoKingofAthens，fleetshangingbytheiranchorinbehalfoftheMajestyofPortugal；andinshortthewhole，oratpresentverynearlythewhole，ofthatindustryofprotocolling，diplomatizing，remonstrating，admonishing，and“havingthehonortobe，“——hassunkjustlyinpublicestimationtoaverylowfigure。
　　Forinfact，itisreasonablyasked，WhatvitalinteresthasEnglandinanycausenowdecidingitselfinforeignparts？OncetherewasaPapistryandProtestantism，importantaslifeeternalanddeatheternal；morelatelytherewasaninterestofCivilOrderandHorrorsoftheFrenchRevolution，importantatleastasrent-rollandpreservationofthegame；butnowwhatisthere？
　　NocauseinwhichanygodormanofthisBritishNationcanbethoughttobeconcerned。Sham-kingship，nowrecognizedandevenself-recognizedeverywheretobesham，wrestlesandstruggleswithmereballot-boxAnarchy：notapleasantspectacletoBritishminds。Bothpartiesinthewrestleprofessingearnestwishesofpeacetous，whathavewetodowithitexceptanswerearnestly，“Peace，yescertainly，“andmindouraffairselsewhere。TheBritishNationhasnoconcernwiththatindispensablesorrowfulandshamefulwrestlenowgoingoneverywhereinforeignparts。TheBritishNationalready，byself-experiencecenturiesold，understandsallthat；wasluckyenoughtotransactthegreaterpartofthat，innobleancientages，whilethewrestlehadnotyetbecomeashamefulone，butonbothsidesofittherewaswisdom，virtue，heroicnoblenessfruitfultoalltime，——thrice-luckyBritishNation！TheBritishNation，Isay，hasnothingtolearnthere；hasnowquiteanothersetoflessonstolearn，faraheadofwhatisgoingonthere。
　　Sadexamplethere，ofwhattheissueis，andhowinevitableandhowimminent，mightadmonishtheBritishNationtobespeedywithitsnewlessons；tobestiritself，asmeninperilofconflagrationdo，withtheneighboringhousesallonfire！Toobtain，foritsownverypressingbehoof，ifbypossibilityitcould，somerealCaptaincyinsteadofanimaginaryone：toremoveresolutely，andreplacebyabettersort，itsownpeculiarspeciesofteachingandguidinghistriosofvariousname，whoheretooarenumerousexceedingly，andmuchinneedofgentleremoval，whiletheplayisstillgood，andthecomedyhasnotyetbecome_tragic_；andtobealittleswiftaboutitwithal；andsotoescapetheotherwiseinevitableevilday！ThisBritainmightlearn：butshedoesnotneedaprotocollingestablishment，withmuch“havingthehonortobe，“toteachither。
　　No：——shehasinfactcertaincottons，hardwaresandsuchliketosellinforeignparts，andcertainwines，Portugaloranges，Baltictarandotherproductstobuy；anddoesneed，Isuppose，somekindofConsul，oraccreditedagent，accessibletoBritishvoyagers，hereandthere，inthechiefcitiesoftheContinent：
　　throughwhichfunctionary，orthroughthepenny-post，ifshehadanyspecificmessagetoforeigncourts，itwouldbeeasyandpropertotransmitthesame。Specialmessage-carriers，tobestillcalledAmbassadors，ifthenamegratifiedthem，couldbesentwhenoccasiongreatenoughdemanded；notsentwhenitdidnot。Butforallpurposesofaresidentambassador，Ihearpersonsextensivelyandwellacquaintedamongourforeignembassiesatthisdatedeclare，Thatawell-selected_Times_
　　reporteror“owncorrespondent“orderedtoresideinforeigncapitals，andkeephiseyesopen，andthoughsparinglyhispengoing，wouldinrealitybemuchmoreeffective；——andsurelyweseewell，hewouldcomeagooddealcheaper！Considerablycheaperinexpenseofmoney；andinexpenseoffalsityandgrimacinghypocrisyofwhichnohumanarithmeticcancounttheultimatecostincalculablycheaper！Ifthisisthefact，whynottreatitassuch？Ifthisissoinanymeasure，wehadbetterinthatmeasureadmitittobeso！Thetime，Ibelieve，hascomeforaskingwithconsiderableseverity，Howfarisitso？
　　Naytherearemennowcurrentinpoliticalsociety，menofweightthoughalsoofwit，whohavebeenheardtosay，“ThattherewasbutonereformfortheForeignOffice，——tosetalivecoalunderit，“andwith，ofcourse，afire-brigadewhichcouldpreventtheunduespreadofthedevouringelementintoneighboringhouses，letthatreformit！InsuchodoristheForeignOfficetoo，ifitwerenotthatthePublic，oppressedandnearlystifledwithamereinfinitudeofbadodors，neglectsthisone，——infact，beingablenearlyalwaystoavoidthestreetwhereitis，_escapes_
　　thisone，andexceptapassingcurse，onceinthequarterorso
　　asgoodasforgetstheexistenceofit。
　　Such，fromsadpersonalexperienceandcreditedprevailingrumor，istheexotericpublicconvictionaboutthesesublimeestablishmentsinDowningStreetandtheneighborhood，theesotericmysteriesofwhichareindeedstillheldsacredbytheinitiated，butbelievedbytheworldtobemereDalai-Lamapills，manufacturedletnotrefinedlipshinthow，andquite_un_salvatorytomankind。Everyonemayremarkwhatahopeanimatestheeyesofanycircle，whenitisreportedorevenconfidentlyasserted，thatSirRobertPeelhasinhismindprivatelyresolvedtogo，oneday，intothatstableofKingAugeas，whichappallshumanhearts，sorichisit，high-piledwiththedroppingsoftwohundredyears；andHercules-liketoloadathousandnight-wagonsfromit，andturnrunningwaterintoit，andswashandshovelatit，andneverleaveittilltheantiquepavement，andrealbasisofthematter，showitselfcleanagain！Inanyintelligentcirclesucharumor，likethefirstbreakofdaytomenindarkness，enlightensalleyes；andeachsaysdevoutly，“_Faxitis_，OyerighteousPowersthathavepityonus！AllEnglandgrateful，withkindlinglooks，willriseintherearofhim，andfromitsdeepestheartbidhimgoodspeed！“
　　Foritisuniversallyfeltthatsome_esoteric_man，wellacquaintedwiththemysteriesandpropertiesgoodandeviloftheadministrativestable，isthefittesttoreformit，naycanalonereformitotherwisethanbysheerviolenceanddestruction，whichisawaywewouldavoid；thatinfactSirRobertPeelis，atpresent，theonelikelyorpossiblemantoreformit。Andsecondlyitisfeltthat“reform“inthatDowning-Streetdepartmentofaffairsispreciselythereformwhichwereworthallothers；thatthoseadministrativeestablishmentsinDowningStreetarereallytheGovernmentofthishugeungovernedEmpire；
　　thattocleanoutthedeadpedantries，unveracities，indolentsomnolentimpotences，andaccumulateddung-mountainsthere，isthebeginningofallpracticalgoodwhatsoever。Yes，getdownonceagaintotheactual_pavement_ofthat；ascertainwhatthethingis，andwasbeforedungaccumulatedinit；andwhatitshouldandmay，andmust，forthelife’ssakeofthisEmpire，henceforthbecome：hereclearlyliestheheartofthewholematter。Politicalreform，ifthisbenotreformed，isnaughtandameremockery。
　　WhatEnglandwants，andwillrequiretohave，orsinkinnamelessanarchies，isnotaReformedParliament，meaningtherebyaParliamentelectedaccordingtothesixorthefouroranyothernumberof“points“andcunninglydevisedimprovementsinhustingsmechanism，butaReformedExecutiveorSovereignBodyofRulersandAdministrators，——someimprovedmethod，innumerableimprovementsinourpoorblindmethods，ofgettingholdofthese。
　　NotabetterTalking-Apparatus，thebestconceivableTalking-Apparatuswoulddoverylittleforusatpresent；——butaninfinitelybetterActing-Apparatus，thebenefitsofwhichwouldbeinvaluablenowandhenceforth。Thepracticalquestionputsitselfwithever-increasingstringencytoallEnglishminds：Canwe，bynoindustry，energy，utmostexpenditureofhumaningenuity，andpassionateinvocationoftheHeavensandEarth，gettoattainsometwelveortenorsixmentomanagetheaffairsofthisnationinDowningStreetandthechiefpostselsewhere，whoareablerfortheworkthanthosewehavebeenusedto，thislongwhile？Foritisreallyaheroicwork，andcannotbedonebyhistrios，anddexteroustalkershavingthehonortobe：itisaheavyandappallingwork；and，atthestartingofitespecially，willrequireHerculeanmen；suchmountainsofpedantexuviaeandobsceneowl-droppingshaveaccumulatedinthoseregions，longthehabitationofdolefulcreatures；theold_pavements_，thenaturalfactsandrealessentialfunctionsofthoseestablishments，havenotbeenseenbyeyesforthesetwohundredyearslastpast！Herculeanmenacquaintedwiththevirtuesofrunningwater，andwiththedivinenecessityofgettingdowntotheclearpavementsandoldveracities；whotremblebeforenoamountofpedantexuviae，noloudestshriekingofdolefulcreatures；whotrembleonlytolive，themselves，likeinanephantasms，andtoleavetheirlifeasapaltry_contribution_totheguanomountains，andnotasadivineeternalprotestagainstthem！