CHAPTERI—TheGiftBestowedEVERYBODYsaidso。
Farbeitfrommetoassertthatwhateverybodysaysmustbetrue。
Everybodyis,often,aslikelytobewrongasright。Inthegeneralexperience,everybodyhasbeenwrongsooften,andithastaken,inmostinstances,suchawearywhiletofindouthowwrong,thattheauthorityisprovedtobefallible。Everybodymaysometimesberight;"butTHAT’Snorule,"astheghostofGilesScrogginssaysintheballad。
Thedreadword,GHOST,recallsme。
Everybodysaidhelookedlikeahauntedman。Theextentofmypresentclaimforeverybodyis,thattheyweresofarright。Hedid。
Whocouldhaveseenhishollowcheek;hissunkenbrillianteye;hisblack—attiredfigure,indefinablygrim,althoughwell—knitandwell—proportioned;hisgrizzledhairhanging,liketangledsea—
weed,abouthisface,—asifhehadbeen,throughhiswholelife,alonelymarkforthechafingandbeatingofthegreatdeepofhumanity,—butmighthavesaidhelookedlikeahauntedman?
Whocouldhaveobservedhismanner,taciturn,thoughtful,gloomy,shadowedbyhabitualreserve,retiringalwaysandjocundnever,withadistraughtairofrevertingtoabygoneplaceandtime,oroflisteningtosomeoldechoesinhismind,butmighthavesaiditwasthemannerofahauntedman?
Whocouldhaveheardhisvoice,slow—speaking,deep,andgrave,withanaturalfulnessandmelodyinitwhichheseemedtosethimselfagainstandstop,butmighthavesaiditwasthevoiceofahauntedman?
Whothathadseenhiminhisinnerchamber,partlibraryandpartlaboratory,—forhewas,astheworldknew,farandwide,alearnedmaninchemistry,andateacheronwhoselipsandhandsacrowdofaspiringearsandeyeshungdaily,—whothathadseenhimthere,uponawinternight,alone,surroundedbyhisdrugsandinstrumentsandbooks;theshadowofhisshadedlampamonstrousbeetleonthewall,motionlessamongacrowdofspectralshapesraisedtherebytheflickeringofthefireuponthequaintobjectsaroundhim;someofthesephantoms(thereflectionofglassvesselsthatheldliquids),tremblingatheartlikethingsthatknewhispowertouncombinethem,andtogivebacktheircomponentpartstofireandvapour;—whothathadseenhimthen,hisworkdone,andheponderinginhischairbeforetherustedgrateandredflame,movinghisthinmouthasifinspeech,butsilentasthedead,wouldnothavesaidthatthemanseemedhauntedandthechambertoo?
Whomightnot,byaveryeasyflightoffancy,havebelievedthateverythingabouthimtookthishauntedtone,andthathelivedonhauntedground?
Hisdwellingwassosolitaryandvault—like,—anold,retiredpartofanancientendowmentforstudents,onceabraveedifice,plantedinanopenplace,butnowtheobsoletewhimofforgottenarchitects;smoke—age—and—weather—darkened,squeezedoneverysidebytheovergrowingofthegreatcity,andchoked,likeanoldwell,withstonesandbricks;itssmallquadrangles,lyingdowninverypitsformedbythestreetsandbuildings,which,incourseoftime,hadbeenconstructedaboveitsheavychimneystalks;itsoldtrees,insultedbytheneighbouringsmoke,whichdeignedtodroopsolowwhenitwasveryfeebleandtheweatherverymoody;itsgrass—
plots,strugglingwiththemildewedearthtobegrass,ortowinanyshowofcompromise;itssilentpavements,unaccustomedtothetreadoffeet,andeventotheobservationofeyes,exceptwhenastrayfacelookeddownfromtheupperworld,wonderingwhatnookitwas;itssun—dialinalittlebricked—upcorner,wherenosunhadstraggledforahundredyears,butwhere,incompensationforthesun’sneglect,thesnowwouldlieforweekswhenitlaynowhereelse,andtheblackeastwindwouldspinlikeahugehumming—top,wheninallotherplacesitwassilentandstill。
Hisdwelling,atitsheartandcore—withindoors—athisfireside—wassoloweringandold,socrazy,yetsostrong,withitsworn—eatenbeamsofwoodintheceiling,anditssturdyfloorshelvingdownwardtothegreatoakchimney—piece;soenvironedandhemmedinbythepressureofthetownyetsoremoteinfashion,age,andcustom;soquiet,yetsothunderingwithechoeswhenadistantvoicewasraisedoradoorwasshut,—echoes,notconfinedtothemanylowpassagesandemptyrooms,butrumblingandgrumblingtilltheywerestifledintheheavyairoftheforgottenCryptwheretheNormanarcheswerehalf—buriedintheearth。
Youshouldhaveseenhiminhisdwellingabouttwilight,inthedeadwintertime。
Whenthewindwasblowing,shrillandshrewd,withthegoingdownoftheblurredsun。Whenitwasjustsodark,asthattheformsofthingswereindistinctandbig—butnotwhollylost。Whensittersbythefirebegantoseewildfacesandfigures,mountainsandabysses,ambuscadesandarmies,inthecoals。Whenpeopleinthestreetsbentdowntheirheadsandranbeforetheweather。Whenthosewhowereobligedtomeetit,werestoppedatangrycorners,stungbywanderingsnow—flakesalightingonthelashesoftheireyes,—whichfelltoosparingly,andwereblownawaytooquickly,toleaveatraceuponthefrozenground。Whenwindowsofprivatehousescloseduptightandwarm。Whenlightedgasbegantoburstforthinthebusyandthequietstreets,fastblackeningotherwise。
Whenstraypedestrians,shiveringalongthelatter,lookeddownattheglowingfiresinkitchens,andsharpenedtheirsharpappetitesbysniffingupthefragranceofwholemilesofdinners。
Whentravellersbylandwerebittercold,andlookedwearilyongloomylandscapes,rustlingandshudderingintheblast。Whenmarinersatsea,outlyinguponicyyards,weretossedandswungabovethehowlingoceandreadfully。Whenlighthouses,onrocksandheadlands,showedsolitaryandwatchful;andbenightedsea—birdsbreastedonagainsttheirponderouslanterns,andfelldead。Whenlittlereadersofstory—books,bythefirelight,trembledtothinkofCassimBabacutintoquarters,hangingintheRobbers’Cave,orhadsomesmallmisgivingsthatthefiercelittleoldwoman,withthecrutch,whousedtostartoutoftheboxinthemerchantAbudah’sbedroom,might,oneofthesenights,befounduponthestairs,inthelong,cold,duskyjourneyuptobed。
When,inrusticplaces,thelastglimmeringofdaylightdiedawayfromtheendsofavenues;andthetrees,archingoverhead,weresullenandblack。When,inparksandwoods,thehighwetfernandsoddenmoss,andbedsoffallenleaves,andtrunksoftrees,werelosttoview,inmassesofimpenetrableshade。Whenmistsarosefromdyke,andfen,andriver。Whenlightsinoldhallsandincottagewindows,wereacheerfulsight。Whenthemillstopped,thewheelwrightandtheblacksmithshuttheirworkshops,theturnpike—
gateclosed,theploughandharrowwereleftlonelyinthefields,thelabourerandteamwenthome,andthestrikingofthechurchclockhadadeepersoundthanatnoon,andthechurchyardwicketwouldbeswungnomorethatnight。
Whentwilighteverywherereleasedtheshadows,prisonedupallday,thatnowclosedinandgatheredlikemusteringswarmsofghosts。
Whentheystoodlowering,incornersofrooms,andfrownedoutfrombehindhalf—openeddoors。Whentheyhadfullpossessionofunoccupiedapartments。Whentheydanceduponthefloors,andwalls,andceilingsofinhabitedchambers,whilethefirewaslow,andwithdrewlikeebbingwaterswhenitsprangintoablaze。Whentheyfantasticallymockedtheshapesofhouseholdobjects,makingthenurseanogress,therocking—horseamonster,thewonderingchild,half—scaredandhalf—amused,astrangertoitself,—theverytongsuponthehearth,astraddlinggiantwithhisarmsa—
kimbo,evidentlysmellingthebloodofEnglishmen,andwantingtogrindpeople’sbonestomakehisbread。
Whentheseshadowsbroughtintothemindsofolderpeople,otherthoughts,andshowedthemdifferentimages。Whentheystolefromtheirretreats,inthelikenessesofformsandfacesfromthepast,fromthegrave,fromthedeep,deepgulf,wherethethingsthatmighthavebeen,andneverwere,arealwayswandering。
Whenhesat,asalreadymentioned,gazingatthefire。When,asitroseandfell,theshadowswentandcame。Whenhetooknoheedofthem,withhisbodilyeyes;but,letthemcomeorletthemgo,lookedfixedlyatthefire。Youshouldhaveseenhim,then。
Whenthesoundsthathadarisenwiththeshadows,andcomeoutoftheirlurking—placesatthetwilightsummons,seemedtomakeadeeperstillnessallabouthim。Whenthewindwasrumblinginthechimney,andsometimescrooning,sometimeshowling,inthehouse。
Whentheoldtreesoutsideweresoshakenandbeaten,thatonequerulousoldrook,unabletosleep,protestednowandthen,inafeeble,dozy,high—up"Caw!"When,atintervals,thewindowtrembled,therustyvaneupontheturret—topcomplained,theclockbeneathitrecordedthatanotherquarterofanhourwasgone,orthefirecollapsedandfellinwitharattle。
—Whenaknockcameathisdoor,inshort,ashewassittingso,androusedhim。
"Who’sthat?"saidhe。"Comein!"
Surelytherehadbeennofigureleaningonthebackofhischair;
nofacelookingoverit。Itiscertainthatnoglidingfootsteptouchedthefloor,ashelifteduphishead,withastart,andspoke。Andyettherewasnomirrorintheroomonwhosesurfacehisownformcouldhavecastitsshadowforamoment;and,Somethinghadpasseddarklyandgone!
"I’mhumblyfearful,sir,"saidafresh—colouredbusyman,holdingthedooropenwithhisfootfortheadmissionofhimselfandawoodentrayhecarried,andlettingitgoagainbyverygentleandcarefuldegrees,whenheandthetrayhadgotin,lestitshouldclosenoisily,"thatit’sagoodbitpastthetimeto—night。ButMrs。Williamhasbeentakenoffherlegssooften"—
"Bythewind?Ay!Ihavehearditrising。"
"—Bythewind,sir—thatit’samercyshegothomeatall。Ohdear,yes。Yes。Itwasbythewind,Mr。Redlaw。Bythewind。"
Hehad,bythistime,putdownthetrayfordinner,andwasemployedinlightingthelamp,andspreadingaclothonthetable。
Fromthisemploymenthedesistedinahurry,tostirandfeedthefire,andthenresumedit;thelamphehadlighted,andtheblazethatroseunderhishand,soquicklychangingtheappearanceoftheroom,thatitseemedasifthemerecominginofhisfreshredfaceandactivemannerhadmadethepleasantalteration。
"Mrs。Williamisofcoursesubjectatanytime,sir,tobetakenoffherbalancebytheelements。SheisnotformedsuperiortoTHAT。"
"No,"returnedMr。Redlawgood—naturedly,thoughabruptly。
"No,sir。Mrs。WilliammaybetakenoffherbalancebyEarth;asforexample,lastSundayweek,whensloppyandgreasy,andshegoingouttoteawithhernewestsister—in—law,andhavingaprideinherself,andwishingtoappearperfectlyspotlessthoughpedestrian。Mrs。WilliammaybetakenoffherbalancebyAir;asbeingonceover—persuadedbyafriendtotryaswingatPeckhamFair,whichactedonherconstitutioninstantlylikeasteam—boat。
Mrs。WilliammaybetakenoffherbalancebyFire;asonafalsealarmofenginesathermother’s,whenshewenttwomilesinhernightcap。Mrs。WilliammaybetakenoffherbalancebyWater;asatBattersea,whenrowedintothepiersbyheryoungnephew,CharleySwidgerjunior,agedtwelve,whichhadnoideaofboatswhatever。Buttheseareelements。Mrs。WilliammustbetakenoutofelementsforthestrengthofHERcharactertocomeintoplay。"
Ashestoppedforareply,thereplywas"Yes,"inthesametoneasbefore。
"Yes,sir。Ohdear,yes!"saidMr。Swidger,stillproceedingwithhispreparations,andcheckingthemoffashemadethem。"That’swhereitis,sir。That’swhatIalwayssaymyself,sir。SuchamanyofusSwidgers!—Pepper。Whythere’smyfather,sir,superannuatedkeeperandcustodianofthisInstitution,eighty—
sevenyearold。He’saSwidger!—Spoon。"
"True,William,"wasthepatientandabstractedanswer,whenhestoppedagain。
"Yes,sir,"saidMr。Swidger。"That’swhatIalwayssay,sir。Youmaycallhimthetrunkofthetree!—Bread。Thenyoucometohissuccessor,myunworthyself—Salt—andMrs。William,Swidgersboth。—Knifeandfork。Thenyoucometoallmybrothersandtheirfamilies,Swidgers,manandwoman,boyandgirl。Why,whatwithcousins,uncles,aunts,andrelationshipsofthis,that,andt’otherdegree,andwhatnotdegree,andmarriages,andlyings—in,theSwidgers—Tumbler—mighttakeholdofhands,andmakearingroundEngland!
Receivingnoreplyatallhere,fromthethoughtfulmanwhomheaddressed,Mr。Williamapproached,himnearer,andmadeafeintofaccidentallyknockingthetablewithadecanter,torousehim。Themomenthesucceeded,hewenton,asifingreatalacrityofacquiescence。
"Yes,sir!That’sjustwhatIsaymyself,sir。Mrs。Williamandmehaveoftensaidso。’There’sSwidgersenough,’wesay,’withoutOURvoluntarycontributions,’—Butter。Infact,sir,myfatherisafamilyinhimself—Castors—totakecareof;andithappensallforthebestthatwehavenochildofourown,thoughit’smadeMrs。Williamratherquiet—like,too。Quitereadyforthefowlandmashedpotatoes,sir?Mrs。Williamsaidshe’ddishintenminuteswhenIlefttheLodge。"
"Iamquiteready,"saidtheother,wakingasfromadream,andwalkingslowlytoandfro。
"Mrs。Williamhasbeenatitagain,sir!"saidthekeeper,ashestoodwarmingaplateatthefire,andpleasantlyshadinghisfacewithit。Mr。Redlawstoppedinhiswalking,andanexpressionofinterestappearedinhim。
"WhatIalwayssaymyself,sir。SheWILLdoit!There’samotherlyfeelinginMrs。William’sbreastthatmustandwillhavewent。"
"Whathasshedone?"
"Why,sir,notsatisfiedwithbeingasortofmothertoalltheyounggentlementhatcomeupfromavarietyofparts,toattendyourcoursesoflecturesatthisancientfoundation—itssurprisinghowstone—chaneycatchestheheatthisfrostyweather,tobesure!"Hereheturnedtheplate,andcooledhisfingers。
"Well?"saidMr。Redlaw。
"That’sjustwhatIsaymyself,sir,"returnedMr。William,speakingoverhisshoulder,asifinreadyanddelightedassent。
"That’sexactlywhereitis,sir!Thereain’toneofourstudentsbutappearstoregardMrs。Williaminthatlight。Everyday,rightthroughthecourse,theyputstheirheadsintotheLodge,oneafteranother,andhaveallgotsomethingtotellher,orsomethingtoaskher。’Swidge’istheappellationbywhichtheyspeakofMrs。
Williamingeneral,amongthemselves,I’mtold;butthat’swhatI
say,sir。Betterbecalledeversofaroutofyourname,ifit’sdoneinrealliking,thanhaveitmadeeversomuchof,andnotcaredabout!What’sanamefor?Toknowapersonby。IfMrs。
Williamisknownbysomethingbetterthanhername—IalludetoMrs。William’squalitiesanddisposition—nevermindhername,thoughitISSwidger,byrights。Let’emcallherSwidge,Widge,Bridge—Lord!LondonBridge,Blackfriars,Chelsea,Putney,Waterloo,orHammersmithSuspension—iftheylike。"
Thecloseofthistriumphantorationbroughthimandtheplatetothetable,uponwhichhehalflaidandhalfdroppedit,withalivelysenseofitsbeingthoroughlyheated,justasthesubjectofhispraisesenteredtheroom,bearinganothertrayandalantern,andfollowedbyavenerableoldmanwithlonggreyhair。
Mrs。William,likeMr。William,wasasimple,innocent—lookingperson,inwhosesmoothcheeksthecheerfulredofherhusband’sofficialwaistcoatwasverypleasantlyrepeated。ButwhereasMr。
William’slighthairstoodonendalloverhishead,andseemedtodrawhiseyesupwithitinanexcessofbustlingreadinessforanything,thedarkbrownhairofMrs。Williamwascarefullysmootheddown,andwavedawayunderatrimtidycap,inthemostexactandquietmannerimaginable。WhereasMr。William’sverytrousershitchedthemselvesupattheankles,asifitwerenotintheiriron—greynaturetorestwithoutlookingaboutthem,Mrs。
William’sneatly—floweredskirts—redandwhite,likeherownprettyface—wereascomposedandorderly,asiftheverywindthatblewsohardoutofdoorscouldnotdisturboneoftheirfolds。Whereashiscoathadsomethingofafly—awayandhalf—offappearanceaboutthecollarandbreast,herlittlebodicewassoplacidandneat,thatthereshouldhavebeenprotectionforher,init,hadsheneededany,withtheroughestpeople。Whocouldhavehadthehearttomakesocalmabosomswellwithgrief,orthrobwithfear,orflutterwithathoughtofshame!Towhomwoulditsreposeandpeacehavenotappealedagainstdisturbance,liketheinnocentslumberofachild!
"Punctual,ofcourse,Milly,"saidherhusband,relievingherofthetray,"oritwouldn’tbeyou。Here’sMrs。William,sir!—Helookslonelierthaneverto—night,"whisperingtohiswife,ashewastakingthetray,"andghostlieraltogether。"
Withoutanyshowofhurryornoise,oranyshowofherselfeven,shewassocalmandquiet,Millysetthedishesshehadbroughtuponthetable,—Mr。William,aftermuchclatteringandrunningabout,havingonlygainedpossessionofabutter—boatofgravy,whichhestoodreadytoserve。
"Whatisthattheoldmanhasinhisarms?"askedMr。Redlaw,ashesatdowntohissolitarymeal。
"Holly,sir,"repliedthequietvoiceofMilly。
"That’swhatIsaymyself,sir,"interposedMr。William,strikinginwiththebutter—boat。"Berriesissoseasonabletothetimeofyear!—Browngravy!"
"AnotherChristmascome,anotheryeargone!"murmuredtheChemist,withagloomysigh。"Morefiguresinthelengtheningsumofrecollectionthatweworkandworkattoourtorment,tillDeathidlyjumblesalltogether,andrubsallout。So,Philip!"breakingoff,andraisinghisvoiceasheaddressedtheoldman,standingapart,withhisglisteningburdeninhisarms,fromwhichthequietMrs。Williamtooksmallbranches,whichshenoiselesslytrimmedwithherscissors,anddecoratedtheroomwith,whileheragedfather—in—lawlookedonmuchinterestedintheceremony。
"Mydutytoyou,sir,"returnedtheoldman。"Shouldhavespokebefore,sir,butknowyourways,Mr。Redlaw—proudtosay—andwaittillspoketo!MerryChristmas,sir,andHappyNewYear,andmanyof’em。Havehadaprettymanyof’emmyself—ha,ha!—andmaytakethelibertyofwishing’em。I’meighty—seven!"
"Haveyouhadsomanythatweremerryandhappy?"askedtheother。
"Ay,sir,eversomany,"returnedtheoldman。
"Ishismemoryimpairedwithage?Itistobeexpectednow,"saidMr。Redlaw,turningtotheson,andspeakinglower。
"Notamorselofit,sir,"repliedMr。William。"That’sexactlywhatIsaymyself,sir。Thereneverwassuchamemoryasmyfather’s。He’sthemostwonderfulmanintheworld。Hedon’tknowwhatforgettingmeans。It’stheveryobservationI’malwaysmakingtoMrs。William,sir,ifyou’llbelieveme!"
Mr。Swidger,inhispolitedesiretoseemtoacquiesceatallevents,deliveredthisasiftherewerenoiotaofcontradictioninit,anditwereallsaidinunboundedandunqualifiedassent。
TheChemistpushedhisplateaway,and,risingfromthetable,walkedacrosstheroomtowheretheoldmanstoodlookingatalittlesprigofhollyinhishand。
"Itrecallsthetimewhenmanyofthoseyearswereoldandnew,then?"hesaid,observinghimattentively,andtouchinghimontheshoulder。"Doesit?"
"Ohmany,many!"saidPhilip,halfawakingfromhisreverie。"I’meighty—seven!"
"Merryandhappy,wasit?"askedtheChemistinalowvoice。
"Merryandhappy,oldman?"
"Maybeashighasthat,nohigher,"saidtheoldman,holdingouthishandalittlewayabovethelevelofhisknee,andlookingretrospectivelyathisquestioner,"whenIfirstremember’em!
Cold,sunshinydayitwas,outa—walking,whensomeone—itwasmymotherassureasyoustandthere,thoughIdon’tknowwhatherblessedfacewaslike,forshetookillanddiedthatChristmas—
time—toldmetheywerefoodforbirds。Theprettylittlefellowthought—that’sme,youunderstand—thatbirds’eyesweresobright,perhaps,becausetheberriesthattheylivedoninthewinterweresobright。Irecollectthat。AndI’meighty—seven!"
"Merryandhappy!"musedtheother,bendinghisdarkeyesuponthestoopingfigure,withasmileofcompassion。"Merryandhappy—
andrememberwell?"
"Ay,ay,ay!"resumedtheoldman,catchingthelastwords。"I
remember’emwellinmyschooltime,yearafteryear,andallthemerry—makingthatusedtocomealongwiththem。Iwasastrongchapthen,Mr。Redlaw;and,ifyou’llbelieveme,hadn’tmymatchatfootballwithintenmile。Where’smysonWilliam?Hadn’tmymatchatfootball,William,withintenmile!"
That’swhatIalwayssay,father!"returnedthesonpromptly,andwithgreatrespect。"YouAREaSwidger,ifevertherewasoneofthefamily!"
"Dear!"saidtheoldman,shakinghisheadasheagainlookedattheholly。"Hismother—mysonWilliam’smyyoungestson—andI,havesatamongem’all,boysandgirls,littlechildrenandbabies,manyayear,whentheberrieslikethesewerenotshininghalfsobrightallroundus,astheirbrightfaces。Manyof’emaregone;
she’sgone;andmysonGeorge(oureldest,whowasherpridemorethanalltherest!)isfallenverylow:butIcanseethem,whenI
lookhere,aliveandhealthy,astheyusedtobeinthosedays;andIcanseehim,thankGod,inhisinnocence。It’sablessedthingtome,ateighty—seven。"
Thekeenlookthathadbeenfixeduponhimwithsomuchearnestness,hadgraduallysoughttheground。
"Whenmycircumstancesgottobenotsogoodasformerly,throughnotbeinghonestlydealtby,andIfirstcomeheretobecustodian,"saidtheoldman,"—whichwasupwardsoffiftyyearsago—where’smysonWilliam?Morethanhalfacenturyago,William!"
"That’swhatIsay,father,"repliedtheson,aspromptlyanddutifullyasbefore,"that’sexactlywhereitis。Twotimesought’sanought,andtwicefiveten,andthere’sahundredof’em。"
"Itwasquiteapleasuretoknowthatoneofourfounders—ormorecorrectlyspeaking,"saidtheoldman,withagreatgloryinhissubjectandhisknowledgeofit,"oneofthelearnedgentlementhathelpedendowusinQueenElizabeth’stime,forwewerefoundedaforeherday—leftinhiswill,amongtheotherbequestshemadeus,somuchtobuyholly,forgarnishingthewallsandwindows,comeChristmas。Therewassomethinghomelyandfriendlyinit。
Beingbutstrangehere,then,andcomingatChristmastime,wetookalikingforhisverypicterthathangsinwhatusedtobe,anciently,aforeourtenpoorgentlemencommutedforanannualstipendinmoney,ourgreatDinnerHall。—Asedategentlemaninapeakedbeard,witharuffroundhisneck,andascrollbelowhim,inoldEnglishletters,’Lord!keepmymemorygreen!’Youknowallabouthim,Mr。Redlaw?"
"Iknowtheportraithangsthere,Philip。"
"Yes,sure,it’sthesecondontheright,abovethepanelling。I
wasgoingtosay—hehashelpedtokeepMYmemorygreen,Ithankhim;forgoingroundthebuildingeveryyear,asI’madoingnow,andfresheningupthebareroomswiththesebranchesandberries,freshensupmybareoldbrain。Oneyearbringsbackanother,andthatyearanother,andthoseothersnumbers!Atlast,itseemstomeasifthebirth—timeofourLordwasthebirth—timeofallI
haveeverhadaffectionfor,ormournedfor,ordelightedin,—andthey’reaprettymany,forI’meighty—seven!"
"Merryandhappy,"murmuredRedlawtohimself。
Theroombegantodarkenstrangely。
"Soyousee,sir,"pursuedoldPhilip,whosehalewintrycheekhadwarmedintoaruddierglow,andwhoseblueeyeshadbrightenedwhilehespoke,"Ihaveplentytokeep,whenIkeepthispresentseason。Now,where’smyquietMouse?Chattering’sthesinofmytimeoflife,andthere’shalfthebuildingtodoyet,ifthecolddon’tfreezeusfirst,orthewinddon’tblowusaway,orthedarknessdon’tswallowusup。"
ThequietMousehadbroughthercalmfacetohisside,andsilentlytakenhisarm,beforehefinishedspeaking。
"Comeaway,mydear,"saidtheoldman。"Mr。Redlawwon’tsettletohisdinner,otherwise,tillit’scoldasthewinter。Ihopeyou’llexcusemeramblingon,sir,andIwishyougoodnight,and,onceagain,amerry—"
"Stay!"saidMr。Redlaw,resuminghisplaceatthetable,more,itwouldhaveseemedfromhismanner,toreassuretheoldkeeper,thaninanyremembranceofhisownappetite。"Sparemeanothermoment,Philip。William,youweregoingtotellmesomethingtoyourexcellentwife’shonour。Itwillnotbedisagreeabletohertohearyoupraiseher。Whatwasit?"
"Why,that’swhereitis,yousee,sir,"returnedMr。WilliamSwidger,lookingtowardshiswifeinconsiderableembarrassment。
"Mrs。William’sgothereyeuponme。"
"Butyou’renotafraidofMrs。William’seye?"
"Why,no,sir,"returnedMr。Swidger,"that’swhatIsaymyself。
Itwasn’tmadetobeafraidof。Itwouldn’thavebeenmadesomild,ifthatwastheintention。ButIwouldn’tliketo—Milly!—
him,youknow。DownintheBuildings。"
Mr。William,standingbehindthetable,andrummagingdisconcertedlyamongtheobjectsuponit,directedpersuasiveglancesatMrs。William,andsecretjerksofhisheadandthumbatMr。Redlaw,asalluringhertowardshim。
"Him,youknow,mylove,"saidMr。William。"DownintheBuildings。Tell,mydear!You’retheworksofShakespeareincomparisonwithmyself。DownintheBuildings,youknow,mylove。
—Student。"
"Student?"repeatedMr。Redlaw,raisinghishead。
"That’swhatIsay,sir!"criedMr。William,intheutmostanimationofassent。"Ifitwasn’tthepoorstudentdownintheBuildings,whyshouldyouwishtohearitfromMrs。William’slips?
Mrs。William,mydear—Buildings。"
"Ididn’tknow,"saidMilly,withaquietfrankness,freefromanyhasteorconfusion,"thatWilliamhadsaidanythingaboutit,orI
wouldn’thavecome。Iaskedhimnotto。It’sasickyounggentleman,sir—andverypoor,Iamafraid—whoistooilltogohomethisholiday—time,andlives,unknowntoanyone,inbutacommonkindoflodgingforagentleman,downinJerusalemBuildings。That’sall,sir。"
"WhyhaveIneverheardofhim?"saidtheChemist,risinghurriedly。"Whyhashenotmadehissituationknowntome?Sick!
—givememyhatandcloak。Poor!—whathouse?—whatnumber?"
"Oh,youmustn’tgothere,sir,"saidMilly,leavingherfather—in—
law,andcalmlyconfrontinghimwithhercollectedlittlefaceandfoldedhands。
"Notgothere?"
"Ohdear,no!"saidMilly,shakingherheadasatamostmanifestandself—evidentimpossibility。"Itcouldn’tbethoughtof!"
"Whatdoyoumean?Whynot?"
"Why,yousee,sir,"saidMr。WilliamSwidger,persuasivelyandconfidentially,"that’swhatIsay。Dependuponit,theyounggentlemanwouldneverhavemadehissituationknowntooneofhisownsex。Mrs。Williamshasgotintohisconfidence,butthat’squitedifferent。TheyallconfideinMrs。William;theyalltrustHER。Aman,sir,couldn’thavegotawhisperoutofhim;butwoman,sir,andMrs。Williamcombined—!"
"Thereisgoodsenseanddelicacyinwhatyousay,William,"
returnedMr。Redlaw,observantofthegentleandcomposedfaceathisshoulder。Andlayinghisfingeronhislip,hesecretlyputhispurseintoherhand。
"Ohdearno,sir!"criedMilly,givingitbackagain。"Worseandworse!Couldn’tbedreamedof!"
Suchastaidmatter—of—facthousewifeshewas,andsounruffledbythemomentaryhasteofthisrejection,that,aninstantafterwards,shewastidilypickingupafewleaveswhichhadstrayedfrombetweenherscissorsandherapron,whenshehadarrangedtheholly。
Finding,whensherosefromherstoopingposture,thatMr。Redlawwasstillregardingherwithdoubtandastonishment,shequietlyrepeated—lookingabout,thewhile,foranyotherfragmentsthatmighthaveescapedherobservation:
"Ohdearno,sir!Hesaidthatofalltheworldhewouldnotbeknowntoyou,orreceivehelpfromyou—thoughheisastudentinyourclass。Ihavemadenotermsofsecrecywithyou,butItrusttoyourhonourcompletely。"
"Whydidhesayso?"
"IndeedIcan’ttell,sir,"saidMilly,afterthinkingalittle,"becauseIamnotatallclever,youknow;andIwantedtobeusefultohiminmakingthingsneatandcomfortableabouthim,andemployedmyselfthatway。ButIknowheispoor,andlonely,andI
thinkheissomehowneglectedtoo。—Howdarkitis!"
Theroomhaddarkenedmoreandmore。TherewasaveryheavygloomandshadowgatheringbehindtheChemist’schair。
"Whatmoreabouthim?"heasked。
"Heisengagedtobemarriedwhenhecanaffordit,"saidMilly,"andisstudying,Ithink,toqualifyhimselftoearnaliving。I
haveseen,alongtime,thathehasstudiedhardanddeniedhimselfmuch。—Howverydarkitis!"
"It’sturnedcolder,too,"saidtheoldman,rubbinghishands。
"There’sachillanddismalfeelingintheroom。Where’smysonWilliam?William,myboy,turnthelamp,androusethefire!"
Milly’svoiceresumed,likequietmusicverysoftlyplayed:
"Hemutteredinhisbrokensleepyesterdayafternoon,aftertalkingtome"(thiswastoherself)"aboutsomeonedead,andsomegreatwrongdonethatcouldneverbeforgotten;butwhethertohimortoanotherperson,Idon’tknow。NotBYhim,Iamsure。"
"And,inshort,Mrs。William,yousee—whichshewouldn’tsayherself,Mr。Redlaw,ifshewastostopheretillthenewyearafterthisnextone—"saidMr。William,cominguptohimtospeakinhisear,"hasdonehimworldsofgood!Blessyou,worldsofgood!Allathomejustthesameasever—myfathermadeassnugandcomfortable—notacrumboflittertobefoundinthehouse,ifyouweretoofferfiftypoundreadymoneyforit—Mrs。Williamapparentlyneveroutoftheway—yetMrs。Williambackwardsandforwards,backwardsandforwards,upanddown,upanddown,amothertohim!"
Theroomturneddarkerandcolder,andthegloomandshadowgatheringbehindthechairwasheavier。
"Notcontentwiththis,sir,Mrs。Williamgoesandfinds,thisverynight,whenshewascominghome(whyit’snotaboveacoupleofhoursago),acreaturemorelikeayoungwildbeastthanayoungchild,shiveringuponadoor—step。WhatdoesMrs。Williamdo,butbringsithometodryit,andfeedit,andkeepittillouroldBountyoffoodandflannelisgivenaway,onChristmasmorning!Ifiteverfeltafirebefore,it’sasmuchaseveritdid;forit’ssittingintheoldLodgechimney,staringatoursasifitsravenouseyeswouldnevershutagain。It’ssittingthere,atleast,"saidMr。William,correctinghimself,onreflection,"unlessit’sbolted!"
"Heavenkeepherhappy!"saidtheChemistaloud,"andyoutoo,Philip!andyou,William!Imustconsiderwhattodointhis。I
maydesiretoseethisstudent,I’llnotdetainyouanylongernow。
Good—night!"
"Ithank’ee,sir,Ithank’ee!"saidtheoldman,"forMouse,andformysonWilliam,andformyself。Where’smysonWilliam?
William,youtakethelanternandgoonfirst,throughthemlongdarkpassages,asyoudidlastyearandtheyearafore。Haha!I
remember—thoughI’meighty—seven!’Lord,keepmymemorygreen!’
It’saverygoodprayer,Mr。Redlaw,thatofthelearnedgentlemaninthepeakedbeard,witharuffroundhisneck—hangsup,secondontherightabovethepanelling,inwhatusedtobe,aforeourtenpoorgentlemencommuted,ourgreatDinnerHall。’Lord,keepmymemorygreen!’It’sverygoodandpious,sir。Amen!Amen!"
Astheypassedoutandshuttheheavydoor,which,howevercarefullywithheld,firedalongtrainofthunderingreverberationswhenitshutatlast,theroomturneddarker。
Ashefellamusinginhischairalone,thehealthyhollywitheredonthewall,anddropped—deadbranches。
Asthegloomandshadowthickenedbehindhim,inthatplacewhereithadbeengatheringsodarkly,ittook,byslowdegrees,—oroutofittherecame,bysomeunreal,unsubstantialprocess—nottobetracedbyanyhumansense,—anawfullikenessofhimself!
Ghastlyandcold,colourlessinitsleadenfaceandhands,butwithhisfeatures,andhisbrighteyes,andhisgrizzledhair,anddressedinthegloomyshadowofhisdress,itcameintohisterribleappearanceofexistence,motionless,withoutasound。AsHEleanedhisarmupontheelbowofhischair,ruminatingbeforethefire,ITleaneduponthechair—back,closeabovehim,withitsappallingcopyofhisfacelookingwherehisfacelooked,andbearingtheexpressionhisfacebore。
This,then,wastheSomethingthathadpassedandgonealready。
Thiswasthedreadcompanionofthehauntedman!
Ittook,forsomemoments,nomoreapparentheedofhim,thanheofit。TheChristmasWaitswereplayingsomewhereinthedistance,and,throughhisthoughtfulness,heseemedtolistentothemusic。
Itseemedtolistentoo。
Atlengthhespoke;withoutmovingorliftinguphisface。
"Hereagain!"hesaid。
"Hereagain,"repliedthePhantom。
"Iseeyouinthefire,"saidthehauntedman;"Ihearyouinmusic,inthewind,inthedeadstillnessofthenight。"
ThePhantommoveditshead,assenting。
"Whydoyoucome,tohauntmethus?"
"IcomeasIamcalled,"repliedtheGhost。
"No。Unbidden,"exclaimedtheChemist。
"Unbiddenbeit,"saidtheSpectre。"Itisenough。Iamhere。"
Hithertothelightofthefirehadshoneonthetwofaces—ifthedreadlineamentsbehindthechairmightbecalledaface—bothaddressedtowardsit,asatfirst,andneitherlookingattheother。But,now,thehauntedmanturned,suddenly,andstaredupontheGhost。TheGhost,assuddeninitsmotion,passedtobeforethechair,andstaredonhim。
Thelivingman,andtheanimatedimageofhimselfdead,mightsohavelooked,theoneupontheother。Anawfulsurvey,inalonelyandremotepartofanemptyoldpileofbuilding,onawinternight,withtheloudwindgoingbyuponitsjourneyofmystery—
whenceorwhither,nomanknowingsincetheworldbegan—andthestars,inunimaginablemillions,glitteringthroughit,frometernalspace,wheretheworld’sbulkisasagrain,anditshoaryageisinfancy。
"Lookuponme!"saidtheSpectre。"Iamhe,neglectedinmyyouth,andmiserablypoor,whostroveandsuffered,andstillstroveandsuffered,untilIhewedoutknowledgefromtheminewhereitwasburied,andmaderuggedstepsthereof,formywornfeettorestandriseon。"
"IAMthatman,"returnedtheChemist。
"Nomother’sself—denyinglove,"pursuedthePhantom,"nofather’scounsel,aidedME。Astrangercameintomyfather’splacewhenI
wasbutachild,andIwaseasilyanalienfrommymother’sheart。
Myparents,atthebest,wereofthatsortwhosecaresoonends,andwhosedutyissoondone;whocasttheiroffspringloose,early,asbirdsdotheirs;and,iftheydowell,claimthemerit;and,ifill,thepity。"
Itpaused,andseemedtotemptandgoadhimwithitslook,andwiththemannerofitsspeech,andwithitssmile。
"Iamhe,"pursuedthePhantom,"who,inthisstruggleupward,foundafriend。Imadehim—wonhim—boundhimtome!Weworkedtogether,sidebyside。Alltheloveandconfidencethatinmyearlieryouthhadhadnooutlet,andfoundnoexpression,I
bestowedonhim。"
"Notall,"saidRedlaw,hoarsely。
"No,notall,"returnedthePhantom。"Ihadasister。"
Thehauntedman,withhisheadrestingonhishands,replied"I
had!"ThePhantom,withanevilsmile,drewclosertothechair,andrestingitschinuponitsfoldedhands,itsfoldedhandsupontheback,andlookingdownintohisfacewithsearchingeyes,thatseemedinstinctwithfire,wenton:
"SuchglimpsesofthelightofhomeasIhadeverknown,hadstreamedfromher。Howyoungshewas,howfair,howloving!I
tookhertothefirstpoorroofthatIwasmasterof,andmadeitrich。Shecameintothedarknessofmylife,andmadeitbright。—
Sheisbeforeme!"
"Isawher,inthefire,butnow。Ihearherinmusic,inthewind,inthedeadstillnessofthenight,"returnedthehauntedman。
"DIDheloveher?"saidthePhantom,echoinghiscontemplativetone。"Ithinkhedid,once。Iamsurehedid。Betterhadshelovedhimless—lesssecretly,lessdearly,fromtheshallowerdepthsofamoredividedheart!"
"Letmeforgetit!"saidtheChemist,withanangrymotionofhishand。"Letmeblotitfrommymemory!"
TheSpectre,withoutstirring,andwithitsunwinking,crueleyesstillfixeduponhisface,wenton:
"Adream,likehers,stoleuponmyownlife。"
"Itdid,"saidRedlaw。
"Alove,aslikehers,"pursuedthePhantom,"asmyinferiornaturemightcherish,aroseinmyownheart。Iwastoopoortobinditsobjecttomyfortunethen,byanythreadofpromiseorentreaty。Ilovedherfartoowell,toseektodoit。But,morethaneverIhadstriveninmylife,Istrovetoclimb!Onlyaninchgained,broughtmesomethingnearertotheheight。Itoiledup!Inthelatepausesofmylabouratthattime,—mysister(sweetcompanion!)stillsharingwithmetheexpiringembersandthecoolinghearth,—whendaywasbreaking,whatpicturesofthefuturedidIsee!"
"Isawthem,inthefire,butnow,"hemurmured。"Theycomebacktomeinmusic,inthewind,inthedeadstillnessofthenight,intherevolvingyears。"
"—Picturesofmyowndomesticlife,inaftertime,withherwhowastheinspirationofmytoil。Picturesofmysister,madethewifeofmydearfriend,onequalterms—forhehadsomeinheritance,wenone—picturesofoursoberedageandmellowedhappiness,andofthegoldenlinks,extendingbacksofar,thatshouldbindus,andourchildren,inaradiantgarland,"saidthePhantom。
"Pictures,"saidthehauntedman,"thatweredelusions。Whyisitmydoomtorememberthemtoowell!"
"Delusions,"echoedthePhantominitschangelessvoice,andglaringonhimwithitschangelesseyes。"Formyfriend(inwhosebreastmyconfidencewaslockedasinmyown),passingbetweenmeandthecentreofthesystemofmyhopesandstruggles,wonhertohimself,andshatteredmyfrailuniverse。Mysister,doublydear,doublydevoted,doublycheerfulinmyhome,livedontoseemefamous,andmyoldambitionsorewardedwhenitsspringwasbroken,andthen—"
"Thendied,"heinterposed。"Died,gentleasever;happy;andwithnoconcernbutforherbrother。Peace!"
ThePhantomwatchedhimsilently。
"Remembered!"saidthehauntedman,afterapause。"Yes。Sowellremembered,thatevennow,whenyearshavepassed,andnothingismoreidleormorevisionarytomethantheboyishlovesolongoutlived,Ithinkofitwithsympathy,asifitwereayoungerbrother’sorason’s。SometimesIevenwonderwhenherheartfirstinclinedtohim,andhowithadbeenaffectedtowardsme。—Notlightly,once,Ithink。—Butthatisnothing。Earlyunhappiness,awoundfromahandIlovedandtrusted,andalossthatnothingcanreplace,outlivesuchfancies。"
"Thus,"saidthePhantom,"IbearwithinmeaSorrowandaWrong。
ThusIpreyuponmyself。Thus,memoryismycurse;and,ifIcouldforgetmysorrowandmywrong,Iwould!"
"Mocker!"saidtheChemist,leapingup,andmaking,withawrathfulhand,atthethroatofhisotherself。"WhyhaveIalwaysthattauntinmyears?"
"Forbear!"exclaimedtheSpectreinanawfulvoice。"LayahandonMe,anddie!"
Hestoppedmidway,asifitswordshadparalysedhim,andstoodlookingonit。Ithadglidedfromhim;ithaditsarmraisedhighinwarning;andasmilepassedoveritsunearthlyfeatures,asitreareditsdarkfigureintriumph。
"IfIcouldforgetmysorrowandwrong,Iwould,"theGhostrepeated。"IfIcouldforgetmysorrowandmywrong,Iwould!"
"Evilspiritofmyself,"returnedthehauntedman,inalow,tremblingtone,"mylifeisdarkenedbythatincessantwhisper。"
"Itisanecho,"saidthePhantom。
"Ifitbeanechoofmythoughts—asnow,indeed,Iknowitis,"
rejoinedthehauntedman,"whyshouldI,therefore,betormented?
Itisnotaselfishthought。Isufferittorangebeyondmyself。
Allmenandwomenhavetheirsorrows,—mostofthemtheirwrongs;
ingratitude,andsordidjealousy,andinterest,besettingalldegreesoflife。Whowouldnotforgettheirsorrowsandtheirwrongs?"
"Whowouldnot,truly,andbehappierandbetterforit?"saidthePhantom。
"Theserevolutionsofyears,whichwecommemorate,"proceededRedlaw,"whatdoTHEYrecall!Arethereanymindsinwhichtheydonotre—awakensomesorrow,orsometrouble?Whatistheremembranceoftheoldmanwhowashereto—night?Atissueofsorrowandtrouble。"
"Butcommonnatures,"saidthePhantom,withitsevilsmileuponitsglassyface,"unenlightenedmindsandordinaryspirits,donotfeelorreasononthesethingslikemenofhighercultivationandprofounderthought。"
"Tempter,"answeredRedlaw,"whosehollowlookandvoiceIdreadmorethanwordscanexpress,andfromwhomsomedimforeshadowingofgreaterfearisstealingovermewhileIspeak,Ihearagainanechoofmyownmind。"
"ReceiveitasaproofthatIampowerful,"returnedtheGhost。
"HearwhatIoffer!Forgetthesorrow,wrong,andtroubleyouhaveknown!"
"Forgetthem!"herepeated。
"Ihavethepowertocanceltheirremembrance—toleavebutveryfaint,confusedtracesofthem,thatwilldieoutsoon,"returnedtheSpectre。"Say!Isitdone?"
"Stay!"criedthehauntedman,arrestingbyaterrifiedgesturetheupliftedhand。"Itremblewithdistrustanddoubtofyou;andthedimfearyoucastuponmedeepensintoanamelesshorrorIcanhardlybear。—Iwouldnotdeprivemyselfofanykindlyrecollection,oranysympathythatisgoodforme,orothers。WhatshallIlose,ifIassenttothis?Whatelsewillpassfrommyremembrance?"
"Noknowledge;noresultofstudy;nothingbuttheintertwistedchainoffeelingsandassociations,eachinitsturndependenton,andnourishedby,thebanishedrecollections。Thosewillgo。"
"Aretheysomany?"saidthehauntedman,reflectinginalarm。
"Theyhavebeenwonttoshowthemselvesinthefire,inmusic,inthewind,inthedeadstillnessofthenight,intherevolvingyears,"returnedthePhantomscornfully。
"Innothingelse?"
ThePhantomhelditspeace。
Buthavingstoodbeforehim,silent,foralittlewhile,itmovedtowardsthefire;thenstopped。
"Decide!"itsaid,"beforetheopportunityislost!"
"Amoment!IcallHeaventowitness,"saidtheagitatedman,"thatIhaveneverbeenahaterofanykind,—nevermorose,indifferent,orhard,toanythingaroundme。If,livingherealone,Ihavemadetoomuchofallthatwasandmighthavebeen,andtoolittleofwhatis,theevil,Ibelieve,hasfallenonme,andnotonothers。
But,iftherewerepoisoninmybody,shouldInot,possessedofantidotesandknowledgehowtousethem,usethem?Iftherebepoisoninmymind,andthroughthisfearfulshadowIcancastitout,shallInotcastitout?"
"Say,"saidtheSpectre,"isitdone?"
"Amomentlonger!"heansweredhurriedly。"IWOULDFORGETITIFI
COULD!HaveIthoughtthat,alone,orhasitbeenthethoughtofthousandsuponthousands,generationaftergeneration?Allhumanmemoryisfraughtwithsorrowandtrouble。Mymemoryisasthememoryofothermen,butothermenhavenotthischoice。Yes,I
closethebargain。Yes!IWILLforgetmysorrow,wrong,andtrouble!"
"Say,"saidtheSpectre,"isitdone?"
"Itis!"
"ITIS。Andtakethiswithyou,manwhomIhererenounce!ThegiftthatIhavegiven,youshallgiveagain,gowhereyouwill。
Withoutrecoveringyourselfthepowerthatyouhaveyieldedup,youshallhenceforthdestroyitslikeinallwhomyouapproach。Yourwisdomhasdiscoveredthatthememoryofsorrow,wrong,andtroubleisthelotofallmankind,andthatmankindwouldbethehappier,initsothermemories,withoutit。Go!Beitsbenefactor!Freedfromsuchremembrance,fromthishour,carryinvoluntarilytheblessingofsuchfreedomwithyou。Itsdiffusionisinseparableandinalienablefromyou。Go!Behappyinthegoodyouhavewon,andinthegoodyoudo!"
ThePhantom,whichhadhelditsbloodlesshandabovehimwhileitspoke,asifinsomeunholyinvocation,orsomeban;andwhichhadgraduallyadvanceditseyessoclosetohis,thathecouldseehowtheydidnotparticipateintheterriblesmileuponitsface,butwereafixed,unalterable,steadyhorrormeltedbeforehimandwasgone。
Ashestoodrootedtothespot,possessedbyfearandwonder,andimaginingheheardrepeatedinmelancholyechoes,dyingawayfainterandfainter,thewords,"Destroyitslikeinallwhomyouapproach!"ashrillcryreachedhisears。Itcame,notfromthepassagesbeyondthedoor,butfromanotherpartoftheoldbuilding,andsoundedlikethecryofsomeoneinthedarkwhohadlosttheway。
Helookedconfusedlyuponhishandsandlimbs,asiftobeassuredofhisidentity,andthenshoutedinreply,loudlyandwildly;fortherewasastrangenessandterroruponhim,asifhetoowerelost。
Thecryresponding,andbeingnearer,hecaughtupthelamp,andraisedaheavycurtaininthewall,bywhichhewasaccustomedtopassintoandoutofthetheatrewherehelectured,—whichadjoinedhisroom。Associatedwithyouthandanimation,andahighamphitheatreoffaceswhichhisentrancecharmedtointerestinamoment,itwasaghostlyplacewhenallthislifewasfadedoutofit,andstareduponhimlikeanemblemofDeath。