’Friends,’continuedthePrince,’IamthatGiglio,Iam,infact,Paflagonia。Rise,Smith,andkneelnotinthepublicstreet。Jones,thoutrueheart!Myfaithlessuncle,whenI
wasababy,filchedfrommethatbravecrownmyfatherleftme,bredme,allyoungandcarelessofmyrights,likeuntohaplessHamlet,PrinceofDenmark;andhadIanythoughtsaboutmywrongs,soothedmewithpromisesofnearredress。Ishouldespousehisdaughter,youngAngelica;wetwoindeedshouldreigninPaflagonia。Hiswordswerefalse——falseasAngelica’sheart!——falseasAngelica’shair,colour,frontteeth!ShelookedwithherskeweyesuponyoungBulbo,CrimTartary’sstupidheir,andshepreferredhim。’TwasthenIturnedmyeyesuponBetsinda——Rosalba,asshenowis。AndIsawinhertheblushingsumofallperfection;thepinkofmaidenmodesty;
thenymphthatmyfondhearthadeverwoo’dindreams,’etc。
etc。
(Idon’tgivethisspeech,whichwasveryfine,butverylong;
andthoughSmithandJonesknewnothingaboutthecircumstances,mydearreaderdoes,soIgoon。)
ThePrinceandhisyoungfriendshastenedhometohisapartment,highlyexcitedbytheintelligence,asnodoubtbytheROYALNARRATOR’Sadmirablemannerofrecountingit,andtheyranuptohisroomwherehehadworkedsohardathisbooks。
Onhiswriting—tablewashisbag,grownsolongthatthePrincecouldnothelpremarkingit。Hewenttoit,openedit,andwhatdoyouthinkhefoundinit?
Asplendidlong,gold—handled,red—velvet—scabbarded,cut—and—thrustsword,andonthesheathwasembroidered’ROSALBAFOREVER!’
Hedrewoutthesword,whichflashedandilluminatedthewholeroom,andcalledout’Rosalbaforever!’SmithandJonesfollowinghim,butquiterespectfullythistime,andtakingthetimefromHisRoyalHighness。
Andnowhistrunkopenedwithasuddenpony,andouttherecamethreeostrichfeathersinagoldcrown,surroundingabeautifulshiningsteelhelmet,acuirass,apairofspurs,finallyacompletesuitofarmour。
ThebooksonGiglio’sshelveswereallgone。Wheretherehadbeensomegreatdictionaries,Giglio’sfriendsfoundtwopairsofjack—bootslabelled,’LieutenantSmith,’’——Jones,Esq。,’
whichfittedthemtoanicety。Besides,therewerehelmets,backandbreastplates,swords,etc。,justlikeinMr。G。P。R。
James’snovels;andthateveningthreecavaliersmighthavebeenseenissuingfromthegatesofBosforo,inwhomtheporters,proctors,etc。,neverthoughtofrecognisingtheyoungPrinceandhisfriends。
Theygothorsesataliverystable—keeper’s,andneverdrewbridleuntiltheyreachedthelasttownonthefrontierbeforeyoucometoCrimTartary。Here,astheiranimalsweretired,andthecavaliershungry,theystoppedandrefreshedatanhostel。IcouldmakeachapterofthisifIwerelikesomewriters,butIliketocrammymeasuretightdown,yousee,andgiveyouagreatdealforyourmoney,and,inaword,theyhadsomebreadandcheeseandaleupstairsonthebalconyoftheinn。Astheyweredrinking,drumsandtrumpetssoundednearerandnearer,themarketplacewasfilledwithsoldiers,andHisRoyalHighnesslookingforth,recognisedthePaflagonianbanners,andthePaflagoniannationalairwhichthebandswereplaying。
Thetroopsallmadeforthetavernatonce,andastheycameupGiglioexclaimed,onbeholdingtheirleader,’WhomdoIsee?
Yes!No!Itis,itis!Phoo!No,itcan’tbe!Yes!Itismyfriend,mygallantfaithfulveteran,CaptainHedzoff!Ho!
Hedzoff!KnowestthounotthyPrince,thyGiglio?GoodCorporal,methinksweoncewerefriends。Ha,Sergeant,an’mymemoryservesmeright,wehavehadmanyaboutatsinglestick。’
’I’faith,wehave,amany,goodmyLord,’saystheSergeant。
’Tellme,whatmeansthismightyarmament,’continuedHisRoyalHighnessfromthebalcony,’andwhithermarchmyPaflagonians?’
Hedzoff’sheadfell。’MyLord,’hesaid,’wemarchasthealliesofgreatPadella,CrimTartary’smonarch。’
’CrimTartary’susurper,gallantHedzoff!CrimTartary’sgrimtyrant,honestHedzoff!’saidthePrince,onthebalcony,quitesarcastically。
’Asoldier,Prince,mustneedsobeyhisorders:minearetohelpHisMajestyPadella。Andalso(thoughalackthatIshouldsayit!)toseizewhereverIshouldlightuponhim。’
’Firstcatchyourhare!ha,Hedzoff!’exclaimedHisRoyalHighness。
’——OnthebodyofGIGLIO,whilomePrinceofPaflagonia’Hedzoffwenton,withindescribableemotion。’MyPrince,giveupyourswordwithoutado。Look!wearethirtythousandmentoone!’
’Giveupmysword!Gigliogiveuphissword!’criedthePrince;
andsteppingwellforwardontothebalcony,theroyalyouth,WITHOUTPREPARATION,deliveredaspeechsomagnificent,thatnoreportcandojusticetoit。Itwasallinblankverse(inwhich,fromthistime,heinvariablyspoke,asmorebecominghismajesticstation)。Itlastedforthreedaysandthreenights,duringwhichnotasinglepersonwhoheardhimwastired,orremarkedthedifferencebetweendaylightanddark。
Thesoldiersonlycheeringtremendously,whenoccasionally,onceinninehours,thePrincepausedtosuckanorange,whichJonestookoutofthebag。Heexplained,intermswhichwesayweshallnotattempttoconvey,thewholehistoryoftheprevioustransaction,andhisdeterminationnotonlynottogiveuphissword,buttoassumehisrightfulcrown;andattheendofthisextraordinary,thistrulyGIGANTICeffort,CaptainHedzoffflunguphishelmet,andcried,’Hurray!Hurray!LongliveKingGiglio!’
SuchweretheconsequencesofhavingemployedhistimewellatCollege!
Whentheexcitementhadceased,beerwasorderedoutforthearmy,andtheirSovereignhimselfdidnotdisdainalittle!AndnowitwaswithsomealarmthatCaptainHedzofftoldhimhisdivisionwasonlytheadvancedguardofthePaflagoniancontingent,hasteningtoKingPadella’said;themainforcebeingaday’smarchintherearunderHisRoyalHighnessPrinceBulbo。
’Wewillwaithere,goodfriend,tobeatthePrince,’HisMajestysaid,’andTHENwillmakehisroyalfatherwince。’
XV。WERETURNTOROSALBA
KingPadellamadeverysimilarproposalstoRosalbatothosewhichshehadreceivedfromthevariousprinceswho,aswehaveseen,hadfalleninlovewithher。HisMajestywasawidower,andofferedtomarryhisfaircaptivethatinstant,butshedeclinedhisinvitationinherusualpolitegentlemanner,statingthatPrinceGigliowasherlove,andthatanyotherunionwasoutofthequestion。Havingtriedtearsandsupplicationsinvain,thisviolent—temperedmonarchmenacedherwiththreatsandtortures;butshedeclaredshewouldrathersufferallthesethanacceptthehandofherfather’smurderer,wholeftherfinally,utteringthemostawfulimprecations,andbiddingherpreparefordeathonthefollowingmorning。
AllnightlongtheKingspentinadvisinghowheshouldgetridofthisobdurateyoungcreature。Cuttingoffherheadwasmuchtooeasyadeathforher;hangingwassocommoninHisMajesty’sdominionsthatitnolongeraffordedhimanysport;
finally,hebethoughthimselfofapairoffiercelionswhichhadlatelybeensenttohimaspresents,andhedetermined,withtheseferociousbrutes,tohuntpoorRosalbadown。
AdjoininghiscastlewasanamphitheatrewherethePrinceindulgedinbull—baiting,rat—hunting,andotherferocioussports。Thetwolionswerekeptinacageunderthisplace;
theirroaringmightbeheardoverthewholecity,theinhabitantsofwhich,Iamsorrytosay,throngedinnumberstoseeapooryoungladygobbledupbytwowildbeasts。
TheKingtookhisplaceintheroyalbox,havingtheofficersofhisCourtaroundandtheCountHogginarmobyhisside,uponwhomHisMajestywasobservedtolookveryfiercely;thefactis,royalspieshadtoldthemonarchofHogginarmo’sbehaviour,hisproposalstoRosalba,andhisoffertofightforthecrown。
BlackasthunderlookedKingPadellaatthisproudnoble,astheysatinthefrontseatsofthetheatrewaitingtoseethetragedywhereofpoorRosalbawastobetheheroine。
AtlengththatPrincesswasbroughtoutinhernightgown,withallherbeautifulhairfallingdownherback,andlookingsoprettythateventhebeef—eatersandkeepersofthewildanimalsweptplentifullyatseeingher。Andshewalkedwithherpoorlittlefeet(onlyluckilythearenawascoveredwithsawdust),andwentandleanedupagainstagreatstoneinthecentreoftheamphitheatre,roundwhichtheCourtandthepeoplewereseatedinboxes,withbarsbeforethem,forfearofthegreat,fierce,red—maned,black—throated,long—tailed,roaring,bellowing,rushinglions。Andnowthegateswereopened,andwithawurrawarrurawarartwogreatlean,hungry,roaringlionsrushedoutoftheirden,wheretheyhadbeenkeptforthreeweeksonnothingbutalittletoast—and—water,anddashedstraightuptothestonewherepoorRosalbawaswaiting。
Commendhertoyourpatronsaints,allyoukindpeople,forsheisinadreadfulstate!
Therewasahumandabuzzallthroughthecircus,andthefierceKingPadellaevenfeltalittlecompassion。ButCountHogginarmo,seatedbyHisMajesty,roaredout’Hurray!Nowforit!Soo—soo—soo!’thatnoblemanbeinguncommonlyangrystillatRosalba’srefusalofhim。
ButOstrangeevent!Oremarkablecircumstance!O
extraordinarycoincidence,whichIamsurenoneofyoucouldBY
ANYPOSSIBILITYhavedivined!WhenthelionscametoRosalba,insteadofdevouringherwiththeirgreatteeth,itwaswithkissestheygobbledherup!Theylickedherprettyfeet,theynuzzledtheirnosesinherlap,theymoo’d,theyseemedtosay,’Dear,dearsisterdon’tyourecollectyourbrothersintheforest?’Andsheputherprettywhitearmsroundtheirtawnynecks,andkissedthem。
KingPadellawasimmenselyastonished。TheCountHogginarmowasextremelydisgusted。’Pooh!’theCountcried。’Gammon!’
exclaimedhisLordship。’TheselionsaretamebeastscomefromWombwell’sorAstley’s。Itisashametoputpeopleoffinthisway。Ibelievetheyarelittleboysdressedupindoor—mats。Theyarenolionsatall。’
’Ha!’saidtheKing,’youdaretosay"gammon"toyourSovereign,doyou?Theselionsarenolionsatall,aren’tthey?Ho!mybeef—eaters!Ho!mybodyguard!TakethisCountHogginarmoandflinghimintothecircus!Givehimaswordandbuckler,lethimkeephisarmouron,andhisweather—eyeout,andfighttheselions。’
ThehaughtyHogginarmolaiddownhisopera—glass,andlookedscowlingroundattheKingandhisattendants。’Touchmenot,dogs!’hesaid,’orbySt。NicholastheElder,Iwillgoreyou!
YourMajestythinksHogginarmoisafraid?No,notofahundredthousandlions!Followmedownintothecircus,KingPadella,andmatchthyselfagainstoneofyonbrutes。Thoudarestnot。
Letthembothcomeon,then!’Andopeningagratingofthebox,hejumpedlightlydownintothecircus。
WURRAWURRAWURRAWUR—AW—AW—AW!!!
InabouttwominutesTheCountHogginarmowasGOBBLEDUP
bythoselions,bones,boots,andall,andTherewasanEndofhim。
Atthis,theKingsaid,’Servehimright,therebelliousruffian!Andnow,asthoselionswon’teatthatyoungwoman——’
’Letheroff!——letheroff!’criedthecrowd。
’NO!’roaredtheKing。’Letthebeef—eatersgodownandchopherintosmallpieces。Ifthelionsdefendher,letthearchersshootthemtodeath。Thathussyshalldieintortures!’
’A—a—ah!’criedthecrowd。’Shame!shame!’
’Whodarescryoutshame?’criedthefuriouspotentate(solittlecantyrantscommandtheirpassions)。’Flinganyscoundrelwhosaysaworddownamongthelions!’
Iwarrantyoutherewasadeadsilencethen,whichwasbrokenbyaPangarangpangpangkarangpang,andaKnightandaHeraldrodeinatthefurtherendofthecircus:theKnight,infullarmour,withhisvizorup,andbearingaletteronthepointofhislance。
’Ha!’exclaimedtheKing,’bymyfey,’tisElephantandCastle,pursuivantofmybrotherofPaflagonia;andtheKnight,an’mymemoryservesme,isthegallantCaptainHedzoff!WhatnewsfromPaflagonia,gallantHedzoff?ElephantandCastle,beshrewme,thytrumpetingmusthavemadetheethirsty。Whatwillmytrustyheraldliketodrink?’
’BespeakingfirstsafeconductfromyourLordship,’saidCaptainHedzoff,’beforewetakeadrinkofanything,permitustodeliverourKing’smessage。’
’MyLordship,ha!’saidCrimTartary,frowningterrifically。
’ThattitlesoundethstrangeintheanointedearsofacrownedKing。Straightwayspeakoutyourmessage,KnightandHerald!’
ReininguphischargerinamostelegantmannercloseundertheKing’sbalcony,HedzoffturnedtotheHerald,andbadehimbegin。
ElephantandCastle,droppinghistrumpetoverhisshoulder,tookalargesheetofpaperoutofhishat,andbegantoread:——
’OYes!OYes!OYes!Knowallmenbythesepresents,thatwe,Giglio,KingofPaflagonia,GrandDukeofCappadocia,SovereignPrinceofTurkeyandtheSausageIslands,havingassumedourrightfulthroneandtitle,longtimefalselybornebyourusurpingUncle,stylinghimselfKingofPaflagonia——’
’Ha!’growledPadella。
’Herebysummonthefalsetraitor,Padella,callinghimselfKingofCrimTartary——’
TheKing’scursesweredreadful。’Goon,ElephantandCastle!’
saidtheintrepidHedzoff。
’——ToreleasefromcowardlyimprisonmenthisliegeladyandrightfulSovereign,ROSALBA,QueenofCrimTartary,andrestorehertoherroyalthrone:indefaultofwhich,I,Giglio,proclaimthesaidPadellasneak,traitor,humbug,usurper,andcoward。Ichallengehimtomeetme,withfistsorwithpistols,withbattle—axeorsword,withblunderbussorsinglestick,aloneorattheheadofhisarmy,onfootoronhorseback;andwillprovemywordsuponhiswickeduglybody!’
’GodsavetheKing!’saidCaptainHedzoff,executingademivolte,twosemilunes,andthreecaracols。
’Isthatall?’saidPadella,withtheterrificcalmofconcentratedfury。
’That,sir,isallmyroyalmaster’smessage。HereisHisMajesty’sletterinautograph,andhereishisglove,andifanygentlemanofCrimTartarychoosestofindfaultwithHisMajesty’sexpressions,I,TuffskinHedzoff,CaptainoftheGuard,amverymuchathisservice,’andhewavedhislance,andlookedattheassemblyallround。
’AndwhatsaysmygoodbrotherofPaflagonia,mydearson’sfather—in—law,tothisrubbish?’askedtheKing。
’TheKing’sunclehathbeendeprivedofthecrownheunjustlywore,’saidHedzoffgravely。’Heandhisaxminister,Glumboso,arenowinprisonwaitingthesentenceofmyroyalmaster。
AfterthebattleofBombardaro——’
’Ofwhat?’askedthesurprisedPadella。
’OfBombardaro,wheremyliege,hispresentMajesty,wouldhaveperformedprodigiesofvelour,butthatthewholeofhisuncle’sarmycameovertoourside,withtheexceptionofPrinceBulbo。’
’Ah!myboy,myboy,myBulbowasnotraitor!’criedPadella。
’PrinceBulbo,farfromcomingovertous,ranaway,sir;butI
caughthim。ThePrinceisaprisonerinourarmy,andthemostterrifictorturesawaithimifahairofthePrincessRosalba’sheadisinjured。’
’Dothey?’exclaimedthefuriousPadella,whowasnowperfectlyLIVIDwithrage。’Dotheyindeed?SomuchtheworseforBulbo。
I’vetwentysonsaslovelyeachasBulbo。NotonebutisasfittoreignasBulbo。Whip,whack,flog,starve,rack,punish,tortureBulbo——breakallhisbones——roasthimorflayhimalive——pullallhisprettyteethoutonebyone!ButjustlydearasBulboistome,——joyofmyeyes,fondtreasureofmysoul!——Ha,ha,ha,ha!revengeisdearerstill。Ho!
tortures,rack—men,executioners——lightupthefiresandmakethepincershot!getlotsofboilinglead!——BringoutROSALBA!’
XVI。HOWHEDZOFFRODEBACKAGAINTOKINGGIGLIO
CaptainHedzoffrodeawaywhenKingPadellautteredthiscruelcommand,havingdonehisdutyindeliveringthemessagewithwhichhisroyalmasterhadentrustedhim。OfcoursehewasverysorryforRosalba,butwhatcouldhedo?
SohereturnedtoKingGiglio’scamp,andfoundtheyoungmonarchinadisturbedstateofmind,smokingcigarsintheroyaltent。HisMajesty’sagitationwasnotappeasedbythenewsthatwasbroughtbyhisambassador。’Thebrutalruthlessruffianroyalwretch!’Giglioexclaimed。’AsEngland’spoesyhaswellremarked,"Themanthatlayshishanduponawoman,saveinthewayofkindness,isavillain。"Ha,Hedzoff!’
’Thatheis,yourMajesty,’saidtheattendant。
’Anddidstthouseeherflungintotheoil?anddidn’tthesoothingoil——theemollientoil,refusetoboil,goodHedzoff——andtospoilthefairestladyevereyesdidlookon?’
’Faith,goodmyliege,Ihadnohearttolookandseeabeauteousladyboilingdown;ItookyourroyalmessagetoPadella,andborehisbacktoyou。ItoldhimyouwouldholdPrinceBulboanswerable。HeonlysaidthathehadtwentysonsasgoodasBulbo,andforthwithhebadetheruthlessexecutionersproceed。’
’Ocruelfather——Ounhappyson!’criedtheKing。’Go,someofyou,andbringPrinceBulbohither。’
Bulbowasbroughtinchains,lookingveryuncomfortable。
Thoughaprisoner,hehadbeentolerablyhappy,perhapsbecausehismindwasatrest,andallthefightingwasover,andhewasplayingatmarbleswithhisguardswhentheKingsentforhim。
’Oh,mypoorBulbo,’saidHisMajesty,withlooksofinfinitecompassion,’hastthouheardthenews?’(foryouseeGigliowantedtobreakthethinggentlytothePrince),’thybrutalfatherhascondemnedRosalba——p—p—p—uthertodeath,P—p—p—princeBulbo!’
’What,killedBetsinda!Boo—hoo—hoo,’criedoutBulbo。
’Betsinda!prettyBetsinda!dearBetsinda!Shewasthedearestlittlegirlintheworld。IloveherbettertwentythousandtimeseventhanAngelica,’andhewentonexpressinghisgriefinsoheartyandunaffectedamannerthattheKingwasquitetouchedbyit,andsaid,shakingBulbo’shand,thathewishedhehadknownBulbosooner。
Bulbo,quiteunconsciously,andmeaningforthebest,offeredtocomeandsitwithHisMajesty,andsmokeacigarwithhim,andconsolehim。TheROYALKINDNESSsuppliedBulbowithacigar;hehadnothadone,hesaid,sincehewastakenprisoner。
AndnowthinkwhatmusthavebeenthefeelingsofthemostMERCIFULOFMONARCHS,whenheinformedhisprisonerthat,inconsequenceofKingPadella’scruelandDASTARDLYBEHAVIOURtoRosalba,PrinceBulbomustinstantlybeexecuted!ThenobleGigliocouldnotrestrainhistears,norcouldtheGrenadiers,northeofficers,norcouldBulbohimself,whenthematterwasexplainedtohim,andhewasbroughttounderstandthatHisMajesty’spromise,ofcourse,wasABOVEEVERYTHING,andBulbomustsubmit。SopoorBulbowasledout,Hedzofftryingtoconsolehim,bypointingoutthatifhehadwonthebattleofBombardaro,hemighthavehangedPrinceGiglio。’Yes!Butthatisnocomforttomenow!’saidpoorBulbo;norindeedwasit,poorfellow!
Hewastoldthebusinesswouldbedonethenextmorningateight,andwastakenbacktohisdungeon,whereeveryattentionwaspaidtohim。Thegaoler’swifesenthimtea,andtheturnkey’sdaughterbeggedhimtowritehisnameinheralbum,whereamanygentlemenhadwrittenitonlikeoccasions!
’Botheryouralbum!’saysBulbo。TheUndertakercameandmeasuredhimforthehandsomestcoffinwhichmoneycouldbuy——eventhisdidn’tconsoleBulbo。TheCookbroughthimdisheswhichheonceusedtolike;buthewouldn’ttouchthem:hesatdownandbeganwritinganadieutoAngelica,astheclockkeptalwaysticking,andthehandsdrawingnearertonextmorning。
TheBarbercameinatnight,andofferedtoshavehimforthenextday。PrinceBulbokickedhimaway,andwentonwritingafewwordstoPrincessAngelica,astheclockkeptalwaysticking,andthehandshoppingnearerandnearertonextmorning。Hegotuponthetopofahatbox,onthetopofachair,onthetopofhisbed,onthetopofhistable,andlookedouttoseewhetherhemightescapeastheclockkeptalwaystickingandthehandsdrawingnearer,andnearer,andnearer。
Butlookingoutofthewindowwasonething,andjumpinganother:andthetownclockstruckseven。Sohegotintobedforalittlesleep,butthegaolercameandwokehim,andsaid,’Gitup,yourRoyalIghness,ifyouplease,it’sTENMINUTESTO
EIGHT!’
SopoorBulbogotup:hehadgonetobedinhisclothes(thelazyboy),andheshookhimself,andsaidhedidn’tmindaboutdressing,orhavinganybreakfast,thankyou;andhesawthesoldierswhohadcomeforhim。’Leadon!’hesaid;andtheyledtheway,deeplyaffected;andtheycameintothecourtyard,andoutintothesquare,andtherewasKingGigliocometotakeleaveofhim,andHisMajestymostkindlyshookhandswithhim,andthe’Takeoffthatmarchedon:——whenhark!
Haw——wurraw——wurraw——aworr!
Aroarofwildbeastswasheard。Andwhoshouldcomeridingintothetown,frighteningawaytheboys,andeventhebeadleandpoliceman,butROSALBA!
Thefactis,thatwhenCaptainHedzoffenteredintothecourtofSnapdragonCastle,andwasdiscoursingwithKingPadella,thelionsmadeadashattheopengate,gobbledupthesixbeef—eatersinajiffy,andawaytheywentwithRosalbaonthebackofoneofthem,andtheycarriedher,turnandturnabout,tilltheycametothecitywherePrinceGiglio’sarmywasencamped。
WhentheKINGheardoftheQUEEN’Sarrival,youmaythinkhowherushedoutofhisbreakfast—roomtohandHerMajestyoffherlion!Thelionsweregrownasfataspigsnow,havinghadHogginarmoandallthosebeefeaters,andweresotame,anybodymightpatthem。
WhileGiglioknelt(mostgracefully)andhelpedthePrincess,Bulbo,forhispart,rushedupandkissedthelion。Heflunghisarmsroundtheforestmonarch;hehuggedhim,andlaughedandcriedforjoy。’Oh,youdarlingoldbeast,oh,howgladI
amtoseeyou,andthedear,dearBets——thatis,Rosalba。’
’What,isityou?poorBulbo!’saidtheQueen。’Oh,howgladI
amtoseeyou,’andshegavehimherhandtokiss。KingGiglioslappedhimmostkindlyontheback,andsaid,’Bulbo,myboy,Iamdelighted,foryoursake,thatHerMajestyhasarrived。’
’SoamI,’saidBulbo;’andYOUKNOWWHY。’CaptainHedzoffherecameup。’Sire,itishalf—pasteight:shallweproceedwiththeexecution?’
’Execution!whatfor?’askedBulbo。
’Anofficeronlyknowshisorders,’repliedCaptainHedzoff,showinghiswarrant,onwhichHisMajestyKingGigliosmilinglysaid,’PrinceBulbowasreprievedthistime,’andmostgraciouslyinvitedhimtobreakfast。
XVII。HOWATREMENDOUSBATTLETOOKPLACE,ANDWHOWONIT
AssoonasKingPadellaheard,whatweknowalready,thathisvictim,thelovelyRosalba,hadescapedhim,HisMajesty’sfuryknewnobounds,andhepitchedtheLordChancellor,LordChamberlain,andeveryofficeroftheCrownwhomhecouldseteyeson,intothecauldronofboilingoilpreparedforthePrincess。Thenheorderedouthiswholearmy,horse,foot,andartillery;andsetforthattheheadofaninnumerablehost,andIshouldthinktwentythousanddrummers,trumpeters,andfifers。
KingGiglio’sadvanceguard,youmaybesure,keptthatmonarchacquaintedwiththeenemy’sdealings,andhewasinnowisedisconcerted。HewasmuchtoopolitetoalarmthePrincess,hislovelyguest,withanyunnecessaryrumoursofbattlesimpending;onthecontrary,hedideverythingtoamuseanddiverther;gaveheramostelegantbreakfast,dinner,lunch,andgotupaballforherthatevening,whenhedancedwithhereverysingledance。
PoorBulbowastakenintofavouragain,andallowedtogoquitefreenow。Hehadnewclothesgivenhim,wascalled’Mygoodcousin’byHisMajesty,andwastreatedwiththegreatestdistinctionbyeverybody。Butitwaseasytoseehewasverymelancholy。Thefactis,thesightofBetsinda,wholookedperfectlylovelyinanelegantnewdress,setpoorBulbofranticinlovewithheragain。AndheneverthoughtaboutAngelica,nowPrincessBulbo,whomhehadleftathome,andwho,asweknow,didnotcaremuchabouthim。
TheKing,dancingthetwenty—fifthpolkawithRosalba,remarkedwithwondertheringshewore;andthenRosalbatoldhimhowshehadgotitfromGruffanuff,whonodoubthadpickeditupwhenAngelicaflungitaway。
’Yes,’saystheFairyBlackstick,whohadcometoseetheyoungpeople,andwhohadverylikelycertainplansregardingthem。
’ThatringIgavetheQueen,Giglio’smother,whowasnot,savingyourpresence,averywisewoman;itisenchanted,andwhoeverwearsitlooksbeautifulintheeyesoftheworld,I
madepoorPrinceBulbo,whenhewaschristened,thepresentofarosewhichmadehimlookhandsomewhilehehadit;buthegaveittoAngelica,whoinstantlylookedbeautifulagain,whilstBulborelapsedintohisnaturalplainness。’
’Rosalbaneedsnoring,Iamsure,’saysGiglio,withalowbow。’Sheisbeautifulenough,inmyeyes,withoutanyenchantedaid。’
’Oh,sir!’saidRosalba。
’Takeofftheringandtry,’saidtheKing,andresolutelydrewtheringoffherfinger。InHISeyesshelookedjustashandsomeasbefore!
TheKingwasthinkingofthrowingtheringaway,asitwassodangerousandmadeallthepeoplesomadaboutRosalba;butbeingaPrinceofgreathumour,andgoodhumourtoo,hecasteyesuponapooryouthwhohappenedtobelookingonverydisconsolately,andsaid——
’Bulbo,mypoorlad!comeandtryonthisring。ThePrincessRosalbamakesitapresenttoyou。’
Themagicpropertiesofthisringwereuncommonlystrong,fornosoonerhadBulboputiton,butloandbehold,heappearedapersonable,agreeableyoungPrinceenough——withafinecomplexion,fairhair,ratherstout,andwithbandylegs;butthesewereencasedinsuchabeautifulpairofyellowmoroccobootsthatnobodyremarkedthem。AndBulbo’sspiritsroseupalmostimmediatelyafterhehadlookedintheglass,andhetalkedtotheirMajestiesinthemostlively,agreeablemanner,anddancedoppositetheQueenwithoneoftheprettiestmaidsofhonour,andafterlookingatHerMajesty,couldnothelpsaying——
’Howveryodd!sheisverypretty,butnotsoEXTRAORDINARILY
handsome。’
’Ohno,bynomeans!’saystheMaidofHonour。
’ButwhatcareI,dearsir,’saystheQueen,whooverheardthem,’ifYOUthinkIamgood—lookingenough?’
HisMajesty’sglanceinreplytothisaffectionatespeechwassuchthatnopaintercoulddrawit。AndtheFairyBlacksticksaid,’Blessyou,mydarlingchildren!Nowyouareunitedandhappy;andnowyouseewhatIsaidfromthefirst,thatalittlemisfortunehasdoneyoubothgood。YOU,Giglio,hadyoubeenbredinprosperity,wouldscarcelyhavelearnedtoreadorwrite——youwouldhavebeenidleandextravagant,andcouldnothavebeenagoodKingasnowyouwillbe。You,Rosalba,wouldhavebeensoflattered,thatyourlittleheadmighthavebeenturnedlikeAngelica’s,whothoughtherselftoogoodforGiglio。’
’AsifanybodycouldbegoodenoughforHIM,’criedRosalba。
’Oh,you,youdarling!’saysGiglio。Andsoshewas;andhewasjustholdingouthisarmsinordertogiveherahugbeforethewholecompany,whenamessengercamerushingin,andsaid,’MyLord,theenemy!’
’Toarms!’criesGiglio。
’Oh,mercy!’saysRosalba,andfaintedofcourse。
Hesnatchedonekissfromherlips,andrushedFORTHTOTHE
FIELDofbattle!
TheFairyhadprovidedKingGigliowithasuitofarmour,whichwasnotonlyembroideredalloverwithjewels,andblindingtoyoureyestolookat,butwaswater—proof,gun—proof,andsword—proof;sothatinthemidstoftheveryhottestbattlesHisMajestyrodeaboutascalmlyasifhehadbeenaBritishGrenadieratAlma。WereIengagedinfightingformycountry,_I_shouldlikesuchasuitofarmourasPrinceGigliowore;
but,youknow,hewasaPrinceofafairytale,andtheyalwayshavethesewonderfulthings。
Besidesthefairyarmour,thePrincehadafairyhorse,whichwouldgallopatanypaceyoupleased;andafairysword,whichwouldlengthenandrunthroughawholeregimentofenemiesatonce。Withsuchaweaponatcommand,Iwonder,formypart,hethoughtoforderinghisarmyout;butforththeyallcame,inmagnificentnewuniforms,HedzoffandthePrince’stwocollegefriendseachcommandingadivision,andHisMajestyprancinginpersonattheheadofthemall。
Ah!ifIhadthepenofaSirArchibaldAlison,mydearfriends,wouldInotnowentertainyouwiththeaccountofamosttremendousshindy?Shouldnotfineblowsbestruck?
dreadfulwoundsbedelivered?arrowsdarkentheair?cannonballscrashthroughthebattalions?cavalrychargeinfantry?
infantrypitchintocavalry?buglesblow;drumsbeat;horsesneigh;fifessing;soldiersroar,swear,hurray;officersshoutout’Forward,mymen!’’Thisway,lads!’’Giveit’em,boys!’
’FightforKingGiglio,andthecauseofright!’’KingPadellaforever!’WouldInotdescribeallthis,Isay,andintheveryfinestlanguagetoo?Butthishumblependoesnotpossesstheskillnecessaryforthedescriptionofcombats。Inaword,theoverthrowofKingPadella’sarmywassocomplete,thatiftheyhadbeenRussiansyoucouldnothavewishedthemtobemoreutterlysmashedandconfounded。
Asforthatusurpingmonarch,havingperformedactsofvelourmuchmoreconsiderablethancouldbeexpectedofaroyalruffianandusurper,whohadsuchabadcause,andwhowassocrueltowomen,——asforKingPadella,Isay,whenhisarmyranaway,theKingranawaytoo,kickinghisfirstgeneral,PrincePunchikoff,fromhissaddle,andgallopingawayonthePrince’shorse,having,indeed,hadtwenty—fiveortwenty—sixofhisownshotunderhim。Hedzoffcomingup,andfindingPunchikoffdown,asyoumayimagine,veryspeedilydisposedofHIM。
MeanwhileKingPadellawasscamperingoffashardashishorsecouldlaylegstoground。Fastashescampered,Ipromiseyousomebodyelsegallopedfaster;andthatindividual,asnodoubtyouareaware,wastheRoyalGiglio,whokeptbawlingout,’Stay,traitor!Turn,miscreant,anddefendthyself!Stand,tyrant,coward,ruffian,royalwretch,tillIcutthyuglyheadfromthyusurpingshoulders!’And,withhisfairysword,whichelongateditselfatwill,HisMajestykeptpokingandproddingPadellaintheback,untilthatwickedmonarchroaredwithanguish。
Whenhewasfairlybroughttobay,PadellaturnedanddealtPrinceGiglioaprodigiouscrackoverthesconcewithhisbattle—axe,amostenormousweapon,whichhadcutdownIdon’tknowhowmanyregimentsinthecourseoftheafternoon。But,Lawblessyou!thoughtheblowfellrightdownonHisMajesty’shelmet,itmadenomoreimpressionthanifPadellahadstruckhimwithapatofbutter:hisbattle—axecrumpledupinPadella’shand,andtheRoyalGigliolaughedforveryscornattheimpotenteffortsofthatatrocioususurper。
AttheillsuccessofhisblowtheCrimTartarmonarchwasjustlyirritated。’If,’sayshetoGiglio,’yourideafairyhorse,andwearfairyarmour,whatonearthistheuseofmyhittingyou?Imayaswellgivemyselfupaprisoneratonce。
YourMajestywon’t,Isuppose,besomeanastostrikeapoorfellowwhocan’tstrikeagain?’
ThejusticeofPadella’sremarkstruckthemagnanimousGiglio。
’Doyouyieldyourselfaprisoner,Padella?’sayshe。
’OfcourseIdo,’saysPadella。
’DoyouacknowledgeRosalbaasyourrightfulQueen,andgiveupthecrownandallyourtreasurestoyourrightfulmistress?’
’IfImust,Imust,’saysPadella,whowasnaturallyverysulky。
BythistimeKingGiglio’saides—de—camphadcomeup,whomHisMajestyorderedtobindtheprisoner。Andtheytiedhishandsbehindhim,andboundhislegstightunderhishorse,havingsethimwithhisfacetothetail;andinthisfashionhewasledbacktoKingGiglio’squarters,andthrustintotheverydungeonwhereyoungBulbohadbeenconfined。
Padella(whowasaverydifferentpersoninthedepthofhisdistress,toPadella,theproudweareroftheCrimTartarcrown),nowmostaffectionatelyandearnestlyaskedtoseehisson——hisdeareldestboy——hisdarlingBulbo;andthatgood—naturedyoungmanneveroncereproachedhishaughtyparentforhisunkindconductthedaybefore,whenhewouldhaveleftBulbotobeshotwithoutanypity,butcametoseehisfather,andspoketohimthroughthegratingofthedoor,beyondwhichhewasnotallowedtogo;andbroughthimsomesandwichesfromthegrandsupperwhichHisMajestywasgivingabovestairs,inhonourofthebrilliantvictorywhichhadjustbeenachieved。
’Icannotstaywithyoulong,sir,’saysBulbo,whowasinhisbestballdress,ashehandedhisfatherintheprog,’IamengagedtodancethenextquadrillewithHerMajestyQueenRosalba,andIhearthefiddlesplayingatthisverymoment。’
SoBulbowentbacktotheball—roomandthewretchedPadellaatehissolitarysupperinsilenceandtears。
AllwasnowjoyinKingGiglio’scircle。Dancing,feasting,fun,illuminations,andjollificationsofallsortsensued。
Thepeoplethroughwhosevillagestheypassedwereorderedtoilluminatetheircottagesatnight,andscatterflowersontheroadsduringtheday。Theywererequested,andIpromiseyoutheydidnotliketorefuse,toservethetroopsliberallywitheatablesandwine;besides,thearmywasenrichedbytheimmensequantityofplunderwhichwasfoundinKingPadella’scamp,andtakenfromhissoldiers;who(aftertheyhadgivenupeverything)wereallowedtofraternisewiththeconquerors;andtheunitedforcesmarchedbackbyeasystagestowardsKingGiglio’scapital,hisroyalbannerandthatofQueenRosalbabeingcarriedinfrontofthetroops。HedzoffwasmadeaDukeandaFieldMarshal。SmithandJoneswerepromotedtobeEarls;
theCrimTartarOrderofthePumpkinandthePaflagoniandecorationoftheCucumberwerefreelydistributedbytheirMajestiestothearmy。QueenRosalbaworethePaflagonianRibbonoftheCucumberacrossherriding—habit,whilstKingGiglioneverappearedwithoutthegrandCordonofthePumpkin。
Howthepeoplecheeredthemastheyrodealongsidebyside!
Theywerepronouncedtobethehandsomestcoupleeverseen:
thatwasamatterofcourse;buttheyreallyWEREveryhandsome,and,hadtheybeenotherwise,wouldhavelookedso,theyweresohappy!TheirMajestieswereneverseparatedduringthewholeday,butbreakfasted,dined,andsuppedtogetheralways,androdesidebyside,interchangingelegantcompliments,andindulginginthemostdelightfulconversation。
Atnight,HerMajesty’sladiesofhonour(whohadallralliedroundherthedayafterKingPadella’sdefeat)cameandconductedhertotheapartmentspreparedforher;whilstKingGiglio,surroundedbyhisgentlemen,withdrewtohisownRoyalquarters。Itwasagreedtheyshouldbemarriedassoonastheyreachedthecapital,andordersweredispatchedtotheArchbishopofBlombodinga,toholdhimselfinreadinesstoperformtheinterestingceremony。DukeHedzoffcarriedthemessage,andgaveinstructionstohavetheRoyalCastlesplendidlyrefurnishedandpaintedafresh。TheDukeseizedGlumboso,theEx—PrimeMinister,andmadehimrefundthatconsiderablesumofmoneywhichtheoldscoundrelhadsecretedoutofthelateKing’streasure。HealsoclappedValorosointoprison(who,bytheway,hadbeendethronedforsomeconsiderableperiodpast),andwhentheEx—Monarchweaklyremonstrated,Hedzoffsaid,’Asoldier,sir,knowsbuthisduty;myordersaretolockyouupalongwiththeEx—KingPadella,whomIhavebroughthitheraprisonerunderguard。’
SothesetwoEx—RoyalpersonagesweresentforayeartotheHouseofCorrection,andthereafterwereobligedtobecomemonksoftheseverestOrderofFlagellants,inwhichstate,byfasting,byvigils,byflogging(whichtheyadministeredtooneanother,humblybutresolutely),nodoubttheyexhibitedarepentancefortheirpastmisdeeds,usurpations,andprivateandpubliccrimes。
AsforGlumboso,thatroguewassenttothegalleys,andneverhadanopportunitytostealanymore。
XVIII。HOWTHEYALLJOURNEYEDBACKTOTHECAPITAL
TheFairyBlackstick,bywhosemeansthisyoungKingandQueenhadcertainlywontheirrespectivecrownsback,wouldcomenotunfrequently,topaythemalittlevisit——astheywereridingintheirtriumphalprogresstowardsGiglio’scapital——changeherwandintoapony,andtravelbytheirMajesties’side,givingthemtheverybestadvice。IamnotsurethatKingGigliodidnotthinktheFairyandheradviceratherabore,fancyingitwashisownvelourandmeritswhichhadputhimonhisthrone,andconqueredPadella:and,infine,Ifearherathergavehimselfairstowardshisbestfriendandpatroness。
Sheexhortedhimtodealjustlybyhissubjects,todrawmildlyonthetaxes,nevertobreakhispromisewhenhehadoncegivenit——andinallrespectstobeagoodKing。
’AgoodKing,mydearFairy!’criesRosalba。’Ofcoursehewill。Breakhispromise!canyoufancymyGigliowouldeverdoanythingsoimproper,sounlikehim?No!never!’AndshelookedfondlytowardsGiglio,whomshethoughtapatternofperfection。
’WhyisFairyBlackstickalwaysadvisingme,andtellingmehowtomanagemygovernment,andwarningmetokeepmyword?DoesshesupposethatIamnotamanofsense,andamanofhonour?’
asksGigliotestily。’Methinkssheratherpresumesuponherposition。’
’Hush!dearGiglio,’saysRosalba。’YouknowBlackstickhasbeenverykindtous,andwemustnotoffendher。’ButtheFairywasnotlisteningtoGiglio’stestyobservations,shehadfallenback,andwastrottingonherponynow,byMasterBulbo’sside,whorodeadonkey,andmadehimselfgenerallybelovedinthearmybyhischeerfulness,kindness,andgood—humourtoeverybody。HewaseagertoseehisdarlingAngelica。Hethoughtthereneverwassuchacharmingbeing。
BlackstickdidnottellhimitwasthepossessionofthemagicrosethatmadeAngelicasolovelyinhiseyes。Shebroughthimtheverybestaccountsofhislittlewife,whosemisfortunesandhumiliationshadindeedverygreatlyimprovedher;and,yousee,shecouldwhiskoffonherwandahundredmilesinaminute,andbebackinnotime,andsocarrypolitemessagesfromBulbotoAngelica,andfromAngelicatoBulbo,andcomfortthatyoungmanuponhisjourney。
WhentheRoyalpartyarrivedatthelaststagebeforeyoureachBlombodinga,whoshouldbeinwaiting,inhercarriagetherewithherladyofhonourbyherside,butthePrincessAngelica!
Sherushedintoherhusband’sarms,scarcelystoppingtomakeapassingcurtseytotheKingandQueen。ShehadnoeyesbutforBulbo,whoappearedperfectlylovelytoheronaccountofthefairyringwhichhewore;whilstsheherself,wearingthemagicroseinherbonnet,seemedentirelybeautifultotheenrapturedBulbo。
AsplendidluncheonwasservedtotheRoyalparty,ofwhichtheArchbishop,theChancellor,DukeHedzoff,CountessGruffanuff,andallourfriendspartook,theFairyBlackstickbeingseatedontheleftofKingGiglio,withBulboandAngelicabesideher。
Youcouldhearthejoy—bellsringinginthecapital,andthegunswhichthecitizenswerefiringoffinhonouroftheirMajesties。
’WhatcanhaveinducedthathideousoldGruffanufftodressherselfupinsuchanabsurdway?Didyouaskhertobeyourbridesmaid,mydear?’saysGigliotoRosalba。’WhatafigureoffunGruffyis!’
GruffywasseatedoppositetheirMajesties,betweentheArchbishopandtheLordChancellor,andafigureoffunshecertainlywas,forshewasdressedinalowwhitesilkdress,withlaceover,awreathofwhiterosesonherwig,asplendidlaceveil,andheryellowoldneckwascoveredwithdiamonds。
SheogledtheKinginsuchamannerthatHisMajestyburstoutlaughing。
’Eleveno’clock!’criesGiglio,asthegreatCathedralbellofBlombodingatolledthathour。’Gentlemenandladies,wemustbestarting。Archbishop,youmustbeatchurch,Ithink,beforetwelve?’
’Wemustbeatchurchbeforetwelve,’sighsoutGruffanuffinalanguishingvoice,hidingheroldfacebehindherfan。
’AndthenIshallbethehappiestmaninmydominions,’criesGiglio,withanelegantbowtotheblushingRosalba。
’Oh,myGiglio!Oh,mydearMajesty!’exclaimsGruffanuff;’andcanitbethatthishappymomentatlengthhasarrived——’
’Ofcourseithasarrived,’saystheKing。
’——andthatIamabouttobecometheenrapturedbrideofmyadoredGiglio!’continuesGruffanuff。’Lendmeasmelling—bottle,somebody。Icertainlyshallfaintwithjoy。’
’YOUmybride?’roarsoutGiglio。
’YOUmarrymyPrince?’criedpoorlittleRosalba。
’Pooh!Nonsense!Thewoman’smad!’exclaimstheKing。Andallthecourtiersexhibitedbytheircountenancesandexpressions,marksofsurprise,orridicule,orincredulity,orwonder。
’Ishouldliketoknowwhoelseisgoingtobemarried,ifIamnot?’shrieksoutGruffanuff。’IshouldliketoknowifKingGiglioisagentleman,andifthereissuchathingasjusticeinPaflagonia?LordChancellor!myLordArchbishop!willyourLordshipssitbyandseeapoor,fond,confiding,tendercreatureputupon?HasnotPrinceGigliopromisedtomarryhisBarbara?IsnotthisGiglio’ssignature?Doesnotthispaperdeclarethatheismine,andonlymine?’AndshehandedtohisGracetheArchbishopthedocumentwhichthePrincesignedthateveningwhensheworethemagicring,andGigliodranksomuchchampagne。AndtheoldArchbishop,takingouthiseyeglasses,read——"’Thisistogivenotice,thatI,Giglio,onlysonofSavio,KingofPaflagonia,herebypromisetomarrythecharmingBarbaraGriselda,CountessGruffanuff,andwidowofthelateJenkinsGruffanuff,Esq。"
’H’m,’saystheArchbishop,’thedocumentiscertainlya——adocument。’
’Phoo!’saystheLordChancellor,’thesignatureisnotinHisMajesty’shandwriting。’Indeed,sincehisstudiesatBosforo,Gigliohadmadeanimmenseimprovementincaligraphy。
’Isityourhandwriting,Giglio?’criestheFairyBlackstick,withanawfulseverityofcountenance。
’Y——y——y——es,’poorGigliogaspsout,’Ihadquiteforgottentheconfoundedpaper:shecan’tmeantoholdmebyit。Youoldwretch,whatwillyoutaketoletmeoff?HelptheQueen,someone——HerMajestyhasfainted。’
’Chopherheadoff!’}exclaimtheimpetuous’Smothertheoldwitch!’}Hedzoff,theardentSmith,and’Pitchherintotheriver!’}thefaithfulJones。
ButGruffanuffflungherarmsroundtheArchbishop’sneck,andbellowedout,’Justice,justice,myLordChancellor!’soloudly,thatherpiercingshriekscausedeverybodytopause。
AsforRosalba,shewasborneawaylifelessbyherladies;andyoumayimaginethelookofagonywhichGigliocasttowardsthatlovelybeing,ashishope,hisjoy,hisdarling,hisallinall,wasthusremoved,andinherplacethehorridoldGruffanuffrusheduptohisside,andoncemoreshriekedout,’Justice,justice!’
’Won’tyoutakethatsumofmoneywhichGlumbosohid?’saysGiglio;’twohundredandeighteenthousandmillions,orthereabouts。It’sahandsomesum。’
’Iwillhavethatandyoutoo!’saysGruffanuff。
’Letusthrowthecrownjewelsintothebargain,’gaspsoutGiglio。
’IwillwearthembymyGiglio’sside!’saysGruffanuff。
’Willhalf,three—quarters,five—sixths,nineteen—twentieths,ofmykingdomdo,Countess?’asksthetremblingmonarch。
’WhatwereallEuropetomewithoutYOU,myGiglio?’criesGruff,kissinghishand。
’Iwon’t,Ican’t,Ishan’t,——I’llresignthecrownfirst,’
shoutsGiglio,tearingawayhishand;butGruffclungtoit。
’Ihaveacompetency,mylove,’shesays,’andwiththeeandacottagethyBarbarawillbehappy。’
Gigliowashalfmadwithragebythistime。’Iwillnotmarryher,’sayshe。’Oh,Fairy,Fairy,givemecounsel?’AndashespokehelookedwildlyroundattheseverefaceoftheFairyBlackstick。
"’WhyisFairyBlackstickalwaysadvisingme,andwarningmetokeepmyword?DoesshesupposethatIamnotamanofhonour?"’saidtheFairy,quotingGiglio’sownhaughtywords。
Hequailedunderthebrightnessofhereyes;hefeltthattherewasnoescapeforhimfromthatawfulinquisition。
’Well,Archbishop,’saidheinadreadfulvoice,thatmadehisGracestart,’sincethisFairyhasledmetotheheightofhappinessbuttodashmedownintothedepthsofdespair,sinceIamtoloseRosalba,letmeatleastkeepmyhonour。Getup,Countess,andletusbemarried;Icankeepmyword,butIcandieafterwards。’
’Oh,dearGiglio,’criesGruffanuff,skippingup,’Iknew,I
knewIcouldtrustthee——IknewthatmyPrincewasthesoulofhonour。Jumpintoyourcarriages,ladiesandgentlemen,andletusgotochurchatonce;andasfordying,dearGiglio,no,no:——thouwiltforgetthatinsignificantlittlechambermaidofaQueen——thouwiltlivetobeconsoledbythyBarbara!ShewishestobeaQueen,andnotaQueenDowager,mygraciousLord!’AndhanginguponpoorGiglio’sarm,andleeringandgrinninginhisfaceinthemostdisgustingmanner,thisoldwretchtrippedoffinherwhitesatinshoes,andjumpedintotheverycarriagewhichhadbeengotreadytoconveyGiglioandRosalbatochurch。Thecannonsroaredagain,thebellspealedtriple—bobmajors,thepeoplecameoutflingingflowersuponthepathoftheroyalbrideandbridegroom,andGrufflookedoutofthegiltcoachwindowandbowedandgrinnedtothem。Phoo!thehorridoldwretch!
XIX。ANDNOWWECOMETOTHELASTSCENEINTHEPANTOMIME
ThemanyupsanddownsofherlifehadgiventhePrincessRosalbaprodigiousstrengthofmind,andthathighlyprincipledyoungwomanpresentlyrecoveredfromherfainting—fit,outofwhichFairyBlackstick,byapreciousessencewhichtheFairyalwayscarriedinherpocket,awakenedher。Insteadoftearingherhair,crying,andbemoaningherself,andfaintingagain,asmanyyoungwomenwouldhavedone,Rosalbarememberedthatsheowedanexampleoffirmnesstohersubjects;andthoughshelovedGigliomorethanherlife,wasdetermined,asshetoldtheFairy,nottointerferebetweenhimandjustice,ortocausehimtobreakhisroyalword。
’Icannotmarryhim,butIshalllovehimalways,’saysshetoBlackstick;’IwillgoandbepresentathismarriagewiththeCountess,andsignthebook,andwishthemhappywithallmyheart。Iwillsee,whenIgethome,whetherIcannotmakethenewQueensomehandsomepresents。TheCrimTartarycrowndiamondsareuncommonlyfine,andIshallneverhaveanyuseforthem。IwillliveanddieunmarriedlikeQueenElizabeth,and,ofcourse,IshallleavemycrowntoGigliowhenIquitthisworld。Letusgoandseethemmarried,mydearFairy,letmesayonelastfarewelltohim;andthen,ifyouplease,I
willreturntomyowndominions。’
SotheFairykissedRosalbawithpeculiartenderness,andatoncechangedherwandintoaverycomfortablecoach—and—four,withasteadycoachman,andtworespectablefootmenbehind,andtheFairyandRosalbagotintothecoach,whichAngelicaandBulboenteredafterthem。AsforhonestBulbo,hewasblubberinginthemostpatheticmanner,quiteovercomebyRosalba’smisfortune。Shewastouchedbythehonestfellow’ssympathy,promisedtorestoretohimtheconfiscatedestatesofDukePadellahisfather,andcreatedhim,ashesatthereinthecoach,Prince,Highness,andFirstGrandeeoftheCrimTartarEmpire。Thecoachmovedon,and,beingafairycoach,sooncameupwiththebridalprocession。
BeforetheceremonyatchurchitwasthecustominPaflagonia,asitisinothercountries,forthebrideandbridegroomtosigntheContractofMarriage,whichwastobewitnessedbytheChancellor,Minister,LordMayor,andprincipalofficersofstate。Now,astheroyalpalacewasbeingpaintedandfurnishedanew,itwasnotreadyforthereceptionoftheKingandhisbride,whoproposedatfirsttotakeuptheirresidenceatthePrince’spalace,thatonewhichValorosooccupiedwhenAngelicawasborn,andbeforeheusurpedthethrone。
Sothemarriagepartydroveuptothepalace:thedignitariesgotoutoftheircarriagesandstoodaside:poorRosalbasteppedoutofhercoach,supportedbyBulbo,andstoodalmostfaintingupagainsttherailingssoastohavealastlookofherdearGiglio。AsforBlackstick,she,accordingtohercustom,hadflownoutofthecoachwindowinsomeinscrutablemanner,andwasnowstandingatthepalacedoor。
Gigliocameupthestepswithhishorriblebrideonhisarm,lookingaspaleasifhewasgoingtoexecution。HeonlyfrownedattheFairyBlackstick——hewasangrywithher,andthoughtshecametoinsulthismisery。
’Getoutoftheway,pray,’saysGruffanuffhaughtily。’I
wonderwhyyouarealwayspokingyournoseintootherpeople’saffairs?’
’Areyoudeterminedtomakethispooryoungmanunhappy?’saysBlackstick。
’Tomarryhim,yes!Whatbusinessisitofyours?Pray,madam,don’tsay"you"toaQueen,’criesGruffanuff。
’Youwon’ttakethemoneyheofferedyou?’
’No。’
’Youwon’tlethimoffhisbargain,thoughyouknowyoucheatedhimwhenyoumadehimsignthepaper?’
’Impudence!Policemen,removethiswoman!’criesGruffanuff。
Andthepolicemenwererushingforward,butwithawaveofherwandtheFairystruckthemalllikesomanystatuesintheirplaces。
’Youwon’ttakeanythinginexchangeforyourbond,Mrs。
Gruffanuff,’criestheFairy,withawfulseverity。’Ispeakforthelasttime。’
’No!’shrieksGruffanuff,stampingwithherfoot。’I’llhavemyhusband,myhusband,myhusband!’
’YOUSHALLHAVEYOURHUSBAND!’theFairyBlackstickcried;andadvancingastep,laidherhanduponthenoseoftheKNOCKER。
Asshetouchedit,thebrassnoseseemedtoelongate,theopenmouthopenedstillwider,andutteredaroarwhichmadeeverybodystart。Theeyesrolledwildly;thearmsandlegsuncurledthemselves,writhedabout,andseemedtolengthenwitheachtwist;theknockerexpandedintoafigureinyellowlivery,sixfeethigh;thescrewsbywhichitwasfixedtothedoorunloosedthemselves,andJENKINSGRUFFANUFFoncemoretrodthethresholdoffwhichhehadbeenliftedmorethantwentyyearsago!
’Master’snotathome,’saysJenkins,justinhisoldvoice;
andMrs。Jenkins,givingadreadfulYOUP,felldowninafit,inwhichnobodymindedher。
Foreverybodywasshouting,’Huzzay!huzzay!’’Hip,hip,hurray!’’LonglivetheKingandQueen!’’Weresuchthingseverseen?’’No,never,never,never!’’TheFairyBlackstickforever!’
Thebellswereringingdoublepeals,thegunsroaringandbangingmostprodigiously。Bulbowasembracingeverybody;theLordChancellorwasflinginguphiswigandshoutinglikeamadman;HedzoffhadgottheArchbishoproundthewaist,andtheyweredancingajigforjoy;andasforGiglio,IleaveyoutoimaginewhatHEwasdoing,andifhekissedRosalbaonce,twice——twentythousandtimes,I’msureIdon’tthinkhewaswrong。
SoGruffanuffopenedthehalldoorwithalowbow,justashehadbeenaccustomedtodo,andtheyallwentinandsignedthebook,andthentheywenttochurchandweremarried,andtheFairyBlacksticksailedawayonhercane,andwasnevermoreheardofinPaflagonia。
andhereendstheFiresidePantomime。