CHAPTERI
THEstoryofmyheartcommencesseventeenyearsago。IntheglowofyouththereweretimeseverynowandthenwhenIfeltthenecessityofastronginspirationofsoulthought。Myheartwasdusty，parchedforwantoftherainofdeepfeeling；mymindaridanddry，forthereisadustwhichsettlesontheheartaswellasthatwhichfallsonaledge。Itisinjurioustothemindaswellastothebodytobealwaysinoneplaceandalwayssurroundedbythesamecircumstances。Aspeciesofthickclothingslowlygrowsaboutthemind，theporesarechoked，littlehabitsbecomeapartofexistence，andbydegreesthemindisinclosedinahusk。
WhenthisbegantoformIfelteagertoescapefromit，tothrowofftheheavyclothing，todrinkdeeplyoncemoreatthefreshfountationsoflife。
Aninspiration——alongdeepbreathofthepureairofthought——couldalonegivehealthtotheheart。
ThereisahilltowhichIusedtoresortatsuchperiods。Thelabourofwalkingthreemilestoit，allthewhilegraduallyascending，seemedtoclearmybloodoftheheavinessaccumulatedathome。Onawarmsummerdaytheslowcontinuedriserequiredcontinualeffort，whichcariedawaythesenseofoppression。Thefamiliareverydayscenewassoonoutofsight；I
cametoothertrees，meadows，andfields；Ibegantobreatheanewairandtohaveafresheraspirationn。Irestrainedmysoultillreachedtheswardofthehill；psyche，thesoulthatlongedtobeloose。Iwouldwritepsychealwaysinsteadofsoultoavoidmeaningswhichhavebecomeattachedtothewordsoul，butitisawkwardtodoso。
Clumsyinddeedareallwordsthemomentthewoodenstageofcommonplacelifeisleft。Irestrainedpsyche，mysoul，tillIreachedandputmyfootonthegrassatthebeginningofthegreenhillitself。Movingupthesweetshortturf，ateverystepmyheartseemedtoobtainawiderhorizonoffeeling；witheveryinhalationofrichpureair，adeeperdesire。Theverylightofthesunwaswhiterandmorebrillianthere。BythetimeIhadreachedthesummitIhadentirelyforgottenthepettycircumstancesandtheannoyancesofexistence。Ifeltmyself，myself。Therewasanintrenchmentonthesummit，andgoingdownintothefosseIwalkedrounditslowlytorecoverbreath。Onthesouth—westernsidetherewasaspotwheretheouterbankhadpartiallyslipped，leavingagap。Theretheviewwasoverabroadplain，beautifulwithwheat，andinclosedbyaperfectamphitheatreofgreenhills。
Throughthesehillstherewasonenarrowgroove，orpass，southwards，wherethewhitecloudsseemedtocloseinthehorizon。Woodshidthescatteredhamletsandfarmhouses，sothatIwasquitealone。Iwasutterlyalonewiththesunandtheearth。
Lyingdownonthegrass，Ispokeinmysoultotheearth，thesun，theair，andthedistantseafarbeyondsight。Ithoughtoftheearth’sfirmness——I
feltitbearmeup：throughthegrassycouchtherecameaninfluenceasifI
couldfeelthegreatearthspeakingtome。Ithoughtofthewanderingair——itspureness，whichisitsbeauty；theairtouchedmeandgavemesomethingofitself。Ispoketothesea：thoughsofar，inmymindIsawit，greenattherimoftheearthandblueindeeperocean；Idesiredtohaveitsstrength，itsmysteryandglory。ThenIaddressedthesun，desiringthesoulequivalentofhislightandbrilliance，hisenduranceandunweariedrace。Iturnedtotheblueheavenover，gazingintoitsdepth，inhalingitsexquisitecolourandsweetness。Therichblueoftheunattainablefloweroftheskydrewmysoultowardsit，andthereitrested，Iforpurecolourisrestofheart。ByalltheseIprayed；Ifeltanemotionofthesoulbeyondalldefinition；prayerisapunythingtoit，andthewordisarudesigntothefeeling，butI
knownoother。Bytheblueheaven，bytherollingsunburstingthroughuntroddenspace，anewoceanofethereverydayunveiled。Bythefreshandwanderingairencompassingtheworld；bytheseasoundingontheshore——thegreenseawhite—fleckedatthemarginandthedeepocean；bythestrongearthunderme。Then，returning，Iprayedbythesweetthyme，whoselittleflowersItouchedwithmyhand；bytheslendergrass；bythecrumbleofdrychalkyearthItookupandletfallthroughmyfingers。Touchingthecrumbleofearth，thebladeofgrass，thethymeflower，breathingtheearth—encirclingair，thinkingoftheseaandthesky，holdingoutmyhandforthesunbeamstotouchit，proneontheswardintokenofdeepreverence，thusIprayedthatImighttouchtotheunutterableexistenceinfinitelyhigherthandeity。
Withalltheintensityoffeelingwhichexaltedme，alltheintensecommunionIheldwiththeearth，thesunandsky，thestarshiddenbythelight，withtheocean——innomannercanthethrillingdepthofthesefeelingsbewritten——withtheseIprayed，asiftheywerethekeysofaninstrument，ofanorgan，withwhichIswelledforththenoteofmysoul，redoublingmyownvoicebytheirpower。Thegreatsunburningwithlight；
thestrongearth，dearearth；thewarmsky；thepureair；thethoughtofocean；theinexpressiblebeautyofallfilledmewitharapture，anecstasy，andinflatus。Withthisinflatus，too，I
prayed。NexttomyselfIcameandrecalledmyself，mybodilyexistence。I
heldoutmyhand，thesunlightgleamedontheskinandtheiridescentnails；Irecalledthemysteryandbeautyoftheflesh。IthoughtofthemindwithwhichIcouldseetheoceansixtymilesdistant，andgathertomyselfitsglory。Ithoughtofmyinnerexistence，thatconsciousnesswhichiscalledthesoul。These，thatis，myself——Ithrewintothebalancetoweighttheprayertheheavier。Mystrengthofbody，mindandsoul，Iflungintoit；Ibutforthmystrength；I
wrestledandlaboured，andtoiledinmightofprayer。Theprayer，thissoul—emotionwasinitself—notforanobject—itwasapassion。Ihidmyfaceinthegrass，Iwaswhollyprostrated，Ilostmyselfinthewrestle，I
wasraptandcarriedaway。
Becomingcalmer，Ireturnedtomyselfandthought，reclininginraptthought，fullofaspiration，steepedtothelipsofmysoulindesire。I
didnotthendefine，oranalyses，orunderstandthis。IseenowthatwhatI
labouredforwassoul—life，moresoul—nature，tobeexalted，tobefullofsoul—learning。FinallyIrose，walkedhalfamileorsoalongthesummitofthehilleastwards，tosoothemyselfandcometothecommonwaysoflifeagain。Hadanyshepherdaccidentallyseenmelyingontheturf，hewouldonlyhavethoughtthatIwasrestingafewminutes；Imadenooutwardshow。
WhocouldhaveimaginedthewhirlwindofpassionthatwasgoingonwithinmeasIreclinedthere!IwasgreatlyexhaustedwhenIreachedhome。
OccasionallyIwentuponthehilldeliberately，deemingitgoodtodoso；
then，again，thiscravingcarriedmeawayupthereofitself。Thoughtheprincipalfeelingwasthesame，therewerevariationsinthemodeinwhichitaffectedme。
SometimesonlyingdownontheswardIfirstlookedupatthesky，gazingforalongtimetillIcouldseedeepintotheazureandmyeyeswerefullofthecolour；thenIturnedmyfacetothegrassandthyme，placingmyhandsateachsideofmyfacesoastoshutouteverythingandhidemyself。Havingdrunkdeeplyoftheheavenaboveandfeltthemostgloriousbeautyoftheday，andrememberingtheold，old，sea，which（asitseemedtome）wasbutjustyonderattheedge，Inowbecamelost，andabsorbedintothebeingorexistenceoftheuniverse。Ifeltdowndeepintotheearthunder，andhighaboveintothesky，andfartherstilltothesunandstars。Stillfartherbeyondthestarsintothehollowofspace，andlosingthusmyseparatenessofbeingcametoseemlikeapartofthewhole。ThenIwhisper—edtotheearthbeneath，throughthegrassandthyme，downintothedepthofitsear，andagainuptothestarryspacehidbehindtheblueofday。Travellinginaninstantacrossthedistantsea，Isawasifwithactualvisionthepalmsandcocoanuttrees，thebamboosofIndia，andthecedarsoftheextremesouth。
Likealakewithislandstheoceanlaybeforeme，asclearandvividastheplainbeneathinthemidstoftheamphitheatreofhills。
Withthegloryofthegreatsea，Isaid，withthefirm，solid，andsustainingearth；thedepth，distance，andexpanseofether；
theage，tamelessness，andceaselessmotionoftheocean；thestars，andtheunknowninspace；byallthosethingswhicharemostpowerfulknowntome，andbythosewhichexist，butofwhichIhavenoideawhatever，Ipray。Further，bymyownsoul，thatsecretexistencewhichaboveallotherthingsbearsthenearestresemblancetotheidealofspirit，infinitelynearerthanearth，sun，orstar。Speakingbyaninclinationtowards，notinwords，mysoulpraysthatImayhavesomethingfromeachofthese，thatImaygatheraflowerfromthem，thatImayhaveinmyselfthesecretandmeaningoftheearth，thegoldensun，thelight，thefoam—fleckedsea。Letmysoulbecomeenlarged；Iamnotenough；Iamlittleandcontemptible。Idesireagreat—nessofsoul，anirradianceofmind，adeeperinsight，abroaderhope。Givemepowerofsoul，sothatImayactuallyeffectbyitswillthatwhichIstrivefor。
Inwinter，thoughIcouldnotthenrestonthegrass，orstaylongenoughtoformanydefiniteexpression，Istillwentuptothehilloncenowandthen，foritseemedthattomerelyvisitthespotrepeatedallthatIhadpreviouslysaid。Butitwasnotonlythen。
InsummerIwentoutintothefields，andletmysoulinspirethesethoughtsunderthetrees，standingagainstthetrunk，orlookingupthroughthebranchesatthesky。Iftreescouldspeak，hundredsofthemwouldsaythatIhadhadthesesoul—emotionsunderthem。Leaningagainsttheoak’smassivetrunk，andfeelingtheroughbarkandthelichenatmyback，lookingsouthwardsoverthegrassyfields，cowslip—yellow，atthewoodsontheslope，Ithoughtmydesireofdeepersoul—life。Orunderthegreenfirs，lookingupwards，theskywasmoredeeplyblueattheirtops；thenthebrakefernwasunroll—
ing，thedovescooing，thethicketsastir，thelateash—leavescomingforth。Undertheshapelyroundedelms，bythehawthornbushesandhazel，everywherethesamedeepdesireforthesoul—nature；tohavefromallgreenthingsandfromthesunlighttheinnermeaningwhichwasnotknowntothem，thatImightbefulloflightasthewoodsofthesun’srays。Justtotouchthelichenedbarkofatree，ortheendofasprayprojectingoverthepathasIwalked，seemedtorepeatthesameprayerinme。
Thelong—livedsummerdaysdriedandwarmedtheturfinthemeadows。Iusedtoliedowninsolitarycornersatfulllengthonmyback，soastofeeltheembraceoftheearth。Thegrassstoodhighaboveme，andtheshadowsofthetree—branchesdancedonmyface。Ilookedupatthesky，withhalfclosedeyestobearthedazzlinglight。Beesbuzzedoverme，sometimesabutterflypassed，therewasahumintheair，greenfinchessanginthehedge。Graduallyenteringintotheintenselifeofthesummerdays——alifewhichburnedaroundasifeverygrassbladeandleafwereatorch——Icametofeelthelongdrawnlifeoftheearthbackintothedimmestpast，whilethesunofthemomentwaswarmonme。Sesostrisonthemostancientsandsofthesouth，inancient，ancientdays，wasconsciousofhimselfandofthesun。Thissunlightlinkedmethroughtheagestothatpastconsciousness。Fromalltheagesmysouldesiredtotakethatsoul—lifewhichhadflowedthroughthemasthesunbeamshadcontinuallypouredonearth。Asthehotsandstakeuptheheat，sowouldItakeupthatsoul—energy。Dreamyinappearance，I
wasbreathingfullofexistence；Iwasawareofthegrassblades，theflowers，theleavesonhawthornandtree。Iseemedtolivemorelargelythroughthem，asifeachwereaporethroughwhichIdrank。
Thegrasshopperscalledandleaped，thegreenfinchessang，theblackbirdshappilyfluted，alltheairhummedwithlife。Iwasplungeddeepinexistence，andwithallthatexistenceIprayed。
Througheverygrassbladeinthethousand，thousandgrasses；
throughthemillionleaves，veinedandedge—cut，onbushandtree；throughthesong—notesandthemarkedfeathersofthebirds；throughtheinsects’humandthecolourofthebutterflies；throughthesoftwarmair，theflecksofcloudsdissolving——Iusedthemallforprayer。WithalltheenergythesunbeamshadpouredunweariedontheearthsinceSesostriswasconsciousofthemontheancientsands；withallthelifethathadbeenlivedbyvigorousmanandbeauteouswomansincefirstindearestGreecethedreamofthegodswaswoven；withallthesoul—lifethathadflowedalongstreamdowntome，IprayedthatImighthaveasoulmorethanequalto，farbeyondmyconceptionof，thesethingsofthepast，thepresent，andthefulnessofalllife。Notonlyequaltothese，butbeyond，higher，andmorepowerfulthanIcouldimagine。ThatImighttakefromalltheirenergy，grandeur，andbeauty，andgatheritintome。Thatmysoulmightbemorethanthecosmosoflife。
Iprayedwiththeglowingcloudsofsun—setandthesoftlightofthefirststarcomingthroughthevioletsky。Atnightwiththestars，accordingtotheseason：nowwiththePleiades，nowwiththeSwanorburningSirius，andbroadOrion’swholeconstellation，redAldebaran，Arcturus，andtheNorthernCrown；
withthemorningstar，thelightbringer，oncenowandthenwhenIsawit，awhite—goldballintheviolet—purplesky，orframedaboutwithpalesummervapourfloatingawayasredstreaksshothorizontallyintheeast。Adiffusedsaffronascendedintotheluminousupperazure。Thediskofthesunroseoverthehill，fluctuatingwiththrobsoflight；hischestheavedinfervourofbrilliance。Allthegloryofthesunrisefilledmewithbroaderandfurnace—likevehemenceofprayer。ThatImighthavethedeepestofsoul—life，thedeepestofall，deeperfarthanallthisgreatnessofthevisibleuniverseandevenoftheinvisible；thatImighthaveafulnessofsoultillnowunknown，andutterlybeyondmyownconception。
Inthedeepestdarknessofthenightthesamethoughtroseinmymindasinthebrightlightofnoontide。WhatistherewhichI
havenotusedtostrengthenthesameemotion？
CHAPTERII
SOMETIMESIwenttoadeep，narrowvalleyinthehills，silentandsolitary。
Theskycrossedfromsidetoside，likearoofsupportedontwowallsofgreen。Sparrowschirpedinthewheatatthevergeabove，theircallsfallinglikethetwitteringofswallowsfromtheair。Therewasnoothersound。Theshortgrasswasdriedgreyasitgrewbytheheat；thesunhungoverthenarrowvaleasifithadbeenputtherebyhand。Burning，burning，thesunglowedontheswardatthefootoftheslopewherethesethoughtsburnedintome。Howmany，manyyears，howmanycyclesofyears，howmanybundlesofcyclesofyears，hadthesungloweddownthusonthathollow？
Sinceitwasformedhowlong？Sinceitwaswornandshaped，groove—like，intheflanksofthehillsbymightyforceswhichhadebbed。Alonewiththesunwhichglowedontheworkwhenitwasdone，Isawbackthroughspacetotheoldtimeoftree—ferns，ofthelizardflyingthroughtheair，thelizard—dragonwallowinginseafoam，themountainouscreatures，twice—elephantine，feedingonland；allthecrookedsequenceoflife。Thedragon—flywhichpassedmetracedacontinuousdescentfromtheflymarkedonstoneinthosedays。Theimmensetimeliftedmelikeawaverollingunderaboat；mymindseemedtoraiseitselfastheswellofthecyclescame；itfeltstrongwiththepoweroftheages。WithallthattimeandpowerIprayed：thatImighthaveinmysoultheintellectualpartofit；theidea，thethought。Likeashuttlethemindshottoandfrothepastandthepresent，inaninstant。
Fulltothebrimofthewondrouspast，Ifeltthewondrouspresent。Fortheday——theverymomentIbreathed，thatsecondoftimetheninthevalley，wasasmarvellous，asgrand，asallthathadgonebefore。Now，thismomentwasthewonderandtheglory。Now，thismomentwasexceedinglywonder—
ful。Now，thismomentgivemeallthethought，alltheidea，alithesoulexpressedinthecosmosaroundme。Givemestillmore，fortheinterminableuniverse，pastandpresent，isbutearth；givemetheunknownsoul，whollyapartfromit，thesoulofwhichIknowonlythatwhenItouchtheground，whenthesunlighttouchesmyhand，itisnotthere。Thereforetheheartlooksintospacetobeawayfromearth。Withallthecycles，andthesunlightstreamingthroughthem，withallthatismeantbythepresent，Ithoughtinthedeepvaleandprayed。
TherewasasecludedspringtowhichIsometimeswenttodrinkthepurewater，liftingitinthehollowofmyhand。Drinkingthelucidwater，clearaslightitselfinsolution，Iabsorbedthebeautyandpurityofit。Idrankthethoughtoftheelement；Idesiredsoul—naturepureandlimpid。WhenIsawthesparklingdewonthegrass——arainbowbrokenintodrops——itcalledupthesamethought—prayer。Thestormywindwhosesuddentwistslaidthetreesonthegroundwokethesamefeeling；myheartshoutedwithit。ThesoftsummerairwhichenteredwhenI
openedmywindowinthemorningbreathedthesamesweetdesire。
Atnight，beforesleeping，Ialwayslookedoutattheshadowytrees，thehillsloomingindistinctlyinthedark，astarseenbetweenthedriftingclouds；prayerofsoul—lifealways。Ichosethehighestroom，bareandgaunt，becauseasIsatatworkIcouldlookoutandseemoreofthewideearth，moreofthedomeofthesky，andcouldthinkmydesirethroughthese。
Whenthecrescentofthenewmoonshone，alltheoldthoughtswererenewed。
AllthesucceedingincidentsoftheyearrepeatedmyprayerasInotedthem。Thefirstgreenleafonthehawthorn，thefirstspikeofmeadowgrass，thefirstsongofthenightingale，thegreenearofwheat。Ispokeitwiththeearofwheatasthesuntinteditgolden；withthewhiteningbarley；againwiththeredgoldspotsofautumnonthebeech，thebuffoakleaves，andthegossamerdew—weighted。
Allthelarksoverthegreencornsangitforme，allthedearswallows；thegreenleavesrustledit；thegreenbrookflagswavedit；theswallowstookitwiththemtorepeatitformeindistantlands。BytherunningbrookI
meditatedit；aflashofsunlighthereinthecurve，aflickeryonderontheripples，thebirdsbathinginthesandyshallow，therushoffallingwater。
Asthebrookranwindingthroughthemeadow，soonethoughtranwindingthroughmydays。
ThesciencesIstudiednevercheckeditforamoment；nordidthebooksofoldphilosophy。Thesunwasstrongerthanscience；
thehillsmorethanphilosophy。Twicecircumstancesgavemeabriefviewoftheseathenthepassionrosetumultuousasthewaves。Itwasverybittertometoleavethesea。
SometimesIspentthewholedaywalkingoverthehillssearchingforit；asifthelabourofwalkingwouldforceitfromtheground。Iremainedinthewoodsforhours，amongtheashspraysandtheflutteringofthering—dovesattheirn...剩余内容请长按扫描二维码或下载丁香书院APP继续免费看：
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