InthisironicalestimateoftheirrelationGlennardfoundhimselfstrangelyrelievedofallconcernastohiswife’sfeelingsforFlamel。FromanOlympianpinnacleofindifferencehecalmlysurveyedtheirinoffensiveantics。Itwassurprisinghowhischeapeningofhiswifeputhimateasewithhimself。Farasheandshewerefromeachothertheyyethad,inasense,thetacitnearnessofcomplicity。Yes,theywereaccomplices;hecouldnomorebejealousofherthanshecoulddespisehim。Thejealousythatwouldoncehaveseemedabluronherwhitenessnowappearedlikeatributetoidealsinwhichhenolongerbelieved……
Glennardwaslittlegiventoexploringtheoutskirtsofliterature。Healwaysskippedthe"literarynotices"inthepapersandhehadsmallleisurefortheintermittentpleasuresoftheperiodical。Hehadthereforenonotionoftheprolongedreverberationswhichthe"AubynLetters"hadawakenedintheprecinctsofcriticism。Whenthebookceasedtobetalkedabouthesupposedithadceasedtoberead;andthisapparentsubsidenceoftheagitationaboutitbroughtthereassuringsensethathehadexaggerateditsvitality。Theconviction,ifitdidnoteasehisconscience,atleastofferedhimtherelativereliefofobscurity:
hefeltlikeanoffendertakendownfromthepilloryandthrustintothesoothingdarknessofacell。
Butoneevening,whenAlexahadlefthimtogotoadance,hechancedtoturnoverthemagazinesonhertable,andthecopyoftheHoroscope,towhichhesettleddownwithhiscigar,confrontedhim,onitsfirstpage,withaportraitofMargaretAubyn。Itwasareproductionofthephotographthathadstoodsolongonhisdesk。Thedesiccatingairofmemoryhadturnedherintothemereabstractionofawoman,andthisunexpectedevocationseemedtobringhernearerthanshehadeverbeeninlife。Wasitbecauseheunderstoodherbetter?Helookedlongintohereyes;littlepersonaltraitsreachedouttohimlikecaresses——thetireddroopofherlids,herquickwayofleaningforwardasshespoke,themovementsofherlongexpressivehands。Allthatwasfeminineinher,thequalityhehadalwaysmissed,stoletowardhimfromherunreproachfulgaze;andnowthatitwastoolatelifehaddevelopedinhimthesubtlerperceptionswhichcoulddetectitineventhispoorsemblanceofherself。Foramomenthefoundconsolationinthethoughtthat,atanycost,theyhadthusbeenbroughttogether;thenafloodofshamerushedoverhim。Facetofacewithher,hefelthimselflaidbaretotheinmostfoldofconsciousness。Theshamewasdeep,butitwasarenovatinganguish;hewaslikeamanwhomintolerablepainhasrousedfromthecreepinglethargyofdeath……
HerosenextmorningtoasfreshasenseoflifeasthoughhishourofmutecommunionwithMargaretAubynhadbeenamoreexquisiterenewaloftheirearliermeetings。Hiswakingthoughtwasthathemustseeheragain;andasconsciousnessaffirmeditselfhefeltanintensefearoflosingthesenseofhernearness。Butshewasstillclosetohim;herpresenceremainedthesolerealityinaworldofshadows。Allthroughhisworkinghourshewasre—livingwithincredibleminutenesseveryincidentoftheirobliteratedpast;asamanwhohasmasteredthespiritofaforeigntongueturnswithrenewedwondertothepageshisyouthhasploddedover。Inthislucidityofretrospectionthemosttrivialdetailhaditssignificance,andtheraptureofrecoverywasembitteredtoGlennardbytheperceptionofallthathehadmissed。Hehadbeenpitiably,grotesquelystupid;andtherewasironyinthethoughtthat,butforthecrisisthroughwhichhewaspassing,hemighthavelivedonincomplacentignoranceofhisloss。Itwasasthoughshehadboughthimwithherblood……
ThateveningheandAlexadinedalone。Afterdinnerhefollowedhertothedrawing—room。Henolongerfelttheneedofavoidingher;hewashardlyconsciousofherpresence。Afterafewwordstheylapsedintosilenceandhesatsmokingwithhiseyesonthefire。Itwasnotthathewasunwillingtotalktoher;hefeltacuriousdesiretobeaskindaspossible;buthewasalwaysforgettingthatshewasthere。Herfullbrightpresence,throughwhichthecurrentsoflifeflowedsowarmly,hadgrownastenuousasashadow,andhesawsofarbeyondher——
Presentlysheroseandbegantomoveabouttheroom。Sheseemedtobelookingforsomethingandherousedhimselftoaskwhatshewanted。
"OnlythelastnumberoftheHoroscope。IthoughtI’dleftitonthistable。"Hesaidnothing,andshewenton:"Youhaven’tseenit?"
"No,"hereturnedcoldly。Themagazinewaslockedinhisdesk。
Hiswifehadmovedtothemantel—piece。Shestoodfacinghimandashelookeduphemethertentativegaze。"Iwasreadinganarticleinit——areviewofMrs。Aubyn’sletters,"sheadded,slowly,withherdeep,deliberateblush。
Glennardstoopedtotosshiscigarintothefire。Hefeltasavagewishthatshewouldnotspeaktheotherwoman’sname;
nothingelseseemedtomatter。"Youseemtodoalotofreading,"
hesaid。
Shestillearnestlyconfrontedhim。"Iwaskeepingthisforyou——
Ithoughtitmightinterestyou,"shesaid,withanairofgentleinsistence。
Hestoodupandturnedaway。Hewassuresheknewthathehadtakenthereviewandhefeltthathewasbeginningtohateheragain。
"Ihaven’ttimeforsuchthings,"hesaid,indifferently。Ashemovedtothedoorheheardhertakeaprecipitatestepforward;
thenshepausedandsankwithoutspeakingintothechairfromwhichhehadrisen。
XI
AsGlennard,intherawFebruarysunlight,mountedtheroadtothecemetery,hefeltthebeatitudethatcomeswithanabruptcessationofphysicalpain。Hehadreachedthepointwhereself—
analysisceases;theimpulsethatmovedhimwaspurelyintuitive。
Hedidnotevenseekareasonforit,beyondtheobviousonethathisdesiretostandbyMargaretAubyn’sgravewaspromptedbynoattemptatasentimentalreparation,butratherbythevagueneedtoaffirminsomewaytherealityofthetiebetweenthem。
TheironicalpromiscuityofdeathhadbroughtMrs。Aubynbacktosharethenarrowhospitalityofherhusband’slastlodging;butthoughGlennardknewshehadbeenburiednearNewYorkhehadnevervisitedhergrave。Hewasoppressed,ashenowthreadedthelongavenues,byachillingvisionofherreturn。Therewasnofamilytofollowherhearse;shehaddiedalone,asshehadlived;
andthe"distinguishedmourners"whohadformedtheescortofthefamouswriterknewnothingofthewomantheywerecommittingtothegrave。Glennardcouldnotevenrememberatwhatseasonshehadbeenburied;buthismoodindulgedthefancythatitmusthavebeenonsomesuchdayofharshsunlight,theincisiveFebruarybrightnessthatgivesperspicuitywithoutwarmth。Thewhiteavenuesstretchedbeforehiminterminably,linedwithstereotypedemblemsofaffliction,asthoughalltheplatitudeseverutteredhadbeenturnedtomarbleandsetupovertheunresistingdead。
Hereandthere,nodoubt,afrigidurnoraninsipidangelimprisonedsomefine—fibredgrief,asthemosthackneyedwordsmaybecomethevehicleofraremeanings;butforthemostparttheendlessalignmentofmonumentsseemedtoembodythoseeasygeneralizationsaboutdeaththatdonotdisturbthereposeoftheliving。Glennard’seye,ashefollowedthewayindicatedtohim,hadinstinctivelysoughtsomelowmoundwithaquietheadstone。
Hehadforgottenthatthedeadseldomplantheirownhouses,andwithapanghediscoveredthenamehesoughtonthecyclopeanbaseofagraniteshaftrearingitsaggressiveheightattheangleoftwoavenues。
"Howshewouldhavehatedit!"hemurmured。
Abenchstoodnearandheseatedhimself。Themonumentrosebeforehimlikesomepretentiousuninhabiteddwelling;hecouldnotbelievethatMargaretAubynlaythere。ItwasaSundaymorningandblackfiguresmovedamongthepaths,placingflowersonthefrost—boundhillocks。Glennardnoticedthattheneighboringgraveshadbeenthusnewlydressed;andhefanciedablindstirofexpectancythroughthesod,asthoughthebaremoundsspreadaparchedsurfacetothatcommemorativerain。Herosepresentlyandwalkedbacktotheentranceofthecemetery。
Severalgreenhousesstoodnearthegates,andturninginatthefirstheaskedforsomeflowers。
"Anythingintheemblematicline?"askedtheanaemicmanbehindthedrippingcounter。
Glennardshookhishead。
"Justcutflowers?Thisway,then。"Thefloristunlockedaglassdoorandledhimdownamoistgreenaisle。Thehotairwaschokedwiththescentofwhiteazaleas,whitelilies,whitelilacs;alltheflowerswerewhite;theywerelikeaprolongation,amysticalefflorescence,ofthelongrowsofmarbletombstones,andtheirperfumeseemedtocoveranodorofdecay。TherichatmospheremadeGlennarddizzy。Asheleanedinthedoorpost,waitingfortheflowers,hehadapenetratingsenseofMargaretAubyn’snearness——nottheimponderablepresenceofhisinnervision,butalifethatbeatwarminhisarms……
Thesharpaircaughthimashesteppedoutintoitagain。Hewalkedbackandscatteredtheflowersoverthegrave。Theedgesofthewhitepetalsshrivelledlikeburntpaperinthecold;andashewatchedthemtheillusionofhernearnessfaded,shrankbackfrozen。
XII
Themotiveofhisvisittothecemeteryremainedundefinedsaveasafinaleffortofescapefromhiswife’sinexpressiveacceptanceofhisshame。Itseemedtohimthataslongashecouldkeephimselfalivetothatshamehewouldnotwhollyhavesuccumbedtoitsconsequences。Hischieffearwasthatheshouldbecomethecreatureofhisact。Hiswife’sindifferencedegradedhim;itseemedtoputhimonalevelwithhisdishonor。MargaretAubynwouldhaveabhorredthedeedinproportiontoherpityfortheman。Thesenseofherpotentialpitydrewhimbacktoher。Theonewomanknewbutdidnotunderstand;theother,itsometimesseemed,understoodwithoutknowing。
Initslastdisguiseofretrospectiveremorse,hisself—pityaffectedadesireforsolitudeandmeditation。Helosthimselfinmorbidmusings,infutilevisionsofwhatlifewithMargaretAubynmighthavebeen。Thereweremomentswhen,inthestrangedislocationofhisview,thewronghehaddoneherseemedatiebetweenthem。
Toindulgetheseemotionshefellintothehabit,onSundayafternoons,ofsolitarywalksprolongedtillafterdusk。Thedayswerelengthening,therewasatouchofspringintheair,andhiswanderingsnowusuallyledhimtotheParkanditsoutlyingregions。
OneSunday,tiredofaimlesslocomotion,hetookacabattheParkgatesandletitcarryhimouttotheRiversideDrive。Itwasagrayafternoonstreakedwitheastwind。Glennard’scabadvancedslowly,andasheleanedback,gazingwithabsentintentnessatthedesertedpathsthatwoundunderbareboughsbetweengrassbanksofprematurevividness,hisattentionwasarrestedbytwofigureswalkingaheadofhim。Thiscouple,whohadthepathtothemselves,movedatanunevenpace,asthoughadaptingtheirgaittoaconversationmarkedbymeditativeintervals。Nowandthentheypaused,andinoneofthesepausesthelady,turningtowardhercompanion,showedGlennardtheoutlineofhiswife’sprofile。
ThemanwasFlamel。
ThebloodrushedtoGlennard’sforehead。Hesatupwithajerkandpushedbackthelidintheroofofthehansom;butwhenthecabmanbentdownhedroppedintohisseatwithoutspeaking。Then,becomingconsciousoftheprolongedinterrogationoftheliftedlid,hecalledout——"Turn——driveback——anywhere——I’minahurry——"
Asthecabswungroundhecaughtalastglimpseofthetwofigures。Theyhadnotmoved;Alexa,withbenthead,stoodlistening。
"MyGod,myGod——"hegroaned。
Itwashideous——itwasabominable——hecouldnotunderstandit。
Thewomanwasnothingtohim——lessthannothing——yetthebloodhummedinhisearsandhungacloudbeforehim。Heknewitwasonlythestirringoftheprimalinstinct,thatithadnomoretodowithhisreasoningselfthananyrefleximpulseofthebody;
butthatmerelyloweredanguishtodisgust。Yes,itwasdisgusthefelt——almostaphysicalnausea。Thepoisonousfumesoflifewereinhislungs。Hewassick,unutterablysick……
Hedrovehomeandwenttohisroom。Theyweregivingalittledinnerthatnight,andwhenhecamedowntheguestswerearriving。
Helookedathiswife:herbeautywasextraordinary,butitseemedtohimthebeautyofasmoothseaalonganunlitcoast。Shefrightenedhim。
Hesatlatethatnightinhisstudy。Heheardtheparlor—maidlockthefrontdoor;thenhiswifewentupstairsandthelightswereputout。Hisbrainwaslikesomegreatemptyhallwithanechoinit;onethoughtreverberatedendlessly……Atlengthhedrewhischairtothetableandbegantowrite。Headdressedanenvelopeandthenslowlyre—readwhathehadwritten。
"MYDEARFLAMEL"
"Manyapologiesfornotsendingyousoonertheenclosedcheck,whichrepresentsthecustomarypercentageonthesaleoftheLetters。"
"Trustingyouwillexcusetheoversight,"Yourstruly,"STEPHENGLENNARD。"
Helethimselfoutofthedarkenedhouseanddroppedtheletterinthepost—boxatthecorner。
Thenextafternoonhewasdetainedlateathisoffice,andashewaspreparingtoleaveheheardsomeoneaskingforhimintheouterroom。HeseatedhimselfagainandFlamelwasshownin。
Thetwomen,asGlennardpushedasideanobstructivechair,hadamomenttomeasureeachother;thenFlameladvanced,anddrawingouthisnote—case,laidaslipofpaperonthedesk。
"Mydearfellow,whatonearthdoesthismean?"Glennardrecognizedhischeck。
"ThatIwasremiss,simply。Itoughttohavegonetoyoubefore。"
Flamel’stonehadbeenthatofunaffectedsurprise,butatthishisaccentchangedandheasked,quickly:"Onwhatground?"
Glennardhadmovedawayfromthedeskandstoodleaningagainstthecalf—backedvolumesofthebookcase。"OnthegroundthatyousoldMrs。Aubyn’slettersforme,andthatIfindtheintermediaryinsuchcasesisentitledtoapercentageonthesale。"
Flamelpausedbeforeanswering。"Youfind,yousay。It’sarecentdiscovery?"
"Obviously,frommynotsendingthechecksooner。YouseeI’mnewtothebusiness。"
"Andsincewhenhaveyoudiscoveredthattherewasanyquestionofbusiness,asfarasIwasconcerned?"
Glennardflushedandhisvoiceroseslightly。"Areyoureproachingmefornothavingremembereditsooner?"
Flamel,whohadspokenintherapidrepressedtoneofamanonthevergeofanger,staredamomentatthisandthen,inhisnaturalvoice,rejoined,good—humoredly,"Uponmysoul,Idon’tunderstandyou!"
ThechangeofkeyseemedtodisconcertGlennard。"It’ssimpleenough——"hemuttered。
"Simpleenough——yourofferingmemoneyinreturnforafriendlyservice?Idon’tknowwhatyourotherfriendsexpect!"
"Someofmyfriendswouldn’thaveundertakenthejob。Thosewhowouldhavedonesowouldprobablyhaveexpectedtobepaid。"
HeliftedhiseyestoFlamelandthetwomenlookedateachother。
Flamelhadturnedwhiteandhislipsstirred,butheheldhistemperatenote。"Ifyoumeantoimplythatthejobwasnotaniceone,youlayyourselfopentotheretortthatyouproposedit。
ButformypartI’veneverseen,Inevershallsee,anyreasonfornotpublishingtheletters。"
"That’sjustit!"
"What——?"
"Thecertaintyofyournotseeingwaswhatmademegotoyou。
Whenaman’sgotstolengoodstopawnhedoesn’ttakethemtothepolice—station。"
"Stolen?"Flamelechoed。"Theletterswerestolen?"
Glennardburstintoacoarselaugh。"Howmuchlongertoyouexpectmetokeepupthatpretenceabouttheletters?Youknewwellenoughtheywerewrittentome。"
Flamellookedathiminsilence。"Werethey?"hesaidatlength。
"Ididn’tknowit。"
"Anddidn’tsuspectit,Isuppose,"Glennardsneered。
Theotherwasagainsilent;thenhesaid,"Imayremindyouthat,supposingIhadfeltanycuriosityaboutthematter,Ihadnowayoffindingoutthattheletterswerewrittentoyou。Younevershowedmetheoriginals。"
"Whatdoesthatprove?Therewerefiftywaysoffindingout。
It’sthekindofthingonecaneasilydo。"
Flamelglancedathimwithcontempt。"Ourideasprobablydifferastowhatamancaneasilydo。Itwouldnothavebeeneasyforme。"
Glennard’sangerventeditselfinthewordsuppermostinhisthought。"Itmay,then,interestyoutohearthatmywifeDOES
knowabouttheletters——hasknownforsomemonths……"
"Ah,"saidtheother,slowly。Glennardsawthat,inhisblindclutchataweapon,hehadseizedtheonemostapttowound。
Flamel’smuscleswereundercontrol,buthisfaceshowedtheundefinablechangeproducedbytheslowinfiltrationofpoison。
Everyimplicationthatthewordscontainedhadreacheditsmark;
butGlennardfeltthattheirobviousintentionwaslostintheanguishofwhattheysuggested。HewassurenowthatFlamelwouldneverhavebetrayedhim;buttheinferenceonlymadeawideroutletforhisanger。HepausedbreathlesslyforFlameltospeak。
"Ifsheknows,it’snotthroughme。"ItwaswhatGlennardhadwaitedfor。
"Throughyou,byGod?Whosaiditwasthroughyou?DoyousupposeIleaveittoyou,ortoanybodyelse,forthatmatter,tokeepmywifeinformedofmyactions?Ididn’tsupposeevensuchegregiousconceitasyourscoulddeludeamantothatdegree!"
Strugglingforafootholdinthesmalllandslideofhisdignity,headded,inasteadiertone,"Mywifelearnedthefactsfromme。"
Flamelreceivedthisinsilence。Theother’soutbreakseemedtohavereinforcedhisself—control,andwhenhespokeitwaswithadeliberationimplyingthathiscoursewaschosen。"InthatcaseI
understandstillless——"
"Stillless——?"
"Themeaningofthis。"Hepointedtothecheck。"WhenyoubegantospeakIsupposedyouhadmeantitasabribe;nowIcanonlyinferitwasintendedasarandominsult。Ineithercase,here’smyanswer。"
HetoretheslipofpaperintwoandtossedthefragmentsacrossthedesktoGlennard。Thenheturnedandwalkedoutoftheoffice。
Glennarddroppedhisheadonhishands。Ifhehadhopedtorestorehisself—respectbythesimpleexpedientofassailingFlamel’s,theresulthadnotjustifiedhisexpectation。Theblowhehadstruckhadbluntedtheedgeofhisanger,andtheunforeseenextentofthehurtinflicteddidnotalterthefactthathisweaponhadbrokeninhishands。HesawnowthathisrageagainstFlamelwasonlythelastprojectionofapassionateself—
disgust。Thisconsciousnessdidnotdullhisdislikeoftheman;
itsimplymadereprisalsineffectual。Flamel’sunwillingnesstoquarrelwithhimwasthelaststageofhisabasement。
Inthelightofthisfinalhumiliationhisassumptionofhiswife’sindifferencestruckhimashardlysofatuousasthesentimentalresuscitationofhispast。Hehadbeenlivinginafactitiousworldwhereinhisemotionswerethesycophantsofhisvanity,anditwaswithinstinctivereliefthathefeltitsruinscrashabouthishead。
Itwasnearlydarkwhenhelefthisoffice,andhewalkedslowlyhomewardinthecompletementalabeyancethatfollowsonsuchacrisis。Hewasnotawarethathewasthinkingofhiswife;yetwhenhereachedhisowndoorhefoundthat,intheinvoluntaryreadjustmentofhisvision,shehadoncemorebecomethecentralpointofconsciousness。
XIII
Ithadneverbeforeoccurredtohimthatshemight,afterall,havemissedthepurportofthedocumenthehadputinherway。
Whatif,inherhurriedinspectionofthepapers,shehadpasseditoverasrelatedtotheprivatebusinessofsomeclient?What,forinstance,wastopreventherconcludingthatGlennardwasthecounseloftheunknownpersonwhohadsoldthe"AubynLetters。"
Thesubjectwasonenotlikelytofixherattention——shewasnotacuriouswoman。
Glennardatthispointlaiddownhisforkandglancedatherbetweenthecandle—shades。Thealternativeexplanationofherindifferencewasnotslowinpresentingitself。HerheadhadthesamelisteningdroopaswhenhehadcaughtsightofherthedaybeforeinFlamel’scompany;theattituderevivedthevividnessofhisimpression。Itwassimpleenough,afterall。Shehadceasedtocareforhimbecauseshecaredforsomeoneelse。
Ashefollowedherupstairshefeltasuddenstirringofhisdormantanger。Hissentimentshadlostalltheirfactitiouscomplexity。Hehadalreadyacquittedherofanyconnivanceinhisbaseness,andhefeltonlythathelovedherandthatshehadescapedhim。Thiswasnow,strangelyenough,hisdominatingthought:theconsciousnessthatheandshehadpassedthroughthefusionofloveandhademergedfromitasincommunicablyapartasthoughthetransmutationhadnevertakenplace。Everyotherpassion,hemused,leftsomemarkuponthenature;butlovepassedliketheflightofashipacrossthewaters。
Shesankintoherusualseatnearthelamp,andheleanedagainstthechimney,movingaboutwithaninattentivehandtheknick—
knacksonthemantel。
Suddenlyhecaughtsightofherreflectioninthemirror。Shewaslookingathim。Heturnedandtheireyesmet。
Hemovedacrosstheroomandstoodbeforeher。
"There’ssomethingthatIwanttosaytoyou,"hebeganinalowtone。
Sheheldhisgaze,buthercolordeepened。Henoticedagain,withajealouspang,howherbeautyhadgainedinwarmthandmeaning。
Itwasasthoughatransparentcuphadbeenfilledwithwine。Helookedatherironically。
"I’veneverpreventedyourseeingyourfriendshere,"hebrokeout。"WhydoyoumeetFlamelinout—of—the—wayplaces?Nothingmakesawomansocheap——"
Sheroseabruptlyandtheyfacedeachotherafewfeetapart。
"Whatdoyoumean?"sheasked。
"IsawyouwithhimlastSundayontheRiversideDrive,"hewenton,theutteranceofthechargerevivinghisanger。
"Ah,"shemurmured。Shesankintoherchairagainandbegantoplaywithapaper—knifethatlayonthetableatherelbow。
Hersilenceexasperatedhim。
"Well?"heburstout。"Isthatallyouhavetosay?"
"Doyouwishmetoexplain?"sheasked,proudly。
"DoyouimplyIhaven’ttherightto?"
"Iimplynothing。Iwilltellyouwhateveryouwishtoknow。I
wentforawalkwithMr。Flamelbecauseheaskedmeto。"
"Ididn’tsupposeyouwentuninvited。Buttherearecertainthingsasensiblewomandoesn’tdo。Shedoesn’tslinkaboutinout—of—the—waystreetswithmen。Whycouldn’tyouhaveseenhimhere?"
Shehesitated。"Becausehewantedtoseemealone。"
"Didhe,indeed?AndmayIaskifyougratifyallhiswisheswithequalalacrity?"
"Idon’tknowthathehasanyotherswhereIamconcerned。"Shepausedagainandthencontinued,inalowervoicethatsomehowhadanunder—noteofwarning。"Hewishedtobidmegood—by。He’sgoingaway。"
Glennardturnedonherastartledglance。"Goingaway?"
"He’sgoingtoEuropeto—morrow。Hegoesforalongtime。I
supposedyouknew。"
Thelastphraserevivedhisirritation。"YouforgetthatIdependonyouformyinformationaboutFlamel。He’syourfriendandnotmine。Infact,I’vesometimeswonderedatyourgoingoutofyourwaytobesociviltohimwhenyoumustseeplainlyenoughthatI
don’tlikehim。"
Heranswertothiswasnotimmediate。Sheseemedtobechoosingherwordswithcare,notsomuchforherownsakeasforhis,andhisexasperationwasincreasedbythesuspicionthatshewastryingtosparehim。
"Hewasyourfriendbeforehewasmine。IneverknewhimtillI
wasmarried。Itwasyouwhobroughthimtothehouseandwhoseemedtowishmetolikehim。"
Glennardgaveashortlaugh。Thedefencewasfeeblerthanhehadexpected:shewascertainlynotacleverwoman。
"Yourdeferencetomywishesisreallybeautiful;butit’snotthefirsttimeinhistorythatamanhasmadeamistakeinintroducinghisfriendstohiswife。Youmust,atanyrate,haveseensincethenthatmyenthusiasmhadcooled;butso,perhaps,hasyoureagernesstoobligeme。"
Shemetthiswithasilencethatseemedtorobthetauntofhalfitsefficacy。
"Isthatwhatyouimply?"hepressedher。
"No,"sheansweredwithsuddendirectness。"Inoticedsometimeagothatyouseemedtodislikehim,butsincethen——"
"Well——sincethen?"
"I’veimaginedthatyouhadreasonsforstillwishingmetobeciviltohim,asyoucallit。"
"Ah,"saidGlennard,withaneffortatlightness;buthisironydropped,forsomethinginhervoicemadehimfeelthatheandshestoodatlastinthatnakeddesertofapprehensionwheremeaningskulksvainlybehindspeech。
"Andwhydidyouimaginethis?"Thebloodmountedtohisforehead。"BecausehetoldyouthatIwasunderobligationstohim?"
Sheturnedpale。"Underobligations?"
"Oh,don’tlet’sbeataboutthebush。Didn’thetellyouitwasI
whopublishedMrs。Aubyn’sletters?Answermethat。"
"No,"shesaid;andafteramomentwhichseemedgiventotheweighingofalternatives,sheadded:"Noonetoldme。"
"Youdidn’tknowthen?"
Sheseemedtospeakwithaneffort。"Notuntil——notuntil——"
"TillIgaveyouthosepaperstosort?"
Herheadsank。
"Youunderstoodthen?"
"Yes。"
Helookedatherimmovableface。"Hadyoususpected——before?"wasslowlywrungfromhim。
"Attimes——yes——"Hervoicedroppedtoawhisper。
"Why?Fromanythingthatwassaid——?"
Therewasashadeofpityinherglance。"Noonesaidanything——
noonetoldmeanything。"Shelookedawayfromhim。"Itwasyourmanner——"
"Mymanner?"
"Wheneverthebookwasmentioned。Thingsyousaid——onceortwice——
yourirritation——Ican’texplain——"
Glennard,unconsciously,hadmovednearer。Hebreathedlikeamanwhohasbeenrunning。"Youknew,then,youknew"——hestammered。
TheavowalofherloveforFlamelwouldhavehurthimless,wouldhaverenderedherlessremote。"Youknew——youknew——"herepeated;andsuddenlyhisanguishgatheredvoice。"MyGod!"hecried,"yoususpecteditfirst,yousay——andthenyouknewit——
thisdamnable,thisaccursedthing;youknewitmonthsago——it’smonthssinceIputthatpaperinyourway——andyetyou’vedonenothing,you’vesaidnothing,you’vemadenosign,you’velivedalongsideofmeasifithadmadenodifference——nodifferenceineitherofourlives。Whatareyoumadeof,Iwonder?Don’tyouseethehideousignominyofit?Don’tyouseehowyou’vesharedinmydisgrace?Orhaven’tyouanysenseofshame?"
Hepreservedsufficientlucidity,asthewordspouredfromhim,toseehowfatallytheyinvitedherderision;butsomethingtoldhimtheyhadbothpassedbeyondthephaseofobviousretaliations,andthatifanychordinherrespondeditwouldnotbethatofscorn。
Hewasright。Sheroseslowlyandmovedtowardhim。
"Haven’tyouhadenough——withoutthat?"shesaid,inastrangevoiceofpity。
Hestaredather。"Enough——?"
"Ofmisery……"
Anironbandseemedloosenedfromhistemples。"Yousawthen……?"
hewhispered。
"Oh,God————oh,God————"shesobbed。Shedroppedbesidehimandhidheranguishagainsthisknees。Theyclungthusinsilence,alongtime,driventogetherdownthesamefierceblastofshame。
Whenatlengthsheliftedherfaceheavertedhis。Herscornwouldhavehurthimlessthanthetearsonhishands。
Shespokelanguidly,likeachildemergingfromapassionofweeping。"Itwasforthemoney——?"
Hislipsshapedanassent。
"Thatwastheinheritance——thatwemarriedon?"
"Yes。"
Shedrewbackandrosetoherfeet。Hesatwatchingherasshewanderedawayfromhim。
"Youhateme,"brokefromhim。
Shemadenoanswer。
"Sayyouhateme!"hepersisted。
"Thatwouldhavebeensosimple,"sheansweredwithastrangesmile。Shedroppedintoachairnearthewriting—tableandrestedabowedforeheadonherhand。
"Wasitmuch——?"shebeganatlength。
"Much——?"hereturned,vaguely。
"Themoney。"
"Themoney?"Thatpartofitseemedtocountsolittlethatforamomenthedidnotfollowherthought。
"Itmustbepaidback,"sheinsisted。"Canyoudoit?"
"Oh,yes,"hereturned,listlessly。"Icandoit。"
"Iwouldmakeanysacrificeforthat!"sheurged。
Henodded。"Ofcourse。"Hesatstaringatherindry—eyedself—
contempt。"Doyoucountonitsmakingmuchdifference?"
"Muchdifference?"
"InthewayIfeel——oryoufeelaboutme?"
Sheshookherhead。
"It’stheleastpartofit,"hegroaned。
"It’stheonlypartwecanrepair。"
"Goodheavens!Iftherewereanyreparation——"Herosequicklyandcrossedthespacethatdividedthem。"Whydidyouneverspeak?"heasked。
"Haven’tyouansweredthatyourself?"
"Answeredit?"
"Justnow——whenyoutoldmeyoudiditforme。"Shepausedamomentandthenwentonwithadeepeningnote——"IwouldhavespokenifIcouldhavehelpedyou。"
"Butyoumusthavedespisedme。"
"I’vetoldyouthatwouldhavebeensimpler。"
"Buthowcouldyougoonlikethis——hatingthemoney?"
"Iknewyouwouldspeakintime。Iwantedyou,first,tohateitasIdid。"
Hegazedatherwithakindofawe。"You’rewonderful,"hemurmured。"Butyoudon’tyetknowthedepthsI’vereached。"
Sheraisedanentreatinghand。"Idon’twantto!"
"You’reafraid,then,thatyou’llhateme?"
"No——butthatyou’llhateME。Letmeunderstandwithoutyourtellingme。"
"Youcan’t。It’stoobase。Ithoughtyoudidn’tcarebecauseyoulovedFlamel。"
Sheblusheddeeply。"Don’t——don’t——"shewarnedhim。
"Ihaven’ttherightto,youmean?"
"Imeanthatyou’llbesorry。"
Hestoodimploringlybeforeher。"Iwanttosaysomethingworse——
somethingmoreoutrageous。Ifyoudon’tunderstandTHISyou’llbeperfectlyjustifiedinorderingmeoutofthehouse。"
Sheansweredhimwithaglanceofdivination。"Ishallunderstand——butyou’llbesorry。"
"Imusttakemychanceofthat。"Hemovedawayandtossedthebooksaboutthetable。Thenheswungroundandfacedher。"DoesFlamelcareforyou?"heasked。
Herflushdeepened,butshestilllookedathimwithoutanger。
"Whatwouldbetheuse?"shesaidwithanoteofsadness。
"Ah,Ididn’taskTHAT,"hepenitentlymurmured。
"Well,then——"
Tothisadjurationhemadenoresponsebeyondthatofgazingatherwithaneyewhichseemednowtoviewherasamerefactorinanimmenseredistributionofmeanings。
"IinsultedFlamelto—day。IlethimseethatIsuspectedhimofhavingtoldyou。Ihatedhimbecauseheknewabouttheletters。"
Hecaughtthespreadinghorrorofhereyes,andforaninstanthehadtograpplewiththenewtemptationtheylitup。Thenhesaid,withaneffort——"Don’tblamehim——he’simpeccable。Hehelpedmetogetthempublished;butIliedtohimtoo;Ipretendedtheywerewrittentoanotherman……amanwhowasdead……"
Sheraisedherarmsinagesturethatseemedtowardoffhisblows。
"YouDOdespiseme!"heinsisted。
"Ah,thatpoorwoman——thatpoorwoman——"heheardhermurmur。
"Isparenoone,yousee!"hetriumphedoverher。Shekeptherfacehidden。
"Youdohateme,youdodespiseme!"hestrangelyexulted。
"Besilent!"shecommandedhim;butheseemednolongerconsciousofanycheckonhisgatheringpurpose。
"Hecaredforyou——hecaredforyou,"herepeated,"andhenevertoldyouoftheletters——"
Shesprangtoherfeet。"Howcanyou?"sheflamed。"Howdareyou?THAT——!"
Glennardwasashypale。"It’saweapon……likeanother……"
"Ascoundrel’s!"
Hesmiledwretchedly。"Ishouldhaveuseditinhisplace。"
"Stephen!Stephen!"shecried,asthoughtodrowntheblasphemyonhislips。Sheswepttohimwitharescuinggesture。"Don’tsaysuchthings。Iforbidyou!Itdegradesusboth。"
Heputherbackwithtremblinghands。"NothingthatIsayofmyselfcandegradeyou。We’reondifferentlevels。"
"I’monyours,whateveritis!"
Heliftedhisheadandtheirgazeflowedtogether。
XIV
Thegreatrenewalstakeeffectasimperceptiblyasthefirstworkingsofspring。Glennard,thoughhefelthimselfbroughtnearertohiswife,wasstill,asitwere,hardlywithinspeakingdistance。Hewasbutlaboriouslyacquiringtherudimentsoftheirnewmediumofcommunication;andhehadtogropeforherthroughthedensefogofhishumiliation,thedistortingvaporagainstwhichhispersonalityloomedgrotesqueandmean。
Onlythefactthatweareunawarehowwellournearestknowusenablesustolivewiththem。Loveisthemostimpregnablerefugeofself—esteem,andwehatetheeyethatreachestoournakedness。
IfGlennarddidnothatehiswifeitwasslowly,sufferingly,thattherewasborninhimthatprofounderpassionwhichmadehisearlierfeelingseemamerecommotionoftheblood。Hewaslikeachildcomingbacktothesenseofanenvelopingpresence:hernearnesswasabreastonwhichheleaned。
Theydidnot,atfirst,talkmuchtogether,andeachbeatadevioustrackabouttheoutskirtsofthesubjectthatlaybetweenthemlikeahauntedwood。Buteveryword,everyaction,seemedtoglanceatit,todrawtowardit,asthoughafountofhealingspranginitspoisonedshade。Ifonlytheymightcutawaythroughthethickettothatrestoringspring!
Glennard,watchinghiswifewiththeintentnessofawanderertowhomnonaturalsignisnegligible,sawthatshehadtakentemporaryrefugeinthepurposeofrenouncingthemoney。Ifboth,theoretically,ownedtheinefficacyofsuchamends,thewoman’sinstinctivesubjectivenessmadeherfindreliefinthiscrudeformofpenance。Glennardsawthatshemeanttoliveasfrugallyaspossibletillwhatshedeemedtheirdebtwasdischarged;andheprayedshemightnotdiscoverhowfar—reaching,initsmerelymaterialsense,wastheobligationshethushopedtoacquit。Hermindwasfixedonthesumoriginallypaidfortheletters,andthisheknewhecouldlayasideinayearortwo。Hewastouched,meanwhile,bythespiritthatmadeherdiscardthepettyluxurieswhichsheregardedasthesignsoftheirbondage。Theirsharedrenunciationsdrewhernearertohim,helped,intheirevidenceofherhelplessness,torestorethefullprotectingstatureofhislove。Andstilltheydidnotspeak。
Itwasseveralweekslaterthat,oneafternoonbythedrawing—roomfire,shehandedhimaletterthatshehadbeenreadingwhenheentered。
"I’veheardfromMr。Flamel,"shesaid。
Glennardturnedpale。Itwasasthoughalatentpresencehadsuddenlybecomevisibletoboth。Hetookthelettermechanically。
"It’sfromSmyrna,"shesaid。"Won’tyoureadit?"
Hehandeditback。"Youcantellmeaboutit——hishand’ssoillegible。"Hewanderedtotheotherendoftheroomandthenturnedandstoodbeforeher。"I’vebeenthinkingofwritingtoFlamel,"hesaid。
Shelookedup。
"There’sonepoint,"hecontinued,slowly,"thatIoughttoclearup。Itoldhimyou’dknownaboutthelettersallalong;foralongtime,atleast;andIsawithurthimhorribly。ItwasjustwhatImeanttodo,ofcourse;butIcan’tleavehimtothatfalseimpression;Imustwritehim。"
Shereceivedthiswithoutoutwardmovement,buthesawthatthedepthswerestirred。Atlengthshereturned,inahesitatingtone,"Whydoyoucallitafalseimpression?Ididknow。"
"Yes,butIimpliedyoudidn’tcare。"
"Ah!"
Hestillstoodlookingdownonher。"Don’tyouwantmetosetthatright?"hetentativelypursued。
Sheliftedherheadandfixedhimbravely。"Itisn’tnecessary,"
shesaid。
Glennardflushedwiththeshockoftheretort;then,withagestureofcomprehension,"No,"hesaid,"withyouitcouldn’tbe;
butImightstillsetmyselfright。"
Shelookedathimgently。"Don’tI,"shemurmured,"dothat?"
"Inbeingyourselfmerely?Alas,therehabilitation’stoocomplete!Youmakemeseem——tomyselfeven——whatI’mnot;whatI
canneverbe。Ican’t,attimes,defendmyselffromthedelusion;
butIcanatleastenlightenothers。"
Thefloodwasloosened,andkneelingbyherhecaughtherhands。
"Don’tyouseethatit’sbecomeanobsessionwithme?ThatifI
couldstripmyselfdowntothelastlie——onlythere’dalwaysbeanotheroneleftunderit!——anddopenancenakedinthemarket—
place,Ishouldatleasthavethereliefofeasingoneanguishbyanother?Don’tyouseethattheworstofmytortureistheimpossibilityofsuchamends?"
Herhandslayinhiswithoutreturningpressure。"Ah,poorwoman,poorwoman,"heheardhersigh。
"Don’tpityher,pityme!WhathaveIdonetoherortoyou,afterall?You’rebothinaccessible!ItwasmyselfIsold。"
Hetookanabruptturnawayfromher;thenhaltedbeforeheragain。"Howmuchlonger,"heburstout,"doyousupposeyoucanstandit?You’vebeenmagnificent,you’vebeeninspired,butwhat’stheuse?Youcan’twipeouttheignominyofit。It’smiserableforyouanditdoesHERnogood!"
Sheliftedavividface。"That’sthethoughtIcan’tbear!"shecried。
"Whatthought?"
"Thatitdoeshernogood——allyou’refeeling,allyou’resuffering。Canitbethatitmakesnodifference?"
Heavoidedherchallengingglance。"What’sdoneisdone,"hemuttered。
"Isitever,quite,Iwonder?"shemused。Hemadenoanswerandtheylapsedintooneofthepausesthatareasubterraneanchannelofcommunication。
Itwasshewho,afterawhile,begantospeakwithanewsuffusingdiffidencethatmadehimturnarousedeyeonher。
"Don’ttheysay,"sheasked,feelingherwayasinakindoftenderapprehensiveness,"thattheearlyChristians,insteadofpullingdowntheheathentemples——thetemplesoftheuncleangods——
purifiedthembyturningthemtotheirownuses?I’vealwaysthoughtonemightdothatwithone’sactions——theactionsoneloathesbutcan’tundo。Onecanmake,Imean,awrongthedoortootherwrongsoranimpassablewallagainstthem……"Hervoicewaveredontheword。"Wecan’talwaysteardownthetempleswe’vebuilttotheuncleangods,butwecanputgoodspiritsinthehouseofevil——thespiritsofmercyandshameandunderstanding,thatmightneverhavecometousifwehadn’tbeeninsuchgreatneed……"
Shemovedovertohimandlaidahesitatinghandonhis。Hisheadwasbentandhedidnotchangehisattitude。Shesatdownbesidehimwithoutspeaking;buttheirsilencesnowwerefertileasrain—
clouds——theyquickenedtheseedsofunderstanding。
Atlengthhelookedup。"Idon’tknow,"hesaid,"whatspiritshavecometoliveinthehouseofevilthatIbuilt——butyou’rethereandthat’senoughforme。It’sstrange,"hewentonafteranotherpause,"shewishedthebestformesooften,andnow,atlast,it’sthroughherthatit’scometome。ButforherI
shouldn’thaveknownyou——it’sthroughherthatI’vefoundyou。
Sometimes,doyouknow?——thatmakesithardest——makesmemostintolerabletomyself。Can’tyouseethatit’stheworstthingI’vegottoface?IsometimesthinkIcouldhaveborneitbetterifyouhadn’tunderstood!Itookeverythingfromher——everything——
eventothepoorshelterofloyaltyshe’dtrustedin——theonlythingIcouldhavelefther!——Itookeverythingfromher,I
deceivedher,Idespoiledher,Idestroyedher——andshe’sgivenmeYOUinreturn!"
Hiswife’scrycaughthimup。"Itisn’tthatshe’sgivenMEtoyou——itisthatshe’sgivenyoutoyourself。"Sheleanedtohimasthoughsweptforwardonawaveofpity。"Don’tyousee,"shewenton,ashiseyeshungonher,"thatthat’sthegiftyoucan’tescapefrom,thedebtyou’repledgedtoacquit?Don’tyouseethatyou’veneverbeforebeenwhatshethoughtyou,andthatnow,sowonderfully,she’smadeyouintothemansheloved?THAT’S
worthsufferingfor,worthdyingfor,toawoman——that’sthegiftshewouldhavewishedtogive!"
"Ah,"hecried,"butwoetohimbywhomitcometh。WhatdidI
evergiveher?"
"Thehappinessofgiving,"shesaid。