CHAPTERI
"Truthisstrange，Strangerthanfiction。"
IthinkitbutrightthatinmakingmyappearancebeforethepublicIshouldatonceacquaintthemwithmytitlesandname。Mycard，asIleaveitatthehousesofthenobility，myfriends，isasfollows：—
MAJORGOLIAHO’GRADYGAHAGAN，H。E。I。C。S。，CommandingBattalionofIrregularHorse，AHMEDNUGGAR。
Seeing，Isay，thissimplevisitingticket，theworldwillavoidanyofthoseawkwardmistakesastomyperson，whichhavebeensofrequentoflate。Therehasbeennoendtotheblundersregardingthishumbletitleofmine，andtheconfusiontherebycreated。WhenIpublishedmyvolumeofpoems，forinstance，theMorningPostnewspaperremarked"thattheLyricsoftheHeart，byMissGahagan，mayberankedamongthesweetestflowretsofthepresentspringseason。"TheQuarterlyReview，commentinguponmy"ObservationsonthePonsAsinorum"（4to，London，1836），calledme"DoctorGahagan，"
andsoon。Itwastimetoputanendtothesemistakes，andIhavetakentheabovesimpleremedy。
Iwasurgedtoitbyaveryexaltedpersonage。DininginAugustlastatthepalaceoftheT—l—r—esatParis，thelovelyyoungDuch—
ssofOrl—ns（who，thoughshedoesnotspeakEnglish，understandsitaswellasIdo），saidtomeinthesoftestTeutonic，"LieberHerrMajor，habensiedenAhmednuggarischen—jager—battaliongelassen？""Warumdenn？"saidI，quiteastonishedatherR—lH—
ss’squestion。TheP—cessthenspokeofsometriflefrommypen，whichwassimplysignedGoliahGahagan。
Therewas，unluckily，adeadsilenceasH。R。H。putthisquestion。
"Commentdonc？"saidH。M。Lo—isPh—l—ppe，lookinggravelyatCountMole；"lecherMajoraquittel’armee!Nicolasdoncseramaitredel’Inde!"H。M—andthePr。M—n—sterpursuedtheirconversationinalowtone，andleftme，asmaybeimagined，inadreadfulstateofconfusion。Iblushedandstuttered，andmurmuredoutafewincoherentwordstoexplain——butitwouldnotdo——Icouldnotrecovermyequanimityduringthecourseofthedinner；andwhileendeavouringtohelpanEnglishduke，myneighbour，topouletal’Austerlitz，fairlysentsevenmushroomsandthreelargegreasycroutesoverhiswhiskersandshirt—frill。Anotherlaughatmyexpense。"Ah!M。leMajor，"saidtheQ—oftheB—lg—ns，archly，"vousn’aurezjamaisvotrebrevetdeColonel。"HerM—y’sjokewillbebetterunderstoodwhenIstatethathisGraceisthebrotherofaMinister。
Iamnotatlibertytoviolatethesanctityofprivatelife，bymentioningthenamesofthepartiesconcernedinthislittleanecdote。IonlywishtohaveitunderstoodthatIamagentleman，andliveatleastinDECENTsociety。Verbumsat。
Buttobeserious。IamobligedalwaystowritethenameofGoliahinfull，todistinguishmefrommybrother，GregoryGahagan，whowasalsoaMajor（intheKing’sservice），andwhomIkilledinaduel，asthepublicmostlikelyknows。PoorGreg!averytrivialdisputewasthecauseofourquarrel，whichneverwouldhaveoriginatedbutforthesimilarityofournames。Thecircumstancewasthis：IhadbeenluckyenoughtorendertheNawaubofLucknowsometriflingservice（inthenotoriousaffairofChoprasjeeMuckjee），andhisHighnesssentdownagoldtoothpick—casedirectedtoCaptainG。Gahagan，whichIofcoursethoughtwasforme：mybrothermadlyclaimedit；wefought，andtheconsequencewas，thatinaboutthreeminuteshereceivedaslashintherightside（cut6），whicheffectuallydidhisbusiness：—hewasagoodswordsmanenough——IwasTHEBESTintheuniverse。Themostridiculouspartoftheaffairis，thatthetoothpick—casewashis，afterall——hehadleftitontheNawaub’stableattiffin。Ican’tconceivewhatmadnesspromptedhimtofightaboutsuchapaltrybauble；hehadmuchbetterhaveyieldeditatonce，whenhesawIwasdeterminedtohaveit。Fromthisslightspecimenofmyadventures，thereaderwillperceivethatmylifehasbeenoneofnoordinaryinterest；
and，infact，ImaysaythatIhaveledamoreremarkablelifethananymanintheservice——Ihavebeenatmorepitchedbattles，ledmoreforlornhopes，hadmoresuccessamongthefairsex，drunkharder，readmore，beenahandsomermanthananyofficernowservingHerMajesty。
WhenIfirstwenttoIndiain1802，Iwasarawcornetofseventeen，withblazingredhair，sixfeetfourinheight，athleticatallkindsofexercises，owingmoneytomytailorandeverybodyelsewhowouldtrustme，possessinganIrishbrogue，andmyfullpayof120l。ayear。IneednotsaythatwithalltheseadvantagesIdidthatwhichanumberofcleverfellowshavedonebeforeme——I
fellinlove，andproposedtomarryimmediately。
Buthowtoovercomethedifficulty？——ItistruethatIlovedJuliaJowler——lovedhertomadness；butherfatherintendedherforaMemberofCouncilatleast，andnotforabeggarlyIrishensign。
Itwas，however，myfatetomakethepassagetoIndia（onboardofthe"SamuelSnob"EastIndiaman，CaptainDuffy）withthislovelycreature，andmymisfortuneinstantaneouslytofallinlovewithher。WewerenotoutoftheChannelbeforeIadoredher，worshippedthedeckwhichshetrodupon，kissedathousandtimesthecuddy—chaironwhichsheusedtosit。Thesamemadnessfelloneverymanintheship。ThetwomatesfoughtaboutherattheCape；
thesurgeon，asoberpiousScotchman，fromdisappointedaffection，tooksodreadfullytodrinkingastothreatenspontaneouscombustion；andoldColonelLilywhite，carryinghiswifeandsevendaughterstoBengal，sworethathewouldhaveadivorcefromMrs。
L。，andmadeanattemptatsuicide；thecaptainhimselftoldme，withtearsinhiseyes，thathehatedhishitherto—adoredMrs。
Duffy，althoughhehadhadnineteenchildrenbyher。
Weusedtocallherthewitch——therewasmagicinherbeautyandinhervoice。Iwasspell—boundwhenIlookedather，andstarkstaringmadwhenshelookedatme!Olustrousblackeyes!——O
glossynight—blackringlets!——Olips!——Odaintyfrocksofwhitemuslin!——Otinykidslippers!——thougholdandgouty，Gahaganseesyoustill!Irecollect，offAscension，shelookedatmeinherparticularwayonedayatdinner，justasIhappenedtobeblowingonapieceofscaldinghotgreenfat。Iwasstupefiedatonce——I
thrusttheentiremorsel（abouthalfapound）intomymouth。I
madenoattempttoswallow，ortomasticateit，butleftitthereformanyminutes，burning，burning!Ihadnoskintomypalateforsevenweeksafter，andlivedonrice—waterduringtherestofthevoyage。Theanecdoteistrivial，butitshowsthepowerofJuliaJowleroverme。
Thewritersofmarinenovelshavesoexhaustedthesubjectofstorms，shipwrecks，mutinies，engagements，sea—sickness，andsoforth，that（althoughIhaveexperiencedeachoftheseinmanyvarieties）Ithinkitquiteunnecessarytorecountsuchtriflingadventures；sufficeittosay，thatduringourfivemonths’trajet，mymadpassionforJuliadailyincreased；sodidthecaptain’sandthesurgeon’s；sodidColonelLilywhite’s；sodidthedoctor’s，themate’s——thatofmostpartofthepassengers，andaconsiderablenumberofthecrew。Formyself，Iswore——ensignasIwas——Iwouldwinherformywife；IvowedthatIwouldmakehergloriouswithmysword——thatassoonasIhadmadeafavourableimpressiononmycommandingofficer（whichIdidnotdoubttocreate），Iwouldlayopentohimthestateofmyaffections，anddemandhisdaughter’shand。Withsuchsentimentaloutpouringsdidourvoyagecontinueandconclude。
WelandedattheSunderbundsonagrillinghotdayinDecember1802，andthenforthemomentJuliaandIseparated。Shewascarriedofftoherpapa’sarmsinapalankeen，surroundedbyatleastfortyhookahbadars；whilstthepoorcornet，attendedbutbytwodandiesandasolitarybeasty（bywhichunnaturalnametheseblackamoorsarecalled），madehiswayhumblytojointheregimentatheadquarters。
The—’thRegimentofBengalCavalry，thenunderthecommandofLieut。—ColonelJuliusJowler，C。B。，wasknownthroughoutAsiaandEuropebytheproudtitleoftheBundelcundInvincibles——sogreatwasitscharacterforbravery，soremarkablewereitsservicesinthatdelightfuldistrictofIndia。MajorSirGeorgeGutchwasnextincommand，andTomThrupp，askindafellowaseverranaMahrattathroughthebody，wassecondMajor。WewereontheeveofthatremarkablewarwhichwasspeedilytospreadthroughoutthewholeofIndia，tocallforththevalourofaWellesley，andtheindomitablegallantryofaGahagan；whichwasillustratedbyourvictoriesatAhmednuggar（whereIwasthefirstoverthebarricadeatthestormingofthePettah）；atArgaum，whereIslewwithmyownswordtwenty—threematchlock—men，andcutadromedaryintwo；andbythatterribledayofAssaye，whereWellesleywouldhavebeenbeatenbutforme——mealone：Iheadednineteenchargesofcavalry，took（aidedbyonlyfourmenofmyowntroop）seventeenfield—pieces，killingthescoundrellyFrenchartillerymen；onthatdayIhadelevenelephantsshotunderme，andcarriedawayScindiah’snose—
ringwithapistol—ball。WellesleyisaDukeandaMarshal，IbutasimpleMajorofIrregulars。Suchisfortuneandwar!Butmyfeelingscarrymeawayfrommynarrative，whichhadbetterproceedwithmoreorder。
Onarriving，Isay，atourbarracksatDumDum，IforthefirsttimeputonthebeautifuluniformoftheInvincibles：alightblueswallow—tailedjacketwithsilverlaceandwings，ornamentedwithabout3，000sugar—loafbuttons，rhubarb—colouredleatherinexpressibles（tights），andredmoroccobootswithsilverspursandtassels，setofftoadmirationthehandsomepersonsoftheofficersofourcorps。Weworepowderinthosedays；andaregulationpigtailofseventeeninches，abrasshelmetsurroundedbyleopardskin，withabearskintopandahorsetailfeather，gavetheheadafierceandchivalrousappearance，whichisfarmoreeasilyimaginedthandescribed。
Attiredinthismagnificentcostume，IfirstpresentedmyselfbeforeColonelJowler。Hewashabitedinamannerpreciselysimilar，butnotbeingmorethanfivefeetinheight，andweighingatleastfifteenstone，thedressheworedidnotbecomehimquitesomuchasslimmerandtallermen。FlankedbyhistallMajors，ThruppandGutch，helookedlikeastumpyskittle—ballbetweentwoattenuatedskittles。TheplumplittleColonelreceivedmewithvastcordiality，andIspeedilybecameaprimefavouritewithhimselfandtheotherofficersofthecorps。Jowlerwasthemosthospitableofmen；andgratifyingmyappetiteandmylovetogether，Icontinuallypartookofhisdinners，andfeastedonthesweetpresenceofJulia。
Icanseenow，whatIwouldnotandcouldnotperceiveinthoseearlydays，thatthisMissJowler——onwhomIhadlavishedmyfirstandwarmestlove，whomIhadendowedwithallperfectionandpurity——wasnobetterthanalittleimpudentflirt，whoplayedwithmyfeelings，becauseduringthemonotonyofaseavoyageshehadnoothertoytoplaywith；andwhodesertedothersforme，andmeforothers，justasherwhimorherinterestmightguideher。Shehadnotbeenthreeweeksatheadquarterswhenhalftheregimentwasinlovewithher。Eachandallofthecandidateshadsomefavourtoboastof，orsomeencouraginghopesonwhichtobuild。Itwasthesceneofthe"SamuelSnob"overagain，onlyheightenedininterestbyanumberofduels。Thefollowinglistwillgivethereaderanotionofsomeofthem：—
1。CornetGahagan……EnsignHicks，oftheSappersandMiners。
Hicksreceivedaballinhisjaw，andwashalfchokedbyaquantityofcarrotywhiskerforceddownhisthroatwiththeball。
2。CaptainMacgillicuddy，B。N。I。CornetGahagan。Iwasrunthroughthebody，buttheswordpassedbetweentheribs，andinjuredmeveryslightly。
3。CaptainMacgillicuddy，B。N。I。Mr。Mulligatawny，B。C。S。，Deputy—
AssistantViceSub—ControlleroftheBoggleywollahIndigogrounds，Ramgollybranch。
Macgillicuddyshouldhavestucktosword’splay，andhemighthavecomeoffinhissecondduelaswellasinhisfirst；asitwas，thecivilianplacedaballandapartofMac’sgoldrepeaterinhisstomach。Aremarkablecircumstanceattendedthisshot，anaccountofwhichIsenthometothe"PhilosophicalTransactions："thesurgeonhadextractedtheball，andwasgoingoff，thinkingthatallwaswell，whenthegoldrepeaterstruckthirteeninpoorMacgillicuddy’sabdomen。Isupposethattheworksmusthavebeendisarrangedinsomewaybythebullet，fortherepeaterwasoneofBarraud’s，neverknowntofailbefore，andthecircumstanceoccurredatseveno’clock。{1}
Icouldcontinue，almostadinfinitum，anaccountofthewarswhichthisHelenoccasioned，buttheabovethreespecimenswill，Ishouldthink，satisfythepeacefulreader。Idelightnotinscenesofblood，Heavenknows，butIwascompelledinthecourseofafewweeks，andforthesakeofthisonewoman，tofightnineduelsmyself，andIknowthatfourtimesasmanymoretookplaceconcerningher。
IforgottosaythatJowler’swifewasahalf—castewoman，whohadbeenbornandbredentirelyinIndia，andwhomtheColonelhadmarriedfromthehouseofhermother，anative。Thereweresomesingularrumoursabroadregardingthislatterlady’shistory：itwasreportedthatshewasthedaughterofanativeRajah，andhadbeencarriedoffbyapoorEnglishsubalterninLordClive’stime。
Theyoungmanwaskilledverysoonafter，andlefthischildwithitsmother。TheblackPrinceforgavehisdaughterandbequeathedtoherahandsomesumofmoney。IsupposethatitwasonthisaccountthatJowlermarriedMrs。J。，acreaturewhohadnot，Idobelieve，aChristianname，orasingleChristianquality：shewasahideous，bloated，yellowcreature，withabeard，blackteeth，andredeyes：shewasfat，lying，ugly，andstingy——shehatedandwashatedbyalltheworld，andbyherjollyhusbandasdevoutlyasbyanyother。Shedidnotpassamonthintheyearwithhim，butspentmostofhertimewithhernativefriends。Iwonderhowshecouldhavegivenbirthtosolovelyacreatureasherdaughter。
ThiswomanwasofcoursewiththeColonelwhenJuliaarrived，andthespiceofthedevilinherdaughter’scompositionwasmostcarefullynourishedandfedbyher。IfJuliahadbeenaflirtbefore，shewasadownrightjiltnow；shesetthewholecantonmentbytheears；shemadewivesjealousandhusbandsmiserable；shecausedallthoseduelsofwhichIhavediscoursedalready，andyetsuchwasthefascinationofTHEWITCHthatIstillthoughtheranangel。Imadecourttothenastymotherinordertobenearthedaughter；andIlisteneduntiringlytoJowler’sinterminabledullstories，becauseIwasoccupiedallthetimeinwatchingthegracefulmovementsofMissJulia。
Butthetrumpetofwarwassoonringinginourears；andonthebattle—fieldGahaganisaman!TheBundelcundInvinciblesreceivedorderstomarch，andJowler，Hector—like，donnedhishelmetandpreparedtopartfromhisAndromache。Andnowarosehisperplexity：whatmustbedonewithhisdaughter，hisJulia？Heknewhiswife’speculiaritiesofliving，anddidnotmuchcaretotrusthisdaughtertoherkeeping；butinvainhetriedtofindheranasylumamongtherespectableladiesofhisregiment。LadyGutchofferedtoreceiveher，butwouldhavenothingtodowithMrs。
Jowler；thesurgeon’swife，Mrs。Sawbone，wouldhaveneithermothernordaughter：therewasnohelpforit，Juliaandhermothermusthaveahousetogether，andJowlerknewthathiswifewouldfillitwithherodiousblackamoorfriends。
Icouldnot，however，goforthsatisfiedtothecampaignuntilI
learnedfromJuliamyfate。Iwatchedtwentyopportunitiestoseeheralone，andwanderedabouttheColonel’sbungalowasaninformerdoesaboutapublic—house，markingtheincomingsandtheoutgoingsofthefamily，andlongingtoseizethemomentwhenMissJowler，unbiassedbyhermotherorherpapa，mightlisten，perhaps，tomyeloquence，andmeltatthetaleofmylove。
Butitwouldnotdo——oldJowlerseemedtohavetakenallofasuddentosuchafitofdomesticity，thattherewasnofindinghimoutofdoors，andhisrhubarb—colouredwife（Ibelievethatherskingavethefirstideaofourregimentalbreeches），whobeforehadbeengaddingceaselesslyabroad，andpokingherbroadnoseintoeverymenageinthecantonment，stoppedfaithfullyathomewithherspouse。Myonlychancewastobeardtheoldcoupleintheirden，andaskthematoncefortheircub。
SoIcalledonedayattiffin：—oldJowlerwasalwayshappytohavemycompanyatthismeal；itamusedhim，hesaid，toseemedrinkHodgson’spaleale（Idranktwohundredandthirty—fourdozenthefirstyearIwasinBengal）——anditwasnosmallpieceoffun，certainly，toseeoldMrs。Jowlerattackthecurrie—bhaut；——shewasexactlythecolourofit，asIhavehadalreadythehonourtoremark，andsheswallowedthemixturewithagustowhichwasneverequalled，exceptbymypoorfriendDandoaproposd’huitres。Sheconsumedthefirstthreeplatefulswithaforkandspoon，likeaChristian；butasshewarmedtoherwork，theoldhagwouldthrowawayhersilverimplements，anddraggingthedishestowardsher，gotoworkwithherhands，flipthericeintohermouthwithherfingers，andstowawayaquantityofeatablessufficientforasepoycompany。ButwhydoIdivergefromthemainpointofmystory？
Julia，then，Jowler，andMrs。J。，wereatluncheon；thedeargirlwasintheacttosableraglassofHodgsonasIentered。"Howdoyoudo，Mr。Gagin？"saidtheoldhag，leeringly。"Eatabito’
currie—bhaut，"——andshethrustthedishtowardsme，securingaheapasitpassed。"What!Gagymyboy，howdo，howdo？"saidthefatColonel。"What!runthroughthebody？——gotwellagain——havesomeHodgson——runthroughyourbodytoo!"——andatthis，Imaysay，coarsejoke（alludingtothefactthatinthesehotclimatesthealeoozesoutasitwerefromtheporesoftheskin）oldJowlerlaughed：ahostofswarthychobdars，kitmatgars，sices，consomahs，andbobbychieslaughedtoo，astheyprovidedme，unasked，withthegratefulfluid。Swallowingsixtumblersofit，Ipausednervouslyforamoment，andthensaid—
"Bobbachy，consomah，ballybaloohoga。"
Theblackruffianstookthehint，andretired。
"ColonelandMrs。Jowler，"saidIsolemnly，"wearealone；andyou，MissJowler，youarealonetoo；thatis——Imean——Itakethisopportunityto——（anotherglassofale，ifyouplease）——toexpress，onceforall，beforedepartingonadangerouscampaign"——（Juliaturnedpale）——"beforeentering，Isay，uponawarwhichmaystretchinthedustmyhigh—raisedhopesandme，toexpressmyhopeswhilelifestillremainstome，andtodeclareinthefaceofheaven，earth，andColonelJowler，thatIloveyou，Julia!"TheColonel，astonished，letfallasteelfork，whichstuckquiveringforsomeminutesinthecalfofmyleg；butIheedednotthepaltryinterruption。"Yes，byyonbrightheaven，"continuedI，"Iloveyou，Julia!Irespectmycommander，Iesteemyourexcellentandbeauteousmother：tellme，beforeIleaveyou，ifImayhopeforareturnofmyaffection。Saythatyouloveme，andIwilldosuchdeedsinthiscomingwar，asshallmakeyouproudofthenameofyourGahagan。"
Theoldwoman，asIdeliveredthesetouchingwords，stared，snapped，andgroundherteeth，likeanenragedmonkey。Juliawasnowred，nowwhite；theColonelstretchedforward，tooktheforkoutofthecalfofmyleg，wipedit，andthenseizedabundleofletterswhichIhadremarkedbyhisside。
"Acornet!"saidhe，inavoicechokingwithemotion；"apitifulbeggarlyIrishcornetaspiretothehandofJuliaJowler!Gag——
Gahagan，areyoumad，orlaughingatus？Lookattheseletters，youngman——attheseletters，Isay——onehundredandtwenty—fourepistlesfromeverypartofIndia（notincludingonefromtheGovernor—General，andsixfromhisbrother，ColonelWellesley）——onehundredandtwenty—fourproposalsforthehandofMissJowler!
CornetGahagan，"hecontinued，"Iwishtothinkwellofyou：youarethebravest，themostmodest，and，perhaps，thehandsomestmaninourcorps；butyouhavenotgotasinglerupee。YouaskmeforJulia，andyoudonotpossessevenananna!"——（Heretheoldroguegrinned，asifhehadmadeacapitalpun。）——"No，no，"saidhe，waxinggood—natured；"Gagymyboy，itisnonsense!Julialove，retirewithyourmamma；thissillyyounggentlemanwillremainandsmokeapipewithme。"
Itookone：itwasthebitterestchillumIeversmokedinmylife。
***
Iamnotgoingtogivehereanaccountofmymilitaryservices；
theywillappearinmygreatnationalautobiography，infortyvolumes，whichIamnowpreparingforthepress。IwaswithmyregimentinallWellesley’sbrilliantcampaigns；thentakingdawk，Itravelledacrossthecountrynorth—eastward，andhadthehonouroffightingbythesideofLordLakeatLaswaree，Degg，Furruckabad，Futtyghur，andBhurtpore：butIwillnotboastofmyactions——themilitarymanknowsthem，MYSOVEREIGNappreciatesthem。IfaskedwhowasthebravestmanoftheIndianarmy，thereisnotanofficerbelongingtoitwhowouldnotcryatonce，GAHAGAN。Thefactis，Iwasdesperate：Icarednotforlife，deprivedofJuliaJowler。
WithJulia’sstonylookseverbeforemyeyes，herfather’ssternrefusalinmyears，Ididnotcare，atthecloseofthecampaign，againtoseekhercompanyortopressmysuit。Wewereeighteenmonthsonservice，marchingandcounter—marching，andfightingalmosteveryotherday：totheworldIdidnotseemaltered；buttheworldonlysawtheface，andnotthesearedandblightedheartwithinme。Myvalour，alwaysdesperate，nowreachedtoapitchofcruelty；Itorturedmygroomsandgrass—cuttersforthemosttriflingoffenceorerror，——Ineverinactionsparedaman，——I
shearedoffthreehundredandnineheadsinthecourseofthatsinglecampaign。
Someinfluence，equallymelancholy，seemedtohavefallenuponpooroldJowler。AboutsixmonthsafterwehadleftDumDum，hereceivedaparceloflettersfromBenares（whitherhiswifehadretiredwithherdaughter），andsodeeplydidtheyseemtoweighuponhisspirits，thatheorderedelevenmenofhisregimenttobefloggedwithintwodays；butitwasagainsttheblacksthathechieflyturnedhiswrath。Ourfellows，intheheatandhurryofthecampaign，wereinthehabitofdealingratherroughlywiththeirprisoners，toextracttreasurefromthem：theyusedtopulltheirnailsoutbytheroot，toboiltheminkedgereepots，toflogthemanddresstheirwoundswithcayennepepper，andsoon。
Jowler，whenheheardoftheseproceedings，whichbeforehadalwaysjustlyexasperatedhim（hewasahumaneandkindlittleman），usednowtosmilefiercelyandsay，"D—theblackscoundrels!Servethemright，servethemright!"
Oneday，aboutacoupleofmilesinadvanceofthecolumn，Ihadbeenonaforaging—partywithafewdragoons，andwasreturningpeaceablytocamp，whenofasuddenatroopofMahrattasburstonusfromaneighbouringmango—tope，inwhichtheyhadbeenhidden：
inaninstantthreeofmymen’ssaddleswereempty，andIwasleftwithbutsevenmoretomakeheadagainstatleastthirtyofthesevagabondblackhorsemen。Ineversawinmylifeanoblerfigurethantheleaderofthetroop——mountedonasplendidblackArab；hewasastall，verynearly，asmyself；heworeasteelcapandashirtofmail，andcarriedabeautifulFrenchcarbine，whichhadalreadydoneexecutionupontwoofmymen。Isawthatouronlychanceofsafetylayinthedestructionofthisman。Ishoutedtohiminavoiceofthunder（intheHindustaneetongueofcourse），"Stop，dog，ifyoudare，andencounteraman!"
Inreplyhislancecamewhirlingintheairovermyhead，andmortallytransfixedpoorFoggartyofours，whowasbehindme。
Grindingmyteethandswearinghorribly，Idrewthatscimitarwhichneveryetfaileditsblow，{2}andrushedattheIndian。Hecamedownatfullgallop，hisownswordmakingtenthousandgleamingcirclesintheair，shriekinghiscryofbattle。
Thecontestdidnotlastaninstant。WithmyfirstblowIcutoffhissword—armatthewrist；mysecondIlevelledathishead。I
saidthatheworeasteelcap，withagiltironspikeofsixinches，andahoodofchainmail。Iroseinmystirrupsanddelivered"St。George；"myswordcaughtthespikeexactlyonthepoint，splititsheerintwo，cutcrashingthroughthesteelcapandhood，andwasonlystoppedbyarubywhichheworeinhisback—
plate。Hishead，cutcleanintwobetweentheeyebrowsandnostrils，evenbetweenthetwofrontteeth，fellonesideoneachshoulder，andhegallopedontillhishorsewasstoppedbymymen，whowerenotalittleamusedatthefeat。
AsIhadexpected，theremainingruffiansfledonseeingtheirleader’sfate。Itookhomehishelmetbywayofcuriosity，andwemadeasingleprisoner，whowasinstantlycarriedbeforeoldJowler。
Weaskedtheprisonerthenameoftheleaderofthetroop：hesaiditwasChowderLoll。
"ChowderLoll!"shriekedColonelJowler。"OFate!thyhandishere!"Herushedwildlyintohistent——thenextdayappliedforleaveofabsence。Gutchtookthecommandoftheregiment，andI
sawhimnomoreforsometime。
***
AsIhaddistinguishedmyselfnotalittleduringthewar，GeneralLakesentmeupwithdespatchestoCalcutta，whereLordWellesleyreceivedmewiththegreatestdistinction。Fancymysurprise，ongoingtoaballatGovernmentHouse，tomeetmyoldfriendJowler；
mytrembling，blushing，thrillingdelight，whenIsawJuliabyhisside!
Jowlerseemedtoblushtoowhenhebeheldme。Ithoughtofmyformerpassageswithhisdaughter。"Gagymyboy，"sayshe，shakinghands，"gladtoseeyou。Oldfriend，Julia——cometotiffin——
Hodgson’spale——bravefellowGagy。"Juliadidnotspeak，butsheturnedashypale，andfixeduponmeherawfuleyes!Ifaintedalmost，andutteredsomeincoherentwords。Juliatookmyhand，gazedatmestill，andsaid，"Come!"NeedIsayIwent？
Iwillnotgooverthepalealeandcurrie—bhautagain!butthisI
know，thatinhalf—an—hourIwasasmuchinloveasIeverhadbeen：andthatinthreeweeksI——yes，I——wastheacceptedloverofJulia!Ididnotpausetoaskwhereweretheonehundredandtwenty—fouroffers？whyI，refusedbefore，shouldbeacceptednow？
IonlyfeltthatIlovedher，andwashappy!
***
Onenight，onememorablenight，Icouldnotsleep，and，withalover’spardonablepassion，wanderedsolitarythroughtheCityofPalacesuntilIcametothehousewhichcontainedmyJulia。I
peepedintothecompound——allwasstill；Ilookedintotheverandah——allwasdark，exceptalight——yes，onelight——anditwasinJulia’schamber!Myheartthrobbedalmosttostifling。I
would——IWOULDadvance，ifbuttogazeuponherforamoment，andtoblessherassheslept。IDIDlook，IDIDadvance；and，O
Heaven!Isawalampburning，Mrs。Jow。inanight—dress，withaverydarkbabyinherarms，andJulialookingtenderlyatanayah，whowasnursinganother。
"Oh，Mamma，"saidJulia，"whatwouldthatfoolGahagansayifheknewall？"
"HEDOESKNOWALL!"shoutedI，springingforward，andtearingdownthetattiesfromthewindow。Mrs。Jow。ranshriekingoutoftheroom，Juliafainted，thecursedblackchildrensqualled，andtheird—dnursefellonherknees，gabblingsomeinfernaljargonofHindustanee。OldJowleratthisjunctureenteredwithacandleandadrawnsword。
"Liar!scoundrel!deceiver!"shoutedI。"Turn，ruffian，anddefendyourself!"ButoldJowler，whenhesawme，onlywhistled，lookedathislifelessdaughter，andslowlylefttheroom。
Whycontinuethetale？IneednotnowaccountforJowler’sgloomonreceivinghislettersfromBenares——forhisexclamationuponthedeathoftheIndianchief——forhisdesiretomarryhisdaughter：
thewomanIwaswooingwasnolongerMissJuliaJowler，shewasMrs。ChowderLoll!
CHAPTERII：ALLYGHURANDLASWAREE
Isatdowntowritegravelyandsadly，for（sincetheappearanceofsomeofmyadventuresinamonthlymagazine）unprincipledmenhaveendeavouredtorobmeoftheonlygoodIpossess，toquestionthestatementsthatImake，and，themselveswithoutasparkofhonourorgoodfeeling，tostealfrommethatwhichismysolewealth——mycharacterasatellerofTHETRUTH。
ThereaderwillunderstandthatitistotheilliberalstricturesofaprofligatepressInowallude；amongtheLondonjournalists，none（luckilyforthemselves）havedaredtoquestiontheveracityofmystatements：theyknowme，andtheyknowthatIamINLONDON。
IfIcanusethepen，Icanalsowieldamoremanlyandterribleweapon，andwouldanswertheircontradictionswithmysword!Nogoldorgemsadornthehiltofthatwar—wornscimitar；butthereisbloodupontheblade——thebloodoftheenemiesofmycountry，andthemalignersofmyhonestfame。Thereareothers，however——thedisgraceofadisgracefultrade——who，borrowingfromdistanceadespicablecourage，haveventuredtoassailme。TheinfamouseditorsoftheKelsoChampion，theBungayBeacon，theTipperaryArgus，andtheStokePogisSentinel，andotherdastardlyorgansoftheprovincialpress，have，althoughdifferinginpolitics，agreeduponthisonepoint，and，withascoundrellyunanimity，ventedafloodofabuseupontherevelationsmadebyme。
TheysaythatIhaveassailedprivatecharacters，andwilfullypervertedhistorytoblackenthereputationofpublicmen。Iask，wasanyoneofthesemeninBengalintheyear1803？WasanysingleconductorofanyoneofthesepaltryprintseverinBundelcundortheRohillacountry？DoesthisEXQUISITETipperaryscribeknowthedifferencebetweenHurrygurrybangandBurrumtollah？
Nothe!andbecause，forsooth，inthosestrangeanddistantlandsstrangecircumstanceshavetakenplace，itisinsinuatedthattherelaterisaliar：nay，thattheveryplacesthemselveshavenoexistencebutinmyimagination。Fools!——butIwillnotwastemyangeruponthem，andproceedtorecountsomeotherportionsofmypersonalhistory。
Itis，Ipresume，afactwhichevenTHESEscribblingassassinswillnotventuretodeny，thatbeforethecommencementofthecampaignagainstScindiah，theEnglishGeneralformedacampatKanougeontheJumna，whereheexercisedthatbrilliantlittlearmywhichwasspeedilytoperformsuchwondersintheDooab。ItwillbeaswelltogiveaslightaccountofthecausesofawarwhichwasspeedilytoragethroughsomeofthefairestportionsoftheIndiancontinent。
ShahAllum，thesonofShahLollum，thedescendantbythefemalelineofNadirShah（thatcelebratedToorkomaunadventurer，whohadwell—nighhurledBajazetandSelimtheSecondfromthethroneofBagdad）——ShahAllum，Isay，althoughnominallytheEmperorofDelhi，wasinrealitytheslaveofthevariouswarlikechieftainswholordeditbyturnsoverthecountryandthesovereign，untilconqueredandslainbysomemoresuccessfulrebel。ChowderLollMasolgee，ZubberdustKhan，DowsuntRowScindiah，andthecelebratedBobbachyJungBahawder，hadheldforatimecompletemasteryinDelhi。Thesecondofthese，aruthlessAfghansoldier，hadabruptlyenteredthecapital；norwasheejectedfromituntilhehadseizedupontheprincipaljewels，andlikewiseputouttheeyesofthelastoftheunfortunatefamilyofAfrasiab。ScindiahcametotherescueofthesightlessShahAllum，andthoughhedestroyedhisoppressor，onlyincreasedhisslavery；holdinghiminaspainfulabondageashehadsufferedunderthetyrannousAfghan。
Aslongastheseheroeswerebattlingamongthemselves，oraslongratherasitappearedthattheyhadanystrengthtofightabattle，theBritishGovernment，everanxioustoseeitsenemiesbytheears，bynomeansinterferedinthecontest。ButtheFrenchRevolutionbrokeout，andahostofstarvingsans—culottesappearedamongthevariousIndianStates，seekingformilitaryservice，andinflamingthemindsofthevariousnativeprincesagainsttheBritishEastIndiaCompany。AnumberoftheseenteredintoScindiah’sranks：oneofthem，Perron，wascommanderofhisarmy；
andthoughthatchiefwasasyetquiteengagedinhishereditaryquarrelwithJeswuntRowHolkar，andneverthoughtofaninvasionoftheBritishterritory，theCompanyallofasuddendiscoveredthatShahAllum，hissovereign，wasshamefullyill—used，anddeterminedtore—establishtheancientsplendourofhisthrone。
OfcourseitwassheerbenevolenceforpoorShahAllumthatpromptedourgovernorstotakethesekindlymeasuresinhisfavour。
Idon’tknowhowithappenedthat，attheendofthewar，thepoorShahwasnotawhitbetteroffthanatthebeginning；andthatthoughHolkarwasbeaten，andScindiahannihilated，ShahAllumwasmuchsuchapuppetasbefore。Somehow，inthehurryandconfusionofthisstruggle，theoysterremainedwiththeBritishGovernment，whohadsokindlyofferedtodressitfortheEmperor，whileHisMajestywasobligedtobecontentedwiththeshell。
TheforceencampedatKanougeborethetitleoftheGrandArmyoftheGangesandtheJumna；itconsistedofelevenregimentsofcavalryandtwelvebattalionsofinfantry，andwascommandedbyGeneralLakeinperson。
Well，onthe1stofSeptemberwestormedPerron’scampatAllyghur；
onthefourthwetookthatfortressbyassault；andasmynamewasmentionedingeneralorders，ImayaswellquotetheCommander—in—
Chief’swordsregardingme——theywillsparemethetroubleofcomposingmyowneulogium：—
"TheCommander—in—ChiefisproudthuspubliclytodeclarehishighsenseofthegallantryofLieutenantGahagan，ofthe——Cavalry。
Inthestormingofthefortress，althoughunprovidedwithasingleladder，andaccompaniedbutbyafewbravemen，LieutenantGahagansucceededinescaladingtheinnerandfourteenthwalloftheplace。
Fourteenditcheslinedwithsword—bladesandpoisonedchevaux—de—
frise，fourteenwallsbristlingwithinnumerableartilleryandassmoothaslooking—glasses，wereinturntriumphantlypassedbythatenterprisingofficer。Hiscoursewastobetracedbytheheapsofslaughteredenemieslyingthickupontheplatforms；andalas!bythecorpsesofmostofthegallantmenwhofollowedhim!Whenatlengthheeffectedhislodgment，andthedastardlyenemy，whodarednottoconfronthimwitharms，letlooseuponhimthetigersandlionsofScindiah’smenagerie，thismeritoriousofficerdestroyed，withhisownhand，fourofthelargestandmostferociousanimals，andtherest，awedbytheindomitablemajestyofBRITISHVALOUR，shrankbacktotheirdens。ThomasHiggory，aprivate，andRuntyGoss，havildar，weretheonlytwowhoremainedoutoftheninehundredwhofollowedLieutenantGahagan。Honourtothem!Honourandtearsforthebravemenwhoperishedonthatawfulday!"
***
Ihavecopiedthis，wordforword，fromtheBengalHurkaruofSeptember24，1803：andanybodywhohastheslightestdoubtastothestatement，mayrefertothepaperitself。
AndhereImustpausetogivethankstoFortune，whichsomarvellouslypreservedme，Sergeant—MajorHiggory，andRuntyGoss。
WereItosaythatanyvalourofourshadcarriedusunhurtthroughthistremendouscombat，thereaderwouldlaughmetoscorn。No：
thoughmynarrativeisextraordinary，itisneverthelessauthentic：
andneverneverwouldIsacrificetruthforthemeresakeofeffect。Thefactisthis：—thecitadelofAllyghurissituateduponarock，aboutathousandfeetabovethelevelofthesea，andissurroundedbyfourteenwalls，ashisExcellencywasgoodenoughtoremarkinhisdespatch。Amanwhowouldmountthesewithoutscaling—ladders，isanass；hewhowouldSAYhemountedthemwithoutsuchassistance，isaliarandaknave。WeHADscaling—
laddersatthecommencementoftheassault，althoughitwasquiteimpossibletocarrythembeyondthefirstlineofbatteries。
Mountedonthem，however，asourtroopswerefallingthickaboutme，Isawthatwemustignominiouslyretreat，unlesssomeotherhelpcouldbefoundforourbravefellowstoescaladethenextwall。Itwasaboutseventyfeethigh。IinstantlyturnedthegunsofwallAonwallB，andpepperedthelattersoastomake，notabreach，butascalingplace；themenmountingintheholesmadebytheshot。Bythissimplestratagem，Imanagedtopasseachsuccessivebarrier——fortoascendawallwhichtheGeneralwaspleasedtocall"assmoothasglass"isanabsurdimpossibility：I
seektoachievenonesuch：—
"Idaredoallthatmaybecomeaman；
Whodaresdomore，isneithermorenorless。"
Ofcourse，hadtheenemy’sgunsbeencommonlywellserved，notoneofuswouldeverhavebeenaliveoutofthethree；butwhetheritwasowingtofright，ortotheexcessivesmokecausedbysomanypiecesofartillery，arrivewedid。Ontheplatforms，too，ourworkwasnotquitesodifficultasmightbeimagined——killingthesefellowswassheerbutchery。Assoonasweappeared，theyallturnedandfledhelter—skelter，andthereadermayjudgeoftheircouragebythefactthatoutofaboutsevenhundredmenkilledbyus，onlyfortyhadwoundsinfront，therestbeingbayonetedastheyran。
Andbeyondallotherpiecesofgoodfortunewastheverylettingoutofthesetigers；whichwasthedernierressortofBournonville，thesecondcommandantofthefort。Ihadobservedthisman（conspicuousforatricolouredscarfwhichhewore）uponeveryoneofthewallsaswestormedthem，andrunningawaytheveryfirstamongthefugitives。Hehadallthekeysofthegates；andinhistremor，asheopenedthemenagerieportal，leftthewholebunchinthedoor，whichIseizedwhentheanimalswereovercome。RuntyGossthenopenedthemonebyone，ourtroopsentered，andthevictoriousstandardofmycountryfloatedonthewallsofAllyghur!
WhentheGeneral，accompaniedbyhisstaff，enteredthelastlineoffortifications，thebraveoldmanraisedmefromthedeadrhinocerosonwhichIwasseated，andpressedmetohisbreast。
Buttheexcitementwhichhadbornemethroughthefatiguesandperilsofthatfearfuldayfailedallofasudden，andIweptlikeachilduponhisshoulder。
Promotion，inourarmy，goesunluckilybyseniority；norisitinthepoweroftheGeneral—in—ChieftoadvanceaCaesar，ifhefindshiminthecapacityofasubaltern：MYrewardfortheaboveexploitwas，therefore，notveryrich。HisExcellencyhadafavouritehornsnuff—box（for，thoughexaltedinstation，hewasinhishabitsmostsimple）：ofthis，andaboutaquarterofanounceofhigh—driedWelsh，whichhealwaystook，hemademeapresent，saying，infrontoftheline，"Acceptthis，Mr。Gahagan，asatokenofrespectfromthefirsttothebravestofficerinthearmy。"
Calculatingthesnufftobeworthahalfpenny，Ishouldsaythatfourpencewasaboutthevalueofthisgift：butithasatleastthisgoodeffect——itservestoconvinceanypersonwhodoubtsmystory，thatthefactsofitarereallytrue。Ihaveleftitattheofficeofmypublisher，alongwiththeextractfromtheBengalHurkaru，andanybodymayexaminebothbyapplyinginthecounting—
houseofMr。Cunningham。{3}Thatoncepopularexpression，orproverb，"Areyouuptosnuff？"aroseoutoftheabovecircumstance；fortheofficersofmycorps，noneofwhom，exceptmyself，hadventuredonthestormingparty，usedtotwitmeaboutthismodestrewardformylabours。Nevermind!whentheywantmetostormafortAGAIN，Ishallknowbetter。
Well，immediatelyafterthecaptureofthisimportantfortress，Perron，whohadbeenthelifeandsoulofScindiah’sarmy，cameintous，withhisfamilyandtreasure，andwaspassedovertotheFrenchsettlementsatChandernagur。Bourquientookhiscommand，andagainsthimwenowmoved。Themorningofthe11thofSeptemberfoundusupontheplainsofDelhi。
Itwasaburninghotday，andwewereallrefreshingourselvesafterthemorning’smarch，whenI，whowasontheadvancedpicketalongwithO’GawleroftheKing’sDragoons，wasmadeawareoftheenemy’sneighbourhoodinaverysingularmanner。O’GawlerandI
wereseatedunderalittlecanopyofhorse—cloths，whichwehadformedtoshelterusfromtheintolerableheatofthesun，andwerediscussingwithgreatdelightafewManillacheroots，andastonejarofthemostexquisite，cool，weak，refreshingsangaree。Wehadbeenplayingcardsthenightbefore，andO’Gawlerhadlosttomesevenhundredrupees。Iemptiedthelastofthesangareeintothetwopinttumblersoutofwhichweweredrinking，andholdingmineup，said，"Here’sbetterlucktoyounexttime，O’Gawler!"
AsIspokethewords——whish!——acannon—ballcutthetumblercleanoutofmyhand，andplumpedintopoorO’Gawler’sstomach。Itsettledhimcompletely，andofcourseInevergotmysevenhundredrupees。Sucharetheuncertaintiesofwar!
Tostraponmysabreandmyaccoutrements——tomountmyArabcharger——todrinkoffwhatO’Gawlerhadleftofthesangaree——andtogalloptotheGeneral，wastheworkofamoment。IfoundhimascomfortablyattiffinasifhewereathisownhouseinLondon。
"General，"saidI，assoonasIgotintohispaijamahs（ortent），"youmustleaveyourlunchifyouwanttofighttheenemy。"
"Theenemy——psha!Mr。Gahagan，theenemyisontheothersideoftheriver。"
"IcanonlytellyourExcellencythattheenemy’sgunswillhardlycarryfivemiles，andthatCornetO’Gawlerwasthismomentshotdeadatmysidewithacannon—ball。"
"Ha!isitso？"saidhisExcellency，rising，andlayingdownthedrumstickofagrilledchicken。"Gentlemen，rememberthattheeyesofEuropeareuponus，andfollowme!"
Eachaide—de—campstartedfromtableandseizedhiscockedhat；
eachBritishheartbeathighatthethoughtsofthecomingmelee。
Wemountedourhorses，andgallopedswiftlyafterthebraveoldGeneral；Inotthelastinthetrain，uponmyfamousblackcharger。
Itwasperfectlytrue，theenemywerepostedinforcewithinthreemilesofourcamp，andfromahillockintheadvancetowhichwegalloped，wewereenabledwithourtelescopestoseethewholeofhisimposingline。Nothingcanbetterdescribeitthanthis：—
___________________A
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/。
—Aistheenemy，andthedotsrepresentthehundredandtwentypiecesofartillerywhichdefendedhisline。Hewasmoreover，entrenched；andawidemorassinhisfrontgavehimanadditionalsecurity。
HisExcellencyforamomentsurveyedtheline，andthensaid，turningroundtooneofhisaides—de—camp，"OrderupMajor—GeneralTinklerandthecavalry。"
"HERE，doesyourExcellencymean？"saidtheaide—de—camp，surprised，fortheenemyhadperceivedus，andthecannon—ballswereflyingaboutasthickaspeas。
"HERE，SIR!"saidtheoldGeneral，stampingwithhisfootinapassion，andtheA。D。C。shruggedhisshouldersandgallopedaway。
Infiveminutesweheardthetrumpetsinourcamp，andintwentymorethegreaterpartofthecavalryhadjoinedus。
Uptheycame，fivethousandmen，theirstandardsflappingintheair，theirlonglineofpolishedjack—bootsgleaminginthegoldensunlight。"Andnowwearehere，"saidMajor—GeneralSirTheophilusTinkler，"whatnext？""Oh，d—it，"saidtheCommander—in—Chief，"charge，charge——nothinglikecharging——galloping——guns——rascallyblackscoundrels——charge，charge!"Andthenturningroundtome（perhapshewasgladtochangetheconversation），hesaid，"LieutenantGahagan，youwillstaywithme。"
AndwellforhimIdid，forIdonothesitatetosaythatthebattleWASGAINEDBYME。Idonotmeantoinsultthereaderbypretendingthatanypersonalexertionsofmineturnedtheday，——
thatIkilled，forinstance，aregimentofcavalryorswallowedabatteryofguns，——suchabsurdtaleswoulddisgraceboththehearerandtheteller。I，asiswellknown，neversayasinglewordwhichcannotbeproved，andhatemorethanallothervicestheabsurdsinofegotism：IsimplymeanthatmyADVICEtotheGeneral，ataquarter—pasttwoo’clockintheafternoonofthatday，wonthisgreattriumphfortheBritisharmy。
Gleig，Mill，andThornhavealltoldthetaleofthiswar，thoughsomehowtheyhaveomittedallmentionoftheheroofit。GeneralLake，forthevictoryofthatday，becameLordLakeofLaswaree。
Laswaree!andwho，forsooth，wastherealconquerorofLaswaree？I
canlaymyhanduponmyheartandsaythatIwas。Ifanyproofiswantingofthefact，letmegiveitatonce，andfromthehighestmilitarytestimonyintheworld——ImeanthatoftheEmperorNapoleon。
InthemonthofMarch，1817，Iwaspassengeronboardthe"PrinceRegent，"CaptainHarris，whichtouchedatSt。HelenaonitspassagefromCalcuttatoEngland。Incompanywiththeotherofficersonboardtheship，IpaidmyrespectstotheillustriousexileofLongwood，whoreceivedusinhisgarden，wherehewaswalkingabout，inanankeendressandalargebroad—brimmedstrawhat，withGeneralMontholon，CountLasCasas，andhissonEmanuel，thenalittleboy；whoIdaresaydoesnotrecollectme，butwhoneverthelessplayedwithmysword—knotandthetasselsofmyHessianbootsduringthewholeofourinterviewwithhisImperialMajesty。
Ournameswerereadout（inaprettyaccent，bytheway!）byGeneralMontholon，andtheEmperor，aseachwaspronounced，madeabowtotheownerofit，butdidnotvouchsafeaword。AtlastMontholoncametomine。TheEmperorlookedmeatonceintheface，tookhishandsoutofhispockets，putthembehindhisback，andcominguptomesmiling，pronouncedthefollowingwords：—
"Assaye，Delhi，Deeg，Futtyghur？"
Iblushed，and，takingoffmyhatwithabow，said，"Sire，c’estmoi。"
"Parbleu!jelesavaisbien，"saidtheEmperor，holdingouthissnuff—box。"Enusez—vous，Major？"Itookalargepinch（which，withthehonourofspeakingtosogreataman，broughtthetearsintomyeyes），andhecontinuedasnearlyaspossibleinthefollowingwords：—
"Sir，youareknown；youcomeofanheroicnation。Yourthirdbrother，theChefdeBataillon，CountGodfreyGahagan，wasinmyIrishBrigade。"
Gahagan。"Sire，itistrue。HeandmycountrymeninyourMajesty’sservicestoodunderthegreenflaginthebreachofBurgos，andbeatWellingtonback。Itwastheonlytime，asyourMajestyknows，thatIrishmenandEnglishmenwerebeateninthatwar。"
Napoleon（lookingasifhewouldsay，"D—yourcandour，MajorGahagan"）。"Well，well；itwasso。YourbrotherwasaCount，anddiedaGeneralinmyservice。"
Gahagan。"Hewasfoundlyinguponthebodiesofnine—and—twentyCossacksatBorodino。Theywerealldead，andboretheGahaganmark。"
Napoleon（toMontholon）。"C’estvrai，Montholon：jevousdonnemaparoled’honneurlaplussacree，quec’estvrai。Ilsnesontpasd’autres，cesterriblesGa’gans。YoumustknowthatMonsieurgainedthebattleofDelhiascertainlyasIdidthatofAusterlitz。Inthisway：—CebelitredeLorLake，aftercallinguphiscavalry，andplacingtheminfrontofHolkar’sbatteries，quibalayaientlaplaine，wasforchargingtheenemy’sbatterieswithhishorse，whowouldhavebeenecrases，mitrailles，foudroyestoamanbutforthecunningofcegrandroguequevousvoyez。"
Montholon。"CoquindeMajor，va!"
Napoleon。"Montholon!tais—toi。WhenLordLake，withhisgreatbull—headedEnglishobstinacy，sawthefacheusepositionintowhichhehadbroughthistroops，hewasfordyingonthespot，andwouldinfalliblyhavedoneso——andthelossofhisarmywouldhavebeentheruinoftheEastIndiaCompany——andtheruinoftheEnglishEastIndiaCompanywouldhaveestablishedmyEmpire（bah!itwasarepublicthen!）intheEast——butthatthemanbeforeus，LieutenantGoliahGahagan，wasridingatthesideofGeneralLake。"
Montholon（withanaccentofdespairandfury）。"Gredin!centmilletonnerresdeDieu!"
Napoleon（benignantly）。"Calme—toi，monfideleami。Whatwillyou？Itwasfate。Gahagan，atthecriticalperiodofthebattle，orratherslaughter（fortheEnglishhadnotslainamanoftheenemy），advisedaretreat。"
Montholon。"Lelache!UnFrancaismeurt，maisilnereculejamais。"
Napoleon。"Stupide!Don’tyouseewhytheretreatwasordered？——
don’tyouknowthatitwasafeintonthepartofGahagantodrawHolkarfromhisimpregnableentrenchments？Don’tyouknowthattheignorantIndianfellintothesnare，andissuingfrombehindthecoverofhisguns，camedownwithhiscavalryontheplainsinpursuitofLakeandhisdragoons？ThenitwasthattheEnglishmenturneduponhim；thehardychildrenoftheNorthsweptdownhisfeeblehorsemen，borethembacktotheirguns，whichwereuseless，enteredHolkar’sentrenchmentsalongwithhistroops，sabredtheartillerymenattheirpieces，andwonthebattleofDelhi!"
AstheEmperorspoke，hispalecheekglowedred，hiseyeflashedfire，hisdeepclearvoicerungasofoldwhenhepointedouttheenemyfrombeneaththeshadowofthePyramids，orralliedhisregimentstothechargeuponthedeath—strewnplainofWagram。I
havehadmanyaproudmomentinmylife，butneversuchaproudoneasthis；andIwouldreadilypardontheword"coward，"asappliedtomebyMontholon，inconsiderationofthetestimonywhichhismasterboreinmyfavour。
"Major，"saidtheEmperortomeinconclusion，"whyhadInotsuchamanasyouinmyservice？IwouldhavemadeyouaPrinceandaMarshal!"andherehefellintoareverie，ofwhichIknewandrespectedthepurport。Hewasthinking，doubtless，thatImighthaveretrievedhisfortunes；andindeedIhaveverylittledoubtthatImight。
Verysoonafter，coffeewasbroughtbyMonsieurMarchand，Napoleon’svalet—de—chambre，andafterpartakingofthatbeverage，andtalkinguponthepoliticsoftheday，theEmperorwithdrew，leavingmedeeplyimpressedbythecondescensionhehadshowninthisremarkableinterview。