Razumovranforwardunsteadily,withparted,voicelesslips。Theouterdoorstoodopen。Staggeringoutonthelanding,heleanedfaroverthebanister。Gazingdownintothedeepblackshaftwithatinyglimmeringflameatthebottom,hetracedbyeartherapidspiraldescentofsomebodyrunningdownthestairsontiptoe。Itwasalight,swift,patteringsound,whichsankawayfromhimintothedepths:afleetingshadowpassedovertheglimmer——awinkofthetinyflame。Thenstillness。
Razumovhungover,breathingthecoldrawairtaintedbytheevilsmellsoftheuncleanstaircase。Allquiet。
Hewentbackintohisroomslowly,shuttingthedoorsafterhim。
Thepeacefulsteadylightofhisreading—lampshoneonthewatch。
Razumovstoodlookingdownatthelittlewhitedial。Itwantedyetthreeminutestomidnight。Hetookthewatchintohishandfumblingly。
"Slow,"hemuttered,andastrangefitofnervelessnesscameoverhim。Hiskneesshook,thewatchandchainslippedthroughhisfingersinaninstantandfellonthefloor。Hewassostartledthathenearlyfellhimself。Whenatlastheregainedenoughconfidenceinhislimbstostoopforitheheldittohisearatonce。Afterawhilehegrowled——
"Stopped,"andpausedforquitealongtimebeforehemutteredsourly——
"It’sdone……Andnowtowork。"
Hesatdown,reachedhaphazardforabook,openeditinmiddleandbegantoread;butaftergoingconscientiouslyovertwolineshelosthisholdontheprintcompletelyanddidnottrytoregainit。Hethought——
"Therewastoacertaintyapoliceagentofsomesortwatchingthehouseacrossthestreet。"
Heimaginedhimlurkinginadarkgateway,goggle—eyed,muffledupinacloaktothenoseandwithaGeneral’splumed,cockedhatonhishead。Thisabsurditymadehimstartinthechairconvulsively。
Heliterallyhadtoshakehisheadviolentlytogetridofit。
Themanwouldbedisguisedperhapsasapeasant……abeggar……
Perhapshewouldbejustbuttonedupinadarkovercoatandcarryingaloadedstick——ashifty—eyedrascal,smellingofrawonionsandspirits。
Thisevocationbroughtonpositivenausea。"WhydoIwanttobotheraboutthis?"thoughtRazumovwithdisgust。"AmIagendarme?
Moreover,itisdone。"
Hegotupingreatagitation。Itwasnotdone。Notyet。Nottillhalf—pasttwelve。Andthewatchhadstopped。Thisreducedhimtodespair。Impossibletoknowthetime!Theandladyandallthepeopleacrossthelandingwereasleep。Howcouldhegoand……Godknowswhattheywouldimagine,orhowmuchtheywouldguess。Hedarednotgointothestreetstofindout。
"Iamasuspectnow。There’snouseshirkingthatfact,"hesaidtohimselfbitterly。IfHaldinfromsomecauseoranothergavethemtheslipand。failedtoturnupintheKarabelnayathepolicewouldbeinvadinghislodging。Andifhewerenotinhecouldneverclearhimself。Never。Razumovlookedwildlyaboutasifforsomemeansofseizingupontimewhichseemedtohaveescapedhimaltogether。Hehadnever,asfarashecouldremember,heardthestrikingofthattownclockinhisroomsbeforethisnight。
Andhewasnotevensurenowwhetherhehadhearditreallyonthisnight。
Hewenttothewindowandstoodtherewithslightlybentheadonthewatchforthefaintsound。’IwillstayheretillIhearsomething,"hesaidtohimself。Hestoodstill,hisearturnedtothepanes。Anatrociousachingnumbnesswithshootingpainsinhisbackandlegstorturedhim。Hedidnotbudge。Hismindhoveredonthebordersofdelirium。Heheardhimselfsuddenlysaying,"Iconfess,"asapersonmightdoontherack。"Iamontherack,"hethought。Hefeltreadytoswoon。Thefaintdeepboomofthedistantclockseemedtoexplodeinhishead——hehearditsoclearly……One!
IfHaldinhadnotturnedupthepolicewouldhavebeenalreadyhereransackingthehouse。Nosoundreachedhim。Thistimeitwasdone。
Hedraggedhimselfpainfullytothetableanddroppedintothechair。Heflungthebookawayandtookasquaresheetofpaper。
Itwaslikethepileofsheetscoveredwithhisneatminutehandwriting,onlyblank。Hetookapenbrusquelyanddippeditwithavaguenotionofgoingonwiththewritingofhisessay——buthispenremainedpoisedoverthesheet。Ithungthereforsometimebeforeitcamedownandformedlongscrawlyletters。
Still—facedandhislipssethard,Razumovbegantowrite。Whenhewrotealargehandhisneatwritinglostitscharacteraltogether——becameunsteady,almostchildish。Hewrotefivelinesoneundertheother。
HistorynotTheory。
PatriotismnotInternationalism。
EvolutionnotRevolution。
DirectionnotDestruction。
UnitynotDisruption。
Hegazedatthemdully。ThenhiseyesstrayedtothebedandreInajnedfixedthereforagoodmanyminutes,whilehisrighthandgropedalloverthetableforthepenknife。
Heroseatlast,andwalkingupwithmeasuredstepsstabbedthepaperwiththepenknifetothelathandplasterwallattheheadofthebed。Thisdonehesteppedbackapaceandflourishedhishandwithaglanceroundtheroom。
Afterthatheneverlookedagainatthebed。Hetookhisbigcloakdownfromitspegand,wrappinghimselfupclosely,wenttoliedownonthehardhorse—hairsofaattheothersideofhisroom。Aleadensleepclosedhiseyelidsatonce。SeveraltimesthatnighthewokeupshiveringfromadreamofwalkingthroughdriftsofsnowinaRussiawherehewasascompletelyaloneasanybetrayedautocratcouldbe;animmense,wintryRussiawhich,somehow,hisviewcouldembraceinallitsenormousexpanseasifitwereamap。Butaftereachshudderingstarthisheavyeyelidsfelloverhisglazedeyesandhesleptagain。
III
ApproachingthispartofMr。Razumov’sstory,mymind,thedecentmindofanoldteacheroflanguages,feelsmoreandmorethedifficultyofthetask。
Thetaskisnotintruththewritinginthenarrativeforma_precis_ofastrangehumandocument,buttherendering——I
perceiveitnowclearly——ofthemoralconditionsrulingoveralargeportionofthisearth’ssurface;conditionsnoteasilytobeunderstood,muchlessdiscoveredinthelimitsofastory,tillsomekey—wordisfound;awordthatcouldstandatthebackofallthewordscoveringthepages;awordwhich,ifnottruthitself,mayperchanceholdtruthenoughtohelpthemoraldiscoverywhichshouldbetheobjectofeverytale。
IturnoverforthehundredthtimetheleavesofMr。Razumov’srecord,Ilayitaside,Itakeupthepen——andthepenbeingreadyforitsofficeofsettingdownblackonwhiteIhesitate。Forthewordthatpersistsincreepingunderitspointisnootherwordthan"cynicism。"
ForthatisthemarkofRussianautocracyandofRussianrevolt。
Initsprideofnumbers,initsstrangepretensionsofsanctity,andinthesecretreadinesstoabaseitselfinsuffering,thespiritofRussiaisthespiritofcynicism。Itinformsthedeclarationsofherstatesmen,thetheoriesofherrevolutionists,andthemysticvaticinationsofprophetstothepointofmakingfreedomlooklikeaformofdebauch,andtheChristianvirtuesthemselvesappearactuallyindecent……
ButImustapologizeforthedigression。ItproceedsfromtheconsiderationofthecoursetakenbythestoryofMr。Razumovafterhisconservativeconvictions,dilutedinavagueliberalismnaturaltotheardourofhisage,hadbecomecrystallizedbytheshockofhiscontactwithHaldin。
Razumovwokeupforthetenthtimeperhapswithaheavyshiver。
Seeingthelightofdayinhiswindow,heresistedtheinclinationtolayhimselfdownagain。Hedidnotrememberanything,buthedidnotthinkitstrangetofindhimselfonthesofainhiscloakandchilledtothebone。Thelightcomingthroughthewindowseemedstrangelycheerless,containingnopromiseasthelightofeachnewdayshouldforayoungman。Itwastheawakeningofamanmortallyill,orofamanninetyyearsold。Helookedatthelampwhichhadburntitselfout。Itstoodthere,theextinguishedbeaconofhislabours,acoldobjectofbrassandporcelain,amongstthescatteredpagesofhisnotesandsmallpilesofbooks——amerelitterofblackenedpaper——deadmatter——withoutsignificanceorinterest。
Hegotonhisfeet,anddivestinghimselfofhiscloakhungitonthepeg,goingthroughallthemotionsmechanically。Anincredibledullness,aditch—waterstagnationwassensibletohisperceptionsasthoughlifehadwithdrawnitselffromallthingsandevenfromhisownthoughts。Therewasnotasoundinthehouse。
Turningawayfromthepeg,hethoughtinthatsamelifelessmannerthatitmustbeveryearlyyet;butwhenhelookedatthewatchonhistablehesawbothhandsarrestedattwelveo’clock。
"Ah!yes,"hemumbledtohimself,andasifbeginningtogetrousedalittlehetookasurveyofhisroom。Thepaperstabbedtothewallarrestedhisattention。Heeyeditfromthedistancewithoutapprovalorperplexity;butwhenheheardtheservant—girlbeginningtobustleaboutintheouterroomwiththe_samovar_forhismorningtea,hewalkeduptoitandtookitdownwithanairofprofoundindifference。
Whiledoingthisheglanceddownatthebedonwhichhehadnotsleptthatnight。ThehollowinthepillowmadebytheweightofHaldin’sheadwasverynoticeable。
Evenhisangeratthissignoftheman’spassagewasdull。Hedidnottrytonurseitintolife。Hedidnothingallthatday;
heneglectedeventobrushhishair。Theideaofgoingoutneveroccurredtohim——andifhedidnotstartaconnectedtrainofthoughtitwasnotbecausehewasunabletothink。Itwasbecausehewasnotinterestedenough。
Heyawnedfrequently。Hedranklargequantitiesoftea,hewalkedaboutaimlessly,andwhenhesatdownhedidnotbudgeforalongtime。Hespentsometimedrummingonthewindowwithhisfinger—tipsquietly。Inhislistlesswanderingsroundaboutthetablehecaughtsightofhisownfaceinthelooking—glassandthatarrestedhim。Theeyeswhichreturnedhisstarewerethemostunhappyeyeshehadeverseen。Andthiswasthefirstthingwhichdisturbedthementalstagnationofthatday。
Hewasnotaffectedpersonally。Hemerelythoughtthatlifewithouthappinessisimpossible。Whatwashappiness?Heyawnedandwentonshufflingaboutandaboutbetweenthewallsofhisroom。Lookingforwardwashappiness——that’sall——nothingmore。
Tolookforwardtothegratificationofsomedesire,tothegratificationofsomepassion,love,ambition,hate——hatetooindubitably。Loveandhate。Andtoescapethedangersofexistence,tolivewithoutfear,wasalsohappiness。Therewasnothingelse。Absenceoffear——lookingforward。"Oh!themiserablelotofhumanity!"heexclaimedmentally;andaddedatonceinhisthought,"Ioughttobehappyenoughasfarasthatgoes。"Buthewasnotexcitedbythatassurance。Onthecontrary,heyawnedagainashehadbeenyawningallday。Hewasmildlysurprisedtodiscoverhimselfbeingovertakenbynight。
Theroomgrewdarkswiftlythoughtimehadseemedtostandstill。
Howwasitthathehadnotnoticedthepassingofthatday?Ofcourse,itwasthewatchbeingstopped……
Hedidnotlighthislamp,butwentovertothebedandthrewhimselfonitwithoutanyhesitation。Lyingonhisback,heputhishandsunderhisheadandstaredupward。Afteramomenthethought,"Iamlyingherelikethatman。IwonderifhesleptwhileIwasstrugglingwiththeblizzardinthestreets。No,hedidnotsleep。ButwhyshouldInotsleep?"andhefeltthesilenceofthenightpressuponallhislimbslikeaweight。
Inthecalmofthehardfrostoutside,theclear—cutstrokesofthetownclockcountingoffmidnightpenetratedthequietnessofhissuspendedanimation。
Againhebegantothink。Itwastwenty—fourhourssincethatmanlefthisroom。RazumovhadadistinctfeelingthatHaldininthefortresswassleepingthatnight。ItwasacertitudewhichmadehimangrybecausehedidnotwanttothinkofHaldin,buthejustifiedittohimselfbyphysiologicalandpsychologicalreasons。Thefellowhadhardlysleptforweeksonhisownconfession,andnoweveryincertitudewasatanendforhim。Nodoubthewaslookingforwardtotheconsummationofhismartyrdom。Amanwhoresignshimselftokillneednotgoveryfarforresignationtodie。HaldinsleptperhapsmoresoundlythanGeneralT———,whosetask——wearyworktoo——wasnotdone,andoverwhoseheadhungtheswordofrevolutionaryvengeance。
Razumov,rememberingthethick—setmanwithhisheavyjowlrestingonthecollarofhisuniform,thechampionofautocracy,whohadletnosignofsurprise,incredulity,orjoyescapehim,butwhosegoggleeyescouldexpressamortalhatredofallrebellion——Razumovmoveduneasilyonthebed。
"Hesuspectedme,"hethought。"Isupposehemustsuspecteverybody。Hewouldbecapableofsuspectinghisownwife,ifHaldinhadgonetoherboudoirwithhisconfession。"
Razumovsatupinanguish。Washetoremainapoliticalsuspectallhisdays?Washetogothroughlifeasamannotwhollytobetrusted——withabadsecretpolicenotetackedontohisrecord?Whatsortoffuturecouldhelookforwardto?
"Iamnowasuspect,"hethoughtagain;butthehabitofreflectionandthatdesireofsafety,ofanorderedlife,whichwassostronginhimcametohisassistanceasthenightworeon。Hisquiet,steady,andlaboriousexistencewouldvouchatlengthforhisloyalty。Thereweremanypermittedwaystoserveone’scountry。Therewasanactivitythatmadeforprogresswithoutbeingrevolutionary。Thefieldofinfluencewasgreatandinfinitelyvaried——onceonehadconqueredaname。
Histhoughtlikeacirclingbirdrevertedafterfourand—twentyhourstothesilvermedal,andasitwerepoiseditselfthere。
Whenthedaybrokehehadnotslept,notforamoment,buthegotupnotverytiredandquitesufficientlyself—possessedforallpracticalpurposes。
Hewentoutandattendedthreelecturesinthemorning。Buttheworkinthelibrarywasameredumbshowofresearch。Hesatwithmanyvolumesopenbeforehimtryingtomakenotesandextracts。
Hisnewtranquillitywaslikeaflimsygarment,andseemedtofloatatthemercyofacasualword。Betrayal!Why!thefellowhaddoneallthatwasnecessarytobetrayhimself。Preciouslittlehadbeenneededtodeceivehim。
"Ihavesaidnowordtohimthatwasnotstrictlytrue。
Notoneword,"Razumovarguedwithhimself。
Onceengagedonthislineofthoughttherecouldbenoquestionofdoingusefulwork。Thesameideaswentonpassingthroughhismind,andhepronouncedmentallythesamewordsoverandoveragain。Heshutupallthebooksandrammedallhispapersintohispocketwithconvulsivemovements,raginginwardlyagainstHaldin。
Ashewasleavingthelibraryalongbonystudentinathreadbareovercoatjoinedhim,steppingmoodilybyhisside。Razumovansweredhismumbledgreetingwithoutlookingathimatall。
"Whatdoeshewantwithme?"hethoughtwithastrangedreadoftheunexpectedwhichhetriedtoshakeofflestitshouldfastenitselfuponhislifeforgoodandall。Andtheother,mutteringcautiouslywithdowncasteyes,supposedthathiscomradehadseenthenewsofdeP———’sexecutioner——thatwastheexpressionheused——havingbeenarrestedthenightbeforelast……
"I’vebeenill——shutupinmyrooms,"Razumovmumbledthroughhisteeth。
Thetallstudent,raisinghisshoulders,shovedhishandsdeepintohispockets。Hehadahairless,square,tallowychinwhichtrembledslightlyashespoke,andhisnosenippedbrightredbythesharpairlookedlikeafalsenoseofpaintedcardboardbetweenthesallowcheeks。Hiswholeappearancewasstampedwiththemarkofcoldandhunger。HestalkeddeliberatelyatRazumov’selbowwithhiseyesontheground。
"It’sanofficialstatement,"hecontinuedinthesamecautiousmutter。"Itmaybealie。ButtherewassomebodyarrestedbetweenmidnightandoneinthemorningonTuesday。
Thisiscertain。"
Andtalkingrapidlyunderthecoverofhisdowncastair,hetoldRazumovthatthiswasknownthroughaninferiorGovernmentclerkemployedattheCentralSecretariat。Thatmanbelongedtooneoftherevolutionarycircles。"Thesame,infact,Iamaffiliatedto,"remarkedthestudent。
Theywerecrossingawidequadrangle。AninfinitedistresspossessedRazumov,annihilatedhisenergy,andbeforehiseyeseverythingappearedconfusedandasifevanescent。Hedarednotleavethefellowthere。"Hemaybeaffiliatedtothepolice,"
wasthethoughtthatpassedthroughhismind。"Whocouldtell?"
Buteyeingthemiserablefrost—nipped,famine—struckfigureofhiscompanionheperceivedtheabsurdityofhissuspicion。
"ButI——youknow——Idon’tbelongtoanycircle。I……"
Hedarednotsayanymore。Neitherdaredhemendhispace。Theother,raisingandsettingdownhislamentablyshodfeetwithexactdeliberation,protestedinalowtonethatitwasnotnecessaryforeverybodytobelongtoanorganization。Themostvaluablepersonalitiesremainedoutside。Someofthebestworkwasdoneoutsidetheorganization。Thenveryfast,withwhispering,feverishlips——
"ThemanarrestedinthestreetwasHaldin。"
AndacceptingRazumov’sdismayedsilenceasnaturalenough,heassuredhimthattherewasnomistake。ThatGovernmentclerkwasonnightdutyattheSecretariat。Hearingagreatnoiseoffootstepsinthehallandawarethatpoliticalprisonerswerebroughtoversometimesatnightfromthefortress,heopenedthedooroftheroominwhichhewasworking,suddenly。Beforethegendarmeondutycouldpushhimbackandslamthedoorinhisface,hehadseenaprisonerbeingpartlycarried,partlydraggedalongthehallbyalotofpolicemen。Hewasbeingusedverybrutally。AndtheclerkhadrecognizedHaldinperfectly。LessthanhalfanhourafterwardsGeneralT——arrivedattheSecretariattoexaminethatprisonerpersonally。
"Aren’tyouastonished?"concludedthegauntstudent。
"No,"saidRazumovroughly——andatonceregrettedhisanswer。
"EverybodysupposedHaldinwasintheprovinces——withhispeople。Didn’tyou?"
ThestudentturnedhisbigholloweyesuponRazumov,whosaidunguardedly——
"Hispeopleareabroad。"
Hecouldhavebittenhistongueoutwithvexation。
Thestudentpronouncedinatoneofprofoundmeaning——
"So!Youalonewereaware……"andstopped。
"Theyhaveswornmyruin,"thoughtRazumov。"HaveYouspokenofthistoanyoneelse?"heaskedwithbittercuriosity。
Theothershookhishead。
"No,onlytoyou。OurcirclethoughtthatasHaldinhadbeenoftenheardexpressingawarmappreciationofyourcharacter……"
Razumovcouldnotrestrainagestureofangrydespairwhichtheothermusthavemisunderstoodinsomeway,becauseheceasedspeakingandturnedawayhisblack,lack—lustreeyes。
Theymovedsidebysideinsilence。Thenthegauntstudentbegantowhisperagain,withavertedgaze——
"Aswehaveatpresentnooneaffiliatedinsidethefortresssoastomakeitpossibletofurnishhimwithapacketofpoison,wehaveconsideredalreadysomesortofretaliatoryaction——tofollowverysoon……"
Razumovtrudgingoninterrupted——
"WereyouacquaintedwithHaldin?Didheknowwhereyoulive?"
"Ihadthehappinesstohearhimspeaktwice,"hiscompanionansweredinthefeverishwhispercontrastingwiththegloomyapathyofhisfaceandbearing。"HedidnotknowwhereIlive……Iamlodgingpoorlywithanartisanfamily……
Ihavejustacornerinaroom。Itisnotverypracticabletoseemethere,butifyoushouldneedmeforanythingIamready……
Razumovtrembledwithrageandfear。Hewasbesidehimself,butkepthisvoicelow。
"Youarenottocomenearme。Youarenottospeaktome。Neveraddressasinglewordtome。Iforbidyou。"
"Verywell,"saidtheothersubmissively,showingnosurprisewhateveratthisabruptprohibition。"Youdon’twishforsecretreasons……perfectly……Iunderstand。"
Heedgedawayatonce,notlookingupeven;andRazumovsawhisgaunt,shabby,famine—strickenfigurecrossthestreetobliquelywithloweredheadandthatpeculiarexactmotionofthefeet。
Hewatchedhimasonewouldwatchavisionoutofanightmare,thenhecontinuedonhisway,tryingnottothink。Onhislandingthelandladyseemedtobewaitingforhim。Shewasashort,thick,shapelesswomanwithalargeyellowfacewrappedupeverlastinglyinablackwoollenshawl。Whenshesawhimcomeupthelastflightofstairssheflungbothherarmsupexcitedly,thenclaspedherhandsbeforeherface。
"KiryloSidorovitch——littlefather——whathaveyoubeendoing?
Andsuchaquietyoungman,too!Thepolicearejustgonethismomentaftersearchingyourrooms。"
Razumovgazeddownatherwithsilent,scrutinizingattention。
Herpuffyyellowcountenancewasworkingwithemotion。Shescreweduphereyesathimentreatingly。
"Suchasensibleyoungman!Anybodycanseeyouaresensible。
Andnow——likethis——allatonce……WhatisthegoodofmixingyourselfupwiththeseNihilists?Dogiveover,littlefather。
Theyareunluckypeople。"
Razumovmovedhisshouldersslightly。
"Orisitthatsomesecretenemyhasbeencalumniatingyou,KiryloSidorovitch?Theworldisfullofblackheartsandfalsedenunciationsnowadays。Thereismuchfearabout。"
"HaveyouheardthatIhavebeendenouncedbysomeone?"
askedRazumov,withouttakinghiseyesoffherquiveringface。
Butshehadnotheardanything。Shehadtriedtofindoutbyaskingthepolicecaptainwhilehismenwereturningtheroomupsidedown。Thepolicecaptainofthedistricthadknownherforthelastelevenyearsandwasahumaneperson。Buthesaidtoheronthelanding,lookingveryblackandvexed——
"Mygoodwoman,donotaskquestions。Idon’tknowanythingmyself。Theordercomesfromhigherquarters。"
Andindeedtherehadappeared,shortlyafterthearrivalofthepolicemenofthedistrict,averysuperiorgentlemaninafurcoatandashinyhat,whosatdownintheroomandlookedthroughallthepapershimself。Hecamealoneandwentawaybyhimself,takingnothingwithhim。Shehadbeentryingtoputthingsstraightalittlesincetheyleft。
Razumovturnedawaybrusquelyandenteredhisrooms。
Allhisbookshadbeenshakenandthrownonthefloor。Hislandladyfollowedhim,andstoopingpainfullybegantopickthemupintoherapron。Hispapersandnoteswhichwerekeptalwaysneatlysorted(theyallrelatedtohisstudies)hadbeenshuffledupandheapedtogetherintoaraggedpileinthemiddleofthetable。
ThisdisorderaffectecIhimprofoundly,unreasonably。Hesatdownandstared。Hehadadistinctsensationofhisveryexistencebeingunderminedinsomemysteriousmanner,ofhismoralsupportsfallingawayfromhimonebyone。Heevenexperiencedaslightphysicalgiddinessandmadeamovementasiftoreachforsomethingtosteadyhimselfwith。
Theoldwoman,risingtoherfeetwithalowgroan,shotallthebooksshehadcollectedinherapronontothesofaandlefttheroommutteringandsighing。
Itwasonlythenthathenoticedthatthesheetofpaperwhichforonenighthadremainedstabbedtothewallabovehisemptybedwaslyingontopofthepile。
Whenhehadtakenitdownthedaybeforehehadfoldeditinfour,absent—mindedly,beforedroppingitonthetable。Andnowhesawitlyinguppermost,spreadout,smoothedoutevenandcoveringalltheconfusedpileofpages,therecordofhisintellectuallifeforthelastthreeyears。Ithadnotbeenflungthere。Ithadbeenplacedthere——smoothedout,too!Heguessedinthatanintentionofprofoundmeaning——orperhapssomeinexplicablemockery。
Hesatstaringatthepieceofpapertillhiseyesbegantosmart。Hedidnotattempttoputhispapersinorder,eitherthateveningorthenextday——whichhespentathomeinastateofpeculiarirresolution。ThisirresoIutionboreuponthequestionwhetherheshouldcontinuetolive——neithermorenorless。Butitsnaturewasveryfarremovedfromthehesitationofamancontemplatingsuicide。TheideaoflayingviolenthandsuponhisbodydidnotoccurtoRazumov。Theunrelatedorganismbearingthatlabel,walking,breathing,wearingtheseclothes,wasofnoimportancetoanyone,unlessmaybetothelandlady。
ThetrueRazumovhadhisbeinginthewilled,inthedeterminedfuture——inthatfuturemenacedbythelawlessnessofautocracy——forautocracyknowsnolaw——andthelawlessnessofrevolution。Thefeelingthathismoralpersonalitywasatthemercyoftheselawlessforceswassostrongthatheaskedhimselfseriouslyifitwereworthwhiletogoonaccomplishingthementalfunctionsofthatexistencewhichseemednolongerhisown。
"Whatisthegoodofexertingmyintelligence,ofpursuingthesystematicdevelopmentofmyfacultiesandallmyplansofwork?"
heaskedhimself。"Iwanttoguidemyconductbyreasonableconvictions,butwhatsecurityhaveIagainstsomething——somedestructivehorror——
walkinginuponmeasIsithere?……
Razumovlookedapprehensivelytowardsthedooroftheouterroomasifexpectingsomeshapeofeviltoturnthehandleandappearbeforehimsilently。
"Acommonthief,"hesaidtohimself,"findsmoreguaranteesinthelawheisbreaking,andevenabrutelikeZiemianitchhashisconsolation。"Razumovenviedthematerialismofthethiefandthepassionoftheincorrigiblelover。Theconsequencesoftheiractionswerealwaysclearandtheirlivesremainedtheirown。
ButhesleptassoundlythatnightasthoughhehadbeenconsolinghimselfinthemannerofZiemianitch。Hedroppedoffsuddenly,laylikealog,rememberednodreamonwaking。Butitwasasifhissoulhadgoneoutinthenighttogathertheflowersofwrathfulwisdom。Hegotupinamoodofgrimdeterminationandasifwithanewknowledgeofhisownnature。
Helookedmockinglyontheheapofpapersonhistable;andlefthisroomtoattendthelectures,mutteringtohimself,"Weshallsee。"
Hewasinnohumourtotalktoanybodyorhearhimselfquestionedastohisabsencefromlecturesthedaybefore。Butitwasdifficulttorepulserudelyaverygoodcomradewithasmoothpinkfaceandfairhair,bearingthenicknameamongsthisfellow—studentsof"MadcapKostia。"HewastheidolizedonlysonofaverywealthyandilliterateGovernmentcontractor,andattendedthelecturesonlyduringtheperiodicalfitsofcontritionfollowingupontearfulpaternalremonstrances。
Noisilyblunderinglikearetrieverpuppy,hiselatedvoiceandgreatgesturesfilledthebareacademycorridorswiththejoyofthoughtlessanimallife,provokingindulgentsmilesatagreatdistance。Hisusualdiscoursestreatedoftrottinghorses,wine—partiesinexpensiverestaurants,andthemeritsofpersonsofeasyvirtue,withadisarmingartlessnessofoutlook。HepounceduponRazumovaboutmidday,somewhatlessuproariouslythanhishabitwas,andledhimaside。
"Justamoment,KiryloSidorovitch。Afewwordshereinthisquietcorner。"
HefeltRazumov’sreluctance,andinsinuatedhishandunderhisarmcaressingly。
"No——praydo。Idon’twanttotalktoyouaboutanyofmysillyscrapes。Whataremyscrapes?Absolutelynothing。Merechildishness。TheothernightIflungafellowoutofacertainplacewhereIwashavingafairlygoodtime。Atyrannicallittlebeastofaquill—driverfromtheTreasurydepartment。Hewasbullyingthepeopleofthehouse。Irebukedhim。’YouarenotbehavinghumanelytoGod’screaturesthatareajollysightmoreestimablethanyourself,’Isaid。Ican’tbeartoseeanytyranny,KiryloSidorovitch。UponmywordIcan’t。Hedidn’ttakeitingoodpartatall。’Who’sthatimpudentpuppy?’
hebeginstoshout。Iwasinexcellentformasithappened,andhewentthroughtheclosedwindowverysuddenly。Heflewquitealongwayintotheyard。Iragedlike——likea——minotaur。
Thewomenclungtomeandscreamed,thefiddlersgotunderthetable……Suchfun!Mydadhadtoputhishandprettydeepintohispocket,Icantellyou。"Hechuckled。
"Mydadisaveryusefulman。Jollygoodthingitisforme,too。
Idogetintounholyscrapes。"
Hiselationfell。Thatwasjustit。Whatwashislife?
Insignificant;nogoodtoanyone;amerefestivity。Itwouldendsomefinedayinhisgettinghisskullsplitwithachampagnebottleinadrunkenbrawl。Atsuchtimes,too,whenmenweresacrificingthemselvestoideas。Buthecouldnevergetanyideasintohishead。Hisheadwasn’tworthanythingbetterthantobesplitbyachampagnebottle。
Razumov,protestingthathehadnotime,madeanattempttogetaway。Theother’stonechangedtoconfidentialearnestness。
"ForGod’ssake,Kirylo,mydearsoul,letmemakesomesortofsacrifice。Itwouldnotbeasacrificereally。Ihavemyrichdadbehindme。There’spositivelynogettingtothebottomofhispocket。"
AndrejectingindignantlyRazumov’ssuggestionthatthiswasdrunkenraving,heofferedtolendhimsomemoneytoescapeabroadwith。Hecouldalwaysgetmoneyfromhisdad。Hehadonlytosaythathehadlostitatcardsorsomethingofthatsort,andatthesametimepromisesolemnlynottomissasinglelectureforthreemonthsonend。Thatwouldfetchtheoldman;
andhe,Kostia,wasquiteequaltothesacrifice。Thoughhereallydidnotseewhatwasthegoodforhimtoattendthelectures。Itwasperfectlyhopeless。
"Won’tyouletmebeofsomeuse?"hepleadedtothesilentRazumov,whowithhiseyesonthegroundandutterlyunabletopenetratetherealdriftoftheother’sintention,feltastrangereluctancetoclearupthepoint。
"WhatmakesyouthinkIwanttogoabroad?"heaskedatlastveryquietly。
Kostialoweredhisvoice。
"Youhadthepoliceinyourroomsyesterday。Therearethreeorfourofuswhohaveheardofthat。Nevermindhowweknow。Itissufficientthatwedo。Sowehavebeenconsultingtogether。"
"Ah!Yougottoknowthatsosoon,"mutteredRazumovnegligently。
"Yes。Wedid。Anditstruckusthatamanlikeyou……"
"Whatsortofamandoyoutakemetobe?"Razumovinterruptedhim。
"Amanofideas——andamanofactiontoo。Butyouareverydeep,Kirylo。There’snogettingtothebottomofyourmind。Notforfellowslikeme。Butweallagreedthatyoumustbepreservedforourcountry。Ofthatwehavenodoubtwhatever——ImeanallofuswhohaveheardHaldinspeakofyouoncertainoccasions。
Amandoesn’tgetthepoliceransackinghisroomswithouttherebeingsomedevilryhangingoverhishead……Andsoifyouthinkthatitwouldbebetterforyoutoboltatonce……"
Razumovtorehimselfawayandwalkeddownthecorridor,leavingtheothermotionlesswithhismouthopen。ButalmostatoncehereturnedandstoodbeforetheamazedKostia,whoshuthismouthslowly。Razumovlookedhimstraightintheeyes,beforesayingwithmarkeddeliberationandseparatinghiswords——
"Ithank——you——very——much。"
Hewentawayagainrapidly。Kostia,recoveringfromhissurpriseatthesemanoeuvres,ranupbehindhimpressingly。
"No!Wait!Listen。Ireallymeanit。Itwouldbelikegivingyourcompassiontoastarvingfellow。Doyouhear,Kirylo?Andanydisguiseyoumaythinkof,thattooIcouldprocurefromacostumier,aJewIknow。Letafoolbemadeserviceableaccordingtohisfolly。Perhapsalsoafalsebeardorsomethingofthatkindmaybeneeded。
Razumovturnedatbay。
"Therearenofalsebeardsneededinthisbusiness,Kostia——yougood—heartedlunatic,you。Whatdoyouknowofmyideas?Myideasmaybepoisontoyou。"Theotherbegantoshakehisheadinenergeticprotest。
"Whathaveyougottodowithideas?Someofthemwouldmakeanendofyourdad’smoney—bags。Leaveoffmeddlingwithwhatyoudon’tunderstand。Gobacktoyourtrottinghorsesandyourgirls,andthenyou’llbesureatleastofdoingnoharmtoanybody,andhardlyanytoyourself。"
Theenthusiasticyouthwasovercomebythisdisdain。
"You’resendingmebacktomypig’strough,Kirylo。Thatsettlesit。Iamanunluckybeast——andIshalldielikeabeasttoo。
Butmind——it’syourcontemptthathasdoneforme。"
Razumovwentoffwithlongstrides。Thatthissimpleandgrosslyfestivesoulshouldhavefallentooundertherevolutionarycurseaffectedhimasanominoussymptomofthetime。Hereproachedhimselfforfeelingtroubled。Personallyheoughttohavefeltreassured。Therewasanobviousadvantageinthisconspiracyofmistakenjudgmenttakinghimforwhathewasnot。Butwasitnotstrange?
AgainheexperiencedthatsensationofhisconductbeingtakenoutofhishandsbyHaldin’srevolutionarytyranny。Hissolitaryandlaboriousexistencehadbeendestroyed——theonlythinghecouldcallhisownonthisearth。Bywhatright?heaskedhimselffuriously。Inwhatname?
Whatinfuriatedhimmostwastofeelthatthe"thinkers"oftheUniversitywereevidentlyconnectinghimwithHaldin——asasortofconfidantinthebackgroundapparently。Amysteriousconnexion!
Haha!……Hehadbeenmadeapersonagewithoutknowinganythingaboutit。HowthatwretchHaldinmusthavetalkedabouthim!
YetitwaslikelythatHaldinhadsaidverylittle。Thefellow’scasualutteranceswerecaughtupandtreasuredandponderedoverbyalltheseimbeciles。Andwasnotallsecretrevolutionaryactionbaseduponfolly,self—deception,andlies?
"Impossibletothinkofanythingelse,"mutteredRazumovtohimself。"I’llbecomeanidiotifthisgoeson。Thescoundrelsandthefoolsaremurderingmyintelligence。"
Helostallhopeofsavinghisfuture,whichdependedonthefreeuseofhisintelligence。
Hereachedthedoorwayofhishouseinastateofmentaldiscouragementwhichenabledhimtoreceivewithapparentindifferenceanofficial—lookingenvelopefromthedirtyhandofthedvornik。
"Agendarmebroughtit,"saidtheman。"Heaskedifyouwereathome。Itoldhim’No,he’snotathome。’Soheleftit。
’Giveitintohisownhands,’sayshe。Nowyou’vegotit——eh?"
Hewentbacktohissweeping,andRazumovclimbedhisstairs,envelopeinhand。Onceinhisroomhedidnothastentoopenit。
Ofcoursethisofficialmissivewasfromthesuperiordirectionofthepolice。Asuspect!Asuspect!
Hestaredindrearyastonishmentattheabsurdityofhisposition。Hethoughtwithasortofdry,unemotionalmelancholy;
threeyearsofgoodworkgone,thecourseoffortymoreperhapsjeopardized——turnedfromhopetoterror,becauseeventsstartedbyhumanfollylinkthemselvesintoasequencewhichnosagacitycanforeseeandnocouragecanbreakthrough。Fatalityentersyourroomswhileyourlandlady’sbackisturned;youcomehomeandfinditinpossessionbearingaman’sname,clothedinflesh——wearingabrownclothcoatandlongboots——loungingagainstthestove。Itasksyou,"Istheouterdoorclosed?"——andyoudon’tknowenoughtotakeitbythethroatandflingitdownstairs。Youdon’tknow。Youwelcomethecrazyfate。"Sitdown,"yousay。Anditisallover。Youcannotshakeitoffanymore。Itwillclingtoyouforever。Neitherhalternorbulletcangiveyoubackthefreedomofyourlifeandthesanityofyourthought……Itwasenoughtodashone’sheadagainstawall。
Razumovlookedslowlyallroundthewallsasiftoselectaspottodashhisheadagainst。Thenheopenedtheletter。ItdirectedthestudentKiryloSidorovitchRazumovtopresenthimselfwithoutdelayattheGeneralSecretariat。
RazumovhadavisionofGeneralT———’sgoggleeyeswaitingforhim——theembodiedpowerofautocracy,grotesqueandterrible。Heembodiedthewholepowerofautocracybecausehewasitsguardian。Hewastheincarnatesuspicion,theincarnateanger,theincarnateruthlessnessofapoliticalandsocialregimeonitsdefence。Heloathedrebellionbyinstinct。AndRazumovreflectedthatthemanwassimplyunabletounderstandareasonableadherencetothedoctrineofabsolutism。
"Whatcanhewantwithmeprecisely——Iwonder?"heaskedhimself。
Asifthatmentalquestionhadevokedthefamiliarphantom,Haldinstoodsuddenlybeforehimintheroomwithanextraordinarycompletenessofdetail。Thoughtheshortwinterdayhadpassedalreadyintothesinistertwilightofalandburiedinsnow,RazumovsawplainlythenarrowleatherstraproundtheTcherkesscoat。Theillusionofthathatefulpresencewassoperfectthathehalfexpectedittoask,"Istheouterdoorclosed?"Helookedatitwithhatredandcontempt。Soulsdonottakeashapeofclothing。Moreover,Haldincouldnotbedeadyet。Razumovsteppedforwardmenacingly;thevisionvanished——andturningshortonhisheelhewalkedoutofhisroomwithinfinitedisdain。
ButaftergoingdownthefirstflightofstairsitoccurredtohimthatperhapsthesuperiorauthoritiesofpolicemeanttoconfronthimwithHaldinintheflesh。Thisthoughtstruckhimlikeabullet,andhadhenotclungwithbothhandstothebanisterhewouldhaverolleddowntothenextlandingmostlikely。Hislegswereofnouseforaconsiderabletime……
Butwhy?Forwhatconceivablereason?Towhatend?
Therecouldbenorationalanswertothesequestions;butRazumovrememberedthepromisemadebytheGeneraltoPrinceK———。Hisactionwastoremainunknown。
Hegotdowntothebottomofthestairs,loweringhimselfasitwerefromsteptostep,bythebanister。Underthegateheregainedmuchofhisfirmnessofthoughtandlimb。Hewentoutintothestreetwithoutstaggeringvisibly。Everymomenthefeltsteadiermentally。AndyethewassayingtohimselfthatGeneralT———wasperfectlycapableofshuttinghimupinthefortressforanindefinitetime。Histemperamentfittedhisremorselesstask,andhisomnipotencemadehiminaccessibletoreasonableargument。
ButwhenRazumovarrivedattheSecretariathediscoveredthathewouldhavenothingtodowithGeneralT———。ItisevidentfromMr。Razumov’sdiarythatthisdreadedpersonalitywastoremaininthebackground。Acivilianofsuperiorrankreceivedhiminaprivateroomafteraperiodofwaitinginouterofficeswherealotofscribblingwentonatmanytablesinaheatedandstuffyatmosphere。
Theclerkinuniformwhoconductedhimsaidinthecorridor——
"YouaregoingbeforeGregorMatvieitchMikulin。"
Therewasnothingformidableaboutthemanbearingthatname。
Hismild,expectantglancewasturnedonthedooralreadywhenRazumoventered。Atonce,withthepenholderhewasholdinginhishand,hepointedtoadeepsofabetweentwowindows。HefollowedRazumovwithhiseyeswhilethatlastcrossedtheroomandsatdown。Themildgazerestedonhim,notcurious,notinquisitive——certainlynotsuspicious——almostwithoutexpression。
Initspassionlesspersistencetherewassomethingresemblingsympathy。
Razumov,whohadpreparedhiswillandhisintelligencetoencounterGeneralT———himself,wasprofoundlytroubled。Allthemoralbracingupagainstthepossibleexcessesofpowerandpassionwentfornothingbeforethissallowman,whoworeafullunclippedbeard。Itwasfair,thin,andveryfine。Thelightfellincopperygleamsontheprotuberancesofahigh,ruggedforehead。Andtheaspectofthebroad,softphysiognomywassohomelyandrusticthatthecarefulmiddlepartingofthehairseemedapretentiousaffectation。
ThediaryofMr。Razumovtestifiestosomeirritationonhispart。ImayremarkherethatthediaryproperconsistingofthemoreorlessdailyentriesseemstohavebeenbegunonthatveryeveningafterMr。Razumovhadreturnedhome。
Mr。Razumov,then,wasirritated。Hisstrung—upindividualityhadgonetopieceswithinhimverysuddenly。
"Imustbeveryprudentwithhim,"hewarnedhimselfinthesilenceduringwhichtheysatgazingateachother。Itlastedsomelittletime,andwascharacterized(forsilenceshavetheircharacter)byasortofsadnessimpartedtoitperhapsbythemildandthoughtfulmannerofthebeardedofficial。RazumovlearnedlaterthathewasthechiefofadepartmentintheGeneralSecretariat,witharankinthecivilserviceequivalenttothatofacolonelinthearmy。
Razumov’smistrustbecameacute。Themainpointwas,nottobedrawnintosayingtoomuch。Hehadbeencalledthereforsomereason。Whatreason?Tobegiventounderstandthathewasasuspect——andalsonodoubttobepumped。Astowhatprecisely?
Therewasnothing。OrperhapsHaldinhadbeentellinglies……
EveryalarminguncertaintybesetRazumov。Hecouldbearthesilencenolonger,andcursinghimselfforhisweaknessspokefirst,thoughhehadpromisedhimselfnottodosoonanyaccount。
"Ihaven’tlostamoment’stime,"hebeganinahoarse,provokingtone;andthenthefacultyofspeechseemedtoleavehimandenterthebodyofCouncillorMikulin,whochimedinapprovingly——
"Veryproper。Veryproper。Thoughasamatteroffact……
Butthespellwasbroken,andRazumovinterruptedhimboldly,underasuddenconvictionthatthiswasthesafestattitudetotake。Withagreatflowofwordshecomplainedofbeingtotallymisunderstood。Evenashetalkedwithaperceptionofhisownaudacityhethoughtthattheword"misunderstood"wasbetterthantheword"mistrusted,"andherepeateditagainwithinsistence。
Suddenlyheceased,beingseizedwithfrightbeforetheattentiveimmobilityoftheofficial。"WhatamItalkingabout?"hethought,eyeinghimwithavaguegaze。Mistrusted——notmisunderstood——wastherightsymbolforthesepeople。
Misunderstoodwastheotherkindofcurse。BothhadbeenbroughtonhisheadbythatfellowHaldin。Andhisheadachedterribly。
Hepassedhishandoverhisbrow——aninvoluntarygestureofsuffering,whichhewastoocarelesstorestrain。