Theministerfollowed,smiling,andnotunpleasantlyexcitedbythewarofelements;for,bydintofhardworkthroughthelongsummer’sday,thegreaterpartofthehaywassafelyhousedinthebarninthefield。OnceortwiceinthesucceedingbustleIcameacrossPhillis,alwaysbusy,and,asitseemedtome,alwaysdoingtherightthing。WhenIwasaloneinmyownroomatnightIallowedmyselftofeelrelieved;andtobelievethattheworstwasover,andwasnotsoverybadafterall。Butthesucceedingdayswereverymiserable。SometimesIthoughtitmustbemyfancythatfalselyrepresentedPhillistomeasstrangelychanged,forsurely,ifthisideaofminewaswell-founded,herparents——herfatherandmother——herownfleshandblood——wouldhavebeenthefirsttoperceiveit。Yettheywentonintheirhouseholdpeaceandcontent;ifanything,alittlemorecheerfullythanusual,forthe’harvestofthefirst-fruits’,astheministercalledit,hadbeenmorebounteousthanusual,andtherewasplentyallaroundinwhichthehumblestlabourerwasmadetoshare。Aftertheonethunderstorm,cameoneortwolovelyserenesummerdays,duringwhichthehaywasallcarried;andthensucceededlongsoftrainsfillingtheearsofcorn,andcausingthemowngrasstospringafresh。Theministerallowedhimselfafewmorehoursofrelaxationandhomeenjoymentthanusualduringthiswetspell:hardearth-boundfrostwashiswinterholiday;thesewetdays,afterthehayharvest,hissummerholiday。Wesatewithopenwindows,thefragranceandthefreshnesscalledoutbythesoft-fallingrainfillingthehouse-place;whilethequietceaselesspatteramongtheleavesoutsideoughttohavehadthesamelullingeffectasallothergentleperpetualsounds,suchasmill-wheelsandbubblingsprings,haveonthenervesofhappypeople。Buttwoofuswerenothappy。Iwassureenoughofmyself,forone。Iwasworsethansure,——IwaswretchedlyanxiousaboutPhillis。
Eversincethatdayofthethunderstormtherehadbeenanew,sharp,discordantsoundtomeinhervoice,asortofjangleinhertone;andherrestlesseyeshadnoquietnessinthem;andhercolourcameandwentwithoutacausethatIcouldfindout。Theminister,happyinignoranceofwhatmostconcernedhim,broughtouthisbooks;hislearnedvolumesandclassics。WhetherhereadandtalkedtoPhillis,ortome,Idonotknow;butfeelingbyinstinctthatshewasnot,couldnotbe,attendingtothepeacefuldetails,sostrangeandforeigntotheturmoilinherheart,Iforcedmyselftolisten,andifpossibletounderstand。
’Lookhere!’saidtheminister,tappingtheoldvellum-boundbookheheld;’inthefirstGeorgichespeaksofrollingandirrigation,alittlefurtheronheinsistsonchoiceofthebestseed,andadvisesustokeepthedrainsclear。Again,noScotchfarmercouldgiveshrewderadvicethantocutlightmeadowswhilethedewison,eventhoughitinvolvenight-work。Itisalllivingtruthinthesedays。’Hebeganbeatingtimewitharuleruponhisknee,tosomeLatinlineshereadaloudjustthen。
IsupposethemonotonouschantirritatedPhillistosomeirregularenergy,forIrememberthequickknottingandbreakingofthethreadwithwhichshewassewing。Ineverhearthatsnaprepeatednow,withoutsuspectingsomestingorstabtroublingtheheartoftheworker。CousinHolman,atherpeacefulknitting,noticedthereasonwhyPhillishadsoconstantlytointerrupttheprogressofherseam。
’Itisbadthread,I’mafraid,’shesaid,inagentlesympatheticvoice。
ButitwastoomuchforPhillis。
’Thethreadisbad——everythingisbad——Iamsotiredofitall!’Andsheputdownherwork,andhastilylefttheroom。IdonotsupposethatinallherlifePhillishadevershownsomuchtemperbefore。Inmanyafamilythetone,themanner,wouldnothavebeennoticed;buthereitfellwithasharpsurpriseuponthesweet,calmatmosphereofhome。Theministerputdownrulerandbook,andpushedhisspectaclesuptohisforehead。
Themotherlookeddistressedforamoment,andthensmoothedherfeaturesandsaidinanexplanatorytone,——’It’stheweather,Ithink。Somepeoplefeelitdifferenttoothers。Italwaysbringsonaheadachewithme。’Shegotuptofollowherdaughter,buthalf-waytothedoorshethoughtbetterofit,andcamebacktoherseat。Goodmother!shehopedthebettertoconcealtheunusualspirtoftemper,bypretendingnottotakemuchnoticeofit。’Goon,minister,’shesaid;’itisveryinterestingwhatyouarereadingabout,andwhenIdon’tquiteunderstandit,Ilikethesoundofyourvoice。’Sohewenton,butlanguidlyandirregularly,andbeatnomoretimewithhisrulertoanyLatinlines。Whentheduskcameon,earlythatJulynightbecauseofthecloudysky,Philliscamesoftlyback,makingasthoughnothinghadhappened。Shetookupherwork,butitwastoodarktodomanystitches;andshedroppeditsoon。ThenIsawhowherhandstoleintohermother’s,andhowthislatterfondleditwithquietlittlecaresses)
whiletheminister,asfullyawareasIwasofthistenderpantomime,wentontalkinginahappiertoneofvoiceaboutthingsasuninterestingtohim,atthetime,Iverybelieve,astheyweretome;andthatissayingagooddeal,andshowshowmuchmorerealwhatwaspassingbeforehimwas,eventoafarmer,thantheagriculturalcustomsoftheancients。
Irememberonethingmore,——anattackwhichBettytheservantmadeuponmeonedayasIcameinthroughthekitchenwhereshewaschurning)andstoppedtoaskherforadrinkofbuttermilk。
’Isay,cousinPaul,’(shehadadoptedthefamilyhabitofaddressingmegenerallyascousinPaul,andalwaysspeakingofmeinthatform,)’something’samisswithourPhillis,andIreckonyou’veagoodguesswhatitis。She’snotonetotakeupwi’suchasyou,’(notcomplimentary,butthatBettyneverwas,eventothoseforwhomshefeltthehighestrespect,)’butI’dasliefyonHoldsworthhadnevercomenearus。Sothereyou’veabito’
mymind。’
Andaveryunsatisfactorybititwas。Ididnotknowwhattoanswertotheglimpseattherealstateofthecaseimpliedintheshrewdwoman’sspeech;soItriedtoputheroffbyassumingsurpriseatherfirstassertion。
’AmisswithPhillis!Ishouldliketoknowwhyyouthinkanythingiswrongwithher。Shelooksasbloomingasanyonecando。’
’Poorlad!you’rebutabigchildafterall;andyou’velikelyneverhearedofafever-flush。Butyouknowbetternorthat,myfinefellow!
sodon’tthinkfortoputmeoffwi’bloomsandblossomsandsuch-liketalk。Whatmakesherwalkaboutforhoursandhourso’nightswhensheusedtobeabedandasleep?Isleepnextroomtoher,andhearherplainascanbe。Whatmakeshercomeinpantingandreadytodropintothatchair,’——noddingtooneclosetothedoor,——’andit’s"Oh!Betty,somewater,please"?
That’sthewayshecomesinnow,whensheusedtocomebackasfreshandbrightasshewentout。Ifyonfriendo’yourshasplayedherfalse,he’sadealfort’answerfor;she’salasswho’sassweetandassoundasanut,andtheveryappleofherfather’seye,andofhermother’stoo’onlywi’hersherankssecondtoth’minister。You’llhavetolookafteryonchap,forI,forone,willstandnowrongtoourPhillis。’
WhatwasItodo,ortosay?IwantedtojustifyHoldsworth,tokeepPhillis’ssecret,andtopacifythewomanallinthesamebreath。Ididnottakethebestcourse,I’mafraid。
’Idon’tbelieveHoldswortheverspokeawordof——oflovetoherinallhislife。I’msurehedidn’t。’
’Aye。aye!butthere’seyes,andthere’shands,aswellastongues;
andamanhastwoo’th’oneandbutoneo’t’other。’
’Andshe’ssoyoung;doyousupposeherparentswouldnothaveseenit?’
’Well!ifyouaxemethat,I’llsayoutboldly,"No"。They’vecalledher"thechild"solong——"thechild"isalwaystheirnameforherwhentheytalkonherbetweenthemselves,asifneveranybodyelsehadaewe-lambbeforethem——thatshe’sgrownuptobeawomanundertheirveryeyes,andtheylookonherstillasifshewereinherlongclothes。Andyoune’erheardonamanfallinginlovewi’ababbyinlongclothes!’
’No!’saidI,halflaughing。Butshewentonasgraveasajudge。
’Aye!youseeyou’lllaughatthebarethoughtonit——andI’llbeboundth’minister,thoughhe’snotalaughingman,wouldha’sniggledatth’
notionoffallinginlovewi’thechild。Where’sHoldsworthoffto?’
’Canada,’saidI,shortly。
’Canadahere,Canadathere,’shereplied,testily。’Tellmehowfarhe’soff,insteadofgivingmeyourgibberish。Isheatwodays’journeyaway?orathree?oraweek?’
’He’seversofaroff——threeweeksattheleast,’criedIindespair。
’Andhe’seithermarried,orjustgoingtobe。Sothere。’Iexpectedafreshburstofanger。Butno;thematterwastooserious。Bettysatedown,andkeptsilenceforaminuteortwo。Shelookedsomiserableanddowncast,thatIcouldnothelpgoingon,andtakingheralittleintomyconfidence。
’ItisquitetruewhatIsaid。Iknowheneverspokeawordtoher。
Ithinkhelikedher,butit’sallovernow。Thebestthingwecando——thebestandkindestforher——andIknowyouloveher,Betty——’
’Inursedherinmyarms;Igaveherlittlebrotherhislasttasteo’
earthlyfood,’saidBetty)puttingherapronuptohereyes。
’Well!don’tletusshowherweguessthatsheisgrieving;she’llgetoveritthesooner。Herfatherandmotherdon’tevenguessatit,andwemustmakeasifwedidn’t。It’stoolatenowtodoanythingelse。’
’I’llneverleton;Iknownought。I’veknowntruelovemysel’,inmyday。ButIwishhe’dbeenfarredbeforeheevercamenearthishouse,withhis"PleaseBetty"this,and"PleaseBetty"that,anddrinkingupournewmilkasifhe’dbeenacat。Ihatesuchbeguilingways。’
IthoughtitwasaswelltoletherexhaustherselfinabusingtheabsentHoldsworth;ifitwasshabbyandtreacherousinme,Icameinformypunishmentdirectly。
’It’sacautiontoamanhowhegoesaboutbeguiling。Somemendoitaseasyandinnocentascooingdoves。Don’tyoubenoneof’em,mylad。
Notthatyou’vegotthegiftstodoit,either;you’renogreatshakestolookat,neitherforfigure,noryetforface,anditwouldneedbeadeafaddertobetakeninwi’yourwords,thoughtheremaybenogreatharminem。Aladofnineteenortwentyisnotflatteredbysuchanout-spokenopinionevenfromtheoldestandugliestofhersex;andIwasonlytoogladtochangethesubjectbymyrepeatedinjunctionstokeepPhillis’ssecret。Theendofourconversationwasthisspeechofhers,——
’Yougreatgaupus,forallyou’recalledcousino’th’minister——manyaoneiscursedwi’foolsforcousins——d’yethinkIcan’tseesenseexceptthroughyourspectacles?Igiveyouleavetocutoutmytongue,andnailituponth’barn-doorforacautiontomagpies,ifIletoutonthatpoorwench,eithertoherself,oranyonethatishers,astheBiblesays。Nowyou’veheardmespeakScripturelanguage,perhapsyou’llbecontent,andleavememykitchentomyself。’
Duringallthesedays,fromthe5thofJulytothe17th,ImusthaveforgottenwhatHoldsworthhadsaidaboutcards。AndyetIthinkIcouldnothavequiteforgotten;but,oncehavingtoldPhillisabouthismarriage,Imusthavelookedupontheafterconsequenceofcardsasofnoimportance。
Atanyratetheycameuponmeasasurpriseatlast。Thepenny-postreform,aspeoplecallit,hadcomeintooperationashorttimebefore;butthenever-endingstreamofnotesandletterswhichseemnowtoflowinuponmosthouseholdshadnotyetbegunitscourse;atleastinthoseremoteparts。Therewasapost-officeatHornby;andanoldfellow,whostowedawaythefewlettersinanyorallhispockets,asitbestsuitedhim,wastheletter-carriertoHeathbridgeandtheneighbourhood。Ihaveoftenmethiminthelanesthereabouts,andaskedhimforletters。SometimesIhavecomeuponhim,sittingonthehedge-bankresting;andhehasbeggedmetoreadhimanaddress,tooillegibleforhisspectacledeyestodecipher。
WhenIusedtoinquireifhehadanythingforme,orforHoldsworth(hewasnotparticulartowhomhegaveuptheletters,sothathegotridofthemsomehow,andcouldsetoffhomewards),hewouldsayhethoughtthathehad,forsuchwashisinvariablesafeformofanswer;andwouldfumbleinbreast-pockets,waistcoat-pockets,breeches-pockets,and,asalastresource,incoat-tailpockets;andatlengthtrytocomfortme,ifIlookeddisappointed,bytellingme,’Hoohadmissedthistoime,butwassuretowriteto-morrow;’’Hoo’representinganimaginarysweetheart。
SometimesIhadseentheministerbringhomealetterwhichhehadfoundlyingforhimatthelittleshopthatwasthepost-officeatHeathbridge,orfromthegranderestablishmentatHornby。OnceortwiceJosiah,thecarter,rememberedthattheoldletter-carrierhadtrustedhimwithanepistleto’Measter’,astheyhadmetinthelanes。Ithinkitmusthavebeenabouttendaysaftermyarrivalatthefarm,andmytalktoPhilliscuttingbread-and-butteratthekitchendresser,beforethedayonwhichtheministersuddenlyspokeatthedinner-table,andsaid,——
’By-the-by,I’vegotaletterinmypocket。Reachmemycoathere,Phillis。’
Theweatherwasstillsultry,andforcoolnessandeasetheministerwassittinginhisshirt-sleeves。’IwenttoHeathbridgeaboutthepapertheyhadsentme,whichspoilsallthepens——andIcalledatthepost-office,andfoundaletterforme,unpaid,——andtheydidnotliketotrustittooldZekiel。Aye!hereitis!NowweshallhearnewsofHoldsworth,——I
thoughtI’dkeepittillwewerealltogether。’Myheartseemedtostopbeating,andIhungmyheadovermyplate,notdaringtolookup。Whatwouldcomeofitnow?WhatwasPhillisdoing?Howwasshelooking?Amomentofsuspense,——andthenhespokeagain。’Why!what’sthis?Herearetwovisitingticketswithhisnameon,nowritingatall。No!it’snothisnameonboth。MRSHoldsworth!Theyoungmanhasgoneandgotmarried。’
Iliftedmyheadatthesewords;IcouldnothelplookingjustforoneinstantatPhillis。Itseemedtomeasifshehadbeenkeepingwatchovermyfaceandways。Herfacewasbrilliantlyflushed;hereyesweredryandglittering;butshedidnotspeak;herlipsweresettogetheralmostasifshewaspinchingthemtighttopreventwordsorsoundscomingout。CousinHolman’sfaceexpressedsurpriseandinterest。
’Well!’saidshe,’who’dha’thoughtit!He’smadequickworkofhiswooingandwedding。I’msureIwishhimhappy。Letmesee’——countingonherfingers,——’October,November,December,January,February,March,April,May,June,July,——atleastwe’reatthe28th,——itisnearlytenmonthsafterall,andreckonamontheachwayoff——’
’Didyouknowofthisnewsbefore?’saidtheminister,turningsharproundonme,surprised,Isuppose,atmysilence,——hardlysuspicious,asyet。
’Iknew——Ihadheard——something。ItistoaFrenchCanadianyounglady,’
Iwenton,forcingmyselftotalk。’HernameisVentadour。’
’LucilleVentadour!’saidPhillis,inasharpvoice,outoftune。
’Thenyouknewtoo!’exclaimedtheminister。
Webothspokeatonce。Isaid,’Iheardoftheprobabilityof————andtoldPhillis。’Shesaid,’HeismarriedtoLucilleVentadour,ofFrenchdescent;oneofalargefamilynearSt。Meurice;amnotIright?’Inodded’Paultoldme,——thatisallweknow,isnotit?DidyouseetheHowsons,father,inHeathbridge?’andsheforcedherselftotalkmorethanshehaddoneforseveraldays,askingmanyquestions,trying,asIcouldsee,tokeeptheconversationofftheonerawsurface,onwhichtotouchwasagony。
Ihadlessself-command;butIfollowedherlead。IwasnotsomuchabsorbedintheconversationbutwhatIcouldseethattheministerwaspuzzledanduneasy;thoughhesecondedPhillis’seffortstopreventhermotherfromrecurringtothegreatpieceofnews,andutteringcontinualexclamationsofwonderandsurprise。Butwiththatoneexceptionwewerealldisturbedoutofournaturalequanimity,moreorless。Everyday,everyhour,Iwasreproachingmyselfmoreandmoreformyblunderingofficiousness。IfonlyIhadheldmyfoolishtongueforthatonehalf-hour;ifonlyIhadnotbeeninsuchimpatienthastetodosomethingtorelievepain!Icouldhaveknockedmystupidheadagainstthewallinmyremorse。YetallIcoulddonowwastosecondthebravegirlinhereffortstoconcealherdisappointmentandkeephermaidenlysecret。ButIthoughtthatdinnerwouldnever,nevercometoanend。Isufferedforher,evenmorethanformyself。UntilnoweverythingwhichIhadheardspokeninthathappyhouseholdweresimplewordsoftruemeaning。Ifwebadaughttosay,wesaidit;andifanyonepreferredsilence,nayifalldidso,therewouldhavebeennospasmodic,forcedeffortstotalkforthesakeoftalking,ortokeepoffintrusivethoughtsorsuspicions。
Atlengthwegotupfromourplaces,andpreparedtodisperse;buttwoorthreeofushadlostourzestandinterestinthedailylabour。Theministerstoodlookingoutofthewindowinsilence,andwhenherousedhimselftogoouttothefieldswherehislabourerswereworking,itwaswithasigh;andhetriedtoaverthistroubledfaceashepassedusonhiswaytothedoor。Whenhehadleftus,IcaughtsightofPhillis’sface,as,thinkingherselfunobserved,hercountenancerelaxedforamomentortwointosad,woefulweariness。Shestartedintobrisknessagainwhenhermotherspoke,andhurriedawaytodosomelittleerrandatherbidding。
Whenwetwowerealone,cousinHolmanrecurredtoHoldsworth’smarriage。
Shewasoneofthosepeoplewholiketoviewaneventfromeverysideofprobability,orevenpossibility;andshehadbeencutshortfromindulgingherselfinthiswayduringdinner。
’TothinkofMrHoldsworth’sbeingmarried!Ican’tgetoverit,Paul。
Notbutwhathewasaveryniceyoungman!Idon’tlikehername,though;
itsoundsforeign。Sayitagain,mydear。Ihopeshe’llknowhowtotakecareofhim,Englishfashion。Heisnotstrong,andifshedoesnotseethathisthingsarewellaired,Ishouldbeafraidoftheoldcough’
’Healwayssaidhewasstrongerthanhehadeverbeenbefore,afterthatfever。’
’Hemightthinkso,butIhavemydoubts。Hewasaverypleasantyoungman,buthedidnotstandnursingverywell。Hegottiredofbeingcoddled,ashecalledit。Jhopethey’llsooncomebacktoEngland,andthenhe’llhaveachanceforhishealth。Iwondernow,ifshespeaksEnglish;but,tobesure,hecanspeakforeigntongueslikeanything,asI’veheardtheministersay。’
Andsowewentonforsometime,tillshebecamedrowsyoverherknitting,onthesultrysummerafternoon;andIstoleawayforawalk,forIwantedsomesolitudeinwhichtothinkoverthings,and,alas!toblamemyselfwithpoignantstabsofremorse。
IloungedlazilyassoonasIgottothewood。Hereandtherethebubbling,brawlingbrookcircledroundagreatstone,orarootofanoldtree,andmadeapool;otherwiseitcoursedbrightlyoverthegravelandstones。
Istoodbyoneoftheseformorethanhalfanhour,or,indeed,longer,throwingbitsofwoodorpebblesintothewater,andwonderingwhatIcoulddotoremedythepresentstateofthings。Ofcourseallmymeditationwasofnouse;andatlengththedistantsoundofthehornemployedtotellthemenfarafieldtoleaveoffwork,warnedmethatitwassixo’clock,andtimeformetogohome。ThenIcaughtwaftsoftheloud-voicedsingingoftheeveningpsalm。AsIwascrossingtheAshfield,Isawtheministeratsomedistancetalkingtoaman。Icouldnothearwhattheyweresaying,butIsawanimpatientordissentient(Icouldnottellwhich)gestureonthepartoftheformer,whowalkedquicklyaway,andwasapparentlyabsorbedinhisthoughts,forthoughbepassedwithintwentyyardsofme,asbothourpathsconvergedtowardshome,hetooknonoticeofme。Wepassedtheeveninginawaywhichwasevenworsethandinner-time。Theministerwassilent,depressed,evenirritable。PoorcousinHolmanwasutterlyperplexedbythisunusualframeofmindandtemperinherhusband;shewasnotwellherself,andwassufferingfromtheextremeandsultryheat,whichmadeherlesstalkativethanusual。Phillis,usuallysoreverentlytendertoherparents,sosoft,sogentle,seemednowtotakenonoticeoftheunusualstateofthings,buttalkedtome——toanyone,onindifferentsubjects,regardlessofherfather’sgravity,ofhermother’spiteouslooksofbewilderment。
Butoncemyeyesfelluponherhands,concealedunderthetable,andI
couldseethepassionate,convulsivemannerinwhichshelacedandinterlacedherfingersperpetually,wringingthemtogetherfromtimetotime,wringingtillthecompressedfleshbecameperfectlywhite。WhatcouldIdo?Italkedwithher,asIsawshewished;hergreyeyeshaddarkcirclesroundthem。
andastrangekindofdarklightinthem;hercheekswereflushed,butherlipswerewhiteandwan。IwonderedthatothersdidnotreadthesesignsasclearlyasIdid。Butperhapstheydid;Ithink,fromwhatcameafterwards,theministerdid。
PoorcousinHolman!sheworshippedherhusband;andtheoutwardsignsofhisuneasinessweremorepatenttohersimpleheartthanwereherdaughter’s。
Afterawhileshecouldbearitnolonger。Shegotup,and,softlylayingherhandonhisbroadstoopingshoulder,shesaid,——
’Whatisthematter,minister?Hasanythinggonewrong?’
Hestartedasiffromadream。Phillishungherhead,andcaughtherbreathinterrorattheanswershefeared。Buthe,lookingroundwithasweepingglance,turnedhisbroad,wisefaceuptohisanxiouswife,andforcedasmile,andtookherhandinareassuringmanner。
’Iamblamingmyself,dear。Ihavebeenovercomewithangerthisafternoon。
IscarcelyknewwhatIwasdoing,butIturnedawayTimothyCooper。HehaskilledtheRibstonepippinatthecorneroftheorchard;goneandpiledthequicklimeforthemortarforthenewstablewallagainstthetrunkofthetree——stupidfellow!killedthetreeoutright——anditloadedwithapples!’
’AndRibstonepippinsaresoscarce,’saidsympatheticcousinHolman。
’Aye!ButTimothyisbutahalf-wit;andhehasawifeandchildren。
Hehadoftenputmetoitsore,withhisslothfulways,butIhadlaiditbeforetheLord,andstriventobearwithhim。ButIwillnotstanditanylonger,it’spastmypatience。Andhehasnoticetofindanotherplace。Wife,wewon’ttalkmoreaboutit。’Hetookherhandgentlyoffhisshoulder,toucheditwithhislips;butrelapsedintoasilenceasprofound,ifnotquitesomoroseinappearance,asbefore。Icouldnottellwhy,butthisbitoftalkbetweenherfatherandmotherseemedtotakeallthefactitiousspiritsoutofPhillis。Shedidnotspeaknow,butlookedoutoftheopencasementatthecalmlargemoon,slowlymovingthroughthetwilightsky。OnceIthoughthereyeswerefillingwithtears;
but,ifso,sheshookthemoff,andarosewithalacritywhenhermother,tiredanddispirited,proposedtogotobedimmediatelyafterprayers。
Weallsaidgood-nightinourseparatewaystotheminister,whostillsateatthetablewiththegreatBibleopenbeforehim,notmuchlookingupatanyofoursalutations,butreturningthemkindly。ButwhenI,lastofall,wasonthepointofleavingtheroom,hesaid,stillscarcelylookingup,——
’Paul,youwillobligemebystayinghereafewminutes。Iwouldfainhavesometalkwithyou。’
Iknewwhatwascoming,allinamoment。Icarefullyshut——tothedoor,putoutmycandle,andsatedowntomyfate。Heseemedtofindsomedifficultyinbeginning,for,ifIhadnotheardthathewantedtospeaktome,I
shouldneverhaveguessedit,heseemedsomuchabsorbedinreadingachaptertotheend。Suddenlyheliftedhisheadupandsaid,——
’Itisaboutthatfriendofyours,Holdsworth!Paul,haveyouanyreasonforthinkinghehasplayedtricksuponPhillis?’
Isawthathiseyeswereblazingwithsuchafireofangeratthebareidea,thatIlostallmypresenceofmind,andonlyrepeated,——
’PlayedtricksonPhillis!’
’Aye!youknowwhatImean:madelovetoher,courtedher,madeherthinkthathelovedher,andthengoneawayandlefther。Putitasyouwill,onlygivemeananswerofsomekindoranother——atrueanswer,I
mean——anddon’trepeatmywords,Paul。’
Hewasshakingalloverashesaidthis。Ididnotdelayamomentinansweringhim,——
’IdonotbelievethatEdwardHoldswortheverplayedtricksonPhillis,evermadelovetoher;henever,tomyknowledge,madeherbelievethathelovedher。’
Istopped;Iwantedtonerveupmycourageforaconfession,yetIwishedtosavethesecretofPhillis’sloveforHoldsworthasmuchasIcould;
thatsecretwhichshehadsostriventokeepsacredandsafe;andIhadneedofsomereflectionbeforeIwentonwithwhatIhadtosay。
HebeganagainbeforeIhadquitearrangedmymannerofspeech。Itwasalmostasiftohimself,——’Sheismyonlychild;mylittledaughter!Sheishardlyoutofchildhood;IhavethoughttogatherherundermywingsforyearstocomehermotherandIwouldlaydownourlivestokeepherfromharmandgrief。’Then,raisinghisvoice,andlookingatme,hesaid,’Somethinghasgonewrongwiththechild;anditseemedtometodatefromthetimesheheardofthatmarriage。ItishardtothinkthatyoumayknowmoreofhersecretcaresandsorrowsthanIdo,——butperhapsyoudo,Paul,perhapsyoudo,——only,ifitbenotasin,tellmewhatJcandotomakeherhappyagain;tellme。’
’Itwillnotdomuchgood,Iamafraid,’saidJ,’butIwillownhowwrongIdid;Idon’tmeanwronginthewayofsin,butinthewayofjudgment。
HoldsworthtoldmejustbeforehewentthathelovedPhillis,andhopedtomakeherhiswife,andItoldher。’
There!itwasout;allmypartinit,atleast;andIsetmylipstighttogether,andwaitedforthewordstocome。Ididnotseehisface;IlookedstraightatthewallOpposite;butIheardhimoncebegintospeak,andthenturnovertheleavesinthebookbeforehim。HowawfullystillthatroomwasITheairoutside,howstillitwas!Theopenwindowsletinnorustleofleaves,notwitterormovementofbirds——nosoundwhatever。Theclockonthestairs——theminister’shardbreathing——wasittogoonforever?Impatientbeyondbearingatthedeepquiet,Ispokeagain,——
’Ididitforthebest,asIthought。’
Theministershutthebooktohastily,andstoodup。ThenIsawhowangryhewas。
’Forthebest,doyousay?Itwasbest,wasit,togoandtellayounggirlwhatyounevertoldawordoftoherparents,whotrustedyoulikeasonoftheirown?’
Hebeganwalkingabout,upanddowntheroomcloseundertheopenwindows,churninguphisbitterthoughtsofme。
’Toputsuchthoughtsintothechild’shead,’continuedhe;’tospoilherpeacefulmaidenhoodwithtalkaboutanotherman’slove;andsuchlove,too,’hespokescornfullynow——alovethatisreadyforanyyoungwoman。
Oh,themiseryinmypoorlittledaughter’sfaceto-dayatdinner——themisery,Paul!Ithoughtyouwereonetobetrusted——yourfather’ssontoo,togoandputsuchthoughtsintothechild’smind;youtwotalkingtogetheraboutthatmanwishingtomarryher。’
Icouldnothelprememberingthepinafore,thechildishgarmentwhichPhillisworesolong,asifherparentswereunawareofherprogresstowardswomanhood。Justinthesamewaytheministerspokeandthoughtofhernow,asachild,whoseinnocentpeaceIhadspoiledbyvainandfoolishtalk。
Iknewthatthetruthwasdifferent,thoughIcouldhardlyhavetolditnow;but,indeed,Ineverthoughtoftryingtotell;itwasfarfrommymindtoaddoneiotatothesorrowwhichIhadcaused。Theministerwentonwalking,occasionallystoppingtomovethingsonthetable,orarticlesoffurniture,inasharp,impatient,meaninglessway,thenhebeganagain,——
’Soyoung,sopurefromtheworld!howcouldyougoandtalktosuchachild,raisinghopes,excitingfeelings——alltoendthus;andbestso,eventhoughIsawherpoorpiteousfacelookasitdid。Ican’tforgiveyou,Paul;itwasmorethanwrong——itwaswicked——togoandrepeatthatman’swords。’
Hisbackwasnowtothedoor,and,inlisteningtohislowangrytones,hedidnothearitslowlyopen,nordidheseePhillis。standingjustwithintheroom,untilheturnedround;thenhestoodstill。Shemusthavebeenhalfundressed;butshehadcoveredherselfwithadarkwintercloak,whichfellinlongfoldstoherwhite,naked,noiselessfeet。Herfacewasstrangelypale:hereyesheavyintheblackcirclesroundthem。Shecameuptothetableveryslowly,andleantherhanduponit,sayingmournfully,——
’Father,youmustnotblamePaul。Icouldnothelphearingagreatdealofwhatyouweresaying。Hedidtellme,andperhapsitwouldhavebeenwisernot,dearPaul!But——oh,dear!oh,dear!Iamsosickwithshame!
Hetoldmeoutofhiskindheart,becausehesaw——thatIwassoveryunhappyathisgoingaway。
Shehungherhead,andleantmoreheavilythanbeforeonhersupportinghand。
’Idon’tunderstand,’saidherfather;buthewasbeginningtounderstand。
Phillisdidnotanswertillheaskedheragain。Icouldhavestruckhimnowforhiscruelty;butthenIknewall。
’Ilovedhim,father!’shesaidatlength,raisinghereyestotheminister’sface。’Hadheeverspokenoflovetoyou?Paulsaysnot!’
’Never。’Sheletfallhereyes,anddroopedmorethanever。Ialmostthoughtshewouldfall。
’Icouldnothavebelievedit,’saidhe,inahardvoice,yetsighingthemomenthehadspoken。Adeadsilenceforamoment。’Paul!Iwasunjusttoyou。Youdeservedblame,butnotallthatIsaid。’Thenagainasilence。
IthoughtIsawPhillis’swhitelipsmoving,butitmighthavebeentheflickeringofthecandlelight——amothhadflowninthroughtheopencasement,andwasflutteringroundtheflame;Imighthavesavedit,butIdidnotcaretodoso,myheartwastoofullofotherthings。Atanyrate,nosoundwasheardforlongendlessminutes。Thenhesaid,——’Phillis!didwenotmakeyouhappyhere?Havewenotlovedyouenough?’
Shedidnotseemtounderstandthedriftofthisquestion;shelookedupasifbewildered,andherbeautifuleyesdilatedwithapainful,torturedexpression。Hewenton,withoutnoticingthelookonherface;hedidnotseeit,Iamsure。
’Andyetyouwouldhaveleftus,leftyourhome,leftyourfatherandyourmother,andgoneawaywiththisstranger,wanderingovertheworld。’
Hesuffered,too;thereweretonesofpaininthevoiceinwhichheutteredthisreproach。Probablythefatheranddaughterwereneversofarapartintheirlives,sounsympathetic。Yetsomenewterrorcameoverher,anditwastohimsheturnedforhelp。Ashadowcameoverherface,andshetotteredtowardsherfather;fallingdown,herarmsacrosshisknees,andmoaningout,——
’Father,myhead!myhead!’andthenslippedthroughhisquick-enfoldingarms,andlayonthegroundathisfeet。
IshallneverforgethissuddenlookofagonywhileIlive;never!Weraisedherup;hercolourhadstrangelydarkened;shewasinsensible。I
ranthroughtheback-kitchentotheyardpump,andbroughtbackwater。
Theministerhadheronhisknees,herheadagainsthisbreast,almostasthoughshewereasleepingchild。Hewastryingtoriseupwithhispoorpreciousburden,butthemomentaryterrorhadrobbedthestrongmanofhisstrength,andhesankbackinhischairwithsobbingbreath。
’Sheisnotdead,Paul!isshe?’hewhispered,hoarse,asIcamenearhim。
I,too,couldnotspeak,butIpointedtothequiveringofthemusclesroundhermouth。JustthencousinHolman,attractedbysomeunwontedsound,camedown。IrememberIwassurprisedatthetimeatherpresenceofmind,sheseemedtoknowsomuchbetterwhattodothantheminister,inthemidstofthesickaffrightwhichblanchedhercountenance,andmadehertrembleallover。Ithinknowthatitwastherecollectionofwhathadgonebefore;themiserablethoughtthatpossiblyhiswordshadbroughtonthisattack,whateveritmightbe,thatsounmannedtheminister。Wecarriedherupstairs,andwhilethewomenwereputtinghertobed,stillunconscious,stillslightlyconvulsed,Islippedout,andsaddledoneofthehorses,androdeasfastastheheavy-trottingbeastcouldgo,toHornby,tofindthedoctorthere,andbringhimback。Hewasout,mightbedetainedthewholenight。Iremembersaying,’Godhelpusall!’asIsateonmyhorse,underthewindow,throughwhichtheapprentice’sheadhadappearedtoanswermyfurioustugsatthenight-bell。Hewasagood-naturedfellow。
Hesaid,——
’Hemaybehomeinhalfanhour,there’snoknowing;butIdaresayhewill。I’llsendhimouttotheHopeFarmdirectlyhecomesin。It’sthatgood-lookingyoungwoman,Holman’sdaughter,that’sill,isn’tit?’
’Yes。’
’Itwouldbeapityifshewastogo。She’sanonlychild,isn’tshe?
I’llgetup,andsmokeapipeinthesurgery,readyforthegovernor’scominghome。ImightgotosleepifIwenttobedagain。’
’Thankyou,you’reagoodfellow!’andIrodebackalmostasquicklyasIcame。
Itwasabrainfever。Thedoctorsaidso,whenhecameintheearlysummermorning。Ibelievewehadcometoknowthenatureoftheillnessinthenight-watchesthathadgonebefore。Astohopeofultimaterecovery,orevenevilprophecyoftheprobableend,thecautiousdoctorwouldbeentrappedintoneither。Hegavehisdirections,andpromisedtocomeagain;
sosoon,thatthisonethingshowedhisopinionofthegravityofthecase。
ByGod’smercysherecovered,butitwasalong,wearytimefirst。Accordingtopreviouslymadeplans,IwastohavegonehomeatthebeginningofAugust。
Butallsuchideaswereputasidenow,withoutawordbeingspoken。IreallythinkthatIwasnecessaryinthehouse,andespeciallynecessarytotheministeratthistime;myfatherwasthelastmanintheworld,undersuchcircumstances,toexpectmehome。
Isay,IthinkIwasnecessaryinthehouse。Everyperson(1hadalmostsaideverycreature,forallthedumbbeastsseemedtoknowandlovePhillis)
abouttheplacewentgrievingandsad,asthoughacloudwasoverthesun。
Theydidtheirwork,eachstrivingtosteerclearofthetemptationtoeye-service,infulfilmentofthetrustreposedinthembytheminister。
ForthedayafterPhillishadbeentakenill,hehadcalledallthemenemployedonthefarmintotheemptybarn;andtherehehadentreatedtheirprayersforhisonlychild;andthenandtherehehadtoldthemofhispresentincapacityforthoughtaboutanyotherthinginthisworldbuthislittledaughter,lyingnighuntodeath,andhehadaskedthemtogoonwiththeirdailylaboursasbesttheycould,withouthisdirection。
So,asIsay,thesehonestmendidtheirworktothebestoftheirability,buttheyslouchedalongwithsadandcarefulfaces,comingonebyoneinthedimmorningstoasknewsofthesorrowthatovershadowedthehouse;
andreceivingBetty’sintelligence,alwaysratherdarkenedbypassingthroughhermind,withslowshakesofthehead,andadullwistfulnessofsympathy。
But,poorfellows,theywerehardlyfittobetrustedwithhastymessages,andheremypoorservicescamein。OnetimeIwastoridehardtoSirWilliamBentinck’s,andpetitionforiceoutofhisice-house,toputonPhillis’shead。AnotheritwastoElthamImustgo,bytrain,horse,anyhow,andbidthedoctortherecomeforaconsultation,forfreshsymptomshadappeared,whichMrBrown,ofHornby,consideredunfavourable。ManyanhourhaveIsateonthewindow-seat,half-wayupthestairs,closebytheoldclock,listeninginthehotstillnessofthehouseforthesoundsinthesick-room。
TheministerandImetoften,butspoketogetherseldom。Helookedsoold——soold!Hesharedthenursingwithhiswife;thestrengththatwasneededseemedtobegiventothembothinthatday。Theyrequirednooneelseabouttheirchild。Everyofficeaboutherwassacredtothem;evenBettyonlywentintotheroomforthemostnecessarypurposes。OnceIsawPhillisthroughtheopendoor;herprettygoldenhairhadbeencutofflongbefore;
herheadwascoveredwithwetcloths,andshewasmovingitbackwardsandforwardsonthepillow,withweary,never-endingmotion,herpooreyesshut,tryingintheoldaccustomedwaytocroonoutahymntune,butperpetuallybreakingitupintomoansofpain。Hermothersatebyher,tearless,changingtheclothsuponherheadwithpatientsolicitude。Ididnotseetheministeratfirst,buttherehewasinadarkcorner,downuponhisknees,hishandsclaspedtogetherinpassionateprayer。Thenthedoorshut,andIsawnomore。
Onedayhewaswanted;andIhadtosummonhim。BrotherRobinsonandanotherminister,hearingofhis’trial’,hadcometoseehim。Itoldhimthisuponthestair-landinginawhisper。Hewasstrangelytroubled。
’Theywillwantmetolaybaremyheart。Icannotdoit。Paul,staywithme。Theymeanwell;butasforspiritualhelpatsuchatime——itisGodonly,Godonly,whocangiveit。
SoIwentinwithhim。Theyweretwoministersfromtheneighbourhood;
botholderthanEbenezerHolman;butevidentlyinferiortohimineducationandworldlyposition。IthoughttheylookedatmeasifIwereanintruder,butrememberingtheminister’swordsIheldmyground,andtookuponeofpoorPhillis’sbooks(ofwhichIcouldnotreadaword)tohaveanostensibleoccupation。PresentlyIwasaskedto’engageinprayer’,andweallkneltdown;BrotherRobinson’leading’,andquotinglargelyasIrememberfromtheBookofJob。Heseemedtotakeforhistext,iftextsareevertakenforprayers,’Beholdthouhastinstructedmany;butnowitiscomeuponthee,andthoufaintest,ittoucheththeeandthouarttroubled。’Whenweothersroseup,theministercontinuedforsomeminutesonhisknees。
Thenhetoogotup,andstoodfacingus,foramoment,beforeweallsatedowninconclave。AfterapauseRobinsonbegan,——
’Wegrieveforyou,BrotherHolman,foryourtroubleisgreat。Butwewouldfainhaveyourememberyouareasalightsetonahill;andthecongregationsarelookingatyouwithwatchfuleyes。Wehavebeentalkingaswecamealongonthetwodutiesrequiredofyouinthisstrait;BrotherHodgsonandme。Andwehaveresolvedtoexhortyouonthesetwopoints。
First,Godhasgivenyoutheopportunityofshowingforthanexampleofresignation。’PoorMrHolmanvisiblywincedatthisword。Icouldfancyhowhehadtossedasidesuchbrotherlypreachingsinhishappiermoments;
butnowhiswholesystemwasunstrung,and’resignation’seemedatermwhichpresupposedthatthedreadedmiseryoflosingPhilliswasinevitable。
ButgoodstupidMrRobinsonwenton。’Wehearonallsidesthattherearescarceanyhopesofyourchild’srecovery;anditmaybewelltobringyoutomindofAbraham;andhowhewaswillingtokillhisonlychildwhentheLordcommanded。Takeexamplebyhim,BrotherHolman。Letushearyousay,"TheLordgivethandtheLordtakethaway。BlessedbethenameoftheLord!"’
Therewasapauseofexpectancy。Iverilybelievetheministertriedtofeelit;buthecouldnot。Heartoffleshwastoostrong。Heartofstonehehadnot。
’IwillsayittomyGod,whenHegivesmestrength,——whenthedaycomes,’
hespokeatlast。
Theothertwolookedateachother,andshooktheirheads。Ithinkthereluctancetoanswerastheywishedwasnotquiteunexpected。Theministerwenton’Therearevet’hesaid,asiftohimself。’Godhasgivenmeagreatheartforhoping,andIwillnotlookforwardbeyondthehour。’Thenturningmoretothem,——andspeakinglouder,headded:’Brethren,Godwillstrengthenmewhenthetimecomes,whensuchresignationasyouspeakofisneeded。TillthenIcannotfeelit;andwhatIdonotfeelIwillnotexpress;usingwordsasiftheywereacharm。’Hewasgettingchafed,I
couldsee。
Hehadratherputthemoutbythesespeechesofhis;butafterashorttimeandsomemoreshakesofthehead,Robinsonbeganagain,——
’Secondly,wewouldhaveyoulistentothevoiceoftherod,andaskyourselfforwhatsinsthistrialhasbeenlaiduponyou;whetheryoumaynothavebeentoomuchgivenuptoyourfarmandyourcattle;whetherthisworld’slearninghasnotpuffedyouuptovainconceitandneglectofthethingsofGod;whetheryouhavenotmadeanidolofyourdaughter?’
’Icannotanswer——Iwillnotanswer’。’exclaimedtheminister。’MysinsIconfesstoGod。Butiftheywerescarlet(andtheyaresoinHissight),’
headded,humbly,’IholdwithChristthatafflictionsarenotsentbyGodinwrathaspenaltiesforsin。’
’Isthatorthodox,BrotherRobinson?’askedthethirdminister,inadeferentialtoneofinquiry。
Despitetheminister’sinjunctionnottoleavehim,Ithoughtmattersweregettingsoseriousthatalittlehomelyinterruptionwouldbemoretothepurposethanmycontinuedpresence,andIwentroundtothekitchentoaskforBetty’shelp。
’’Odrot’em!’saidshe;’they’realwaysa-comingatill-convenienttimes;andtheyhavesuchheartyappetites,they’llmakenothingofwhatwouldhaveservedmasterandyousinceourpoorlasshasbeenill。I’vebutabitofcoldbeefinth’house;butI’lldosomehamandeggs,andthat’11rout’emfromworryingtheminister。They’readealquieterafterthey’vehadtheirvictual。LasttimeasoldRobinsoncame,hewasveryreprehensibleuponmaster’slearning,whichhecouldn’tcompasstosavehislife,soheneedn’thavebeenafeardofthattemptation,andusedwordslongenoughtohaveknockedabodydown;butaftermeandmissushadgivenhimhisfillofvictual,andhe’dhadsomegoodaleandapipe,hespokejustlikeanyotherman,andcouldcrackajokewithme。’
Theirvisitwastheonlybreakinthelongwearydaysandnights。I
donotmeanthatnootherinquiriesweremade。Ibelievethatalltheneighbourshungabouttheplacedailytilltheycouldlearnfromsomeout-comerhowPhillisHolmanwas。Buttheyknewbetterthantocomeuptothehouse,fortheAugustweatherwassohotthateverydoorandwindowwaskeptconstantlyopen,andtheleastsoundoutsidepenetratedallthrough。Iamsurethecocksandhenshadasadtimeofit;forBettydrovethemallintoanemptybarn,andkeptthemfastenedupinthedarkforseveraldays,withverylittleeffectasregardedtheircrowingandclacking。Atlengthcameasleepwhichwasthecrisis,andfromwhichshewakenedupwithanewfaintlife。Herslumberhadlastedmany,manyhours。Wescarcelydaredtobreatheormoveduringthetime;wehadstriventohopesolong,thatweweresickatheart,anddurstnottrustinthefavourablesigns:theevenbreathing,themoistenedskin,theslightreturnofdelicatecolourintothepale,wanlips。Irecollectstealingoutthateveninginthedusk,andwanderingdownthegrassylane,undertheshadowoftheover-archingelmstothelittlebridgeatthefootofthehill,wherethelanetotheHopeFarmjoinedanotherroadtoHornby。OnthelowparapetofthatbridgeIfoundTimothyCooper,thestupid,half-wittedlabourer,sitting,idlythrowingbitsofmortarintothebrookbelow。HejustlookedupatmeasIcamenear,butgavemenogreetingeitherbywordorgesture。Hehadgenerallymadesomesign’ofrecognitiontome,butthistimeIthoughthewassullenatbeingdismissed。NeverthelessIfeltasifitwouldbearelieftotalkalittletosomeone,andIsatedownbyhim。WhileIwasthinkinghowtobegin,heyawnedweariedly。
’Youaretired,Tim?’saidI。
’Aye,’saidhe。’ButIreckonImaygohomenow。’’Haveyoubeensittingherelong?’
’Wellyalldaylong。Leastwayssin’seveni’th’morning。’’Why,whatintheworldhaveyoubeendoing?’’Nought。’
’Whyhaveyoubeensittinghere,then?’
’T’keepcartsoff。’Hewasupnow,stretchinghimself,andshakinghislubberlylimbs。
’Carts!whatcarts?’
’Cartsasmightha’wakenedyonwench!It’sHornbymarketday。Ireckonyo’renobetternorahalf-wityoursel’。’Hecockedhiseyeatmeasifheweregaugingmyintellect。
’AndhaveyoubeenSittingherealldaytokeepthelanequietP’
’Aye。I’venoughtelsetodo。Th’ministerhasturnedmeadrift。Haveyo’heardhowth’lassisfaringto-night?’
’Theyhopeshe’llwakenbetterforthislongsleep。Goodnighttoyou,andGodblessyou,Timothy,’saidI。
Hescarcelytookanynoticeofmywords,ashelumberedacrossaStilethatledtohiscottage。PresentlyIwenthometothefarm。PhillishadStirred,hadSpokentwoorthreefaintwords。Hermotherwaswithher,droppingnourishmentintoherscarceconsciousmouth。Therestofthehouseholdweresummonedtoeveningprayerforthefirsttimeformanydays。Itwasareturntothedailyhabitsofhappinessandhealth。ButintheseSilentdaysourveryliveshadbeenanunspokenprayer。NowwemetInthehouse-place,andlookedateachotherwithstrangerecognitionofthethankfulnessonallOurfaces。Wekneltdown;wewaitedfortheminister’svoice。Hedidnotbeginasusual。Hecouldnot;hewaschoking。Presentlyweheardthestrongman’ssob。ThenoldJohnturnedroundonhisknees,andsaid,——
’Minister,IreckonwehaveblessedtheLordwi’alloursouls,thoughwe’vene’ertalkedaboutit;andmaybeHe’llnotneedspokenwordsthisnight。Godblessusall,andkeepourPhillissafefromharm!Amen。’
OldJohn’simpromptuprayerwasallwehadthatnight。
’OurPhillis,’ashecalledher,grewbetterdaybydayfromthattime。
Notquickly;Isometimesgrewdesponding,andfearedthatshewouldneverbewhatshehadbeenbefore;nomoreshehas,inSomeways。
IseizedanearlyopportunitytotelltheministeraboutTimothyCooper’sunsolicitedwatchonthebridgeduringthelongSummer’sday。
’Godforgiveme!’saidtheminister。’Ihavebeentooproudinmyownconceit。ThefirststepsItakeoutofthishouseshallbetoCooper’scottage。’
IneedhardlysayTimothywasreinstatedinhisplaceonthefarm;andIhaveoftensinceadmiredthepatiencewithwhichhismastertriedtoteachhimhowtodotheeasyworkwhichwashenceforwardcarefullyadjustedtohiscapacity。
Philliswascarrieddown-stairs,andlayforhourafterhourquitesilentonthegreatsofa,drawnupunderthewindowsofthehouse-place。Sheseemedalwaysthesame,gentle,quiet,andsad。Herenergydidnotreturnwithherbodilystrength。Itwassometimespitifultoseeherparents’vainendeavourstorousehertointerest。Onedaytheministerbroughtherasetofblueribbons,remindingherwithatendersmileofaformerconversationinwhichshehadownedtoaloveofsuchfemininevanities。Shespokegratefullytohim,butwhenhewasgoneshelaidthemononeside,andlanguidlyshuthereyes。AnothertimeIsawhermotherbringhertheLatinandItalianbooksthatshehadbeensofondofbeforeherillness——or,rather,beforeHoldsworthhadgoneaway。Thatwasworstofall。Sheturnedherfacetothewall,andcriedassoonashermother’sbackwasturned。Bettywaslayingtheclothfortheearlydinner。Hersharpeyessawthestateofthecase。
’Now,Phillis!’saidshe,cominguptothesofa;’weha’donea’wecanforyou,andth’doctorshasdonea’theycanforyou,andIthinktheLordhasdonea’Hecanforyou,andmorethanyoudeserve,too,ifyoudon’tdosomethingforyourself。IfIwereyou,I’driseupandsnuffthemoon,soonerthanbreakyourfather’sandyourmother’sheartswi’
watchingandwaitingtillitpleasesyoutofightyourOwnwaybacktocheerfulness。There,Ineverfavouredlongpreachings,andI’vesaidmysay。’
AdayortwoafterPhillisaskedme,whenwewerealone,ifIthoughtmyfatherandmotherwouldallowhertogoandstaywiththemforacoupleofmonths。Sheblushedalittleasshefalteredoutherwishforchangeofthoughtandscene。
’Onlyforashorttime,Paul。Then——wewillgobacktothepeaceoftheolddays。Iknowweshall;Ican,andIwill!’(1863)