CONTENTS
　　THEINCONSIDERATEWAITER，J。M。BarrieTHEBLACKPOODLE，F。AnsteyTHATBRUTESIMMONS，ArthurMorrisonAROSEOFTHEGHETTO，I。ZangwillANIDYLOFLONDON，BeatriceHarradenTHEOMNIBUS，"Q"[Quiller-Couch]
　　THEHIREDBABY，MarieCorrelliTHEINCONSIDERATEWAITER
　　BY
　　J。M。BARRIE
　　FrequentlyIhavetoaskmyselfinthestreetforthenameofthemanIbowedtojustnow，andthen，beforeIcananswer，thewindofthefirstcornerblowshimfrommymemory。Ihaveatheory，however，thatthosepuzzlingfaces，whichpassbeforeIcanseewhocutthecoat，allbelongtoclubwaiters。
　　UntilWilliamforcedhisaffairsuponmethatwasallIdidknowoftheprivatelifeofwaiters，thoughIhavebeenintheclubfortwentyyears。Iwasevenunawarewhethertheysleptdownstairsorhadtheirownhomes;norhadItheinteresttoinquireofothermembers，northeytheknowledgetoinformme。Iholdthatthissortofpeopleshouldbefedandclothedandgivenairingandwivesandchildren，andIsubscribeyearly，Ibelieveforthesepurposes;buttocomeintocloserrelationwithwaitersisbadform;theyareclubfittings，andWilliamshouldhavekepthisdistresstohimself，ortakenitawayandpatchedituplikearentinoneofthechairs。Hisinconsideratenesshasbeenapairofspectaclestomeformonths。
　　Itisnotcorrecttastetoknowthenameofaclubwaiter，soImustapologiseforknowingWilliam’s，andstillmorefornotforgettingit。
　　If，again，tospeakofawaiterisbadform，tospeakbitterlyisthecomicdegreeofit。ButWilliamhasdisappointedmesorely。TherewereyearswhenIwoulddeferdiningseveralminutesthathemightwaitonme。Hispainstoreservethewindow-seatformewereperfectlysatisfactory。Iallowedhimprivileges，astosuggestdishes，andwouldgivehiminformation，asthatsomeonehadstartledmeinthereading-roombyslammingadoor。IhaveshownhimhowIcutmyfingerwithapieceofstring。Obviouslyhewasgratifiedbytheseattentions，usuallyrecommendingaliqueur;andIfancyhemusthaveunderstoodmysufferings，forheoftenlookedillhimself。Probablyhewasrheumatic，butIcannotsayforcertain，asIneverthoughtofasking，andhehadthesensetoseethattheknowledgewouldbeoffensivetome。
　　Inthesmoking-roomwehaveawaitersoindependentthatonce，whenhebroughtmeayellowchartreuse，andIsaidIhadorderedgreen，hereplied，"No，sir;yousaidyellow。"Williamcouldneverhavebeenguiltyofsucheffrontery。Inappearance，ofcourse，heismean，butI
　　cannomoredescribehimthanamilkmaidcoulddrawcows。Isupposewedistinguishonewaiterfromanothermuchaswepickourhatfromtherack。WecouldhaveplottedamurdersafelybeforeWilliam。Heneverpresumedtohaveanyopinionsofhisown。Whensuchwasmymoodheremainedsilent，andifIannouncedthatsomethingdivertinghadhappenedtomehelaughedbeforeItoldhimwhatitwas。Heturnedthetwinkleinhiseyeofforonatmybiddingasreadilyasifitwasthegas。Tomy"Suretobewetto-morrow，"hewouldreply，"Yes，sir;"andtoTrelawney’s"Itdoesn’tlooklikerain，"twominutesafterward，hewouldreply，"No，sir。"ItwasonememberwhosaidLightningRodwouldwintheDerbyandanotherwhosaidLightningRodhadnochance，butitwasWilliamwhoagreedwithboth。Hewaslikeacheroot，whichmaybesmokedfromeitherend。SousedwasItohimthat，hadhediedorgotanothersituation（orwhateveritissuchpersonsdowhentheydisappearfromtheclub），Ishouldprobablyhavetoldtheheadwaitertobringhimback，asIdislikedchanges。
　　ItwouldnotbecomemetoknowpreciselywhenIbegantothinkWilliamaningrate，butIdatehislapsefromtheeveningwhenhebroughtmeoysters。Idetestoysters，andnooneknewitbetterthanWilliam。Hehasagreedwithmethathecouldnotunderstandanygentleman’slikingthem。BetweenmeandacertainmemberwhosmackshislipstwelvetimestoadozenofthemWilliamknewIlikedascreentobeplaceduntilwehadreachedthesoup，andyethegavemetheoystersandtheothermanmysardine。BoththeothermemberandIquicklycalledforbrandyandtheheadwaiter。TodoWilliamjustice，heshook，butnevercanI
　　forgethisaudaciousexplanation："Begpardon，sir，butIwasthinkingofsomethingelse。"
　　InthesewordsWilliamhadflungoffthemask，andnowIknewhimforwhathewas。
　　ImustnotbeaccusedofbadformforlookingatWilliamonthefollowingevening。Whatpromptedmetodosowasnotpersonalinterestinhim，butadesiretoseewhetherIdarelethimwaitonmeagain。
　　So，recallingthatacasterwasoffachairyesterday，oneisentitledtomakesurethatitisonto-daybeforesittingdown。Iftheexpressionisnottoostrong，ImaysaythatIwastakenabackbyWilliam’smanner。Evenwhencrossingtheroomtotakemyordershelethisonehandplaynervouslywiththeother。Ihadtorepeat"Sardineontoast"twice，andinsteadofanswering"Yes，sir，"asifmyselectionofsardineontoastwasapersonalgratificationtohim，whichisthemanneroneexpectsofawaiter，heglancedattheclock，thenoutatthewindow，and，starting，asked，"Didyousaysardineontoast，sir？"
　　Itwastheheightofsummer，whenLondonsmellslikeachemist’sshop，andhewhohasthedinner-tableatthewindowneedsnocandlestoshowhimhisknifeandfork。Ilaybackatintervals，nowwatchingastarved-lookingwomansleeponadoor-step，andagaincomplainingoftheclubbananas。By-and-byIsawagirlofthecommonestkind，ill-
　　cladanddirty，asalltheseArabsare。Theirparentsshouldbecompelledtofeedandclothethemcomfortably，oratleasttokeepthemindoors，wheretheycannotoffendoureyes。Suchchildrenareforpushingasidewithone’sumbrella;butthisgirlInoticedbecauseshewasgazingattheclubwindows。ShehadstoodthusforperhapstenminuteswhenIbecameawarethatsomeonewasleaningovermetolookoutatthewindow。Iturnedround。ConceivemyindignationonseeingthattherudepersonwasWilliam。
　　"Howdareyou，William？"Isaid，sternly。Heseemednottohearme。
　　Letmetell，inthemeasuredwordsofonedescribingapastincident，whatthentookplace。Togetnearerthewindowhepressedheavilyonmyshoulder。
　　"William，youforgetyourself！"Isaid，meaning——asIseenow——thathehadforgottenme。
　　Iheardhimgulp，butnottomyreprimand。Hewasscanningthestreet。
　　Hishandschatteredonmyshoulder，and，pushinghimfromme，Isawthathismouthwasagape。
　　"Whatareyoulookingfor？"Iasked。
　　Hestaredatme，andthen，likeonewhohadatlastheardtheechoofmyquestion，seemedtobebroughtbacktotheclub。Heturnedhisfacefrommeforaninstant，andansweredshakily：
　　"Ibegyourpardon，sir！I——Ishouldn’thavedoneit。Arethebananastooripe，sir？"
　　Herecommendedthenuts，andawaitedmyverdictsoanxiouslywhileI
　　ateonethatIwasabouttospeakgraciously，whenIagainsawhiseyesdraghimtothewindow。
　　"William，"Isaid，mypatiencegivingwayatlast，"Idislikebeingwaitedonbyamelancholywaiter。"
　　"Yes，sir，"hereplied，tryingtosmile，andthenbrokeoutpassionately，"ForGod’ssake，sir，tellme，haveyouseenalittlegirlbookinginattheclubwindows？"
　　Hehadbeenagoodwaiteronce，andhisdistractedvisagewasspoilingmydinner。
　　"There，"Isaid，pointingtothegirl，andnodoubtwouldhaveaddedthathemustbringmecoffeeimmediately，hadhecontinuedtolisten。
　　Butalreadyhewasbeckoningtothechild。Ihavenottheleastinterestinher（indeed，ithadneverstruckmethatwaitershadprivateaffairs，andIstillthinkitapitythattheyshouldhave）;
　　butasIhappenedtobelookingoutatthewindowIcouldnotavoidseeingwhatoccurred。AssoonasthegirlsawWilliamsheranintothestreet，regardlessofvehicles，andnoddedthreetimestohim。Thenshedisappeared。
　　Ihavesaidthatshewasquiteacommonchild，withoutattractionofanysort，andyetitwasamazingthedifferenceshemadeinWilliam。
　　Hegaspedrelief，likeonewhohadbrokenthroughtheanxietythatchecksbreathing，andintohisfacetherecameasillylaughofhappiness。Ihaddinedwell，onthewhole，soIsaid：
　　"Iamgladtoseeyoucheerfulagain，William。"
　　ImeantthatIapprovedhischeerfulnessbecauseithelpedmydigestion，buthemustneedsthinkIwassympathisingwithhim。
　　"Thankyou，sir，"heanswered。"Oh，sir！whenshenoddedandIsawitwasallrightIcouldhavegonedownonmykneestoGod。"
　　Iwasasmuchhorrifiedasifhehaddroppedaplateonmytoes。EvenWilliam，disgracefullyemotionalashewasatthemoment，flungouthisarmstorecalltheshamefulwords。
　　"Coffee，William！"Isaid，sharply。
　　Isippedmycoffeeindignantly，foritwasplaintomethatWilliamhadsomethingonhismind。
　　"Youarenotvexedwithme，sir？"hehadthehardihoodtowhisper。
　　"Itwasaliberty，"Isaid。
　　"Iknow，sir;butIwasbesidemyself。"
　　"Thatwasalibertyalso。"
　　Hehesitated，andthenblurtedout：
　　"Itismywife，sir。She——"
　　Istoppedhimwithmyhand。William，whomIhadfavouredinsomanyways，wasamarriedman！ImighthaveguessedasmuchyearsbeforehadIeverreflectedaboutwaiters，forIknewvaguelythathisclassdidthissortofthing。Hisconfessionwasdistastefultome，andIsaidwarningly：
　　"Rememberwhereyouare，William。"
　　"Yes，sir;butyousee，sheissodelicate——"
　　"Delicate！Iforbidyourspeakingtomeonunpleasanttopics。"
　　"Yes，sir;beggingyourpardon。"
　　ItwascharacteristicofWilliamtobegmypardonandwithdrawhiswife，likesomeunsuccessfuldish，asifitstastewouldnotremaininthemouth。Ishallbechidedforquestioninghimfurtherabouthiswife，but，thoughdoubtlessanunusualstep，itwasonlybadformsuperficially，formymotivewasirreproachable。Iinquiredforhiswife，notbecauseIwasinterestedinherwelfare，butinthehopeofallayingmyirritation。SoIamentitledtoinvitethewayfarerwhohasbespatteredmewithmudtoscrapeitoff。
　　IdesiredtobetoldbyWilliamthatthegirl’ssignalsmeanthiswife’srecoverytohealth。Heshouldhaveseenthatsuchwasmywishandansweredaccordingly。But，withthebrutalinconsideratenessofhisclass，hesaid：
　　"Shehashadagoodday;butthedoctor，he——thedoctorisafeardsheisdying。"
　　AlreadyIrepentedmyquestions。Williamandhiswifeseemedinleagueagainstme，whentheymightsoeasilyhavechosensomeothermember。
　　"Pooh！thedoctor，"Isaid。
　　"Yes，sir，"heanswered。
　　"Haveyoubeenmarriedlong，William？"
　　"Eightyears，sir。Eightyearsagoshewas——I——Imindherwhen……
　　andnowthedoctorsays——"
　　Thefellowgapedatme。"Morecoffee，sir？"heasked。
　　"Whatisherailment？"
　　"Shewasalwaysoneofthedelicatekind，butfullofspirit，and——andyousee，shehashadababylately——"
　　"William！"
　　"Andshe——I——thedoctorisafeardshe’snotpickingup。"
　　"Ifeelsureshewillpickup。"
　　"Yes，sir？"
　　ItmusthavebeenthewineIhaddrunkthatmademetellhim：
　　"Iwasoncemarried，William。Mywife——itwasjustsuchacaseasyours。"
　　"Shedidnotgetbettersir？"
　　"No。"
　　Afterapausehesaid，"Thankyou，sir，"meaningforthesympathythatmademetellhimthat。Butitmusthavebeenthewine。
　　"Thatlittlegirlcomesherewithamessagefromyourwife？"
　　"Yes;ifshenodsthreetimesitmeansmywifeisalittlebetter。"
　　"Shenoddedthriceto-day。"
　　"Butsheistoldtodothattorelieveme，andmaybethosenodsdon’ttellthetruth。"
　　"Issheyourgirl？"
　　"No;wehavenonebutthebaby。Sheisaneighbour’s;shecomestwiceaday。"
　　"Itisheartlessofherparentsnottosendhereveryhour。"
　　"Butsheissixyearsold，"hesaid，"andhasahouseandtwosisterstolookafterinthedaytime，andadinnertocook。Gentlefolkdon’tunderstand。"
　　"Isupposeyouliveinsomelowpart，William。"
　　"OffDruryLane，"heanswered，flushing;"but——butitisn’tlow。Yousee，wewereneverusedtoanythingbetter，andImindwhenIletherseethehousebeforeweweremarried，she——sheasortofcriedbecauseshewassoproudofit。Thatwaseightyearsago，andnow——she’safeardshe’lldiewhenI’mawayatmywork。"
　　"Didshetellyouthat？"
　　"Never;shealwayssayssheisfeelingalittlestronger。"
　　"Thenhowcanyouknowsheisafraidofthat？"
　　"Idon’tknowhowIknow，sir;butwhenIamleavingthehouseinthemorningIlookatherfromthedoor，andshelooksatme，andthenI——
　　Iknow。"
　　"Agreenchartreuse，William！"
　　ItriedtoforgetWilliam’svulgarstoryinbilliards，buthehadspoiledmygame。Myopponent，towhomIcangivetwenty，ranoutwhenIwassixty-seven，andIputasidemycuepettishly。Thatinitselfwasbadform，butwhatwouldtheyhavethoughthadtheyknownthatawaiter’simpertinencecausedit！IgrewangrierwithWilliamasthenightworeon，andnextdayIpunishedhimbygivingmyordersthroughanotherwaiter。
　　AsIhadmywindow-seat，Icouldnotbutseethatthegirlwaslateagain。SomehowIdawdledovermycoffee。Ihadaneveningpaperbeforeme，buttherewassolittleinitthatmyeyesfoundmoreofinterestinthestreet。ItdidnotmattertomewhetherWilliam’swifedied，butwhenthatgirlhadpromisedtocome，whydidshenotcome？Theselowerclassesonlygivetheirwordtobreakit。Thecoffeewasundrinkable。
　　AtlastIsawher。Williamwasatanotherwindow，pretendingtodosomethingwiththecurtains。Istoodup，pressingclosertothewindow。ThecoffeehadbeensobadthatIfeltshaky。Shenoddedthreetimes，andsmiled。
　　"Sheisalittlebetter，"Williamwhisperedtome，almostgaily。
　　"Whomareyouspeakingof？"Iasked，coldly，andimmediatelyretiredtothebilliard-room，whereIplayedacapitalgame。Thecoffeewasmuchbettertherethaninthedining-room。
　　Severaldayspassed，andItookcaretoshowWilliamthatIhadforgottenhismaunderings。Ichancedtoseethelittlegirl（thoughI
　　neverlookedforher）everyevening，andshealwaysnoddedthreetimes，saveonce，whensheshookherhead，andthenWilliam’sfacegrewwhiteasanapkin。IrememberthisincidentbecausethatnightI
　　couldnotgetintoapocket。SobadlydidIplaythatthethoughtofitkeptmeawakeinbed，andthat，again，mademewonderhowWilliam’swifewas。NextdayIwenttotheclubearly（whichwasnotmycustom）
　　toseethenewbooks。Beingintheclubatanyrate，Ilookedintothedining-roomtoaskWilliamifIhadleftmyglovesthere，andthesightofhimremindedmeofhiswife;soIaskedforher。Heshookhisheadmournfully，andIwentoffinarage。
　　SoaccustomedamItotheclubthatwhenIdineelsewhereIfeeluncomfortablenextmorning，asifIhadmissedadinner。Williamknewthis;yetherehewas，houndingmeoutoftheclub！ThateveningI
　　dined（asthesayingis）atarestaurant，wherenosaucewasservedwiththeasparagus。Furthermore，asifthatwerenottriumphenoughforWilliam，hisdolefulfacecamebetweenmeandeverydish，andI
　　seemedtoseehiswifedyingtoannoyme。
　　Idinednextdayattheclubforself-preservation，taking，however，atableinthemiddleoftheroom，andengagingawaiterwhohadoncenearlypoisonedmebynotinterferingwhenIputtwolumpsofsugarintomycoffeeinsteadofone，whichismyallowance。ButnoWilliamcametometoacknowledgehishumiliation，andby-and-byIbecameawarethathewasnotintheroom。Suddenlythethoughtstruckmethathiswifemustbedead，andI——ItwastheworstcookedandtheworstserveddinnerIeverhadintheclub。
　　Itriedthesmoking-room。Usuallythetalkthereisentertaining，butonthatoccasionitwassofrivolousthatIdidnotremainfiveminutes。Inthecard-roomamembertoldmeexcitedlythatapolicemanhadspokenrudelytohim;andmystrangecommentwas：
　　"Afterall，itisasmallmatter。"
　　Inthelibrary，whereIhadnotbeenforyears，Ifoundtwomembersasleep，and，tomysurprise，Williamonaladderdustingbooks。
　　"Youhavenotheard，sir？"hesaid，inanswertomyraisedeyebrows。
　　Descendingtheladder，hewhisperedtragically："Itwaslastevening，sir。I——Ilostmyhead，andI——sworeatamember。"
　　IsteppedbackfromWilliam，andglancedapprehensivelyatthetwomembers。Theystillslept。
　　"Ihardlyknew，"Williamwenton，"whatIwasdoingalldayyesterday，forIhadleftmywifesoweaklythat——"
　　Istampedmyfoot。
　　"Ibegyourpardonforspeakingofher，"hehadthegracetosay，"butIcouldn’thelpslippinguptothewindowoftenyesterdaytolookforJenny，andwhenshedidcome，andIsawshewascrying，it——itsortofconfusedme，andIdidn’tknowright，sir，whatIwasdoing。Ihitagainstamember，Mr。MyddletonFinch，andhe——hejumpedandsworeatme。Well，sir，Ihadjusttouchedhimafterall，andIwassomiserable，itakindofstungmetobetreatedlike——likethat，andmeamanaswellashim;andIlostmysenses，and——andIsworeback。"
　　William’sshamedheadsankonhischest，butIevenletpasshisinsolenceinlikeninghimselftoamemberoftheclub，soafraidwasI
　　ofthesleeperswakinganddetectingmeintalkwithawaiter。
　　"FortheloveofGod，"Williamcried，withcoarseemotion，"don’tletthemdismissme！"
　　"Speaklower！"Isaid。"Whosentyouhere？"
　　"Iwasturnedoutofthedining-roomatonce，andtoldtoattendtothelibraryuntiltheyhaddecidedwhattodowithme。Oh，sir，I’lllosemyplace！"
　　Hewasblubbering，asifachangeofwaiters，wasamatterofimportance。
　　"Thisisverybad，William，"Isaid。"IfearIcandonothingforyou。"
　　"Havemercyonadistractedman！"heentreated。"I’llgoonmykneestoMr。MyddletonFinch。"
　　HowcouldIbutdespiseafellowwhowouldbethusabjectforapoundaweek？
　　"Idarenottellher，"hecontinued，"thatIhavelostmyplace。Shewouldjustfallbackanddie。"
　　"Iforbadeyourspeakingofyourwife，"Isaid，sharply，"unlessyoucanspeakpleasantlyofher。"
　　"Butshemaybeworsenow，sir，andIcannotevenseeJennyfromhere。
　　Thelibrarywindowslooktotheback。"
　　"Ifshedies，"Isaid，"itwillbeawarningtoyoutomarryastrongerwomannexttime。"
　　Noweveryoneknowsthatthereislittlerealaffectionamongthelowerorders。Assoonastheyhavelostonematetheytakeanother。
　　YetWilliam，forgettingourrelativepositions，drewhimselfupandraisedhisfist，andifIhadnotsteppedbackIswearhewouldhavestruckme。
　　ThehighlyimproperwordsWilliamusedIwillomit，outofconsiderationforhim。EvenwhilehewasapologisingforthemI
　　retiredtothesmoking-room，whereIfoundthecigarettessobadlyrolledthattheywouldnotkeepalight。AfteralittleIrememberedthatIwantedtoseeMyddletonFinchaboutanimprovedsaddleofwhichafriendofhishasthepatent。Hewasinthenewsroom，and，havingquestionedhimaboutthesaddle，Isaid：
　　"Bytheway，whatisthisstoryaboutyourswearingatoneofthewaiters？"
　　"Youmeanabouthisswearingatme，"MyddletonFinchreplied，reddening。
　　"Iamgladthatwasit，"Isaid;"forIcouldnotbelieveyouguiltyofsuchbadform。"
　　"IfIdidswear——"hewasbeginning，butIwenton：
　　"Theversionwhichhasreachedmewasthatyousworeathim，andherepeatedtheword。Iheardhewastobedismissedandyoureprimanded。"
　　"Whotoldyouthat？"askedMyddletonFinch，whoisatimidman。
　　"Iforget;itisclubtalk，"Ireplied，lightly。"Butofcoursethecommitteewilltakeyourword。Thewaiter，whicheveroneheis，richlydeserveshisdismissalforinsultingyouwithoutprovocation。"
　　Thenourtalkreturnedtothesaddle，butMyddletonFinchwasabstracted，andpresentlyhesaid：
　　"Doyouknow，IfancyIwaswronginthinkingthatthewaitersworeatme，andI’llwithdrawmychargeto-morrow。"
　　MyddletonFinchthenleftme，and，sittingalone，IrealisedthatI
　　hadbeendoingWilliamaservice。TosomeslightextentImayhaveintentionallyhelpedhimtoretainhisplaceintheclub，andInowseethereason，whichwasthathealoneknowspreciselytowhatextentIlikemyclaretheated。
　　ForameresecondIrememberedWilliam’sremarkthatheshouldnotbeabletoseethegirlJennyfromthelibrarywindows。ThenthisrecollectiondrovefrommyheadthatIhadonlydinedinthesensethatmydinner-billwaspaid。Returningtothedining-room，Ihappenedtotakemychairatthewindow，andwhileIwaseatingadeviledkidneyIsawinthestreetthegirlwhosenodshadsuchanabsurdeffectonWilliam。
　　Thechildrenofthepoorareasthoughtlessastheirparents，andthisJennydidnotsigntothewindowsinthehopethatWilliammightseeher，thoughshecouldnotseehim。Herface，whichwasdisgracefullydirty，boredoubtanddismayonit，butwhethershebroughtgoodnewsitwouldnottell。SomehowIhadexpectedhertosignalwhenshesawme，and，thoughhermessagecouldnotinterestme，Iwasinthemoodinwhichoneisirritatedatthatnottakingplacewhichheisawaiting。Ultimatelysheseemedtobemakinguphermindtogoaway。
　　Aboywaspassingwiththeeveningpapers，andIhurriedouttogetone，ratherthoughtlessly，forwehaveallthepapersintheclub。
　　Unfortunately，Imisunderstoodthedirectiontheboyhadtaken;butroundthefirstcorner（outofsightoftheclubwindows）IsawthegirlJenny，andsoaskedherhowWilliam’swifewas。
　　"Didhesendyoutome？"shereplied，impertinentlytakingmeforawaiter。"My！"sheadded，afterasecondscrutiny，"Ib’lieveyou’reoneofthem。Hismissisisabitbetter，andIwastotellhimasshetookallthetapiocar。"
　　"Howcouldyoutellhim？"Iasked。
　　"Iwastodolikethis，"shereplied，andwentthroughthesuppingofsomethingoutofaplateindumb-show。
　　"Thatwouldnotshowsheateallthetapioca，"Isaid。
　　"ButIwastoendlikethis，"sheanswered，lickinganimaginaryplatewithhertongue。
　　Igaveherashilling（togetridofher），andreturnedtotheclubdisgusted。
　　LaterintheeveningIhadtogototheclublibraryforabook，andwhileWilliamwaslookinginvainforit（Ihadforgottenthetitle）I
　　saidtohim：
　　"Bytheway，William，Mr。MyddletonFinchistotellthecommitteethathewasmistakeninthechargehebroughtagainstyou，soyouwilldoubtlessberestoredtothedining-roomto-morrow。"
　　Thetwomemberswerestillintheirchairs，probablysleepinglightly;
　　yethehadtheeffronterytothankme。
　　"Don’tthankme，"Isaid，blushingattheimputation。"Rememberyourplace，William！"
　　"ButMr。MyddletonFinchknewIswore，"heinsisted。
　　"Agentleman，"Ireplied，stiffly，"cannotrememberfortwenty-fourhourswhatawaiterhassaidtohim。"
　　"No，sir;but——"
　　TostophimIhadtosay："And，ah，William，yourwifeisalittlebetter。Shehaseatenthetapioca——allofit。"
　　"Howcanyourknow，sir？"
　　"Byanaccident。"
　　"Jennysignedtothewindow？"
　　"No。"
　　"Thenyousawher，andwentout，and——"
　　"Nonsense！"
　　"Oh，sir，todothatforme！MayGodbl——"
　　"William！"
　　"Forgiveme，sir;but——whenItellmymissis，shewillsayitwasthoughtofyourownwifeasmadeyoudoit。"
　　Hewrungmyhand。Idarednotwithdrawit，lestweshouldwakenthesleepers。
　　Williamreturnedtothedining-room，andIhadtoshowhimthatifhedidnotceaselookinggratefullyatmeImustchangemywaiter。Ialsoorderedhimtostoptellingmenightlyhowhiswifewas，butI
　　continuedtoknow，asIcouldnothelpseeingthegirlJennyfromthewindow。TwiceinaweekIlearnedfromthisobjectionablechildthattheailingwomanhadagaineatenallthetapioca。ThenIbecamesuspiciousofWilliam。Iwilltellwhy。
　　ItbeganwitharemarkofCaptainUpjohn’s。Wehadbeenspeakingoftheinconvenienceofnotbeingabletogetahotdishservedafter1
　　A。M。，andhesaid：
　　"Itisbecausetheselazywaiterswouldstrike。Ifthebeggarshadaloveoftheirworktheywouldnotrushawayfromtheclubthemomentoneo’clockstrikes。Thatglumfellowwhooftenwaitsonyoutakestohisheelsthemomentheisclearoftheclubsteps。Heranintometheothernightatthetopofthestreet，andwasoffwithoutapologising。"
　　"Youmeanthefootofthestreet，Upjohn，"Isaid;forsuchisthewaytoDruryLane。
　　"No;Imeanthetop。Themanwasrunningwest。"
　　"East。"
　　"West。"
　　Ismiled，whichsoannoyedhimthathebetmetwotooneinsovereigns。ThebetcouldhavebeendecidedmostquicklybyaskingWilliamaquestion，butIthought，foolishlydoubtless，thatitmighthurthisfeelings，soIwatchedhimleavetheclub。ThepossibilityofUpjohn’swinningthebethadseemedremotetome。Conceivemysurprise，thereforewhenWilliamwentwestward。
　　Amazed，IpursuedhimalongtwostreetswithoutrealisingthatIwasdoingso。Thencuriosityputmeintoahansom。WefollowedWilliam，anditprovedtobeathree-shillingfare，for，runningwhenhewasinbreathandwalkingwhenhewasoutofit，hetookmetoWestKensington。
　　Idischargedmycab，andfromacrossthestreetwatchedWilliam’sincomprehensiblebehaviour。Hehadstoppedatadingyrowofworkmen’shouses，andknockedatthedarkenedwindowofoneofthem。Presentlyalightshowed。SofarasIcouldsee，someonepulleduptheblindandfortenminutestalkedtoWilliam。Iwasuncertainwhethertheytalked，forthewindowwasnotopened，andIfeltthat，hadWilliamspokenthroughtheglassloudenoughtobeheardinside，Imusthaveheardhimtoo。Yethenoddedandbeckoned。Iwasstillbewilderedwhen，bysettingoffthewayhehadcome，hegavemetheopportunityofgoinghome。
　　Knowingfromthetalkoftheclubwhatthelowerordersare，couldI
　　doubtthatthiswassomediscreditablelove-affairofWilliam’s？Hissolicitudeforhiswifehadbeenmerepretence;sofarasitwasgenuine，itmeantthathefearedshemightrecover。Heprobablytoldherthathewasdetainednightlyintheclubtillthree。
　　Iwasmiserablenextday，andblamedthedeviledkidneysforit。
　　WhetherWilliamwasunfaithfultohiswifewasnothingtome，butI
　　hadtwoplainreasonsforinsistingonhisgoingstraighthomefromhisclub：theonethat，ashehadmademeloseabet，Imustpunishhim;theotherthathecouldwaituponmebetterifhewenttobedbetimes。
　　YetIdidnotquestionhim。Therewassomethinginhisfacethat——
　　Well，Iseemedtoseehisdyingwifeinit。
　　IwassooutofsortsthatIcouldeatnodinner。Ilefttheclub。
　　Happeningtostandforsometimeatthefootofthestreet，IchancedtoseethegirlJennycoming，and——No;letmetellthetruth，thoughthewholeclubreads：Iwaswaitingforher。
　　"HowisWilliam’swifeto-day？"Iasked。
　　"Shetoldmetonodthreetimes，"thelittleslatternreplied;"butshelookedlikenothinkbutadeadonetillshegotthebrandy。
　　"Hush，child！"Isaid，shocked。"Youdon’tknowhowthedeadlook。"
　　"Blessyer，"sheanswered，"don’tIjust！Why，I’vehelpedtolay’emout。I’mgoingonseven。"
　　"IsWilliamgoodtohiswife？"
　　"Courseheis。Ain’tshehismissis？"
　　"Whyshouldthatmakehimgoodtoher？"Iasked，cynically，outofmyknowledgeofthepoor。Butthegirl，precociousinmanyways，hadneverhadanyopportunitiesofstudyingthelowerclassesinthenewspapers，fiction，andclubtalk。Sheshutoneeye，and，lookingupwonderingly，said：
　　"Ain’tyougreen——just！"
　　"WhendoesWilliamreachhomeatnight？"
　　"’Tain’tnight;it’smorning。WhenIwakesupathalfdarkandhalflight，andhearsadoorshutting，Iknowasit’seitherfathergoingofftohisworkorMr。Hickingcomehomefromhis。"
　　"WhoisMr。Hicking？"
　　"Himaswe’vebeenspeakingon——William。Wecallshimmister，’causehe’satoff。Father’sjustdoingjobsinCoventGardens，butMr。
　　Hicking，he’sawaiter，andacleanshirteveryday。Theoldwomanwouldlikefathertobeawaiter，buthehain’tgotthe’ristocraticlook。"
　　"Whatoldwoman？"
　　"Go’long！that’smymother。Isittruethere’sawaiterintheclubjustfortoopenthedoor？"
　　"Yes;but——"
　　"Andanotherjustfortolickthestamps？My！"
　　"Williamleavestheclubatoneo’clock？"Isaid，interrogatively。
　　Shenodded。"Mymother，"shesaid，"isonetotalk，andshesaysMr。
　　Hickingasheshouldgetawayattwelve，’causehismissisneedshimmore’nthegentlemenneedhim。Theoldwomandotalk。"
　　"AndwhatdoesWilliamanswertothat？"
　　"Hesaysasthegentlemancan’tbekeptwaitingfortheircheese。"
　　"ButWilliamdoesnotgostraighthomewhenheleavestheclub？"
　　"That’sthekid。"
　　"Kid！"Iechoed，scarcelyunderstanding，for，knowinghowlittlethepoorlovetheirchildren，IhadaskedWilliamnoquestionsaboutthebaby。
　　"Didn’tyouknowhismissishadakid？"
　　"Yes;butthatisnoexcuseforWilliam’sstayingawayfromhissickwife，"Ianswered，sharply。AbabyinsuchahomeasWilliam’s，I
　　reflected，mustbetrying;butstill——Besides，hisclasscansleepthroughanydin。
　　"Thekidain’tinourcourt，"thegirlexplained。"He’sinW。，heis，andI’veneverbeenoutofW。C。;leastwise，notasIknowson。"
　　"ThisisW。IsupposeyoumeanthatthechildisatWestKensington？
　　Well，nodoubtitwasbetterforWilliam’swifetogetridofthechild——"
　　"Better！"interposedthegirl。"’Tain’tbetterforhernottohavethekid。Ain’thernothavinghimwhatshe’salwaysthinkingonwhenshelookslikeadeadone？"
　　"Howcouldyouknowthat？"
　　"Cause，"answeredthegirl，illustratingherwordswithagesture，"I
　　watchesher，andIseesherarmsgoingthisway，justlikeasshewantedtohugherkid。"
　　"Possiblyyouareright，"Isaid，frowning;"butWilliamhadputthechildouttonursebecauseitdisturbedhisnight’srest。Amanwhohashisworktodo——"
　　"Youaregreen！"
　　"Thenwhyhavethemotherandchildbeenseparated？"
　　"Alongofthattheremeasles。Nearalltheyoung’unsinourcourthas’embad。"
　　"Haveyouhadthem？"
　　"Isaidtheyoung’uns。"
　　"AndWilliamsentthebabytoWestKensingtontoescapeinfection？"
　　"Tookhim，hedid。"
　　"Againsthiswife’swishes？"
　　"Na-o！"
　　"Yousaidshewasdyingforwantofthechild？"
　　"Wouldn’tsheraytherdiethanhavethekiddie？"
　　"Don’tspeaksoheartlessly，child。WhydoesWilliamnotgostraighthomefromtheclub？DoeshegotoWestKensingtontoseeit？"
　　"’Tain’tahit，it’san’e。Coursehedo。"
　　"Thenheshouldnot。Hiswifehasthefirstclaimonhim。"
　　"Ain’tyougreen！It’shismissisaswantshimtogo。Doyouthinkshecouldsleeptillsheknowedhowthekidwas？"
　　"ButhedoesnotgointothehouseatWestKensington？"
　　"Ishesoft？Coursehedon’tgoin，fearoftakingtheinfectiontothekid。Theyjustholdsthekidupatthewindowtohim，soashecanhaveagoodlook。Thenhecomeshomeandtellshismissis。Hesitsfootofthebedandtells。"
　　"Andthattakesplaceeverynight？Hecan’thavemuchtotell。"
　　"Hehasjust。"
　　"Hecanonlysaywhetherthechildiswellorill。"
　　"My！Hetellswhatadifferencethereisinthekidsinceheseedhimlast。"
　　"Therecanbenodifference！"
　　"Go’long！Ain’takidalwaysgrowing？Haven’tMr。Hickingtotellhowthehairisgettingdarker，andheapsofthingsbeside？"
　　"Suchaswhat？"
　　"Likewhetherhelarfed，andifhehashernose，andhowasheknowedhim。Hetellsherthemthingsmore’nonce。"
　　"Andallthistimeheissittingatthefootofthebed？"
　　"’Ceptwhenheholdsherhand。"
　　"Butwhendoeshegettobedhimself？"
　　"Hedon’tgetmuch。Hetellsherashehasasleepattheclub。"
　　"Hecannotsaythat。"
　　"Hain’tIheardhim？Buthedogotohisbedabit，andthentheybothliesquiet，herpretendingsheissleepingsoashecansleep，andhim’feardtosleepcaseheshouldn’twakeuptogiveherthebottlestuff。"
　　"Whatdoesthedoctorsayabouther？"
　　"He’sagoodone，thedoctor。Sometimeshesaysshewouldgetbetterifshecouldseethekidthroughthewindow。"
　　"Nonsense！"
　　"Andifshewastooktothecountry。"
　　"ThenwhydoesnotWilliamtakeher？"
　　"My！youaregreen！Andifshedrankportwines。"
　　"Doesn’tshe？"
　　"No;butWilliam，hetellsheraboutthegentlemendrinkingthem。"
　　OnthetenthdayaftermyconversationwiththisunattractivechildI
　　wasinmybrougham，withthewindowsup，andIsatback，apaperbeforemyfacelestanyoneshouldlookin。Naturally，IwasafraidofbeingseenincompanyofWilliam’swifeandJenny，formenabouttownareuncharitable，and，despitetheexplanationIhadready，mighthavechargedmewithpityingWilliam。Asamatteroffact，WilliamwassendinghiswifeintoSurreytostaywithanoldnurseofmine，andI
　　wasdrivingherdownbecausemyhorsesneededanouting。Besides，I
　　wasgoingthatwayatanyrate。
　　IhadarrangedthatthegirlJenny，whowaswearinganoutrageousbonnet，shouldaccompanyus，because，knowingthegreedofherclass，Ifearedshemightblackmailmeattheclub。
　　Williamjoinedusinthesuburbs，bringingthebabywithhim，asIhadforeseentheywouldallbeoccupiedwithit，andtosavemethetroubleofconversingwiththem。Mrs。HickingIfoundtoopaleandfragileforaworkingman’swife，andIformedameanopinionofherintelligencefromherprideinthebaby，whichwasaveryordinaryone。Shecreatedquiteavulgarscenewhenitwasbroughttoher，thoughshehadgivenmeherwordnottodoso，whatirritatedmeevenmorethanhertearsbeingherill-bredapologythatshe"hadbeen’fearedbabywouldn’tknowheragain。"Iwouldhavetoldhertheydidn’tknowanyoneforyearshadInotbeenafraidofthegirlJenny，whodandledtheinfantonherkneesandtalkedtoitasifitunderstood。Shekeptmeontenter-hooksbyaskingitoffensivequestions，suchas，"’Ooknowwhogivemethatbonnet？"andansweringthemherself，"Itwastheprettygentlemanthere;"andseveraltimesI
　　hadtoaffectsleepbecausesheannounced，"Kiddywantstokisstheprettygentleman。"
　　Irksomeasallthisnecessarilywastoamanoftaste，Isufferedevenmorewhenwereachedourdestination。AswedrovethroughthevillagethegirlJennyutteredshrieksofdelightatthesightofflowersgrowingupthecottagewalls，anddeclaredtheywere"justlikeamusic-’allwithoutthedrinklicense。"Asmyhorsesrequiredarest，I
　　wasforcedtoabandonmyintentionofdroppingthesepersonsattheirlodgingsandreturningtotownatonce，andIcouldnotgototheinnlestIshouldmeetinquisitiveacquaintances。Disagreeablecircumstances，therefore，compelledmetotaketeawithawaiter’sfamily——closetoawindowtoo，throughwhichIcouldseethegirlJennytalkingexcitedlytothevillagers，andtellingthem，Ifeltcertain，thatIhadbeengoodtoWilliam。Ihadadesiretogooutandputmyselfrightwiththosepeople。
　　William’slongconnectionwiththeclubshouldhavegivenhimsomemanners，butapparentlyhisclasscannottakethemon，for，thoughheknewIregardedhisthanksasaninsult，helookedthemwhenhewasnotspeakingthem，andhardlyhadhesatdown，bymyorders，thanherememberedthatIwasamemberoftheclub，andjumpedup。Nothingisinworseformthanwhispering，yetagainandagain，whenhethoughtI
　　wasnotlistening，hewhisperedtoMrs。Hicking，"Youdon’tfeelfaint？"or"Howareyounow？"Hewasalsoinextravagantgleebecausesheatetwocakes（ittakessolittletoputthesepeopleingoodspirits），andwhenshesaidshefeltlikeanotherbeingalreadythefellow’sfacechargedmewiththechange。Icouldnotbutconclude，fromthewayMrs。Hickingletthebabypoundher，thatshewasstrongerthanshehadpretended。
　　Iremainedlongerthanwasnecessary，becauseIhadsomethingtosaytoWilliamwhichIknewhewouldmisunderstand，andsoIputoffsayingit。ButwhenheannouncedthatitwastimeforhimtoreturntoLondon，——atwhichhiswifesuddenlypaled，sothathehadtosigntohernottobreakdown，——Ideliveredthemessage。
　　"William，"Isaid，"theheadwaiteraskedmetosaythatyoucouldtakeafortnight’sholidayjustnow。Yourwageswillbepaidasusual。"
　　Confoundthem！Williamhadmebythehand，andhiswifewasintearsbeforeIcouldreachthedoor。
　　"Isityourdoingagain，sir？"Williamcried。
　　"William！"Isaid，fiercely。
　　"Weoweeverythingtoyou，"heinsisted。"Theportwine——"
　　"BecauseIhadnoroomforitinmycellar。"
　　"ThemoneyforthenurseinLondon——"
　　"BecauseIobjectedtobeingwaitedonbyamanwhogotnosleep。"
　　"Theselodgings——"
　　"BecauseIwantedtodosomethingformyoldnurse。"
　　"Andnow，sir，afortnight’sholiday！"
　　"Good-bye，William！"Isaid，inafury。
　　ButbeforeIcouldgetawayMrs。HickingsignedtoWilliamtoleavetheroom，andthenshekissedmyhand。Shesaidsomethingtome。Itwasaboutmywife。SomehowI——WhatbusinesshadWilliamtotellheraboutmywife？
　　TheyareallbackinDruryLanenow，andWilliamtellsmethathiswifesingsatherworkjustasshedideightyearsago。Ihavenointerestinthis，andtrytocheckhistalkofit;butsuchpeoplehavenosenseofpropriety，andheevenspeaksofthegirlJenny，whosentmelatelyagaudypairofworstedglovesworkedbyherownhand。
　　Themeanestadvantagetheytookofmyweakness，however，wasincallingtheirbabyafterme。Ihaveanuncomfortablesuspicion，too，thatWilliamhasgiventheotherwaitershisversionoftheaffair;
　　butIfeelsafesolongasitdoesnotreachthecommittee。
　　THEBLACKPOODLE
　　BY
　　F。ANSTEY
　　Ihavesetmyselfthetaskofrelatinginthecourseofthisstory，withoutsuppressingoralteringasingledetail，themostpainfulandhumiliatingepisodeofmylife。
　　Idothis，notbecauseitwillgivemetheleastpleasure，butsimplybecauseitaffordsmeanopportunityofextenuatingmyself，whichhashithertobeenwhollydeniedtome。
　　Asageneralrule，Iamquiteawarethattopublishalengthyexplanationofone’sconductinanyquestionabletransactionisnotthebestmeansofrecoveringalostreputation;butinmyowncasethereisonetowhomIshallnevermorebepermittedtojustifybywordofmouth——evenifIfoundmyselfabletoattemptit。Andasshecouldnotpossiblythinkworseofmethanshedoesatpresent，Iwritethis，knowingitcandomenoharm，andfaintlyhopingthatitmaycometohernoticeandsuggestadoubtwhetherIamquitesounscrupulousavillain，soconsummateahypocrite，asIhavebeenforcedtoappearinhereyes。
　　Thebarechanceofsucharesultmakesmeperfectlyindifferenttoallelse;Icheerfullyexposetothederisionofthewholereadingworldthestoryofmyweaknessandmyshame，sincebydoingsoImaypossiblyrehabilitatemyselfsomewhatinthegoodopinionofoneperson。
　　Havingsaidsomuch，Iwillbeginmyconfessionwithoutfurtherdelay。
　　MynameisAlgernonWeatherhead，andImayaddthatIaminoneofthegovernmentdepartments，thatIamanonlyson，andliveathomewithmymother。
　　WehadhadahouseatHammersmithuntiljustbeforetheperiodcoveredbythishistory，when，ourleaseexpiring，mymotherdecidedthatmyhealthrequiredcountryairatthecloseoftheday，andsowetooka"desirablevillaresidence"ononeofthemanynewbuildingestateswhichhavelatelysprungupinsuchprofusioninthehomecounties。
　　Wehavecalledit"WistariaVilla。"Itisaprettylittleplace，thelastofarowofdetachedvillas，eachwithitstinyrusticcarriage-
　　gateandgravelsweepinfront，andlawnenoughforatennis-courtbehind，whichlinestheroadleadingoverthehilltotherailway-
　　station。
　　Icouldcertainlyhavewishedthatourlandlord，shortlyaftergivingustheagreement，couldhavefoundsomeotherplacetohanghimselfinthanoneofourattics，fortheconsequencewasthatahousemaidleftusinviolenthystericsabouteverytwomonths，havinglearnedthetragedyfromthetradespeople，andnaturally"seenasomethink"
　　immediatelyafterward。
　　Stillitisapleasanthouse，andIcannowalmostforgivethelandlordforwhatIshallalwaysconsideranactofgrossselfishnessonhispart。
　　Inthecountry，evensoneartown，anext-doorneighborissomethingmorethanamerenumeral;heisapossibleacquaintance，whowillatleastconsideranew-comerasworththeexperimentofacall。Isoonknewthat"Shuturgarden，"thenexthousetoourown，wasoccupiedbyaColonelCurrie，aretiredIndianofficer;andoften，asacrossthelowboundarywallIcaughtaglimpseofagracefulgirlishfigureflittingaboutamongtherose-bushesintheneighbouringgarden，Iwouldlosemyselfinpleasantanticipationsofatimenottoofardistantwhenthewallwhichseparateduswouldbe（metaphorically）levelled。
　　Iremember——ah，howvividly！——thethrillofexcitementwithwhichI
　　heardfrommymother，onreturningfromtownoneevening，thattheCurrieshadcalled，andseemeddisposedtobeallthatwasneighbourlyandkind。
　　Iremember，too，theSundayafternoononwhichIreturnedtheircall——
　　alone，asmymotherhadalreadydonesoduringtheweek。Iwasstandingonthestepsofthecolonel’svilla，waitingforthedoortoopen，whenIwasstartledbyafurioussnarlingandyappingbehind，and，lookinground，discoveredalargepoodleintheactofmakingformylegs。
　　Hewasacoal-blackpoodle，withhalfofhisrighteargone，andabsurdlittlethickmoustachesattheendofhisnose;hewasshavedintheshamlionfashion，whichisconsidered，forsomemysteriousreason，toimproveapoodle，butthebarberhadleftsundrylittletuftsofhair，whichstuddedhishaunchescapriciously。
　　Icouldnothelpbeingreminded，asIlookedathim，ofanotherblackpoodle，whichFaustentertainedforashorttimewithunhappyresults，andIthoughtthataverymoderatedegreeofincantationwouldbeenoughtobringthefiendoutofthisbrute。
　　Hemademeintenselyuncomfortable，forIamofaslightlynervoustemperament，withaconstitutionalhorrorofdogs，andaliabilitytoattacksofdiffidenceonperformingtheordinarysocialritesunderthemostfavourableconditions，andcertainlytheconsciousnessthatastrangeandapparentlysavagedogwasengagedinworryingtheheelsofmybootswasthereverseofreassuring。
　　TheCurriefamilyreceivedmewithallpossiblekindness。"Socharmedtomakeyouracquaintance，Mr。Weatherhead，"saidMrs。Currie，asI
　　shookhands。"Isee，"sheadded，pleasantly，"you’vebroughtthedoggieinwithyou。"Asamatteroffact，Ihadbroughtthedoggieinattheendsofmycoat-tails;butitwasevidentlynounusualoccurrenceforvisitorstoappearinthisundignifiedmanner，forshedetachedhimquiteasamatterofcourse，andassoonasIwassufficientlycollectedwefellintoconversation。
　　Idiscoveredthatthecolonelandhiswifewerechildless，andtheslenderwillowyfigureIhadseenacrossthegardenwallwasthatofLilianRoseblade，theirnieceandadopteddaughter。Shecameintotheroomshortlyafterward，andIfelt，asIwentthroughtheformofanintroduction，thathersweet，freshface，shadedbysoftmassesofdusky-brownhair，morethanjustifiedallthedreamyhopesandfancieswithwhichIhadlookedforwardtothatmoment。
　　Shetalkedtomeinapretty，confidential，appealingway，whichI
　　haveheardherdearestfriendscensureaschildishandaffected;butI
　　thoughtthenthathermannerhadanindescribablecharmandfascinationaboutit，andthememoryofitmakesmyheartachenowwithapangthatisnotallpain。
　　EvenbeforethecolonelmadehisappearanceIhadbeguntoseethatmyenemy，thepoodle，occupiedanexceptionalpositioninthathousehold。
　　ItwasabundantlyclearbythetimeItookmyleave。
　　Heseemedtobethecentreoftheirdomesticsystem，andevenlovelyLilianrevolvedcontentedlyaroundhimasakindofsatellite;hecoulddonowronginhisowner’seyes，hisprejudices（andhewasanarrow-mindedanimal）wererigorouslyrespected，andalldomesticarrangementsweremadewithaprimaryviewtohisconvenience。
　　Imaybewrong，butIcannotthinkthatitiswisetoputanypoodleuponsuchapedestalasthat。Howthisoneinparticular，asordinaryaquadrupedaseverbreathed，hadcontrivedtoimposethusuponhisinfatuatedproprietors，Inevercouldunderstand，butsoitwas;heevenengrossedthechiefpartoftheconversation，whichafteranylullseemedtoveerroundtohimbyasortofnaturallaw。
　　Ihadtoendurealongbiographicalsketchofhim，——whatasocietypaperwouldcallan"anecdotalphoto，"——andeachfreshanecdoteseemedtometoexhibitthedepravedmalignityofthebeastinamoreglaringlight，andrenderthedotingadmirationofthefamilymoreastoundingthanever。
　　"DidyoutellMr。Weatherhead，Lily，aboutBingo"（Bingowasthepoodle’spreposterousname）"andTacks？No？Oh，I/must/tellhimthat;it’llmakehimlaugh。Tacksisourgardenerdowninthevillage（d’yeknowTacks？）。Well，Tackswasupheretheotherday，nailingupsometrellis-workatthetopofaladder，andallthetimetherewasMasterBingosittingquietlyatthefootofitlookingon;wouldn’tleaveitonanyaccount。Tackssaidhewasquitecompanyforhim。
　　Well，atlast，whenTackshadfinishedandwascomingdown，whatdoyouthingthatrascaltheredid？Justsneakedquietlyupbehindandnippedhiminbothcalvesandranoff。Beenlookingoutforthatthewholetime！Ha，ha！——deepthat，eh？"
　　Iagreed，withaninwardshudder，thatitwasverydeep，thinkingprivatelythat，ifthiswasaspecimenofBingo’susualtreatmentofthenatives，itwouldbeoddifhedidnotfindhimselfdeeperstillbefore——probably/just/before——hedied。
　　"Poor，faithfulolddoggie！"murmuredMrs。Currie;"hethoughtTackswasanastyburglar，didn’the？Hewasn’tgoingtoseemasterrobbedwashe？"
　　"Capitalhouse-dog，sir，"struckinthecolonel。"Gad，IshallneverforgethowhemadepoorHeavisidesrunforittheotherday！EvermetHeavisidesoftheBombayFusileers？Well，Heavisideswasstayinghere，andthedogmethimonemorningashewascomingdownfromthebath-
　　room。Didn’trecognisehimin’pajamas’andadressing-gown，ofcourse，andmadeathim。HekeptpooroldHeavisidesoutsidethelandingwindowontopofthecisternforaquarterofanhour，tillI
　　hadtocomeandraisethesiege！"
　　Suchwerethestoriesofthatabandoneddog’sblunderheadedferocitytowhichIwasforcedtolisten，whileallthetimethebrutesatoppositemeonthehearth-rug，blinkingatmefromunderhisshaggymanewithhisevil，blearedeyes，anddeliberatingwherehewouldhavemewhenIrosetogo。