GreatGeorgeStreet，Westminster，istheaddressofDoyleandBroadbent，civilengineers。OnthethresholdonereadsthatthefirmconsistsofMrLawrenceDoyleandMrThomasBroadbent，andthattheirroomsareonthefirstfloor。Mostoftheirroomsareprivate;forthepartners，beingbachelorsandbosomfriends，livethere;andthedoormarkedPrivate，nexttheclerks’office，istheirdomesticsittingroomaswellastheirreceptionroomforclients。Letmedescribeitbrieflyfromthepointofviewofasparrowonthewindowsill。Theouterdoorisintheoppositewall，closetotherighthandcorner。Betweenthisdoorandthelefthandcornerisahatstandandatableconsistingoflargedrawingboardsontrestles，withplans，rollsoftracingpaper，mathematicalinstrumentsandotherdraughtsman’saccessoriesonit。Inthelefthandwallisthefireplace，andthedoorofaninnerroombetweenthefireplaceandourobservantsparrow。
　　Againsttherighthandwallisafilingcabinet，withacupboardonit，and，nearer，atallofficedeskandstoolforoneperson。
　　Inthemiddleoftheroomalargedoublewritingtableissetacross，withachairateachendforthetwopartners。Itisaroomwhichnowomanwouldtolerate，smellingoftobacco，andmuchinneedofrepapering，repainting，andrecarpeting;butthisittheeffectofbacheloruntidinessandindifference，notwantofmeans;fornothingthatDoyleandBroadbentthemselveshavepurchasedischeap;norisanythingtheywantlacking。OnthewallshangalargemapofSouthAmerica，apictorialadvertisementofasteamshipcompany，animpressiveportraitofGladstone，andseveralcaricaturesofMrBalfourasarabbitandMrChamberlainasafoxbyFrancisCarruthersGould。
　　Attwentyminutestofiveo’clockonasummerafternoonin1904，theroomisempty。Presentlytheouterdoorisopened，andavaletcomesinladenwithalargeGladstonebag，andastrapofrugs。Hecarriesthemintotheinnerroom。Heisarespectablevalet，oldenoughtohavelostallalacrity，andacquiredanairofputtinguppatientlywithagreatdealoftroubleandindifferenthealth。TheluggagebelongstoBroadbent，whoentersafterthevalet。Hepullsoffhisovercoatandhangsitwithhishatonthestand。Thenhecomestothewritingtableandlooksthroughtheletterswhicharewaitingforhim。Heisarobust，full-blooded，energeticmanintheprimeoflife，sometimeseagerandcredulous，sometimesshrewdandroguish，sometimesportentouslysolemn，sometimesjollyandimpetuous，alwaysbuoyantandirresistible，mostlylikeable，andenormouslyabsurdinhismostearnestmoments。Heburstsopenhisletterswithhisthumb，andglancesthroughthem，flingingtheenvelopesaboutthefloorwithrecklessuntidinesswhilsthetalkstothevalet。
　　BROADBENT[calling]Hodson。
　　HODSON[inthebedroom]Yessir。
　　BROADBENT。Don’tunpack。JusttakeoutthethingsI’veworn;andputincleanthings。
　　HODSON[appearingatthebedroomdoor]Yessir。[Heturnstogobackintothebedroom。
　　BROADBENT。Andlookhere！[Hodsonturnsagain]。DoyourememberwhereIputmyrevolver？
　　HODSON。Revolver，sir？Yessir。MrDoyleusesitasapaper-weight，sir，whenhe’sdrawing。
　　BROADBENT。Well，Iwantitpacked。There’sapacketofcartridgessomewhere，Ithink。Finditandpackitaswell。
　　HODSON。Yessir。
　　BROADBENT。Bytheway，packyourowntrapstoo。Ishalltakeyouwithmethistime。
　　HODSON[hesitant]。Isitadangerouspartyou’regoingto，sir？
　　ShouldIbeexpectedtocarryarevolver，sir？
　　BROADBENT。Perhapsitmightbeaswell。I’mgoingtoIreland。
　　HODSON[reassured]。Yessir。
　　BROADBENT。Youdon’tfeelnervousaboutit，Isuppose？
　　HODSON。Notatall，sir。I’llriskit，sir。
　　BROADBENT。HaveyoueverbeeninIreland？
　　HODSON。Nosir。Iunderstandit’saverywetclimate，sir。I’dbetterpackyourindia-rubberoveralls。
　　BROADBENT。Do。Where’sMrDoyle？
　　HODSON。I’mexpectinghimatfive，sir。Hewentoutafterlunch。
　　BROADBENT。Anybodybeenlookingforme？
　　HODSON。ApersongivingthenameofHaffiganhascalledtwiceto-
　　day，sir。
　　BROADBENT。Oh，I’msorry。Whydidn’thewait？ItoldhimtowaitifIwasn’tin。
　　HODSON。WellSir，Ididn’tknowyouexpectedhim;soIthoughtitbestto——to——nottoencouragehim，sir。
　　BROADBENT。Oh，he’sallright。He’sanIrishman，andnotveryparticularabouthisappearance。
　　HODSON。Yessir，InoticedthathewasratherIrish……
　　BROADBENT。Ifhecallsagainlethimcomeup。
　　HODSON。IthinkIsawhimwaitingabout，sir，whenyoudroveup。
　　ShallIfetchhim，sir？
　　BROADBENT。Do，Hodson。
　　HODSON。Yessir[Hemakesfortheouterdoor]。
　　BROADBENT。He’llwanttea。Letushavesome。
　　HODSON[stopping]。Ishouldn’tthinkhedranktea，sir。
　　BROADBENT。Well，bringwhateveryouthinkhe’dlike。
　　HODSON。Yessir[Anelectricbellrings]。Hereheis，sir。Sawyouarrive，sir。
　　BROADBENT。Right。Showhimin。[Hodsongoesout。BroadbentgetsthroughtherestofhislettersbeforeHodsonreturnswiththevisitor]。
　　HODSON。MrAffigan。
　　Haffiganisastunted，shortnecked，smallheaded，redhairedmanofabout30，withreddenednoseandfurtiveeyes。Heisdressedinseedyblack，almostclerically，andmightbeatenth-rateschoolmasterruinedbydrink。HehastenstoshakeBroadbent’shandwithashowofrecklessgenialityandhighspirits，helpedoutbyarollickingstagebrogue。Thisisperhapsacomforttohimself，asheissecretlypursuedbythehorrorsofincipientdeliriumtremens。
　　HAFFIGAN。TimHaffigan，sir，atyourservice。Thetopothemornintoyou，MistherBroadbent。
　　BROADBENT[delightedwithhisIrishvisitor]。Goodafternoon，MrHaffigan。
　　TIM。Anisittheafthernoonitisalready？Begorra，whatIcallthemorninisallthetimeamanfastsaftherbreakfast。
　　BROADBENT。Haven’tyoulunched？
　　TIM。Divilalunch！
　　BROADBENT。I’msorryIcouldn’tgetbackfromBrightonintimetoofferyousome;but——
　　TIM。Notaword，sir，notaword。Sureit’lldotomorrow。
　　Besides，I’mIrish，sir：apoorather，butapowerfuldhrinker。
　　BROADBENT。Iwasjustabouttoringforteawhenyoucame。Sitdown，MrHaffigan。
　　TIM。Tayisagooddhrinkifyournervescanstandit。Minecan’t。
　　Haffigansitsdownatthewritingtable，withhisbacktothefilingcabinet。Broadbentsitsoppositehim。Hodsonentersemptyhanded;takestwoglasses，asiphon，andatantalusfromthecupboard;placesthembeforeBroadbentonthewritingtable;
　　looksruthlesslyatHaffigan，whocannotmeethiseye;andretires。
　　BROADBENT。Tryawhiskyandsoda。
　　TIM[sobered]。Thereyoutouchthenationalwakeness，sir。
　　[Piously]NotthatIshareitmeself。I’veseentoomuchofthemischiefofit。
　　BROADBENT[pouringthewhisky]。Saywhen。
　　TIM。Nottoosthrong。[Broadbentstopsandlooksenquiringlyathim]。Sayhalf-an-half。[Broadbent，somewhatstartledbythisdemand，poursalittlemore，andagainstopsandlooks]。Justadhrainmore：thelowerhalfothetumblerdoesn’tholdafairhalf。Thankya。
　　BROADBENT[laughing]。YouIrishmencertainlydoknowhowtodrink。[Pouringsomewhiskyforhimself]Nowthat’smypoorEnglishideaofawhiskyandsoda。
　　TIM。Anaverygoodideaitistoo。Dhrinkisthecurseomeunhappycounthry。ItakeitmeselfbecauseI’veawakeheartandapoordigestion;butinprincipleI’mateetoatler。
　　BROADBENT[suddenlysolemnandstrenuous]。SoamI，ofcourse。
　　I’maLocalOptionisttothebackbone。Youhavenoidea，MrHaffigan，oftheruinthatiswroughtinthiscountrybytheunholyallianceofthepublicans，thebishops，theTories，andTheTimes。Wemustclosethepublic-housesatallcosts[hedrinks]。
　　TIM。SureIknow。It’sawful[hedrinks]。Iseeyou’reagoodLiberallikemeself，sir。
　　BROADBENT。Iamaloverofliberty，likeeverytrueEnglishman，MrHaffigan。MynameisBroadbent。IfmynamewereBreitstein，andIhadahookednoseandahouseinParkLane，IshouldcarryaUnionJackhandkerchiefandapennytrumpet，andtaxthefoodofthepeopletosupporttheNavyLeague，andclamorforthedestructionofthelastremnantsofnationalliberty——
　　TIM。Notanotherword。Shakehands。
　　BROADBENT。ButIshouldliketoexplain——
　　TIM。SureIknoweverywordyou’regointosaybeforeyevsaidit。Iknowthesortomanyar。Ansoyou’rethinkinocomintoIrelandforabit？
　　BROADBENT。WhereelsecanIgo？IamanEnglishmanandaLiberal;
　　andnowthatSouthAfricahasbeenenslavedanddestroyed，thereisnocountrylefttometotakeaninterestinbutIreland。
　　Mind：Idon’tsaythatanEnglishmanhasnototherduties。HehasadutytoFinlandandadutytoMacedonia。ButwhatsanemancandenythatanEnglishman’sfirstdutyishisdutytoIreland？
　　Unfortunately，wehavepoliticiansheremoreunscrupulousthanBobrikoff，morebloodthirstythanAbdultheDamned;anditisundertheirheelthatIrelandisnowwrithing。
　　TIM。Faith，they’vereckonedupwithpooroulBobrikoffanyhow。
　　BROADBENT。NotthatIdefendassassination：Godforbid！HoweverstronglywemayfeelthattheunfortunateandpatrioticyoungmanwhoavengedthewrongsofFinlandontheRussiantyrantwasperfectlyrightfromhisownpointofview，yeteverycivilizedmanmustregardmurderwithabhorrence。NotevenindefenceofFreeTradewouldIliftmyhandagainstapoliticalopponent，howeverrichlyhemightdeserveit。
　　TIM。I’msureyouwouldn’t;andIhonoryouforit。You’regointoIreland，then，outosympithy：isit？
　　BROADBENT。I’mgoingtodevelopanestatetherefortheLandDevelopmentSyndicate，inwhichIaminterested。Iamconvincedthatallitneedstomakeitpayistohandleitproperly，asestatesarehandledinEngland。YouknowtheEnglishplan，MrHaffigan，don’tyou？
　　TIM。BedadIdo，sir。TakeallyoucanoutofIrelandandspenditinEngland：that’sit。
　　BROADBENT[notquitelikingthis]。Myplan，sir，willbetotakealittlemoneyoutofEnglandandspenditinIreland。
　　TIM。Morepowertoyourelbow！anmayyourshaddaneverbeless！
　　foryou’rethebrothofaboyintirely。AnhowcanIhelpyou？
　　Commandmetothelastdhropomeblood。
　　BROADBENT。HaveyoueverheardofGardenCity？
　　TIM[doubtfully]。D’yemaneHeavn？
　　BROADBENT。Heaven！No：it’snearHitchin。IfyoucansparehalfanhourI’llgointoitwithyou。
　　TIM。Itellyouhwat。Gimmeaprospectus。Lemmetakeithomeandreflectonit。
　　BROADBENT。You’requiteright：Iwill。[HegiveshimacopyofMrEbenezerHoward’sbook，andseveralpamphlets]。Youunderstandthatthemapofthecity——thecircularconstruction——isonlyasuggestion。
　　TIM。I’llmakeacarefulnoteothat[lookingdazedlyatthemap]。
　　BROADBENT。WhatIsayis，whynotstartaGardenCityinIreland？
　　TIM[withenthusiasm]。That’sjustwhatwasonthetipometonguetoaskyou。Whynot？[Defiantly]Tellmewhynot。
　　BROADBENT。Therearedifficulties。Ishallovercomethem;buttherearedifficulties。WhenIfirstarriveinIrelandIshallbehatedasanEnglishman。AsaProtestant，Ishallbedenouncedfromeveryaltar。Mylifemaybeindanger。Well，Iampreparedtofacethat。
　　TIM。Neverfear，sir。Weknowhowtorespictabraveinnimy。
　　BROADBENT。WhatIreallydreadismisunderstanding。Ithinkyoucouldhelpmetoavoidthat。WhenIheardyouspeaktheothereveninginBermondseyatthemeetingoftheNationalLeague，I
　　sawatoncethatyouwere——Youwon’tmindmyspeakingfrankly？
　　TIM。Tellmeallmefaultsasmantoman。Icanstandanythingbutflatthery。
　　BROADBENT。MayIputitinthisway？——thatIsawatoncethatyouwereathoroughIrishman，withallthefaultsandall，thequalitiesofyourrace：rashandimprovidentbutbraveandgoodnatured;notlikelytosucceedinbusinessonyourownaccountperhaps，buteloquent，humorous，aloveroffreedom，andatruefollowerofthatgreatEnglishmanGladstone。
　　TIM。Sparemeblushes。Imustn’tsitheretobepraisedtomeface。ButIconfesstothegoodnature：it’sanIrishwakeness。
　　I’dsharemelastshillinwithafriend。
　　BROADBENT。Ifeelsureyouwould，MrHaffigan。
　　TIM[impulsively]。Damnit！callmeTim。AmanthattalksaboutIrelandasyoudomaycallmeanything。Gimmeahowltothatwhiskybottle[hereplenishes]。
　　BROADBENT[smilingindulgently]。Well，Tim，willyoucomewithmeandhelptobreaktheicebetweenmeandyourwarmhearted，impulsivecountrymen？
　　TIM。WillIcometoMadagascarorCochinChinawidyou？BedadI’llcometotheNorthPolewidyouifyllpaymefare;forthedivilashillinIhavetobuyathirdclassticket。
　　BROADBENT。I’venotforgottenthat，Tim。WemustputthatlittlematteronasolidEnglishfooting，thoughtherestcanbeasIrishasyouplease。Youmustcomeasmy——my——well，Ihardlyknowwhattocallit。Ifwecallyoumyagent，they’llshootyou。Ifwecallyouabailiff，they’llduckyouinthehorsepond。Ihaveasecretaryalready;and——
　　TIM。Thenwe’llcallhimtheHomeSecretaryandmetheIrishSecretary。Eh？
　　BROADBENT[laughingindustriously]。Capital。YourIrishwithassettledthefirstdifficulty。Nowaboutyoursalary——
　　TIM。Asalary，isit？SureI’ddoitfornothin，onlymecloesuddisgraceyou;andI’dbedhriventoborramoneyfromyourfriends：athingthat’saginmenacher。ButIwon’ttakeapennymorethanahundherdayear。[HelookswithrestlesscunningatBroadbent，tryingtoguesshowfarhemaygo]。
　　BROADBENT。Ifthatwillsatisfyyou——
　　TIM[morethanreassured]。Whyshouldn’titsatisfyme？A
　　hundherdayearistwelve-poundamonth，isn’tit？
　　BROADBENT。No。Eightpoundsixandeightpence。
　　TIM。Ohmurdher！AnI’llhavetosindfivetimmepooroulmotherinIreland。Butnomatther：Isaidahundherd;andwhatIsaidI’llstickto，ifIhavetostarveforit。
　　BROADBENT[withbusinesscaution]。Well，letussaytwelvepoundsforthefirstmonth。Afterwards，weshallseehowwegeton。
　　TIM。You’reagentleman，sir。Whinmemotherturnsuphertoes，youshalltakethefivepoundsoff;foryourexpinsesmustbekepdownwidasthronghand;an——[HeisinterruptedbythearrivalofBroadbent’spartner。]
　　MrLaurenceDoyleisamanof36，withcoldgreyeyes，strainednose，finefastidiouslips，criticalbrown，cleverhead，ratherrefinedandgoodlookingonthewhole，butwithasuggestionofthinskinednessanddissatisfactionthatcontrastsstronglywithBroadbent’seupepticjollity。
　　Hecomesinasamanathomethere，butonseeingthestrangershrinksatonce，andisabouttowithdrawwhenBroadbentreassureshim。Hethencomesforwardtothetable，betweenthetwoothers。
　　DOYLE[retreating]。You’reengaged。
　　BROADBENT。Notatall，notatall。Comein。[ToTim]Thisgentlemanisafriendwholiveswithmehere：mypartner，MrDoyle。[ToDoyle]ThisisanewIrishfriendofmine，MrTimHaffigan。
　　TIM[risingwitheffusion]。Sureit’smeselfthat’sproudtomeetanyfriendoMistherBroadbent’s。Thetopothemornintoyou，sir！Meheartgoesoutteeyeboth。It’snotoftenImeettwosuchsplendidspecimentsivtheAnglo-Saxonrace。
　　BROADBENT[chuckling]Wrongforonce，Tim。MyfriendMrDoyleisacountrymanofyours。
　　Timisnoticeablydashedbythisannouncement。Hedrawsinhishornsatonce，andscowlssuspiciouslyatDoyleunderavanishingmarkofgoodfellowship：cringingalittle，too，inmerenervelessfearofhim。
　　DOYLE[withcooldisgust]。Goodevening。[Heretirestothefireplace，andsaystoBroadbentinatonewhichconveysthestrongestpossiblehinttoHaffiganthatheisunwelcome]Willyousoonbedisengaged？
　　TIM[hisbroguedecayingintoacommonwould-begenteelaccentwithanunexpectedstrainofGlasgowinit]。Imustbegoing。
　　Ivnmportntengeegementinthewestend。
　　BROADBENT[rising]。It’ssettled，then，thatyoucomewithme。
　　TIM。Ish’llbeverrapleasedtoaccompanyye，sir。
　　BROADBENT。Buthowsoon？Canyoustarttonight——fromPaddington？
　　WegobyMilfordHaven。
　　TIM[hesitating]。Well——I’mafreed——I[Doylegoesabruptlyintothebedroom，slammingthedoorandshatteringthelastremnantofTim’snerve。ThepoorwretchsaveshimselffromburstingintotearsbyplungingagainintohisroleofdaredevilIrishman。HerushestoBroadbent;plucksathissleevewithtremblingfingers;
　　andpoursforthhisentreatywithallthebroguebecanmuster，subduinghisvoicelestDoyleshouldhearandreturn]。MistherBroadbent：don’thumiliatemebeforeafellacounthryman。Lookhere：mecloesisupthespout。Gimmeafypounnote——I’llpayyanexchoosdawhinmeshipcomeshome——oryoucanstopitoutomemonth’ssallery。I’llbeontheplatformatPaddntonpunctialanready。Gimmeitquick，beforehecomesback。Youwon’tmindmeaxin，willye？
　　BROADBENT。Notatall。Iwasabouttoofferyouanadvancefortravellingexpenses。[Hegiveshimabanknote]。
　　TIM[pocketingit]。Thankyou。I’llbetherehalfanhourbeforethethrainstarts。[Larryisheardatthebedroomdoor，returning]。Whisht：he’scominback。GoodbyeanGodblessye。[Hehurriesoutalmostcrying，the5poundnoteandallthedrinkitmeanstohimbeingtoomuchforhisemptystomachandoverstrainednerves]。
　　DOYLE[returning]。Wherethedevildidyoupickupthatseedyswindler？Whatwashedoinghere？[Hegoesuptothetablewheretheplansare，andmakesanoteononeofthem，referringtohispocketbookasbedoesso]。
　　BROADBENT。Thereyougo！WhyareyousodownoneveryIrishmanyoumeet，especiallyifhe’sabitshabby？poordevil！Surelyafellow-countrymanmaypassyouthetopofthemorningwithoutoffence，evenifhiscoatisabitshinyattheseams。
　　DOYLE[contemptuously]。Thetopofthemorning！Didhecallyouthebrothofaboy？[Hecomestothewritingtable]。
　　BROADBENT[triumphantly]。Yes。
　　DOYLE。Andwishedyoumorepowertoyourelbow？
　　BROADBENT。Hedid。
　　DOYLE。Andthatyourshadowmightneverbeless？
　　BROADBENT。Certainly。
　　DOYLE[takingupthedepletedwhiskybottleandshakinghisheadatit]。Andhegotabouthalfapintofwhiskyoutofyou。
　　BROADBENT。Itdidhimnoharm。Heneverturnedahair。
　　DOYLE。Howmuchmoneydidheborrow？
　　BROADBENT。Itwasnotborrowingexactly。Heshowedaveryhonorablespiritaboutmoney。Ibelievehewouldsharehislastshillingwithafriend。
　　DOYLE。Nodoubthewouldsharehisfriend’slastshillingifhisfriendwasfoolenoughtolethim。Howmuchdidhetouchyoufor？
　　BROADBENT。Oh，nothing。Anadvanceonhissalary——fortravellingexpenses。
　　DOYLE。Salary！InHeaven’sname，whatfor？
　　BROADBENT。ForbeingmyHomeSecretary，asheverywittilycalledit。
　　DOYLE。Idon’tseethejoke。
　　BROADBENT。Youcanspoilanyjokebybeingcoldbloodedaboutit。
　　Isawitallrightwhenhesaidit。Itwassomething——somethingreallyveryamusing——abouttheHomeSecretaryandtheIrishSecretary。Atallevents，he’sevidentlytheverymantotakewithmetoIrelandtobreaktheiceforme。Hecangaintheconfidenceofthepeoplethere，andmakethemfriendlytome。Eh？
　　[Heseatshimselfontheofficestool，andtiltsitbacksothattheedgeofthestandingdesksupportshisbackandpreventshistopplingover]。
　　DOYLE。Aniceintroduction，byGeorge！DoyousupposethewholepopulationofIrelandconsistsofdrunkenbeggingletterwriters，orthatevenifitdid，theywouldacceptoneanotherasreferences？
　　BROADBENT。Pooh！nonsense！He’sonlyanIrishman。Besides，youdon’tseriouslysupposethatHaffigancanhumbugme，doyou？
　　DOYLE。No：he’stoolazytotakethetrouble。Allhehastodoistositthereanddrinkyourwhiskywhileyouhumbugyourself。
　　However，weneedn’targueaboutHaffigan，fortworeasons。First，withyourmoneyinhispockethewillneverreachPaddington：
　　therearetoomanypublichousesontheway。Second，he’snotanIrishmanatall。
　　BROADBENT。NotanIrishman！[Heissoamazedbythestatementthathestraightenshimselfandbringsthestoolboltupright]。
　　DOYLE。BorninGlasgow。NeverwasinIrelandinhislife。Iknowallabouthim。
　　BROADBENT。Buthespoke——hebehavedjustlikeanIrishman。
　　DOYLE。LikeanIrishman！！Isitpossiblethatyoudon’tknowthatallthistop-o-the-morningandbroth-of-a-boyandmore-power-to-
　　your-elbowbusinessisaspeculiartoEnglandastheAlbertHallconcertsofIrishmusicare？NoIrishmanevertalkslikethatinIreland，oreverdid，oreverwill。ButwhenathoroughlyworthlessIrishmancomestoEngland，andfindsthewholeplacefullofromanticdufferslikeyou，whowilllethimloafanddrinkandspongeandbragaslongasheflattersyoursenseofmoralsuperioritybyplayingthefoolanddegradinghimselfandhiscountry，hesoonlearnstheanticsthattakeyouin。Hepicksthemupatthetheatreorthemusichall。Haffiganlearnttherudimentsfromhisfather，whocamefrommypartofIreland。I
　　knewhisuncles，MattandAndyHaffiganofRosscullen。
　　BROADBENT[stillincredulous]。Buthisbrogue！
　　DOYLE。Hisbrogue！Afatlotyouknowaboutbrogues！I’veheardyoucallaDublinaccentthatyoucouldhangyourhaton，abrogue。Heavenhelpyou！youdon’tknowthedifferencebetweenConnemaraandRathmines。[Withviolentirritation]Oh，damnTimHaffigan！Let’sdropthesubject：he’snotworthwranglingabout。
　　BROADBENT。What’swrongwithyoutoday，Larry？Whyareyousobitter？
　　Doylelooksathimperplexedly;comesslowlytothewritingtable;andsitsdownattheendnextthefireplacebeforereplying。
　　DOYLE。Well：yourlettercompletelyupsetme，foronething。
　　BROADBENT。Why？
　　LARRY。YourforeclosingthisRosscullenmortgageandturningpoorNickLestrangeoutofhouseandhomehasrathertakenmeaback;
　　forIlikedtheoldrascalwhenIwasaboyandhadtherunofhisparktoplayin。Iwasbroughtupontheproperty。
　　BROADBENT。Buthewouldn’tpaytheinterest。IhadtoforecloseonbehalfoftheSyndicate。SonowI’mofftoRosscullentolookafterthepropertymyself。[HesitsdownatthewritingtableoppositeLarry，andadds，casually，butwithananxiousglanceathispartner]You’recomingwithme，ofcourse？
　　DOYLE[risingnervouslyandrecommencinghisrestlessmovements]。
　　That’sit。That’swhatIdread。That’swhathasupsetme。
　　BROADBENT。Butdon’tyouwanttoseeyourcountryagainafter18
　　yearsabsence？toseeyourpeople，tobeintheoldhomeagain？
　　To——
　　DOYLE[interruptinghimveryimpatiently]。Yes，yes：Iknowallthataswellasyoudo。
　　BROADBENT。Ohwell，ofcourse[withashrug]ifyoutakeitinthatway，I’msorry。
　　DOYLE。Neveryoumindmytemper：it’snotmeantforyou，asyououghttoknowbythistime。[Hesitsdownagain，alittleashamedofhispetulance;reflectsamomentbitterly;thenburstsout]I
　　haveaninstinctagainstgoingbacktoIreland：aninstinctsostrongthatI’drathergowithyoutotheSouthPolethantoRosscullen。
　　BROADBENT。What！Hereyouare，belongingtoanationwiththestrongestpatriotism！themostinveteratehominginstinctintheworld！andyoupretendyou’drathergoanywherethanbacktoIreland。Youdon’tsupposeIbelieveyou，doyou？Inyourheart——
　　DOYLE。Nevermindmyheart：anIrishman’sheartisnothingbuthisimagination。HowmanyofallthosemillionsthathaveleftIrelandhaveevercomebackorwantedtocomeback？Butwhat’stheuseoftalkingtoyou？ThreeversesoftwaddleabouttheIrishemigrant"sittingonthestile，Mary，"orthreehoursofIrishpatriotisminBermondseyortheScotlandDivisionofLiverpool，gofurtherwithyouthanallthefactsthatstareyouintheface。Why，manalive，lookatme！YouknowthewayInag，andworry，andcarp，andcavil，anddisparage，andamneversatisfiedandneverquiet，andtrythepatienceofmybestfriends。
　　BROADBENT。Oh，come，Larry！doyourselfjustice。You’reveryamusingandagreeabletostrangers。
　　DOYLE。Yes，tostrangers。PerhapsifIwasabitstiffertostrangers，andabiteasierathome，likeanEnglishman，I’dbebettercompanyforyou。
　　BROADBENT。Wegetonwellenough。OfcourseyouhavethemelancholyoftheCelticrace——
　　DOYLE[boundingoutofhischair]GoodGod！！！
　　BROADBENT[slyly]——andalsoitshabitofusingstronglanguagewhenthere’snothingthematter。
　　DOYLE。Nothingthematter！WhenpeopletalkabouttheCelticrace，IfeelasifIcouldburndownLondon。ThatsortofrotdoesmoreharmthantenCoercionActs。DoyousupposeamanneedbeaCelttofeelmelancholyinRosscullen？Why，man，IrelandwaspeopledjustasEnglandwas;anditsbreedwascrossedbyjustthesameinvaders。
　　BROADBENT。True。AllthecapablepeopleinIrelandareofEnglishextraction。IthasoftenstruckmeasamostremarkablecircumstancethattheonlypartyinparliamentwhichshowsthegenuineoldEnglishcharacterandspiritistheIrishparty。Lookatitsindependence，itsdetermination，itsdefianceofbadGovernments，itssympathywithoppressednationalitiesalltheworldover！HowEnglish！
　　DOYLE。Nottomentionthesolemnitywithwhichittalksold-
　　fashionednonsensewhichitknowsperfectlywelltobeacenturybehindthetimes。That’sEnglish，ifyoulike。
　　BROADBENT。No，Larry，no。YouarethinkingofthemodernhybridsthatnowmonopolizeEngland。Hypocrites，humbugs，Germans，Jews，Yankees，foreigners，ParkLaners，cosmopolitanriffraff。Don’tcallthemEnglish。Theydon’tbelongtothedearoldisland，buttotheirconfoundednewempire;andbyGeorge！they’reworthyofit;andIwishthemjoyofit。
　　DOYLE[unmovedbythisoutburst]。There！Youfeelbetternow，don’tyou？
　　BROADBENT[defiantly]。Ido。Muchbetter。
　　DOYLE。MydearTom，youonlyneedatouchoftheIrishclimatetobeasbigafoolasIammyself。IfallmyIrishbloodwerepouredintoyourveins，youwouldn’tturnahairofyourconstitutionandcharacter。GoandmarrythemostEnglishEnglishwomanyoucanfind，andthenbringupyoursoninRosscullen;andthatson’scharacterwillbesolikemineandsounlikeyoursthateverybodywillaccusemeofbeinghisfather。
　　[Withsuddenanguish]Rosscullen！oh，goodLord，Rosscullen！Thedullness！thehopelessness！theignorance！thebigotry！
　　BROADBENT[matter-of-factly]。Theusualthinginthecountry，Larry。Justthesamehere。
　　DOYLE[hastily]。No，no：theclimateisdifferent。Here，ifthelifeisdull，youcanbedulltoo，andnogreatharmdone。[Goingoffintoapassionatedream]Butyourwitscan’tthickeninthatsoftmoistair，onthosewhitespringyroads，inthosemistyrushesandbrownbogs，onthosehillsidesofgraniterocksandmagentaheather。You’venosuchcolorsinthesky，nosuchlureinthedistances，nosuchsadnessintheevenings。Oh，thedreaming！thedreaming！thetorturing，heartscalding，neversatisfyingdreaming，dreaming，dreaming，dreaming！[Savagely]NodebaucherythatevercoarsenedandbrutalizedanEnglishmancantaketheworthandusefulnessoutofhimlikethatdreaming。AnIrishman’simaginationneverletshimalone，neverconvinceshim，neversatisfieshim;butitmakeshimthathecan’tfacerealitynordealwithitnorhandleitnorconquerit：hecanonlysneeratthemthatdo，and[bitterly，atBroadbent]be"agreeabletostrangers，"likeagood-for-nothingwomanonthestreets。
　　[GabblingatBroadbentacrossthetable]It’salldreaming，allimagination。Hecan’tbereligious。TheinspiredChurchmanthatteacheshimthesanctityoflifeandtheimportanceofconductissentawayempty;whilethepoorvillagepriestthatgiveshimamiracleorasentimentalstoryofasaint，hascathedralsbuiltforhimoutofthepenniesofthepoor。Hecan’tbeintelligentlypolitical，hedreamsofwhattheShanVanVochtsaidinninety-
　　eight。IfyouwanttointeresthiminIrelandyou’vegottocalltheunfortunateislandKathleenniHoolihanandpretendshe’salittleoldwoman。Itsavesthinking。Itsavesworking。Itsaveseverythingexceptimagination，imagination，imagination;andimagination’ssuchatorturethatyoucan’tbearitwithoutwhisky。[Withfierceshiveringself-contempt]Atlastyougetthatyoucanbearnothingrealatall：you’dratherstarvethancookameal;you’drathergoshabbyanddirtythansetyourmindtotakecareofyourclothesandwashyourself;younagandsquabbleathomebecauseyourwifeisn’tanangel，andshedespisesyoubecauseyou’renotahero;andyouhatethewholelotroundyoubecausethey’reonlypoorslovenlyuselessdevilslikeyourself。[Droppinghisvoicelikeamanmakingsomeshamefulconfidence]Andallthewhiletheregoesonahorrible，senseless，mischievouslaughter。Whenyou’reyoung，youexchangedrinkswithotheryoungmen;andyouexchangevilestorieswiththem;andasyou’retoofutiletobeabletohelporcheerthem，youchaffandsneerandtauntthemfornotdoingthethingsyoudaren’tdoyourself。Andallthetimeyoulaugh，laugh，laugh！
　　eternalderision，eternalenvy，eternalfolly，eternalfoulingandstaininganddegrading，until，whenyoucomeatlasttoacountrywherementakeaquestionseriouslyandgiveaseriousanswertoit，youderidethemforhavingnosenseofhumor，andplumeyourselfonyourownworthlessnessasifitmadeyoubetterthanthem。
　　BROADBENT[rousedtointenseearnestnessbyDoyle’seloquence]。
　　Neverdespair，Larry。TherearegreatpossibilitiesforIreland。
　　HomeRulewillworkwondersunderEnglishguidance。
　　DOYLE[pulledupshort，hisfacetwitchingwithareluctantsmile]。Tom：whydoyouselectmymosttragicmomentsforyourmostirresistiblestrokesofhumor？
　　BROADBENT。Humor！Iwasperfectlyserious。Whatdoyoumean？DoyoudoubtmyseriousnessaboutHomeRule？
　　DOYLE。Iamsureyouareserious，Tom，abouttheEnglishguidance。
　　BROADBENT[quitereassured]。OfcourseIam。Ourguidanceistheimportantthing。WeEnglishmustplaceourcapacityforgovernmentwithoutstintattheserviceofnationswhoarelessfortunatelyendowedinthatrespect;soastoallowthemtodevelopinperfectfreedomtotheEnglishlevelofself-government，youknow。Youunderstandme？
　　DOYLE。Perfectly。AndRosscullenwillunderstandyoutoo。
　　BROADBENT[cheerfully]。Ofcourseitwill。Sothat’sallright。
　　[HepullsuphischairandsettleshimselfcomfortablytolectureDoyle]。Now，Larry，I’velistenedcarefullytoallyou’vesaidaboutIreland;andIcanseenothingwhatevertopreventyourcomingwithme。Whatdoesitallcometo？SimplythatyouwereonlyayoungfellowwhenyouwereinIreland。You’llfindallthatchaffinganddrinkingandnotknowingwhattobeatinPeckhamjustthesameasinDonnybrook。YoulookedatIrelandwithaboy’seyesandsawonlyboyishthings。Comebackwithmeandlookatitwithaman’s，andgetabetteropinionofyourcountry。
　　DOYLE。Idaresayyou’repartlyrightinthat：atalleventsI
　　knowverywellthatifIhadbeenthesonofalaborerinsteadofthesonofacountrylandagent，IshouldhavestruckmoregritthanIdid。UnfortunatelyI’mnotgoingbacktovisittheIrishnation，buttovisitmyfatherandAuntJudyandNoraReillyandFatherDempseyandtherestofthem。
　　BROADBENT。Well，whynot？They’llbedelightedtoseeyou，nowthatEnglandhasmadeamanofyou。
　　DOYLE[struckbythis]。Ah！youhitthemarkthere，Tom，withtrueBritishinspiration。
　　BROADBENT。Commonsense，youmean。
　　DOYLE[quickly]。NoIdon’t：you’venomorecommonsensethanagander。NoEnglishmanhasanycommonsense，oreverhad，oreverwillhave。You’regoingonasentimentalexpeditionforperfectlyridiculousreasons，withyourheadfullofpoliticalnonsensethatwouldnottakeinanyordinarilyintelligentdonkey;butyoucanhitmeintheeyewiththesimpletruthaboutmyselfandmyfather。
　　BROADBENT[amazed]。Inevermentionedyourfather。
　　DOYLE[notheedingtheinterruption]。ThereheisinRosscullen，alandagentwho’salwaysbeeninasmallwaybecausehe’saCatholic，andthelandlordsaremostlyProtestants。WhatwithlandcourtsreducingrentsandLandActsturningbigestatesintolittleholdings，he’dbeabeggarthisdayifhehadn’tboughthisownlittlefarmundertheLandPurchaseAct。Idoubtifhe’sbeenfurtherfromhomethanAthenmulletforthelasttwentyyears。AndhereamI，madeamanof，asyousay，byEngland。
　　BROADBENT[apologetically]。IassureyouInevermeant——
　　DOYLE。Oh，don’tapologize：it’squitetrue。IdaresayI’velearntsomethinginAmericaandafewotherremoteandinferiorspots;butinthemainitisbylivingwithyouandworkingindoubleharnesswithyouthatIhavelearnttoliveinarealworldandnotinanimaginaryone。IowemoretoyouthantoanyIrishman。
　　BROADBENT[shakinghisheadwithatwinkleinhiseye]。Veryfriendlyofyou，Larry，oldman，butallblarney。Ilikeblarney;
　　butit’srot，allthesame。
　　DOYLE。Noit’snot。Ishouldneverhavedoneanythingwithoutyou;althoughIneverstopwonderingatthatblessedoldheadofyourswithallitsideasinwatertightcompartments，andallthecompartmentswarrantedimpervioustoanythingthatitdoesn’tsuityoutounderstand。
　　BROADBENT[invincible]。Unmitigatedrot，Larry，Iassureyou。
　　DOYLE。Well，atanyrateyouwilladmitthatallmyfriendsareeitherEnglishmenormenofthebigworldthatbelongstothebigPowers。Alltheseriouspartofmylifehasbeenlivedinthatatmosphere：alltheseriouspartofmyworkhasbeendonewithmenofthatsort。JustthinkofmeasIamnowgoingbacktoRosscullen！tothathelloflittlenessandmonotony！HowamItogetonwithalittlecountrylandagentthatekesouthis5percentwithalittlefarmingandascrapofhousepropertyinthenearestcountrytown？WhatamItosaytohim？Whatishetosaytome？
　　BROADBFNT[scandalized]。Butyou’refatherandson，man！
　　DOYLE。Whatdifferencedoesthatmake？WhatwouldyousayifI
　　proposedavisittoYOURfather？
　　BROADBENT[withfilialrectitude]。Ialwaysmadeapointofgoingtoseemyfatherregularlyuntilhismindgaveway。
　　DOYLE[concerned]。Hashegonemad？Younevertoldme。
　　BROADBENT。HehasjoinedtheTariffReformLeague。Hewouldneverhavedonethatifhismindhadnotbeenweakened。[Beginningtodeclaim]Hehasfallenavictimtotheartsofapoliticalcharlatanwho——
　　DOYLE[interruptinghim]。YoumeanthatyoukeepclearofyourfatherbecausehediffersfromyouaboutFreeTrade，andyoudon’twanttoquarrelwithhim。Well，thinkofmeandmyfather！
　　He’saNationalistandaSeparatist。I’mametallurgicalchemistturnedcivilengineer。Nowwhateverelsemetallurgicalchemistrymaybe，it’snotnational。It’sinternational。Andmybusinessandyoursascivilengineersistojoincountries，nottoseparatethem。Theonerealpoliticalconvictionthatourbusinesshasrubbedintousisthatfrontiersarehindrancesandflagsconfoundednuisances。
　　BROADBENT[stillsmartingunderMrChamberlain’seconomicheresy]。Onlywhenthereisaprotectivetariff——
　　DOYLE[firmly]Nowlookhere，Tom：youwanttogetinaspeechonFreeTrade;andyou’renotgoingtodoit：Iwon’tstandit。MyfatherwantstomakeStGeorge’sChannelafrontierandhoistagreenflagonCollegeGreen;andIwanttobringGalwaywithin3
　　hoursofColchesterand24ofNewYork。IwantIrelandtobethebrainsandimaginationofabigCommonwealth，notaRobinsonCrusoeisland。Thenthere’sthereligiousdifficulty。MyCatholicismistheCatholicismofCharlemagneorDante，qualifiedbyagreatdealofmodernscienceandfolklorewhichFatherDempseywouldcalltheravingsofanAtheist。Well，myfather’sCatholicismistheCatholicismofFatherDempsey。
　　BROADBENT[shrewdly]。Idon’twanttointerruptyou，Larry;butyouknowthisisallgammon。Thesedifferencesexistinallfamilies;butthemembersrubontogetherallright。[Suddenlyrelapsingintoportentousness]Ofcoursetherearesomequestionswhichtouchtheveryfoundationsofmorals;andontheseIgrantyoueventheclosestrelationshipscannotexcuseanycompromiseorlaxity。Forinstance——
　　DOYLE[impatientlyspringingupandwalkingabout]。Forinstance，HomeRule，SouthAfrica，FreeTrade，andtheEducationRate。
　　Well，Ishoulddifferfrommyfatheroneveryoneofthem，probably，justasIdifferfromyouaboutthem。
　　BROADBENT。Yes;butyouareanIrishman;andthesethingsarenotserioustoyouastheyaretoanEnglishman。
　　DOYLE。What！notevenHomeRule！
　　BROADBENT[steadfastly]。NotevenHomeRule。WeoweHomeRulenottotheIrish，buttoourEnglishGladstone。No，Larry：Ican’thelpthinkingthatthere’ssomethingbehindallthis。
　　DOYLE[hotly]。Whatistherebehindit？DoyouthinkI’mhumbuggingyou？
　　BROADBENT。Don’tflyoutatme，oldchap。Ionlythought——
　　DOYLE。Whatdidyouthink？
　　BROADBENT。Well，amomentagoIcaughtanamewhichisnewtome：
　　aMissNoraReilly，Ithink。[Doylestopsdeadandstaresathimwithsomethinglikeawe]。Idon’twishtobeimpertinent，asyouknow，Larry;butareyousureshehasnothingtodowithyourreluctancetocometoIrelandwithme？
　　DOYLE[sittingdownagain，vanquished]。ThomasBroadbent：I
　　surrender。Thepoorsilly-cleverIrishmantakesoffhishattoGod’sEnglishman。ThemanwhocouldinallseriousnessmakethatrecentremarkofyoursaboutHomeRuleandGladstonemustbesimplythechampionidiotofalltheworld。Yetthemanwhocouldintheverynextsentencesweepawayallmyspecialpleadingandgostraighttotheheartofmymotivesmustbeamanofgenius。
　　Butthattheidiotandthegeniusshouldbethesameman！howisthatpossible？[Springingtohisfeet]ByJove，Iseeitallnow。
　　I’llwriteanarticleaboutit，andsendittoNature。
　　BROADBENT[staringathim]。Whatonearth——
　　DOYLE。It’squitesimple。Youknowthatacaterpillar——
　　BROADBENT。Acaterpillar！！！
　　DOYLE。Yes，acaterpillar。NowgiveyourmindtowhatIamgoingtosay;forit’sanewandimportantscientifictheoryoftheEnglishnationalcharacter。Acaterpillar——
　　BROADBENT。Lookhere，Larry：don’tbeanass。
　　DOYLE[insisting]。IsayacaterpillarandImeanacaterpillar。
　　You’llunderstandpresently。Acaterpillar[Broadbentmuttersaslightprotest，butdoesnotpressit]whenitgetsintoatree，instinctivelymakesitselflookexactlylikealeaf;sothatbothitsenemiesanditspreymaymistakeitforoneandthinkitnotworthbotheringabout。
　　BROADBENT。What’sthatgottodowithourEnglishnationalcharacter？
　　DOYLE。I’lltellyou。Theworldisasfulloffoolsasatreeisfullofleaves。Well，theEnglishmandoeswhatthecaterpillardoes。Heinstinctivelymakeshimselflooklikeafool，andeatsupalltherealfoolsathiseasewhilehisenemieslethimaloneandlaughathimforbeingafoolliketherest。Oh，natureiscunning，cunning！[Hesitsdown，lostincontemplationofhisword-picture]。
　　BROADBENT[withheartyadmiration]。Nowyouknow，Larry，thatwouldneverhaveoccurredtome。YouIrishpeopleareamazinglyclever。Ofcourseit’salltommyrot;butit’ssobrilliant，youknow！Howthedickensdoyouthinkofsuchthings！Youreallymustwriteanarticleaboutit：they’llpayyousomethingforit。
　　IfNaturewon’thaveit，IcangetitintoEngineeringforyou：I
　　knowtheeditor。
　　DOYLE。Let’sgetbacktobusiness。I’dbettertellyouaboutNoraReilly。
　　BROADBENT。No：nevermind。Ishouldn’thavealludedtoher。
　　DOYLE。I’drather。Norahasafortune。
　　BROADBENT[keenlyinterested]。Eh？Howmuch？
　　DOYLE。Fortyperannum。
　　BROADBENT。Fortythousand？
　　DOYLE。No，forty。Fortypounds。
　　BROADBENT[muchdashed。]That’swhatyoucallafortuneinRosscullen，isit？
　　DOYLE。AgirlwithadowryoffivepoundscallsitafortuneinRosscullen。What’smore40poundsayearISafortunethere;andNoraReillyenjoysagooddealofsocialconsiderationasanheiressonthestrengthofit。Ithashelpedmyfather’shouseholdthroughmanyatightplace。Myfatherwasherfather’sagent。Shecameonavisittouswhenhedied，andhaslivedwithuseversince。
　　BROADBENT[attentively，beginningtosuspectLarryofmisconductwithNora，andresolvingtogettothebottomofit]。Sincewhen？
　　Imeanhowoldwereyouwhenshecame？
　　DOYLE。Iwasseventeen。Sowasshe：ifshe’dbeenoldershe’dhavehadmoresensethantostaywithus。Weweretogetherfor18
　　monthsbeforeIwentuptoDublintostudy。WhenIwenthomeforChristmasandEaster，shewasthere：Isupposeitusedtobesomethingofaneventforher，thoughofcourseIneverthoughtofthatthen。
　　BROADBENT。Wereyouatallhardhit？
　　DOYLE。Notreally。Ihadonlytwoideasatthattime，first，tolearntodosomething;andthentogetoutofIrelandandhaveachanceofdoingit。Shedidn’tcount。Iwasromanticabouther，justasIwasromanticaboutByron’sheroinesortheoldRoundTowerofRosscullen;butshedidn’tcountanymorethantheydid。
　　I’venevercrossedStGeorge’sChannelsinceforhersake——neverevenlandedatQueenstownandcomebacktoLondonthroughIreland。
　　BROADBENT。Butdidyoueversayanythingthatwouldjustifyherinwaitingforyou？
　　DOYLE。No，never。ButsheISwaitingforme。
　　BROADBENT。Howdoyouknow？
　　DOYLE。Shewritestome——onherbirthday。Sheusedtowriteonmine，andsendmelittlethingsaspresents;butIstoppedthatbypretendingthatitwasnousewhenIwastravelling，astheygotlostintheforeignpost-offices。[Hepronouncespost-officeswiththestressonoffices，insteadofonpost]。
　　BROADBENT。Youanswertheletters？
　　DOYLE。Notverypunctually。Buttheygetacknowledgedatonetimeoranother。
　　BROADBENT。Howdoyoufeelwhenyouseeherhandwriting？
　　DOYLE。Uneasy。I’dgive50poundstoescapealetter。
　　BROADBENT[lookinggrave，andthrowinghimselfbackinhischairtointimatethatthecross-examinationisover，andtheresultverydamagingtothewitness]Hm！
　　DOYLE。Whatd’yemeanbyHm！？
　　BROADBENT。OfcourseIknowthatthemoralcodeisdifferentinIreland。ButinEnglandit’snotconsideredfairtotriflewithawoman’saffections。
　　DOYLE。YoumeanthatanEnglishmanwouldgetengagedtoanotherwomanandreturnNoraherlettersandpresentswithalettertosayhewasunworthyofherandwishedhereveryhappiness？
　　BROADBENT。Well，eventhatwouldsetthepoorgirl’smindatrest。
　　DOYLE。Wouldit？Iwonder！OnethingIcantellyou;andthatisthatNorawouldwaituntilshediedofoldagesoonerthanaskmyintentionsorcondescendtohintatthepossibilityofmyhavingany。Youdon’tknowwhatIrishprideis。Englandmayhaveknockedagooddealofitoutofme;butshe’sneverbeeninEngland;andifIhadtochoosebetweenwoundingthatdelicacyinherandhittingherintheface，I’dhitherinthefacewithoutamoment’shesitation。
　　BROADBENT[whohasbeennursinghiskneeandreflecting，apparentlyratheragreeably]。Youknow，allthissoundsratherinteresting。There’stheIrishcharmaboutit。That’stheworstofyou：theIrishcharmdoesn’texistforyou。
　　DOYLE。Ohyesitdoes。Butit’sthecharmofadream。Liveincontactwithdreamsandyouwillgetsomethingoftheircharm：
　　liveincontactwithfactsandyouwillgetsomethingoftheirbrutality。IwishIcouldfindacountrytoliveinwherethefactswerenotbrutalandthedreamsnotunreal。
　　BROADBENT[changinghisattitudeandrespondingtoDoyle’searnestnesswithdeepconviction：hiselbowsonthetableandhishandsclenched]。Don’tdespair，Larry，oldboy：thingsmaylookblack;buttherewillbeagreatchangeafterthenextelection。
　　DOYLE[jumpingup]。Ohgetout，youidiot！
　　BROADBENT[risingalso，notabitsnubbed]。Ha！ha！youmaylaugh;butweshallsee。However，don’tletusargueaboutthat。
　　Comenow！youaskmyadviceaboutMissReilly？
　　DOYLE[reddening]。NoIdon’t。Damnyouradvice！[Softening]
　　Let’shaveit，allthesame。
　　BROADBENT。Well，everythingyoutellmeaboutherimpressesmefavorably。Sheseemstohavethefeelingsofalady;andthoughwemustfacethefactthatinEnglandherincomewouldhardlymaintainherinthelowermiddleclass——
　　DOYLE[interrupting]。Nowlookhere，Tom。Thatremindsme。WhenyougotoIreland，justdroptalkingaboutthemiddleclassandbraggingofbelongingtoit。InIrelandyou’reeitheragentlemanoryou’renot。IfyouwanttobeparticularlyoffensivetoNora，youcancallheraPapist;butifyoucallheramiddle-classwoman，Heavenhelpyou！
　　BROADBENT[irrepressible]。Neverfear。You’realldescendedfromtheancientkings：Iknowthat。[Complacently]I’mnotsotactlessasyouthink，myboy。[Earnestagain]IexpecttofindMissReillyaperfectlady;andIstronglyadviseyoutocomeandhaveanotherlookatherbeforeyoumakeupyourmindabouther。
　　Bytheway，haveyouaphotographofher？
　　DOYLE。Herphotographsstoppedattwenty-five。
　　BROADBENT[saddened]。Ahyes，Isupposeso。[Withfeeling，severely]Larry：you’vetreatedthatpoorgirldisgracefully。
　　DOYLE。ByGeorge，ifsheonlyknewthattwomenweretalkingaboutherlikethis——！
　　BROADBENT。Shewouldn’tlikeit，wouldshe？Ofcoursenot。Weoughttobeashamedofourselves，Larry。[Moreandmorecarriedawaybyhisnewfancy]。Youknow，IhaveasortofpresentimentthatMissReallyisaverysuperiorwoman。
　　DOYLE[staringhardathim]。Ohyouhave，haveyou？
　　BROADBENT。YesIhave。Thereissomethingverytouchingaboutthehistoryofthisbeautifulgirl。
　　DOYLE。Beau——！Oho！Here’sachanceforNora！andforme！
　　[Calling]Hodson。
　　HODSON[appearingatthebedroomdoor]。Didyoucall，sir？
　　DOYLE。Packformetoo。I’mgoingtoIrelandwithMrBroadbent。
　　HODSON。Right，sir。[Heretiresintothebedroom。]
　　BROADBENT[clappingDoyleontheshoulder]。Thankyou，oldchap。
　　Thankyou。
　　ACTII
　　Rosscullen。Westwardahillsideofgraniterockandheatherslopesupwardacrosstheprospectfromsouthtonorth，ahugestonestandsonitinanaturallyimpossibleplace，asifithadbeentosseduptherebyagiant。Overthebrow，inthedesolatevalleybeyond，isaroundtower。Alonelywhitehighroadtrendingawaywestwardpastthetowerlosesitselfatthefootofthefarmountains。Itisevening;andtherearegreatbreadthsofsilkengreenintheIrishsky。Thesunissetting。
　　Amanwiththefaceofayoungsaint，yetwithwhitehairandperhaps50yearsonhisback，isstandingnearthestoneinatranceofintensemelancholy，lookingoverthehillsasifbymereintensityofgazehecouldpiercethegloriesofthesunsetandseeintothestreetsofheaven。Heisdressedinblack，andisrathermoreclericalinappearancethanmostEnglishcuratesarenowadays;buthedoesnotwearthecollarandwaistcoatofaparishpriest。Heisrousedfromhistrancebythechirpofaninsectfromatuftofgrassinacreviceofthestone。Hisfacerelaxes：heturnsquietly，andgravelytakesoffhishattothetuft，addressingtheinsectinabroguewhichisthejocularassumptionofagentlemanandnotthenaturalspeechofapeasant。
　　THEMAN。Anisthatyourself，MistherGrasshopper？IhopeIseeyouwellthisfineevenin。