ContentsTheEducationofOtisYeereAtthePit’sMouthAWaysideComedyTheHillofIllusionASecond-rateWomanOnlyaSubalternIntheMatterofaPrivateTheEnlightenmentsofPagett。M。P。
UndertheDeodarsTheEducationofOtisYeereI
Inthepleasantorchard-closes’Godblessallourgains，’saywe;
But’MayGodblessallourlosses，’
Bettersuitswithourdegree。
TheLostBower。
Thisisthehistoryofafailure;butthewomanwhofailedsaidthatitmightbeaninstructivetaletoputintoprintforthebenefitoftheyoungergeneration。Theyoungergenerationdoesnotwantinstruction，beingperfectlywillingtoinstructifanyonewilllistentoit。Nonetheless，herebeginsthestorywhereeveryright-mindedstoryshouldbegin，thatistosayatSimla，whereallthingsbeginandmanycometoanevilend。
Themistakewasduetoaverycleverwomanmakingablunderandnotretrievingit。Menarelicensedtostumble，butacleverwoman’smistakeisoutsidetheregularcourseofNatureandProvidence;sinceallgoodpeopleknowthatawomanistheonlyinfalliblethinginthisworld，exceptGovernmentPaperofthe’79
issue，bearinginterestatfourandahalfpercent。Yet，wehavetorememberthatsixconsecutivedaysofrehearsingtheleadingpartofTheFallenAngel，attheNewGaietyTheatrewheretheplasterisnotyetproperlydry，mighthavebroughtaboutanunhingementofspiritswhich，again，mighthaveledtoeccentricities。
Mrs。Hauksbeecameto’TheFoundry’totiffinwithMrs。Mallowe，heronebosomfriend，forshewasinnosense’awoman’swoman。’
Anditwasawoman’stiffin，thedoorshuttoalltheworld;andtheybothtalkedchiffons，whichisFrenchforMysteries。
’I’veenjoyedanintervalofsanity，’Mrs。Hauksbeeannounced，aftertiffinwasoverandthetwowerecomfortablysettledinthelittlewriting-roomthatopenedoutofMrs。Mallowe’sbedroom。
’Mydeargirl，whathashedone？’saidMrs。Mallowesweetly。Itisnoticeablethatladiesofacertainagecalleachother’deargirl，’justascommissionersoftwenty-eightyears’standingaddresstheirequalsintheCivilListas’myboy。’
’There’snoheinthecase。WhoamIthatanimaginarymanshouldbealwayscreditedtome？AmIanApache？’
’No，dear，butsomebody’sscalpisgenerallydryingatyourwigwam-door。Soakingrather。’
ThiswasanallusiontotheHawleyBoy，whowasinthehabitofridingallacrossSimlaintheRains，tocallonMrs。Hauksbee。Thatladylaughed。
’Formysins，theAideatTyrconnellastnighttoldmeofftoTheMussuck。Hsh！Don’tlaugh。Oneofmymostdevotedadmirers。
WhentheduffcamesomeonereallyoughttoteachthemtomakepuddingsatTyrconnelTheMussuckwasatlibertytoattendtome。’
’Sweetsoul！Iknowhisappetite，’saidMrs。Mallowe。’Didhe，ohdidhe，beginhiswooing？’
’ByaspecialmercyofProvidence，no。HeexplainedhisimportanceasaPillaroftheEmpire。Ididn’tlaugh。’
’Lucy，Idon’tbelieveyou。’
’AskCaptainSangar;hewasontheotherside。Well，asIwassaying，TheMussuckdilated。’
’IthinkIcanseehimdoingit，’saidMrs。Mallowepensively，scratchingherfox-terrier’sears。
’Iwasproperlyimpressed。Mostproperly。Iyawnedopenly。’’Strictsupervision，andplaythemoffoneagainsttheother，"saidTheMussuck，shovellingdownhisicebytureenfuls，Iassureyou。
’’That，Mrs。Hauksbee，isthesecretofourGovernment。"’
Mrs。Mallowelaughedlongandmerrily。’Andwhatdidyousay？’
’Didyoueverknowmeatlossforanansweryet？Isaid：’’SoIhaveobservedinmydealingswithyou。"TheMussuckswelledwithpride。Heiscomingtocallonmeto-morrow。TheHawleyBoyiscomingtoo。’
’’’Strictsupervisionandplaythemoffoneagainsttheother。That，Mrs。Hauksbee，isthesecretofourGovernment。"AndIdaresayifwecouldgettoTheMussuck’sheart，weshouldfindthatheconsidershimselfamanoftheworld。’
’Asheisoftheothertwothings。IlikeTheMussuck，andIwon’thaveyoucallhimnames。Heamusesme。’
’Hehasreformedyou，too，bywhatappears。Explaintheintervalofsanity，andhitTimonthenosewiththepaper-cutter，please。Thatdogistoofondofsugar。Doyoutakemilkinyours？’
’No，thanks。Polly，I’mweariedofthislife。It’shollow。’
’Turnreligious，then。IalwayssaidthatRomewouldbeyourfate。’
’Onlyexchanginghalf-a-dozenattach？sinredforoneinblack，andifIfasted，thewrinkleswouldcome，andnever，nevergo。Hasiteverstruckyou，dear，thatI’mgettingold？’
’Thanksforyourcourtesy。I’llreturnit。Ye-es，wearebothnotexactlyhowshallIputit？’
’Whatwehavebeen。’’Ifeelitinmybones，"asMrs。Crossleysays。
Polly，I’vewastedmylife。’
’Ashow？’
’Nevermindhow。Ifeelit。IwanttobeaPowerbeforeIdie。’
’BeaPowerthen。You’vewitsenoughforanythingandbeauty！’
Mrs。Hauksbeepointedateaspoonstraightatherhostess。’Polly，ifyouheapcomplimentsonmelikethis，Ishallceasetobelievethatyou’reawoman。TellmehowIamtobeaPower。’
’InformTheMussuckthatheisthemostfascinatingandslimmestmaninAsia，andhe’lltellyouanythingandeverythingyouplease。’
’BotherTheMussuck！ImeananintellectualPowernotagas-power。Polly，I’mgoingtostartasalon。’
Mrs。Malloweturnedlazilyonthesofaandrestedherheadonherhand。’HearthewordsofthePreacher，thesonofBaruch，’shesaid。
’Willyoutalksensibly？’
’Iwill，dear，forIseethatyouaregoingtomakeamistake。’
’Inevermadeamistakeinmylifeatleast，neveronethatIcouldn’texplainawayafterwards。’
’Goingtomakeamistake，’wentonMrs。Mallowecomposedly。’ItisimpossibletostartasaloninSimla。Abarwouldbemuchmoretothepoint。’
’Perhaps，butwhy？Itseemssoeasy。’
’Justwhatmakesitsodifficult。HowmanycleverwomenarethereinSimla？’
’Myselfandyourself，’saidMrs。Hauksbee，withoutamoment’shesitation。
’Modestwoman！Mrs。Feardonwouldthankyouforthat。Andhowmanyclevermen？’
’Oherhundreds，’saidMrs。Hauksbeevaguely。
’Whatafatalblunder！Notone。TheyareallbespokebytheGovernment。Takemyhusband，forinstance。Jackwasacleverman，thoughIsaysowhoshouldn’t。Governmenthaseatenhimup。
Allhisideasandpowersofconversationhereallyusedtobeagoodtalker，eventohiswifeintheolddaysaretakenfromhimbythisthiskitchen-sinkofaGovernment。That’sthecasewitheverymanupherewhoisatwork。Idon’tsupposeaRussianconvictundertheknoutisabletoamusetherestofhisgang;andallourmen-folkherearegildedconvicts。’
’Buttherearescores’
’Iknowwhatyou’regoingtosay。Scoresofidlemenuponleave。I
admitit，buttheyarealloftwoobjectionablesets。TheCivilianwho’dbedelightfulifhehadthemilitaryman’sknowledgeoftheworldandstyle，andthemilitarymanwho’dbeadorableifhehadtheCivilian’sculture。’
’Detestableword！HaveCiviliansculchaw？Ineverstudiedthebreeddeeply。’
’Don’tmakefunofJack’sService。Yes。They’reliketheteapoysintheLakkaBazargoodmaterialbutnotpolished。Theycan’thelpthemselves，poordears。ACivilianonlybeginstobetolerableafterhehasknockedabouttheworldforfifteenyears。’
’Andamilitaryman？’
’Whenhehashadthesameamountofservice。Theyoungofbothspeciesarehorrible。Youwouldhavescoresoftheminyoursalon。’
’Iwouldnot！’saidMrs。Hauksbeefiercely。
’Iwouldtellthebearertodarwazabandthem。I’dputtheirowncolonelsandcommissionersatthedoortoturnthemaway。I’dgivethemtotheTopshamGirltoplaywith。’
’TheTopshamGirlwouldbegratefulforthegift。Buttogobacktothesalon。Allowingthatyouhadgatheredallyourmenandwomentogether，whatwouldyoudowiththem？Makethemtalk？Theywouldallwithoneaccordbegintoflirt。YoursalonwouldbecomeaglorifiedPeliti’sa’’ScandalPoint"bylamplight。’
’There’sacertainamountofwisdominthatview。’
’There’sallthewisdomintheworldinit。Surely，twelveSimlaseasonsoughttohavetaughtyouthatyoucan’tfocusanythinginIndia;andasalon，tobeanygoodatall，mustbepermanent。IntwoseasonsyourroomfulwouldbescatteredalloverAsia。Weareonlylittlebitsofdirtonthehillsideshereonedayandblowndownthekhudthenext。Wehavelosttheartoftalkingatleastourmenhave。Wehavenocohesion’
’GeorgeEliotintheflesh，’interpolatedMrs。Hauksbeewickedly。
’Andcollectively，mydearscoffer，we，menandwomenalike，havenoinfluence。ComeintotheverandahandlookattheMall！’
Thetwolookeddownonthenowrapidlyfillingroad，forallSimlawasabroadtostealastrollbetweenashowerandafog。
’Howdoyouproposetofixthatriver？Look！There’sTheMussuckheadofgoodnessknowswhat。Heisapowerintheland，thoughhedoeseatlikeacostermonger。There’sColonelBlone，andGeneralGrucher，andSirDugaldDelane，andSirHenryHaughton，andMr。
Jellalatty。AllHeadsofDepartments，andallpowerful。’
’Andallmyferventadmirers，’saidMrs。Hauksbeepiously。’SirHenryHaughtonravesaboutme。Butgoon。’
’Onebyone，thesemenareworthsomething。Collectively，they’rejustamobofAnglo-Indians。WhocaresforwhatAnglo-Indianssay？Yoursalonwon’tweldtheDepartmentstogetherandmakeyoumistressofIndia，dear。Andthesecreatureswon’ttalkadministrative’’shop"inacrowdyoursalonbecausetheyaresoafraidofthemeninthelowerranksoverhearingit。TheyhaveforgottenwhatofLiteratureandArttheyeverknew，andthewomen’
’Can’ttalkaboutanythingexceptthelastGymkhana，orthesinsoftheirlastnurse。IwascallingonMrs。Derwillsthismorning。’
’Youadmitthat？Theycantalktothesubalternsthough，andthesubalternscantalktothem。Yoursalonwouldsuittheirviewsadmirably，ifyourespectedthereligiousprejudicesofthecountryandprovidedplentyofkalajuggahs。’
’Plentyofkalajuggahs。Ohmypoorlittleidea！Kalajuggahsinasalon！Butwhomadeyousoawfullyclever？’
’PerhapsI’vetriedmyself;orperhapsIknowawomanwhohas。I
havepreachedandexpoundedthewholematterandtheconclusionthereof’
’Youneedn’tgoon。’’IsVanity。"Polly，Ithankyou。Thesevermin’
Mrs。Hauksbeewavedherhandfromtheverandahtotwomeninthecrowdbelowwhohadraisedtheirhatstoher’theseverminshallnotrejoiceinanewScandalPointoranextraPeliti’s。Iwillabandonthenotionofasalon。Itdidseemsotempting，though。ButwhatshallIdo？Imustdosomething。’
’Why？ArenotAbanaandPharpar’
’Jackhasmadeyounearlyasbadashimself！Iwantto，ofcourse。
I’mtiredofeverythingandeverybody，fromamoonlightpicnicatSeepeetotheblandishmentsofTheMussuck。’
’Yesthatcomes，too，soonerorlater。Haveyounerveenoughtomakeyourbowyet？’
Mrs。Hauksbee’smouthshutgrimly。Thenshelaughed。’IthinkI
seemyselfdoingit。BigpinkplacardsontheMall：’’Mrs。
Hauksbee！Positivelyherlastappearanceonanystage！Thisistogivenotice！"Nomoredances;nomorerides;nomoreluncheons;
nomoretheatricalswithsuppertofollow;nomoresparringwithone’sdearest，dearestfriend;nomorefencingwithaninconvenientmanwhohasn’twitenoughtoclothewhathe’spleasedtocallhissentimentsinpassablespeech;nomoreparadingofTheMussuckwhileMrs。TarkasscallsallroundSimla，spreadinghorriblestoriesaboutme！Nomoreofanythingthatisthoroughlywearying，abominable，anddetestable，but，allthesame，makeslifeworththehaving。Yes！Iseeitall！Don’tinterrupt，Polly，I’minspired。A
mauveandwhitestriped’’cloud"roundmyexcellentshoulders，aseatinthefifthrowoftheGaiety，andbothhorsessold。Delightfulvision！Acomfortablearm-chair，situatedinthreedifferentdraughts，ateveryball-room;andnice，large，sensibleshoesforallthecouplestostumbleoverastheygointotheverandah！Thenatsupper。Can’tyouimaginethescene？Thegreedymobgoneaway。
Reluctantsubaltern，pinkalloverlikeanewly-powderedbaby，theyreallyoughttotansubalternsbeforetheyareexported，Polly，sentbackbythehostesstodohisduty。Slouchesuptomeacrosstheroom，tuggingataglovetwosizestoolargeforhimIhateamanwhowearsgloveslikeovercoatsandtryingtolookasifhe’dthoughtofitfromthefirst。’’MayIah-havethepleasure’ftakin’
you’nt’supper？"ThenIgetupwithahungrysmile。Justlikethis。’
’Lucy，howcanyoubesoabsurd？’
’Andsweepoutonhisarm。So！AftersupperIshallgoawayearly，youknow，becauseIshallbeafraidofcatchingcold。Noonewilllookformy’rickshaw。Mine，sopleaseyou！Ishallstand，alwayswiththatmauveandwhite’’cloud"overmyhead，whilethewetsoaksintomydear，old，venerablefeet，andTomswearsandshoutsforthemem-sahib’sgharri。Thenhometobedathalf-pasteleven！TrulyexcellentlifehelpedoutbythevisitsofthePadri，justfreshfromburyingsomebodydownbelowthere。’ShepointedthroughthepinestowardtheCemetery，andcontinuedwithvigorousdramaticgesture’Listen！Iseeitalldown，downeventothestays！Suchstays！
Six-eightapair，Polly，withredflannelorlist，isit？thattheyputintothetopsofthosefearfulthings。Icandrawyouapictureofthem。’
’Lucy，forHeaven’ssake，don’tgowavingyourarmsaboutinthatidioticmanner！RecollecteveryonecanseeyoufromtheMall。’
’Letthemsee！They’llthinkIamrehearsingforTheFallenAngel。
Look！There’sTheMussuck。Howbadlyherides。There！’
SheblewakisstothevenerableIndianadministratorwithinfinitegrace。
’Now，’shecontinued，’he’llbechaffedaboutthatattheClubinthedelicatemannerthosebrutesofmenaffect，andtheHawleyBoywilltellmeallaboutitsofteningthedetailsforfearofshockingme。Thatboyistoogoodtolive，Polly。I’veseriousthoughtsofrecommendinghimtothrowuphiscommissionandgointotheChurch。Inhispresentframeofmindhewouldobeyme。Happy，happychild！’
’Neveragain，’saidMrs。Mallowe，withanaffectationofindignation，’shallyoutiffinhere！’’Lucindyyourbehaviourisscand’lus。"’
’Allyourfault，’retortedMrs。Hauksbee，’forsuggestingsuchathingasmyabdication。No！jamais！nevaire！Iwillact，dance，ride，frivol，talkscandal，dineout，andappropriatethelegitimatecaptivesofanywomanIchoose，untilId-r-r-rop，orabetterwomanthanIputsmetoshamebeforeallSimla，andit’sdustandashesinmymouthwhileI’mdoingit！’
Shesweptintothedrawing-room。Mrs。Mallowefollowedandputanarmroundherwaist。
’I’mnot！’saidMrs。Hauksbeedefiantly，rummagingforherhandkerchief。’I’vebeendiningoutthelasttennights，andrehearsingintheafternoon。You’dbetiredyourself。It’sonlybecauseI’mtired。’
Mrs。MallowedidnotofferMrs。Hauksbeeanypityoraskhertoliedown，butgaveheranothercupoftea，andwentonwiththetalk。
’I’vebeenthroughthattoo，dear，’shesaid。
’Iremember，’saidMrs。Hauksbee，agleamoffunonherface。’In’84，wasn’tit？Youwentoutagreatdeallessnextseason。’
Mrs。MallowesmiledinasuperiorandSphinx-likefashion。
’IbecameanInfluence，’saidshe。
’Goodgracious，child，youdidn’tjointheTheosophistsandkissBuddha’sbigtoe，didyou？Itriedtogetintotheirsetonce，buttheycastmeoutforascepticwithoutachanceofimprovingmypoorlittlemind，too。’
’No，Ididn’tTheosophilander。Jacksays’
’NevermindJack。Whatahusbandsaysisknownbefore。Whatdidyoudo？’
’Imadealastingimpression。’
’SohaveIforfourmonths。Butthatdidn’tconsolemeintheleast。I
hatedtheman。Willyoustopsmilinginthatinscrutablewayandtellmewhatyoumean？’
Mrs。Mallowetold。
’AndyoumeantosaythatitisabsolutelyPlatoniconbothsides？’
’Absolutely，orIshouldneverhavetakenitup。’
’Andhislastpromotionwasduetoyou？’
Mrs。Mallowenodded。
’AndyouwarnedhimagainsttheTopshamGirl？’
Anothernod。
’AndtoldhimofSirDugaldDelane’sprivatememoabouthim？’
Athirdnod。
’Why？’
’Whataquestiontoaskawoman！Becauseitamusedmeatfirst。I
amproudofmypropertynow。IfIlive，heshallcontinuetobesuccessful。Yes，IwillputhimuponthestraightroadtoKnighthood，andeverythingelsethatamanvalues。Therestdependsuponhimself。’
’Polly，youareamostextraordinarywoman。’
’Notintheleast。I’mconcentrated，that’sall。Youdiffuseyourself，dear;andthoughallSimlaknowsyourskillinmanagingateam’
’Can’tyouchooseaprettierword？’
’Team，ofhalf-a-dozen，fromTheMussucktotheHawleyBoy，yougainnothingbyit。Notevenamusement。’
’Andyou？’
’Trymyrecipe。Takeaman，notaboy，mind，butanalmostmature，unattachedman，andbehisguide，philosopher，andfriend。You’llfinditthemostinterestingoccupationthatyoueverembarkedon。
Itcanbedoneyouneedn’tlooklikethatbecauseI’vedoneit。’
’There’sanelementofriskaboutitthatmakesthenotionattractive。
I’llgetsuchamanandsaytohim，’’Now，understandthattheremustbenoflirtation。DoexactlywhatItellyou，profitbymyinstructionandcounsels，andallwillyetbewell。"Isthattheidea？’
’Moreorless，’saidMrs。Mallowe，withanunfathomablesmile。
’Butbesureheunderstands。’
II
Dribble-dribbletrickle-trickleWhatalotofrawdust！
Mydollie’shadanaccidentAndoutcameallthesawdust！
NurseryRhyme。
SoMrs。Hauksbee，in’TheFoundry’whichoverlooksSimlaMall，satatthefeetofMrs。Malloweandgatheredwisdom。TheendoftheConferencewastheGreatIdeauponwhichMrs。Hauksbeesoplumedherself。
’Iwarnyou，’saidMrs。Mallowe，beginningtorepentofhersuggestion，’thatthematterisnothalfsoeasyasitlooks。AnywomaneventheTopshamGirlcancatchaman，butvery，veryfewknowhowtomanagehimwhencaught。’
’Mychild，’wastheanswer，’I’vebeenafemaleSt。SimonStyliteslookingdownuponmenforthesetheseyearspast。AskTheMussuckwhetherIcanmanagethem。’
Mrs。Hauksbeedepartedhumming，’I’llgotohimandsaytohiminmannermostironical。’Mrs。Mallowelaughedtoherself。Thenshegrewsuddenlysober。’IwonderwhetherI’vedonewellinadvisingthatamusement？Lucy’sacleverwoman，butathoughttoocareless。’
AweeklaterthetwometataMondayPop。’Well？’saidMrs。
Mallowe。
’I’vecaughthim！’saidMrs。Hauksbee：hereyesweredancingwithmerriment。
’Whoisit，madwoman？I’msorryIeverspoketoyouaboutit。’
’Lookbetweenthepillars。Inthethirdrow;fourthfromtheend。
Youcanseehisfacenow。Look！’
’OtisYeere！Ofalltheimprobableandimpossiblepeople！Idon’tbelieveyou。’
’Hsh！WaittillMrs。TarkassbeginsmurderingMiltonWellings;
andI’lltellyouallaboutit。S-s-ss！Thatwoman’svoicealwaysremindsmeofanUndergroundtraincomingintoEarl’sCourtwiththebrakeson。Nowlisten。ItisreallyOtisYeere。’
’SoIsee，butdoesitfollowthatheisyourproperty！’
’Heis！Byrightoftrove。Ifoundhim，lonelyandunbefriended，theverynextnightafterourtalk，attheDugaldDelanes’burra-khana。I
likedhiseyes，andItalkedtohim。Nextdayhecalled。Nextdaywewentforaridetogether，andto-dayhe’stiedtomy’richshaw-wheelshandandfoot。You’llseewhentheconcert’sover。Hedoesn’tknowI’mhereyet。’
’Thankgoodnessyouhaven’tchosenaboy。Whatareyougoingtodowithhim，assumingthatyou’vegothim？’
’Assuming，indeed！DoesawomandoIevermakeamistakeinthatsortofthing？First’Mrs。Hauksbeetickedofftheitemsostentatiouslyonherlittleglovedfingers’First，mydear，Ishalldresshimproperly。Atpresenthisraimentisadisgrace，andhewearsadress-shirtlikeacrumpledsheetofthePioneer。Secondly，afterIhavemadehimpresentable，Ishallformhismannershismoralsareabovereproach。’
’Youseemtohavediscoveredagreatdealabouthimconsideringtheshortnessofyouracquaintance。’
’Surelyyououghttoknowthatthefirstproofamangivesofhisinterestinawomanisbytalkingtoherabouthisownsweetself。Ifthewomanlistenswithoutyawning，hebeginstolikeher。Ifsheflatterstheanimal’svanity，heendsbyadoringher。’
’Insomecases。’
’Nevermindtheexceptions。Iknowwhichoneyouarethinkingof。
Thirdly，andlastly，afterheispolishedandmadepretty，Ishall，asyousaid，behisguide，philosopher，andfriend，andheshallbecomeasuccessasgreatasuccessasyourfriend。Ialwayswonderedhowthatmangoton。DidTheMussuckcometoyouwiththeCivilListand，droppingononekneeno，twoknees，？laGibbonhandittoyouandsay，’’Adorableangel，chooseyourfriend’sappointment"？’
’Lucy，yourlongexperiencesoftheMilitaryDepartmenthavedemoralisedyou。Onedoesn’tdothatsortofthingontheCivilSide。’
’NodisrespectmeanttoJack’sService，mydear。Ionlyaskedforinformation。Givemethreemonths，andseewhatchangesIshallworkinmyprey。’
’Goyourownwaysinceyoumust。ButI’msorrythatIwasweakenoughtosuggesttheamusement。’
’’’Iamalldiscretion，andmaybetrustedtoanin-fin-iteextent，"’
quotedMrs。HauksbeefromTheFallenAngel;andtheconversationceasedwithMrs。Tarkass’slast，long-drawnwar-whoop。
HerbitterestenemiesandshehadmanycouldhardlyaccuseMrs。
Hauksbeeofwastinghertime。OtisYeerewasoneofthosewandering’dumb’characters，foredoomedthroughlifetobenobody’sproperty。TenyearsinHerMajesty’sBengalCivilService，spent，forthemostpart，inundesirableDistricts，hadgivenhimlittletobeproudof，andnothingtobringconfidence。
Oldenoughtohavelostthefirstfinecarelessrapturethatshowersontheimmature’StuntimaginaryCommissionershipsandStars，andsendshimintothecollarwithcoltishearnestnessandabandon;tooyoungtobeyetabletolookbackupontheprogresshehadmade，andthankProvidencethatundertheconditionsofthedayhehadcomeevensofar，hestooduponthedead-centreofhiscareer。Andwhenamanstandsstillhefeelstheslightestimpulsefromwithout。FortunehadruledthatOtisYeereshouldbe，forthefirstpartofhisservice，oneoftherankandfilewhoaregroundupinthewheelsoftheAdministration;losingheartandsoul，andmindandstrength，intheprocess。UntilsteamreplacesmanualpowerintheworkingoftheEmpire，theremustalwaysbethispercentagemustalwaysbethemenwhoareusedup，expended，inthemeremechanicalroutine。Forthesepromotionisfaroffandthemill-grindofeverydayveryinstant。TheSecretariatsknowthemonlybyname;theyarenotthepickedmenoftheDistrictswithDivisionsandCollectoratesawaitingthem。
Theyaresimplytherankandfilethefoodforfeversharingwiththeryotandtheplough-bullockthehonourofbeingtheplinthonwhichtheStaterests。Theolderoneshavelosttheiraspirations;
theyoungerareputtingtheirsasidewithasigh。Bothlearntoendurepatientlyuntiltheendoftheday。Twelveyearsintherankandfile，mensay，willsaptheheartsofthebravestanddullthewitsofthemostkeen。
OutofthislifeOtisYeerehadfledforafewmonths;drifting，inthehopeofalittlemasculinesociety，intoSimla。Whenhisleavewasoverhewouldreturntohisswampy，sour-green，under-mannedBengaldistrict;tothenativeAssistant，thenativeDoctor，thenativeMagistrate，thesteaming，swelteringStation，theill-kemptCity，andtheundisguisedinsolenceoftheMunicipalitythatbabbledawaythelivesofmen。Lifewascheap，however。Thesoilspawnedhumanity，asitbredfrogsintheRains，andthegapofthesicknessofoneseasonwasfilledtooverflowingbythefecundityofthenext。Otiswasunfeignedlythankfultolaydownhisworkforalittlewhileandescapefromtheseething，whining，weaklyhive，impotenttohelpitself，butstronginitspowertocripple，thwart，andannoythesunkeneyedmanwho，byofficialirony，wassaidtobe’incharge’ofit。
’Iknewtherewerewomen-dowdiesinBengal。Theycomeupheresometimes。ButIdidn’tknowthatthereweremen-dowds，too。’
Then，forthefirsttime，itoccurredtoOtisYeerethathisclothesworeratherthemarkoftheages。ItwillbeseenthathisfriendshipwithMrs。Hauksbeehadmadegreatstrides。
Asthatladytruthfullysays，amanisneversohappyaswhenheistalkingabouthimself。FromOtisYeere’slipsMrs。Hauksbee，beforelong，learnedeverythingthatshewishedtoknowaboutthesubjectofherexperiment：learnedwhatmanneroflifehehadledinwhatshevaguelycalled’thoseawfulcholeradistricts’;learned，too，butthisknowledgecamelater，whatmanneroflifehehadpurposedtoleadandwhatdreamshehaddreamedintheyearofgrace’77，beforetherealityhadknockedtheheartoutofhim。Verypleasantaretheshadybridle-pathsroundProspectHillforthetellingofsuchconfidences。
’Notyet，’saidMrs。HauksbeetoMrs。Maliowe。’Notyet。Imustwaituntilthemanisproperlydressed，atleast。Greatheavens，isitpossiblethathedoesn’tknowwhatanhonouritistobetakenupbyMe！’
Mrs。Hauksbeedidnotreckonfalsemodestyasoneofherfailings。
’AlwayswithMrs。Hauksbee！’murmuredMrs。Mallowe，withhersweetestsmile，toOtis。’Ohyoumen，youmen！HereareourPunjabisgrowlingbecauseyou’vemonopolisedthenicestwomaninSimla。They’lltearyoutopiecesontheMall，someday，Mr。
Yeere。’
Mrs。Mallowerattleddownhill，havingsatisfiedherself，byaglancethroughthefringeofhersunshade，oftheeffectofherwords。
Theshotwenthome。OfasuretyOtisYeerewassomebodyinthisbewilderingwhirlofSimlahadmonopolisedthenicestwomaninit，andthePunjabisweregrowling。Thenotionjustifiedamildglowofvanity。HehadneverlookeduponhisacquaintancewithMrs。Hauksbeeasamatterforgeneralinterest。
Theknowledgeofenvywasapleasantfeelingtothemanofnoaccount。ItwasintensifiedlaterinthedaywhenaluncherattheClubsaidspitefully，’Well，foradebilitatedDitcher，Yeere，youaregoingit。Hasn’tanykindfriendtoldyouthatshe’sthemostdangerouswomaninSimla？’
Yeerechuckledandpassedout。When，oh，whenwouldhisnewclothesbeready？HedescendedintotheMalltoinquire;andMrs。
Hauksbee，comingovertheChurchRidgeinher’rickshaw，lookeddownuponhimapprovingly。’He’slearningtocarryhimselfasifhewereaman，insteadofapieceoffurniture，and，’shescreweduphereyestoseethebetterthroughthesunlight’heisamanwhenheholdshimselflikethat。OblessedConceit，whatshouldwebewithoutyou？’
Withthenewclothescameanewstockofself-confidence。OtisYeerediscoveredthathecouldenteraroomwithoutbreakingintoagentleperspirationcouldcrossone，eventotalktoMrs。
Hauksbee，asthoughroomsweremeanttobecrossed。Hewasforthefirsttimeinnineyearsproudofhimself，andcontentedwithhislife，satisfiedwithhisnewclothes，andrejoicinginthefriendshipofMrs。Hauksbee。
’Conceitiswhatthepoorfellowwants，’shesaidinconfidencetoMrs。Mallowe。’IbelievetheymustuseCivilianstoploughthefieldswithinLowerBengal。YouseeIhavetobeginfromtheverybeginninghaven’tI？Butyou’lladmit，won’tyou，dear，thatheisimmenselyimprovedsinceItookhiminhand。Onlygivemealittlemoretimeandhewon’tknowhimself。’
Indeed，Yeerewasrapidlybeginningtoforgetwhathehadbeen。
OneofhisownrankandfileputthematterbrutallywhenheaskedYeere，inreferencetonothing，’AndwhohasbeenmakingyouaMemberofCouncil，lately？Youcarrythesideofhalf-a-dozenof’em。’
’II’mawf’lysorry。Ididn’tmeanit，youknow，’saidYeereapologetically。
’There’llbenoholdingyou，’continuedtheoldstagergrimly。
’Climbdown，Otisclimbdown，andgetallthatbeastlyaffectationknockedoutofyouwithfever！Threethousandamonthwouldn’tsupportit。’
YeererepeatedtheincidenttoMrs。Hauksbee。HehadcometolookuponherashisMotherConfessor。
’Andyouapologised！’shesaid。’Oh，shame！Ihateamanwhoapologises。Neverapologiseforwhatyourfriendcalled’’side。"
Never！It’saman’sbusinesstobeinsolentandoverbearinguntilhemeetswithastronger。Now，youbadboy，listentome。’
Simplyandstraightforwardly，asthe’rickshawloiteredroundJakko，Mrs。HauksbeepreachedtoOtisYeeretheGreatGospelofConceit，illustratingitwithlivingpicturesencounteredduringtheirSundayafternoonstroll。
’Goodgracious！’sheendedwiththepersonalargument，’you’llapologisenextforbeingmyattach？！’
’Never！’saidOtisYeere。’That’sanotherthingaltogether。Ishallalwaysbe’
’What’scoming？’thoughtMrs。Hauksbee。
’Proudofthat，’saidOtis。
’Safeforthepresent，’shesaidtoherself。
’ButI’mafraidIhavegrownconceited。LikeJeshurun，youknow。
Whenhewaxedfat，thenhekicked。It’sthehavingnoworryonone’smindandtheHillair，Isuppose。’
’Hillair，indeed！’saidMrs。Hauksbeetoherself。’He’dhavebeenhidingintheClubtillthelastdayofhisleave，ifIhadn’tdiscoveredhim。’Andaloud’Whyshouldn’tyoube？Youhaveeveryrightto。’
’I！Why？’
’Oh，hundredsofthings。I’mnotgoingtowastethislovelyafternoonbyexplaining;butIknowyouhave。Whatwasthatheapofmanuscriptyoushowedmeaboutthegrammaroftheaboriginalwhat’stheirnames？’
’Gullals。Apieceofnonsense。I’vefartoomuchworktodotobotheroverGullalsnow。YoushouldseemyDistrict。ComedownwithyourhusbandsomedayandI’llshowyouround。SuchalovelyplaceintheRains！Asheetofwaterwiththerailway-embankmentandthesnakesstickingout，and，inthesummer，greenfliesandgreensquash。Thepeoplewoulddieoffearifyoushookadogwhipat’em。Buttheyknowyou’reforbiddentodothat，sotheyconspiretomakeyourlifeaburdentoyou。MyDistrict’sworkedbysomemanatDarjiling，onthestrengthofanativepleader’sfalsereports。Oh，it’saheavenlyplace！’
OtisYeerelaughedbitterly。
’There’snottheleastnecessitythatyoushouldstayinit。Whydoyou？’
’BecauseImust。How’mItogetoutofit？’
’How！Inahundredandfiftyways。Ifthereweren’tsomanypeopleontheroadI’dliketoboxyourears。Ask，mydearboy，ask！Look！
ThereisyoungHexarlywithsixyears’serviceandhalfyourtalents。Heaskedforwhathewanted，andhegotit。See，downbytheConvent！There’sMcArthurson，whohascometohispresentpositionbyaskingsheer，downrightaskingafterhehadpushedhimselfoutoftherankandfile。Onemanisasgoodasanotherinyourservicebelieveme。I’veseenSimlaformoreseasonsthanI
caretothinkabout。Doyousupposemenarechosenforappointmentsbecauseoftheirspecialfitnessbeforehand？Youhaveallpassedahightestwhatdoyoucallit？inthebeginning，and，exceptforthefewwhohavegonealtogethertothebad，youcanallworkhard。Askingdoestherest。Callitcheek，callitinsolence，callitanythingyoulike，butask！Menargueyes，Iknowwhatmensaythataman，bythemereaudacityofhisrequest，musthavesomegoodinhim。Aweakmandoesn’tsay：’’Givemethisandthat。"Hewhines：’’Whyhaven’tIbeengiventhisandthat？"IfyouwereintheArmy，Ishouldsaylearntospinplatesorplayatambourinewithyourtoes。Asitisask！YoubelongtoaServicethatoughttobeabletocommandtheChannelFleet，orsetalegattwentyminutes’notice，andyetyouhesitateoveraskingtoescapefromasquashygreendistrictwhereyouadmityouarenotmaster。
DroptheBengalGovernmentaltogether。EvenDarjilingisalittleout-of-the-wayhole。Iwasthereonce，andtherentswereextortionate。Assertyourself。GettheGovernmentofIndiatotakeyouover。TrytogetontheFrontier，whereeverymanhasagrandchanceifhecantrusthimself。Gosomewhere！Dosomething！Youhavetwicethewitsandthreetimesthepresenceofthemenuphere，and，and’Mrs。Hauksbeepausedforbreath;thencontinued’andinanywayyoulookatit，yououghtto。Youwhocouldgosofar！’
’Idon’tknow，’saidYeere，rathertakenabackbytheunexpectedeloquence。’Ihaven’tsuchagoodopinionofmyself。’
ItwasnotstrictlyPlatonic，butitwasPolicy。Mrs。Hauksbeelaidherhandlightlyupontheunglovedpawthatrestedontheturned-back’rickshawhood，and，lookingthemanfullintheface，saidtenderly，almosttootenderly，’Ibelieveinyouifyoumistrustyourself。Isthatenough，myfriend？’
’Itisenough，’answeredOtisverysolemnly。
Hewassilentforalongtime，redreamingthedreamsthathehaddreamedeightyearsago，butthroughthemallran，assheet-lightningthroughgoldencloud，thelightofMrs。Hauksbee’svioleteyes。
CuriousandimpenetrablearethemazesofSimlalifetheonlyexistenceinthisdesolatelandworththeliving。Graduallyitwentabroadamongmenandwomen，inthepausesbetweendance，play，andGymkhana，thatOtisYeere，themanwiththenewly-litlightofself-confidenceinhiseyes，had’donesomethingdecent’inthewildswhencehecame。HehadbroughtanerringMunicipalitytoreason，appropriatedthefundsonhisownresponsibility，andsavedthelivesofhundreds。HeknewmoreabouttheGullalsthananylivingman。Hadavastknowledgeoftheaboriginaltribes;was，inspiteofhisjuniority，thegreatestauthorityontheaboriginalGullals。NoonequiteknewwhoorwhattheGullalsweretillTheMussuck，whohadbeencallingonMrs。Hauksbee，andpridedhimselfuponpickingpeople’sbrains，explainedtheywereatribeofferocioushillmen，somewherenearSikkim，whosefriendshipeventheGreatIndianEmpirewouldfinditworthherwhiletosecure。NowweknowthatOtisYeerehadshowedMrs。HauksbeehisMS。notesofsixyears’standingonthesesameGullals。Hehadtoldher，too，how，sickandshakenwiththefevertheirnegligencehadbred，crippledbythelossofhispetclerk，andsavagelyangryatthedesolationinhischarge，hehadoncedamnedthecollectiveeyesofhis’intelligentlocalboard’forasetofharamzadas。Whichactof’brutalandtyrannousoppression’wonhimaReprimandRoyalfromtheBengalGovernment;butintheanecdoteasamendedforNorthernconsumptionwefindnorecordofthis。
HenceweareforcedtoconcludethatMrs。Hauksbeeeditedhisreminiscencesbeforesowingtheminidleears，ready，asshewellknew，toexaggerategoodorevil。AndOtisYeereborehimselfasbefittedtheheroofmanytales。
’Youcantalktomewhenyoudon’tfallintoabrownstudy。Talknow，andtalkyourbrightestandbest，’saidMrs。Hauksbee。
Otisneedednospur。Looktoamanwhohasthecounselofawomanoforabovetheworldtobackhim。Solongashekeepshishead，hecanmeetbothsexesonequalgroundanadvantageneverintendedbyProvidence，whofashionedManononedayandWomanonanother，insignthatneithershouldknowmorethanaverylittleoftheother’slife。Suchamangoesfar，or，thecounselbeingwithdrawn，collapsessuddenlywhilehisworldseeksthereason。
GeneralledbyMrs。Hauksbee，who，again，hadallMrs。Mallowe’swisdomatherdisposal，proudofhimselfand，intheend，believinginhimselfbecausehewasbelievedin，OtisYeerestoodreadyforanyfortunethatmightbefall，certainthatitwouldbegood。Hewouldfightforhisownhand，andintendedthatthissecondstruggleshouldleadtobetterissuethanthefirsthelplesssurrenderofthebewildered’Stunt。
Whatmighthavehappeneditisimpossibletosay。Thislamentablethingbefell，breddirectlybyastatementofMrs。HauksbeethatshewouldspendthenextseasoninDarjiling。
’Areyoucertainofthat？’saidOtisYeere。
’Quite。We’rewritingaboutahousenow。’
OtisYeere’stoppeddead，’asMrs。HauksbeeputitindiscussingtherelapsewithMrs。Mallowe。
’Hehasbehaved，’shesaidangrily，’justlikeCaptainKerrington’sponyonlyOtisisadonkeyatthelastGymkhana。Plantedhisforefeetandrefusedtogoonanotherstep。Polly，myman’sgoingtodisappointme。WhatshallIdo？’
Asarule，Mrs。Mallowedoesnotapproveofstaring，butonthisoccasionsheopenedhereyestotheutmost。
’Youhavemanagedcleverlysofar，’shesaid。’Speaktohim，andaskhimwhathemeans。’
’Iwillatto-night’sdance。’
’Noo，notatadance，’saidMrs。Mallowecautiously。’Menareneverthemselvesquiteatdances。Betterwaittillto-morrowmorning。’
’Nonsense。Ifhe’sgoingto’vertinthisinsanewaythereisn’tadaytolose。Areyougoing？No？Thensitupforme，there’sadear。I
shan’tstaylongerthansupperunderanycircumstances。’
Mrs。Mallowewaitedthroughtheevening，lookinglongandearnestlyintothefire，andsometimessmilingtoherself。
’Oh！oh！oh！Theman’sanidiot！Araving，positiveidiot！I’msorryI
eversawhim！’
Mrs。HauksbeeburstintoMrs。Mallowe’shouse，atmidnight，almostintears。
’Whatintheworldhashappened？’saidMrs。Mallowe，buthereyesshowedthatshehadguessedananswer。
’Happened！Everythinghashappened！Hewasthere。Iwenttohimandsaid，’’Now，whatdoesthisnonsensemean？"Don’tlaugh，dear，Ican’tbearit。ButyouknowwhatImeanIsaid。Thenitwasasquare，andIsatitoutwithhimandwantedanexplanation，andhesaidOh！Ihaven’tpatiencewithsuchidiots！YouknowwhatIsaidaboutgoingtoDarjilingnextyear？Itdoesn’tmattertomewhereI
go。I’dhavechangedtheStationandlosttherenttohavesavedthis。Hesaid，insomanywords，thathewasn’tgoingtotrytoworkupanymore，becausebecausehewouldbeshiftedintoaprovinceawayfromDarjiling，andhisownDistrict，wherethesecreaturesare，iswithinaday’sjourney’
’Ahhh！’saidMrs。Mallowe，inatoneofonewhohassuccessfullytrackedanobscurewordthroughalargedictionary。
’Didyoueverhearofanythingsomadsoabsurd？Andhehadtheballathisfeet。Hehadonlytokickit！Iwouldhavemadehimanything！Anythinginthewideworld。Hecouldhavegonetotheworld’send。Iwouldhavehelpedhim。Imadehim，didn’tI，Polly？
Didn’tIcreatethatman？Doesn’theoweeverythingtome？Andtorewardme，justwheneverythingwasnicelyarranged，bythislunacythatspoilteverything！’
’Veryfewmenunderstandyourdevotionthoroughly。’
’Oh，Polly，don’tlaughatme！Igivemenupfromthishour。Icouldhavekilledhimthenandthere。WhatrighthadthismanthisThingIhadpickedoutofhisfilthypaddy-fieldstomakelovetome？’
’Hedidthat，didhe？’
’Hedid。Idon’trememberhalfhesaid，Iwassoangry。Oh，butsuchafunnythinghappened！Ican’thelplaughingatitnow，thoughI
feltnearlyreadytocrywithrage。HeravedandIstormedI’mafraidwemusthavemadeanawfulnoiseinourkalajuggah。
Protectmycharacter，dear，ifit’salloverSimlabyto-morrowandthenhebobbedforwardinthemiddleofthisinsanityIfirmlybelievetheman’sdementedandkissedme。’
’Moralsabovereproach，’purredMrs。Mallowe。
’Sotheyweresotheyare！Itwasthemostabsurdkiss。Idon’tbelievehe’deverkissedawomaninhislifebefore。Ithrewmyheadback，anditwasasortofslidy，peckingdab，justontheendofthechinhere。’Mrs。Hauksbeetappedhermasculinelittlechinwithherfan。’Then，ofcourse，Iwasfuriouslyangry，andtoldhimthathewasnogentleman，andIwassorryI’devermethim，andsoon。HewascrushedsoeasilythenIcouldn’tbeveryangry。ThenI
cameawaystraighttoyou。’
’Wasthisbeforeoraftersupper？’
’Oh！beforeoceansbefore。Isn’titperfectlydisgusting？’
’Letmethink。Iwithholdjudgmenttilltomorrow。Morningbringscounsel。’
ButmorningbroughtonlyaservantwithadaintybouquetofAnnandalerosesforMrs。HauksbeetowearatthedanceatViceregalLodgethatnight。
’Hedoesn’tseemtobeverypenitent，’saidMrs。Mallowe。’What’sthebillet-douxinthecentre？’
Mrs。Hauksbeeopenedtheneatly-foldednote，anotheraccomplishmentthatshehadtaughtOtis，readit，andgroanedtragically。
’Lastwreckofafeebleintellect！Poetry！Isithisown，doyouthink？Oh，thatIeverbuiltmyhopesonsuchamaudlinidiot！’
’No。It’saquotationfromMrs。Browning，andinviewofthefactsofthecase，asJacksays，uncommonlywellchosen。ListenSweet，thouhasttrodonaheart，Pass！There’saworldfullofmen;
AndwomenasfairasthouartMustdosuchthingsnowandthen。
ThouonlyhaststeppedunawareMalicenotonecanimpute;
Andwhyshouldahearthavebeenthere，Inthewayofafairwoman’sfoot？
’Ididn’tIdidn’tIdidn’t！’saidMrs。Hauksbeeangrily，hereyesfillingwithtears;’therewasnomaliceatall。Oh，it’stoovexatious！’
’You’vemisunderstoodthecompliment，’saidMrs。Mallowe。’HeclearsyoucompletelyandahemIshouldthinkbythis，thathehasclearedcompletelytoo。Myexperienceofmenisthatwhentheybegintoquotepoetrytheyaregoingtoflit。Likeswanssingingbeforetheydie，youknow。’
’Polly，youtakemysorrowsinamostunfeelingway。’
’DoI？Isitsoterrible？Ifhe’shurtyourvanity，Ishouldsaythatyou’vedoneacertainamountofdamagetohisheart。’
’Oh，youcannevertellaboutaman！’saidMrs。Hauksbee。
AtthePit’sMouthMensayitwasastolentideTheLordthatsentitHeknowsall，ButinmineearwillayeabideThemessagethatthebellsletfall-
Andawesomebellstheyweretome，Thatinthedarkrang，’Enderby。’
——JeanIngelowOnceuponatimetherewasaManandhisWifeandaTertiumQuid。
Allthreewereunwise，buttheWifewastheunwisest。TheManshouldhavelookedafterhisWife，whoshouldhaveavoidedtheTertiumQuid，who，again，shouldhavemarriedawifeofhisown，aftercleanandopenflirtations，towhichnobodycanpossiblyobject，roundJakkoorObservatoryHill。Whenyouseeayoungmanwithhisponyinawhitelatherandhishatonthebackofhishead，flyingdownhillatfifteenmilesanhourtomeetagirlwhowillbeproperlysurprisedtomeethim，younaturallyapproveofthatyoungman，andwishhimStaffappointments，andtakeaninterestinhiswelfare，and，asthepropertimecomes，givethemsugar-tongsorside-saddlesaccordingtoyourmeansandgenerosity。
TheTertiumQuidflewdownhillonhorseback，butitwastomeettheMan’sWife;andwhenheflewuphillitwasforthesameend。
TheManwasinthePlains，earningmoneyforhisWifetospendondressesandfour-hundred-rupeebracelets，andinexpensiveluxuriesofthatkind。Heworkedveryhard，andsentheraletterorapost-carddaily。Shealsowrotetohimdaily，andsaidthatshewaslongingforhimtocomeuptoSimla。TheTertiumQuidusedtoleanoverhershoulderandlaughasshewrotethenotes。ThenthetwowouldridetothePost-officetogether。
Now，Simlaisastrangeplaceanditscustomsarepeculiar;norisanymanwhohasnotspentatleasttenseasonstherequalifiedtopassjudgmentoncircumstantialevidence，whichisthemostuntrustworthyintheCourts。Forthesereasons，andforotherswhichneednotappear，IdeclinetostatepositivelywhethertherewasanythingirretrievablywrongintherelationsbetweentheMan’sWifeandtheTertiumQuid。Iftherewas，andhereonyoumustformyourownopinion，itwastheMan’sWife’sfault。Shewaskittenishinhermanners，wearinggenerallyanairofsoftandfluffyinnocence。Butshewasdeadlilylearnedandevil-instructed;
and，nowandagain，whenthemaskdropped，mensawthis，shudderedandalmostdrewback。Menareoccasionallyparticular，andtheleastparticularmenarealwaysthemostexacting。
Simlaiseccentricinitsfashionoftreatingfriendships。Certainattachmentswhichhavesetandcrystallisedthroughhalf-a-dozenseasonsacquirealmostthesanctityofthemarriagebond，andarereveredassuch。Again，certainattachmentsequallyold，and，toallappearance，equallyvenerable，neverseemtowinanyrecognisedofficialstatus;whileachance-sprungacquaintance，nottwomonthsborn，stepsintotheplacewhichbyrightbelongstothesenior。Thereisnolawreducibletoprintwhichregulatestheseaffairs。
Somepeoplehaveagiftwhichsecurestheminfinitetoleration，andothershavenot。TheMan’sWifehadnot。Ifshelookedoverthegardenwall，forinstance，womentaxedherwithstealingtheirhusbands。Shecomplainedpatheticallythatshewasnotallowedtochooseherownfriends。Whensheputupherbigwhitemufftoherlips，andgazedoveritandunderhereyebrowsatyouasshesaidthisthing，youfeltthatshehadbeeninfamouslymisjudged，andthatalltheotherwomen’sinstinctswereallwrong;whichwasabsurd。ShewasnotallowedtoowntheTertiumQuidinpeace;
andwassostrangelyconstructedthatshewouldnothaveenjoyedpeacehadshebeensopermitted。Shepreferredsomesemblanceofintriguetocloakevenhermostcommonplaceactions。
Aftertwomonthsofriding，firstroundJakko，thenElysium，thenSummerHill，thenObservatoryHill，thenunderJutogh，andlastlyupanddowntheCartRoadasfarastheTaraDevigapinthedusk，shesaidtotheTertiumQuid，’Frank，peoplesaywearetoomuchtogether，andpeoplearesohorrid。’
TheTertiumQuidpulledhismoustache，andrepliedthathorridpeoplewereunworthyoftheconsiderationofnicepeople。
’ButtheyhavedonemorethantalktheyhavewrittenwrittentomyhubbyI’msureofit，’saidtheMan’sWife，andshepulledaletterfromherhusbandoutofhersaddle-pocketandgaveittotheTertiumQuid。
Itwasanhonestletter，writtenbyanhonestman，thenstewinginthePlainsontwohundredrupeesamonth（forheallowedhiswifeeighthundredandfifty），andinasilkbanianandcottontrousers。Itsaidthat，perhaps，shehadnotthoughtoftheunwisdomofallowinghernametobesogenerallycoupledwiththeTertiumQuid’s;thatshewastoomuchofachildtounderstandthedangersofthatsortofthing;thathe，herhusband，wasthelastmanintheworldtointerferejealouslywithherlittleamusementsandinterests，butthatitwouldbebetterwereshetodroptheTertiumQuidquietlyandforherhusband’ssake。Theletterwassweetenedwithmanyprettylittlepetnames，anditamusedtheTertiumQuidconsiderably。HeandShelaughedoverit，sothatyou，fiftyyardsaway，couldseetheirshouldersshakingwhilethehorsesslouchedalongsidebyside。
Theirconversationwasnotworthreporting。Theupshotofitwasthat，nextday，noonesawtheMan’sWifeandtheTertiumQuidtogether。TheyhadbothgonedowntotheCemetery，which，asarule，isonlyvisitedofficiallybytheinhabitantsofSimla。
ASimlafuneralwiththeclergymanriding，themournersriding，andthecoffincreakingasitswingsbetweenthebearers，isoneofthemostdepressingthingsonthisearth，particularlywhentheprocessionpassesunderthewet，dankdipbeneaththeRockcliffeHotel，wherethesunisshutout，andallthehillstreamsarewailingandweepingtogetherastheygodownthevalleys。
Occasionallyfolktendthegraves，butweinIndiashiftandaretransferredsooftenthat，attheendofthesecondyear，theDeadhavenofriendonlyacquaintanceswhoarefartoobusyamusingthemselvesupthehilltoattendtooldpartners。TheideaofusingaCemeteryasarendezvousisdistinctlyafeminineone。Amanwouldhavesaidsimply，’Letpeopletalk。We’llgodowntheMall。’
Awomanismadedifferently，especiallyifshebesuchawomanastheMan’sWife。SheandtheTertiumQuidenjoyedeachother’ssocietyamongthegravesofmenandwomenwhomtheyhadknownanddancedwithaforetime。
Theyusedtotakeabighorse-blanketandsitonthegrassalittletotheleftofthelowerend，wherethereisadipintheground，andwheretheoccupiedgravesstopshortandtheready-madeonesarenotready。Eachwell-regulatedIndianCemeterykeepshalf-a-dozengravespermanentlyopenforcontingenciesandincidentalwearandtear。IntheHillsthesearemoreusuallybaby’ssize，becausechildrenwhocomeupweakenedandsickfromthePlainsoftensuccumbtotheeffectsoftheRainsintheHillsorgetpneumoniafromtheirayahstakingthemthroughdamppine-woodsafterthesunhasset。InCantonments，ofcourse，theman’ssizeismoreinrequest;thesearrangementsvaryingwiththeclimateandpopulation。
OnedaywhentheMan’sWifeandtheTertiumQuidhadjustarrivedintheCemetery，theysawsomecooliesbreakingground。
Theyhadmarkedoutafull-sizegrave，andtheTertiumQuidaskedthemwhetheranySahibwassick。Theysaidthattheydidnotknow;butitwasanorderthattheyshoulddigaSahib’sgrave。
’Workaway，’saidtheTertiumQuid，’andlet’sseehowit’sdone。’
Thecooliesworkedaway，andtheMan’sWifeandtheTertiumQuidwatchedandtalkedforacoupleofhourswhilethegravewasbeingdeepened。Thenacoolie，takingtheearthinbasketsasitwasthrownup，jumpedoverthegrave。
’That’squeer，’saidtheTertiumQuid。’Where’smyulster？’
’What’squeer？’saidtheMan’sWife。
’Ihavegotachilldownmybackjustasifagoosehadwalkedovermygrave。’
’Whydoyoulookatthething，then？’saidtheMan’sWife。’Letusgo。’
TheTertiumQuidstoodattheheadofthegrave，andstaredwithoutansweringforaspace。Thenhesaid，droppingapebbledown，’Itisnastyandcold：horriblycold。Idon’tthinkIshallcometotheCemeteryanymore。Idon’tthinkgrave-diggingischeerful。’
ThetwotalkedandagreedthattheCemeterywasdepressing。TheyalsoarrangedforaridenextdayoutfromtheCemeterythroughtheMashobraTunneluptoFagooandback，becausealltheworldwasgoingtoagarden-partyatViceregalLodge，andallthepeopleofMashobrawouldgotoo。
CominguptheCemeteryroad，theTertiumQuid’shorsetriedtoboltuphill，beingtiredwithstandingsolong，andmanagedtostrainabacksinew。
’Ishallhavetotakethemareto-morrow，’saidtheTertiumQuid，’andshewillstandnothingheavierthanasnaffle。’
TheymadetheirarrangementstomeetintheCemetery，afterallowingalltheMashobrapeopletimetopassintoSimla。Thatnightitrainedheavily，and，nextday，whentheTertiumQuidcametothetrysting-place，hesawthatthenewgravehadafootofwaterinit，thegroundbeingatoughandsourclay。
’’Jove！Thatlooksbeastly，’saidtheTertiumQuid。’Fancybeingboardedupanddroppedintothatwell！’
TheythenstartedofftoFagoo，themareplayingwiththesnaffleandpickingherwayasthoughshewereshodwithsatin，andthesunshiningdivinely。TheroadbelowMashobratoFagooisofficiallystyledtheHimalayan-Thibetroad;butinspiteofitsnameitisnotmuchmorethansixfeetwideinmostplaces，andthedropintothevalleybelowmaybeanythingbetweenoneandtwothousandfeet。
’Nowwe’regoingtoThibet，’saidtheMan’sWifemerrily，asthehorsesdrewneartoFagoo。Shewasridingonthecliff-side。
’IntoThibet，’saidtheTertiumQuid，’eversofarfrompeoplewhosayhorridthings，andhubbieswhowritestupidletters。Withyoutotheendoftheworld！’
Acooliecarryingalogofwoodcameroundacorner，andthemarewentwidetoavoidhimforefeetinandhaunchesout，asasensiblemareshouldgo。
’Totheworld’send，’saidtheMan’sWife，andlookedunspeakablethingsoverhernearshoulderattheTertiumQuid。
Hewassmiling，but，whileshelooked，thesmilefrozestiffasitwereonhisface，andchangedtoanervousgrinthesortofgrinmenwearwhentheyarenotquiteeasyintheirsaddles。Themareseemedtobesinkingbythestern，andhernostrilscrackedwhileshewastryingtorealisewhatwashappening。Therainofthenightbeforehadrottedthedrop-sideoftheHimalayan-ThibetRoad，anditwasgivingwayunderher。’Whatareyoudoing？’saidtheMan’sWife。TheTertiumQuidgavenoanswer。Hegrinnednervouslyandsethisspursintothemare，whorappedwithherforefeetontheroad，andthestrugglebegan。TheMan’sWifescreamed，’Oh，Frank，getoff！’
ButtheTertiumQuidwasgluedtothesaddlehisfaceblueandwhiteandhelookedintotheMan’sWife’seyes。ThentheMan’sWifeclutchedatthemare’sheadandcaughtherbythenoseinsteadofthebridle。Thebrutethrewupherheadandwentdownwithascream，theTertiumQuiduponher，andthenervousgrinstillsetonhisface。
TheMan’sWifeheardthetinkle-tinkleoflittlestonesandlooseearthfallingofftheroadway，andtheslidingroarofthemanandhorsegoingdown。Theneverythingwasquiet，andshecalledonFranktoleavehismareandwalkup。ButFrankdidnotanswer。Hewasunderneaththemare，ninehundredfeetbelow，spoilingapatchofIndiancorn。
AstherevellerscamebackfromViceregalLodgeinthemistsoftheevening，theymetatemporarilyinsanewoman，onatemporarilymadhorse，swingingroundthecorners，withhereyesandhermouthopen，andherheadliketheheadofaMedusa。Shewasstoppedbyamanattheriskofhislife，andtakenoutofthesaddle，alimpheap，andputonthebanktoexplainherself。Thiswastedtwentyminutes，andthenshewassenthomeinalady’s’rickshaw，stillwithhermouthopenandherhandspickingatherriding-gloves。
Shewasinbedthroughthefollowingthreedays，whichwererainy;soshemissedattendingthefuneraloftheTertiumQuid，whowasloweredintoeighteeninchesofwater，insteadofthetwelvetowhichhehadfirstobjected。
AWaysideComedyBecausetoeverypurposethereistimeandjudgment，thereforethemiseryofmanisgreatuponhim。
——Eccles。viii。6。
FateandtheGovernmentofIndiahaveturnedtheStationofKashimaintoaprison;and，becausethereisnohelpforthepoorsoulswhoarenowlyingthereintorment，Iwritethisstory，prayingthattheGovernmentofIndiamaybemovedtoscattertheEuropeanpopulationtothefourwinds。
KashimaisboundedonallsidesbytherocktippedcircleoftheDosehrihills。InSpring，itisablazewithroses;inSummer，therosesdieandthehotwindsblowfromthehills;inAutumn，thewhitemistsfromthejhilscovertheplaceaswithwater，andinWinterthefrostsnipeverythingyoungandtendertoearth-level。
ThereisbutoneviewinKashimaastretchofperfectlyflatpastureandplough-land，runninguptothegray-bluescruboftheDosehrihills。
Therearenoamusements，exceptsnipeandtigershooting;butthetigershavebeenlongsincehuntedfromtheirlairsintherock-caves，andthesnipeonlycomeonceayear。Narkarraonehundredandforty-threemilesbyroadistheneareststationtoKashima。ButKashimanevergoestoNarkarra，wherethereareatleasttwelveEnglishpeople。ItstayswithinthecircleoftheDosehrihills。
AllKashimaacquitsMrs。Vansuythenofanyintentiontodoharm;
butallKashimaknowsthatshe，andshealone，broughtabouttheirpain。
Boulte，theEngineer，Mrs。Boulte，andCaptainKurrellknowthis。
TheyaretheEnglishpopulationofKashima，ifweexceptMajorVansuythen，whoisofnoimportancewhatever，andMrs。
Vansuythen，whoisthemostimportantofall。
Youmustremember，thoughyouwillnotunderstand，thatalllawsweakeninasmallandhiddencommunitywherethereisnopublicopinion。WhenamanisabsolutelyaloneinaStationherunsacertainriskoffallingintoevilways。ThisriskismultipliedbyeveryadditiontothepopulationuptotwelvetheJury-number。
Afterthat，fearandconsequentrestraintbegin，andhumanactionbecomeslessgrotesquelyjerky。
TherewasdeeppeaceinKashimatillMrs。Vansuythenarrived。
Shewasacharmingwoman，everyonesaidsoeverywhere;andshecharmedeveryone。Inspiteofthis，or，perhaps，becauseofthis，sinceFateissoperverse，shecaredonlyforoneman，andhewasMajorVansuythen。Hadshebeenplainorstupid，thismatterwouldhavebeenintelligibletoKashima。Butshewasafairwoman，withverystillgrayeyes，thecolourofalakejustbeforethelightofthesuntouchesit。Nomanwhohadseenthoseeyescould，lateron，explainwhatfashionofwomanshewastolookupon。Theeyesdazzledhim。Herownsexsaidthatshewas’notbad-looking，butspoiltbypretendingtobesograve。’Andyethergravitywasnatural。Itwasnotherhabittosmile。Shemerelywentthroughlife，lookingatthosewhopassed;andthewomenobjectedwhilethemenfelldownandworshipped。
SheknowsandisdeeplysorryfortheevilshehasdonetoKashima;butMajorVansuythencannotunderstandwhyMrs。
Boultedoesnotdropintoafternoonteaatleastthreetimesaweek。’WhenthereareonlytwowomeninoneStation，theyoughttoseeagreatdealofeachother，’saysMajorVansuythen。
LongandlongbeforeeverMrs。Vansuythencameoutofthosefar-awayplaceswherethereissocietyandamusement，KurrellhaddiscoveredthatMrs。Boultewastheonewomanintheworldforhimandyoudarenotblamethem。KashimawasasoutoftheworldasHeavenortheOtherPlace，andtheDosehrihillskepttheirsecretwell。Boultehadnoconcerninthematter。Hewasincampforafortnightatatime。Hewasahard，heavyman，andneitherMrs。BoultenorKurrellpitiedhim。TheyhadallKashimaandeachotherfortheirvery，veryown;andKashimawastheGardenofEdeninthosedays。WhenBoultereturnedfromhiswanderingshewouldslapKurrellbetweentheshouldersandcallhim’oldfellow，’andthethreewoulddinetogether。KashimawashappythenwhenthejudgmentofGodseemedalmostasdistantasNarkarraortherailwaythatrandowntothesea。ButtheGovernmentsentMajorVansuythentoKashima，andwithhimcamehiswife。
TheetiquetteofKashimaismuchthesameasthatofadesertisland。Whenastrangeriscastawaythere，allhandsgodowntotheshoretomakehimwelcome。KashimaassembledatthemasonryplatformclosetotheNarkarraRoad，andspreadteafortheVansuythens。Thatceremonywasreckonedaformalcall，andmadethemfreeoftheStation，itsrightsandprivileges。WhentheVansuythenssettleddowntheygaveatinyhouse-warmingtoallKashima;andthatmadeKashimafreeoftheirhouse，accordingtotheimmemorialusageoftheStation。
ThentheRainscame，whennoonecouldgointocamp，andtheNarkarraRoadwaswashedawaybytheKasunRiver，andinthecup-likepasturesofKashimathecattlewadedknee-deep。ThecloudsdroppeddownfromtheDosehrihillsandcoveredeverything。
AttheendoftheRainsBoulte’smannertowardshiswifechangedandbecamedemonstrativelyaffectionate。Theyhadbeenmarriedtwelveyears，andthechangestartledMrs。Boulte，whohatedherhusbandwiththehateofawomanwhohasmetwithnothingbutkindnessfromhermate，and，intheteethofthiskindness，hasdonehimagreatwrong。Moreover，shehadherowntroubletofightwithherwatchtokeepoverherownproperty，Kurrell。FortwomonthstheRainshadhiddentheDosehrihillsandmanyotherthingsbesides;but，whentheylifted，theyshowedMrs。Boultethathermanamongmen，herTedforshecalledhimTedintheolddayswhenBoultewasoutofearshotwasslippingthelinksoftheallegiance。
’TheVansuythenWomanhastakenhim，’Mrs。Boultesaidtoherself;andwhenBoultewasaway，weptoverherbelief，inthefaceoftheover-vehementblandishmentsofTed。SorrowinKashimaisasfortunateasLovebecausethereisnothingtoweakenitsavetheflightofTime。Mrs。BoultehadneverbreathedhersuspiciontoKurrellbecauseshewasnotcertain;andhernatureledhertobeverycertainbeforeshetookstepsinanydirection。Thatiswhyshebehavedasshedid。