Polly，Ishallseethisbusinessouttothebitterend。’
　　’Iamgoingtosleep，’saidMrs。Mallowecalmly。’IneverinterferewithmenorwomenunlessIamcompelled，’andsheretiredwithdignitytoherownroom。
　　Mrs。Hauksbee’scuriositywasnotlongleftungratified，forMrs。
　　BentcameuptoSimlaafewdaysaftertheconversationfaithfullyreportedabove，andpervadedtheMallbyherhusband’sside’Behold！’saidMrs。Hauksbee，thoughtfullyrubbinghernose。’Thatisthelastlinkofthechain，ifweomitthehusbandoftheDelville，whoeverhemaybe。Letmeconsider。TheBentsandtheDelvillesinhabitthesamehotel;andtheDelvilleisdetestedbytheWaddydoyouknowtheWaddy？whoisalmostasbigadowd。TheWaddyalsoabominatesthemaleBent，forwhich，ifherothersinsdonotweightooheavily，shewilleventuallygotoHeaven。’
　　’Don’tbeirreverent，’saidMrs。Mallowe，’IlikeMrs。Bent’sface。’
　　’IamdiscussingtheWaddy，’returnedMrs。Hauksbeeloftily。’TheWaddywilltakethefemaleBentapart，afterhavingborrowedyes！
　　everythingthatshecan，fromhairpinstobabies’bottles。Such，mydear，islifeinahotel。TheWaddywilltellthefemaleBentfactsandfictionsaboutTheDancingMasterandTheDowd。’
　　’Lucy，Ishouldlikeyoubetterifyouwerenotalwayslookingintopeople’sback-bedrooms。’
　　’Anybodycanlookintotheirfrontdrawingrooms;andrememberwhateverIdo，andwhateverIlook，InevertalkastheWaddywill。
　　LetushopethatTheDancingMaster’sgreasysmileandmannerofthepedagoguewillsoftentheheartofthatcow，hiswife。Ifmouthsspeaktruth，IshouldthinkthatlittleMrs。Bentcouldgetveryangryonoccasion。’
　　’Butwhatreasonhassheforbeingangry？’
　　’Whatreason！TheDancingMasterinhimselfisareason。Howdoesitgo？’’Ifinhislifesometrivialerrorsfall，Lookinhisfaceandyou’llbelievethemall。"IampreparedtocreditanyevilofTheDancingMaster，becauseIhatehimso。AndTheDowdissodisgustinglybadlydressed’
　　’Thatshe，too，iscapableofeveryiniquity？Ialwaysprefertobelievethebestofeverybody。Itsavessomuchtrouble。’
　　’Verygood。Iprefertobelievetheworst。Itsavesuselessexpenditureofsympathy。AndyoumaybequitecertainthattheWaddybelieveswithme。’
　　Mrs。Mallowesighedandmadenoanswer。
　　TheconversationwasholdenafterdinnerwhileMrs。Hauksbeewasdressingforadance。
　　’Iamtootiredtogo，’pleadedMrs。Mallowe，andMrs。Hauksbeeleftherinpeacetilltwointhemorning，whenshewasawareofemphaticknockingatherdoor。
　　’Don’tbeveryangry，dear，’saidMrs。Hauksbee。’Myidiotofanayahhasgonehome，and，asIhopetosleepto-night，thereisn’tasoulintheplacetounlaceme。’
　　’Oh，thisistoobad！’saidMrs。Mallowesulkily。
　　’’Canthelpit。I’malone，lorngrass-widow，dear，butIwillnotsleepinmystays。Andsuchnewstoo！Oh，dounlaceme，there’sadarling！TheDowdTheDancingMasterIandtheHawleyBoyYouknowtheNorthverandah？’
　　’HowcanIdoanythingifyouspinroundlikethis？’protestedMrs。
　　Mallowe，fumblingwiththeknotofthelaces。
　　’Oh，Iforget。Imusttellmytalewithouttheaidofyoureyes。Doyouknowyou’velovelyeyes，dear？Well，tobeginwith，ItooktheHawleyBoytoakalajuggah。’
　　’Didhewantmuchtaking？’
　　’Lots！Therewasanarrangementofloose-boxesinkanats，andshewasinthenextonetalkingtohim。’
　　’Which？How？Explain。’
　　’YouknowwhatImeanTheDowdandTheDancingMaster。Wecouldheareveryword，andwelistenedshamelessly’speciallytheHawleyBoy。Polly，Iquitelovethatwoman！’
　　’Thisisinteresting。There！Nowturnround。Whathappened？’
　　’Onemoment。Ahh！Blessedrelief。I’vebeenlookingforwardtotakingthemoffforthelasthalf-hourwhichisominousatmytimeoflife。But，asIwassaying，welistenedandheardTheDowddrawlworsethanever。Shedropsherfinalg’slikeabarmaidorablue-bloodedAide-de-Camp。’’Lookhe-ere，you’regettin’toofondo’me，"shesaid，andTheDancingMasterowneditwassoinlanguagethatnearlymademeill。TheDowdreflectedforawhile。
　　Thenweheardhersay，’’Lookhe-ere，MisterBent，whyareyousuchanaw-fulliar？"InearlyexplodedwhileTheDancingMasterdeniedthecharge。Itseemsthathenevertoldherhewasamarriedman。’
　　’Isaidhewouldn’t。’
　　’Andshehadtakenthistoheart，onpersonalgrounds，Isuppose。
　　Shedrawledalongforfiveminutes，reproachinghimwithhisperfidy，andgrewquitemotherly。’’Nowyou’vegotanicelittlewifeofyourownyouhave，"shesaid。’’She’stentimestoogoodforafatoldmanlikeyou，and，lookhe-ere，younevertoldmeawordabouther，andI’vebeenthinkin’aboutitagooddeal，andIthinkyou’realiar。"Wasn’tthatdelicious？TheDancingMastermaunderedandravedtilltheHawleyBoysuggestedthatheshouldburstinandbeathim。Hisvoicerunsupintoanimpassionedsqueakwhenheisafraid。TheDowdmustbeanextraordinarywoman。Sheexplainedthathadhebeenabachelorshemightnothaveobjectedtohisdevotion;butsincehewasamarriedmanandthefatherofaverynicebaby，sheconsideredhimahypocrite，andthissherepeatedtwice。Shewoundupherdrawlwith：’’An’I’mtellin’youthisbecauseyourwifeisangrywithme，an’Ihatequarrellin’withanyotherwoman，an’Ilikeyourwife。Youknowhowyouhavebehavedforthelastsixweeks。Youshouldn’thavedoneit，indeedyoushouldn’t。You’retoooldan’toofat。"Can’tyouimaginehowTheDancingMasterwouldwinceatthat！’’Nowgoaway，"shesaid。’’Idon’twanttotellyouwhatIthinkofyou，becauseIthinkyouarenotnice。I’llstayhe-eretillthenextdancebegins。"Didyouthinkthatthecreaturehadsomuchinher？’
　　’Ineverstudiedherascloselyasyoudid。Itsoundsunnatural。Whathappened？’
　　’TheDancingMasterattemptedblandishment，reproof，jocularity，andthestyleoftheLordHighWarden，andIhadalmosttopinchtheHawleyBoytomakehimkeepquiet。Shegruntedattheendofeachsentenceand，intheend，hewentawayswearingtohimself，quitelikeamaninanovel。Helookedmoreobjectionablethanever。Ilaughed。Ilovethatwomaninspiteofherclothes。AndnowI’mgoingtobed。Whatdoyouthinkofit？’
　　’Ishan’tbegintothinktillthemorning，’saidMrs。Mallowe，yawning。’Perhapsshespokethetruth。Theydoflyintoitbyaccidentsometimes。’
　　Mrs。Hauksbee’saccountofhereavesdroppingwasanornateone，buttruthfulinthemain。Forreasonsbestknowntoherself，Mrs。
　　’Shady’DelvillehadturneduponMr。Bentandrenthimlimbfromlimb，castinghimawaylimpanddisconcertedereshewithdrewthelightofhereyesfromhimpermanently。Beingamanofresource，andanythingbutpleasedinthathehadbeencalledbotholdandfat，hegaveMrs。Benttounderstandthathehad，duringherabsenceintheDoon，beenthevictimofunceasingpersecutionatthehandsofMrs。Delville，andhetoldthetalesooftenandwithsucheloquencethatheendedinbelievingit，whilehiswifemarvelledatthemannersandcustomsof’somewomen。’Whenthesituationshowedsignsoflanguishing，Mrs。WaddywasalwaysonhandtowakethesmoulderingfiresofsuspicioninMrs。Bent’sbosomandtocontributegenerallytothepeaceandcomfortofthehotel。Mr。Bent’slifewasnotahappyone，forifMrs。Waddy’sstoryweretrue，hewas，arguedhiswife，untrustworthytothelastdegree。Ifhisownstatementwastrue，hischarmsofmannerandconversationweresogreatthatheneededconstantsurveillance。
　　Andhereceivedit，tillherepentedgenuinelyofhismarriageandneglectedhispersonalappearance。Mrs。Delvillealoneinthehotelwasunchanged。Sheremovedherchairsomesixpacestowardstheheadofthetable，andoccasionallyinthetwilightventuredontimidoverturesoffriendshiptoMrs。Bent，whichwererepulsed。
　　’Shedoesitformysake，’hintedthevirtuousBent。
　　’Adangerousanddesigningwoman，’purredMrs。Waddy。
　　Worstofall，everyotherhotelinSimlawasfull！
　　’Polly，areyouafraidofdiphtheria？’
　　’Ofnothingintheworldexceptsmall-pox，Diphtheriakills，butitdoesn’tdisfigure。Whydoyouask？’
　　’BecausetheBentbabyhasgotit，andthewholehotelisupsidedowninconsequence。TheWaddyhas’’setherfiveyoungontherail"andfled。TheDancingMasterfearsforhispreciousthroat，andthatmiserablelittlewoman，hiswife，hasnonotionofwhatoughttobedone。Shewantedtoputitintoamustardbathforcroup！’
　　’Wheredidyoulearnallthis？’
　　’Justnow，ontheMall。Dr。Howlentoldme。ThemanagerofthehotelisabusingtheBents，andtheBentsareabusingthemanager。
　　Theyareafecklesscouple。’
　　’Well。What’sonyourmind？’
　　’This;andIknowit’sagravethingtoask。
　　Wouldyouseriouslyobjecttomybringingthechildoverhere，withitsmother？’
　　’OnthemoststrictunderstandingthatweseenothingoftheDancingMaster。’
　　’Hewillbeonlytoogladtostayaway。Polly，you’reanangel。Thewomanreallyisatherwits’end。’
　　’Andyouknownothingabouther，careless，andwouldholdheruptopublicscornifitgaveyouaminute’samusement。Thereforeyouriskyourlifeforthesakeofherbrat。No，Loo，I’mnottheangel。I
　　shallkeeptomyroomsandavoidher。Butdoasyoupleaseonlytellmewhyyoudoit。’
　　Mrs。Hauksbee’seyessoftened;shelookedoutofthewindowandbackintoMrs。Mallowe’sface。
　　’Idon’tknow，’saidMrs。Hauksbeesimply。
　　’Youdear！’
　　’Polly！andforaughtyouknewyoumighthavetakenmyfringeoff。
　　Neverdothatagainwithoutwarning。Nowwe’llgettheroomsready。Idon’tsupposeIshallbeallowedtocirculateinsocietyforamonth。’
　　’AndIalso。ThankgoodnessIshallatlastgetallthesleepIwant。’
　　MuchtoMrs。Bent’ssurprisesheandthebabywerebroughtovertothehousealmostbeforesheknewwhereshewas。Bentwasdevoutlyandundisguisedlythankful，forhewasafraidoftheinfection，andalsohopedthatafewweeksinthehotelalonewithMrs。Delvillemightleadtoexplanations。Mrs。Benthadthrownherjealousytothewindsinherfearforherchild’slife。
　　’Wecangiveyougoodmilk，’saidMrs。Hauksbeetoher，’andourhouseismuchnearertotheDoctor’sthanthehotel，andyouwon’tfeelasthoughyouwerelivinginahostilecamp。WhereisthedearMrs。Waddy？Sheseemedtobeaparticularfriendofyours。’
　　’They’veallleftme，’saidMrs。Bentbitterly。’Mrs。Waddywentfirst。ShesaidIoughttobeashamedofmyselfforintroducingdiseasesthere，andIamsureitwasn’tmyfaultthatlittleDora’
　　’Hownice！’cooedMrs。Hauksbee。’TheWaddyisaninfectiousdiseaseherself’’morequicklycaughtthantheplagueandthetakerrunspresentlymad。"IlivednextdoortoherattheElysium，threeyearsago。Nowsee，youwon’tgiveustheleasttrouble，andI’veornamentedallthehousewithsheetssoakedincarbolic。Itsmellscomforting，doesn’tit？RememberI’malwaysincall，andmyayah’satyourservicewhenyoursgoestohermeals，andandifyoucryI’llneverforgiveyou。’
　　DoraBentoccupiedhermother’sunprofitableattentionthroughthedayandthenight。TheDoctorcalledthriceinthetwenty-fourhours，andthehousereekedwiththesmelloftheCondy’sFluid，chlorine-water，andcarbolicacidwashes。Mrs。MallowekepttoherownroomssheconsideredthatshehadmadesufficientconcessionsinthecauseofhumanityandMrs。HauksbeewasmoreesteemedbytheDoctorasahelpinthesick-roomthanthehalf-distraughtmother。
　　’Iknownothingofillness，’saidMrs。HauksbeetotheDoctor。’Onlytellmewhattodo，andI’lldoit。’
　　’Keepthatcrazywomanfromkissingthechild，andletherhaveaslittletodowiththenursingasyoupossiblycan，’saidtheDoctor;
　　’I’dturnheroutofthesick-room，butthatIhonestlybelieveshe’ddieofanxiety。Sheislessthannogood，andIdependonyouandtheayahs，remember。’
　　Mrs。Hauksbeeacceptedtheresponsibility，thoughitpaintedolivehollowsunderhereyesandforcedhertoheroldestdresses。Mrs。
　　Bentclungtoherwithmorethanchildlikefaith。
　　’Iknowyou’llmakeDorawell，won’tyou？’shesaidatleasttwentytimesaday;andtwentytimesadayMrs。Hauksbeeansweredvaliantly，’OfcourseIwill。’
　　ButDoradidnotimprove，andtheDoctorseemedtobealwaysinthehouse。
　　’There’ssomedangerofthethingtakingabadturn，’hesaid;’I’llcomeoverbetweenthreeandfourinthemorningto-morrow。’
　　’Goodgracious！’saidMrs。Hauksbee。’Henevertoldmewhattheturnwouldbe！Myeducationhasbeenhorriblyneglected;andI
　　haveonlythisfoolishmother-womantofallbackupon。’
　　Thenightworethroughslowly，andMrs。Hauksbeedozedinachairbythefire。TherewasadanceattheViceregalLodge，andshedreamedofittillshewasawareofMrs。Bent’sanxiouseyesstaringintoherown。
　　’Wakeup！Wakeup！Dosomething！’criedMrs。Bentpiteously。
　　’Dora’schokingtodeath！Doyoumeantoletherdie？’
　　Mrs。Hauksbeejumpedtoherfeetandbentoverthebed。Thechildwasfightingforbreath，whilethemotherwrungherhandsdespairingly。
　　’Oh，whatcanIdo？Whatcanyoudo？Shewon’tstaystill！Ican’tholdher。Whydidn’ttheDoctorsaythiswascoming？’screamedMrs。Bent。’Won’tyouhelpme？She’sdying！’
　　’II’veneverseenachilddiebefore！’stammeredMrs。Hauksbeefeebly，andthenletnoneblameherweaknessafterthestrainoflongwatchingshebrokedown，andcoveredherfacewithherhands。Theayahsonthethresholdsnoredpeacefully。
　　Therewasarattleof’rickshawwheelsbelow，theclashofanopeningdoor，aheavysteponthestairs，andMrs。DelvilleenteredtofindMrs。BentscreamingfortheDoctorassheranroundtheroom。Mrs。Hauksbee，herhandstoherears，andherfaceburiedinthechintzofachair，wasquiveringwithpainateachcryfromthebed，andmurmuring，’ThankGod，Ineverboreachild！Oh！thankGod，Ineverboreachild！’
　　Mrs。Delvillelookedatthebedforaninstant，tookMrs。Bentbytheshoulders，andsaidquietly，’Getmesomecaustic。Bequick。’
　　Themotherobeyedmechanically。Mrs。Delvillehadthrownherselfdownbythesideofthechildandwasopeningitsmouth。
　　’Oh，you’rekillingher！’criedMrs。Bent。’Where’stheDoctor？
　　Leaveheralone！’
　　Mrs。Delvillemadenoreplyforaminute，butbusiedherselfwiththechild。
　　’Nowthecaustic，andholdalampbehindmyshoulder。Willyoudoasyouaretold？Theacid-bottle，ifyoudon’tknowwhatImean，’
　　shesaid。
　　AsecondtimeMrs。Delvillebentoverthechild。Mrs。Hauksbee，herfacestillhidden，sobbedandshivered。Oneoftheayahsstaggeredsleepilyintotheroom，yawning：’DoctorSahibcome。’
　　Mrs。Delvilleturnedherhead。
　　’You’reonlyjustintime，’shesaid。’Itwaschokin’herwhenIcame，an’I’veburntit。’
　　’Therewasnosignofthemembranegettingtotheair-passagesafterthelaststeaming。ItwasthegeneralweaknessIfeared，’saidtheDoctorhalftohimself，andhewhisperedashelooked，’You’vedonewhatIshouldhavebeenafraidtodowithoutconsultation。’
　　’Shewasdyin’，’saidMrs。Delville，underherbreath。’Canyoudoanythin’？WhatamercyitwasIwenttothedance！’
　　Mrs。Hauksbeeraisedherhead。
　　’Isitallover？’shegasped。’I’muselessI’mworsethanuseless！
　　Whatareyoudoinghere？’
　　ShestaredatMrs。Delville，andMrs。Bent，realisingforthefirsttimewhowastheGoddessfromtheMachine，staredalso。
　　ThenMrs。Delvillemadeexplanation，puttingonadirtylonggloveandsmoothingacrumpledandill-fittingball-dress。
　　’Iwasatthedance，an’theDoctorwastellin’meaboutyourbabybein’soill。SoIcameawayearly，an’yourdoorwasopen，an’II
　　lostmyboythiswaysixmonthsago，an’I’vebeentryin’toforgetiteversince，an’IIIamverysorryforintrudin’an’anythin’thathashappened。’
　　Mrs。BentwasputtingouttheDoctor’seyewithalampashestoopedoverDora。
　　’Takeitaway，’saidtheDoctor。’Ithinkthechildwilldo，thankstoyou，Mrs。Delville。Ishouldhavecometoolate，but，Iassureyou’
　　hewasaddressinghimselftoMrs。Delville’Ihadnotthefaintestreasontoexpectthis。Themembranemusthavegrownlikeamushroom。Willoneofyouhelpme，please？’
　　Hehadreasonforthelastsentence。Mrs。HauksbeehadthrownherselfintoMrs。Delville’sarms，whereshewasweepingbitterly，andMrs。Bentwasunpicturesquelymixedupwithboth，whilefromthetanglecamethesoundofmanysobsandmuchpromiscuouskissing。
　　’Goodgracious！I’vespoiltallyourbeautifulroses！’saidMrs。
　　Hauksbee，liftingherheadfromthelumpofcrushedgumandcalicoatrocitiesonMrs。Delville’sshoulderandhurryingtotheDoctor。
　　Mrs。Delvillepickeduphershawl，andslouchedoutoftheroom，moppinghereyeswiththeglovethatshehadnotputon。
　　’Ialwayssaidshewasmorethanawoman，’sobbedMrs。Hauksbeehysterically，’andthatprovesit！’
　　SixweekslaterMrs。BentandDorahadreturnedtothehotel。Mrs。
　　HauksbeehadcomeoutoftheValleyofHumiliation，hadceasedtoreproachherselfforhercollapseinanhourofneed，andwasevenbeginningtodirecttheaffairsoftheworldasbefore。
　　’Sonobodydied，andeverythingwentoffasitshould，andIkissedTheDowd，Polly。Ifeelsoold。Doesitshowinmyface？’
　　’Kissesdon’tasarule，dothey？OfcourseyouknowwhattheresultofTheDowd’sprovidentialarrivalhasbeen。’
　　’Theyoughttobuildherastatueonlynosculptordarecopythoseskirts。’
　　’Ah！’saidMrs。Mallowequietly。’Shehasfoundanotherreward。
　　TheDancingMasterhasbeensmirkingthroughSimla，givingeveryonetounderstandthatshecamebecauseofherundyingloveforhimforhimtosavehischild，andallSimlanaturallybelievesthis。’
　　’ButMrs。Bent’
　　’Mrs。Bentbelievesitmorethananyoneelse。Shewon’tspeaktoTheDowdnow。Isn’tTheDancingMasteranangel？’
　　Mrs。Hauksbeelifteduphervoiceandragedtillbed-time。Thedoorsofthetworoomsstoodopen。
　　’Polly，’saidavoicefromthedarkness，’whatdidthatAmerican-heiress-globe-trottergirlsaylastseasonwhenshewastippedoutofher’rickshawturningacorner？Someabsurdadjectivethatmadethemanwhopickedherupexplode。’
　　’’’Paltry，"’saidMrs。Mallowe。’Throughhernoselikethis’’Ha-owpahltry！"’
　　’Exactly，’saidthevoice。’Ha-owpahltryitallis！’
　　’Which？’
　　’Everything。Babies，Diphtheria，Mrs。BentandTheDancingMaster，Iwhoopinginachair，andTheDowddroppinginfromtheclouds。Iwonderwhatthemotivewasallthemotives。’
　　’Um！’
　　’Whatdoyouthink？’
　　’Don’taskme。Gotosleep。’
　　OnlyaSubaltern……Notonlytoenforcebycommand，buttoencouragebyexampletheenergeticdischargeofdutyandthesteadyenduranceofthedifficultiesandprivationsinseparablefromMilitaryService。
　　——BengalArmyRegulations。
　　TheymadeBobbyWickpassanexaminationatSandhurst。Hewasagentlemanbeforehewasgazetted，so，whentheEmpressannouncedthat’Gentleman-CadetRobertHannaWick’waspostedasSecondLieutenanttotheTynesideTailTwistersatKrabBokhar，hebecameanofficerandagentleman，whichisanenviablething;andtherewasjoyinthehouseofWickwhereMammaWickandallthelittleWicksfellupontheirkneesandofferedincensetoBobbybyvirtueofhisachievements。
　　PapaWickhadbeenaCommissionerinhisday，holdingauthorityoverthreemillionsofmenintheChota-BuldanaDivision，buildinggreatworksforthegoodoftheland，anddoinghisbesttomaketwobladesofgrassgrowwheretherewasbutonebefore。Ofcourse，nobodyknewanythingaboutthisinthelittleEnglishvillagewherehewasjust’oldMr。Wick，’andhadforgottenthathewasaCompanionoftheOrderoftheStarofIndia。
　　HepattedBobbyontheshoulderandsaid：’Welldone，myboy！’
　　Therefollowed，whiletheuniformwasbeingprepared，anintervalofpuredelight，duringwhichBobbytookbrevet-rankasa’man’atthewomen-swampedtennis-partiesandtea-fightsofthevillage，and，Idaresay，hadhisjoining-timebeenextended，wouldhavefalleninlovewithseveralgirlsatonce。LittlecountryvillagesatHomeareveryfullofnicegirls，becausealltheyoungmencomeouttoIndiatomaketheirfortunes。
　　’India，’saidPapaWick，’istheplace。I’vehadthirtyyearsofitand，begad，I’dliketogobackagain。WhenyoujointheTailTwistersyou’llbeamongfriends，ifeveryonehasn’tforgottenWickofChota-Buldana，andalotofpeoplewillbekindtoyouforoursakes。ThemotherwilltellyoumoreaboutoutfitthanIcan;butrememberthis。SticktoyourRegiment，BobbysticktoyourRegiment。You’llseemenallroundyougoingintotheStaffCorps，anddoingeverypossiblesortofdutybutregimental，andyoumaybetemptedtofollowsuit。Nowsolongasyoukeepwithinyourallowance，andIhaven’tstintedyouthere，sticktotheLine，thewholeLine，andnothingbuttheLine。Becarefulhowyoubackanotheryoungfool’sbill，andifyoufallinlovewithawomantwentyyearsolderthanyourself，don’ttellmeaboutit，that’sall。’
　　Withthesecounsels，andmanyothersequallyvaluable，didPapaWickfortifyBobbyerethatlastawfulnightatPortsmouthwhentheOfficers’QuartersheldmoreinmatesthanwereprovidedforbytheRegulations，andtheliberty-menoftheshipsfellfoulofthedraftsforIndia，andthebattleragedfromtheDockyardGateseventotheslumsofLongport，whilethedrabsofFrattoncamedownandscratchedthefacesoftheQueen’sOfficers。
　　BobbyWick，withanuglybruiseonhisfrecklednose，asickandshakydetachmenttomanuvreinship，andthecomfortoffiftyscornfulfemalestoattendto，hadnotimetofeelhome-sicktilltheMalabarreachedmid-Channel，whenhedoubledhisemotionswithalittleguard-visitingandagreatmanyothermatters。
　　TheTailTwisterswereamostparticularRegiment。Thosewhoknewthemleastsaidthattheywereeatenupwith’side。’Buttheirreserveandtheirinternalarrangementsgenerallyweremerelyprotectivediplomacy。Somefiveyearsbefore，theColonelcommandinghadlookedintothefourteenfearlesseyesofsevenplumpandjuicysubalternswhohadallappliedtoentertheStaffCorps，andhadaskedthemwhythethreestarsshouldhe，acoloneloftheLine，commandadashednurseryfordouble-dashedbottle-suckerswhoputoncondemnedtinspursandrodequalifiedmokesatthehiatusedheadsofforsakenBlackRegiments。Hewasarudemanandaterrible。Whereforetheremnanttookmeasures[withthehalf-buttasanengineofpublicopinion]tilltherumourwentabroadthatyoungmenwhousedtheTailTwistersasacrutchtotheStaffCorpshadmanyandvariedtrialstoendure。
　　However，aregimenthadjustasmuchrighttoitsownsecretsasawoman。
　　WhenBobbycameupfromDeolaliandtookhis’placeamongtheTailTwisters，itwasgentlybutfirmlyborneinuponhimthattheRegimentwashisfatherandhismotherandhisindissolublyweddedwife，andthattherewasnocrimeunderthecanopyofheavenblackerthanthatofbringingshameontheRegiment，whichwasthebest-shooting，best-drilled，best-set-up，bravest，mostillustrious，andinallrespectsmostdesirableRegimentwithinthecompassoftheSevenSeas。HewastaughtthelegendsoftheMessPlate，fromthegreatgrinningGoldenGodsthathadcomeoutoftheSummerPalaceinPekintothesilver-mountedmarkhor-hornsnuff-mullpresentedbythelastC。O。[hewhospaketothesevensubalterns]。Andeveryoneofthoselegendstoldhimofbattlesfoughtatlongodds，withoutfearaswithoutsupport;ofhospitalitycatholicasanArab’s;offriendshipsdeepastheseaandsteadyasthefighting-line;ofhonourwonbyhardroadsforhonour’ssake;andofinstantandunquestioningdevotiontotheRegimenttheRegimentthatclaimsthelivesofallandlivesforever。
　　Morethanonce，too，hecameofficiallyintocontactwiththeRegimentalcolours，whichlookedliketheliningofabricklayer’shatontheendofachewedstick。Bobbydidnotkneelandworshipthem，becauseBritishsubalternsarenotconstructedinthatmanner。Indeed，hecondemnedthemfortheirweightattheverymomentthattheywerefillingwithaweandothermorenoblesentiments。
　　ButbestofallwastheoccasionwhenhemovedwiththeTailTwistersinrevieworderatthebreakingofaNovemberday。
　　Allowingforduty-menandsick，theRegimentwasonethousandandeightystrong，andBobbybelongedtothem;forwashenotaSubalternoftheLinethewholeLine，andnothingbuttheLineasthetrampoftwothousandonehundredandsixtysturdyammunitionbootsattested？HewouldnothavechangedplaceswithDeightonoftheHorseBattery，whirlingbyinapillarofcloudtoachorusof’Strongright！Strongleft！’orHogan-YaleoftheWhiteHussars，leadinghissquadronforallitwasworth，withthepriceofhorseshoesthrownin;or’Tick’Boileau，tryingtoliveuptohisfierceblueandgoldturbanwhilethewaspsoftheBengalCavalrystretchedtoagallopinthewakeofthelong，lolloppingWalersoftheWhiteHussars。
　　Theyfoughtthroughtheclearcoolday，andBobbyfeltalittlethrillrundownhisspinewhenheheardthetinkle-tinkle-tinkleoftheemptycartridge-caseshoppingfromthebreech-blocksaftertheroarofthevolleys;forheknewthatheshouldlivetohearthatsoundinaction。ThereviewendedinagloriouschaseacrosstheplainbatteriesthunderingaftercavalrytothehugedisgustoftheWhiteHussars，andtheTynesideTailTwistershuntingaSikhRegiment，tilltheleanlathySinghspantedwithexhaustion。Bobbywasdustyanddrippinglongbeforenoon，buthisenthusiasmwasmerelyfocusednotdiminished。
　　HereturnedtositatthefeetofRevere，his’skipper，’thatistosay，theCaptainofhisCompany，andtobeinstructedinthedarkartandmysteryofmanagingmen，whichisaverylargepartoftheProfessionofArms。
　　’Ifyouhaven’tatastethatway，’saidReverebetweenhispuffsofhischeroot，’you’llneverbeabletogetthehangofit，butremember，Bobby，’tisn’tthebestdrill，thoughdrillisnearlyeverything，thathaulsaRegimentthroughHellandoutontheotherside。It’sthemanwhoknowshowtohandlemengoat-men，swine-men，dog-men，andsoon。’
　　’Dormer，forinstance，’saidBobby，’Ithinkhecomesundertheheadoffool-men。Hemopeslikeasickowl。’
　　’That’swhereyoumakeyourmistake，myson。Dormerisn’tafoolyet，buthe’sadasheddirtysoldier，andhisroomcorporalmakesfunofhissocksbeforekit-inspection。Dormer，beingtwo-thirdspurebrute，goesintoacornerandgrowls。’
　　’Howdoyouknow？’saidBobbyadmiringly。
　　’BecauseaCompanycommanderhastoknowthesethingsbecause，ifhedoesnotknow，hemayhavecrimeay，murderbrewingunderhisverynoseandyetnotseethatit’sthere。Dormerisbeingbadgeredoutofhismindbigasheisandhehasn’tintellectenoughtoresentit。He’stakentoquietboozing，and，Bobby，whenthebuttofaroomgoesonthedrink，ortakestomopingbyhimself，measuresarenecessarytopullhimoutofhimself。’
　　’Whatmeasures？’Mancan’trunroundcoddlinghismenforever。’
　　’No。Themenwouldprecioussoonshowhimthathewasnotwanted。You’vegotto’
　　HeretheColour-Sergeantenteredwithsomepapers;BobbyreflectedforawhileasReverelookedthroughtheCompanyforms。
　　’DoesDormerdoanything，Sergeant？’Bobbyaskedwiththeairofonecontinuinganinterruptedconversation。
　　’No，sir。Does’isdootylikeahortomato，’saidtheSergeant，whodelightedinlongwords。’Adirtysoldierand’e’sunderfullstoppagesfornewkit。It’scoveredwithscales，sir。’
　　’Scales？Whatscales？’
　　’Fish-scales，sir。’E’salwayspokin’inthemudbytheriveran’
　　a-cleanin’themmuchly-fishwith’isthumbs。’ReverewasstillabsorbedintheCompanypapers，andtheSergeant，whowassternlyfondofBobby，continued’’Egenerallygoesdowntherewhen’e’sgot’isskinful，beggin’yourpardon，sir，an’theydosaythatthemorelushin-he-briated’eis，themorefish’ecatches。Theycall’imtheLooneyFishmongerintheComp’ny，sir。’
　　ReveresignedthelastpaperandtheSergeantretreated。
　　’It’safilthyamusement，’sighedBobbytohimself。ThenaloudtoRevere：’AreyoureallyworriedaboutDormer？’
　　’Alittle。Youseehe’snevermadenoughtosendtohospital，ordrunkenoughtorunin，butatanyminutehemayflareup，broodingandsulkingashedoes。Heresentsanyinterestbeingshowninhim，andtheonlytimeItookhimoutshootingheallbutshotmebyaccident。’
　　’Ifish，’saidBobbywithawryface。’Ihireacountry-boatandgodowntheriverfromThursdaytoSunday，andtheamiableDormergoeswithmeifyoucanspareusboth。’
　　’Youblazingyoungfool！’saidRevere，buthisheartwasfullofmuchmorepleasantwords。
　　Bobby，theCaptainofadhoni，withPrivateDormerformate，droppeddowntheriveronThursdaymorningthePrivateatthebow，theSubalternatthehelm。ThePrivateglareduneasilyattheSubaltern，whorespectedthereserveofthePrivate。
　　Aftersixhours，Dormerpacedtothestern，saluted，andsaid’Begy’
　　pardon，sir，butwasyoueverontheDurh’mCanal？’
　　’No，’saidBobbyWick。’Comeandhavesometiffin。’
　　Theyateinsilence。Astheeveningfell，PrivateDormerbrokeforth，speakingtohimself’HiwasontheDurh’mCanal，jes’suchanight，comenextweektwelvemonth，a-trailin’ofmytoesinthewater。’Hesmokedandsaidnomoretillbedtime。
　　Thewitcheryofthedawnturnedthegrayriver-reachestopurple，gold，andopal;anditwasasthoughthelumberingdhonicreptacrossthesplendoursofanewheaven。
　　PrivateDormerpoppedhisheadoutofhisblanketandgazedattheglorybelowandaround。
　　’Welldamnmyeyes！’saidPrivateDormerinanawedwhisper。
　　’This’ereislikeabloomin’gallantry-show！’Fortherestofthedayhewasdumb，butachievedanensanguinedfilthinessthroughthecleaningofbigfish。
　　TheboatreturnedonSaturdayevening。Dormerhadbeenstrugglingwithspeechsincenoon。Asthelinesandluggagewerebeingdisembarked，hefoundtongue。
　　’Begy’pardon，sir，’hesaid，’butwouldyouwouldyoumin’shakin’
　　’andswithme，sir？’
　　’Ofcoursenot，’saidBobby，andheshookaccordingly。DormerreturnedtobarracksandBobbytomess。
　　’Hewantedalittlequietandsomefishing，Ithink，’saidBobby。’Myaunt，buthe’safilthysortofanimal！Haveyoueverseenhimclean’’themmuchly-fishwith’isthumbs"？’
　　’Anyhow，’saidReverethreeweekslater，’he’sdoinghisbesttokeephisthingsclean。’
　　Whenthespringdied，BobbyjoinedinthegeneralscrambleforHillleave，andtohissurpriseanddelightsecuredthreemonths。
　　’AsgoodaboyasIwant，’saidReveretheadmiringskipper。
　　’Thebestofthebatch，’saidtheAdjutanttotheColonel。’Keepbackthatyoungskrim-shankerPorkiss，sir，andletReveremakehimsitup。’
　　SoBobbydepartedjoyouslytoSimlaPaharwithatinboxofgorgeousraiment。
　　’’SonofWickoldWickofChota-Buldana？Askhimtodinner，dear，’saidtheagedmen。
　　’Whataniceboy！’saidthematronsandthemaids。
　　’First-classplace，Simla。Oh，riipping！’saidBobbyWick，andorderednewwhitecordbreechesonthestrengthofit。
　　’We’reinabadway，’wroteReveretoBobbyattheendoftwomonths。’Sinceyouleft，theRegimenthastakentofeverandisfairlyrottenwithittwohundredinhospital，aboutahundredincellsdrinkingtokeepofffeverandtheCompaniesonparadefifteenfilestrongattheoutside。There’srathermoresicknessintheout-villagesthanIcarefor，butthenI’msoblisteredwithprickly-heatthatI’mreadytohangmyself。What’stheyarnaboutyourmashingaMissHaverleyupthere？Notserious，Ihope？
　　You’reover-youngtohangmillstonesroundyourneck，andtheColonelwillturfyououtofthatindouble-quicktimeifyouattemptit。’
　　ItwasnottheColonelthatbroughtBobbyoutofSimla，butamuch-more-to-be-respectedCommandant。Thesicknessintheout-villagesspread，theBazarwasputoutofbounds，andthencamethenewsthattheTailTwistersmustgointocamp。ThemessageflashedtotheHillstations。’CholeraLeavestoppedOfficersrecalled。’Alasforthewhiteglovesintheneatly-solderedboxes，theridesandthedancesandpicnicsthatweretobe，theloveshalfspoken，andthedebtsunpaid！Withoutdemurandwithoutquestion，fastastongacouldflyorponygallop，backtotheirRegimentsandtheirBatteries，asthoughtheywerehasteningtotheirweddings，fledthesubalterns。
　　BobbyreceivedhisordersonreturningfromadanceatViceregalLodgewherehehadButonlytheHaverleygirlknowswhatBobbyhadsaid，orhowmanywaltzeshehadclaimedforthenextball。
　　SixinthemorningsawBobbyattheTongaOfficeinthedrenchingrain，thewhirlofthelastwaltzstillinhisears，andanintoxicationdueneithertowinenorwaltzinginhisbrain。
　　’Goodman！’shoutedDeightonoftheHorseBatterythroughthemist。’Wharyouraisedattonga？I’mcomingwithyou。Ow！ButI’veaheadandahalf。Ididn’tsitoutallnight。TheysaytheBattery’sawfulbad，’andhehummeddolorouslyLeavethewhatatthewhat’s-its-name，Leavetheflockwithoutshelter，Leavethecorpseuninterred，Leavethebrideatthealtar！
　　’Myfaith！It’llbemoreballycorpsethanbride，though，thisjourney。Jumpin，Bobby。Geton，Coachwan！’
　　OntheUmballaplatformwaitedadetachmentofofficersdiscussingthelatestnewsfromthestrickencantonment，anditwasherethatBobbylearnedtherealconditionoftheTailTwisters。
　　’Theywentintocamp，’saidanelderlyMajorrecalledfromthewhist-tablesatMussoorietoasicklyNativeRegiment，’theywentintocampwithtwohundredandtensickincarts。Twohundredandtenfevercasesonly，andthebalancelookinglikesomanyghostswithsoreeyes。AMadrasRegimentcouldhavewalkedthrough’em。’
　　’Buttheywereasfitasbe-damnedwhenIleftthem！’saidBobby。
　　’Thenyou’dbettermakethemasfitasbedamnedwhenyourejoin，’
　　saidtheMajorbrutally。
　　Bobbypressedhisforeheadagainsttherain-splashedwindow-paneasthetrainlumberedacrossthesoddenDoab，andprayedforthehealthoftheTynesideTailTwisters。NainiTalhadsentdownhercontingentwithallspeed;thelatheringponiesoftheDalhousieRoadstaggeredintoPathankot，taxedtothefullstretchoftheirstrength;whilefromcloudyDarjilingtheCalcuttaMailwhirledupthelaststragglerofthelittlearmythatwastofightafightinwhichwasneithermedalnorhonourforthewinning，againstanenemynoneotherthan’thesicknessthatdestroyethinthenoonday。’
　　Andaseachmanreportedhimself，hesaid：’Thisisabadbusiness，’
　　andwentabouthisownforthwith，foreveryRegimentandBatteryinthecantonmentwasundercanvas，thesicknessbearingthemcompany。
　　BobbyfoughthiswaythroughtheraintotheTailTwisters’
　　temporarymess，andReverecouldhavefallenontheboy’sneckforthejoyofseeingthatugly，wholesomephizoncemore。
　　’Keep’emamusedandinterested，’saidRevere。’Theywentonthedrink，poorfools，afterthefirsttwocases，andtherewasnoimprovement。Oh，it’sgoodtohaveyouback，Bobby！Porkissisanevermind。’
　　DeightoncameoverfromtheArtillerycamptoattendadrearymessdinner，andcontributedtothegeneralgloombynearlyweepingovertheconditionofhisbelovedBattery。Porkisssofarforgothimselfastoinsinuatethatthepresenceoftheofficerscoulddonoearthlygood，andthatthebestthingwouldbetosendtheentireRegimentintohospitaland’letthedoctorslookafterthem。’Porkisswasdemoralisedwithfear，norwashispeaceofmindrestoredwhenReveresaidcoldly：’Oh！Thesooneryougooutthebetter，ifthat’syourwayofthinking。Anypublicschoolcouldsendusfiftygoodmeninyourplace，butittakestime，time，Porkiss，andmoney，andacertainamountoftrouble，tomakeaRegiment。’S’poseyou’rethepersonwegointocampfor，eh？’
　　WhereuponPorkisswasovertakenwithagreatandchillyfearwhichadrenchingintheraindidnotallay，and，twodayslater，quittedthisworldforanotherwhere，mendofondlyhope，allowancesaremadefortheweaknessesoftheflesh。TheRegimentalSergeant-MajorlookedwearilyacrosstheSergeants’
　　Messtentwhenthenewswasannounced。
　　’Theregoestheworstofthem，’hesaid。’It’lltakethebest，andthen，pleaseGod，it’llstop。’TheSergeantsweresilenttillonesaid：’Itcouldn’tbehim！’andallknewofwhomTraviswasthinking。
　　BobbyWickstormedthroughthetentsofhisCompany，rallying，rebuking，mildly，asisconsistentwiththeRegulations，chaffingthefaint-hearted;halingthesoundintothewaterysunlightwhentherewasabreakintheweather，andbiddingthembeofgoodcheerfortheirtroublewasnearlyatanend;scuttlingonhisdunponyroundtheoutskirtsofthecamp，andheadingbackmenwho，withtheinnateperversityofBritishsoldiers，werealwayswanderingintoinfectedvillages，ordrinkingdeeplyfromrain-floodedmarshes;comfortingthepanic-strickenwithrudespeech，andmorethanoncetendingthedyingwhohadnofriendsthemenwithout’townies’;organising，withbanjosandburntcork，Sing-songswhichshouldallowthetalentoftheRegimentfullplay;andgenerally，asheexplained，’playingthegiddygarden-goatallround。’
　　’You’reworthhalf-a-dozenofus，Bobby，’saidRevereinamomentofenthusiasm。’Howthedevildoyoukeepitup？’
　　Bobbymadenoanswer，buthadReverelookedintothebreast-pocketofhiscoathemighthaveseenthereasheafofbadly-writtenletterswhichperhapsaccountedforthepowerthatpossessedtheboy。AlettercametoBobbyeveryotherday。Thespellingwasnotabovereproach，butthesentimentsmusthavebeenmostsatisfactory，foronreceiptBobby’seyessoftenedmarvellously，andhewaswonttofallintoatenderabstractionforawhileere，shakinghiscroppedhead，hechargedintohiswork。
　　Bywhatpowerhedrewafterhimtheheartsoftheroughest，andtheTailTwisterscountedintheirrankssomeroughdiamondsindeed，wasamysterytobothskipperandC。O。，wholearnedfromtheregimentalchaplainthatBobbywasconsiderablymoreinrequestinthehospitaltentsthantheReverendJohnEmery。
　　’Themenseemfondofyou。Areyouinthehospitalsmuch？’saidtheColonel，whodidhisdailyroundandorderedthementogetwellwithahardnessthatdidnotcoverhisbittergrief。
　　’Alittle，sir，’saidBobby。
　　’’Shouldn’tgotheretoooftenifIwereyou。Theysayit’snotcontagious，butthere’snouseinrunningunnecessaryrisks。Wecan’taffordtohaveyoudown，y’know。’
　　Sixdayslater，itwaswiththeutmostdifficultythatthepost-runnerplashedhiswayouttothecampwiththemail-bags，fortherainwasfallingintorrents。Bobbyreceivedaletter，boreitofftohistent，and，theprogrammeforthenextweek’sSing-songbeingsatisfactorilydisposedof，satdowntoanswerit。Foranhourtheunhandypentoiledoverthepaper，andwheresentimentrosetomorethannormaltide-level，BobbyWickstuckouthistongueandbreathedheavily。Hewasnotusedtoletter-writing。
　　’Begy’pardon，sir，’saidavoiceatthetentdoor;’butDormer’s’orridbad，sir，an’they’vetakenhimorf，sir。’
　　’DamnPrivateDormerandyoutoo！’saidBobbyWick，runningtheblotteroverthehalf-finishedletter。’TellhimI’llcomeinthemorning。’
　　’’E’sawfulbad，sir，’saidthevoicehesitatingly。Therewasanundecidedsquelchingofheavyboots。
　　’Well？’saidBobbyimpatiently。
　　’Excusin’’imselfbefore’andfortakin’theliberty，’esaysitwouldbeacomfortfortoassist’im，sir，if’
　　’Tattoolao！Getmypony！Here，comeinoutoftheraintillI’mready。Whatblastednuisancesyouare！That’sbrandy。Drinksome;
　　youwantit。HangontomystirrupandtellmeifIgotoofast。’
　　Strengthenedbyafour-finger’nip’whichheswallowedwithoutawink，theHospitalOrderlykeptupwiththeslipping，mud-stained，andverydisgustedponyasitshambledtothehospitaltent。
　　PrivateDormerwascertainly’’orridbad。’Hehadallbutreachedthestageofcollapseandwasnotpleasanttolookupon。
　　’What’sthis，Dormer？’saidBobby，bendingovertheman。’You’renotgoingoutthistime。You’vegottocomefishingwithmeonceortwicemoreyet。’
　　Thebluelipspartedandintheghostofawhispersaid，’Begy’
　　pardon，sir，disturbin’ofyounow，butwouldyoumin"oldin’my’
　　and，sir？’
　　Bobbysatonthesideofthebed，andtheicycoldhandclosedonhisownlikeavice，forcingalady’sringwhichwasonthelittlefingerdeepintotheflesh。Bobbysethislipsandwaited，thewaterdrippingfromthehemofhistrousers。Anhourpassedandthegraspofthehanddidnotrelax，nordidtheexpressionofthedrawnfacechange。Bobbywithinfinitecraftlithimselfacherootwiththelefthand，hisrightarmwasnumbedtotheelbow，andresignedhimselftoanightofpain。
　　Dawnshowedaverywhite-facedSubalternsittingonthesideofasickman’scot，andaDoctorinthedoorwayusinglanguageunfitforpublication。
　　’Haveyoubeenhereallnight，youyoungass？’saidtheDoctor。
　　’Thereorthereabouts，’saidBobbyruefully。’He’sfrozenontome。’
　　Dormer’smouthshutwithaclick。Heturnedhisheadandsighed。
　　Theclinginghandopened，andBobby’sarmfelluselessathisside。
　　’He’lldo，’saidtheDoctorquietly。’Itmusthavebeenatoss-upallthroughthenight。’Thinkyou’retobecongratulatedonthiscase。’
　　’Oh，bosh！’saidBobby。’IthoughtthemanhadgoneoutlongagoonlyonlyIdidn’tcaretotakemyhandaway。Rubmyarmdown，there’sagoodchap。Whatagripthebrutehas！I’mchilledtothemarrow！’Hepassedoutofthetentshivering。
　　PrivateDormerwasallowedtocelebratehisrepulseofDeathbystrongwaters。Fourdayslaterhesatonthesideofhiscotandsaidtothepatientsmildly：’I’d’a’likento’a’spokento’imsoIshould。’
　　ButatthattimeBobbywasreadingyetanotherletterhehadthemostpersistentcorrespondentofanymanincampandwaseventhenabouttowritethatthesicknesshadabated，andinanotherweekattheoutsidewouldbegone。Hedidnotintendtosaythatthechillofasickman’shandseemedtohavestruckintotheheartwhosecapacitiesforaffectionhedweltonatsuchlength。HedidintendtoenclosetheillustratedprogrammeoftheforthcomingSing-songwhereofhewasnotalittleproud。Healsointendedtowriteonmanyothermatterswhichdonotconcernus，anddoubtlesswouldhavedonesobutfortheslightfeverishheadachewhichmadehimdullandunresponsiveatmess。
　　’Youareoverdoingit，Bobby，’saidhisskipper。’’Mightgivetherestofuscreditofdoingalittlework。YougoonasifyouwerethewholeMessrolledintoone。Takeiteasy。’
　　’Iwill，’saidBobby。’I’mfeelingdoneup。somehow。’Reverelookedathimanxiouslyandsaidnothing。
　　Therewasaflickeringoflanternsaboutthecampthatnight，andarumourthatbroughtmenoutoftheircotstothetentdoors，apaddlingofthenakedfeetofdoolie-bearersandtherushofagallopinghorse。
　　’Wot’sup？’askedtwentytents;andthroughtwentytentsrantheanswer’Wick，’e’sdown。’
　　TheybroughtthenewstoRevereandhegroaned。’AnyonebutBobbyandIshouldn’thavecared！TheSergeant-Majorwasright。’
　　’Notgoingoutthisjourney，’gaspedBobby，ashewasliftedfromthedoolie。’Notgoingoutthisjourney。’Thenwithanairofsupremeconviction’Ican’t，yousee。’
　　’NotifIcandoanything！’saidtheSurgeon-Major，whohadhastenedoverfromthemesswherehehadbeendining。
　　HeandtheRegimentalSurgeonfoughttogetherwithDeathforthelifeofBobbyWick。Theirworkwasinterruptedbyahairyapparitioninabluegraydressing-gownwhostaredinhorroratthebedandcried’Oh，myGawd！Itcan’tbe’im！’untilanindignantHospitalOrderlywhiskedhimaway。
　　Ifcareofmananddesiretolivecouldhavedoneaught，Bobbywouldhavebeensaved。Asitwas，hemadeafightofthreedays，andtheSurgeon-Major’sbrowuncreased。’We’llsavehimyet，’hesaid;andtheSurgeon，who，thoughherankedwiththeCaptain，hadaveryyouthfulheart，wentoutuponthewordandprancedjoyouslyinthemud。
　　’Notgoingoutthisjourney，’whisperedBobbyWickgallantly，attheendofthethirdday。
　　’Bravo！’saidtheSurgeon-Major。’That’sthewaytolookatit，Bobby。’
　　AseveningfellagrayshadegatheredroundBobby’smouth，andheturnedhisfacetothetentwallwearily。TheSurgeon-Majorfrowned。
　　’I’mawfullytired，’saidBobby，veryfaintly。’What’stheuseofbotheringmewithmedicine？Idon’twantit。Letmealone。’
　　Thedesireforlifehaddeparted，andBobbywascontenttodriftawayontheeasytideofDeath。
　　’It’snogood，’saidtheSurgeon-Major。’Hedoesn’twanttolive。He’smeetingit，poorchild。’Andheblewhisnose。
　　HalfamileawaytheregimentalbandwasplayingtheoverturetotheSing-song，forthemenhadbeentoldthatBobbywasoutofdanger。TheclashofthebrassandthewailofthehornsreachedBobby’sears。
　　Isthereasinglejoyorpain，ThatIshouldneverknoow？
　　Youdonotloveme，’tisinvain，Bidmegood-byeandgo！
　　Anexpressionofhopelessirritationcrossedtheboy’sface，andhetriedtoshakehishead。
　　TheSurgeon-Majorbentdown’Whatisit，Bobby？’’Notthatwaltz，’
　　mutteredBobby。’That’sourownourveryownestown。Mummydear。’
　　Withthishesankintothestuporthatgaveplacetodeathearlynextmorning。
　　Revere，hiseyesredattherimsandhisnoseverywhite，wentintoBobby’stenttowritealettertoPapaWickwhichshouldbowthewhiteheadoftheex-CommissionerofChota-Buldanainthekeenestsorrowofhislife。Bobby’slittlestoreofpaperslayinconfusiononthetable，andamongthemahalf-finishedletter。Thelastsentenceran：’Soyousee，darling，thereisreallynofear，becauseaslongasIknowyoucareformeandIcareforyou，nothingcantouchme。’
　　Reverestayedinthetentforanhour。Whenhecameouthiseyeswereredderthanever。
　　PrivateConklinsatonaturned-downbucket，andlistenedtoanotunfamiliartune。PrivateConklinwasaconvalescentandshouldhavebeentenderlytreated。
　　’Ho！’saidPrivateConklin。’There’sanotherbloomin’orf’cerdaed。’
　　Thebucketshotfromunderhim，andhiseyesfilledwithasmithyfulofsparks。Atallmaninablue-graybedgownwasregardinghimwithdeepdisfavour。
　　’Yououghttotakeshameforyourself，Conky！Orf’cer？Bloomin’
　　orf’cer？I’lllearnyoutomisnamethelikesof’im。Hangel！Bloomin’
　　Hangel！That’swot’eis！’
　　AndtheHospitalOrderlywassosatisfiedwiththejusticeofthepunishmentthathedidnotevenorderPrivateDormerbacktohiscot。
　　IntheMatterofaPrivateHurrah！hurrah！asoldier’slifeforme！Shout，boys，shout！foritmakesyoujollyandfree。
　　——TheRamrodCorps。
　　PEOPLEwhohaveseen，saythatoneofthequaintestspectaclesofhumanfrailtyisanoutbreakofhystericsinagirls’school。Itstartswithoutwarning，generallyonahotafternoonamongtheelderpupils。Agirlgigglestillthegigglegetsbeyondcontrol。
　　Thenshethrowsupherhead，andcries，"Honk，honk，honk，"likeawildgoose，andtearsmixwiththelaughter。Ifthen，istres。bewiseshewillrapoutsomethingsevercatthispointOcheckmatters。Ifshebetender-hearted，andsendforadrinkofwater，thechancesarelargelyinfavorofanothergirllaughingattheafflictedoneandherselfcollapsing。ThusLhetroublespreads，andmayendinhalfofwhatanswerstotheLowerSixthofaboys’schoolrockingandwhoopingtogether。Givenaweekofwarmweather，twostatelypromenadesperdiem，aheavymuttonandricemealinthemiddleoftheday，acertainamountofnaggingfromtheteachers，andafewotherthings，someamazingeffectsdevelop。Atleastthisiswhatfolksaywhohavehadexperience。
　　Now，theMotherSuperiorofaConventandtheColonelofaBritishInfantryRegimentwouldbejustlyshockedatanycomparisonbeingmadebetweentheirrespectivecharges。Butitisafactthat，undercertaincircumstances，Thomasinbulkcanbeworkedupintoditthering，ripplinghysteria。Hedoesnotweep，butheshowshistroubleunmistakably，andtheconsequencesgetintothenewspapers，andallthegoodpeoplewhohardlyknowaMartinifromaSnidersay："Takeawaythebrute’sammunition！"
　　Thomasisn’tabrute，andhisbusiness，whichistolookafterthevirtuouspeople，nemandsthatheshallhavehisam-munitiontohishand。Hedoesn’twearsilkstockings，andhereallyoughttohesuppliedwithanewAdjectivetohelphimtoexpresshisopinions;
　　but，forallthat，heisagreatman。Ifyoucallhim"theheroicdefenderofthenationalhonor"oneday，and"abrutalandlicentioussoldiery"thenext，younaturallybewilderhim，andhelooksuponyouwithsuspicion。ThereisnobodytospeakforThomasexceptpeoplewhohavetheoriestoworkoffonhim;andnobodyunderstandsThomasexceptThomas，andhedoesnotalwaysknowwhatisthematterwithhimself。
　　Thatistheprologue。Thisisthestory：
　　CorporalSlanewasengagedtobemarriedtoMissJhansiM’Kenna，whosehistoryiswellknownintheregimentandelsewhere。HehadhisColonel’spermission，and，beingpopularwiththemen，everyarrangementhadbeenmadetogivetheweddingwhatPrivateOrtheriscalled"eeklar。"Itfellintheheartofthehotweather，and，afterthewedding，SlanewasgoinguptotheHillswiththeBride。Nonetheless，Slane’sgrievancewasthattheaffairwouldheonlyahired-carriagewedding，andhefeltthatthe"eeklar"ofthatwasmeagre。MissM’Kennadidnotcaresomuch。TheSergeant’swifewashelpinghertomakeherwedding-dress，andshewasverybusy。Slanewas，justthen，theonlymoderatelycontentedmaninbarracks。Alltherestweremoreorlessmiserable。
　　Andtheyhadsomuchtomakethemhappy，too。Alltheirworkwasoverateightinthemorning，andfortherestofthedaytheycouldlieontheirbacksandsmokeCanteen-plugandswearatthepunkab-coolies。Theyenjoyedafine，fullfleshmealinthemiddleoftheday，andthenthrewthemselvesdownontheircotsandsweatedandslepttillitwascoolenoughtogooutwiththeir"towny，"whosevocabularycontainedlessthansixhundredwords，andtheAdjective，andwhoseviewsoneveryconceivablequestiontheyhadheardmanytimesbefore。
　　TherewastheCanteen，ofcourse，andtherewastheTemperanceRoomwiththesecond-handpapersinit;butamanofanyprofessioncannotreadforeighthoursadayinatemperatureof96
　　degreesor98degreesintheshade，runningupsometimesto103
　　degreesatmidnight。Veryfewmen，eventhoughtheygetapannikinofflat，stale，muddybeerandhideitundertheircots，cancontinuedrinkmgforsixhoursaday。Onemantried，buthedied，andnearlythewholeregimentwenttohisfuneralbecauseitgavethemsomethingtodo。Itwastooearlyfortheexcitementoffeverorcholera。Themencouldonlywaitandwaitandwait，andwatchtheshadowofthebarrackcreepingacrosstheblindingwhitedust。
　　Thatwasagaylife。
　　Theyloungedaboutcantonments-itwastoohotforanysortofgame，andalmosttoohotforvice-andfuddledthemselvesintheevening，andfilledthemselvestodistensionwiththehealthynitrogenousfoodprovidedforthem，andthemoretheystokedthelessexercisetheytookandmoreexplosivetheygrew。Thentempersbegantowearaway，andmenfella-broodingoverinsultsrealorimaginary，fortheyhadnothingelsetothinkof。Thetoneofthereparteeschanged，andinsteadofsayinglight-heartedly："I’llknockyoursillyfacein，"mengrewlaboriouslyp0liteandhintedthatthecantonmentswerenotbigenoughforthemselvesandtheirenemy，andthattherewouldhemorespaceforoneofthetwoinanotherplace。
　　ItmayhavebeentheDevilwhoarrangedthething，butthefactofthecaseisthatLossonhadforalongtimebeenworryingSimmonsinanaimlessway。Itgavehimoccupation。Thetwohadtheircotssidebyside，andwouldsometimesspendalongafternoonswearingateachother;butSimmonswasafraidofLossonanddarednotchallengehimtoafight。Hethoughtoverthewordsinthehotstillnights，andhalfthehatehefelttowardLossonbeventedonthewretchedpunkahcoolie。
　　Lossonboughtaparrotinthebazar，andputitintoalittlecage，andloweredthecageintothecooldarknessofawell，andsatonthewell-curb，shoutingbadlanguagedowntotheparrot。Hetaughtittosay："Simmons，yeso-oor，"whichmeansswine，andseveralotherthingsentirelyunfitforpublication。Hewasabiggrossman，andheshooklikeajellywhentheparrothadthesentencecorrectly。Simmons，however，shookwithrage，foralltheroomwerelaughingathim——theparrotwassuchadisreputablepuffofgreenfeathersanditlookedsohumanwhenitchattered。Lossonusedtosit，swinginghisfatlegs，onthesideofthecot，andasktheparrotwhatitthoughtofSimmons。Theparrotwouldanswer：
　　"Simmons，yeso-oor。""Goodboy，"Lossonusedtosay，scratchingtheparrot’shead;"ye’earthat，Sim？"AndSimmonsusedtoturnoveronhisstomachandmakeanswer："I’ear。Take’eedyoudon’t’earsomethingoneofthesedays。"
　　Intherestlessnights，afterhehadbeenasleepallday，fitsofblindragecameuponSimmonrandheldhimtillhetrembledallover，whilehethoughtinhowmanydifferentwayshewouldslayLosson。Sometimeshewouldpicturehimselftramplingthelifeoutoftheman，withheavyammunition-boots，andatotherssmashinginhisfacewiththebutt，andatothersjumpingonhisshouldersanddraggingtheheadbacktilltheneckbonecracked。
　　Thenhismouthwouldfeelhotandfevered，andhewouldreachoutforanothersupofthebeerinthepannikin。
　　ButthefancythatcametohimmostfrequentlyandstayedwithhimlongestwasoneconnectedwiththegreatrolloffatunderLosson’srightear。Henoticeditfirstonamoonlightnight，andthereafteritwasalwaysbeforehiseyes。Itwasafascinatingrolloffat。Amancouldgethishanduponitandtearawayonesideoftheneck;orhecouldplacethemuzzleofarifleonitandblowawayalltheheadinaflash。Lossonhadnorighttobesleekandcontentedandwell-to-do，whenhe，Simmons，wasthebuttoftheroom，Someday，perhaps，hewouldshowthosewholaughedatthe"Simmons，yeso-oor"joke，thathewasasgoodastherest，andheldaman’slifeinthecrookofhisforefinger。WhenLossonsnored，Simmonshatedhimmorebitterlythanever。WhyshouldLossonbeabletosleepwhenSimmonshadtostayawakehourafterhour，tossingandturningonthetapes，withthedullliverpaingnawingintohisrightsideandhisheadthrobbingandachingafterCanteen？Hethoughtoverthisformanynights，andtheworldbecameunprofitabletohim。Heevenbluntedhisnaturallyfineappetitewithbeerandtobacco;andallthewhiletheparrottalkedatandmadeamockofhim。
　　Theheatcontinuedandthetempersworeawaymorequicklythanbefore。ASergeant’swifediedofheat——apoplexyinthenight，andtherumorranabroadthatitwascholera。Menrejoicedopenly，hopingthatitwouldspreadandsendthemintocamp。Butthatwasafalsealarm。
　　ItwaslateonaTuesdayevening，andthemenwerewaitinginthedeepdoubleverandasfor"LastPosts，"whenSimmonswenttotheboxatthefootofhisbed，tookauthispipe，andslammedtheliddownwithabangthatechoedthroughthedesertedbarracklikethecrackofarifle。Ordinarilyspeaking，themenwouldhavetakennonotice;buttheirnerveswerefrettedtofiddle-strings。Theyjumpedup，andthreeorfourclatteredintothebarrack-roomonlytofindSimmonskneelingbyhisbox。
　　"OwlIt’syou，isit？"theysaidandlaughedfoolishly。"Wethought’twas"——
　　Simmonsroseslowly。Iftheaccidenthadsoshakenhisfellows，whatwouldnottherealitydo？
　　"Youthoughtitwas——didyou？Andwhatmakesyouthink？"hesaid，iashmghimselfintomadnessashewenton;"toHellwithyourthinking，yedirtyspies。"
　　"Simmons，yeso-oor，"chuckledtheparrotintheveranda，sleepily，recognizingawell-knownvoice。Nowthatwasabsolutelyall。
　　Thetensionsnapped。Simmonsfellbackonthearm-rackdeliberately，——themenwereatthefarendoftheroom，——andtookouthisrifleandpacketofammunition。"Don’tgoplayingthegoat，Sim！"saidLosson。"Putitdown，"buttherewasaquaverinhisvoice。Anothermanstooped，slippedhisbootandhurleditatSimmon’shead。Thepromptanswerwasashotwhich，firedatrandom，founditsbilletinLosson’sthroat。Lossonfellforwardwithoutaword，andtheothersscattered。
　　"Youthoughtitwas！"yelledSimmons。"You’redrivin’metoit！I
　　tellyouyou’redrivin’metoit！Getup，Losson，an’don’tlieshammin’there-youan’yourblastedparritthatdruvmetoit！"
　　ButtherewasanunaffectedrealityaboutLosson’sposethatshowedSimmonswhathehaddone。Themenwerestillclamoringntheveranda。Simmonsappropriatedtwomorepacketsofammunitionandranintothemoonlight，muttering："I’llmakeanightofit。Thirtyroun’s，an’thelastformyself。Takeyouthat，youdogs！"
　　Hedroppedononekneeandfiredintothebrownofthemenontheveranda，butthebulletflewhigh，andlandedinthebrickworkwithaviciousphantthatmadesomeoftheyoungeronesturnpale。
　　Itis，asmusketrytheoristsobserve，onethingtofireandanothertobefiredat。
　　Thentheinstinctofthechaseflaredup。Thenewsspreadfrombarracktobarrack，andthemendoubledoutintentonthecaptureofSimmons，thewildbeast，whowasheadingfortheCavalryparade-ground，stoppingnowandagaintosendbackashotandaLurseinthedirectionofhispursuers。
　　"I’lllearnyoutospyonme！"heshouted;"I’lllearnyoutogivemedorg’snames！Comeonthe’olelotO’you！ColonelJohnAnthonyDeever，C。B。！"-heturnedtowardtheInfantryMessandshookhisrifle-"youthinkyourselfthedevilofaman-butItell’jouthatifyouPutyouruglyoldcarcassoutsideO’thatdoor，I’llmakeyouthepoorest-lookin’maninthearmy。Comeout，ColonelJohnAnthonyDeever，C。B。！Comeoutandseemepractissontherainge。I’mthecrackshotofthe’olebloomin’battalion。"InproofofwhichstatementSimmonsfiredatthelightedwindowsofthemess-house。
　　"PrivateSimmons，EComp’ny，ontheCavalryp’rade-ground，Sir，withthirtyrounds，"saidaSergeantbreathlesslytotheColonel。
　　"Shootin’rightandlef’，Sir。ShotPrivateLossonWhat’stobedone，Sir？"
　　ColonelJohnAnthonyDeever，C。B。，salliedout，onlytobesalutedbysspurtofdustathisfeet。
　　"Pullup！"saidtheSecondinCommand;"Idon’twantmystepinthatway，Colonel。He’sasdangerousasamaddog。"
　　"Shoothimlikeone，then，"saidtheColonel，bitterly，"ifhewon’ttakehischance，Myregiment，too！IfithadbeentheTowheadsI
　　couldhaveunderstood。"
　　PrivateSimmonshadoccupiedastrongpositionnearawellontheedgeoftheparade-ground，andwasdefyingtheregimenttocomeon。Theregimentwasnotanxioustocomply，forthereissmallhonorinbeingshotbyafellow-private。OnlyCorporalSlane，rifleinband，threwhimselfdownontheground，andwormedhiswaytowardthewell。
　　"Don’tshoot，"saidhetothemenroundhim;"likeasnotyou’llhitme。I’llcatchthebeggar，livin’。"
　　Simmonsceasedshoutingforawhile，andthenoiseoftrap-wheelscouldbeheardacrosstheplain。MajorOldyneCommandingtheHorseBattery，wascomingbackfromadinnerintheCivilLines;
　　wasdrivingafterhisusualcustom——thatistosay，asfastasthehorsecouldgo。
　　"Aorf’cer！Abloomingspangledorf’cer，"shriekedSimmons;"I’llmakeascarecrowofthatorf’cer！"Thetrapstopped。
　　"What’sthis？"demandedtheMajorofGunners。"Youthere，dropyourrifle。"
　　"Why，it’sJerryBlazes！Iain’tgotnoquarrelwithyou，JerryBlazes。Passfrien’，an’all’swell！"
　　ButJerryBlazeshadnotthefaintestintentionofpassingadangerousmurderer。Hewas，ashisadoringBatterysworelongandfervently，withoutknowledgeoffear，andtheyweresurelythebestjudges，forJerryBlazes，itwasnotorious，haddonehispossibletokillamaneachtimetheBatterywentout。
　　HewalkedtowardSimmons，withtheintentionofrushinghim，andknockinghimdown。
　　"Don’tmakemedoit，Sir，"saidSimmons;"Iain’tgotnothingaginyou。Ah！youwould？"——theMajorbrokeintoarun——"Takethatthen！"
　　TheMajordroppedwithabulletthroughhisshoulder，andSimmonsstoodoverhim。HehadlostthesatisfactionofkillingLossoninthedesiredway：hutherewasahelplessbodytohishand。Shouldbeslipinanothercartridge，andblowoffthehead，orwiththebuttsmashinthewhiteface？Hestoppedtoconsider，andacrywentupfromthefarsideoftheparade-ground："He’skilledJerryBlazes！"Butintheshelterofthewell-pillarsSimmonswassafeexceptwhenhesteppedouttofire。"I’llblowyer’andsome’eadoff，JerryBlazes，"saidSimmons，reflectively。"Sixan’threeisnineanoneisten，an’thatleavesmeanothernineteen，an’oneformyself。"Hetuggedatthestringofthesecondpacketofammunition。CorporalSlanecrawledoutoftheshadowofabankintothemoonlight。
　　"Iseeyou！"saidSimmons。"Comeabitfurderonan’I’lldoforyou。"
　　"I’mcomm’，"saidCorporalSlane，briefly;"you’vedoneabadday’swork，Sim。Comeout’erean’comebackwithme。"
　　"Cometo，"-laugbedSimmons，sendingacartridgehomewithhisthumb。"NotbeforeI’vesettledyouan’JerryBlazes。"
　　TheCorporalwaslyingatfulllengthinthedustoftheparade-ground，arifleunderhim。Someoftheless-cautiousmeninthedistanceshouted："Shoot’im！Shoot’im，Slane！"
　　"Youmove’andorfoot，Slane，"saidSimmons，"an’I’llkickJerryBlazes’’eadin，andshootyouafter。"