"Oneoftheotherships?"
"Weshouldbetherenow,oratanyratetomorrow。"
"WellthenI’mgladitisn’toneoftheothers"——andIsmiledattheyoungladyonmyarm。Mywordsofferedherachancetosaysomethingappreciative,andgavehimoneevenmore;butneitherJaspernorGraceMavistookadvantageoftheoccasion。Whattheydiddo,I
noticed,wastolookateachotherratherfixedlyaninstant;afterwhichsheturnedhereyessilentlytothesea。Shemadenomovementandutterednosound,contrivingtogivemethesensethatshehadallatoncebecomeperfectlypassive,thatshesomehowdeclinedresponsibility。WeremainedstandingtherewithJasperinfrontofus,andifthecontactofherarmdidn’tsuggestIshouldgiveherup,neitherdiditintimatethatwehadbetterpasson。Ihadnoideaofgivingherup,albeitoneofthethingsIseemedtoreadjustthenintoJasper’scountenancewasafineimplicationthatshewashisproperty。Hiseyesmetmineforamoment,anditwasexactlyasifhehadsaidtome"Iknowwhatyouthink,butIdon’tcarearap。"
WhatIreallythoughtwasthathewasselfishbeyondthelimits:
thatwasthesubstanceofmylittlerevelation。Youthisalmostalwaysselfish,justasitisalmostalwaysconceited,and,afterall,whenit’scombinedwithhealthandgoodparts,goodlooksandgoodspirits,ithasarighttobe,andIeasilyforgiveitifitbereallyyouth。Stillit’saquestionofdegree,andwhatstuckoutofJasperNettlepoint——if,ofcourse,onehadtheintelligenceforit——
wasthathisegotismhadahardness,hisloveofhisownwayanavidity。Theseelementswerejauntyandprosperous,theywereaccustomedtoprevail。Hewasfond,veryfond,ofwomen;theywerenecessarytohim——thatwasinhistype;buthewasn’tintheleastinlovewithGraceMavis。AmongthereflexionsIquicklymadethiswastheonethatwasmosttothepoint。Therewasadegreeofawkwardness,afteraminute,inthewaywewereplantedthere,thoughtheapprehensionofitwasdoubtlessnotintheleastwithhimself。
Todissimulatemyownshareinit,atanyrate,Iaskedhimhowhismothermightbe。
Hisanswerwasunexpected。"Youhadbettergodownandsee。"
"NottillMissMavisistiredofme。"
ShesaidnothingtothisandImadeherwalkagain。Forsomeminutesshefailedtospeak;then,ratherabruptly,shebegan:"I’veseenyoutalkingtothatladywhositsatourtable——theonewhohassomanychildren。"
"Mrs。Peck?Ohyes,onehasinevitablytalkedwithMrs。Peck。"
"Doyouknowherverywell?"
"Onlyasoneknowspeopleatsea。Anacquaintancemakesitself。Itdoesn’tmeanverymuch。"
"Shedoesn’tspeaktome——shemightifshewanted。"
"That’sjustwhatshesaysofyou——thatyoumightspeaktoher。"
"Ohifshe’swaitingforthat!"saidmycompanionwithalaugh。Thensheadded:"Shelivesinourstreet,nearlyopposite。"
"Precisely。That’sthereasonwhyshethinksyoucoyorhaughty。
Shehasseenyousooftenandseemstoknowsomuchaboutyou。"
"Whatdoessheknowaboutme?"
"Ahyoumustaskher——Ican’ttellyou!"
"Idon’tcarewhatsheknows,"saidmyyounglady。Afteramomentshewenton:"ShemusthaveseenIain’tverysociable。"Andthen,"Whatareyoulaughingat?"sheasked。
"Well"——myamusementwasdifficulttoexplain——"you’renotverysociable,andyetsomehowyouare。Mrs。Peckis,atanyrate,andthoughtthatoughttomakeiteasyforyoutoenterintoconversationwithher。"
"OhIdon’tcareforherconversation——Iknowwhatitamountsto。"I
madenoreply——Iscarcelyknewwhatreplytomake——andthegirlwenton:"IknowwhatshethinksandIknowwhatshesays。"StillIwassilent,butthenextmomentIsawmydiscretionhadbeenwasted,forMissMavisputtomestraight:"DoesshemakeoutthatsheknowsMr。
Porterfield?"
"No,sheonlyclaimssheknowsaladywhoknowshim。"
"Yes,that’sit——Mrs。Jeremie。Mrs。Jeremie’sanidiot!"Iwasn’tinapositiontocontrovertthis,andpresentlymyyoungladysaidshewouldsitdown。Ileftherinherchair——Isawthatshepreferredit——andwanderedtoadistance。AfewminuteslaterImetJasperagain,andhestoppedofhisownaccordtosay:"Weshallbeinaboutsixintheeveningofoureleventhday——theypromiseit。"
"Ifnothinghappens,ofcourse。"
"Well,what’sgoingtohappen?"
"That’sjustwhatI’mwondering!"AndIturnedawayandwentbelowwiththefoolishbutinnocentsatisfactionofthinkingIhadmystifiedhim。
CHAPTERIV
"Idon’tknowwhattodo,andyoumusthelpme,"Mrs。Nettlepointsaidtome,thatevening,assoonasIlookedin。
"I’lldowhatIcan——butwhat’sthematter?"
"Shehasbeencryinghereandgoingon——shehasquiteupsetme。"
"Crying?Shedoesn’tlooklikethat。"
"Exactly,andthat’swhatstartledme。Shecameintoseemethisafternoon,asshehasdonebefore,andwetalkedoftheweatherandtherunoftheshipandthemannersofthestewardessandothersuchtrifles,andthensuddenly,inthemidstofit,asshesatthere,onnovisiblepretext,sheburstintotears。Iaskedherwhatailedherandtriedtocomforther,butshedidn’texplain;shesaiditwasnothing,theeffectofthesea,ofthemonotony,oftheexcitement,ofleavinghome。Iaskedherifithadanythingtodowithherprospects,withhermarriage;whethershefindsasthisdrawsnearthatherheartisn’tinit。Itoldhershemustn’tbenervous,thatIcouldenterintothat——inshortIsaidwhatIcould。AllsherepliedwasthatsheISnervous,verynervous,butthatitwasalreadyover;andthenshejumpedupandkissedmeandwentaway。
Doesshelookasifshehasbeencrying?"Mrs。Nettlepointwoundup。
"HowcanItell,whensheneverquitsthathorridveil?It’sasifshewereashamedtoshowherface。"
"She’skeepingitforLiverpool。ButIdon’tlikesuchincidents,"
saidMrs。Nettlepoint。"IthinkIoughttogoabove。"
"Andisthatwhereyouwantmetohelpyou?"
"Ohwithyourarmandthatsortofthing,yes。ButImayhavetolooktoyouforsomethingmore。Ifeelasifsomethingweregoingtohappen。"
"That’sexactlywhatIsaidtoJasperthismorning。"
"Andwhatdidhesay?"
"Heonlylookedinnocent——asifhethoughtImeantafogorastorm。"
"Heavenforbid——itisn’tthat!Ishallneverbegood-naturedagain,"
Mrs。Nettlepointwenton;"neverhaveagirlputonmethatway。Youalwayspayforit——therearealwaystiresomecomplications。WhatI’mafraidofisafterwegetthere。She’llthrowupherengagement;
therewillbedreadfulscenes;Ishallbemixedupwiththemandhavetolookafterherandkeepherwithme。Ishallhavetostaytherewithhertillshecanbesentback,oreventakeheruptoLondon。
Doyouseeallthat?"
Ilistenedrespectfully;afterwhichIobserved:"You’reafraidofyourson。"
Shealsohadapause。"Itdependsonhowyoumeanit。"
"Therearethingsyoumightsaytohim——andwithyourmanner;becauseyouhaveone,youknow,whenyouchoose。"
"Verylikely,butwhat’smymannertohis?Besides,IHAVEsaideverythingtohim。ThatisI’vesaidthegreatthing——thathe’smakingherimmenselytalkedabout。"
"Andofcourseinanswertothathehasaskedyouhowyouknow,andyou’vetoldhimyouhaveitfromme。"
"I’vehadtotellhim;andhesaysit’snoneofyourbusiness。"
"Iwishhe’dsaythat,"Iremarked,"tomyface。"
"He’lldosoperfectlyifyougivehimachance。That’swhereyoucanhelpme。Quarrelwithhim——he’srathergoodataquarrel;andthatwilldiverthimanddrawhimoff。"
"ThenI’mready,"Ireturned,"todiscussthematterwithhimfortherestofthevoyage。"
"Verywell;Icountonyou。Buthe’llaskyou,asheasksme,whatthedeuceyouwanthimtodo。"
"Togotobed!"——andI’mafraidIlaughed。
"Ohitisn’tajoke。"
Ididn’twanttobeirritating,butImademypoint。"That’sexactlywhatItoldyouatfirst。"
"Yes,butdon’texult;Ihatepeoplewhoexult。Jasperasksofme,"
shewenton,"whyheshouldmindherbeingtalkedaboutifshedoesn’tminditherself。"
"I’lltellhimwhy,"Ireplied;andMrs。Nettlepointsaidsheshouldbeexceedinglyobligedtomeandrepeatedthatshewouldindeedtakethefield。
IlookedforJasperabovethatsameevening,butcircumstancesdidn’tfavourmyquest。Ifoundhim——thatisIgatheredhewasagainensconcedbehindthelifeboatwithMissMavis;buttherewasaneedlessviolenceinbreakingintotheircommunion,andIputoffourinterviewtillthenextday。ThenItookthefirstopportunity,atbreakfast,tomakesureofit。HewasinthesaloonwhenIwentinandwaspreparingtoleavethetable;butIstoppedhimandaskedifhewouldgivemeaquarterofanhourondeckalittlelater——therewassomethingparticularIwantedtosaytohim。Hesaid"Ohyes,ifyoulike"——withjustavisiblesurprise,butIthoughtwithplentyofassurance。WhenIhadfinishedmybreakfastIfoundhimsmokingontheforward-deckandIimmediatelybegan:"I’mgoingtosaysomethingyouwon’tatalllike;toaskyouaquestionyou’llprobablydenounceforimpertinent。"
"IcertainlyshallifIfinditso,"saidJasperNettlepoint。
"Well,ofcoursemywarninghasmeantthatIdon’tcareifyoudo。
I’magooddealolderthanyouandI’mafriend——ofmanyyears——ofyourmother。There’snothingIlikelessthantobemeddlesome,butIthinkthesethingsgivemeacertainright——asortofprivilege。
Besideswhichmyinquirywillspeakforitself。"
"Whysomanydamnedpreliminaries?"myyoungmanaskedthroughhissmoke。
Welookedintoeachother’seyesamoment。Whatindeedwashismother’smanner——herbestmanner——comparedwithhis?"Areyoupreparedtoberesponsible?"
"Toyou?"
"Dearno——totheyoungladyherself。I’mspeakingofcourseofMissMavis。"
"Ahyes,mymothertellsmeyouhavehergreatlyonyourmind。"
"Sohasyourmotherherself——now。"
"She’ssogoodastosayso——toobligeyou。"
"She’dobligemeagreatdealmorebyreassuringme。IknowperfectlyofyourknowingI’vetoldherthatMissMavisisgreatlytalkedabout。"
"Yes,butwhatonearthdoesitmatter?"
"Itmattersasasign。"
"Asignofwhat?"
"Thatshe’sinafalseposition。"
Jasperpuffedhiscigarwithhiseyesonthehorizon,andIhad,alittleunexpectedly,thesenseofproducingacertaineffectonhim。
"Idon’tknowwhetherit’sYOURbusiness,whatyou’reattemptingtodiscussbutitreallystrikesmeit’snoneofmine。WhathaveItodowiththetattlewithwhichapackofoldwomenconsolethemselvesfornotbeingsea-sick?"
"DoyoucallittattlethatMissMavisisinlovewithyou?"
"Drivelling。"
"Then,"Iretorted,"you’reveryungrateful。Thetattleofapackofoldwomenhasthisimportance,thatshesuspects,orsheknows,itexists,andthatdecentgirlsareforthemostpartverysensitivetothatsortofthing。Tobepreparednottoheeditinthiscaseshemusthaveareason,andthereasonmustbetheoneI’vetakenthelibertytocallyourattentionto。"
"Inlovewithmeinsixdays,justlikethat?"——andhestilllookedawaythroughnarrowedeyelids。
"There’snoaccountingfortastes,andsixdaysatseaareequivalenttosixtyonland。Idon’twanttomakeyoutooproud。Ofcourseifyourecogniseyourresponsibilityit’sallrightandI’venothingtosay。"
"Idon’tseewhatyoumean,"hepresentlyreturned。
"Surelyyououghttohavethoughtofthatbythistime。She’sengagedtobemarried,andthegentlemanshe’sengagedtoistomeetheratLiverpool。Thewholeshipknowsit——though_I_didn’ttellthem!——andthewholeship’swatchingher。It’simpertinentifyoulike,justasIammyself,butwemakealittleworldheretogetherandwecan’tblinkitsconditions。WhatIaskyouiswhetheryou’repreparedtoallowhertogiveupthegentlemanI’vejustmentionedforyoursake。"
Jasperspokeinamomentasifhedidn’tunderstand。"Formysake?"
"Tomarryherifshebreakswithhim。"
Heturnedhiseyesfromthehorizontomyown,andIfoundastrangeexpressioninthem。"HasMissMaviscommissionedyoutogointothat?"
"Notintheleast。"
"Wellthen,Idon’tquitesee——!"
"Itisn’tasfromanotherImakeit。Letitcomefromyourself——TO
yourself。"
"Lord,youmustthinkIleadmyselfalife!"hecriedasincompassionformysimplicity。"That’saquestiontheyoungladymayputtomeanymomentitpleasesher。"
"Letmethenexpressthehopethatshewill。Butwhatwillyouanswer?"
"Mydearsir,itseemstomethatinspiteofallthetitlesyou’veenumeratedyou’venoreasontoexpectI’lltellyou。"Heturnedaway,andIdedicatedinperfectsincerityadeepsoresightothethoughtofouryoungwoman。Atthis,undertheimpressionofit,hefacedmeagainand,lookingatmefromheadtofoot,demanded:"Whatisityouwantmetodo?"
"Iputittoyourmotherthatyououghttogotobed。"
"Youhadbetterdothatyourself!"hereplied。
Thistimehewalkedoff,andIreflectedratherdolefullythattheonlyclearresultofmyundertakingwouldprobablyhavebeentomakeitvividtohimthatshewasinlovewithhim。Mrs。Nettlepointcameupasshehadannounced,butthedaywashalfover:itwasnearlythreeo’clock。Shewasaccompaniedbyherson,whoestablishedherondeck,arrangedherchairandhershawls,sawshewasprotectedfromsunandwind,andforanhourwasveryproperlyattentive。
WhilethiswentonGraceMaviswasnotvisible,nordidshereappearduringthewholeafternoon。Ihadn’tobservedthatshehadasyetbeenabsentfromthedeckforsolongaperiod。Jasperlefthismother,butcamebackatintervalstoseehowshegoton,andwhensheaskedwhereMissMavismightbeansweredthathehadn’ttheleastidea。Isatwithmyfriendatherparticularrequest:shetoldmesheknewthatifIdidn’tMrs。PeckandMrs。Gotchwouldmaketheirapproach,sothatImustactasawatch-dog。Shewasflurriedandfatiguedwithhermigration,andIthinkthatGraceMavis’schoosingthisoccasionforretirementsuggestedtoheralittlethatshehadbeenmadeafoolof。Sheremarkedthatthegirl’snotbeingthereshowedherforthebarbariansheonlycouldbe,andthatsheherselfwasreallyverygoodsotohaveputherselfout;herchargewasamerebore:thatwastheendofit。Icouldseethatmycompanion’sadventquickenedthespeculativeactivityoftheotherladiestheywatchedherfromtheoppositesideofthedeck,keepingtheireyesfixedonherverymuchasthemanatthewheelkepthisonthecourseoftheship。Mrs。Peckplainlyhaddesigns,anditwasfromthisdangerthatMrs。Nettlepointavertedherface。
"It’sjustaswesaid,"sheremarkedtomeaswesatthere。"It’slikethebucketsinthewell。WhenIcomeupeverythingelsegoesdown。"
"No,notatalleverythingelse——sinceJasperremainshere。"
"Remains?Idon’tseehim。"
"Hecomesandgoes——it’sthesamething。"
"Hegoesmorethanhecomes。Butn’enparlonsplus;Ihaven’tgainedanything。Idon’tadmiretheseaatall——whatisitbutamagnifiedwater-tank?Ishan’tcomeupagain。"
"I’veanideashe’llstayinhercabinnow,"Isaid。"Shetellsmeshehasonetoherself。"Mrs。Nettlepointrepliedthatshemightdoassheliked,andIrepeatedtoherthelittleconversationIhadhadwithJasper。
Shelistenedwithinterest,but"Marryher?Mercy!"sheexclaimed。
"Ilikethefinefreedomwithwhichyougivemysonaway。"
"Youwouldn’tacceptthat?"
"WhyintheworldshouldI?"
"ThenIdon’tunderstandyourposition。"
"Goodheavens,IHAVEnone!Itisn’tapositiontobetiredofthewholething。"
"Youwouldn’tacceptiteveninthecaseIputtohim——thatofherbelievingshehadbeenencouragedtothrowoverpoorPorterfield?"
"Noteven——noteven。Whocanknowwhatshebelieves?"
Itbroughtmebacktowherewehadstartedfrom。"ThenyoudoexactlywhatIsaidyouwould——youshowmeafineexampleofmaternalimmorality。"
"Maternalfiddlesticks!Itwasshewhobeganit。"
"Thenwhydidyoucomeuptoday?"Iasked。
"Tokeepyouquiet。"
Mrs。Nettlepoint’sdinnerwasservedondeck,butIwentintothesaloon。Jasperwasthere,butnotGraceMavis,asIhadhalf-
expected。Isoughttolearnfromhimwhathadbecomeofher,ifshewereill——hemusthavethoughtIhadanodiouspertinacity——andherepliedthatheknewnothingwhateverabouther。Mrs。Pecktalkedtome——ortriedto——ofMrs。Nettlepoint,expatiatingonthegreatinterestithadbeentoseeher;onlyitwasapityshedidn’tseemmoresociable。TothisImadeanswerthatshewastobeexcusedonthescoreofhealth。
"Youdon’tmeantosayshe’ssickonthispond?"
"No,she’sunwellinanotherway。"
"IguessIknowtheway!"Mrs。Pecklaughed。Andthensheadded:"I
supposeshecameuptolookafterherpet。"
"Herpet?"Isetmyface。
"WhyMissMavis。We’vetalkedenoughaboutthat。"
"Quiteenough。Idon’tknowwhatthathashadtodowithit。MissMavis,sofarasI’venoticed,hasn’tbeenabovetoday。"
"Ohitgoesonallthesame。"
"Itgoeson?"
"Well,it’stoolate。"
"Toolate?"
"Well,you’llsee。There’llbearow。"
Thiswasn’tcomforting,butIdidn’trepeatitondeck。Mrs。
Nettlepointreturnedearlytohercabin,professingherselfinfinitelyspent。Ididn’tknowwhat"wenton,"butGraceMaviscontinuednottoshow。Ilookedinlate,foragood-nighttomyfriend,andlearnedfromherthatthegirlhadn’tbeentoher。Shehadsentthestewardesstoherroomfornews,toseeifshewereillandneededassistance,andthestewardesshadcomebackwithmerementionofhernotbeingthere。Iwentaboveafterthis;thenightwasnotquitesofairandthedeckalmostempty。InamomentJasperNettlepointandouryoungladymovedpastmetogether。"Ihopeyou’rebetter!"Icalledafterher;andshetossedmeoverhershoulder——"Ohyes,Ihadaheadache;buttheairnowdoesmegood!"
Iwentdownagain——Iwastheonlypersontherebutthey,andIwantednottoseemtodogtheirsteps——and,returningtoMrs。Nettlepoint’sroom,found(herdoorwasopentothelittlepassage)thatshewasstillsittingup。
"She’sallright!"Isaid。"She’sonthedeckwithJasper。"
Thegoodladylookedupatmefromherbook。"Ididn’tknowyoucalledthatallright。"
"Well,it’sbetterthansomethingelse。"
"Thanwhatelse?"
"SomethingIwasalittleafraidof。"Mrs。Nettlepointcontinuedtolookatme;sheaskedagainwhatthatmightbe。"I’lltellyouwhenwe’reashore,"Isaid。
ThenextdayIwaitedonherattheusualhourofmymorningvisit,andfoundhernotalittledistraught。"Thesceneshavebegun,"shesaid;"youknowItoldyouIshouldn’tgetthroughwithoutthem!Youmademenervouslastnight——Ihaven’ttheleastideawhatyoumeant;
butyoumademehorriblynervous。Shecameintoseemeanhourago,andIhadthecouragetosaytoher:’Idon’tknowwhyIshouldn’ttellyoufranklythatI’vebeenscoldingmysonaboutyou。’OfcoursesheaskedwhatImeantbythat,andIletherknow。’Itseemstomehedragsyouabouttheshiptoomuchforagirlinyourposition。Hehastheairofnotrememberingthatyoubelongtosomeoneelse。There’sawantoftasteandevenawantofrespectinit。’
Thatbroughtonanoutbreak:shebecameveryviolent。"
"Doyoumeanindignant?"
"Yes,indignant,andaboveallflusteredandexcited——atmypresumingtosupposeherrelationswithmysonnottheverysimplestintheworld。ImightscoldhimasmuchasIliked——thatwasbetweenourselves;butshedidn’tseewhyIshouldmentionsuchmatterstoherself。DidIthinksheallowedhimtotreatherwithdisrespect?
Thatideawasn’tmuchofacomplimenttoeitherofthem!Hehadtreatedherbetterandbeenkindertoherthanmostotherpeople——
therewereveryfewontheshipwhohadn’tbeeninsulting。Sheshouldbegladenoughwhenshegotoffit,toherownpeople,tosomeonewhomnobodywouldhavearighttospeakof。Whatwasthereinherpositionthatwasn’tperfectlynatural?whatwastheideaofmakingafussaboutherposition?DidImeanthatshetookittooeasily——thatshedidn’tthinkasmuchassheoughtaboutMr。
Porterfield?Didn’tIbelieveshewasattachedtohim——didn’tI
believeshewasjustcountingthehourstillshesawhim?Thatwouldbethehappiestmomentofherlife。ItshowedhowlittleIknewherifIthoughtanythingelse。"
"Allthatmusthavebeenratherfine——Ishouldhavelikedtohearit,"Isaidafterquitehangingonmyfriend’slips。"Andwhatdidyoureply?"
"OhIgrovelled;IassuredherthatIaccusedher——asregardsmyson——
ofnothingworsethananexcessofgoodnature。Shehelpedhimtopasshistime——heoughttobeimmenselyobliged。AlsothatitwouldbeaveryhappymomentformetoowhenIshouldhandherovertoMr。
Porterfield。"
"Andwillyoucomeuptoday?"
"Noindeed——Ithinkshe’lldobeautifullynow。"
Iheavedthistimeasighofrelief。"All’swellthatendswell!"
Jasperspentthatdayagreatdealoftimewithhismother。Shehadtoldmehowmuchshehadlackedhithertoproperopportunitytotalkoverwithhimtheirmovementsafterdisembarking。Everythingchangesalittlethelasttwoorthreedaysofavoyage;thespellisbrokenandnewcombinationstakeplace。GraceMaviswasneitherondecknoratdinner,andIdrewMrs。Peck’sattentiontotheextremeproprietywithwhichshenowconductedherself。Shehadspentthedayinmeditationandjudgeditbesttocontinuetomeditate。
"Ahshe’safraid,"saidmyimplacableneighbour。
"Afraidofwhat?"
"Well,thatwe’lltelltaleswhenwegetthere。"
"Whomdoyoumeanby’we’?"
"Well,thereareplenty——onashiplikethis。"
"ThenIthink,"Ireturned,"wewon’t。"
"Maybewewon’thavethechance,"saidthedreadfullittlewoman。
"Ohatthatmoment"——Ispokefromafullexperience——"universalgenialityreigns。"
Mrs。Peckhoweverknewlittleofanysuchlaw。"Iguessshe’safraidallthesame。"
"Somuchthebetter!"
"Yes——somuchthebetter!"
Allthenextdaytoothegirlremainedinvisible,andMrs。
Nettlepointtoldmeshehadn’tlookedin。SheherselfhadaccordinglyinquiredbythestewardessifshemightbereceivedinMissMavis’sownquarters,andtheyoungladyhadrepliedthattheywerelitteredupwiththingsandunfitforvisitors:shewaspackingatrunkover。Jaspermadeupforhisdevotiontohismotherthedaybeforebynowspendingagreatdealofhistimeinthesmoking-room。
Iwantedtosaytohim"Thisismuchbetter,"butIthoughtitwisertoholdmytongue。IndeedIhadbeguntofeeltheemotionofprospectivearrival——thesenseofthereturntoEuropealwayskeptitsintensity——andhadtherebythelessattentionforothermatters。
Itwilldoubtlessappeartothecriticalreaderthatmyexpenditureofinteresthadbeenoutofproportiontothevulgarappearancesofwhichmystorygivesanaccount,buttothisIcanonlyreplythattheeventwastojustifyme。Wesightedland,thedimyetrichcoastofIreland,aboutsunset,andIleanedonthebulwarkandtookitin。
"Itdoesn’tlooklikemuch,doesit?"Iheardavoicesay,besideme;
whereupon,turning,IfoundGraceMavisathand。Almostforthefirsttimeshehadherveilup,andIthoughtherverypale。
"Itwillbemoretomorrow,"Isaid。
"Ohyes,agreatdealmore。"
"Thefirstsightofland,atsea,changeseverything,"Iwenton。
"Italwaysaffectsmeaswakingupfromadream。It’sareturntoreality。"
Foramomentshemademenoresponse;thenshesaid"Itdoesn’tlookveryrealyet。"
"No,andmeanwhile,thislovelyevening,onecanputitthatthedream’sstillpresent。"
Shelookedupatthesky,whichhadabrightness,thoughthelightofthesunhadleftitandthatofthestarshadn’tbegun。"ItISalovelyevening。"
"Ohyes,withthisweshalldo。"
Shestoodsomemomentsmore,whilethegrowingduskeffacedthelineofthelandmorerapidlythanourprogressmadeitdistinct。Shesaidnothingmore,sheonlylookedinfrontofher;butherveryquietnesspromptedmetosomethingsuggestiveofsympathyandservice。Itwasdifficultindeedtostriketherightnote——somethingsseemedtoowideofthemarkandotherstooimportunate。Atlast,unexpectedly,sheappearedtogivememychance。Irrelevantly,abruptlyshebrokeout:"Didn’tyoutellmeyouknewMr。
Porterfield?"
"Dearme,yes——Iusedtoseehim。I’veoftenwantedtospeaktoyouofhim。"
SheturnedherfaceonmeandinthedeepenedeveningIimaginedhermorepale。"Whatgoodwouldthatdo?"
"Whyitwouldbeapleasure,"Irepliedratherfoolishly。
"Doyoumeanforyou?"
"Well,yes——callitthat,"Ismiled。
"Didyouknowhimsowell?"
MysmilebecamealaughandIlostalittlemyconfidence。"You’renoteasytomakespeechesto。"
"Ihatespeeches!"Thewordscamefromherlipswithaforcethatsurprisedme;theywereloudandhard。ButbeforeIhadtimetowondershewentonalittledifferently。"Shallyouknowhimwhenyouseehim?"
"Perfectly,Ithink。"HermannerwassostrangethatIhadtonoticeitinsomeway,andIjudgedthebestwaywasjocularly;soIadded:
"Shan’tyou?"
"Ohperhapsyou’llpointhimout!"Andshewalkedquicklyaway。AsIlookedafterhertherecametomeaperverse,ratheraprovokingconsciousnessofhavingduringthepreviousdays,andespeciallyinspeakingtoJasperNettlepoint,interferedwithhersituationinsomedegreetoherloss。Therewasanoddpangformeinseeinghermoveaboutalone;IfeltsomehowresponsibleforitandaskedmyselfwhyI
couldn’thavekeptmyhandsoff。IhadseenJasperinthesmoking-
roommorethanoncethatday,asIpassedit,andhalfanhourbeforethishadobserved,throughtheopendoor,thathewasthere。Hehadbeenwithhersomuchthatwithouthimshenowstruckoneasbereavedandforsaken。Thiswasreallybetter,nodoubt,butsuperficiallyitmoved——andIadmitwiththelastinconsequence——one’spity。Mrs。
Peckwoulddoubtlesshaveassuredmethattheirseparationwasgammon:theydidn’tshowtogetherondeckandinthesaloon,buttheymadeitupelsewhere。Thesecretplacesonshipboardarenotnumerous;Mrs。Peck’s"elsewhere"wouldhavebeenvague,andIknownotwhatlicenceherimaginationtook。ItwasdistinctthatJasperhadfallenoff,butofcoursewhathadpassedbetweenthemonthisscorewasn’tsoandcouldneverbe。Lateron,throughhismother,I
hadHISversionofthat,butImayremarkthatIgaveitnocredit。
PoorMrs。Nettlepoint,ontheotherhand,wasofcoursetogiveitall。Iwasalmostcapable,afterthegirlhadleftme,ofgoingtomyyoungmanandsaying:"Afterall,doreturntoheralittle,justtillwegetin!Itwon’tmakeanydifferenceafterweland。"AndI
don’tthinkitwasthefearhewouldtellmeIwasanidiotthatpreventedme。AtanyratethenexttimeIpassedthedoorofthesmoking-roomIsawhehadleftit。IpaidmyusualvisittoMrs。
Nettlepointthatnight,butItroubledhernofurtheraboutMissMavis。Shehadmadeuphermindthateverythingwassmoothandsettlednow,anditseemedtomeIhadworriedher,andthatshehadworriedherself,insufficiency。Ilefthertoenjoythedeepeningforetasteofarrival,whichhadtakenpossessionofhermind。BeforeturninginIwentaboveandfoundmorepassengersondeckthanIhadeverseensolate。Jaspermovedaboutamongthemalone,butI
forboretojoinhim。ThecoastofIrelandhaddisappeared,butthenightandtheseawereperfect。Onthewaytomycabin,whenIcamedown,Imetthestewardessinoneofthepassages,andtheideaenteredmyheadtosaytoher:"DoyouhappentoknowwhereMissMavisis?"
"Whyshe’sinherroom,sir,atthishour。"
"DoyousupposeIcouldspeaktoher?"IthadcomeintomymindtoaskherwhyshehadwantedtoknowofmeifIshouldrecogniseMr。
Porterfield。
"Nosir,"saidthestewardess;"shehasgonetobed。"
"That’sallright。"AndIfollowedtheyounglady’sexcellentexample。
Thenextmorning,whileIdressed,thestewardofmysideoftheshipcametomeasusualtoseewhatIwanted。Butthefirstthinghesaidto,mewas:"Ratherabadjob,sir——apassengermissing。"AndwhileItookIscarceknowwhatinstantchillfromit,"Alady,sir,"
hewenton——"whomIthinkyouknew。PoorMissMavis,sir。"
"MISSING?"Icried——staringathimandhorror-stricken。
"She’snotontheship。Theycan’tfindher。"
"ThenwheretoGodisshe?"
Irecallhisqueerface。"Wellsir,IsupposeyouknowthataswellasI。"
"Doyoumeanshehasjumpedoverboard?"
"Sometimeinthenight,sir——onthequiet。Butit’sbeyondeveryone,thewaysheescapednotice。Theyusuallysees’em,sir。Itmusthavebeenabouthalf-pasttwo。Lord,butshewassharp,sir。
Shedidn’tsomuchasmakeasplash。Theysayshe’ADcomeagainstherwill,sir。"
Ihaddroppeduponmysofa——Ifeltfaint。Themanwenton,likingtotalkaspersonsofhisclassdowhentheyhavesomethinghorribletotell。Sheusuallyrangforthestewardessearly,butthismorningofcoursetherehadbeennoring。Thestewardesshadgoneinallthesameabouteighto’clockandfoundthecabinempty。Thatwasaboutanhourprevious。Herthingswerethereinconfusion——thethingssheusuallyworewhenshewentabove。Thestewardessthoughtshehadbeenabitoddthenightbefore,buthadwaitedalittleandthengoneback。MissMavishadn’tturnedup——andshedidn’tturnup。Thestewardessbegantolookforher——shehadn’tbeenseenondeckorinthesaloon。Besides,shewasn’tdressed——nottoshowherself;allherclotheswereinherroom。Therewasanotherlady,anoldlady,Mrs。Nettlepoint——Iwouldknowher——thatshewassometimeswith,butthestewardesshadbeenwithHERandknewMissMavishadn’tcomenearherthatmorning。ShehadspokentoHIMandtheyhadtakenaquietlook——theyhadhuntedeverywhere。Aship’sabigplace,butyoudidcometotheendofit,andifapersonwasn’ttherewhythereitwas。
Inshortanhourhadpassedandtheyoungladywasnotaccountedfor:
fromwhichImightjudgeifsheeverwouldbe。Thewatchcouldn’taccountforher,butnodoubtthefishesintheseacould——poormiserablepitifullady!ThestewardessandhehadofcoursethoughtittheirdutytospeakatoncetotheDoctor,andtheDoctorhadspokenimmediatelytotheCaptain。TheCaptaindidn’tlikeit——theyneverdid,buthe’dtrytokeepitquiet——theyalwaysdid。
BythetimeIsucceededinpullingmyselftogetherandgettingon,afterafashion,therestofmyclothesIhadlearnedthatMrs。
Nettlepointwouldn’tyethavebeentold,unlessthestewardesshadbrokenittoherwithinthepreviousfewminutes。Hersonknew,theyounggentlemanontheothersideoftheship——hehadtheothersteward;mymanhadseenhimcomeoutofhiscabinandrushabove,justbeforehecameintome。HeHADgoneabove,mymanwassure;hehadn’tgonetotheoldlady’scabin。Icatchagainthesenseofmydreadfullyseeingsomethingatthatmoment,catchthewildflash,underthesteward’swords,ofJasperNettlepointleaping,withamadcompunctioninhisyoungagility,overthesideoftheship。I
hastentoadd,however,thatnosuchincidentwasdestinedtocontributeitshorrortopoorGraceMavis’sunwitnessedandunlightedtragicact。Whatfollowedwasmiserableenough,butIcanonlyglanceatit。WhenIgottoMrs。Nettlepoint’sdoorshewastherewithashawlabouther;thestewardesshadjusttoldherandshewasdashingouttocometome。Imadehergoback——IsaidIwouldgoforJasper。IwentforhimbutImissedhim,partlynodoubtbecauseitwasreallyatfirsttheCaptainIwasafter。Ifoundthispersonageandfoundhimhighlyscandalised,buthegavemenohopethatwewereinerror,andhisdispleasure,expressedwithseamanlikestrength,wasadefinitesettlementofthequestion。Fromthedeck,whereI
merelyturnedroundandlooked,Isawthelightofanothersummerday,thecoastofIrelandgreenandnearandtheseaofamorecharmingcolourthanithadshownatall。WhenIcamebelowagainJasperhadpassedback;hehadgonetohiscabinandhismotherhadjoinedhimthere。HeremainedtheretillwereachedLiverpool——I
neversawhim。Hismother,afteralittle,athisrequest,lefthimalone。Alltheworldwentabovetolookatthelandandchatteraboutourtragedy,butthepoorladyspenttheday,dismallyenough,inherroom。Itseemedtome,thedreadfulday,intolerablylong;I
wasthinkingsoofvague,ofinconceivableyetinevitablePorterfield,andofmyhavingtofacehimsomehowonthemorrow。NowofcourseIknewwhyshehadaskedmeifIshouldrecognisehim;shehaddelegatedtomementallyacertainpleasantoffice。IgaveMrs。
PeckandMrs。Gotchawideberth——Icouldn’ttalktothem。Icould,oratleastIdidalittle,toMrs。Nettlepoint,butwithtoomanyreservesforcomfortoneitherside,sinceIquitefelthowlittleitwouldnowmakeforeasetomentionJaspertoher。Iwasobligedtoassumebymysilencethathehadhadnothingtodowithwhathadhappened;andofcourseIneverreallyascertainedwhatheHADhadtodo。Thesecretofwhatpassedbetweenhimandthestrangegirlwhowouldhavesacrificedhermarriagetohimonsoshortanacquaintanceremainsshutupinhisbreast。Hismother,Iknow,wenttohisdoorfromtimetotime,butherefusedheradmission。Thatevening,tobehumanataventure,Irequestedthestewardtogoinandaskhimifheshouldcaretoseeme,andthegoodmanreturnedwithananswerwhichhecandidlytransmitted。"Notintheleast!"——JasperapparentlywasalmostasscandalisedastheCaptain。
AtLiverpool,atthedock,whenwehadtouched,twentypeoplecameonboardandIhadalreadymadeoutMr。Porterfieldatadistance。Hewaslookingupatthesideofthegreatvesselwithdisappointmentwritten——formystrainedeyes——inhisface;disappointmentatnotseeingthewomanhehadsolongawaitedleanoveritandwaveherhandkerchieftohim。Everyonewaslookingathim,everyonebutshe——hisidentityflewaboutinamoment——andIwonderedifitdidn’tstrikehim。Heusedtobegauntandangular,buthadgrownalmostfatandstoopedalittle。Theintervalbetweenusdiminished——hewasontheplankandthenonthedeckwiththejostlingagentsoftheCustoms;toosoonformyequanimity。Imethiminstantly,however,tosavehimfromexposure——laidmyhandonhimanddrewhimaway,thoughIwassurehehadnoimpressionofhavingseenmebefore。ItwasnottillafterwardsthatIthoughtthisrathercharacteristicallydullofhim。Idrewhimfaraway——IwasconsciousofMrs。PeckandMrs。Gotch,lookingatusaswepassed——intotheemptystalesmoking-
room:heremainedspeechless,andthatstruckmeaslikehim。Ihadtospeakfirst,hecouldn’tevenrelievemebysaying"Isanythingthematter?"Ibrokegroundbyputtingit,feebly,thatshewasill。
Itwasadiremoment。