Chapter21
  "Atlastyouhavecome,"shesaid,throwingherarmsroundmyneck。"Buthowpaleyouare!"
  Itoldherofthescenewithmyfather。
  "MyGod!Iwasafraidofit,"shesaid。"WhenJosephcametotellyouofyourfather'sarrivalItrembledasifhehadbroughtnewsofsomemisfortune。Mypoorfriend,Iamthecauseofallyourdistress。Youwillbebetteroff,perhaps,ifyouleavemeanddonotquarrelwithyourfatheronmyaccount。Heknowsthatyouaresuretohaveamistress,andheoughttobethankfulthatitisI,sinceIloveyouanddonotwantmoreofyouthanyourpositionallows。Didyoutellhimhowwehadarrangedourfuture?"
  "Yes;thatiswhatannoyedhimthemost,forhesawhowmuchwereallyloveoneanother。"
  "Whatarewetodo,then?"
  "Holdtogether,mygoodMarguerite,andletthestormpassover。"
  "Willitpass?"
  "Itwillhaveto。"
  "Butyourfatherwillnotstopthere。"
  "Whatdoyousupposehecando?"
  "HowdoIknow?Everythingthatafathercandotomakehissonobeyhim。Hewillremindyouofmypastlife,andwillperhapsdomethehonourofinventingsomenewstory,sothatyoumaygivemeup。"
  "YouknowthatIloveyou。"
  "Yes,butwhatIknow,too,isthat,soonerorlater,youwillhavetoobeyyourfather,andperhapsyouwillendbybelievinghim。"
  "No,Marguerite。ItisIwhowillmakehimbelieveme。Someofhisfriendshavebeentellinghimtaleswhichhavemadehimangry;butheisgoodandjust,hewillchangehisfirstimpression;andthen,afterall,whatdoesitmattertome?"
  "Donotsaythat,Armand。Iwouldratheranythingshouldhappenthanthatyoushouldquarrelwithyourfamily;waittillafterto-day,andto-morrowgobacktoParis。Yourfather,too,willhavethoughtitoveronhisside,andperhapsyouwillbothcometoabetterunderstanding。Donotgoagainsthisprinciples,pretendtomakesomeconcessionstowhathewants;seemnottocaresoverymuchaboutme,andhewillletthingsremainastheyare。Hope,myfriend,andbesureofonething,thatwhateverhappens,Margueritewillalwaysbeyours。"
  "Youswearit?"
  "DoIneedtoswearit?"
  Howsweetitistoletoneselfbepersuadedbythevoicethatoneloves!MargueriteandIspentthewholedayintalkingoverourprojectsforthefuture,asifwefelttheneedofrealizingthemasquicklyaspossible。Ateverymomentweawaitedsomeevent,butthedaypassedwithoutbringingusanynewtidings。
  NextdayIleftatteno'clock,andreachedthehotelabouttwelve。Myfatherhadgoneout。
  Iwenttomyownrooms,hopingthathehadperhapsgonethere。Noonehadcalled。Iwenttothesolicitor's。Noonewasthere。I
  wentbacktothehotel,andwaitedtillsix。M。Duvaldidnotreturn,andIwentbacktoBougival。
  IfoundMargueritenotwaitingforme,asshehadbeenthedaybefore,butsittingbythefire,whichtheweatherstillmadenecessary。ShewassoabsorbedinherthoughtsthatIcameclosetoherchairwithoutherhearingme。WhenIputmylipstoherforeheadshestartedasifthekisshadsuddenlyawakenedher。
  "Youfrightenedme,"shesaid。"Andyourfather?"
  "Ihavenotseenhim。Idonotknowwhatitmeans。Hewasnotathishotel,noranywherewheretherewasachanceofmyfindinghim。"
  "Well,youmusttryagainto-morrow。"
  "Iamverymuchinclinedtowaittillhesendsforme。IthinkI
  havedoneallthatcanbeexpectedofme。"
  "No,myfriend,itisnotenough;youmustcallonyourfatheragain,andyoumustcallto-morrow。"
  "Whyto-morrowratherthananyotherday?"
  "Because,"saidMarguerite,anditseemedtomethatsheblushedslightlyatthisquestion,"becauseitwillshowthatyouarethemorekeenaboutit,andhewillforgiveusthesooner。"
  FortheremainderofthedayMargueritewassadandpreoccupied。
  IhadtorepeattwiceovereverythingIsaidtohertoobtainananswer。Sheascribedthispreoccupationtoheranxietyinregardtotheeventswhichhadhappenedduringthelasttwodays。I
  spentthenightinreassuringher,andshesentmeawayinthemorningwithaninsistentdisquietudethatIcouldnotexplaintomyself。
  Againmyfatherwasabsent,buthehadleftthisletterforme:
  "Ifyoucallagainto-day,waitformetillfour。IfIamnotinbyfour,comeanddinewithmeto-morrow。Imustseeyou。"
  Iwaitedtillthehourhehadnamed,buthedidnotappear。I
  returnedtoBougival。
  ThenightbeforeIhadfoundMargueritesad;thatnightIfoundherfeverishandagitated。Onseeingme,sheflungherarmsaroundmyneck,butshecriedforalongtimeinmyarms。I
  questionedherastothissuddendistress,whichalarmedmebyitsviolence。Shegavemenopositivereason,butputmeoffwiththoseevasionswhichawomanresortstowhenshewillnottellthetruth。
  Whenshewasalittlecalmeddown,Itoldhertheresultofmyvisit,andIshowedhermyfather'sletter,fromwhich,Isaid,wemightaugurwell。Atthesightoftheletterandonhearingmycomment,hertearsbegantoflowsocopiouslythatIfearedanattackofnerves,and,callingNanine,Iputhertobed,wheresheweptwithoutaword,butheldmyhandsandkissedthemeverymoment。
  IaskedNanineif,duringmyabsence,hermistresshadreceivedanyletterorvisitwhichcouldaccountforthestateinwhichI
  foundher,butNaninerepliedthatnoonehadcalledandnothinghadbeensent。
  Something,however,hadoccurredsincethedaybefore,somethingwhichtroubledmethemorebecauseMargueriteconcealeditfromme。
  Intheeveningsheseemedalittlecalmer,and,makingmesitatthefootofthebed,shetoldmemanytimeshowmuchshelovedme。Shesmiledatme,butwithaneffort,forinspiteofherselfhereyeswereveiledwithtears。
  Iusedeverymeanstomakeherconfesstherealcauseofherdistress,butshepersistedingivingmenothingbutvaguereasons,asIhavetoldyou。Atlastshefellasleepinmyarms,butitwasthesleepwhichtiresratherthanreststhebody。Fromtimetotimesheutteredacry,startedup,and,afterassuringherselfthatIwasbesideher,mademeswearthatIwouldalwaysloveher。
  Icouldmakenothingoftheseintermittentparoxysmsofdistress,whichwentontillmorning。ThenMargueritefellintoakindofstupor。Shehadnotsleptfortwonights。
  Herrestwasofshortduration,fortowardelevensheawoke,and,seeingthatIwasup,shelookedabouther,crying:
  "Areyougoingalready?"
  "No,"saidI,holdingherhands;"butIwantedtoletyousleepon。Itisstillearly。"
  "WhattimeareyougoingtoParis?"
  "Atfour。"
  "Sosoon?Butyouwillstaywithmetillthen?"
  "Ofcourse。DoInotalways?"
  "Iamsoglad!Shallwehavelunch?"shewentonabsentmindedly。
  "Ifyoulike。"
  "Andthenyouwillbenicetometilltheverymomentyougo?"
  "Yes;andIwillcomebackassoonasIcan。"
  "Youwillcomeback?"shesaid,lookingatmewithhaggardeyes。
  "Naturally。"
  "Oh,yes,youwillcomebackto-night。Ishallwaitforyou,asI
  alwaysdo,andyouwillloveme,andweshallbehappy,aswehavebeeneversincewehaveknowneachother。"
  Allthesewordsweresaidinsuchastrainedvoice,theyseemedtohidesopersistentandsosorrowfulathought,thatItrembledeverymomentlestMargueriteshouldbecomedelirious。
  "Listen,"Isaid。"Youareill。Icannotleaveyoulikethis。I
  willwriteandtellmyfathernottoexpectme。"
  "No,no,"shecriedhastily,"don'tdothat。Yourfatherwillaccusemeofhinderingyouagainfromgoingtoseehimwhenhewantstoseeyou;no,no,youmustgo,youmust!Besides,Iamnotill。Iamquitewell。Ihadabaddreamandamnotyetfullyawake。"
  FromthatmomentMargueritetriedtoseemmorecheerful。Therewerenomoretears。
  Whenthehourcameformetogo,Iembracedherandaskedherifshewouldcomewithmeasfarasthetrain;Ihopedthatthewalkwoulddistractherandthattheairwoulddohergood。Iwantedespeciallytobewithheraslongaspossible。
  Sheagreed,putonhercloakandtookNaninewithher,soasnottoreturnalone。TwentytimesIwasonthepointofnotgoing。
  Butthehopeofaspeedyreturn,andthefearofoffendingmyfatherstillmore,sustainedme,andItookmyplaceinthetrain。
  "Tillthisevening!"IsaidtoMarguerite,asIlefther。Shedidnotreply。
  Oncealreadyshehadnotrepliedtothesamewords,andtheComtedeG。,youwillremember,hadspentthenightwithher;butthattimewassofarawaythatitseemedtohavebeeneffacedfrommymemory,andifIhadanyfear,itwascertainlynotofMargueritebeingunfaithfultome。ReachingParis,IhastenedofftoseePrudence,intendingtoaskhertogoandkeepMargueritecompany,inthehopethathermirthandlivelinesswoulddistracther。I
  enteredwithoutbeingannounced,andfoundPrudenceathertoilet。
  "Ah!"shesaid,anxiously;"isMargueritewithyou?"
  "No。"
  "Howisshe?"
  "Sheisnotwell。"
  "Isshenotcoming?"
  "Didyouexpecther?"
  MadameDuvernoyreddened,andreplied,withacertainconstraint:
  "IonlymeantthatsinceyouareatParis,isshenotcomingtojoinyou?"
  "No。"
  IlookedatPrudence;shecastdownhereyes,andIreadinherfacethefearofseeingmyvisitprolonged。
  "Ievencametoaskyou,mydearPrudence,ifyouhavenothingtodothisevening,togoandseeMarguerite;youwillbecompanyforher,andyoucanstaythenight。Ineversawherasshewasto-day,andIamafraidsheisgoingtobeill。"
  "Iamdiningintown,"repliedPrudence,"andIcan'tgoandseeMargueritethisevening。Iwillseehertomorrow。"
  ItookleaveofMme。Duvernoy,whoseemedalmostaspreoccupiedasMarguerite,andwentontomyfather's;hisfirstglanceseemedtostudymeattentively。Heheldouthishand。
  "Yourtwovisitshavegivenmepleasure,Armand,"hesaid;"theymakemehopethatyouhavethoughtoverthingsonyoursideasI
  haveonmine。"
  "MayIaskyou,father,whatwastheresultofyourreflection?"
  "Theresult,mydearboy,isthatIhaveexaggeratedtheimportanceofthereportsthathadbeenmadetome,andthatI
  havemadeupmymindtobelessseverewithyou。"
  "Whatareyousaying,father?"Icriedjoyously。
  "Isay,mydearchild,thateveryyoungmanmusthavehismistress,andthat,fromthefreshinformationIhavehad,I
  wouldratherseeyoutheloverofMlle。Gautierthanofanyoneelse。"
  "Mydearfather,howhappyyoumakeme!"
  Wetalkedinthismannerforsomemoments,andthensatdowntotable。Myfatherwascharmingalldinnertime。
  IwasinahurrytogetbacktoBougivaltotellMargueriteaboutthisfortunatechange,andIlookedattheclockeverymoment。
  "Youarewatchingthetime,"saidmyfather,"andyouareimpatienttoleaveme。Oyoungpeople,howyoualwayssacrificesinceretodoubtfulaffections!"
  "Donotsaythat,father;Margueritelovesme,Iamsureofit。"
  Myfatherdidnotanswer;heseemedtosayneitheryesnorno。
  HewasveryinsistentthatIshouldspendthewholeeveningwithhimandnotgotillthemorning;butMargueritehadnotbeenwellwhenIlefther。Itoldhimofit,andbeggedhispermissiontogobacktoherearly,promisingtocomeagainonthemorrow。
  Theweatherwasfine;hewalkedwithmeasfarasthestation。
  NeverhadIbeensohappy。ThefutureappearedasIhadlongdesiredtoseeit。IhadneverlovedmyfatherasIlovedhimatthatmoment。
  JustasIwasleavinghim,heoncemorebeggedmetostay。I
  refused。
  "Youarereallyverymuchinlovewithher?"heasked。
  "Madly。"
  "Go,then,"andhepassedhishandacrosshisforeheadasiftochaseathought,thenopenedhismouthasiftosaysomething;
  butheonlypressedmyhand,andleftmehurriedly,saying:
  "Tillto-morrow,then!"
  Chapter22
  Itseemedtomeasifthetraindidnotmove。IreachedBougivalateleven。
  Notawindowinthehousewaslightedup,andwhenIrangnooneansweredthebell。Itwasthefirsttimethatsuchathinghadoccurredtome。Atlastthegardenercame。Ientered。Naninemetmewithalight。IwenttoMarguerite'sroom。
  "Whereismadame?"
  "GonetoParis,"repliedNanine。
  "ToParis!"
  "Yes,sir。"
  "When?"
  "Anhourafteryou。"
  "Sheleftnowordforme?"
  "Nothing。"
  Nanineleftme。
  Perhapsshehadsomesuspicionorother,Ithought,andwenttoParistomakesurethatmyvisittomyfatherwasnotanexcuseforadayoff。PerhapsPrudencewrotetoheraboutsomethingimportant。IsaidtomyselfwhenIwasalone;butIsawPrudence;
  shesaidnothingtomakemesupposethatshehadwrittentoMarguerite。
  AllatonceIrememberedMme。Duvernoy'squestion,"Isn'tshecomingto-day?"whenIhadsaidthatMargueritewasill。I
  rememberedatthesametimehowembarrassedPrudencehadappearedwhenIlookedatherafterthisremark,whichseemedtoindicateanappointment。Iremembered,too,Marguerite'stearsalldaylong,whichmyfather'skindreceptionhadratherputoutofmymind。Fromthismomentalltheincidentsgroupedthemselvesaboutmyfirstsuspicion,andfixeditsofirmlyinmymindthateverythingservedtoconfirmit,evenmyfather'skindness。
  MargueritehadalmostinsistedonmygoingtoParis;shehadpretendedtobecalmerwhenIhadproposedstayingwithher。HadIfallenintosometrap?WasMargueritedeceivingme?Hadshecountedonbeingbackintimeformenottoperceiveherabsence,andhadshebeendetainedbychance?WhyhadshesaidnothingtoNanine,orwhyhadshenotwritten?Whatwasthemeaningofthosetears,thisabsence,thismystery?
  ThatiswhatIaskedmyselfinaffright,asIstoodinthevacantroom,gazingattheclock,whichpointedtomidnight,andseemedtosaytomethatitwastoolatetohopeformymistress'sreturn。Yet,afterallthearrangementswehadjustmade,afterthesacrificesthathadbeenofferedandaccepted,wasitlikelythatshewasdeceivingme?No。Itriedtogetridofmyfirstsupposition。
  Probablyshehadfoundapurchaserforherfurniture,andshehadgonetoParistoconcludethebargain。Shedidnotwishtotellmebeforehand,forsheknewthat,thoughIhadconsentedtoit,thesale,sonecessarytoourfuturehappiness,waspainfultome,andshefearedtowoundmyself-respectinspeakingtomeaboutit。Shewouldrathernotseemetillthewholethingwasdone,andthatwasevidentlywhyPrudencewasexpectingherwhensheletoutthesecret。Margueritecouldnotfinishthewholebusinessto-day,andwasstayingthenightwithPrudence,orperhapsshewouldcomeevennow,forshemustknowbowanxiousI
  shouldbe,andwouldnotwishtoleavemeinthatcondition。But,ifso,whythosetears?Nodoubt,despiteherloveforme,thepoorgirlcouldnotmakeuphermindtogiveupalltheluxuryinwhichshehadliveduntilnow,andforwhichshehadbeensoenvied,withoutcryingoverit。Iwasquitereadytoforgiveherforsuchregrets。Iwaitedforherimpatiently,thatImightsaytoher,asIcoveredherwithkisses,thatIhadguessedthereasonofhermysteriousabsence。
  Nevertheless,thenightwenton,andMargueritedidnotreturn。
  Myanxietytighteneditscirclelittlebylittle,andbegantooppressmyheadandheart。Perhapssomethinghadhappenedtoher。
  Perhapsshewasinjured,ill,dead。Perhapsamessengerwouldarrivewiththenewsofsomedreadfulaccident。Perhapsthedaylightwouldfindmewiththesameuncertaintyandwiththesamefears。
  TheideathatMargueritewasperhapsunfaithfultomeattheverymomentwhenIwaitedforherinterroratherabsencedidnotreturntomymind。Theremustbesomecause,independentofherwill,tokeepherawayfromme,andthemoreIthought,themoreconvincedIwasthatthiscausecouldonlybesomemishaporother。Ovanityofman,comingbacktousineveryform!
  Oneo'clockstruck。IsaidtomyselfthatIwouldwaitanotherhour,butthatattwoo'clock,ifMargueritehadnotreturned,I
  wouldsetoutforParis。MeanwhileIlookedaboutforabook,forIdarednotthink。ManonLescautwasopenonthetable。Itseemedtomethathereandtherethepageswerewetasifwithtears。I
  turnedtheleavesoverandthenclosedthebook,forthelettersseemedtomevoidofmeaningthroughtheveilofmydoubts。
  Timewentslowly。Theskywascoveredwithclouds。Anautumnrainlashedthewindows。Theemptybedseemedatmomentstoassumetheaspectofatomb。Iwasafraid。
  Iopenedthedoor。Ilistened,andheardnothingbutthevoiceofthewindinthetrees。Notavehiclewastobeseenontheroad。
  Thehalfhoursoundedsadlyfromthechurchtower。
  Ibegantofearlestsomeoneshouldenter。Itseemedtomethatonlyadisastercouldcomeatthathourandunderthatsombresky。
  Twoo'clockstruck。Istillwaitedalittle。Onlythesoundofthebelltroubledthesilencewithitsmonotonousandrhythmicalstroke。
  AtlastIlefttheroom,whereeveryobjecthadassumedthatmelancholyaspectwhichtherestlesssolitudeoftheheartgivestoallitssurroundings。
  InthenextroomIfoundNaninesleepingoverherwork。Atthesoundofthedoor,sheawokeandaskedifhermistresshadcomein。
  "No;butifshecomesin,tellherthatIwassoanxiousthatI
  hadtogotoParis。"
  "Atthishour?"
  "Yes。
  "Buthow?Youwon'tfindacarriage。"
  "Iwillwalk。"
  "Butitisraining。"
  "Nomatter。"
  "Butmadamewillbecomingback,orifshedoesn'tcomeitwillbetimeenoughinthemorningtogoandseewhathaskepther。
  Youwillbemurderedontheway。"
  "Thereisnodanger,mydearNanine;Iwillseeyouto-morrow。"
  Thegoodgirlwentandgotmeacloak,putitovermyshoulders,andofferedtowakeupMme。Arnouldtoseeifavehiclecouldbeobtained;butIwouldhearofnothing,convincedasIwasthatI
  shouldlose,inaperhapsfruitlessinquiry,moretimethanI
  shouldtaketocoverhalftheroad。Besides,Ifelttheneedofairandphysicalfatigueinordertocooldowntheover-
  excitementwhichpossessedme。
  ItookthekeyoftheflatintheRued'Antin,andaftersayinggood-byetoNanine,whocamewithmeasfarasthegate,Isetout。
  AtfirstIbegantorun,buttheearthwasmuddywithrain,andI
  fatiguedmyselfdoubly。AttheendofhalfanhourIwasobligedtostop,andIwasdrenchedwithsweat。Irecoveredmybreathandwenton。ThenightwassodarkthatateverystepIfearedtodashmyselfagainstoneofthetreesontheroadside,whichroseupsharplybeforemelikegreatphantomsrushinguponme。
  Iovertookoneortwowagons,whichIsoonleftbehind。A
  carriagewasgoingatfullgalloptowardBougival。AsitpassedmethehopecametomethatMargueritewasinit。Istoppedandcriedout,"Marguerite!Marguerite!"Butnooneansweredandthecarriagecontinueditscourse。Iwatcheditfadeawayinthedistance,andthenstartedonmywayagain。ItooktwohourstoreachtheBarrieredel'Etoile。ThesightofParisrestoredmystrength,andIranthewholelengthofthealleyIhadsooftenwalked。
  Thatnightnoonewaspassing;itwaslikegoingthroughthemidstofadeadcity。Thedawnbegantobreak。WhenIreachedtheRued'Antinthegreatcitystirredalittlebeforequiteawakening。Fiveo'clockstruckatthechurchofSaintRochatthemomentwhenIenteredMarguerite'shouse。Icalledoutmynametotheporter,whohadhadfrommeenoughtwenty-francpiecestoknowthatIhadtherighttocallonMlle。Gautieratfiveinthemorning。Ipassedwithoutdifficulty。ImighthaveaskedifMargueritewasathome,buthemighthavesaid"No,"andI
  preferredtoremainindoubttwominuteslonger,for,aslongasIdoubted,therewasstillhope。
  Ilistenedatthedoor,tryingtodiscoverasound,amovement。
  Nothing。Thesilenceofthecountryseemedtobecontinuedhere。
  Iopenedthedoorandentered。Allthecurtainswerehermeticallyclosed。Idrewthoseofthedining-roomandwenttowardthebed-roomandpushedopenthedoor。Isprangatthecurtaincordanddrewitviolently。Thecurtainopened,afaintlightmadeitswayin。Irushedtothebed。Itwasempty。
  Iopenedthedoorsoneafteranother。Ivisitedeveryroom。Noone。Itwasenoughtodriveonemad。
  Iwentintothedressing-room,openedthewindow,andcalledPrudenceseveraltimes。Mme。Duvernoy'swindowremainedclosed。
  IwentdownstairstotheporterandaskedhimifMlle。Gautierhadcomehomeduringtheday。
  "Yes,"answeredtheman;"withMme。Duvernoy。"
  "Sheleftnowordforme?"
  "No。"
  "Doyouknowwhattheydidafterward?"
  "Theywentawayinacarriage。"
  "Whatsortofacarriage?"
  "Aprivatecarriage。"
  Whatcoulditallmean?
  Irangatthenextdoor。
  "Whereareyougoing,sir?"askedtheporter,whenhehadopenedtome。
  "ToMme。Duvernoy's。"
  "Shehasnotcomeback。"
  "Youaresure?"
  "Yes,sir;here'salettereven,whichwasbroughtforherlastnightandwhichIhavenotyetgivenher。"
  AndtheportershowedmealetterwhichIglancedatmechanically。IrecognisedMarguerite'swriting。Itooktheletter。Itwasaddressed,"ToMme。Duvernoy,toforwardtoM。
  Duval。"
  "Thisletterisforme,"Isaidtotheporter,asIshowedhimtheaddress。
  "YouareM。Duval?"hereplied。
  "Yes。
  "Ah!Iremember。YouoftencametoseeMme。Duvernoy。"
  WhenIwasinthestreetIbrokethesealoftheletter。Ifathunder-bolthadfallenatmyfeetIshouldhavebeenlessstartledthanIwasbywhatIread。
  "Bythetimeyoureadthisletter,Armand,Ishallbethemistressofanotherman。Allisoverbetweenus。
  "Gobacktoyourfather,myfriend,andtoyoursister,andthere,bythesideofapureyounggirl,ignorantofallourmiseries,youwillsoonforgetwhatyouwouldhavesufferedthroughthatlostcreaturewhoiscalledMargueriteGautier,whomyouhavelovedforaninstant,andwhoowestoyoutheonlyhappymomentsofalifewhich,shehopes,willnotbeverylongnow。"
  WhenIhadreadthelastword,IthoughtIshouldhavegonemad。
  ForamomentIwasreallyafraidoffallinginthestreet。A
  cloudpassedbeforemyeyesandmybloodbeatinmytemples。AtlastIcametomyselfalittle。Ilookedaboutme,andwasastonishedtoseethelifeofotherscontinuewithoutpausingatmydistress。
  Iwasnotstrongenoughtoenduretheblowalone。ThenI
  rememberedthatmyfatherwasinthesamecity,thatImightbewithhimintenminutes,andthat,whatevermightbethecauseofmysorrow,hewouldshareit。
  Iranlikeamadman,likeathief,totheHoteldeParis;Ifoundthekeyinthedoorofmyfather'sroom;Ientered。Hewasreading。Heshowedsolittleastonishmentatseeingme,thatitwasasifhewasexpectingme。Iflungmyselfintohisarmswithoutsayingaword。IgavehimMarguerite'sletter,and,fallingonmykneesbesidehisbed,Iwepthottears。
  Chapter23
  Whenthecurrentoflifehadresumeditscourse,IcouldnotbelievethatthedaywhichIsawdawningwouldnotbelikethosewhichhadprecededit。ThereweremomentswhenIfanciedthatsomecircumstance,whichIcouldnotrecollect,hadobligedmetospendthenightawayfromMarguerite,butthat,ifIreturnedtoBougival,IshouldfindheragainasanxiousasIhadbeen,andthatshewouldaskmewhathaddetainedmeawayfromhersolong。
  Whenone'sexistencehascontractedahabit,suchasthatofthislove,itseemsimpossiblethatthehabitshouldbebrokenwithoutatthesametimebreakingalltheotherspringsoflife。IwasforcedfromtimetotimetorereadMarguerite'sletter,inordertoconvincemyselfthatIhadnotbeendreaming。
  Mybody,succumbingtothemoralshock,wasincapableofmovement。Anxiety,thenightwalk,andthemorning'snewshadprostratedme。Myfatherprofitedbythistotalprostrationofallmyfacultiestodemandofmeaformalpromisetoaccompanyhim。Ipromisedallthatheasked,forIwasincapableofsustainingadiscussion,andIneededsomeaffectiontohelpmetolive,afterwhathadhappened。Iwastoothankfulthatmyfatherwaswillingtoconsolemeundersuchacalamity。
  AllthatIrememberisthatonthatday,aboutfiveo'clock,hetookmewithhiminapost-chaise。Withoutawordtome,hehadhadmyluggagepackedandputupbehindthechaisewithhisown,andsohecarriedmeoff。IdidnotrealizewhatIwasdoinguntilthetownhaddisappearedandthesolitudeoftheroadrecalledtometheemptinessofmyheart。Thenmytearsagainbegantoflow。
  Myfatherhadrealizedthatwords,evenfromhim,woulddonothingtoconsoleme,andheletmeweepwithoutsayingaword,onlysometimespressingmyhand,asiftoremindmethatIhadafriendatmyside。
  AtnightIsleptalittle。IdreamedofMarguerite。
  Iwokewithastart,notrecallingwhyIwasinthecarriage。
  Thenthetruthcamebackuponme,andIletmyheadsinkonmybreast。Idarednotsayanythingtomyfather。Iwasafraidhewouldsay,"YouseeIwasrightwhenIdeclaredthatthiswomandidnotloveyou。"Buthedidnotusehisadvantage,andwereachedC。withouthishavingsaidanythingtomeexcepttospeakofmattersquiteapartfromtheeventwhichhadoccasionedmyleavingParis。
  WhenIembracedmysister,IrememberedwhatMargueritehadsaidaboutherinherletter,andIsawatoncehowlittlemysister,goodasshewas,wouldbeabletomakemeforgetmymistress。
  Shootinghadbegun,andmyfatherthoughtthatitwouldbeadistractionforme。Hegotupshootingpartieswithfriendsandneighbours。Iwentwithouteitherreluctanceorenthusiasm,withthatsortofapathyintowhichIhadsunksincemydeparture。
  WewerebeatingaboutforgameandIwasgivenmypost。Iputdownmyunloadedgunatmyside,andmeditated。Iwatchedthecloudspass。Iletmythoughtwanderoverthesolitaryplains,andfromtimetotimeIheardsomeonecalltomeandpointtoaharenottenpacesoff。Noneofthesedetailsescapedmyfather,andhewasnotdeceivedbymyexteriorcalm。Hewaswellawarethat,brokenasInowwas,Ishouldsomedayexperienceaterriblereaction,whichmightbedangerous,and,withoutseemingtomakeanyefforttoconsoleme,hedidhisutmosttodistractmythoughts。
  Mysister,naturally,knewnothingofwhathadhappened,andshecouldnotunderstandhowitwasthatI,whohadformerlybeensolighthearted,hadsuddenlybecomesosadanddreamy。
  Sometimes,surprisinginthemidstofmysadnessmyfather'sanxiousscrutiny,Ipressedhishandasiftoaskhimtacitlytoforgivemeforthepainwhich,inspiteofmyself,Iwasgivinghim。
  Thusamonthpassed,butattheendofthattimeIcouldendureitnolonger。ThememoryofMargueritepursuedmeunceasingly。I
  hadloved,IstilllovedthiswomansomuchthatIcouldnotsuddenlybecomeindifferenttoher。Ihadtoloveortohateher。
  Aboveall,whateverIfeltforher,Ihadtoseeheragain,andatonce。Thisdesirepossessedmymind,andwithalltheviolenceofawillwhichhadbeguntoreassertitselfinabodysolonginert。
  ItwasnotenoughformetoseeMargueriteinamonth,aweek。I
  hadtoseehertheverynextdayafterthedaywhenthethoughthadoccurredtome;andIwenttomyfatherandtoldhimthatI
  hadbeencalledtoParisonbusiness,butthatIshouldreturnpromptly。Nodoubtheguessedthereasonofmydeparture,forheinsistedthatIshouldstay,but,seeingthatifIdidnotcarryoutmyintentiontheconsequences,inthestateinwhichIwas,mightbefatal,heembracedme,andbeggedme,almost,withtears,toreturnwithoutdelay。
  IdidnotsleeponthewaytoParis。Oncethere,whatwasIgoingtodo?Ididnotknow;IonlyknewthatitmustbesomethingconnectedwithMarguerite。Iwenttomyroomstochangemyclothes,and,astheweatherwasfineanditwasstillearly,I
  mademywaytotheChamps-Elysees。AttheendofhalfanhourI
  sawMarguerite'scarriage,atsomedistance,comingfromtheRond-PointtothePlacedelaConcorde。Shehadrepurchasedherhorses,forthecarriagewasjustasIwasaccustomedtoseeit,butshewasnotinit。ScarcelyhadInoticedthisfact,whenlookingaroundme,IsawMargueriteonfoot,accompaniedbyawomanwhomIhadneverseen。
  Asshepassedmesheturnedpale,andanervoussmiletightenedaboutherlips。Formypart,myheartbeatviolentlyinmybreast;butIsucceededingivingacoldexpressiontomyface,asIbowedcoldlytomyformermistress,whojustthenreachedhercarriage,intowhichshegotwithherfriend。
  IknewMarguerite:thisunexpectedmeetingmustcertainlyhaveupsether。NodoubtshehadheardthatIhadgoneaway,andhadthusbeenreassuredastotheconsequencesofourrupture;but,seeingmeagaininParis,findingherselffacetofacewithme,paleasIwas,shemusthaverealizedthatIhadnotreturnedwithoutpurpose,andshemusthaveaskedherselfwhatthatpurposewas。
  IfIhadseenMargueriteunhappy,if,inrevengingmyselfuponher,Icouldhavecometoheraid,Ishouldperhapshaveforgivenher,andcertainlyIshouldhaveneverdreamtofdoingheraninjury。ButIfoundherapparentlyhappy,someoneelsehadrestoredtohertheluxurywhichIcouldnotgiveher;herbreakingwithmeseemedtoassumeacharacterofthebasestself-interest;Iwasloweredinmyownesteemaswellasinmylove。IresolvedthatsheshouldpayforwhatIhadsuffered。
  Icouldnotbeindifferenttowhatshedid,consequentlywhatwouldhurtherthemostwouldbemyindifference;itwas,therefore,thissentimentwhichImustaffect,notonlyinhereyes,butintheeyesofothers。
  Itriedtoputonasmilingcountenance,andIwenttocallonPrudence。Themaidannouncedme,andIhadtowaitafewminutesinthedrawing-room。AtlastMme。Duvernoyappearedandaskedmeintoherboudoir;asIseatedmyselfIheardthedrawing-roomdooropen,alightfootstepmadethefloorcreakandthefrontdoorwasclosedviolently。
  "Iamdisturbingyou,"IsaidtoPrudence。
  "Notintheleast。Margueritewasthere。Whensheheardyouannounced,shemadeherescape;itwasshewhohasjustgoneout。"
  "Issheafraidofmenow?"
  "No。butsheisafraidthatyouwouldnotwishtoseeher。"
  "Butwhy?"Isaid,drawingmybreathwithdifficulty,forIwaschokedwithemotion。"Thepoorgirlleftmeforhercarriage,herfurniture,andherdiamonds;shedidquiteright,andIdon'tbearheranygrudge。Imetherto-day,"Icontinuedcarelessly。
  "Where?"askedPrudence,lookingatmeandseemingtoaskherselfifthiswasthesamemanwhomshehadknownsomadlyinlove。
  "IntheChamps-Elysees。Shewaswithanotherwoman,verypretty。
  Whoisshe?"
  "Whatwasshelike?"
  "Blonde,slender,withsidecurls;blueeyes;veryelegant。"
  "Ali!ItwasOlympe;sheisreallyverypretty。"
  "Whomdoesshelivewith?"
  "Withnobody;withanybody。"
  "Wheredoesshelive?"
  "RueTroncliet,No。——。Doyouwanttomakelovetoher?"
  "Oneneverknows。"
  "AndMarguerite?"
  "IshouldhardlytellyouthetruthifIsaidIthinknomoreabouther;butIamoneofthosewithwhomeverythingdependsonthewayinwhichonebreakswiththem。NowMargueriteendedwithmesolightlythatIrealizeIwasagreatfooltohavebeenasmuchinlovewithherasIwas,forIwasreallyverymuchinlovewiththatgirl。"
  YoucanimaginethewayinwhichIsaidthat;thesweatbrokeoutonmyforehead。
  "Shewasveryfondofyou,youknow,andshestillis;theproofis,thataftermeetingyouto-day,shecamestraighttotellmeaboutit。Whenshegothereshewasallofatremble;Ithoughtshewasgoingtofaint。"
  "Well,whatdidshesay?"
  "Shesaid,'Heissuretocomehere,'andshebeggedmetoaskyoutoforgiveher。"
  "Ihaveforgivenher,youmaytellher。Shewasagoodgirl;but,afterall,liketheothers,andIoughttohaveexpectedwhathappened。Iamevengratefultoher,forIseenowwhatwouldhavehappenedifIhadlivedwithheraltogether。Itwasridiculous。"
  "Shewillbeverygladtofindthatyoutakeitsowell。Itwasquitetimesheleftyou,mydearfellow。Therascalofanagenttowhomshehadofferedtosellherfurniturewentaroundtohercreditorstofindouthowmuchsheowed;theytookfright,andintwodaysshewouldhavebeensoldup。"
  "Andnowitisallpaid?"
  "Moreorless。"
  "Andwhohassuppliedthemoney?"
  "TheComtedeN。Ah,mydearfriend,therearemenmadeonpurposeforsuchoccasions。Tocutalongstoryshorthegavehertwentythousandfrancs,buthehashadhiswayatlast。HeknowsquitewellthatMargueriteisnotinlovewithhim;butheisverynicewithherallthesame。Asyouhaveseen,hehasrepurchasedherhorses,hehastakenherjewelsoutofpawn,andhegivesherasmuchmoneyasthedukeusedtogiveher;ifshelikestolivequietly,hewillstaywithheralongtime。"
  "Andwhatisshedoing?IsshelivinginParisaltogether?"
  "ShewouldnevergobacktoBougivalafteryouwent。Ihadtogomyselfandseeafterallherthings,andyours,too。Imadeapackageofthemandyoucansendhereforthem。Youwillfindeverything,exceptalittlecasewithyourinitials。Margueritewantedtokeepit。Ifyoureallywantit,Iwillaskherforit。"
  "Letherkeepit,"Istammered,forIfeltthetearsrisefrommyhearttomyeyesattherecollectionofthevillagewhereIhadbeensohappy,andatthethoughtthatMargueritecaredtokeepsomethingwhichhadbelongedtomeandwouldrecallmetoher。Ifshehadenteredatthatmomentmythoughtsofvengeancewouldhavedisappeared,andIshouldhavefallenatherfeet。
  "Fortherest,"continuedPrudence,"Ineversawherassheisnow;shehardlytakesanysleep,shegoestoalltheballs,shegoestosuppers,sheevendrinks。Theotherday,afterasupper,shehadtostayinbedforaweek;andwhenthedoctorlethergetup,shebeganagainattheriskofherlife。Shallyougoandseeher?"
  "Whatisthegood?Icametoseeyou,becauseyouhavealwaysbeencharmingtome,andIknewyoubeforeIeverknewMarguerite。IoweittoyouthatIhavebeenherlover,andalso,don'tI,thatIamherlovernolonger?"
  "Well,IdidallIcouldtogetherawayfromyou,andIbelieveyouwillbethankfultomelateron。"
  Ioweyouadoublegratitude,"Iadded,rising,forIwasdisgustedwiththewoman,seeinghertakeeverywordIsaidtoherasifitwereserious。
  "Youaregoing?"
  "Yes。"
  Ihadlearnedenough。
  "WhenshallIbeseeingyou?"
  "Soon。Good-bye。"
  "Good-bye。"
  Prudencesawmetothedoor,andIwentbacktomyownroomswithtearsofrageinmyeyesandadesireforvengeanceinmyheart。
  SoMargueritewasnodifferentfromtheothers;sothesteadfastlovethatshehadhadformecouldnotresistthedesireofreturningtoherformerlife,andtheneedofhavingacarriageandplungingintodissipation。SoIsaidtomyself,asIlayawakeatnightthoughifIhadreflectedascalmlyasIprofessedtoIshouldhaveseeninthisnewandturbulentlifeofMargueritetheattempttosilenceaconstantthought,aceaselessmemory。Unfortunately,evilpassionhadtheupperhand,andI
  onlysoughtforsomemeansofavengingmyselfonthepoorcreature。Oh,howpettyandvileismanwhenheiswoundedinoneofhisnarrowpassions!
  ThisOlympewhomIhadseenwas,ifnotafriendofMarguerite,atalleventsthewomanwithwhomshewasmostoftenseensinceherreturntoParis。Shewasgoingtogiveaball,and,asItookitforgrantedthatMargueritewouldbethere,Itriedtogetaninvitationandsucceeded。
  When,fullofmysorrowfulemotions,Iarrivedattheball,itwasalreadyveryanimated。Theyweredancing,shoutingeven,andinoneofthequadrillesIperceivedMargueritedancingwiththeComtedeN。,whoseemedproudofshowingheroff,asifhesaidtoeverybody:"Thiswomanismine。"
  Ileanedagainstthemantel-piecejustoppositeMargueriteandwatchedherdancing。Herfacechangedthemomentshecaughtsightofme。Isalutedhercasuallywithaglanceoftheeyesandawaveofthehand。
  WhenIreflectedthataftertheballshewouldgohome,notwithmebutwiththatrichfool,whenIthoughtofwhatwouldfollowtheirreturn,thebloodrosetomyface,andIfelttheneedofdoingsomethingtotroubletheirrelations。
  AfterthecontredanseIwentuptothemistressofthehouse,whodisplayedforthebenefitofherguestsadazzlingbosomandmagnificentshoulders。Shewasbeautiful,and,fromthepointofviewoffigure,morebeautifulthanMarguerite。IrealizedthisfactstillmoreclearlyfromcertainglanceswhichMargueritebestoweduponherwhileIwastalkingwithher。ThemanwhowastheloverofsuchawomanmightwellbeasproudasM。deN。,andshewasbeautifulenoughtoinspireapassionnotlessgreatthanthatwhichMargueritehadinspiredinme。Atthatmomentshehadnolover。Itwouldnotbedifficulttobecomeso;itdependedonlyonshowingenoughmoneytoattractherattention。
  Imadeupmymind。Thatwomanshouldbemymistress。Ibeganbydancingwithher。Halfanhourafterward,Marguerite,paleasdeath,putonherpelisseandlefttheball。
  Chapter24
  Itwassomethingalready,butitwasnotenough。IsawtheholdwhichIhaduponthiswoman,andItookacowardlyadvantageofit。
  WhenIthinkthatsheisdeadnow,IaskmyselfifGodwilleverforgivemeforthewrongIdidher。
  Afterthesupper,whichwasnoisyascouldbe,therewasgambling。IsatbythesideofOlympeandputdownmymoneysorecklesslythatshecouldnotbutnoticeme。InaninstantIhadgainedonehundredandfiftyortwohundredlouis,whichIspreadoutbeforemeonthetable,andonwhichshefastenedhereyesgreedily。
  Iwastheonlyonenotcompletelyabsorbedbythegame,andabletopayhersomeattention。AlltherestofthenightIgained,anditwasIwhogavehermoneytoplay,forshehadlostallshehadbeforeherandprobablyallshehadinthehouse。
  Atfiveinthemorning,theguestsdeparted。Ihadgainedthreehundredlouis。
  Alltheplayerswerealreadyontheirwaydownstairs;Iwastheonlyonewhohadremainedbehind,andasIdidnotknowanyofthem,noonenoticedit。Olympeherselfwaslightingtheway,andIwasgoingtofollowtheothers,when,turningback,Isaidtoher:
  "Imustspeaktoyou。"
  "To-morrow,"shesaid。
  "No,now。"
  "Whathaveyoutosay?"
  "Youwillsee。"
  AndIwentbackintotheroom。
  "Youhavelost,"Isaid。
  "Yes。
  "Allthatyouhadinthehouse?"
  Shehesitated。
  "Befrank。"
  "Well,itistrue。"
  "Ihavewonthreehundredlouis。Heretheyare,ifyouwillletmestayhereto-night。"
  AndIthrewthegoldonthetable。