Chapter21
"Atlastyouhavecome,"shesaid,throwingherarmsroundmyneck。"Buthowpaleyouare!"
Itoldherofthescenewithmyfather。
"MyGod!Iwasafraidofit,"shesaid。"WhenJosephcametotellyouofyourfather'sarrivalItrembledasifhehadbroughtnewsofsomemisfortune。Mypoorfriend,Iamthecauseofallyourdistress。Youwillbebetteroff,perhaps,ifyouleavemeanddonotquarrelwithyourfatheronmyaccount。Heknowsthatyouaresuretohaveamistress,andheoughttobethankfulthatitisI,sinceIloveyouanddonotwantmoreofyouthanyourpositionallows。Didyoutellhimhowwehadarrangedourfuture?"
"Yes;thatiswhatannoyedhimthemost,forhesawhowmuchwereallyloveoneanother。"
"Whatarewetodo,then?"
"Holdtogether,mygoodMarguerite,andletthestormpassover。"
"Willitpass?"
"Itwillhaveto。"
"Butyourfatherwillnotstopthere。"
"Whatdoyousupposehecando?"
"HowdoIknow?Everythingthatafathercandotomakehissonobeyhim。Hewillremindyouofmypastlife,andwillperhapsdomethehonourofinventingsomenewstory,sothatyoumaygivemeup。"
"YouknowthatIloveyou。"
"Yes,butwhatIknow,too,isthat,soonerorlater,youwillhavetoobeyyourfather,andperhapsyouwillendbybelievinghim。"
"No,Marguerite。ItisIwhowillmakehimbelieveme。Someofhisfriendshavebeentellinghimtaleswhichhavemadehimangry;butheisgoodandjust,hewillchangehisfirstimpression;andthen,afterall,whatdoesitmattertome?"
"Donotsaythat,Armand。Iwouldratheranythingshouldhappenthanthatyoushouldquarrelwithyourfamily;waittillafterto-day,andto-morrowgobacktoParis。Yourfather,too,willhavethoughtitoveronhisside,andperhapsyouwillbothcometoabetterunderstanding。Donotgoagainsthisprinciples,pretendtomakesomeconcessionstowhathewants;seemnottocaresoverymuchaboutme,andhewillletthingsremainastheyare。Hope,myfriend,andbesureofonething,thatwhateverhappens,Margueritewillalwaysbeyours。"
"Youswearit?"
"DoIneedtoswearit?"
Howsweetitistoletoneselfbepersuadedbythevoicethatoneloves!MargueriteandIspentthewholedayintalkingoverourprojectsforthefuture,asifwefelttheneedofrealizingthemasquicklyaspossible。Ateverymomentweawaitedsomeevent,butthedaypassedwithoutbringingusanynewtidings。
NextdayIleftatteno'clock,andreachedthehotelabouttwelve。Myfatherhadgoneout。
Iwenttomyownrooms,hopingthathehadperhapsgonethere。Noonehadcalled。Iwenttothesolicitor's。Noonewasthere。I
wentbacktothehotel,andwaitedtillsix。M。Duvaldidnotreturn,andIwentbacktoBougival。
IfoundMargueritenotwaitingforme,asshehadbeenthedaybefore,butsittingbythefire,whichtheweatherstillmadenecessary。ShewassoabsorbedinherthoughtsthatIcameclosetoherchairwithoutherhearingme。WhenIputmylipstoherforeheadshestartedasifthekisshadsuddenlyawakenedher。
"Youfrightenedme,"shesaid。"Andyourfather?"
"Ihavenotseenhim。Idonotknowwhatitmeans。Hewasnotathishotel,noranywherewheretherewasachanceofmyfindinghim。"
"Well,youmusttryagainto-morrow。"
"Iamverymuchinclinedtowaittillhesendsforme。IthinkI
havedoneallthatcanbeexpectedofme。"
"No,myfriend,itisnotenough;youmustcallonyourfatheragain,andyoumustcallto-morrow。"
"Whyto-morrowratherthananyotherday?"
"Because,"saidMarguerite,anditseemedtomethatsheblushedslightlyatthisquestion,"becauseitwillshowthatyouarethemorekeenaboutit,andhewillforgiveusthesooner。"
FortheremainderofthedayMargueritewassadandpreoccupied。
IhadtorepeattwiceovereverythingIsaidtohertoobtainananswer。Sheascribedthispreoccupationtoheranxietyinregardtotheeventswhichhadhappenedduringthelasttwodays。I
spentthenightinreassuringher,andshesentmeawayinthemorningwithaninsistentdisquietudethatIcouldnotexplaintomyself。
Againmyfatherwasabsent,buthehadleftthisletterforme:
"Ifyoucallagainto-day,waitformetillfour。IfIamnotinbyfour,comeanddinewithmeto-morrow。Imustseeyou。"
Iwaitedtillthehourhehadnamed,buthedidnotappear。I
returnedtoBougival。
ThenightbeforeIhadfoundMargueritesad;thatnightIfoundherfeverishandagitated。Onseeingme,sheflungherarmsaroundmyneck,butshecriedforalongtimeinmyarms。I
questionedherastothissuddendistress,whichalarmedmebyitsviolence。Shegavemenopositivereason,butputmeoffwiththoseevasionswhichawomanresortstowhenshewillnottellthetruth。
Whenshewasalittlecalmeddown,Itoldhertheresultofmyvisit,andIshowedhermyfather'sletter,fromwhich,Isaid,wemightaugurwell。Atthesightoftheletterandonhearingmycomment,hertearsbegantoflowsocopiouslythatIfearedanattackofnerves,and,callingNanine,Iputhertobed,wheresheweptwithoutaword,butheldmyhandsandkissedthemeverymoment。
IaskedNanineif,duringmyabsence,hermistresshadreceivedanyletterorvisitwhichcouldaccountforthestateinwhichI
foundher,butNaninerepliedthatnoonehadcalledandnothinghadbeensent。
Something,however,hadoccurredsincethedaybefore,somethingwhichtroubledmethemorebecauseMargueriteconcealeditfromme。
Intheeveningsheseemedalittlecalmer,and,makingmesitatthefootofthebed,shetoldmemanytimeshowmuchshelovedme。Shesmiledatme,butwithaneffort,forinspiteofherselfhereyeswereveiledwithtears。
Iusedeverymeanstomakeherconfesstherealcauseofherdistress,butshepersistedingivingmenothingbutvaguereasons,asIhavetoldyou。Atlastshefellasleepinmyarms,butitwasthesleepwhichtiresratherthanreststhebody。Fromtimetotimesheutteredacry,startedup,and,afterassuringherselfthatIwasbesideher,mademeswearthatIwouldalwaysloveher。
Icouldmakenothingoftheseintermittentparoxysmsofdistress,whichwentontillmorning。ThenMargueritefellintoakindofstupor。Shehadnotsleptfortwonights。
Herrestwasofshortduration,fortowardelevensheawoke,and,seeingthatIwasup,shelookedabouther,crying:
"Areyougoingalready?"
"No,"saidI,holdingherhands;"butIwantedtoletyousleepon。Itisstillearly。"
"WhattimeareyougoingtoParis?"
"Atfour。"
"Sosoon?Butyouwillstaywithmetillthen?"
"Ofcourse。DoInotalways?"
"Iamsoglad!Shallwehavelunch?"shewentonabsentmindedly。
"Ifyoulike。"
"Andthenyouwillbenicetometilltheverymomentyougo?"
"Yes;andIwillcomebackassoonasIcan。"
"Youwillcomeback?"shesaid,lookingatmewithhaggardeyes。
"Naturally。"
"Oh,yes,youwillcomebackto-night。Ishallwaitforyou,asI
alwaysdo,andyouwillloveme,andweshallbehappy,aswehavebeeneversincewehaveknowneachother。"
Allthesewordsweresaidinsuchastrainedvoice,theyseemedtohidesopersistentandsosorrowfulathought,thatItrembledeverymomentlestMargueriteshouldbecomedelirious。
"Listen,"Isaid。"Youareill。Icannotleaveyoulikethis。I
willwriteandtellmyfathernottoexpectme。"
"No,no,"shecriedhastily,"don'tdothat。Yourfatherwillaccusemeofhinderingyouagainfromgoingtoseehimwhenhewantstoseeyou;no,no,youmustgo,youmust!Besides,Iamnotill。Iamquitewell。Ihadabaddreamandamnotyetfullyawake。"
FromthatmomentMargueritetriedtoseemmorecheerful。Therewerenomoretears。
Whenthehourcameformetogo,Iembracedherandaskedherifshewouldcomewithmeasfarasthetrain;Ihopedthatthewalkwoulddistractherandthattheairwoulddohergood。Iwantedespeciallytobewithheraslongaspossible。
Sheagreed,putonhercloakandtookNaninewithher,soasnottoreturnalone。TwentytimesIwasonthepointofnotgoing。
Butthehopeofaspeedyreturn,andthefearofoffendingmyfatherstillmore,sustainedme,andItookmyplaceinthetrain。
"Tillthisevening!"IsaidtoMarguerite,asIlefther。Shedidnotreply。
Oncealreadyshehadnotrepliedtothesamewords,andtheComtedeG。,youwillremember,hadspentthenightwithher;butthattimewassofarawaythatitseemedtohavebeeneffacedfrommymemory,andifIhadanyfear,itwascertainlynotofMargueritebeingunfaithfultome。ReachingParis,IhastenedofftoseePrudence,intendingtoaskhertogoandkeepMargueritecompany,inthehopethathermirthandlivelinesswoulddistracther。I
enteredwithoutbeingannounced,andfoundPrudenceathertoilet。
"Ah!"shesaid,anxiously;"isMargueritewithyou?"
"No。"
"Howisshe?"
"Sheisnotwell。"
"Isshenotcoming?"
"Didyouexpecther?"
MadameDuvernoyreddened,andreplied,withacertainconstraint:
"IonlymeantthatsinceyouareatParis,isshenotcomingtojoinyou?"
"No。"
IlookedatPrudence;shecastdownhereyes,andIreadinherfacethefearofseeingmyvisitprolonged。
"Ievencametoaskyou,mydearPrudence,ifyouhavenothingtodothisevening,togoandseeMarguerite;youwillbecompanyforher,andyoucanstaythenight。Ineversawherasshewasto-day,andIamafraidsheisgoingtobeill。"
"Iamdiningintown,"repliedPrudence,"andIcan'tgoandseeMargueritethisevening。Iwillseehertomorrow。"
ItookleaveofMme。Duvernoy,whoseemedalmostaspreoccupiedasMarguerite,andwentontomyfather's;hisfirstglanceseemedtostudymeattentively。Heheldouthishand。
"Yourtwovisitshavegivenmepleasure,Armand,"hesaid;"theymakemehopethatyouhavethoughtoverthingsonyoursideasI
haveonmine。"
"MayIaskyou,father,whatwastheresultofyourreflection?"
"Theresult,mydearboy,isthatIhaveexaggeratedtheimportanceofthereportsthathadbeenmadetome,andthatI
havemadeupmymindtobelessseverewithyou。"
"Whatareyousaying,father?"Icriedjoyously。
"Isay,mydearchild,thateveryyoungmanmusthavehismistress,andthat,fromthefreshinformationIhavehad,I
wouldratherseeyoutheloverofMlle。Gautierthanofanyoneelse。"
"Mydearfather,howhappyyoumakeme!"
Wetalkedinthismannerforsomemoments,andthensatdowntotable。Myfatherwascharmingalldinnertime。
IwasinahurrytogetbacktoBougivaltotellMargueriteaboutthisfortunatechange,andIlookedattheclockeverymoment。
"Youarewatchingthetime,"saidmyfather,"andyouareimpatienttoleaveme。Oyoungpeople,howyoualwayssacrificesinceretodoubtfulaffections!"
"Donotsaythat,father;Margueritelovesme,Iamsureofit。"
Myfatherdidnotanswer;heseemedtosayneitheryesnorno。
HewasveryinsistentthatIshouldspendthewholeeveningwithhimandnotgotillthemorning;butMargueritehadnotbeenwellwhenIlefther。Itoldhimofit,andbeggedhispermissiontogobacktoherearly,promisingtocomeagainonthemorrow。
Theweatherwasfine;hewalkedwithmeasfarasthestation。
NeverhadIbeensohappy。ThefutureappearedasIhadlongdesiredtoseeit。IhadneverlovedmyfatherasIlovedhimatthatmoment。
JustasIwasleavinghim,heoncemorebeggedmetostay。I
refused。
"Youarereallyverymuchinlovewithher?"heasked。
"Madly。"
"Go,then,"andhepassedhishandacrosshisforeheadasiftochaseathought,thenopenedhismouthasiftosaysomething;
butheonlypressedmyhand,andleftmehurriedly,saying:
"Tillto-morrow,then!"
Chapter22
Itseemedtomeasifthetraindidnotmove。IreachedBougivalateleven。
Notawindowinthehousewaslightedup,andwhenIrangnooneansweredthebell。Itwasthefirsttimethatsuchathinghadoccurredtome。Atlastthegardenercame。Ientered。Naninemetmewithalight。IwenttoMarguerite'sroom。
"Whereismadame?"
"GonetoParis,"repliedNanine。
"ToParis!"
"Yes,sir。"
"When?"
"Anhourafteryou。"
"Sheleftnowordforme?"
"Nothing。"
Nanineleftme。
Perhapsshehadsomesuspicionorother,Ithought,andwenttoParistomakesurethatmyvisittomyfatherwasnotanexcuseforadayoff。PerhapsPrudencewrotetoheraboutsomethingimportant。IsaidtomyselfwhenIwasalone;butIsawPrudence;
shesaidnothingtomakemesupposethatshehadwrittentoMarguerite。
AllatonceIrememberedMme。Duvernoy'squestion,"Isn'tshecomingto-day?"whenIhadsaidthatMargueritewasill。I
rememberedatthesametimehowembarrassedPrudencehadappearedwhenIlookedatherafterthisremark,whichseemedtoindicateanappointment。Iremembered,too,Marguerite'stearsalldaylong,whichmyfather'skindreceptionhadratherputoutofmymind。Fromthismomentalltheincidentsgroupedthemselvesaboutmyfirstsuspicion,andfixeditsofirmlyinmymindthateverythingservedtoconfirmit,evenmyfather'skindness。
MargueritehadalmostinsistedonmygoingtoParis;shehadpretendedtobecalmerwhenIhadproposedstayingwithher。HadIfallenintosometrap?WasMargueritedeceivingme?Hadshecountedonbeingbackintimeformenottoperceiveherabsence,andhadshebeendetainedbychance?WhyhadshesaidnothingtoNanine,orwhyhadshenotwritten?Whatwasthemeaningofthosetears,thisabsence,thismystery?
ThatiswhatIaskedmyselfinaffright,asIstoodinthevacantroom,gazingattheclock,whichpointedtomidnight,andseemedtosaytomethatitwastoolatetohopeformymistress'sreturn。Yet,afterallthearrangementswehadjustmade,afterthesacrificesthathadbeenofferedandaccepted,wasitlikelythatshewasdeceivingme?No。Itriedtogetridofmyfirstsupposition。
Probablyshehadfoundapurchaserforherfurniture,andshehadgonetoParistoconcludethebargain。Shedidnotwishtotellmebeforehand,forsheknewthat,thoughIhadconsentedtoit,thesale,sonecessarytoourfuturehappiness,waspainfultome,andshefearedtowoundmyself-respectinspeakingtomeaboutit。Shewouldrathernotseemetillthewholethingwasdone,andthatwasevidentlywhyPrudencewasexpectingherwhensheletoutthesecret。Margueritecouldnotfinishthewholebusinessto-day,andwasstayingthenightwithPrudence,orperhapsshewouldcomeevennow,forshemustknowbowanxiousI
shouldbe,andwouldnotwishtoleavemeinthatcondition。But,ifso,whythosetears?Nodoubt,despiteherloveforme,thepoorgirlcouldnotmakeuphermindtogiveupalltheluxuryinwhichshehadliveduntilnow,andforwhichshehadbeensoenvied,withoutcryingoverit。Iwasquitereadytoforgiveherforsuchregrets。Iwaitedforherimpatiently,thatImightsaytoher,asIcoveredherwithkisses,thatIhadguessedthereasonofhermysteriousabsence。
Nevertheless,thenightwenton,andMargueritedidnotreturn。
Myanxietytighteneditscirclelittlebylittle,andbegantooppressmyheadandheart。Perhapssomethinghadhappenedtoher。
Perhapsshewasinjured,ill,dead。Perhapsamessengerwouldarrivewiththenewsofsomedreadfulaccident。Perhapsthedaylightwouldfindmewiththesameuncertaintyandwiththesamefears。
TheideathatMargueritewasperhapsunfaithfultomeattheverymomentwhenIwaitedforherinterroratherabsencedidnotreturntomymind。Theremustbesomecause,independentofherwill,tokeepherawayfromme,andthemoreIthought,themoreconvincedIwasthatthiscausecouldonlybesomemishaporother。Ovanityofman,comingbacktousineveryform!
Oneo'clockstruck。IsaidtomyselfthatIwouldwaitanotherhour,butthatattwoo'clock,ifMargueritehadnotreturned,I
wouldsetoutforParis。MeanwhileIlookedaboutforabook,forIdarednotthink。ManonLescautwasopenonthetable。Itseemedtomethathereandtherethepageswerewetasifwithtears。I
turnedtheleavesoverandthenclosedthebook,forthelettersseemedtomevoidofmeaningthroughtheveilofmydoubts。
Timewentslowly。Theskywascoveredwithclouds。Anautumnrainlashedthewindows。Theemptybedseemedatmomentstoassumetheaspectofatomb。Iwasafraid。
Iopenedthedoor。Ilistened,andheardnothingbutthevoiceofthewindinthetrees。Notavehiclewastobeseenontheroad。
Thehalfhoursoundedsadlyfromthechurchtower。
Ibegantofearlestsomeoneshouldenter。Itseemedtomethatonlyadisastercouldcomeatthathourandunderthatsombresky。
Twoo'clockstruck。Istillwaitedalittle。Onlythesoundofthebelltroubledthesilencewithitsmonotonousandrhythmicalstroke。
AtlastIlefttheroom,whereeveryobjecthadassumedthatmelancholyaspectwhichtherestlesssolitudeoftheheartgivestoallitssurroundings。
InthenextroomIfoundNaninesleepingoverherwork。Atthesoundofthedoor,sheawokeandaskedifhermistresshadcomein。
"No;butifshecomesin,tellherthatIwassoanxiousthatI
hadtogotoParis。"
"Atthishour?"
"Yes。
"Buthow?Youwon'tfindacarriage。"
"Iwillwalk。"
"Butitisraining。"
"Nomatter。"
"Butmadamewillbecomingback,orifshedoesn'tcomeitwillbetimeenoughinthemorningtogoandseewhathaskepther。
Youwillbemurderedontheway。"
"Thereisnodanger,mydearNanine;Iwillseeyouto-morrow。"
Thegoodgirlwentandgotmeacloak,putitovermyshoulders,andofferedtowakeupMme。Arnouldtoseeifavehiclecouldbeobtained;butIwouldhearofnothing,convincedasIwasthatI
shouldlose,inaperhapsfruitlessinquiry,moretimethanI
shouldtaketocoverhalftheroad。Besides,Ifelttheneedofairandphysicalfatigueinordertocooldowntheover-
excitementwhichpossessedme。
ItookthekeyoftheflatintheRued'Antin,andaftersayinggood-byetoNanine,whocamewithmeasfarasthegate,Isetout。
AtfirstIbegantorun,buttheearthwasmuddywithrain,andI
fatiguedmyselfdoubly。AttheendofhalfanhourIwasobligedtostop,andIwasdrenchedwithsweat。Irecoveredmybreathandwenton。ThenightwassodarkthatateverystepIfearedtodashmyselfagainstoneofthetreesontheroadside,whichroseupsharplybeforemelikegreatphantomsrushinguponme。
Iovertookoneortwowagons,whichIsoonleftbehind。A
carriagewasgoingatfullgalloptowardBougival。AsitpassedmethehopecametomethatMargueritewasinit。Istoppedandcriedout,"Marguerite!Marguerite!"Butnooneansweredandthecarriagecontinueditscourse。Iwatcheditfadeawayinthedistance,andthenstartedonmywayagain。ItooktwohourstoreachtheBarrieredel'Etoile。ThesightofParisrestoredmystrength,andIranthewholelengthofthealleyIhadsooftenwalked。
Thatnightnoonewaspassing;itwaslikegoingthroughthemidstofadeadcity。Thedawnbegantobreak。WhenIreachedtheRued'Antinthegreatcitystirredalittlebeforequiteawakening。Fiveo'clockstruckatthechurchofSaintRochatthemomentwhenIenteredMarguerite'shouse。Icalledoutmynametotheporter,whohadhadfrommeenoughtwenty-francpiecestoknowthatIhadtherighttocallonMlle。Gautieratfiveinthemorning。Ipassedwithoutdifficulty。ImighthaveaskedifMargueritewasathome,buthemighthavesaid"No,"andI
preferredtoremainindoubttwominuteslonger,for,aslongasIdoubted,therewasstillhope。
Ilistenedatthedoor,tryingtodiscoverasound,amovement。
Nothing。Thesilenceofthecountryseemedtobecontinuedhere。
Iopenedthedoorandentered。Allthecurtainswerehermeticallyclosed。Idrewthoseofthedining-roomandwenttowardthebed-roomandpushedopenthedoor。Isprangatthecurtaincordanddrewitviolently。Thecurtainopened,afaintlightmadeitswayin。Irushedtothebed。Itwasempty。
Iopenedthedoorsoneafteranother。Ivisitedeveryroom。Noone。Itwasenoughtodriveonemad。
Iwentintothedressing-room,openedthewindow,andcalledPrudenceseveraltimes。Mme。Duvernoy'swindowremainedclosed。
IwentdownstairstotheporterandaskedhimifMlle。Gautierhadcomehomeduringtheday。
"Yes,"answeredtheman;"withMme。Duvernoy。"
"Sheleftnowordforme?"
"No。"
"Doyouknowwhattheydidafterward?"
"Theywentawayinacarriage。"
"Whatsortofacarriage?"
"Aprivatecarriage。"
Whatcoulditallmean?
Irangatthenextdoor。
"Whereareyougoing,sir?"askedtheporter,whenhehadopenedtome。
"ToMme。Duvernoy's。"
"Shehasnotcomeback。"
"Youaresure?"
"Yes,sir;here'salettereven,whichwasbroughtforherlastnightandwhichIhavenotyetgivenher。"
AndtheportershowedmealetterwhichIglancedatmechanically。IrecognisedMarguerite'swriting。Itooktheletter。Itwasaddressed,"ToMme。Duvernoy,toforwardtoM。
Duval。"
"Thisletterisforme,"Isaidtotheporter,asIshowedhimtheaddress。
"YouareM。Duval?"hereplied。
"Yes。
"Ah!Iremember。YouoftencametoseeMme。Duvernoy。"
WhenIwasinthestreetIbrokethesealoftheletter。Ifathunder-bolthadfallenatmyfeetIshouldhavebeenlessstartledthanIwasbywhatIread。
"Bythetimeyoureadthisletter,Armand,Ishallbethemistressofanotherman。Allisoverbetweenus。
"Gobacktoyourfather,myfriend,andtoyoursister,andthere,bythesideofapureyounggirl,ignorantofallourmiseries,youwillsoonforgetwhatyouwouldhavesufferedthroughthatlostcreaturewhoiscalledMargueriteGautier,whomyouhavelovedforaninstant,andwhoowestoyoutheonlyhappymomentsofalifewhich,shehopes,willnotbeverylongnow。"
WhenIhadreadthelastword,IthoughtIshouldhavegonemad。
ForamomentIwasreallyafraidoffallinginthestreet。A
cloudpassedbeforemyeyesandmybloodbeatinmytemples。AtlastIcametomyselfalittle。Ilookedaboutme,andwasastonishedtoseethelifeofotherscontinuewithoutpausingatmydistress。
Iwasnotstrongenoughtoenduretheblowalone。ThenI
rememberedthatmyfatherwasinthesamecity,thatImightbewithhimintenminutes,andthat,whatevermightbethecauseofmysorrow,hewouldshareit。
Iranlikeamadman,likeathief,totheHoteldeParis;Ifoundthekeyinthedoorofmyfather'sroom;Ientered。Hewasreading。Heshowedsolittleastonishmentatseeingme,thatitwasasifhewasexpectingme。Iflungmyselfintohisarmswithoutsayingaword。IgavehimMarguerite'sletter,and,fallingonmykneesbesidehisbed,Iwepthottears。
Chapter23
Whenthecurrentoflifehadresumeditscourse,IcouldnotbelievethatthedaywhichIsawdawningwouldnotbelikethosewhichhadprecededit。ThereweremomentswhenIfanciedthatsomecircumstance,whichIcouldnotrecollect,hadobligedmetospendthenightawayfromMarguerite,butthat,ifIreturnedtoBougival,IshouldfindheragainasanxiousasIhadbeen,andthatshewouldaskmewhathaddetainedmeawayfromhersolong。
Whenone'sexistencehascontractedahabit,suchasthatofthislove,itseemsimpossiblethatthehabitshouldbebrokenwithoutatthesametimebreakingalltheotherspringsoflife。IwasforcedfromtimetotimetorereadMarguerite'sletter,inordertoconvincemyselfthatIhadnotbeendreaming。
Mybody,succumbingtothemoralshock,wasincapableofmovement。Anxiety,thenightwalk,andthemorning'snewshadprostratedme。Myfatherprofitedbythistotalprostrationofallmyfacultiestodemandofmeaformalpromisetoaccompanyhim。Ipromisedallthatheasked,forIwasincapableofsustainingadiscussion,andIneededsomeaffectiontohelpmetolive,afterwhathadhappened。Iwastoothankfulthatmyfatherwaswillingtoconsolemeundersuchacalamity。
AllthatIrememberisthatonthatday,aboutfiveo'clock,hetookmewithhiminapost-chaise。Withoutawordtome,hehadhadmyluggagepackedandputupbehindthechaisewithhisown,andsohecarriedmeoff。IdidnotrealizewhatIwasdoinguntilthetownhaddisappearedandthesolitudeoftheroadrecalledtometheemptinessofmyheart。Thenmytearsagainbegantoflow。
Myfatherhadrealizedthatwords,evenfromhim,woulddonothingtoconsoleme,andheletmeweepwithoutsayingaword,onlysometimespressingmyhand,asiftoremindmethatIhadafriendatmyside。
AtnightIsleptalittle。IdreamedofMarguerite。
Iwokewithastart,notrecallingwhyIwasinthecarriage。
Thenthetruthcamebackuponme,andIletmyheadsinkonmybreast。Idarednotsayanythingtomyfather。Iwasafraidhewouldsay,"YouseeIwasrightwhenIdeclaredthatthiswomandidnotloveyou。"Buthedidnotusehisadvantage,andwereachedC。withouthishavingsaidanythingtomeexcepttospeakofmattersquiteapartfromtheeventwhichhadoccasionedmyleavingParis。
WhenIembracedmysister,IrememberedwhatMargueritehadsaidaboutherinherletter,andIsawatoncehowlittlemysister,goodasshewas,wouldbeabletomakemeforgetmymistress。
Shootinghadbegun,andmyfatherthoughtthatitwouldbeadistractionforme。Hegotupshootingpartieswithfriendsandneighbours。Iwentwithouteitherreluctanceorenthusiasm,withthatsortofapathyintowhichIhadsunksincemydeparture。
WewerebeatingaboutforgameandIwasgivenmypost。Iputdownmyunloadedgunatmyside,andmeditated。Iwatchedthecloudspass。Iletmythoughtwanderoverthesolitaryplains,andfromtimetotimeIheardsomeonecalltomeandpointtoaharenottenpacesoff。Noneofthesedetailsescapedmyfather,andhewasnotdeceivedbymyexteriorcalm。Hewaswellawarethat,brokenasInowwas,Ishouldsomedayexperienceaterriblereaction,whichmightbedangerous,and,withoutseemingtomakeanyefforttoconsoleme,hedidhisutmosttodistractmythoughts。
Mysister,naturally,knewnothingofwhathadhappened,andshecouldnotunderstandhowitwasthatI,whohadformerlybeensolighthearted,hadsuddenlybecomesosadanddreamy。
Sometimes,surprisinginthemidstofmysadnessmyfather'sanxiousscrutiny,Ipressedhishandasiftoaskhimtacitlytoforgivemeforthepainwhich,inspiteofmyself,Iwasgivinghim。
Thusamonthpassed,butattheendofthattimeIcouldendureitnolonger。ThememoryofMargueritepursuedmeunceasingly。I
hadloved,IstilllovedthiswomansomuchthatIcouldnotsuddenlybecomeindifferenttoher。Ihadtoloveortohateher。
Aboveall,whateverIfeltforher,Ihadtoseeheragain,andatonce。Thisdesirepossessedmymind,andwithalltheviolenceofawillwhichhadbeguntoreassertitselfinabodysolonginert。
ItwasnotenoughformetoseeMargueriteinamonth,aweek。I
hadtoseehertheverynextdayafterthedaywhenthethoughthadoccurredtome;andIwenttomyfatherandtoldhimthatI
hadbeencalledtoParisonbusiness,butthatIshouldreturnpromptly。Nodoubtheguessedthereasonofmydeparture,forheinsistedthatIshouldstay,but,seeingthatifIdidnotcarryoutmyintentiontheconsequences,inthestateinwhichIwas,mightbefatal,heembracedme,andbeggedme,almost,withtears,toreturnwithoutdelay。
IdidnotsleeponthewaytoParis。Oncethere,whatwasIgoingtodo?Ididnotknow;IonlyknewthatitmustbesomethingconnectedwithMarguerite。Iwenttomyroomstochangemyclothes,and,astheweatherwasfineanditwasstillearly,I
mademywaytotheChamps-Elysees。AttheendofhalfanhourI
sawMarguerite'scarriage,atsomedistance,comingfromtheRond-PointtothePlacedelaConcorde。Shehadrepurchasedherhorses,forthecarriagewasjustasIwasaccustomedtoseeit,butshewasnotinit。ScarcelyhadInoticedthisfact,whenlookingaroundme,IsawMargueriteonfoot,accompaniedbyawomanwhomIhadneverseen。
Asshepassedmesheturnedpale,andanervoussmiletightenedaboutherlips。Formypart,myheartbeatviolentlyinmybreast;butIsucceededingivingacoldexpressiontomyface,asIbowedcoldlytomyformermistress,whojustthenreachedhercarriage,intowhichshegotwithherfriend。
IknewMarguerite:thisunexpectedmeetingmustcertainlyhaveupsether。NodoubtshehadheardthatIhadgoneaway,andhadthusbeenreassuredastotheconsequencesofourrupture;but,seeingmeagaininParis,findingherselffacetofacewithme,paleasIwas,shemusthaverealizedthatIhadnotreturnedwithoutpurpose,andshemusthaveaskedherselfwhatthatpurposewas。
IfIhadseenMargueriteunhappy,if,inrevengingmyselfuponher,Icouldhavecometoheraid,Ishouldperhapshaveforgivenher,andcertainlyIshouldhaveneverdreamtofdoingheraninjury。ButIfoundherapparentlyhappy,someoneelsehadrestoredtohertheluxurywhichIcouldnotgiveher;herbreakingwithmeseemedtoassumeacharacterofthebasestself-interest;Iwasloweredinmyownesteemaswellasinmylove。IresolvedthatsheshouldpayforwhatIhadsuffered。
Icouldnotbeindifferenttowhatshedid,consequentlywhatwouldhurtherthemostwouldbemyindifference;itwas,therefore,thissentimentwhichImustaffect,notonlyinhereyes,butintheeyesofothers。
Itriedtoputonasmilingcountenance,andIwenttocallonPrudence。Themaidannouncedme,andIhadtowaitafewminutesinthedrawing-room。AtlastMme。Duvernoyappearedandaskedmeintoherboudoir;asIseatedmyselfIheardthedrawing-roomdooropen,alightfootstepmadethefloorcreakandthefrontdoorwasclosedviolently。
"Iamdisturbingyou,"IsaidtoPrudence。
"Notintheleast。Margueritewasthere。Whensheheardyouannounced,shemadeherescape;itwasshewhohasjustgoneout。"
"Issheafraidofmenow?"
"No。butsheisafraidthatyouwouldnotwishtoseeher。"
"Butwhy?"Isaid,drawingmybreathwithdifficulty,forIwaschokedwithemotion。"Thepoorgirlleftmeforhercarriage,herfurniture,andherdiamonds;shedidquiteright,andIdon'tbearheranygrudge。Imetherto-day,"Icontinuedcarelessly。
"Where?"askedPrudence,lookingatmeandseemingtoaskherselfifthiswasthesamemanwhomshehadknownsomadlyinlove。
"IntheChamps-Elysees。Shewaswithanotherwoman,verypretty。
Whoisshe?"
"Whatwasshelike?"
"Blonde,slender,withsidecurls;blueeyes;veryelegant。"
"Ali!ItwasOlympe;sheisreallyverypretty。"
"Whomdoesshelivewith?"
"Withnobody;withanybody。"
"Wheredoesshelive?"
"RueTroncliet,No。——。Doyouwanttomakelovetoher?"
"Oneneverknows。"
"AndMarguerite?"
"IshouldhardlytellyouthetruthifIsaidIthinknomoreabouther;butIamoneofthosewithwhomeverythingdependsonthewayinwhichonebreakswiththem。NowMargueriteendedwithmesolightlythatIrealizeIwasagreatfooltohavebeenasmuchinlovewithherasIwas,forIwasreallyverymuchinlovewiththatgirl。"
YoucanimaginethewayinwhichIsaidthat;thesweatbrokeoutonmyforehead。
"Shewasveryfondofyou,youknow,andshestillis;theproofis,thataftermeetingyouto-day,shecamestraighttotellmeaboutit。Whenshegothereshewasallofatremble;Ithoughtshewasgoingtofaint。"
"Well,whatdidshesay?"
"Shesaid,'Heissuretocomehere,'andshebeggedmetoaskyoutoforgiveher。"
"Ihaveforgivenher,youmaytellher。Shewasagoodgirl;but,afterall,liketheothers,andIoughttohaveexpectedwhathappened。Iamevengratefultoher,forIseenowwhatwouldhavehappenedifIhadlivedwithheraltogether。Itwasridiculous。"
"Shewillbeverygladtofindthatyoutakeitsowell。Itwasquitetimesheleftyou,mydearfellow。Therascalofanagenttowhomshehadofferedtosellherfurniturewentaroundtohercreditorstofindouthowmuchsheowed;theytookfright,andintwodaysshewouldhavebeensoldup。"
"Andnowitisallpaid?"
"Moreorless。"
"Andwhohassuppliedthemoney?"
"TheComtedeN。Ah,mydearfriend,therearemenmadeonpurposeforsuchoccasions。Tocutalongstoryshorthegavehertwentythousandfrancs,buthehashadhiswayatlast。HeknowsquitewellthatMargueriteisnotinlovewithhim;butheisverynicewithherallthesame。Asyouhaveseen,hehasrepurchasedherhorses,hehastakenherjewelsoutofpawn,andhegivesherasmuchmoneyasthedukeusedtogiveher;ifshelikestolivequietly,hewillstaywithheralongtime。"
"Andwhatisshedoing?IsshelivinginParisaltogether?"
"ShewouldnevergobacktoBougivalafteryouwent。Ihadtogomyselfandseeafterallherthings,andyours,too。Imadeapackageofthemandyoucansendhereforthem。Youwillfindeverything,exceptalittlecasewithyourinitials。Margueritewantedtokeepit。Ifyoureallywantit,Iwillaskherforit。"
"Letherkeepit,"Istammered,forIfeltthetearsrisefrommyhearttomyeyesattherecollectionofthevillagewhereIhadbeensohappy,andatthethoughtthatMargueritecaredtokeepsomethingwhichhadbelongedtomeandwouldrecallmetoher。Ifshehadenteredatthatmomentmythoughtsofvengeancewouldhavedisappeared,andIshouldhavefallenatherfeet。
"Fortherest,"continuedPrudence,"Ineversawherassheisnow;shehardlytakesanysleep,shegoestoalltheballs,shegoestosuppers,sheevendrinks。Theotherday,afterasupper,shehadtostayinbedforaweek;andwhenthedoctorlethergetup,shebeganagainattheriskofherlife。Shallyougoandseeher?"
"Whatisthegood?Icametoseeyou,becauseyouhavealwaysbeencharmingtome,andIknewyoubeforeIeverknewMarguerite。IoweittoyouthatIhavebeenherlover,andalso,don'tI,thatIamherlovernolonger?"
"Well,IdidallIcouldtogetherawayfromyou,andIbelieveyouwillbethankfultomelateron。"
Ioweyouadoublegratitude,"Iadded,rising,forIwasdisgustedwiththewoman,seeinghertakeeverywordIsaidtoherasifitwereserious。
"Youaregoing?"
"Yes。"
Ihadlearnedenough。
"WhenshallIbeseeingyou?"
"Soon。Good-bye。"
"Good-bye。"
Prudencesawmetothedoor,andIwentbacktomyownroomswithtearsofrageinmyeyesandadesireforvengeanceinmyheart。
SoMargueritewasnodifferentfromtheothers;sothesteadfastlovethatshehadhadformecouldnotresistthedesireofreturningtoherformerlife,andtheneedofhavingacarriageandplungingintodissipation。SoIsaidtomyself,asIlayawakeatnightthoughifIhadreflectedascalmlyasIprofessedtoIshouldhaveseeninthisnewandturbulentlifeofMargueritetheattempttosilenceaconstantthought,aceaselessmemory。Unfortunately,evilpassionhadtheupperhand,andI
onlysoughtforsomemeansofavengingmyselfonthepoorcreature。Oh,howpettyandvileismanwhenheiswoundedinoneofhisnarrowpassions!
ThisOlympewhomIhadseenwas,ifnotafriendofMarguerite,atalleventsthewomanwithwhomshewasmostoftenseensinceherreturntoParis。Shewasgoingtogiveaball,and,asItookitforgrantedthatMargueritewouldbethere,Itriedtogetaninvitationandsucceeded。
When,fullofmysorrowfulemotions,Iarrivedattheball,itwasalreadyveryanimated。Theyweredancing,shoutingeven,andinoneofthequadrillesIperceivedMargueritedancingwiththeComtedeN。,whoseemedproudofshowingheroff,asifhesaidtoeverybody:"Thiswomanismine。"
Ileanedagainstthemantel-piecejustoppositeMargueriteandwatchedherdancing。Herfacechangedthemomentshecaughtsightofme。Isalutedhercasuallywithaglanceoftheeyesandawaveofthehand。
WhenIreflectedthataftertheballshewouldgohome,notwithmebutwiththatrichfool,whenIthoughtofwhatwouldfollowtheirreturn,thebloodrosetomyface,andIfelttheneedofdoingsomethingtotroubletheirrelations。
AfterthecontredanseIwentuptothemistressofthehouse,whodisplayedforthebenefitofherguestsadazzlingbosomandmagnificentshoulders。Shewasbeautiful,and,fromthepointofviewoffigure,morebeautifulthanMarguerite。IrealizedthisfactstillmoreclearlyfromcertainglanceswhichMargueritebestoweduponherwhileIwastalkingwithher。ThemanwhowastheloverofsuchawomanmightwellbeasproudasM。deN。,andshewasbeautifulenoughtoinspireapassionnotlessgreatthanthatwhichMargueritehadinspiredinme。Atthatmomentshehadnolover。Itwouldnotbedifficulttobecomeso;itdependedonlyonshowingenoughmoneytoattractherattention。
Imadeupmymind。Thatwomanshouldbemymistress。Ibeganbydancingwithher。Halfanhourafterward,Marguerite,paleasdeath,putonherpelisseandlefttheball。
Chapter24
Itwassomethingalready,butitwasnotenough。IsawtheholdwhichIhaduponthiswoman,andItookacowardlyadvantageofit。
WhenIthinkthatsheisdeadnow,IaskmyselfifGodwilleverforgivemeforthewrongIdidher。
Afterthesupper,whichwasnoisyascouldbe,therewasgambling。IsatbythesideofOlympeandputdownmymoneysorecklesslythatshecouldnotbutnoticeme。InaninstantIhadgainedonehundredandfiftyortwohundredlouis,whichIspreadoutbeforemeonthetable,andonwhichshefastenedhereyesgreedily。
Iwastheonlyonenotcompletelyabsorbedbythegame,andabletopayhersomeattention。AlltherestofthenightIgained,anditwasIwhogavehermoneytoplay,forshehadlostallshehadbeforeherandprobablyallshehadinthehouse。
Atfiveinthemorning,theguestsdeparted。Ihadgainedthreehundredlouis。
Alltheplayerswerealreadyontheirwaydownstairs;Iwastheonlyonewhohadremainedbehind,andasIdidnotknowanyofthem,noonenoticedit。Olympeherselfwaslightingtheway,andIwasgoingtofollowtheothers,when,turningback,Isaidtoher:
"Imustspeaktoyou。"
"To-morrow,"shesaid。
"No,now。"
"Whathaveyoutosay?"
"Youwillsee。"
AndIwentbackintotheroom。
"Youhavelost,"Isaid。
"Yes。
"Allthatyouhadinthehouse?"
Shehesitated。
"Befrank。"
"Well,itistrue。"
"Ihavewonthreehundredlouis。Heretheyare,ifyouwillletmestayhereto-night。"
AndIthrewthegoldonthetable。