Take，forinstance，oneofthemostdramaticreformsthathasbeencarriedthroughParliamentinthelifetimeofthisgeneration。Ithappenedshortlyafterthecoalstrike，ofunblessedmemory。Toyou，whohavebeenplungeduptotheneckineventsofamoretangledandtumbleddescription，thethingsIamgoingtotellyouofmayseemofsecondaryinterest，butafterallwehadtoliveinthemidstofthem。"
　　SirLulworthinterruptedhimselfforamomenttosayafewkindwordstotheliqueurbrandyhehadjusttasted，andthemresumedhisnarrative。
　　"Whetheronesympathiseswiththeagitationforfemalesuffrageornotonehastoadmitthatitspromotersshowedtirelessenergyandconsiderableenterpriseindevisingandputtingintoactionnewmethodsforaccomplishingtheirends。Asaruletheywereanuisanceandawearinesstotheflesh，butthereweretimeswhentheyvergedonthepicturesque。TherewasthefamousoccasionwhentheyenlivenedanddiversifiedthecustomarypageantryoftheRoyalprogresstoopenParliamentbylettingloosethousandsofparrots，whichhadbeencarefullytrainedtoscream'Votesforwomen，'andwhichcircledroundhisMajesty'scoachinaclamorouscloudofgreen，andgreyandscarlet。Itwasreallyratherastrikingepisodefromthespectacularpointofview；unfortunately，however，foritsdevisers，thesecretoftheirintentionshadnotbeenwellkept，andtheiropponentsletlooseatthesamemomentarivalswarmofparrots，whichscreeched'IDON'Tthink'andotherhostilecries，therebyrobbingthedemonstrationoftheunanimitywhichalonecouldhavemadeitpoliticallyimpressive。IntheprocessofrecapturethebirdslearnedaquantityofadditionallanguagewhichunfittedthemforfurtherserviceintheSuffragettecause；someofthegreenonesweresecuredbyardentHomeRulepropagandistsandtrainedtodisturbtheserenityofOrangemeetingsbypessimisticreflectionsonSirEdwardCarson'sdestinationinthelifetocome。Infact，thebirdinpoliticsisafactorthatseemstohavecometostay；
　　quiterecently，atapoliticalgatheringheldinadimly-lightedplaceofworship，thecongregationgavearespectfulhearingfornearlytenminutestoajackdawfromWapping，undertheimpressionthattheywerelisteningtotheChancelloroftheExchequer，whowaslateinarriving。"
　　"ButtheSuffragettes，"interruptedthenephew；"whatdidtheydonext？"
　　"Afterthebirdfiasco，"saidSirLulworth，"themilitantsectionmadeademonstrationofamoreaggressivenature；theyassembledinforceontheopeningdayoftheRoyalAcademyExhibitionanddestroyedsomethreeorfourhundredofthepictures。Thisprovedanevenworsefailurethantheparrotbusiness；everyoneagreedthattherewasalwaysfartoomanypicturesintheAcademyExhibition，andthedrasticweedingoutofafewhundredcanvaseswasregardedasapositiveimprovement。Moreover，fromtheartists'
　　pointofviewitwasrealisedthattheoutrageconstitutedasortofcompensationforthosewhoseworkswerepersistently'skied'，sinceoutofsightmeantalsooutofreach。AltogetheritwasoneofthemostsuccessfulandpopularexhibitionsthattheAcademyhadheldformanyyears。Thenthefairagitatorsfellbackonsomeoftheirearliermethods；theywrotesweetlyargumentativeplaystoprovethattheyoughttohavethevote，theysmashedwindowstoshowthattheymusthavethevote，andtheykickedCabinetMinisterstodemonstratethatthey'dbetterhavethevote，andstillthecoldlyreasonedorunreasonedreplywasthatthey'dbetternot。TheirplightmighthavebeensummedupinaperversionofGilbert'slines-
　　"Twentyvotelessmillionswe，Votelessallagainstourwill，TwentyyearshenceweshallbeTwentyvotelessmillionsstill。"
　　Andofcoursethegreatideafortheirmaster-strokeofstrategycamefromamasculinesource。LenaDubarri，whowasthecaptain-
　　generaloftheirthinkingdepartment，metWaldoOrpingtonintheMalloneafternoon，justatatimewhenthefortunesoftheCausewereattheirlowestebb。WaldoOrpingtonisafrivolouslittlefoolwhochirrupsatdrawing-roomconcertsandcanrecognisebitsfromdifferentcomposerswithoutreferringtotheprogramme，butallthesameheoccasionallyhasideas。Hedidn'tcareatwopennyfiddlestringabouttheCause，butheratherenjoyedtheideaofhavinghisfingerinthepoliticalpie。Alsoitispossible，thoughIshouldthinkhighlyimprobable，thatheadmiredLenaDubarri。
　　Anyhow，whenLenagavearathergloomyaccountoftheexistingstateofthingsintheSuffragetteWorld，Waldowasnotmerelysympatheticbutreadywithapracticalsuggestion。TurninghisgazewestwardalongtheMall，towardsthesettingsunandBuckinghamPalace，hewassilentforamoment，andthensaidsignificantly，'Youhaveexpendedyourenergiesandenterpriseonlaboursofdestruction；whyhasitneveroccurredtoyoutoattemptsomethingfarmoreterrific？'
　　"'Whatdoyoumean？'sheaskedhimeagerly。
　　"'Create。'
　　"'Doyoumeancreatedisturbances？We'vebeendoingnothingelseformonths，'shesaid。
　　"Waldoshookhishead，andcontinuedtolookwestwardalongtheMall。He'srathergoodatactinginanamateursortoffashion。
　　Lenafollowedhisgaze，andthenturnedtohimwithapuzzledlookofinquiry。
　　"'Exactly，'saidWaldo，inanswertoherlook。
　　"'But——howcanwecreate？'sheasked；'it'sbeendonealready。'
　　"'DoitAGAIN，'saidWaldo，'andagainandagain——'
　　"Beforehecouldfinishthesentenceshehadkissedhim。Shedeclaredafterwardsthathewasthefirstmanshehadeverkissed，andhedeclaredthatshewasthefirstwomanwhohadeverkissedhimintheMall，sotheybothsecuredarecordofakind。
　　"WithinthenextdayortwoanewdeparturewasnoticeableinSuffragettetactics。TheygaveupworryingMinistersandParliamentandtooktoworryingtheirownsympathisersandsupporters——forfunds。Theballot-boxwastemporarilyforgotteninthecultofthecollecting-box。Thedaughtersofthehorseleechwerenotmorepersistentintheirdemands，thefinanciersofthetotteringancienregimewerenotmoredesperateintheirexpedientsforraisingmoneythantheSuffragistworkersofallsectionsatthisjuncture，andinonewayandanother，byfairmeansandnormal，theyreallygottogetheraveryusefulsum。Whattheyweregoingtodowithitnooneseemedtoknow，noteventhosewhoweremostactiveincollectingwork。Thesecretonthisoccasionhadbeenwellkept。
　　Certaintransactionsthatleakedoutfromtimetotimeonlyaddedtothemysteryofthesituation。
　　"'Don'tyoulongtoknowwhatwearegoingtodowithourtreasurehoard？'LenaaskedthePrimeMinisteronedaywhenshehappenedtositnexttohimatawhistdriveattheChineseEmbassy。
　　"'Iwashopingyouweregoingtotryalittlepersonalbribery，'herespondedbanteringly，butsomegenuineanxietyandcuriositylaybehindthelightnessofhischaff；'ofcourseIknow，'headded，'thatyouhavebeenbuyingupbuildingsitesincommandingsituationsinandaroundtheMetropolis。Twoorthree，I'mtold，areontheroadtoBrighton，andanothernearAscot。Youdon'tmeantofortifythem，doyou？'
　　"'Somethingmoreinsidiousthanthat，'shesaid；'youcouldpreventusfrombuildingforts；youcan'tpreventusfromerectinganexactreplicaoftheVictoriaMemorialoneachofthosesites。They'reallprivateproperty，withnobuildingrestrictionsattached。'
　　"'Whichmemorial？'heasked；'nottheoneinfrontofBuckinghamPalace？Surelynotthatone？'
　　"'Thatone，'shesaid。
　　"'Mydearlady，'hecried，'youcan'tbeserious。Itisabeautifulandimposingworkofart——atanyrateoneisgettingaccustomedtoit，andevenifonedoesn'thappentoadmireitonecanalwayslookinanotherdirection。Butimaginewhatlifewouldbelikeifonesawthaterectionconfrontingonewhereveronewent。Imaginetheeffectonpeoplewithtired，harassednerveswhosawitthreetimesonthewaytoBrightonandthreetimesonthewayback。ImagineseeingitdominatethelandscapeatAscot，andtryingtokeepyoureyeoffitontheSandwichgolflinks。Whathaveyourcountrymendonetodeservesuchathing？'
　　"'Theyhaverefusedusthevote，'saidLenabitterly。
　　"ThePrimeMinisteralwaysdeclaredhimselfanopponentofanythingsavouringofpaniclegislation，buthebroughtaBillintoParliamentforthwithandsuccessfullyappealedtobothHousestopassitthroughallitsstageswithintheweek。Andthatishowwegotoneofthemostgloriousmeasuresofthecentury。"
　　"Ameasureconferringthevoteonwomen？"askedthenephew。
　　"Ohdear，no。AnActwhichmadeitapenaloffencetoerectcommemorativestatuaryanywherewithinthreemilesofapublichighway。"
　　EXCEPTINGMRS。PENTHERBY
　　ItwasReggieBruttle'sownideaforconvertingwhathadthreatenedtobeanalbinoelephantintoabeastofburdenthatshouldhelphimalongthestonyroadofhisfinances。"TheLimes，"whichhadcometohimbyinheritancewithoutanyaccompanyingprovisionforitsupkeep，wasoneofthosepretentious，unaccommodatingmansionswhichnonebutamanofwealthcouldaffordtolivein，andwhichnotonewealthymaninahundredwouldchooseonitsmerits。Itmighteasilylanguishintheestatemarketforyears，setroundwithnoticeboardsproclaimingit，intheeyesofascepticalworld，tobeaneminentlydesirableresidence。
　　Reggie'sschemewastoturnitintotheheadquartersofaprolongedcountry-houseparty，insessionduringthemonthsfromOctobertilltheendofMarch——apartyconsistingofyoungoryoungishpeopleofbothsexes，toopoortobeabletodomuchhuntingorshootingonaseriousscale，butkeenongettingtheirfillofgolf，bridge，dancing，andoccasionaltheatre-going。Noonewastobeonthefootingofapayingguest，buteveryonewastorankasapayinghost；acommitteewouldlookafterthecateringandexpenditure，andaninformalsub-committeewouldmakeitselfusefulinhelpingforwardtheamusementsideofthescheme。
　　Asitwasonlyanexperiment，therewastobeageneralagreementonthepartofthoseinvolvedinittobeaslenientandmutuallyhelpfultooneanotheraspossible。Alreadyapromisingnucleus，includingoneortwoyoungmarriedcouples，hadbeengottogether，andthethingseemedtobefairlylaunched。
　　"Withgoodmanagementandalittleunobtrusivehardwork，Ithinkthethingoughttobeasuccess，"saidReggie，andReggiewasoneofthosepeoplewhoarepainstakingfirstandoptimisticafterwards。
　　"Thereisonerockonwhichyouwillunfailinglycometogrief，manageyouneversowisely，"saidMajorDagberry，cheerfully；"thewomenwillquarrel。Mindyou，"continuedthisprophetofdisaster，"Idon'tsaythatsomeofthemenwon'tquarreltoo，probablytheywill；butthewomenareboundto。Youcan'tpreventit；it'sinthenatureofthesex。Thehandthatrocksthecradlerockstheworld，inavolcanicsense。Awomanwillendurediscomforts，andmakesacrifices，andgowithoutthingstoanheroicextent，buttheoneluxuryshewillnotgowithoutisherquarrels。Nomatterwhereshemaybe，orhowtransientherappearanceonascene，shewillinstalherfemininefeudsasassuredlyasaFrenchmanwouldconcoctsoupinthewasteoftheArcticregions。Atthecommencementofaseavoyage，beforethemaletravellerknowshalfadozenofhisfellowpassengersbysight，theaveragewomanwillhavestartedacoupleofenmities，andlaidinmaterialforoneortwomore——provided，ofcourse，thattherearesufficientwomenaboardtopermitquarrellingintheplural。Ifthere'snooneelseshewillquarrelwiththestewardess。Thisexperimentofyoursistorunforsixmonths；inlessthanfiveweekstherewillbewartotheknifedeclaringitselfinhalfadozendifferentdirections。"
　　"Oh，come，thereareonlyeightwomenintheparty；theywon'tpickquarrelsquitesosoonasthat，"protestedReggie。
　　"Theywon'talloriginatequarrels，perhaps，"concededtheMajor，"buttheywillalltakesides，andjustasChristmasisuponyou，withitsconventionsofpeaceandgoodwill，youwillfindyourselfinforaglacialepochofcold，unforgivinghostility，withanoccasionalEtnaflareofopenwarfare。Youcan'thelpit，oldboy；
　　but，atanyrate，youcan'tsayyouwerenotwarned。"
　　ThefirstfiveweeksoftheventurefalsifiedMajorDagberry'spredictionandjustifiedReggie'soptimism。Therewere，ofcourse，occasionalsmallbickerings，andtheexistenceofcertainjealousiesmightbedetectedbelowthesurfaceofeverydayintercourse；but，onthewhole，thewomenfolkgotonremarkablywelltogether。Therewas，however，anotableexception。IthadnottakenfiveweeksforMrs。Pentherbytogetherselfcordiallydislikedbythemembersofherownsex；fivedayshadbeenamplysufficient。Mostofthewomendeclaredthattheyhaddetestedherthemomenttheyseteyesonher；
　　butthatwasprobablyanafterthought。
　　Withthemenfolkshegotonwellenough，withoutbeingofthetypeofwomanwhocanonlybaskinmalesociety；neitherwasshelackinginthegeneralqualitieswhichmakeanindividualusefulanddesirableasamemberofaco-operativecommunity。Shedidnottryto"getthebetterof"herfellow-hostsbysnatchinglittleadvantagesorcleverlyevadingherjustcontributions；shewasnotinclinedtobeboringorsnobbishinthewayofpersonalreminiscence。Sheplayedafairgameofbridge，andhercard-roommannerswereirreproachable。Butwherevershecameincontactwithherownsexthelightofbattlekindledatonce；hertalentofarousinganimosityseemedtoborderonpositivegenius。
　　Whethertheobjectofherattentionswasthick-skinnedorsensitive，quick-temperedorgood-natured，Mrs。Pentherbymanagedtoachievethesameeffect。Sheexposedlittleweaknesses，sheproddedsoreplaces，shesnubbedenthusiasms，shewasgenerallyrightinamatterofargument，or，ifwrong，shesomehowcontrivedtomakeheradversaryappearfoolishandopinionated。Shedid，andsaid，horriblethingsinamatter-of-factinnocentway，andshedid，andsaid，matter-of-factinnocentthingsinahorribleway。Inshort，theunanimousfeminineverdictonherwasthatshewasobjectionable。
　　Therewasnoquestionoftakingsides，astheMajorhadanticipated；
　　infact，dislikeofMrs。Pentherbywasalmostabondofunionbetweentheotherwomen，andmorethanonethreateningdisagreementhadbeenrapidlydissipatedbyherobviousandmaliciousattemptstoinflameandextendit；andthemostirritatingthingaboutherwashersuccessfulassumptionofunruffledcomposureatmomentswhenthetempersofheradversarieswerewithdifficultykeptundercontrol。
　　ShemadehermostscathingremarksinthetoneofatubeconductorannouncingthatthenextstationisBromptonRoad——themeasured，listlesstoneofonewhoknowsheisright，butisutterlyindifferenttothefactthatheproclaims。
　　OnoneoccasionMrs。ValGwepton，whowasnotblessedwiththemostreposefuloftemperaments，fairlyletherselfgo，andgaveMrs。
　　Pentherbyavividandtruthfulresumeofheropinionofher。Theobjectofthisunpentstormofaccumulatedanimositywaitedpatientlyforalull，andthenremarkedquietlytotheangrylittlewoman-
　　"Andnow，mydearMrs。Gwepton，letmetellyousomethingthatI'vebeenwantingtosayforthelasttwoorthreeminutes，onlyyouwouldn'tgivenmeachance；you'vegotahairpindroppingoutontheleftside。Youthin-hairedwomenalwaysfinditdifficulttokeepyourhairpinsin。"
　　"Whatcanonedowithawomanlikethat？"Mrs。Valdemandedafterwardsofasympathisingaudience。
　　Ofcourse，Reggiereceivednumeroushintsastotheunpopularityofthisjarringpersonality。Hissister-in-lawopenlytackledhimonthesubjectofhermanyenormities。ReggielistenedwiththeattenuatedregretthatonebestowsonanearthquakedisasterinBoliviaoracropfailureinEasternTurkestan，eventswhichseemsodistantthatonecanalmostpersuadeoneselftheyhaven'thappened。
　　"Thatwomanhasgotsomeholdoverhim，"opinedhissister-in-law，darkly；"eithersheishelpinghimtofinancetheshow，andpresumesonthefact，orelse，whichHeavenforbid，he'sgotsomequeerinfatuationforher。Mendotakethemostextraordinaryfancies。"
　　Mattersnevercameexactlytoacrisis。Mrs。Pentherby，asasourceofpersonaloffence，spreadherselfoversowideanareathatnoonewomanofthepartyfeltimpelledtoriseupanddeclarethatsheabsolutelyrefusedtostayanotherweekinthesamehousewithher。
　　Whatiseverybody'stragedyisnobody'stragedy。Therewaseveracertainconsolationincomparingnotesastospecificactsofoffence。Reggie'ssister-in-lawhadtheaddedinterestoftryingtodiscoverthesecretbondwhichbluntedhiscondemnationofMrs。
　　Pentherby'slongcatalogueofmisdeeds。Therewaslittletogoonfromhismannertowardsherinpublic，butheremainedobstinatelyunimpressedbyanythingthatwassaidagainstherinprivate。
　　WiththeoneexceptionofMrs。Pentherby'sunpopularity，thehouse-
　　partyschemewasasuccessonitsfirsttrial，andtherewasnodifficultyaboutreconstructingitonthesamelinesforanotherwintersession。Itsohappenedthatmostofthewomenoftheparty，andtwoorthreeofthemen，wouldnotbeavailableonthisoccasion，butReggiehadlaidhisplanswellaheadandbookedplentyof"freshblood"forthedeparture。Itwouldbe，ifanything，ratheralargerpartythanbefore。
　　"I'msosorryIcan'tjointhiswinter，"saidReggie'ssister-in-
　　law，"butwemustgotoourcousinsinIreland；we'veputthemoffsooften。Whatashame！You'llhavenoneofthesamewomenthistime。"
　　"ExceptingMrs。Pentherby，"saidReggie，demurely。
　　"Mrs。Pentherby！SURELY，Reggie，you'renotgoingtobesoidioticastohavethatwomanagain！She'llsetallthewomen'sbacksupjustasshedidthistime。WhatISthismysteriousholdshe'sgooveryou？"
　　"She'sinvaluable，"saidReggie；"she'smyofficialquarreller。"
　　"Your——whatdidyousay？"gaspedhissister-in-law。
　　"Iintroducedherintothehouse-partyfortheexpresspurposeofconcentratingthefeudsandquarrellingthatwouldotherwisehavebrokenoutinalldirectionsamongthewomenkind。Ididn'tneedtheadviceandwarningofsundryfriendstoforeseethatweshouldn'tgetthroughsixmonthsofclosecompanionshipwithoutacertainamountofpeckingandsparring，soIthoughtthebestthingwastolocaliseandsteriliseitinoneprocess。Ofcourse，Imadeitwellworththelady'swhile，andasshedidn'tknowanyofyoufromAdam，andyoudon'tevenknowherrealname，shedidn'tmindgettingherselfdislikedinausefulcause。"
　　"Youmeantosayshewasintheknowallthetime？"
　　"Ofcourseshewas，andsowereoneortwoofthemen，soshewasabletohaveagoodlaughwithusbehindthesceneswhenshe'ddoneanythingparticularlyoutrageous。Andshereallyenjoyedherself。
　　Yousee，she'sinthepositionofpoorrelationinaratherpugnaciousfamily，andherlifehasbeenlargelyspentinsmoothingoverotherpeople'squarrels。Youcanimaginethewelcomereliefofbeingabletogoaboutsayinganddoingperfectlyexasperatingthingstoawholehousefulofwomen——andallinthecauseofpeace。"
　　"Ithinkyouarethemostodiouspersoninthewholeworld，"saidReggie'ssister-in-law。Whichwasnotstrictlytrue；morethananybody，morethanevershedislikedMrs。Pentherby。Itwasimpossibletocalculatehowmanyquarrelsthatwomanhaddoneheroutof。
　　MARK
　　AugustusMellowkentwasanovelistwithafuture；thatistosay，alimitedbutincreasingnumberofpeoplereadhisbooks，andthereseemedgoodreasontosupposethatifhesteadilycontinuedtoturnoutnovelsyearbyyearaprogressivelyincreasingcircleofreaderswouldacquiretheMellowkenthabit，anddemandhisworksfromthelibrariesandbookstalls。AttheinstigationofhispublisherhehaddiscardedthebaptismalAugustusandtakenthefrontnameofMark。
　　"Womenlikeanamethatsuggestssomeonestrongandsilent，ablebutunwillingtoanswerquestions。Augustusmerelysuggestsidlesplendour，butsuchanameasMarkMellowkent，besidesbeingalliterative，conjuresupavisionofsomeonestrongandbeautifulandgood，asortofblendofGeorgesCarpentierandtheReverendWhat's-his-name。"
　　OnemorninginDecemberAugustussatinhiswriting-room，atworkonthethirdchapterofhiseighthnovel。Hehaddescribedatsomelength，forthebenefitofthosewhocouldnotimagineit，whatarectorygardenlookslikeinJuly；hewasnowengagedindescribingatgreaterlengththefeelingsofayounggirl，daughterofalonglineofrectorsandarchdeacons，whenshediscoversforthefirsttimethatthepostmanisattractive。
　　"Theireyesmet，forabriefmoment，ashehandedhertwocircularsandthefatwrapper-boundbulkoftheEastEssexNews。Theireyesmet，forthemerestfractionofasecond，yetnothingcouldeverbequitethesameagain。Costwhatitmightshefeltthatshemustspeak，mustbreaktheintolerable，unrealsilencethathadfallenonthem。'Howisyourmother'srheumatism？'shesaid。"
　　Theauthor'slabourswerecutshortbythesuddenintrusionofamaidservant。
　　"Agentlemantoseeyou，sir，"saidthemaid，handingacardwiththenameCaiaphasDwelfinscribedonit；"saysit'simportant。"
　　Mellowkenthesitatedandyielded；theimportanceofthevisitor'smissionwasprobablyillusory，buthehadnevermetanyonewiththenameCaiaphasbefore。Itwouldbeatleastanewexperience。
　　Mr。Dwelfwasamanofindefiniteage；hishigh，narrowforehead，coldgreyeyes，anddeterminedmannerbespokeanunflinchingpurpose。Hehadalargebookunderhisarm，andthereseemedeveryprobabilitythathehadleftapackageofsimilarvolumesinthehall。Hetookaseatbeforeithadbeenofferedhim，placedthebookonthetable，andbegantoaddressMellowkentinthemannerofan"openletter。"
　　"Youarealiteraryman，theauthorofseveralwell-knownbooks——"
　　"Iamengageonabookatthepresentmoment——ratherbusilyengaged，"saidMellowkent，pointedly。
　　"Exactly，"saidtheintruder；"timewithyouisacommodityofconsiderableimportance。Minutes，even，havetheirvalue。"
　　"Theyhave，"agreedMellowkent，lookingathiswatch。
　　"That，"saidCaiaphas，"iswhythisbookthatIamintroducingtoyournoticeisnotabookthatyoucanaffordtobewithout。'RightHere'isindispensableforthewritingman；itisnoordinaryencyclopaedia，orIshouldnottroubletoshowittoyou。Itisaninexhaustiblemineofconciseinformation——"
　　"Onashelfatmyelbow，"saidtheauthor，"IhavearowofreferencebooksthatsupplymewithalltheinformationIamlikelytorequire。"
　　"Here，"persistedthewould-besalesman，"youhaveitallinonecompactvolume。Nomatterwhatthesubjectmaybewhichyouwishtolookup，orthefactyoudesiretoverify，'RightHere'givesyouallthatyouwanttoknowinthebriefestandmostenlighteningform。Historicalreference，forinstance；careerofJohnHuss，letussay。Hereweare：'Huss，John，celebratedreligiousreformer。
　　Born1369，burnedatConstance1415。TheEmperorSigismunduniversallyblamed。'"
　　"IfhehadbeenburntinthesedayseveryonewouldhavesuspectedtheSuffragettes，"observedMellowkent。
　　"Poultry-keeping，now，"resumedCaiaphas，"that'sasubjectthatmightcropupinanoveldealingwithEnglishcountrylife。Herewehaveallaboutit：'TheLeghornasegg-producer。LackofmaternalinstinctintheMinorca。Gapesinchickens，itscauseandcure。
　　Ducklingsfortheearlymarket，howfattened。'There，yousee，thereitallis，nothinglacking。"
　　"ExceptthematernalinstinctintheMinorca，andthatyoucouldhardlybeexpectedtosupply。"
　　"Sportingrecords，that'simportant，too；nowhowmanymen，sportingmeneven，aretherewhocansayoff-handwhathorsewontheDerbyinanyparticularyear？Nowit'sjustalittlethingofthatsort——"
　　"Mydearsir，"interruptedMellowkent，"thereareatleastfourmeninmyclubwhocannotonlytellmewhathorsewoninanygivenyear，butwhathorseoughttohavewonandwhyitdidn't。Ifyourbookcouldsupplyamethodforprotectingonefrominformationofthatsortitwoulddomorethananythingyouhaveyetclaimedforit。"
　　"Geography，"saidCaiaphas，imperturbably；"that'sathingthatabusyman，writingathighpressure，mayeasilymakeaslipover。
　　Onlytheotherdayawell-knownauthormadetheVolgaflowintotheBlackSeainsteadoftheCaspian；now，withthisbook——"
　　"Onapolishedrose-woodstandbehindyoutherereposesareliableandup-to-dateatlas，"saidMellowkent；"andnowImustreallyaskyoutobegoing。"
　　"Anatlas，"saidCaiaphas，"givesmerelythechartoftheriver'scourse，andindicatestheprincipaltownsthatitpasses。NowRightHeregivesyouthescenery，traffic，ferry-boatcharges，theprevalenttypesoffish，boatmen'sslangterms，andhoursofsailingoftheprincipalriversteamers。Ifgivesyou——"
　　Mellowkentsatandwatchedthehard-featured，resolute，pitilesssalesman，ashesatdoggedlyinthechairwhereinhehadinstalledhimself，unflinchinglyextollingthemeritsofhisundesiredwares。
　　Aspiritofwistfulemulationtookpossessionoftheauthor；whycouldhenotliveuptothecoldsternnamehehadadopted？Whymusthesithereweaklyandlistentothisweary，unconvincingtirade，whycouldhenotbeMarkMellowkentforafewbriefmoments，andmeetthismanonlevelterms？
　　Asuddeninspirationflashedacrosshis。
　　"Haveyoureadmylastbook，TheCagelessLinnet？"heasked。
　　"Idon'treadnovels，"saidCaiaphastersely。
　　"Oh，butyououghttoreadthisone，everyoneoughtto，"exclaimedMellowkent，fishingthebookdownfromashelf；"publishedatsixshillings，youcanhaveitatfour-and-six。ThereisabitinchapterfivethatIfeelsureyouwouldlike，whereEmmaisaloneinthebirchcopsewaitingforHaroldHuntingdon——thatisthemanherfamilywanthertomarry。Shereallywantstomarryhim，too，butshedoesnotdiscoverthattillchapterfifteen。Listen：'Farastheeyecouldstretchrolledthemauveandpurplebillowsofheather，lituphereandtherewiththeglowingyellowofgorseandbroom，andedgedroundwiththedelicategreysandsilverandgreenoftheyoungbirchtrees。Tinyblueandbrownbutterfliesflutteredabovethefrondsofheather，revellinginthesunlight，andoverheadthelarksweresingingasonlylarkscansing。ItwasadaywhenallNature——"
　　"In'RightHere'youhavefullinformationonallbranchesofNaturestudy，"brokeinthebookagent，withatirednotesoundinginhisvoiceforthefirsttime；"forestry，insectlife，birdmigration，reclamationofwastelands。AsIwassaying，nomanwhohastodealwiththevariedinterestsoflife——"
　　"Iwonderifyouwouldcareforoneofmyearlierbooks，TheReluctanceofLadyCullumpton，"saidMellowkent，huntingagainthroughthebookshelf；"somepeopleconsideritmybestnovel。Ah，hereitis。Iseethereareoneortwospotsonthecover，soI
　　won'taskmorethanthree-and-ninepenceforit。Doletmereadyouhowitopens：
　　"'BeatriceLadyCullumptonenteredthelong，dimly-litdrawing-room，hereyesblazingwithahopethatsheguessedtobegroundless，herlipstremblingwithafearthatshecouldnotdisguise。Inherhandshecarriedasmallfan，afragiletoyoflaceandsatinwood。
　　Somethingsnappedassheenteredtheroom；shehadcrushedthefanintoadozenpieces。'
　　"There，whatdoyouthinkofthatforanopening？Ittellsyouatoncethatthere'ssomethingafoot。"
　　"Idon'treadnovels，"saidCaiaphassullenly。
　　"Butjustthinkwhataresourcetheyare，"exclaimedtheauthor，"onlongwinterevenings，orperhapswhenyouarelaidupwithastrainedankle——athingthatmighthappentoanyone；orifyouwerestayinginahouse-partywithpersistentwetweatherandastupidhostessandinsufferablydullfellow-guests，youwouldjustmakeanexcusethatyouhadletterstowrite，gotoyourroom，lightacigarette，andforthree-and-ninepenceyoucouldplungeintothesocietyofBeatriceLadyCullumptonandherset。Nooneoughttotravelwithoutoneortwoofmynovelsintheirluggageasastand-
　　by。AfriendofminesaidonlytheotherdaythathewouldassoonthinkofgoingintothetropicswithoutquinineasofgoingonavisitwithoutacoupleofMarkMellowkentsinhiskit-bag。Perhapssensationismoreinyourline。IwonderifI'vegotacopyofThePython'sKiss。"
　　Caiaphasdidnotwaittobetemptedwithselectionsfromthatthrillingworkoffiction。Withamutteredremarkabouthavingnotimetowasteonmonkey-talk，hegathereduphisslightedvolumeanddeparted。HemadenoaudiblereplytoMellowkent'scheerful"Goodmorning，"butthelatterfanciedthatalookofrespectfulhatredflickeredinthecoldgreyeyes。
　　THEHEDGEHOG
　　A"MixedDouble"ofyoungpeoplewerecontestingagameoflawntennisattheRectorygardenparty；forthepastfive-and-twentyyearsatleastmixeddoublesofyoungpeoplehaddoneexactlythesamethingonexactlythesamespotataboutthesametimeofyear。
　　Theyoungpeoplechangedandmadewayforothersinthecourseoftime，butverylittleelseseemedtoalter。Thepresentplayersweresufficientlyconsciousofthesocialnatureoftheoccasiontobeconcernedabouttheirclothesandappearance，andsufficientlysport-lovingtobekeenonthegame。Boththeireffortsandtheirappearancecameunderthefourfoldscrutinyofaquartetofladiessittingasofficialspectatorsonabenchimmediatelycommandingthecourt。ItwasoneoftheacceptedconditionsoftheRectorygardenpartythatfourladies，whousuallyknewverylittleabouttennisandagreatdealabouttheplayers，shouldsitatthatparticularspotandwatchthegame。Ithadalsocometobealmostatraditionthattwoladiesshouldbeamiable，andthattheothertwoshouldbeMrs。DoleandMrs。Hatch-Mallard。
　　"WhatasingularlyunbecomingwayEvaJonelethastakentodoingherhairin，"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard；"it'suglyhairatthebestoftimes，butsheneedn'tmakeitlookridiculousaswell。Someoneoughttotellher。"
　　EvaJonelet'shairmighthaveescapedMrs。Hatch-Mallard'scondemnationifshecouldhaveforgottenthemoreglaringfactthatEvawasMrs。Dole'sfavouriteniece。Itwould，perhaps，havebeenamorecomfortablearrangementifMrs。Hatch-MallardandMrs。DolecouldhavebeenaskedtotheRectoryonseparateoccasions，buttherewasonlyonegardenpartyinthecourseoftheyear，andneitherladycouldhavebeenomittedfromthelistofinvitationswithouthopelesslywreckingthesocialpeaceoftheparish。
　　"Howprettytheyewtreeslookatthistimeofyear，"interposedaladywithasoft，silveryvoicethatsuggestedachinchillamuffpaintedbyWhistler。
　　"Whatdoyoumeanbythistimeofyear？"demandedMrs。Hatch-
　　Mallard。"Yewtreeslookbeautifulatalltimesoftheyear。Thatistheirgreatcharm。"
　　"Yewtreesneverlookanythingbuthideousunderanycircumstancesoratanytimeofyear，"saidMrs。Dole，withtheslow，emphaticrelishofonewhocontradictsforthepleasureofthething。"Theyareonlyfitforgraveyardsandcemeteries。"
　　Mrs。Hatch-Mallardgaveasardonicsnort，which，beingtranslated，meantthatthereweresomepeoplewhowerebetterfittedforcemeteriesthanforgardenparties。
　　"Whatisthescore，please？"askedtheladywiththechinchillavoice。
　　Thedesiredinformationwasgivenherbyayounggentlemaninspotlesswhiteflannels，whosegeneraltoileteffectsuggestedsolicituderatherthananxiety。
　　"WhatanodiousyoungcubBertieDyksonhasbecome！"pronouncedMrs。
　　Dole，rememberingsuddenlythatBertiewasafavouritewithMrs。
　　Hatch-Mallard。"Theyoungmenofto-dayarenotwhattheyusedtobetwentyyearsago。"
　　"Ofcoursenot，"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard；"twentyyearsagoBertieDyksonwasjusttwoyearsold，andyoumustexpectsomedifferenceinappearanceandmannerandconversationbetweenthosetwoperiods。"
　　"Doyouknow，"saidMrs。Dole，confidentially，"Ishouldn'tbesurprisedifthatwasintendedtobeclever。"
　　"Haveyouanyoneinterestingcomingtostaywithyou，Mrs。
　　Norbury？"askedthechinchillavoice，hastily；"yougenerallyhaveahousepartyatthistimeofyear。"
　　"I'vegotamostinterestingwomancoming，"saidMrs。Norbury，whohadbeenmutelystrugglingforsomechancetoturntheconversationintoasafechannel；"anoldacquaintanceofmine，AdaBleek——"
　　"Whatanuglyname，"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard。
　　"She'sdescendedfromthedelaBliques，anoldHuguenotfamilyofTouraine，youknow。"
　　"Thereweren'tanyHuguenotsinTouraine，"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard，whothoughtshemightsafelydisputeanyfactthatwasthreehundredyearsold。
　　"Well，anyhow，she'scomingtostaywithme，"continuedMrs。
　　Norbury，bringingherstoryquicklydowntothepresentday，"shearrivesthisevening，andshe'shighlyclairvoyante，aseventhdaughterofaseventhdaughter，younow，andallthatsortofthing。"
　　"Howveryinteresting，"saidthechinchillavoice；"Exwoodisjusttherightplaceforhertocometo，isn'tit？Therearesupposedtobeseveralghoststhere。"
　　"Thatiswhyshewassoanxioustocome，"saidMrs。Norbury；"sheputoffanotherengagementinordertoacceptmyinvitation。She'shadvisionsanddreams，andallthosesortofthings，thathavecometrueinamostmarvellousmanner，butshe'sneveractuallyseenaghost，andshe'slongingtohavethatexperience。ShebelongstothatResearchSociety，youknow。"
　　"Iexpectshe'llseetheunhappyLadyCullumpton，themostfamousofalltheExwoodghosts，"saidMrs。Dole；"myancestor，youknow，SirGervaseCullumpton，murderedhisyoungbrideinafitofjealousywhiletheywereonavisittoExwood。Hestrangledherinthestableswithastirrupleather，justaftertheyhadcomeinfromriding，andsheisseensometimesatduskgoingaboutthelawnsandthestableyard，inalonggreenhabit，moaningandtryingtogetthethongfromroundherthroat。Ishallbemostinterestedtohearifyourfriendsees——"
　　"Idon'tknowwhysheshouldbeexpectedtoseeatrashy，traditionalapparitionliketheso-calledCullumptonghost，thatisonlyvouchedforbyhousemaidsandtipsystable-boys，whenmyuncle，whowastheownerofExwood，committedsuicidethereunderthemosttragicalcircumstances，andmostcertainlyhauntstheplace。"
　　"Mrs。Hatch-MallardhasevidentlyneverreadPopple'sCountyHistory，"saidMrs。Doleicily，"orshewouldknowthattheCullumptonghosthasawealthofevidencebehindit——"
　　"Oh，Popple！"exclaimedMrs。Hatch-Mallardscornfully；"anyrubbishyoldstoryisgoodenoughforhim。Popple，indeed！Nowmyuncle'sghostwasseenbyaRuralDean，whowasalsoaJusticeofthePeace。
　　Ishouldthinkthatwouldbegoodenoughtestimonyforanyone。
　　Mrs。Norbury，Ishalltakeitasadeliberatepersonalaffrontifyourclairvoyantefriendseesanyotherghostexceptthatofmyuncle。"
　　"Idaresayshewon'tseeanythingatall；sheneverhasyet，youknow，"saidMrs。Norburyhopefully。
　　"Itwasamostunfortunatetopicformetohavebroached，"shelamentedafterwardstotheownerofthechinchillavoice；"ExwoodbelongstoMrs。Hatch-Mallard，andwe'veonlygotitonashortlease。Anephewofhershasbeenwantingtolivethereforsometime，andifweoffendherinanywayshe'llrefusetorenewthelease。Isometimesthinkthesegarden-partiesareamistake。"
　　TheNorburysplayedbridgeforthenextthreenightstillnearlyoneo'clock；theydidnotcareforthegame，butitreducedthetimeattheirguest'sdisposalforundesirableghostlyvisitations。
　　"MissBleekisnotlikelytobeinaframeofmindtoseeghosts，"
　　saidHugoNorbury，"ifshegoestobedwithherbrainawhirlwithroyalspadesandnotrumpsandgrandslams。"
　　"I'vetalkedtoherforhoursaboutMrs。Hatch-Mallard'suncle，"
　　saidhiswife，"andpointedouttheexactspotwherehekilledhimself，andinventedallsortsofimpressivedetails，andI'vefoundanoldportraitofLordJohnRussellandputitinherroom，andtoldherthatit'ssupposedtobeapictureoftheuncleinmiddleage。IfAdadoesseeaghostatallitcertainlyoughttobeoldHatch-Mallard's。Atanyrate，we'vedoneourbest。"
　　Theprecautionswereinvain。OnthethirdmorningofherstayAdaBleekcamedownlatetobreakfast，hereyeslookingverytired，butablazewithexcitement，herhairdoneanyhow，andalargebrownvolumehuggedunderherarm。
　　"AtlastI'veseensomethingsupernatural！"sheexclaimed，andgaveMrs。Norburyaferventkiss，asthoughingratitudefortheopportunityaffordedher。
　　"Aghost！"criedMrs。Norbury，"notreally！"
　　"Reallyandunmistakably！"
　　"Wasitanoldishmaninthedressofaboutfiftyyearsago？"askedMrs。Norburyhopefully。
　　"Nothingofthesort，"saidAda；"itwasawhitehedgehog。"
　　"Awhitehedgehog！"exclaimedboththeNorburys，intonesofdisconcertedastonishment。
　　"Ahugewhitehedgehogwithbalefulyelloweyes，"saidAda；"IwaslyinghalfasleepinbedwhensuddenlyIfeltasensationasofsomethingsinisterandunaccountablepassingthroughtheroom。I
　　satupandlookedround，andthere，underthewindow，Isawanevil，creepingthing，asortofmonstroushedgehog，ofadirtywhitecolour，withblack，loathsomeclawsthatclickedandscrapedalongthefloor，andnarrow，yelloweyesofindescribableevil。Itslitheredalongforayardortwo，alwayslookingatmewithitscruel，hideouseyes，then，whenitreachedthesecondwindow，whichwasopenitclamberedupthesillandvanished。Igotupatonceandwenttothewindow；therewasn'tasignofitanywhere。Ofcourse，Iknewitmustbesomethingfromanotherworld，butitwasnottillIturnedupPopple'schapteronlocaltraditionsthatI
　　realisedwhatIhadseen。"
　　Sheturnedeagerlytothelargebrownvolumeandread："'NicholasHerison，anoldmiser，washungatBatchfordin1763forthemurderofafarmladwhohadaccidentallydiscoveredhissecrethoard。Hisghostissupposedtotraversethecountryside，appearingsometimesasawhiteowl，sometimesasahugewhitehedgehog。"
　　"IexpectyoureadthePopplestoryovernight，andthatmadeyouTHINKyousawahedgehogwhenyouwereonlyhalfawake，"saidMrs。
　　Norbury，hazardingaconjecturethatprobablycameverynearthetruth。
　　Adascoutedthepossibilityofsuchasolutionofherapparition。
　　"Thismustbehushedup，"saidMrs。Norburyquickly；"theservants——
　　"
　　"Hushedup！"exclaimedAda，indignantly；"I'mwritingalongreportonitfortheResearchSociety。"
　　ItwasthenthatHugoNorbury，whoisnotnaturallyamanofbrilliantresource，hadoneofthereallyusefulinspirationsofhislife。
　　"Itwasverywickedofus，MissBleek，"hesaid，"butitwouldbeashametoletitgofurther。Thatwhitehedgehogisanoldjokeofours；stuffedalbinohedgehog，youknow，thatmyfatherbroughthomefromJamaica，wheretheygrowtoenormoussize。Wehideitintheroomwithastringonit，runoneendofthestringthroughthewindow；thenwepulliffrombelowanditcomesscrapingalongthefloor，justasyou'vedescribed，andfinallyjerksoutofthewindow。Takeninheapsofpeople；theyallreadupPoppleandthinkit'soldHarryNicholson'sghost；wealwaysstopthemfromwritingtothepapersaboutit，though。Thatwouldbecarryingmatterstoofar。"
　　Mrs。Hatch-Mallardrenewedtheleaseinduecourse，butAdaBleekhasneverrenewedherfriendship。