ThatportionoftheUniversalHistorywhichwaswrittenbyhimdoesnotseemtometobecomposedwithpeculiarspirit，butalltracesofthewitandthewandererwereprobablywornoutbeforeheundertookthework。Hispiousandpatientenduranceofatediousillness，endinginanexemplarydeath，confirmedthestrongimpressionhismerithadmadeuponthemindofMr。Johnson。"ItissoVERYdifficult，"saidhe，always，"forasickmannottobeascoundrel。Oh！setthepillowssoft，hereisMr。Grumblera—coming。Ah！letnoairinfortheworld，Mr。Grumblerwillbeherepresently。"
Thisperpetualpreferenceissooffensive，wheretheprivilegesofsicknessare，besides，supportedbywealth，andnourishedbydependence，thatonecannotmuchwonderthataroughmindisrevoltedbythem。Itwas，however，atoncecomicalandtouchant（astheFrenchcallit），toobserveMr。
Johnsonsohabituallywatchfulagainstthissortofbehaviour，thathewasoftenreadytosuspecthimselfofit;andwhenoneaskedhimgently，howhedid？——"Readytobecomeascoundrel，madam，"wouldcommonlybetheanswer;
"withalittlemorespoilingyouwill，Ithink，makemeacompleterascal！"
Hisdesireofdoinggoodwasnot，however，lessenedbyhisaversiontoasickchamber。Hewouldhavemadeanillmanwellbyanyexpenseorfatigueofhisown，soonerthananyofthecanters。Canter，indeed，washenone：
hewouldforgettoaskpeopleafterthehealthoftheirnearestrelations，andsayinexcuse，"Thatheknewtheydidnotcare：whyshouldthey？"sayshe;"everyoneinthisworldhasasmuchastheycandoincaringforthemselves，andfewhaveleisurereallytoTHINKoftheirneighbours’
distresses，howevertheymaydelighttheirtongueswithTALKINGofthem。"
ThenaturaldepravityofmankindandremainsoforiginalsinweresofixedinMr。Johnson’sopinion，thathewasindeedamostacuteobserveroftheireffects;andusedtosaysometimes，halfinjest，halfinearnest，thattheyweretheremainsofhisoldtutorMandeville’sinstructions。Asabook，however，hetookcarealwaysloudlytocondemnthe"FableoftheBees，"butnotwithoutadding，"thatitwastheworkofathinkingman。"
IhaveinformerdaysheardDr。CollieroftheCommonsloudlycondemnedforutteringsentiments，whichtwentyyearsafterIhaveheardasloudlyapplaudedfromthelipsofDr。Johnson，concerningthewell—knownwriterofthatcelebratedwork：butifpeoplewilllivelongenoughinthiscapriciousworld，suchinstancesofpartialitywillshockthemlessandlessbyfrequentrepetition。Mr。Johnsonknewmankind，andwishedtomendthem：hetherefore，tothepietyandpurereligion，theuntaintedintegrity，andscrupulousmoralsofmyearliestandmostdisinterestedfriend，judiciouslycontrivedtojoinacautiousattentiontothecapacityofhishearers，andaprudentresolutionnottolessentheinfluenceofhislearningandvirtue，bycasualfreaksofhumourandirregularstartsofill—managedmerriment。Hedidnotwishtoconfound，buttoinformhisauditors;andthoughhedidnotappeartosolicitbenevolence，healwayswishedtoretainauthority，andleavehiscompanyimpressedwiththeideathatitwashistoteachinthisworld，andtheirstolearn。Whatwonder，then，thatallshouldreceivewithdocilityfromJohnsonthosedoctrines，which，propagatedbyCollier，theydroveawayfromthemwithshouts！Dr。
Johnsonwasnotgrave，however，becauseheknewnothowtobemerry。Nomanlovedlaughingbetter，andhisveinofhumourwasrichandapparentlyinexhaustible;thoughDr。Goldsmithsaidoncetohim，"Weshouldchangecompanionsoftener，weexhaustoneanother，andshallsoonbebothofuswornout。"PoorGoldsmithwastohim，indeed，liketheearthenpottotheirononeinFontaine’sfables;ithadbeenbetterforHIM，perhaps，thattheyhadchangedcompanionsoftener;yetnoexperienceofhisantagonist’sstrengthhinderedhimfromcontinuingthecontest。HeusedtoremindmealwaysofthatverseinBerni——
"Ilpoveruomochenonsen’eraaccorto，Andavacombattendo——ederamorto。"
Mr。Johnsonmadehimacomicalansweroneday，whenseemingtorepineatthesuccessofBeattie’s"EssayonTruth"——"Here’ssuchastir，"saidhe，"aboutafellowthathaswrittenonebook，andIhavewrittenmany。""Ah，Doctor，"sayshisfriend，"theregotwo—and—fortysixpences，youknow，tooneguinea。"
TheyhadspentaneveningwithEatonGraham，too，Irememberhearingitwasatsometavern;hisheartwasopen，andhebeganinvitingaway;toldwhathecoulddotomakehiscollegeagreeable，andbeggedthevisitmightnotbedelayed。Goldsmiththankedhim，andproposedsettingoutwithMr。
JohnsonforBuckinghamshireinafortnight。"Nay，hold，Dr。MINOR，"saystheother，"Ididnotinviteyou。"
Manysuchmortificationsaroseinthecourseoftheirintimacy，tobesure，butfewmorelaughablethanwhenthenewspapershadtackedthemtogetherasthepedantandhisflattererinLove’sLabour’sLost。Dr。Goldsmithcametohisfriend，frettingandfoaming，andvowingvengeanceagainsttheprinter，etc。，tillMr。Johnson，tiredofthebustle，anddesiroustothinkofsomethingelse，criedoutatlast，"Why，whatwould’stthouhave，dearDoctor！whotheplagueishurtwithallthisnonsense？andhowisamantheworse，Iwonder，inhishealth，purse，orcharacter，forbeingcalledHolofernes？""Idonotknow，"repliestheother，"howyoumayrelishbeingcalledHolofernes，butIdonotlikeatleasttoplayGoodmanDull。"
Dr。Johnsonwasindeedfamousfordisregardingpublicabuse。Whenthepeoplecriticisedandansweredhispamphlets，papers，etc。，"Why，now，thesefellowsareonlyadvertisingmybook，"hewouldsay;"itissurelybetteramanshouldbeabusedthanforgotten。"WhenChurchillnettledhim，however，itiscertainhefeltthesting，orthatpoet’sworkswouldhardlyhavebeenleftoutoftheedition。Ofthat，however，Ihavenorighttodecide;thebooksellers，perhaps，didnotputChurchillontheirlist。I
knowMr。Johnsonwasexceedinglyzealoustodeclarehowverylittlehehadtodowiththeselection。Churchill’sworks，too，mightpossiblyberejectedbyhimuponahigherprinciple;thehighest，indeed，ifhewasinspiredbythesamelaudablemotivewhichmadehimrejecteveryauthorityforawordinhisdictionarythatcouldonlybegleanedfromwritersdangeroustoreligionormorality。"Iwouldnot，"saidhe，"sendpeopletolookforwordsinabook，thatbysuchacasualseizureofthemindmightchancetomisleaditforever。"Inconsequenceofthisdelicacy，Mrs。
Montagueonceobserved，"Thatwereanangeltogivetheimprimatur，Dr。
Johnson’sworkswereamongthoseveryfewwhichwouldnotbelessenedbyaline。"Thatsuchpraisefromsuchaladyshoulddelighthim，isnotstrange;insensibilityinacaselikethatmusthavebeentheresultaloneofarroganceactingonstupidity。Mr。Johnsonhadindeednodisliketothecommendationswhichheknewhedeserved。"Whatsignifiesprotestingsoagainstflattery！"wouldhecry;"whenapersonspeakswellofone，itmustbeeithertrueorfalse，youknow;iftrue，letusrejoiceinhisgoodopinion;ifhelies，itisaproofatleastthathelovesmoretopleasemethantositsilentwhenheneedsaynothing。"
Thatnaturalroughnessofhismannersooftenmentionedwould，notwithstandingtheregularityofhisnotions，burstthroughthemallfromtimetotime;andheoncebadeaverycelebratedlady，whopraisedhimwithtoomuchzeal，perhaps，orperhapstoostronganemphasis（whichalwaysoffendedhim），"ConsiderwhatherflatterywasworthbeforeshechokedHIM
withit。"Afewmorewinterspassedinthetalkingworldshowedhimthevalueofthatfriend’scommendations，however;andhewasverysorryforthedisgustingspeechhemadeher。
IusedtothinkMr。Johnson’sdeterminedpreferenceofacold，monotonoustalkeroveranemphaticalandviolentonewouldmakehimquiteafavouriteamongthemenofton，whoseinsensibility，oraffectationofperpetualcalmness，certainlydidnotgivetohimtheoffenceitdoestomany。Heloved"conversationwithouteffort，"hesaid;andtheencomiumsIhaveheardhimsooftenpronounceonthemannersofTophamBeauclerinsocietyconstantlyendedinthatpeculiarpraise，that"itwaswithoutEFFORT。"
WeweretalkingofRichardson，whowrote"Clarissa。""YouthinkIloveflattery，"saysDr。Johnson，"andsoIdo;butalittletoomuchalwaysdisgustsme。ThatfellowRichardson，onthecontrary，couldnotbecontentedtosailquietlydownthestreamofreputationwithoutlongingtotastethefrothfromeverystrokeoftheoar。"
Withregardtoslightinsultsfromnewspaperabuse，Ihavealreadydeclaredhisnotions。"Theystingone，"sayshe，"butasaflystingsahorse;andtheeaglewillnotcatchflies。"Heoncetoldme，however，thatCummyns，thefamousQuaker，whosefriendshiphevaluedveryhighly，fellasacrificetotheirinsults，havingdeclaredonhisdeath—bedtoDr。Johnsonthatthepainofananonymousletter，writteninsomeofthecommonprintsoftheday，fastenedonhisheart，andthrewhimintotheslowfeverofwhichhedied。
NorwasCummynstheonlyvaluablemembersolosttosociety。Hawkesworth，thepious，thevirtuous，andthewise，forwantofthatfortitudewhichcastsashieldbeforethemeritsofhisfriend，fellalamentedsacrificetowantonmaliceandcruelty，Iknownothowprovoked;butallinturnfeelthelashofcensureinacountrywhere，aseverybabyisallowedtocarryawhip，nopersoncanescapeexceptbychance。Theunpublishedcrimes，unknowndistresses，andevendeathitself，however，dailyoccurringinlessliberalgovernmentsandlessfreenations，soonteachonetocontentoneselfwithsuchpettygrievances，andmakeoneacknowledgethattheundistinguishingseverityofnewspaperabusemayinsomemeasurediminishthediffusionofviceandfollyinGreatBritain，andwhiletheyfrightdelicatemindsintoforcedrefinementsandaffectedinsipidity，theyareusefultothegreatcausesofvirtueinthesoulandlibertyintheState;andthoughsensibilityoftensinksundertheroughnessoftheirprescriptions，itwouldbenogoodpolicytotakeawaytheirlicence。
KnowingthestateofMr。Johnson’snerves，andhoweasilytheywereaffected，Iforborereadinginanewmagazine，oneday，thedeathofaSamuelJohnsonwhoexpiredthatmonth;butmycompanionsnatchingupthebook，sawithimself，andcontrarytomyexpectation，"Oh！"saidhe，"I
hopeDeathwillnowbegluttedwithSamJohnsons，andletmealoneforsometimetocome;Ireadofanothernamesake’sdeparturelastweek。"ThoughMr。Johnsonwascommonlyaffectedeventoagonyatthethoughtsofafriend’sdying，hetroubledhimselfverylittlewiththecomplaintstheymightmaketohimaboutill—health。"DearDoctor，"saidheonedaytoacommonacquaintance，wholamentedthetenderstateofhisINSIDE，"donotbelikethespider，man，andspinconversationthusincessantlyoutofthyownbowels。"Itoldhimofanotherfriendwhosufferedgrievouslywiththegout。"Hewillliveavastmanyyearsforallthat，"repliedhe，"andthenwhatsignifieshowmuchhesuffers！Buthewilldieatlast，poorfellow;
there’sthemisery;goutseldomtakesthefortbyacoup—de—main，butturningthesiegeintoablockade，obligesittosurrenderatdiscretion。"
Aladyhethoughtwellofwasdisorderedinherhealth。"Whathelphasshecalledin？"inquiredJohnson。"Dr。James，sir，"wasthereply。"Whatisherdisease？""Oh，nothingpositive;ratheragradualandgentledecline。"
"Shewilldie，then，prettydear！"answeredhe。"WhenDeath’spalehorserunsawaywithapersononfullspeed，anactivephysicianmaypossiblygivethematurn;butifhecarriesthemonaneven，slowpace，down—hill，too！nocarenorskillcansavethem！"
WhenGarrickwasonhislastsick—bed，noarguments，orrecitalsofsuchfactsasIhadheard，wouldpersuadeMr。Johnsonofhisdanger。Hehadprepossessedhimselfwithanotion，thattosayamanwassickwasverynearwishinghimso;andfewthingsoffendedhimmorethanprognosticatingeventhedeathofanordinaryacquaintance。"Ay，ay，"saidhe，"Swiftknewtheworldprettywellwhenhesaidthat——
’Somediremisfortunetoportend，Noenemycanmatchafriend。’"
Thedanger，then，ofMr。Garrick，orofMr。Thrale，whomhelovedbetter，wasanimagewhichnoonedurstpresentbeforehisview;healwayspersistedinthepossibilityandhopeoftheirrecoveringdisordersfromwhichnohumancreaturesbyhumanmeansaloneeverdidrecover。Hisdistressfortheirlosswasforthatveryreasonpoignanttoexcess。Buthisfearsofhisownsalvationwereexcessive。HistrulytolerantspiritandChristiancharity，whichHOPETHALLTHINGS，andBELIEVETHALLTHINGS，madehimrelysecurelyonthesafetyofhisfriends;whilehisearnestaspirationafterablessedimmortalitymadehimcautiousofhisownsteps，andtimorousconcerningtheirconsequences。Heknewhowmuchhadbeengiven，andfilledhismindwithfanciesofhowmuchwouldberequired，tillhisimpressedimaginationwasoftendisturbedbythem，andhishealthsufferedfromthesensibilityofhistootenderconscience。ArealChristianisSOapttofindhistalkabovehispowerofperformance！
Mr。Johnsondidnot，however，giveintoridiculousrefinementseitherofspeculationorpractice，orsufferhimselftobedeludedbyspeciousappearances。"Ihavehaddustthrowninmyeyestoooften，"wouldhesay，"tobeblindedso。Letusneverconfoundmattersofbeliefwithmattersofopinion。"Someoneurgedinhispresencethepreferenceofhopetopossession;andasIrememberproducedanItaliansonnetonthesubject。
"Letusnot，"criesJohnson，"amuseourselveswithsubtletiesandsonnets，whenspeakingabouthope，whichisthefolloweroffaithandtheprecursorofeternity;butifyouonlymeanthoseair—builthopeswhichto—dayexciteandto—morrowwilldestroy，letustalkaway，andrememberthatweonlytalkofthepleasuresofhope;wefeelthoseofpossession，andnomaninhissenseswouldchangethelastforthefirst。Suchhopeisamerebubble，thatbyagentlebreathmaybeblowntowhatsizeyouwillalmost，butaroughblastburstsitatonce。Hopeisanamusementratherthanagood，andadaptedtononebutverytranquilminds。"Thetruthis，Mr。
Johnsonhatedwhathecalledunprofitablechat;andtoagentlemanwhohaddissertedsometimeaboutthenaturalhistoryofthemouse——"Iwonderwhatsuchaonewouldhavesaid，"criedJohnson，"ifhehadeverhadthelucktoseeaLION！"
IwellrememberthatatBrighthelmstoneonce，whenhewasnotpresent，Mr。
Beauclercassertedthathewasafraidofspirits;andI，whowassecretlyoffendedatthecharge，askedhim，thefirstopportunityIcouldfind，"whatgroundhehadevergiventotheworldforsuchareport？""Ican，"
repliedhe，"recollectnothingneareritthanmytellingDr。Lawrence，manyyearsago，thatalongtimeaftermypoormother’sdeathIheardhervoicecall’SAM！’""WhatanswerdidtheDoctormaketoyourstory，sir？"saidI。
"Noneintheworld，"repliedhe，andsuddenlychangedtheconversation。
Now，asMr。Johnsonhadamostunshakenfaith，withoutanymixtureofcredulity，thisstorymusteitherhavebeenstrictlytrue，orhispersuasionofitstruththeeffectofdisorderedspirits。Irelatetheanecdotepreciselyashetolditme，butcouldnotprevailonhimtodrawoutthetalkintolengthforfurthersatisfactionofmycuriosity。
AsJohnsonwasthefirmestofbelievers，withoutbeingcredulous，sohewasthemostcharitableofmortals，withoutbeingwhatwecallanactivefriend。Admirableatgivingcounsel，nomansawhiswaysoclearly;buthewouldnotstirafingerfortheassistanceofthosetowhomhewaswillingenoughtogiveadvice：besidesthat，hehadprinciplesoflaziness，andcouldbeindolentbyrule。Tohinderyourdeath，orprocureyouadinner，Imeanifreallyinwantofone;hisearnestness，hisexertionscouldnotbeprevented，thoughhealthandpurseandeasewerealldestroyedbytheirviolence。Ifyouwantedaslightfavour，youmustapplytopeopleofotherdispositions;fornotastepwouldJohnsonmovetoobtainamanavoteinasociety，torepayacomplimentwhichmightbeusefulorpleasing，towritealetterofrequest，ortoobtainahundredpoundsayearmoreforafriend，whoperhapshadalreadytwoorthree。Noforcecouldurgehimtodiligence，noimportunitycouldconquerhisresolutionofstandingstill。
"Whatgoodarewedoingwithallthisado？"wouldhesay;"dearestlady，let’shearnomoreofit！"Ihave，however，morethanonceinmylifeforcedhimonsuchservices，butwithextremedifficulty。
WepartedathisdooroneeveningwhenIhadteasedhimformanyweekstowritearecommendatoryletterofalittleboytohisschoolmaster;andafterhehadfaithfullypromisedtodothisprodigiousfeatbeforewemetagain——"DonotforgetdearDick，sir，"saidI，ashewentoutofthecoach。
Heturnedback，stoodstilltwominutesonthecarriage—step——"WhenIhavewrittenmyletterforDick，Imayhangmyself，mayn’tI？"andturnedawayinaveryillhumourindeed。
Thoughaptenoughtotakesuddenlikingsoraversionstopeopleheoccasionallymet，hewouldneverhastilypronounceupontheircharacter;
andwhen，seeinghimjustlydelightedwithSolander’sconversation，I
observedoncethathewasamanofgreatpartswhotalkedfromafullmind—
—"Itmaybeso，"saidMr。Johnson，"butyoucannotknowityet，norI
neither：thepumpworkswell，tobesure！buthow，Iwonder，arewetodecideinsoveryshortanacquaintance，whetheritissuppliedbyaspringorareservoir？"Healwaysmadeagreatdifferenceinhisesteembetweentalentsanderudition;andwhenhesawapersoneminentforliterature，thoughwhollyunconversible，itfrettedhim。"Teachingsuchtonies，"saidhetomeoneday，"islikesettingalady’sdiamondsinlead，whichonlyobscuresthelustreofthestone，andmakesthepossessorashamedon’t。"
Usefulandwhatwecalleverydayknowledgehadthemostofhisjustpraise。
"Letyourboylearnarithmetic，dearmadam，"washisadvicetothemotherofarichyoungheir："hewillnotthenbeapreytoeveryrascalwhichthistownswarmswith。Teachhimthevalueofmoney，andhowtoreckonit;
ignorancetoawealthyladofone—and—twentyisonlysomuchfattoasicksheep：itjustservestocalltheROOKSabouthim。"
"AndallthatpreyinviceorfollyJoytoseetheirquarryfly;
Herethegamesterlightandjolly，Therethelendergraveandsly。"
Theseimprovisolines，makingpartofalongcopyofverseswhichmyregardfortheyouthonwhosebirthdaytheywerewrittenobligesmetosuppress，lesttheyshouldgivehimpain，showamindofsurprisingactivityandwarmth;themoresoashewaspastseventyyearsofagewhenhecomposedthem;butnothingmorecertainlyoffendedMr。Johnsonthantheideaofaman’sfaculties（mentalones，Imean）decayingbytime。"Itisnottrue，sir，"wouldhesay;"whatamancouldoncedo，hewouldalwaysdo，unless，indeed，bydintofviciousindolence，andcompliancewiththenephewsandthenieceswhocrowdroundanoldfellow，andhelptotuckhimin，tillhe，contentedwiththeexchangeoffameforease，e’enresolvestoletthemsetthepillowsathisback，andgivesnofurtherproofofhisexistencethanjusttosuckthejellythatprolongsit。"
ForsuchalifeorsuchadeathDr。JohnsonwasindeedneverintendedbyProvidence：hismindwaslikeawarmclimate，whichbringseverythingtoperfectionsuddenlyandvigorously，notlikethealembicatedproductionsofartificialfire，whichalwaysbetraythedifficultyofbringingthemforthwhentheirsizeisdisproportionatetotheirflavour。"JeferoisunRomantoutcommeunautre，maislavien’estpointunRoman，"saysafamousFrenchwriter;andthiswassocertainlytheopinionoftheauthorofthe"Rambler，"thatallhisconversationpreceptstendedtowardsthedispersionofromanticideas，andwerechieflyintendedtopromotethecultivationof"Thatwhichbeforetheeliesindailylife。"
MILTON。
Andwhenhetalkedofauthors，hispraisewentspontaneouslytosuchpassagesasaresureinhisownphrasetoleavesomethingbehindthemusefuloncommonoccasions，orobservantofcommonmanners。Forexample，itwasnotthetwoLAST，butthetwoFIRSTvolumesof"Clarissa"thatheprized;"forgivemeasick—bedandadyinglady，"saidhe，"andI’llbepatheticmyself。ButRichardsonhadpickedthekerneloflife，"hesaid，"whileFieldingwascontentedwiththehusk。"ItwasnotKingLearcursinghisdaughters，ordeprecatingthestorm，thatIrememberhiscommendationsof;butIago’singeniousmaliceandsubtlerevenge;orPrinceHal’sgaycompliancewiththevicesofFalstaff，whomheallalongdespised。ThoseplayshadindeednorivalsinJohnson’sfavour："NomanbutShakespeare，"
hesaid，"couldhavedrawnSirJohn。"
HismannerofcriticisingandcommendingAddison’sprosewasthesameinconversationaswereaditintheprintedstrictures，andmanyoftheexpressionsusedhavebeenheardtofallfromhimoncommonoccasions。Itwasnotwithstandingobservableenough（orIfanciedso）thathedidneverlike，thoughhealwaysthoughtfittopraiseit;andhispraisesresembledthoseofamanwhoextolsthesuperioreleganceofhighpaintedporcelain，whilehehimselfalwayschoosestoeatoffPLATE。Itoldhimsooneday，andheneitherdenieditnorappeareddispleased。
Ofthepatheticinpoetryheneverlikedtospeak，andtheonlypassageI
everheardhimapplaudasparticularlytenderinanycommonbookwasJaneShore’sexclamationinthelastact——
"Forgiveme！BUTforgiveme！"
Itwasnot，however，fromthewantofasusceptibleheartthathehatedtocitetenderexpressions，forhewasmorestronglyandmoreviolentlyaffectedbytheforceofwordsrepresentingideascapableofaffectinghimatallthananyothermanintheworld，Ibelieve：andwhenhewouldtrytorepeatthecelebratedProsaEcclesiasticaproMortuis，asitiscalled，beginning"Diesirae，Diesilla，"hecouldneverpassthestanzaendingthus，"Tantuslabornonsitcassus，"withoutburstingintoafloodoftears;whichsensibilityIusedtoquoteagainsthimwhenhewouldinveighagainstdevotionalpoetry，andprotestthatallreligiousverseswerecoldandfeeble，andunworthythesubject，whichoughttobetreatedwithhigherreverence，hesaid，thaneitherpoetsorpainterscouldpresumetoexciteorbestow。NorcananythingbeastrongerproofofDr。Johnson’spietythansuchanexpression;forhisideaofpoetrywasmagnificentindeed，andveryfullywashepersuadedofitssuperiorityovereveryothertalentbestowedbyheavenonman。Hischapteruponthatparticularsubjectinhis"Rasselas"isreallywrittenfromthefulnessofhisheart，andquiteinhisbestmanner，Ithink。Iamnotsosurethatthisistheproperplacetomentionhiswritingthatsurprisinglittlevolumeinaweekortendays’
time，inordertoobtainmoneyforhisjourneytoLichfieldwhenhismotherlayuponherlastsick—bed。
Promptitudeofthought，indeed，andquicknessofexpression，wereamongthepeculiarfelicitiesofJohnson;hisnotionsroseuplikethedragon’steethsowedbyCadmusallreadyclothed，andinbrightarmourtoo，fitforimmediatebattle。Hewastherefore（assomebodyissaidtohaveexpressedit）atremendousconverser，andfewpeopleventuredtotrytheirskillagainstanantagonistwithwhomcontentionwassohopeless。Onegentleman，however，whodinedatanobleman’shouseinhiscompany，andthatofMr。
Thrale，towhomIwasobligedfortheanecdote，waswillingtoenterthelistsindefenceofKingWilliam’scharacter，andhavingopposedandcontradictedJohnsontwoorthreetimespetulantlyenough，themasterofthehousebegantofeeluneasy，andexpectdisagreeableconsequences;toavoidwhichhesaid，loudenoughfortheDoctortohear，"Ourfriendherehasnomeaningnowinallthis，exceptjusttorelateatclubto—morrowhowheteasedJohnsonatdinnerto—day——thisisalltodohimselfHONOUR。"
"No，uponmyword，"repliedtheother，"IseenoHONOURinit，whateveryoumaydo。""Well，sir！"returnedMr。Johnson，sternly，"ifyoudonotSEE
theHONOUR，IamsureIFEELtheDISGRACE。"
Ayoungfellow，lessconfidentofhisownabilities，lamentingonedaythathehadlostallhisGreek——"Ibelieveithappenedatthesametime，sir，"
saidJohnson，"thatIlostallmylargeestateinYorkshire。"
Buthoweverroughlyhemightbesuddenlyprovokedtotreataharmlessexertionofvanity，hedidnotwishtoinflictthepainhegave，andwassometimesverysorrywhenheperceivedthepeopletosmartmorethantheydeserved。"Howharshlyyoutreatedthatmantoday，"saidIonce，"whoharanguedussoaboutgardening。""Iamsorry，"saidhe，"ifIvexedthecreature，forthereiscertainlynoharminafellow’srattlingarattle—box，onlydon’tlethimthinkthathethunders。"TheLincolnshireladywhoshowedhimagrottoshehadbeenmaking，cameoffnobetter，asI
remember。"Woulditnotbeaprettycoolhabitationinsummer，"saidshe，"Mr。Johnson？""Ithinkitwould，madam，"repliedhe，"foratoad。"
Alldesireofdistinction，indeed，hadasureenemyinMr。Johnson。Wemetafrienddrivingsixverysmallponies，andstoppedtoadmirethem。"Whydoesnobody，"saidourDoctor，"beginthefashionofdrivingsixspavinedhorses，allspavinedofthesameleg？Itwouldhaveamightyprettyeffect，andproducethedistinctionofdoingsomethingworsethanthecommonway。"
WhenMr。Johnsonhadamindtocomplimentanyonehediditwithmoredignitytohimself，andbettereffectuponthecompany，thananyman。I
canrecollectbutfewinstances，indeed，thoughperhapsthatmaybemoremyfaultthanhis。WhenSirJoshuaReynoldslefttheroomoneday，hesaid，"Theregoesamannottobespoiltbyprosperity。"AndwhenMrs。MontagueshowedhimsomeChinaplateswhichhadoncebelongedtoQueenElizabeth，hetoldher"thattheyhadnoreasontobeashamedoftheirpresentpossessor，whowassolittleinferiortothefirst。"IlikewiserememberthathepronouncedonedayatmyhouseamostloftypanegyricuponJonestheOrientalist，whoseemedlittlepleasedwiththepraise，forwhatcauseI
knownot。Hewasnotatalloffendedwhen，comparingallouracquaintancetosomeanimalorother，wepitchedupontheelephantforhisresemblance，addingthattheproboscisofthatcreaturewaslikehismindmostexactly，strongtobuffeteventhetiger，andpliabletopickupeventhepin。Thetruthis，Mr。Johnsonwasoftengoodhumouredlywillingtojoininchildishamusements，andhatedtobeleftoutofanyinnocentmerrimentthatwasgoingforward。Mr。Murphyalwayssaidhewasincomparableatbuffoonery;
andIverilythink，ifhehadhadgoodeyes，andaformlessinflexible，hewouldhavemadeanadmirablemimic。
HecertainlyrodeonMr。Thrale’soldhunterwithagoodfirmness，andthoughhewouldfollowthehoundsfiftymilesonendsometimes，wouldneverownhimselfeithertiredoramused。"Ihavenowlearned，"saidhe，"byhunting，toperceivethatitisnodiversionatall，norevertakesamanoutofhimselfforamoment：thedogshavelesssagacitythanIcouldhaveprevailedonmyselftosuppose;andthegentlemenoftencalltomenottorideoverthem。Itisverystrange，andverymelancholy，thatthepaucityofhumanpleasureshouldpersuadeusevertocallhuntingoneofthem。"Hewas，however，proudtobeamongstthesportsmen;andIthinknopraiseeverwentsoclosetohisheartaswhenMr。HamiltoncalledoutonedayuponBrighthelmstoneDowns，"Why，Johnsonridesaswell，foraughtIsee，asthemostilliteratefellowinEngland。"
ThoughDr。Johnsonowedhisverylifetoairandexercise，givenhimwhenhisorgansofrespirationcouldscarcelyplay，intheyear1766，yetheeverpersistedinthenotionthatneitherofthemhadanythingtodowithhealth。"Peopleliveaslong，"saidhe，"inPepperAlleyasonSalisburyPlain;andtheylivesomuchhappier，thataninhabitantofthefirstwould，ifheturnedcottager，starvehisunderstandingforwantofconversation，andperishinastateofmentalinferiority。"
Mr。Johnson，indeed，ashewasaverytalkingmanhimself，hadanideathatnothingpromotedhappinesssomuchasconversation。Afriend’seruditionwascommendedonedayasequallydeepandstrong。"Hewillnottalk，sir，"
wasthereply，"sohislearningdoesnogood，andhiswit，ifhehasit，givesusnopleasure。OutofallhisboastedstoresIneverheardhimforcebutoneword，andthatwordwasRICHARD。"Withacontemptnotinferiorhereceivedthepraisesofaprettylady’sfaceandbehaviour。
"Shesaysnothing，sir，"answersJohnson;"atalkingblackamoorwerebetterthanawhitecreaturewhoaddsnothingtolife，andbysittingdownbeforeonethusdesperatelysilent，takesawaytheconfidenceoneshouldhaveinthecompanyofherchairifshewereonceoutofit。"Noonewas，however，lesswillingtobeginanydiscoursethanhimself。Hisfriend，Mr。ThomasTyers，saidhewasliketheghosts，whoneverspeaktilltheyarespokento：andhelikedtheexpressionsowell，thatheoftenrepeatedit。Hehad，indeed，nonecessitytoleadthestreamofchattoafavouritechannel，thathisfulnessonthesubjectmightbeshownmoreclearlywhateverwasthetopic;andheusuallyleftthechoicetoothers。Hisinformationbestenlightened，hisargumentstrengthened，andhiswitmadeiteverremembered。Ofhimitmighthavebeensaid，asheoftendelightedtosayofEdmundBurke，"thatyoucouldnotstandfiveminuteswiththatmanbeneathashedwhileitrained，butyoumustbeconvincedyouhadbeenstandingwiththegreatestmanyouhadeveryetseen。"
Aswehadbeensaying，oneday，thatnosubjectfailedofreceivingdignityfromthemannerinwhichMr。Johnsontreatedit，aladyatmyhousesaidshewouldmakehimtalkaboutlove，andtookhermeasuresaccordingly，deridingthenovelsofthedaybecausetheytreatedaboutlove。"Itisnot，"repliedourphilosopher，"becausetheytreat，asyoucallit，aboutlove，butbecausetheytreatofnothing，thattheyaredespicable。Wemustnotridiculeapassionwhichhewhoneverfeltneverwashappy，andhewholaughsatneverdeservestofeel——apassionwhichhascausedthechangeofempiresandthelossofworlds——apassionwhichhasinspiredheroismandsubduedavarice。"Hethoughthehadalreadysaidtoomuch。"Apassion，inshort，"addedhe，withanalteredtone，"thatconsumesmeawayformyprettyFannyhere，andsheisverycruel，"speakingofanotherladyintheroom。Hetoldus，however，inthecourseofthesamechat，howhisnegroFrancishadbeeneminentforhissuccessamongthegirls。Seeingusalllaugh，"Imusthaveyouknow，ladies，"saidhe，"thatFrankhascarriedtheempireofCupidfurtherthanmostmen。WhenIwasinLincolnshiresomanyyearsagoheattendedmethither;andwhenwereturnedhometogether，I
foundthatafemalehaymakerhadfollowedhimtoLondonforlove。"Franciswasindeednosmallfavouritewithhismaster，whoretained，however，aprodigiousinfluenceoverhismostviolentpassions。
Onthebirthdayofoureldestdaughter，andthatofourfriendDr。Johnson，the17thandthe18thofSeptember，weeveryyearmadeupalittledanceandsupper，todivertourservantsandtheirfriends，puttingthesummer—houseintotheirhandsforthetwoevenings，tofillwithacquaintanceandmerriment。Francisandhiswhitewifewereinvited，ofcourse。Shewaseminentlypretty，andhewasjealous，asmymaidstoldme。
Onthefirstofthesedays’amusements（Iknownotwhatyear）FranktookoffenceatsomeattentionspaidhisDesdemona，andwalkedawaynextmorningtoLondoninwrath。HismasterandIdrivingthesameroadanhourafter，overtookhim。"Whatisthematter，child，"saysDr。Johnson，"thatyouleaveStreathamto—day。ARTSICK？""Heisjealous，"whisperedI。"Areyoujealousofyourwife，youstupidblockhead？"criesouthismasterinanothertone。Thefellowhesitated，and，"TOBESURE，SIR，IDON’TQUITE
APPROVE，SIR，"wasthestammeringreply。"Why，whatdotheyDOtoher，man？Dothefootmenkissher？""No，sir，no！KissmyWIFE，sir！IHOPE
NOT，sir。""Why，whatDOtheydotoher，mylad？""Why，nothing，sir，I’msure，sir。""Why，thengobackdirectlyanddance，youdog，do;andlet’shearnomoreofsuchemptylamentations。"Ibelieve，however，thatFranciswasscarcelyasmuchtheobjectofMr。Johnson’spersonalkindnessastherepresentativeofDr。Bathurst，forwhosesakehewouldhavelovedanybodyoranything。
Whenhespokeofnegroes，healwaysappearedtothinkthemofaracenaturallyinferior，andmadefewexceptionsinfavourofhisown;yetwheneverdisputesaroseinhishouseholdamongthemanyoddinhabitantsofwhichitconsisted，healwayssidedwithFrancisagainsttheothers，whomhesuspected（notunjustly，Ibelieve）ofgreatermalignity。Itseemsatoncevexatiousandcomicaltoreflectthatthedissensionsthosepeoplechosetoliveconstantlyindistressedandmortifiedhimexceedingly。Hereallywasoftentimesafraidofgoinghome，becausehewassosuretobemetatthedoorwithnumberlesscomplaints;andheusedtolamentpatheticallytome，andtoMr。Sastres，theItalianmaster，whowasmuchhisfavourite，thattheymadehislifemiserablefromtheimpossibilityhefoundofmakingtheirshappy，wheneveryfavourhebestowedononewaswormwoodtotherest。If，however，Iventuredtoblametheiringratitude，andcondemntheirconduct，hewouldinstantlysetaboutsofteningtheoneandjustifyingtheother;andfinishedcommonlybytellingme，thatIknewnothowtomakeallowancesforsituationsIneverexperienced。
"Totheenoreasonwhoknow’stonlygood，Butevilhastnottried。"
MILTON。
Dr。Johnsonknewhowtobemerrywithmeanpeople，too，aswellastobesadwiththem;helovedthelowerranksofhumanitywitharealaffection：
andthoughhistalentsandlearningkepthimalwaysinthesphereofupperlife，yetheneverlostsightofthetimewhenheandtheysharedpainandpleasureincommon。Aboroughelectiononceshowedmehistolerationofboisterousmirth，andhiscontentinthecompanyofpeoplewhomonewouldhavethoughtatfirstsightlittlecalculatedforhissociety。Aroughfellowonedayonsuchanoccasion，ahatterbytrade，seeingMr。Johnson’sbeaverinastateofdecay，seizeditsuddenlywithonehand，andclappinghimonthebackwiththeother，"Ah，MasterJohnson，"sayshe，"thisisnotimetobethinkingaboutHATS。""No，no，sir，"repliedourDoctorinacheerfultone，"hatsareofnousenow，asyousay，excepttothrowupintheairandhuzzawith，"accompanyinghiswordswithatrueelectionhalloo。
Butitwasneveragainstpeopleofcoarselifethathiscontemptwasexpressed，whilepovertyofsentimentinmenwhoconsideredthemselvestobecompanyforTHEPARLOUR，ashecalledit，waswhathecouldnotbear。A
veryignorantyoungfellow，whohadplaguedusallfornineortenmonths，diedatlastconsumptive。"Ithink，"saidMr。Johnson，whenheheardthenews，"IamafraidIshouldhavebeenmoreconcernedforthedeathoftheDOG;but——"（hesitatingawhile）"Iamnotwrongnowinallthis，forthedogacteduptohischaracteroneveryoccasionthatweknow;butthatdunceofafellowhelpedforwardthegeneraldisgraceofhumanity。""Why，dearsir，"saidI，"howoddyouare！youhaveoftensaidtheladwasnotcapableofreceivingfurtherinstruction。""Hewas，"repliedtheDoctor，"likeacorkedbottle，withadropofdirtywaterinit，tobesure;onemightpumpuponitforeverwithoutthesmallesteffect;butwheneverymethodtoopenandcleanithadbeentried，youwouldnothavemegrievethatthebottlewasbrokeatlast。"
Thiswasthesameyouthwhotoldushehadbeenreading"LuciusFlorus;"
FlorusDelphiniwasthephrase。"Andmymother，"saidhe，"thoughtithadsomethingtodowithDelphos;butofthatIknownothing。""WhofoundedRome，then？"inquiredMr。Thrale。Theladreplied，"Romulus。""AndwhosucceededRomulus？"saidI。Alongpause，andapparentlydistressfulhesitation，followedthedifficultquestion。"Whywillyouaskhimintermsthathedoesnotcomprehend？"saidMr。Johnson，enraged。"YoumightaswellbidhimtellyouwhophlebotomisedRomulus。Thisfellow’sdulnessiselastic，"continuedhe，"andallwedoisbutlikekickingatawoolsack。"
Thepainshetook，however，toobtaintheyoungmanmorepatientinstructorsweremany，andoftentimesrepeated。Hewasputunderthecareofaclergymaninadistantprovince;andMr。Johnsonusedbothtowriteandtalktohisfriendsconcerninghiseducation。ItwasonthatoccasionthatIrememberhissaying，"AboyshouldneverbesenttoEtonorWestminsterSchoolbeforeheistwelveyearsoldatleast;forifinhisyearsofbabyhoodheescapesthatgeneralandtranscendentknowledgewithoutwhichlifeisperpetuallyputtoastand，hewillnevergetitatapublicschool，where，ifhedoesnotlearnLatinandGreek，helearnsnothing。"Mr。Johnsonoftensaid，"thattherewastoomuchstresslaiduponliteratureasindispensablynecessary：thereissurelynoneedthateverybodyshouldbeascholar，nocallthateveryoneshouldsquarethecircle。Ourmannerofteaching，"saidhe，"crampsandwarpsmanyamind，whichifleftmoreatlibertywouldhavebeenrespectableinsomeway，thoughperhapsnotinthat。Welopourtrees，andprunethem，andpinchthemabout，"hewouldsay，"andnailthemtightuptothewall，whileagoodstandardisatlasttheonlythingforbearinghealthyfruit，thoughitcommonlybeginslater。Letthepeoplelearnnecessaryknowledge;letthemlearntocounttheirfingers，andtocounttheirmoney，beforetheyarecaringfortheclassics;for，"saysMr。Johnson，"thoughIdonotquiteagreewiththeproverb，thatNullumnumenabestsisitprudentia，yetwemayverywellsay，thatNullumnumenadest——nisitprudentia。"
Wehadbeenvisitingatalady’shouse，whomaswereturnedsomeofthecompanyridiculedforherignorance。"Sheisnotignorant，"saidhe，"I
believe，ofanythingshehasbeentaught，orofanythingsheisdesiroustoknow：andIsupposeifonewantedalittleRUNTEA，shemightbeaproperpersonenoughtoapplyto。"
WhenIrelatethesevariousinstancesofcontemptuousbehaviourshowntoavarietyofpeople，IamawarethatthosewhotillnowhaveheardlittleofMr。Johnsonwillherecryoutagainsthisprideandhisseverity;yetI
havebeenascarefulasIcouldtotellthemthatallhedidwasgentle，ifallhesaidwasrough。HadIgivenanecdotesofhisactionsinsteadofhiswords，weshould，Iamsure，havehadnothingonrecordbutactsofvirtuedifferentlymodified，asdifferentoccasionscalledthatvirtueforth：andamongalltheninebiographicalessaysorperformanceswhichIhaveheardwillatlastbewrittenaboutdearDr。Johnson，nomeanorwretched，nowickedorevenslightlyculpableactionwill，Itrust，befound，toproduceandputinthescaleagainstalifeofseventyyears，spentintheuniformpracticeofeverymoralexcellenceandeveryChristianperfection，savehumilityalone，saysacritic，butthatIthinkMUSTbeexcepted。Hewasnot，however，wantingeveninthattoadegreeseldomattainedbyman，whenthedutiesofpietyorcharitycalleditforth。
LowlytowardsGod，anddociletowardstheChurch;implicitinhisbeliefoftheGospel，andeverrespectfultowardsthepeopleappointedtopreachit;
tenderoftheunhappy，andaffectionatetothepoor，letnoonehastilycondemnasproudacharacterwhichmayperhapssomewhatjustlybecensuredasarrogant。Itmust，however，berememberedagain，thateventhisarrogancewasnevershownwithoutsomeintention，immediateorremote，ofmendingsomefaultorconveyingsomeinstruction。HadImeanttomakeapanegyriconMr。Johnson’swell—knownexcellences，Ishouldhavetoldhisdeedsonly，nothiswords——sincerelyprotesting，thatasIneversawhimoncedoawrongthing，sowehadaccustomedourselvestolookuponhimalmostasanexceptedbeing：andIshouldasmuchhaveexpectedinjusticefromSocrates，orimpietyfromPaschal，astheslightestdeviationfromtruthandgoodnessinanytransactiononemightbeengagedinwithSamuelJohnson。Hisattentiontoveracitywaswithoutequalorexample：andwhenImentionedClarissaasaperfectcharacter;"Onthecontrary，"saidhe，"youmayobservethereisalwayssomethingwhichshepreferstotruth。
Fielding’sAmeliawasthemostpleasingheroineofalltheromances，"hesaid，"butthatvilebrokennose，nevercured，ruinedthesaleofperhapstheonlybook，whichbeingprintedoffbetimesonemorning，aneweditionwascalledforbeforenight。"
Mr。Johnson’sknowledgeofliteraryhistorywasextensiveandsurprising。
Hekneweveryadventureofeverybookyoucouldnamealmost，andwasexceedinglypleasedwiththeopportunitywhichwritingthe"Poets’Lives"
gavehimtodisplayit。Helovedtobesetatwork，andwassorrywhenhecametotheendofthebusinesshewasabout。Idonotfeelsomyselfwithregardtothesesheets：afeverwhichhaspreyedonmewhileIwrotethemoverforthepress，willperhapslessenmypowerofdoingwellthefirst，andprobablythelastworkIshouldeverhavethoughtofpresentingtothepublic。Icoulddoubtlesswishsotoconcludeit，asatleasttoshowmyzealformyfriend，whoselife，asIoncehadthehonourandhappinessofbeingusefulto，Ishouldwishtorecordafewparticulartraitsof，thatthosewhoreadshouldemulatehisgoodness;butfeelingthenecessityofmakingevenvirtueandlearningsuchasHISagreeable，thatallshouldbewarnedagainstsuchcoarsenessofmanners，asdroveevenfromHIMthosewholoved，honoured，andesteemedhim。Hiswife’sdaughter，Mrs。LucyPorter，ofLichfield，whosevenerationforhispersonandcharacterhaseverbeenthegreatestpossible，beingopposedonedayinconversationbyaclergymanwhocameoftentoherhouse，andfeelingsomewhatoffended，criedoutsudden，"Why，Mr。Pearson，"saidshe，"youarejustlikeDr。Johnson，I
think：IdonotmeanthatyouareamanofthegreatestcapacityinalltheworldlikeDr。Johnson，butthatyoucontradictoneeverywordonespeaks，justlikehim。"
Mr。Johnsontoldmethestory：hewaspresentatthegivingofthereproof。Itwas，however，observable，thatwithallhisoddseverity，hecouldnotkeepevenindifferentpeoplefromteasinghimwithunaccountableconfessionsofsillyconduct，whichonewouldthinktheywouldscarcelyhavehadinclinationtorevealeventotheirtenderestandmostintimatecompanions;anditwasfromtheseunaccountablevolunteersinsinceritythathelearnedtowarntheworldagainstfollieslittleknown，andseldomthoughtonbyothermoralists。
Muchofhiseloquence，andmuchofhislogic，haveIheardhimusetopreventmenfrommakingvowsontrivialoccasions;andwhenhesawapersonoddlyperplexedaboutaslightdifficulty，"Letthemanalone，"hewouldsay，"andtormenthimnomoreaboutit;thereisavowinthecase，Iamconvinced;butisitnotverystrangethatpeopleshouldbeneitherafraidnorashamedofbringinginGodAlmightythusateveryturnbetweenthemselvesandtheirdinner？"WhenIaskedwhatgroundhehadforsuchimaginations，heinformedme，"Thatayoungladyoncetoldhiminconfidencethatshecouldneverpersuadeherselftobedressedagainstthebellrungfordinner，tillshehadmadeavowtoheaventhatshewouldnevermorebeabsentfromthefamilymeals。"
ThestrangestapplicationsintheworldwerecertainlymadefromtimetotimetowardsMr。Johnson，whobythatmeanshadaninexhaustiblefundofancecdote，andcould，ifhepleased，tellthemostastonishingstoriesofhumanfollyandhumanweaknessthateverwereconfidedtoanymannotaconfessorbyprofession。
Oneday，whenhewasinahumourtorecordsomeofthem，hetoldusthefollowingtale：——"Aperson，"saidhe，"hadfortheselastfiveweeksoftencalledatmydoor，butwouldnotleavehisnameorothermessage，butthathewishedtospeakwithme。Atlastwemet，andhetoldmethathewasoppressedbyscruplesofconscience。Iblamedhimgentlyfornotapplying，astherulesofourChurchdirect，tohisparishpriestorotherdiscreetclergyman;when，aftersomecomplimentsonhispart，hetoldmethathewasclerktoaveryeminenttrader，atwhosewarehousesmuchbusinessconsistedinpackinggoodsinordertogoabroad;thathewasoftentemptedtotakepaperandpackthreadenoughforhisownuse，andthathehadindeeddonesosooften，thathecouldrecollectnotimewhenheeverhadboughtanyforhimself。’Butprobably，’saidI，’yourmasterwaswhollyindifferentwithregardtosuchtrivialemoluments。Youhadbetteraskforitatonce，andsotakeyourtrifleswithcontent。’’Oh，sir！’repliesthevisitor，’mymasterbidmehaveasmuchasIpleased，andwashalfangrywhenItalkedtohimaboutit。’’Thenpray，sir，’saidI，’teasemenomoreaboutsuchairynothings，’andwasgoingontobeveryangry，whenIrecollectedthatthefellowmightbemad，perhaps;soIaskedhim，’Whenheleftthecounting—houseofanevening？’’Atseveno’clock，sir。’’Andwhendoyougotobed，sir？’’Attwelveo’clock。’’Then，’repliedI，’Ihaveatleastlearntthusmuchbymynewacquaintance——thatfivehoursofthefour—and—twentyunemployedareenoughforamantogomadin;soIwouldadviseyou，sir，tostudyalgebra，ifyouarenotanadeptalreadyinit。
YourheadwouldgetlessMUDDY，andyouwillleaveofftormentingyourneighboursaboutpaperandpackthread，whilewealllivetogetherinaworldthatisburstingwithsinandsorrow。’Itisperhapsneedlesstoaddthatthisvisitorcamenomore。"
Mr。Johnsonhad，indeed，arealabhorrenceofapersonthathadeverbeforehimtreatedalittlethinglikeagreatone;andhequotedthisscrupulousgentlemanwithhispackthreadveryoften，inridiculeofafriendwho，lookingoutonStreathamCommonfromourwindows，oneday，lamentedtheenormouswickednessofthetimesbecausesomebird—catcherswerebusythereonefineSundaymorning。"WhilehalftheChristianworldispermitted，"
saidhe，"todanceandsingandcelebrateSundayasadayoffestivity，howcomesyourPuritanicalspiritsooffendedwithfrivolousandemptydeviationsfromexactness？Whoeverloadslifewithunnecessaryscruples，sir，"continuedhe，"provokestheattentionofothersonhisconduct，andincursthecensureofsingularitywithoutreapingtherewardofsuperiorvirtue。"
Imustnot，amongtheanecdotesofDr。Johnson’slife，omittorelateathingthathappenedtohimoneday，whichhetoldmeofhimself。AshewaswalkingalongtheStrandagentlemansteppedoutofsomeneighbouringtavern，withhisnapkininhishand，andnohat，andstoppinghimascivilyashecould，"Ibegyourpardon，sir，butyouareDr。Johnson，Ibelieve？"
"Yes，sir。""Wehaveawagerdependingonyourreply。Pray，sir，isitirr_e_parableorirrep_air_ablethatoneshouldsay？""TheLAST，Ithink，sir，"answeredDr。Johnson，"fortheadverboughttofollowtheverb;butyouhadbetterconsultmy’Dictionary’thanme，forthatwastheresultofmorethoughtthanyouwillnowgivemetimefor。""No，no，"repliedthegentleman，gaily，"thebookIhavenocertaintyatallof，buthereistheAUTHOR，towhomIreferred。Ishenot，sir？"——toafriendwithhim。"I
havewonmytwentyguineasquitefairly，andammuchobligedtoyou，sir;"
andsoshakingMr。Johnsonkindlybythehand，hewentbacktofinishhisdinnerordessert。
Anotherstrangethinghetoldmeoncewhichtherewasnodangerofforgetting;howayounggentlemancalledonhimonemorning，andtoldhimthathisfatherhaving，justbeforehisdeath，droppedsuddenlyintotheenjoymentofanamplefortune，he（theson）waswillingtoqualifyhimselfforgenteelsocietybyaddingsomeliteraturetohisotherendowments，andwishedtobeputinaneasywayofobtainingit。Dr。Johnsonrecommendedtheuniversity，"foryoureadLatin，sir，withFACILITY？""Ireaditalittle，tobesure，sir。""ButdoyoureaditWITHFACILITY，Isay？"
"Uponmyword，sir，Idonotverywellknow，butIratherbelievenot。"
Mr。Johnsonnowbegantorecommendotherbranchesofscience，whenhefoundlanguagesatsuchanimmeasurabledistance，andadvisinghimtostudynaturalhistory，therearosesometalkaboutanimals，andtheirdivisionsintooviparousandviviparous。"Andthecathere，sir，"saidtheyouth，whowishedforinstruction;"prayinwhatclassisshe？"OurDoctor’spatienceanddesireofdoinggoodbegannowtogivewaytothenaturalroughnessofhistemper。"Youwoulddowell，"saidhe，"tolookforsomepersontobealwaysaboutyou，sir，whoiscapableofexplainingsuchmatters，andnotcometous"——thereweresomeliteraryfriendspresent，asIrecollect——"toknowwhetherthecatlayseggsornot。Getadiscreetmantokeepyoucompany：therearesomanywhowouldbegladofyourtableandfiftypoundsayear。"Theyounggentlemanretired，andinlessthanaweekinformedhisfriendsthathehadfixedonapreceptortowhomnoobjectionscouldbemade;butwhenhenamedassuchoneofthemostdistinguishedcharactersinourageornation，Mr。Johnsonfairlygavehimselfuptoanhonestburstoflaughter;andseeingthisyouthatsuchasurprisingdistancefromcommonknowledgeoftheworld，orofanythinginit，desiredtoseehisvisitornomore。
Hehadnotmuchbetterluckwithtwoboysthatheusedtotellof，towhomhehadtaughttheclassics，"sothat，"hesaid，"theywerenoincompetentormeanscholars。"Itwasnecessary，however，thatsomethingmorefamiliarshouldbeknown，andhebidthemreadtheHistoryofEngland。Afterafewmonthshadelapsedheaskedthem，"Iftheycouldrecollectwhofirstdestroyedthemonasteriesinourisland？"Onemodestlyrepliedthathedidnotknow;theothersaidJESUSCHRIST！
OfthetruthofstorieswhichrancurrentlyaboutthetownconcerningDr。
Johnsonitwasimpossibletobecertain，unlessoneaskedhimhimself，andwhathetold，orsufferedtobetold，beforehisfacewithoutcontradicting，haseverypublicmark，Ithink，ofrealandgenuineauthenticity。Imade，oneday，veryminuteinquiriesaboutthetaleofhisknockingdownthefamousTomOsbornewithhisown"Dictionary"intheman’sownhouse。"Andhowwasthataffair？Inearnest？Dotellme，Mr。
Johnson？""Thereisnothingtotell，dearestlady，butthathewasinsolent，andIbeathim，andthathewasablockhead，andtoldofit，whichIshouldneverhavedone。Sotheblowshavebeenmultiplyingandthewonderthickeningforalltheseyears，asThomaswasneverafavouritewiththepublic。Ihavebeatmanyafellow，buttheresthadthewittoholdtheirtongues。"
IhaveheardMr。Murphyrelateaverysingularstory，whilehewaspresent，greatlytothecreditofhisuncommonskillandknowledgeoflifeandmanners。Whenfirstthe"Ramblers"cameoutinseparatenumbers，astheyweretheobjectsofattentiontomultitudesofpeople，theyhappened，asitseems，particularlytoattractthenoticeofasocietywhometeverySaturdayeveningduringthesummeratRomfordinEssex，andwereknownbythenameoftheBowling—GreenClub。ThesemenseeingonedaythecharacterofLeviculus，thefortune—hunter，orTetrica，theoldmaid：anotherdaysomeaccountofapersonwhospenthislifeinhopingforalegacy，orofhimwhoisalwayspryingintootherfolks’affairs，begansureenoughtothinktheywerebetrayed，andthatsomeofthecoteriesatedowntodiverthimselfbygivingtothepublictheportraitofalltherest。FilledwithwrathagainstthetraitorofRomford，oneofthemresolvedtowritetotheprinter，andinquiretheauthor’sname。SamuelJohnson，wasthereply。Nomorewasnecessary;SamuelJohnsonwasthenameofthecurate，andsoondideachbegintoloadhimwithreproachesforturninghisfriendsintoridiculeinamannersocruelandunprovoked。Invaindidtheguiltlesscurateprotesthisinnocence;onewassurethatAligumeantMr。Twigg，andthatCupiduswasbutanothernameforneighbourBaggs，tillthepoorparson，unabletocontendanylonger，rodetoLondon，andbroughtthemfullsatisfactionconcerningthewriter，who，fromhisownknowledgeofgeneralmanners，quickenedbyavigorousandwarmimagination，hadhappilydelineated，thoughunknowntohimself，themembersoftheBowling—GreenClub。
Mr。MurphylikewiseusedtotellbeforeDr。Johnson，ofthefirsttimeTHEY
met，andtheoccasionoftheirmeeting，whichherelatedthus。Thatbeinginthosedaysengagedinaperiodicalpaper，hefoundhimselfatafriend’shouseoutoftown;andnotbeingdisposedtolosepleasureforthesakeofbusiness，wishedrathertocontenthisbooksellerbysendingsomeunstudiedessaytoLondonbytheservant，thandenyhimselfthecompanyofhisacquaintance，anddriveawaytohischambersforthepurposeofwritingsomethingmorecorrect。HethereforetookupaFrenchJournalLitterairethatlayabouttheroom，andtranslatingsomethinghelikedfromit，sentitawaywithoutfurtherexamination。Time，however，discoveredthathehadtranslatedfromtheFrencha"Rambler"ofJohnson’s，whichhadbeenbutamonthbeforetakenfromtheEnglish;andthinkingitrighttomakehimhispersonalexcuses，hewentnextday，andfoundourfriendallcoveredwithsootlikeachimney—sweeper，inalittleroom，withanintolerableheatandstrangesmell，asifhehadbeenactingLungsinthe’Alchymist，’makingaether。"Come，come，"saysDr。Johnson，"dearMur，thestoryisblackenoughnow;anditwasaveryhappydayformethatbroughtyoufirsttomyhouse，andaveryhappymistakeaboutthe’Ramblers。’"
Dr。Johnsonwasalwaysexceedingfondofchemistry;andwemadeupasortoflaboratoryatStreathamonesummer，anddivertedourselveswithdrawingessencesandcolouringliquors。ButthedangerMr。ThralefoundhisfriendinonedaywhenIwasdriventoLondon，andhehadgotthechildrenandservantsroundhimtoseesomeexperimentsperformed，putanendtoallourentertainment，sowellwasthemasterofthehousepersuadedthathisshortsightwouldhavebeenhisdestructioninamoment，bybringinghimclosetoafierceandviolentflame。Indeed，itwasaperpetualmiraclethathedidnotsethimselfonfirereadinga—bed，aswashisconstantcustom，whenexceedinglyunableeventokeepclearofmischiefwithourbesthelp;andaccordinglythefore—topofallhiswigswereburnedbythecandledowntotheverynetwork。Mr。Thrale’svaletdechambre，forthatreason，keptonealwaysinhisownhands，withwhichhemethimattheparlour—doorwhenthebellhadcalledhimdowntodinner，andashewentupstairstosleepintheafternoon，thesamemanconstantlyfollowedhimwithanother。
Futureexperimentsinchemistry，however，weretoodangerous，andMr。
ThraleinsistedthatweshoulddonomoretowardsfindingthePhilosopher’sStone。
Mr。Johnson’samusementswerethusreducedtothepleasuresofconversationmerely。Andwhatwonderthatheshouldhaveanavidityforthesoledelighthewasabletoenjoy？Nomanconversedsowellasheoneverysubject;nomansoacutelydiscernedthereasonofeveryfact，themotiveofeveryaction，theendofeverydesign。Hewasindeedoftenpainedbytheignoranceorcauselesswonderofthosewhoknewlessthanhimself，thoughheseldomdrovethemawaywithapparentscorn，unlesshethoughttheyaddedpresumptiontostupidity。Anditwasimpossiblenottolaughatthepatienceheshowed，whenaWelshparsonofmeanabilities，thoughagoodheart，struckwithreverenceatthesightofDr。Johnson，whomhehadheardofasthegreatestmanliving，couldnotfindanywordstoanswerhisinquiriesconcerningamottoroundsomebody’sarmswhichadornedatombstoneinRuabonchurchyard。IfIrememberrightthewordswere——
"HebDw，HebDym，Dwo’diggon。"
Andthoughofnoverydifficultconstruction，thegentlemanseemedwhollyconfounded，andunabletoexplainthem;tillMr。Johnson，havingpickedoutthemeaningbylittleandlittle，saidtotheman，"Hebisapreposition，I
believe，sir，isitnot？"Mycountrymanrecoveringsomespiritsuponthesuddenquestion，criedout，"SoIhumblypresume，sir，"verycomically。