INTRODUCTION
BOOKI
CHAPTERI。
Theauthordies，meetswithMercury，andisbyhimconductedtothestagewhichsetsoutfortheotherworldCHAPTERII。
Inwhichtheauthorfirstrefutessomeidleopinionsconcerningspirits，andthenthepassengersrelatetheirseveraldeaths。
CHAPTERIII。
TheadventureswemetwithintheCityofDiseasesCHAPTERIV。
Discoursesontheroad，andadescriptionofthepalaceofDeathCHAPTERV。
Thetravelersproceedontheirjourney，andmeetseveralspiritswhoarecomingintothefleshCHAPTERVI。
Anaccountofthewheeloffortune，withamethodofpreparingaspiritforthisworldCHAPTERVII。
TheproceedingsofjudgeMinosatthegateofElysiumCHAPTERVIII。
TheadventureswhichtheauthormetonhisfirstentranceintoElysiumCHAPTERIX。
MoreadventuresinElysiumCHAPTERX。
TheauthorissurprisedatmeetingJuliantheapostateinElysium;
butissatisfiedbyhimbywhatmeansheprocuredhisentrancethere。
JulianrelateshisadventuresinthecharacterofaslaveCHAPTERXI。
InwhichJulianrelateshisadventuresinthecharacterofanavariciousJewCHAPTERXII。
WhathappenedtoJulianinthecharactersofageneral，anheir，acarpenter，andabeauCHAPTERXIII。
JulianpassesintoafopCHAPTERXIV。
AdventuresinthepersonofamonkCHAPTERXV。
JulianpassesintothecharacterofafiddlerCHAPTERXVI。
ThehistoryofthewisemanCHAPTERXVII。
JulianentersintothepersonofakingCHAPTERXVIII。
JulianpassesintoafoolCHAPTERXIX。
JulianappearsinthecharacterofabeggarCHAPTERXX。
JulianperformsthepartofastatesmanCHAPTERXXI。
Julian’sadventuresinthepostofasoldierCHAPTERXXII。
WhathappenedtoJulianinthepersonofatailorCHAPTERXXIII。
ThelifeofaldermanJulianCHAPTERXXIV。
JulianrecountswhathappenedtohimwhilehewasapoetCHAPTERXXV。
Julianperformsthepartsofaknightandadancing—masterBOOKXIX
CHAPTERVII。
WhereinAnnaBoleynrelatesthehistoryofherlifeAJOURNEYFROMTHISWORLDTOTHENEXT
INTRODUCTION
Whethertheensuingpageswerereallythedreamorvisionofsomeverypiousandholyperson;orwhethertheywerereallywrittenintheotherworld，andsentbacktothis，whichistheopinionofmany（thoughIthinktoomuchincliningtosuperstition）;orlastly，whether，asinfinitelythegreatestpartimagine，theywerereallytheproductionofsomechoiceinhabitantofNewBethlehem，isnotnecessarynoreasytodetermine。ItwillbeabundantlysufficientifIgivethereaderanaccountbywhatmeanstheycameintomypossession。Mr。RobertPowney，stationer，whodwellsoppositetoCatherine—streetintheStrand，averyhonestmanandofgreatgravityofcountenance;who，amongotherexcellentstationerycommodities，isparticularlyeminentforhispens，whichIamabundantlyboundtoacknowledge，asI
owetotheirpeculiargoodnessthatmymanuscriptshavebyanymeansbeenlegible：thisgentleman，Isay，furnishedmesometimesincewithabundleofthosepens，wrappedupwithgreatcareandcaution，inaverylargesheetofpaperfullofcharacters，writtenasitseemedinaverybadhand。Now，Ihaveasurprisingcuriositytoreadeverythingwhichisalmostillegible;partlyperhapsfromthesweetremembranceofthedearScrawls，Skrawls，orSkrales（forthewordisvariouslyspelled），whichIhaveinmyyouthreceivedfromthatlovelypartofthecreationforwhichIhavethetenderestregard;andpartlyfromthattemperofmindwhichmakesmensetanimmensevalueonoldmanuscriptssoeffaced，bustoessomaimed，andpicturessoblackthatnoonecantellwhattomakeofthem。Ithereforeperusedthissheetwithwonderfulapplication，andinaboutaday’stimediscoveredthatIcouldnotunderstandit。IimmediatelyrepairedtoMr。Powney，andinquiredveryeagerlywhetherhehadnotmoreofthesamemanuscript？Heproducedaboutonehundredpages，acquaintingmethathehadsavednomore;butthatthebookwasoriginallyahugefolio，hadbeenleftinhisgarretbyagentlemanwholodgedthere，andwhohadlefthimnoothersatisfactionforninemonths’lodging。Heproceededtoinformmethatthemanuscripthadbeenhawkedabout（ashephrasedit）
amongallthebooksellers，whorefusedtomeddle;someallegedthattheycouldnotread，othersthattheycouldnotunderstandit。Somewouldhazeittobeanatheisticalbook，andsomethatitwasalibelonthegovernment;foroneorotherofwhichreasonstheyallrefusedtoprintit。ThatithadbeenlikewiseshowntotheR——lSociety，buttheyshooktheirheads，saying，therewasnothinginitwonderfulenoughforthem。That，hearingthegentlemanwasgonetotheWest—Indies，andbelievingittobegoodfornothingelse，hehaduseditaswastepaper。HesaidI
waswelcometowhatremained，andhewasheartilysorryforwhatwasmissing，asIseemedtosetsomevalueonit。
Idesiredhimmuchtonameaprice：buthewouldreceivenoconsiderationfartherthanthepaymentofasmallbillIowedhim，whichatthattimehesaidhelookedonassomuchmoneygivenhim。
IpresentlycommunicatedthismanuscripttomyfriendparsonAbrahamAdams，who，afteralongandcarefulperusal，returneditmewithhisopinionthattherewasmoreinitthanatfirstappeared;thattheauthorseemednotentirelyunacquaintedwiththewritingsofPlato;buthewishedhehadquotedhimsometimesinhismargin，thatImightbesure（saidhe）hehadreadhimintheoriginal：fornothing，continuedtheparson，iscommonerthanformennow—a—daystopretendtohavereadGreekauthors，whohavemetwiththemonlyintranslations，andcannotconjugateaverbinmi。
Todelivermyownsentimentsontheoccasion，Ithinktheauthordiscoversaphilosophicalturnofthinking，withsomelittleknowledgeoftheworld，andnoveryinadequatevalueofit。
Therearesomeindeedwho，fromthevivacityoftheirtemperandthehappinessoftheirstation，arewillingtoconsideritsblessingsasmoresubstantial，andthewholetobeasceneofmoreconsequencethanitishererepresented：but，withoutcontrovertingtheiropinionsatpresent，thenumberofwiseandgoodmenwhohavethoughtwithourauthoraresufficienttokeephimincountenance：norcanthisbeattendedwithanyillinference，sinceheeverywhereteachesthismoral：Thatthegreatestandtruesthappinesswhichthisworldaffords，istobefoundonlyinthepossessionofgoodnessandvirtue;adoctrinewhich，asitisundoubtedlytrue，sohathitsonobleandpracticalatendency，thatitcanneverbetoooftenortoostronglyinculcatedonthemindsofmen。
BOOKI
CHAPTERI
Theauthordies，meetswithMercury，andisbyhimconductedtothestagewhichsetsoutfortheotherworld。
OnthefirstdayofDecember1741[1]IdepartedthislifeatmylodgingsinCheapside。MybodyhadbeensometimedeadbeforeI
wasatlibertytoquitit，lestitshouldbyanyaccidentreturntolife：thisisaninjunctionimposedonallsoulsbytheeternallawoffate，topreventtheinconvenienceswhichwouldfollow。Assoonasthedestinedperiodwasexpired（beingnolongerthantillthebodyisbecomeperfectlycoldandstiff）I
begantomove;butfoundmyselfunderadifficultyofmakingmyescape，forthemouthordoorwasshut，sothatitwasimpossibleformetogooutatit;andthewindows，vulgarlycalledtheeyes，weresocloselypulleddownbythefingersofanurse，thatIcouldbynomeansopenthem。AtlastIperceivedabeamoflightglimmeringatthetopofthehouse（forsuchImaycallthebodyIhadbeeninclosedin），whitherascending，Igentlyletmyselfdownthroughakindofchimney，andissuedoutatthenostrils。
[1]Somedoubtwhetherthisshouldnotberather1641，whichisadatemoreagreeabletotheaccountgivenofitintheintroduction：butthentherearesomepassageswhichseemtorelatetotransactionsinfinitelylater，evenwithinthisyearortwo。Tosaythetruththerearedifficultiesattendingeitherconjecture;sothereadermaytakewhichhepleases。
NoprisonerdischargedfromalongconfinementevertastedthesweetsoflibertywithamoreexquisiterelishthanIenjoyedinthisdeliveryfromadungeonwhereinIhadbeendetainedupwardsoffortyyears，andwithmuchthesamekindofregardIcastmyeyes[2]backwardsuponit。
[2]Eyesarenotperhapssoproperlyadaptedtoaspiritualsubstance;butwearehere，asinmanyotherplaces，obligedtousecorporealtermstomakeourselvesthebetterunderstood。
Myfriendsandrelationshadallquittedtheroom，beingall（asIplainlyoverheard）veryloudlyquarrelingbelowstairsaboutmywill;therewasonlyanoldwomanleftabovetoguardthebody，asIapprehend。Shewasinafastsleep，occasioned，asfromhersavoritseemed，byacomfortabledoseofgin。Ihadnopleasureinthiscompany，and，therefore，asthewindowwaswideopen，I
salliedforthintotheopenair：but，tomygreatastonishment，foundmyselfunabletofly，whichIhadalwaysduringmyhabitationinthebodyconceivedofspirits;however，IcamesolightlytothegroundthatIdidnothurtmyself;and，thoughI
hadnotthegiftofflying（owingprobablytomyhavingneitherfeathersnorwings），Iwascapableofhoppingsuchaprodigiouswayatonce，thatitservedmyturnalmostaswell。IhadnothoppedfarbeforeIperceivedatallyounggentlemaninasilkwaistcoat，withawingonhisleftheel，agarlandonhishead，andacaduceusinhisrighthand。[3]IthoughtIhadseenthispersonbefore，buthadnottimetorecollectwhere，whenhecalledouttomeandaskedmehowlongIhadbeendeparted。I
answeredIwasjustcomeforth。"Youmustnotstayhere，"
repliedhe，"unlessyouhadbeenmurdered：inwhichcase，indeed，youmighthavebeensufferedtowalksometime;butifyoudiedanaturaldeathyoumustsetoutfortheotherworldimmediately。"Idesiredtoknowtheway。"O，"criedthegentleman，"Iwillshowyoutotheinnwhencethestageproceeds;
forIamtheporter。Perhapsyouneverheardofme——mynameisMercury。""Sure，sir，"saidI，"Ihaveseenyouattheplay—
house。"Uponwhichhesmiled，and，withoutsatisfyingmeastothatpoint，walkeddirectlyforward，biddingmehopafterhim。I
obeyedhim，andsoonfoundmyselfinWarwick—lane;whereMercury，makingafullstop，pointedataparticularhouse，wherehebademeenquireforthestage，and，wishingmeagoodjourney，tookhisleave，sayinghemustgoseekafterothercustomers。
[3]Thisisthedressinwhichthegodappearstomortalsatthetheaters。Oneoftheofficesattributedtothisgodbytheancients，wastocollecttheghostsasashepherddothaflockofsheep，anddrivethemwithhiswandintotheotherworld。
Iarrivedjustasthecoachwassettingout，andfoundIhadnoreasonforinquiry;foreverypersonseemedtoknowmybusinessthemomentIappearedatthedoor：thecoachmantoldmehishorseswereto，butthathehadnoplaceleft;however，thoughtherewerealreadysix，thepassengersofferedtomakeroomforme。Ithankedthem，andascendedwithoutmuchceremony。Weimmediatelybeganourjourney，beingseveninnumber;for，asthewomenworenohoops，threeofthemwerebutequaltotwomen。
Perhaps，reader，thoumayestbepleasedwithanaccountofthiswholeequipage，asperadventurethouwiltnot，whilealive，seeanysuch。Thecoachwasmadebyaneminenttoyman，whoiswellknowntodealinimmaterialsubstance，thatbeingthematterofwhichitwascompounded。Theworkwassoextremelyfine，thatitwasentirelyinvisibletothehumaneye。Thehorseswhichdrewthisextraordinaryvehiclewereallspiritual，aswellasthepassengers。Theyhad，indeed，alldiedintheserviceofacertainpostmaster;andasforthecoachman，whowasaverythinpieceofimmaterialsubstance，hehadthehonorwhilealiveofdrivingtheGreatPeter，orPetertheGreat，inwhoseservicehissoul，aswellasbody，wasalmoststarvedtodeath。SuchwasthevehicleinwhichIsetout，andnow，thosewhoarenotwillingtotravelonwithmemay，iftheyplease，stophere;thosewhoare，mustproceedtothesubsequentchapters，inwhichthisjourneyiscontinued。
CHAPTERII
Inwhichtheauthorfirstrefutessomeidleopinionsconcerningspirits，andthenthepassengersrelatetheirseveraldeaths。
Itisthecommonopinionthatspirits，likeowls，canseeinthedark;nay，andcanthenmosteasilybeperceivedbyothers。Forwhichreason，manypersonsofgoodunderstanding，topreventbeingterrifiedwithsuchobjects，usuallykeepacandleburningbythem，thatthelightmaypreventtheirseeing。Mr。Locke，indirectoppositiontothis，hathnotdoubtedtoassertthatyoumayseeaspiritinopendaylightfullaswellasinthedarkestnight。
Itwasverydarkwhenwesetoutfromtheinn，norcouldweseeanymorethanifeverysoulofushadbeenalive。Wehadtraveledagoodwaybeforeanyoneofferedtoopenhismouth;
indeed，mostofthecompanywerefastasleep，[4]but，asIcouldnotclosemyowneyes，andperceivedthespiritwhosatoppositetometobelikewiseawake，Ibegantomakeoverturesofconversation，bycomplainingHOWDARKITWAS。"Andextremelycoldtoo，"answeredmyfellowtraveler;"though，IthankGod，asIhavenobody，Ifeelnoinconveniencefromit：butyouwillbelieve，sir，thatthisfrostyairmustseemverysharptoonejustissuedforthoutofanoven;forsuchwastheinflamedhabitationIamlatelydepartedfrom。""Howdidyoucometoyourend，sir？"saidI。"Iwasmurdered，sir，"answeredthegentleman。"Iamsurprisedthen，"repliedI，"thatyoudidnotdivertyourselfbywalkingupanddownandplayingsomemerrytrickswiththemurderer。""Oh，sir，"returnedhe，"Ihadnotthatprivilege，Iwaslawfullyputtodeath。Inshort，aphysiciansetmeonfire，bygivingmemedicinestothrowoutmydistemper。Idiedofahotregimen，astheycallit，inthesmall—pox。"
[4]ThosewhohavereadofthegodssleepinginHomerwillnotbesurprisedatthishappeningtospirits。
Oneofthespiritsatthatwordstartedupandcriedout，"Thesmall—pox！blessme！IhopeIamnotincompanywiththatdistemper，whichIhaveallmylifewithsuchcautionavoided，andhavesohappilyescapedhitherto！"Thisfrightsetallthepassengerswhowereawakeintoaloudlaughter;andthegentleman，recollectinghimself，withsomeconfusion，andnotwithoutblushing，askedpardon，crying，"IprotestIdreamedthatIwasalive。""Perhaps，sir，"saidI，"youdiedofthatdistemper，whichthereforemadesostronganimpressiononyou。"
"No，sir，"answeredhe，"Ineverhaditinmylife;butthecontinualanddreadfulapprehensionitkeptmesolongundercannot，Isee，besoimmediatelyeradicated。Youmustknow，sir，IavoidedcomingtoLondonforthirtyyearstogether，forfearofthesmall—pox，tillthemosturgentbusinessbroughtmethitheraboutfivedaysago。IwassodreadfullyafraidofthisdiseasethatIrefusedthesecondnightofmyarrivaltosupwithafriendwhosewifehadrecoveredofitseveralmonthsbefore，andthesameeveninggotasurfeitbyeatingtoomanymuscles，whichbroughtmeintothisgoodcompany。"
"Iwilllayawager，"criedthespiritwhosatnexthim，"thereisnotoneinthecoachabletoguessmydistemper。"Idesiredthefavorofhimtoacquaintuswithit，ifitwassouncommon。
"Why，sir，"saidhe，"Idiedofhonor。"——"Ofhonor，sir！"
repeatedI，withsomesurprise。"Yes，sir，"answeredthespirit，"ofhonor，forIwaskilledinaduel。"
"Formypart，"saidafairspirit，"Iwasinoculatedlastsummer，andhadthegoodfortunetoescapewithaveryfewmarksonmyface。Iesteemedmyselfnowperfectlyhappy，asIimaginedIhadnorestrainttoafullenjoymentofthediversionsofthetown;
butwithinafewdaysaftermycomingupIcaughtcoldbyoverdancingmyselfataball，andlastnightdiedofaviolentfever。"
Afterashortsilencewhichnowensued，thefairspiritwhospokelast，itbeingnowdaylight，addressedherselftoafemalewhosatnexther，andaskedhertowhatchancetheyowedthehappinessofhercompany。Sheanswered，sheapprehendedtoaconsumption，butthephysicianswerenotagreedconcerningherdistemper，forshelefttwooftheminaveryhotdisputeaboutitwhenshecameoutofherbody。"Andpray，madam，"saidthesamespirittothesixthpassenger，"Howcameyoutoleavetheotherworld？"Butthatfemalespirit，screwinguphermouth，answered，shewonderedatthecuriosityofsomepeople;thatperhapspersonshadalreadyheardsomereportsofherdeath，whichwerefarfrombeingtrue;that，whateverwastheoccasionofit，shewasgladatbeingdeliveredfromaworldinwhichshehadnopleasure，andwheretherewasnothingbutnonsenseandimpertinence;particularlyamongherownsex，whoselooseconductshehadlongbeenentirelyashamedof。
Thebeauteousspirit，perceivingherquestiongaveoffense，pursueditnofarther。Shehadindeedallthesweetnessandgood—humorwhicharesoextremelyamiable（whenfound）inthatsexwhichtendernessmostexquisitelybecomes。Hercountenancedisplayedallthecheerfulness，thegood—nature，andthemodesty，whichdiffusesuchbrightnessroundthebeautyofSeraphina，[5]
awingeverybeholderwithrespect，and，atthesametime，ravishinghimwithadmiration。Haditnotbeenindeedforourconversationonthesmall—pox，Ishouldhaveimaginedwehadbeenhonoredwithheridenticalpresence。Thisopinionmighthavebeenheightenedbythegoodsensesheutteredwhenevershespoke，bythedelicacyofhersentiments，andthecomplacenceofherbehavior，togetherwithacertaindignitywhichattendedeverylook，word，andgesture;qualitieswhichcouldnotfailmakinganimpressiononaheart[6]socapableofreceivingitasmine，norwasshelonginraisinginmeaveryviolentdegreeofseraphiclove。Idonotintendbythis，thatsortoflovewhichmenareveryproperlysaidtomaketowomeninthelowerworld，andwhichseldomlastsanylongerthanwhileitismaking。Imeanbyseraphicloveanextremedelicacyandtendernessoffriendship，ofwhich，myworthyreader，ifthouhastnoconception，asitisprobablethoumayestnot，myendeavortoinstructtheewouldbeasfruitlessasitwouldbetoexplainthemostdifficultproblemsofSirIsaacNewtontooneignorantofvulgararithmetic。
[5]Aparticularladyofqualityismeanthere;buteveryladyofquality，ornoquality，arewelcometoapplythecharactertothemselves。
[6]Wehavebeforemadeanapologyforthislanguage，whichwehererepeatforthelasttime;thoughtheheartmay，wehope，bemetaphoricallyusedherewithmoreproprietythanwhenweapplythosepassionstothebodywhichbelongtothesoul。
Toreturnthereforetomatterscomprehensiblebyallunderstandings：thediscoursenowturnedonthevanity，folly，andmiseryofthelowerworld，fromwhicheverypassengerinthecoachexpressedthehighestsatisfactioninbeingdelivered;
thoughitwasveryremarkablethat，notwithstandingthejoywedeclaredatourdeath，therewasnotoneofuswhodidnotmentiontheaccidentwhichoccasioneditasathingwewouldhaveavoidedifwecould。Nay，theverygraveladyherself，whowastheforwardestintestifyingherdelight，confessedinadvertentlythatsheleftaphysicianbyherbedside;andthegentlemanwhodiedofhonorveryliberallycursedbothhisfollyandhisfencing。Whilewewereentertainingourselveswiththesematters，onasuddenamostoffensivesmellbegantoinvadeournostrils。ThisverymuchresembledthesavorwhichtravelersinsummerperceiveattheirapproachtothatbeautifulvillageoftheHague，arisingfromthosedeliciouscanalswhich，astheyconsistofstandingwater，doatthattimeemitodorsgreatlyagreeabletoaDutchtaste，butnotsopleasanttoanyother。
Thoseperfumes，withtheassistanceofafairwind，begintoaffectpersonsofquickolfactorynervesataleague’sdistance，andincreasegraduallyasyouapproach。InthesamemannerdidthesmellIhavejustmentioned，moreandmoreinvadeus，tilloneofthespirits，lookingoutofthecoach—window，declaredwewerejustarrivedataverylargecity;andindeedhehadscarcesaidsobeforewefoundourselvesinthesuburbs，and，atthesametime，thecoachman，beingaskedbyanother，informedusthatthenameofthisplacewastheCityofDiseases。Theroadtoitwasextremelysmooth，and，exceptingtheabove—mentionedsavor，delightfullypleasant。Thestreetsofthesuburbswerelinedwithbagnios，taverns，andcooks’shops：inthefirstwesawseveralbeautifulwomen，butintawdrydresses，lookingoutatthewindows;andinthelatterwerevisiblyexposedallkindsoftherichestdainties;butonourenteringthecitywefound，contrarytoallwehadseenintheotherworld，thatthesuburbswereinfinitelypleasanterthanthecityitself。Itwasindeedaverydull，dark，andmelancholyplace。Fewpeopleappearedinthestreets，andthese，forthemostpart，wereoldwomen，andhereandthereaformalgravegentleman，whoseemedtobethinking，withlargetie—wigson，andamber—headedcanesintheirhands。Wewereallinhopesthatourvehiclewouldnotstophere;but，tooursorrow，thecoachsoondroveintoaninn，andwewereobligedtoalight。
CHAPTERIII
TheadventureswemetwithintheCityofDiseases。
Wehadnotbeenlongarrivedinourinn，whereitseemsweweretospendtheremainderoftheday，beforeourhostacquaintedusthatitwascustomaryforallspirits，intheirpassagethroughthatcity，topaytheirrespectstothatladyDisease，towhoseassistancetheyhadowedtheirdeliverancefromthelowerworld。
Weansweredweshouldnotfailinanycomplacencewhichwasusualtoothers;uponwhichourhostrepliedhewouldimmediatelysendporterstoconductus。HehadnotlongquittedtheroombeforewewereattendedbysomeofthosegravepersonswhomIhavebeforedescribedinlargetie—wigswithamber—headedcanes。
Thesegentlemenaretheticket—portersinthecity，andtheircanesaretheinsignia，ortickets，denotingtheiroffice。Weinformedthemoftheseveralladiestowhomwewereobliged，andwerepreparingtofollowthem，whenonasuddentheyallstaredatoneanother，andleftusinahurry，withafrownoneverycountenance。Weweresurprisedatthisbehavior，andpresentlysummonedthehost，whowasnosooneracquaintedwithitthanheburstintoanheartylaugh，andtoldusthereasonwas，becausewedidnotfeethegentlementhemomenttheycamein，accordingtothecustomoftheplace。Weanswered，withsomeconfusion，wehadbroughtnothingwithusfromtheotherworld，whichwehadbeenallourlivesinformedwasnotlawfultodo。"No，no，master，"repliedthehost;"Iamapprisedofthat，andindeeditwasmyfault。IshouldhavefirstsentyoutomylordScrape，[7]
whowouldhavesuppliedyouwithwhatyouwant。""MylordScrapesupplyus！"saidI，withastonishment："sureyoumustknowwecannotgivehimsecurity;andIamconvincedheneverlentashillingwithoutitinhislife。""No，sir，"answeredthehost，"andforthatreasonheisobligedtodoithere，whereheissentencedtokeepabank，andtodistributemoneygratistoallpassengers。Thisbankoriginallyconsistedofjustthatsum，whichhehadmiserablyhoardedupintheotherworld，andheistoperceiveitdecreasevisiblyoneshillinga—day，tillitistotallyexhausted;afterwhichheistoreturntotheotherworld，andperformthepartofamiserforseventyyears;then，beingpurifiedinthebodyofahog，heistoenterthehumanspeciesagain，andtakeasecondtrial。""Sir，"saidI，"youtellmewonders：butifhisbankbetodecreaseonlyashillingaday，howcanhefurnishallpassengers？""Therest，"answeredthehost，"issuppliedagain;butinamannerwhichIcannoteasilyexplaintoyou。""Iapprehend，"saidI，"thisdistributionofhismoneyisinflictedonhimasapunishment;
butIdonotseehowitcananswerthatend，whenheknowsitistoberestoredtohimagain。Woulditnotservethepurposeaswellifhepartedonlywiththesingleshilling，whichitseemsisallheisreallytolose？""Sir，"criesthehost，"whenyouobservetheagonieswithwhichhepartswitheveryguinea，youwillbeofanotheropinion。Noprisonercondemnedtodeatheverbeggedsoheartilyfortransportationashe，whenhereceivedhissentence，didtogotohell，providedhemightcarryhismoneywithhim。Butyouwillknowmoreofthesethingswhenyouarriveattheupperworld;andnow，ifyouplease，Iwillattendyoutomylord’s，whoisobligedtosupplyyouwithwhateveryoudesire。"
[7]Thatwemaymentionitonceforall，inthepanegyricalpartofthisworksomeparticularpersonisalwaysmeant：but，inthesatirical，nobody。
Wefoundhislordshipsittingattheupperendofatable，onwhichwasanimmensesumofmoney，disposedinseveralheaps，everyoneofwhichwouldhavepurchasedthehonorofsomepatriotsandthechastityofsomeprudes。Themomenthesawusheturnedpale，andsighed，aswellapprehendingourbusiness。
Minehostaccostedhimwithafamiliarair，whichatfirstsurprisedme，whosowellrememberedtherespectIhadformerlyseenpaidthislordbymeninfinitelysuperiorinqualitytothepersonwhonowsalutedhiminthefollowingmanner："Here，youlord，andbedam——dtoyourlittlesneakingsoul，telloutyourmoney，andsupplyyourbetterswithwhattheywant。Bequick，sirrah，orI’llfetchthebeadletoyou。Don’tfancyyourselfinthelowerworldagain，withyourprivilegeatyoura——。"Hethenshookacaneathislordship，whoimmediatelybegantotellouthismoney，withthesamemiserableairandfacewhichthemiseronourstagewearswhilehedelivershisbank—bills。Thisaffectedsomeofussomuchthatwehadcertainlyreturnedwithnomorethanwhatwouldhavebeensufficienttofeetheporters，hadnotourhost，perceivingourcompassion，beggedusnottospareafellowwho，inthemidstofimmensewealth，hadalwaysrefusedtheleastcontributiontocharity。Ourheartswerehardenedwiththisreflection，andweallfilledourpocketswithhismoney。Iremarkedapoeticalspirit，inparticular，whosworehewouldhaveaheartygripeathim："For，"sayshe，"therascalnotonlyrefusedtosubscribetomyworks，butsentbackmyletterunanswered，thoughIamabettergentlemanthanhimself。"Wenowreturnedfromthismiserableobject，greatlyadmiringtheproprietyaswellasjusticeofhispunishment，whichconsisted，asourhostinformedus，merelyinthedeliveringforthhismoney;and，heobserved，wecouldnotwonderatthepainthisgavehim，sinceitwasasreasonablethatthebarepartingwithmoneyshouldmakehimmiserableasthatthebarehavingmoneywithoutusingitshouldhavemadehimhappy。
Othertie—wigporters（forthosewehadsummonedbeforerefusedtovisitusagain）nowattendedus;andwehavingfee’dthemtheinstanttheyenteredtheroom，accordingtotheinstructionsofourhost，theybowedandsmiled，andofferedtointroduceustowhateverdiseasewepleased。
Wesetoutseveralways，aswewerealltopayourrespectstodifferentladies。IdirectedmyportertoshowmetotheFeverontheSpirits，beingthediseasewhichhaddeliveredmefromtheflesh。MyguideandItraversedmanystreets，andknockedatseveraldoors，buttonopurpose。Atone，weweretold，livedtheConsumption;atanother，theMaladieAlamode，aFrenchlady;
atthethird，theDropsy;atthefourth，theRheumatism;atthefifth，Intemperance;atthesixth，Misfortune。Iwastired，andhadexhaustedmypatience，andalmostmypurse;forIgavemyporteranewfeeateveryblunderhemade：whenmyguide，withasolemncountenance，toldmehecoulddonomore;andmarchedoffwithoutanyfartherceremony。
HewasnosoonergonethanImetanothergentlemanwithaticket，i。e。，anamber—headedcaneinhishand。Ifirstfee’dhim，andthenacquaintedhimwiththenameofthedisease。Hecasthimselffortwoorthreeminutesintoathoughtfulposture，thenpulledapieceofpaperoutofhispocket，onwhichhewrotesomethinginoneoftheOrientallanguages，Ibelieve，forI
couldnotreadasyllable：hebademecarryittosuchaparticularshop，and，tellingmeitwoulddomybusiness，hetookhisleave。
Secure，asInowthoughtmyself，ofmydirection，Iwenttotheshop，whichverymuchresembledanapothecary’s。Thepersonwhoofficiated，havingreadthepaper，tookdownabouttwentydifferentjars，and，pouringsomethingoutofeveryoneofthem，madeamixture，whichhedeliveredtomeinabottle，havingfirsttiedapaperroundtheneckofit，onwhichwerewrittenthreeorfourwords，thelastcontainingelevensyllables。I
mentionedthenameofthediseaseIwantedtofindout，butreceivednootheranswerthanthathehaddoneashewasordered，andthedrugswereexcellent。Ibegannowtobeenraged，and，quittingtheshopwithsomeangerinmycountenance，Iintendedtofindoutmyinn，but，meetinginthewayaporterwhosecountenancehadinitsomethingmorepleasingthanordinary，I
resolvedtotryoncemore，andclappedafeeintohishand。AssoonasImentionedthediseasetohimhelaughedheartily，andtoldmeIhadbeenimposedon，forinrealitynosuchdiseasewastobefoundinthatcity。Hetheninquiredintotheparticularsofmycase，andwasnosooneracquaintedwiththemthanheinformedmethattheMaladieAlamodewastheladytowhomIwasobliged。Ithankedhim，andimmediatelywenttopaymyrespectstoher。Thehouse，orratherpalace，ofthisladywasoneofthemostbeautifulandmagnificentinthecity。Theavenuetoitwasplantedwithsycamoretrees，withbedsofflowersoneachside;
itwasextremelypleasantbutshort。Iwasconductedthroughamagnificenthall，adornedwithseveralstatuesandbustoes，mostofthemmaimed，whenceIconcludedthemalltobetrueantiques;
butwasinformedtheywerethefiguresofseveralmodernheroes，whohaddiedmartyrstoherladyship’scause。Inextmountedthroughalargepaintedstaircase，whereseveralpersonsweredepictedincaricatura;and，uponinquiry，wastoldtheyweretheportraitsofthosewhohaddistinguishedthemselvesagainsttheladyinthelowerworld。IsupposeIshouldhaveknownthefacesofmanyphysiciansandsurgeons，hadtheynotbeensoviolentlydistortedbythepainter。Indeed，hehadexertedsomuchmaliceinhiswork，thatIbelievehehadhimselfreceivedsomeparticularfavorsfromtheladyofthismansion：itisdifficulttoconceiveagroupofstrangerfigures。Ithenenteredalongroom，hungroundwiththepicturesofwomenofsuchexactshapesandfeaturesthatIshouldhavethoughtmyselfinagalleryofbeauties，hadnotacertainsallowpalenessintheircomplexionsgivenmeamoredistastefulidea。ThroughthisIproceededtoasecondapartment，adorned，ifImaysocallit，withthefiguresofoldladies。Uponmyseemingtoadmireatthisfurniture，theservanttoldmewithasmilethatthesehadbeenverygoodfriendsofhislady，andhaddonehereminentserviceinthelowerworld。Iimmediatelyrecollectedthefacesofoneortwoofmyacquaintance，whohadformerlykeptbagnios;butwasverymuchsurprisedtoseetheresemblanceofaladyofgreatdistinctioninsuchcompany。Theservant，uponmymentioningthis，madenootheranswerthanthathisladyhadpicturesofalldegrees。Iwasnowintroducedintothepresenceoftheladyherself。Shewasathin，orrathermeager，person，verywaninthecountenance，hadnonoseandmanypimplesinherface。Sheofferedtoriseatmyentrance，butcouldnotstand。Aftermanycompliments，muchcongratulationonherside，andthemostferventexpressionsofgratitudeonmine，sheaskedmemanyquestionsconcerningthesituationofheraffairsinthelowerworld;mostofwhichIansweredtoherentiresatisfaction。Atlast，withakindofforcedsmile，shesaid，"Isupposethepillanddropgoonswimmingly？"Itoldhertheywerereportedtohavedonegreatcures。Sherepliedshecouldapprehendnodangerfromanypersonwhowasnotofregularpractice;"for，howeversimplemankindare，"saidshe，"orhoweverafraidtheyareofdeath，theypreferdyinginaregularmannertobeingcuredbyanostrum。"ShethenexpressedgreatpleasureattheaccountI
gaveherofthebeaumonde。ShesaidshehadherselfremovedthehundredsofDrurytothehundredsofCharing—cross，andwasverymuchdelightedtofindtheyhadspreadintoSt。James’s;thatsheimputedthischieflytoseveralofherdearandworthyfriends，whohadlatelypublishedtheirexcellentworks，endeavoringtoextirpateallnotionsofreligionandvirtue;andparticularlytothedeservingauthoroftheBachelor’sEstimate;
"towhom，"saidshe，"ifIhadnotreasontothinkhewasasurgeon，andhadthereforewrittenfrommercenaryviews，Icouldneversufficientlyownmyobligations。"Shespokelikewisegreatlyinapprobationofthemethod，sogenerallyusedbyparents，ofmarryingchildrenveryyoung，andwithouttheleastaffectionbetweentheparties;andconcludedbysayingthat，ifthesefashionscontinuedtospread，shedoubtednotbutsheshouldshortlybetheonlydiseasewhowouldeverreceiveavisitfromanypersonofconsiderablerank。
Whilewewerediscoursingherthreedaughtersenteredtheroom。
Theywereallcalledbyhardnames;theeldestwasnamedLepra，thesecondChaeras，andthethirdScorbutia。[8]Theywereallgenteel，butugly。Icouldnothelpobservingthelittlerespecttheypaidtheirparent，whichtheoldladyremarkinginmycountenance，assoonastheyquittedtheroom，whichsoonhappened，acquaintedmewithherunhappinessinheroffspring，everyoneofwhichhadtheconfidencetodenythemselvestobeherchildren，thoughshesaidshehadbeenaveryindulgentmotherandhadplentifullyprovidedforthemall。Asfamilycomplaintsgenerallyasmuchtirethehearerastheyrelievehimwhomakesthem，whenIfoundherlaunchingfartherintothissubjectIresolvedtoputanendtomyvisit，and，takingmyleavewithmanythanksforthefavorshehaddoneme，Ireturnedtotheinn，whereIfoundmyfellow—travelersjustmountingintotheirvehicle。Ishookhandswithmyhostandaccompaniedthemintothecoach，whichimmediatelyafterproceededonitsjourney。
[8]Theseladies，Ibelieve，bytheirnames，presidedovertheleprosy，king’s—evil，andscurvy。
CHAPTERIV
Discoursesontheroad，andadescriptionofthepalaceofDeath。
Wewereallsilentforsomeminutes，till，beingwellshakenintoourseveralseats，Iopenedmymouthfirst，andrelatedwhathadhappenedtomeafterourseparationinthecitywehadjustleft。
Therestofthecompany，exceptthegravefemalespiritwhomourreadermayremembertohaverefusedgivinganaccountofthedistemperwhichoccasionedherdissolution，didthesame。Itmightbetedioustorelatetheseatlarge;weshallthereforeonlymentionaveryremarkableinveteracywhichtheSurfeitdeclaredtoalltheotherdiseases，especiallytotheFever，who，shesaid，bytherogueryoftheporters，receivedacknowledgmentsfromnumberlesspassengerswhichwereduetoherself。"Indeed，"
saysshe，"thosecane—headedfellows"（forsoshecalledthem，alluding，Isuppose，totheirticket）"areconstantlymakingsuchmistakes;thereisnogratitudeinthosefellows;forIamsuretheyhavegreaterobligationstomethantoanyotherdisease，excepttheVapors。"Theserelationswerenosooneroverthanoneofthecompanyinformeduswewereapproachingtothemostnoblebuildinghehadeverbeheld，andwhichwelearnedfromourcoachmanwasthepalaceofDeath。Itsoutside，indeed，appearedextremelymagnificent。ItsstructurewasoftheGothicorder;
vastbeyondimagination，thewholepileconsistingofblackmarble。Rowsofimmenseyewsformanamphitheaterrounditofsuchheightandthicknessthatnorayofthesuneverperforatesthisgrove，whereblacketernaldarknesswouldreignwasitnotexcludedbyinnumerablelampswhichareplacedinpyramidsroundthegrove;sothatthedistantreflectiontheycastonthepalace，whichisplentifullygiltwithgoldontheoutside，isinconceivablysolemn。TothisImayaddthehollowmurmurofwindsconstantlyheardfromthegrove，andtheveryremotesoundofroaringwaters。Indeed，everycircumstanceseemstoconspiretofillthemindwithhorrorandconsternationasweapproachtothispalace，whichwehadscarcetimetoadmirebeforeourvehiclestoppedatthegate，andweweredesiredtoalightinordertopayourrespectstohismostmortalmajesty（thisbeingthetitlewhichitseemsheassumes）。Theoutwardcourtwasfullofsoldiers，and，indeed，thewholeverymuchresembledthestateofanearthlymonarch，onlymoremagnificent。Wepassedthroughseveralcourtsintoavasthall，whichledtoaspaciousstaircase，atthebottomofwhichstoodtwopages，withverygravecountenances，whomIrecollectedafterwardstohaveformerlybeenveryeminentundertakers，andwereinrealitytheonlydismalfacesIsawhere;forthispalace，soawfulandtremendouswithout，isallgayandsprightlywithin;sothatwesoonlostallthosedismalandgloomyideaswehadcontractedinapproachingit。Indeed，thestillsilencemaintainedamongtheguardsandattendantsresembledratherthestatelypompofeasterncourts;buttherewasoneveryfacesuchsymptomsofcontentandhappinessthatdiffusedanairofcheerfulnessallround。Weascendedthestaircaseandpassedthroughmanynobleapartmentswhosewallswereadornedwithvariousbattle—piecesintapistry，andwhichwespentsometimeinobserving。ThesebroughttomymindthosebeautifulonesIhadinmylifetimeseenatBlenheim，norcouldIpreventmycuriosityfrominquiringwheretheDukeofMarlborough’svictorieswereplaced（forI
thinktheywerealmosttheonlybattlesofanyeminenceIhadreadofwhichIdidnotmeetwith）;whentheskeletonofabeef—eater，shakinghishead，toldmeacertaingentleman，oneLewisXIV，whohadgreatinterestwithhismostmortalmajesty，hadpreventedanysuchfrombeinghungupthere。"Besides，"sayshe，"hismajestyhathnogreatrespectforthatduke，forheneversenthimasubjecthecouldkeepfromhim，nordidheevergetasinglesubjectbyhismeansbuthelost1000othersforhim。"Wefoundthepresence—chamberatourentranceveryfull，andabuzzranthroughit，asinallassemblies，beforetheprincipalfigureenters;forhismajestywasnotyetcomeout。
Atthebottomoftheroomweretwopersonsincloseconference，onewithasquareblackcaponhishead，andtheotherwitharobeembroideredwithflamesoffire。These，Iwasinformed，wereajudgelongsincedead，andaninquisitor—general。I
overheardthemdisputingwithgreateagernesswhethertheonehadhangedortheotherburnedthemost。WhileIwaslisteningtothisdispute，whichseemedtobeinnolikelihoodofaspeedydecision，theemperorenteredtheroomandplacedhimselfbetweentwofigures，oneofwhichwasremarkablefortheroughness，andtheotherforthebeautyofhisappearance。Thesewere，itseems，CharlesXIIofSwedenandAlexanderofMacedon。Iwasattoogreatadistancetohearanyoftheconversation，socouldonlysatisfymycuriositybycontemplatingtheseveralpersonagespresent，ofwhosenamesIinformedmyselfbyapage，wholookedaspaleandmeagerasanycourt—pageintheotherworld，butwassomewhatmoremodest。HeshowedmeheretwoorthreeTurkishemperors，towhomhismostmortalmajestyseemedtoexpressmuchcivility。HerewerelikewiseseveraloftheRomanemperors，amongwhomnoneseemedsomuchcaressedasCaligula，onaccount，asthepagetoldme，ofhispiouswishthathecouldsendalltheRomanshitheratoneblow。ThereadermaybeperhapssurprisedthatIsawnophysicianshere;asindeedIwasmyself，tillinformedthattheywerealldepartedtothecityofDiseases，wheretheywerebusyinanexperimenttopurgeawaytheimmortalityofthesoul。
ItwouldbetedioustorecollectthemanyindividualsIsawhere，butIcannotomitafatfigure，welldressedintheFrenchfashion，whowasreceivedwithextraordinarycomplacencebytheemperor，andwhomIimaginedtobeLewisXIVhimself;butthepageacquaintedmehewasacelebratedFrenchcook。Wewereatlengthintroducedtotheroyalpresence，andhadthehonortokisshands。Hismajestyaskedusafewquestions，notverymaterialtorelate，andsoonafterretired。Whenwereturnedintotheyardwefoundourcaravanreadytosetout，atwhichwealldeclaredourselveswellpleased;forweweresufficientlytiredwiththeformalityofacourt，notwithstandingitsoutwardsplendorandmagnificence。
CHAPTERV
Thetravelersproceedontheirjourney，andmeetseveralspiritswhoarecomingintotheflesh。
WenowcametothebanksofthegreatriverCocytus，wherewequittedourvehicle，andpassedthewaterinaboat，afterwhichwewereobligedtotravelonfoottherestofourjourney;andnowwemet，forthefirsttime，severalpassengerstravelingtotheworldwehadleft，whoinformedustheyweresoulsgoingintotheflesh。
Thetwofirstwemetwerewalkingarm—in—arm，inverycloseandfriendlyconference;theyinformedusthatoneofthemwasintendedforaduke，andtheotherforahackney—coachman。Aswehadnotyetarrivedattheplacewhereweweretodepositourpassions，wewereallsurprisedatthefamiliaritywhichsubsistedbetweenpersonsofsuchdifferentdegrees;norcouldthegraveladyhelpexpressingherastonishmentatit。Thefuturecoachmanthenreplied，withalaugh，thattheyhadexchangedlots;forthatthedukehadwithhisdukedomdrawnashrewforawife，andthecoachmanonlyasinglestate。
Asweproceededonourjourneywemetasolemnspiritwalkingalonewithgreatgravityinhiscountenance：ourcuriosityinvitedus，notwithstandinghisreserve，toaskwhatlothehaddrawn。
Heanswered，withasmile，hewastohavethereputationofawisemanwithL100，000inhispocket，andwaspracticingthesolemnitywhichhewastoactintheotherworld。Alittlefartherwemetacompanyofverymerryspirits，whomweimaginedbytheirmirthtohavedrawnsomemightylot，but，oninquiry，theyinformedustheyweretobebeggars。
Thefartherweadvanced，thegreaternumberswemet;andnowwediscoveredtwolargeroadsleadingdifferentways，andofverydifferentappearance;theoneallcraggywithrocks，fullasitseemedofboggygrounds，andeverywherebesetwithbriars，sothatitwasimpossibletopassthroughitwithouttheutmostdangeranddifficulty;theother，themostdelightfulimaginable，leadingthroughthemostverdantmeadows，paintedandperfumedwithallkindsofbeautifulflowers;inshort，themostwantonimaginationcouldimaginenothingmorelovely。Notwithstandingwhich，weweresurprisedtoseegreatnumberscrowdingintotheformer，andonlyoneortwosolitaryspiritschoosingthelatter。
Oninquiry，wewereacquaintedthatthebadroadwasthewaytogreatness，andtheothertogoodness。Whenweexpressedoursurpriseatthepreferencegiventotheformerwewereacquaintedthatitwaschosenforthesakeofthemusicofdrumsandtrumpets，andtheperpetualacclamationsofthemob，withwhichthosewhotraveledthiswaywereconstantlysaluted。Weweretoldlikewisethattherewereseveralnoblepalacestobeseen，andlodgedin，onthisroad，bythosewhohadpassedthroughthedifficultiesofit（whichindeedmanywerenotabletosurmount），andgreatquantitiesofallsortsoftreasuretobefoundinit;
whereastheotherhadlittleinvitingmorethanthebeautyoftheway，scarceahandsomebuilding，saveonegreatlyresemblingacertainhousebytheBath，tobeseenduringthatwholejourney;
and，lastly，thatitwasthoughtveryscandalousandmean—spiritedtotravelthroughthis，andashighlyhonorableandnobletopassbytheother。Wenowheardaviolentnoise，when，castingoureyesforwards，weperceivedavastnumberofspiritsadvancinginpursuitofonewhomtheymockedandinsultedwithallkindsofscorn。IcannotgivemyreaderamoreadequateideaofthisscenethanbycomparingittoanEnglishmobconductingapickpockettothewater;orbysupposingthatanincensedaudienceataplayhousehadunhappilypossessedthemselvesofthemiserabledamnedpoet。Somelaughed，somehissed，somesqualled，somegroaned，somebawled，somespitathim，somethrewdirtathim。Itwasimpossiblenottoaskwhoorwhatthewretchedspiritwaswhomtheytreatedinthisbarbarousmanner;when，toourgreatsurprise，wewereinformedthatitwasaking：wewerelikewisetoldthatthismannerofbehaviorwasusualamongthespiritstothosewhodrewthelotsofemperors，kings，andothergreatmen，notfromenvyoranger，butmerederisionandcontemptofearthlygrandeur;thatnothingwasmorecommonthanforthosewhohaddrawnthesegreatprizes（astoustheyseemed）toexchangethemwithtailorsandcobblers;andthatAlexandertheGreatandDiogeneshadformerlydoneso;hethatwasafterwardsDiogeneshavingoriginallyfallenonthelotofAlexander。Andnow，onasudden，themockeryceased，andtheking—spirit，havingobtainedahearing，begantospeakasfollows;forwewerenownearenoughtohearhimdistinctly：——
"GENTLEMEN，——Iamjustlysurprisedatyourtreatingmeinthismanner，sincewhateverlotIhavedrawn，Ididnotchoose：if，therefore，itbeworthyofderision，youshouldcompassionateme，foritmighthavefallentoanyofyourshares。Iknowinhowlowalightthestationtowhichfatehathassignedmeisconsideredhere，andthat，whenambitiondothnotsupportit，itbecomesgenerallysointolerable，thatthereisscarceanyotherconditionforwhichitisnotgladlyexchanged：forwhatportion，intheworldtowhichwearegoing，issomiserableasthatofcare？ShouldIthereforeconsidermyselfasbecomebythislotessentiallyyoursuperior，andofahigherorderofbeingthantherestofmyfellow—creatures;shouldIfoolishlyimaginemyselfwithoutwisdomsuperiortothewise，withoutknowledgetothelearned，withoutcouragetothebrave，andwithoutgoodnessandvirtuetothegoodandvirtuous;surelysopreposterous，soabsurdapride，wouldjustlyrendermetheobjectofridicule。Butfarbeitfrommetoentertainit。Andyet，gentlemen，IprizethelotIhavedrawn，norwouldI
exchangeitwithanyofyours，seeingitisinmyeyesomuchgreaterthantherest。Ambition，whichIownmyselfpossessedof，teachesmethis;ambition，whichmakesmecovetpraise，assuresmethatIshallenjoyamuchlargerproportionofitthancanfallwithinyourpowereithertodeserveorobtain。Iamthensuperiortoyouall，whenIamabletodomoregood，andwhenIexecutethatpower。Whatthefatheristotheson，theguardiantotheorphan，orthepatrontohisclient，thatamItoyou。Youaremychildren，towhomIwillbeafather，aguardian，andapatron。Notoneeveninginmylongreign（forsoitistobe）willIreposemyselftorestwithouttheglorious，theheart—warmingconsideration，thatthousandsthatnightowetheirsweetestresttome。Whatadeliciousfortuneisittohimwhosestrongestappetiteisdoinggood，tohaveeverydaytheopportunityandthepowerofsatisfyingit！Ifsuchamanhathambition，howhappyisitforhimtobeseatedsoonhigh，thateveryactblazesabroad，andattractstohimpraisestaintedwithneithersarcasmnoradulation，butsuchasthenicestandmostdelicatemindmayrelish！Thus，therefore，whileyouderiveyourgoodfromme，Iamyoursuperior。Iftomystrictdistributionofjusticeyouowethesafetyofyourpropertyfromdomesticenemies;ifbymyvigilanceandvaloryouareprotectedfromforeignfoes;ifbymyencouragementofgenuineindustry，everyscience，everyartwhichcanembellishorsweetenlife，isproducedandflourishesamongyou;willanyofyoubesoinsensibleorungratefulastodenypraiseandrespecttohimbywhosecareandconductyouenjoytheseblessings？Iwondernotatthecensurewhichsofrequentlyfallsonthoseinmystation;
butIwonderthatthoseinmystationsofrequentlydeserveit。
Whatstrangeperversenessofnature！Whatwantondelightinmischiefmusttainthiscomposition，whoprefersdangers，difficulty，anddisgrace，bydoingevil，tosafety，ease，andhonor，bydoinggood！whorefuseshappinessintheotherworld，andheaveninthis，formiserythereandhellhere！But，beassured，myintentionsaredifferent。Ishallalwaysendeavortheease，thehappiness，andthegloryofmypeople，beingconfidentthat，bysodoing，Itakethemostcertainmethodofprocuringthemalltomyself。"——Hethenstruckdirectlyintotheroadofgoodness，andreceivedsuchashoutofapplauseasI
neverremembertohaveheardequaled。Hewasgonealittlewaywhenaspiritlimpedafterhim，swearinghewouldfetchhimback。
Thisspirit，Iwaspresentlyinformed，wasonewhohaddrawnthelotofhisprimeminister。
CHAPTERVI
Anaccountofthewheeloffortune，withamethodofpreparingaspiritforthisworld。
Wenowproceededonourjourney，withoutstayingtoseewhetherhefulfilledhiswordorno;andwithoutencounteringanythingworthmentioning，cametotheplacewherethespiritsontheirpassagetotheotherworldwereobligedtodecidebylotthestationinwhicheveryonewastoactthere。Herewasamonstrouswheel，infinitelylargerthanthoseinwhichIhadformerlyseenlottery—ticketsdeposited。ThiswascalledtheWHEELOFFORTUNE。
Thegoddessherselfwaspresent。ShewasoneofthemostdeformedfemalesIeverbeheld;norcouldIhelpobservingthefrownssheexpressedwhenanybeautifulspiritofherownsexpassedbyher，northeaffabilitywhichsmiledinhercountenanceontheapproachofanyhandsomemalespirits。HenceIaccountedforthetruthofanobservationIhadoftenmadeonearth，thatnothingismorefortunatethanhandsomemen，normoreunfortunatethanhandsomewomen。Thereadermaybeperhapspleasedwithanaccountofthewholemethodofequippingaspiritforhisentranceintotheflesh。
First，then，hereceivesfromaverysageperson，whoselookmuchresembledthatofanapothecary（hiswarehouselikewisebearinganaffinitytoanapothecary’sshop），asmallphialinscribed，THEPATHETICPOTION，tobetakenjustbeforeyouareborn。Thispotionisamixtureofallthepassions，butinnoexactproportion，sothatsometimesonepredominates，andsometimesanother;nay，ofteninthehurryofmakingup，oneparticularingredientis，aswewereinformed，leftout。ThespiritreceivethatthesametimeanothermedicinecalledtheNOUSPHORIC
DECOCTION，ofwhichheistodrinkadlibitum。Thisdecoctionisanextractfromthefacultiesofthemind，sometimesextremelystrongandspirituous，andsometimesaltogetherasweak;forverylittlecareistakeninthepreparation。Thisdecoctionissoextremelybitterandunpleasant，that，notwithstandingitswholesomeness，severalspiritswillnotbepersuadedtoswallowadropofit，butthrowitaway，orgiveittoanyotherwhowillreceiveit;bywhichmeanssomewhowerenotdisgustedbythenauseousnessdrankdoubleandtrebleportions。Iobservedabeautifulyoungfemale，who，tastingitimmediatelyfromcuriosity，screwedupherfaceandcastitfromherwithgreatdisdain，whenceadvancingpresentlytothewheel，shedrewacoronet，whichsheclappedupsoeagerlythatIcouldnotdistinguishthedegree;andindeedIobservedseveralofthesamesex，afteraverysmallsip，throwthebottlesaway。Assoonasthespiritisdismissedbytheoperator，orapothecary，heisatlibertytoapproachthewheel，wherehehatharighttoextractasinglelot：butthosewhomFortunefavorsshepermitssometimessecretlytodrawthreeorfour。Iobservedacomicalkindoffigurewhodrewforthahandful，which，whenheopened，wereabishop，ageneral，aprivy—counselor，aplayer，andapoet—
laureate，and，returningthethreefirst，hewalkedoff，smiling，withthetwolast。Everysinglelotcontainedtwomorearticles，whichweregenerallydisposedsoastorenderthelotsasequalaspossibletoeachother;ononewaswritten，EARL，RICHES，HEALTH，DISQUIETUDE;onanother，COBLER，SICKNESS，GOOD—HUMOR;onathird，POET，CONTEMPT，SELF—SATISFACTION;onafourth，GENERAL，HONOR，DISCONTENT;onafifth，COTTAGE，HAPPYLOVE;onasixth，COACHANDSIX，IMPOTENTJEALOUSHUSBAND;onaseventh，PRIME
MINISTER，DISGRACE;onaneighth，PATRIOT，GLORY;onaninth，PHILOSOPHER，POVERTY，EASE;onatenth，MERCHANT，RICHES，CARE。
Andindeedthewholeseemedtocontainsuchamixtureofgoodandevil，thatitwouldhavepuzzledmewhichtochoose。Imustnotomitherethatineverylotwasdirectedwhetherthedrawershouldmarryorremainincelibacy，themarriedlotsbeingallmarkedwithalargepairofhorns。Wewereobliged，beforewequittedthisplace，totakeeachofusanemeticfromtheapothecary，whichimmediatelypurgedusofallourearthlypassions，andpresentlythecloudforsookoureyes，asitdoththoseofAeneasinVirgil，whenremovedbyVenus;andwediscernedthingsinamuchclearerlightthanbefore。Webegantocompassionatethosespiritswhoweremakingtheirentryintotheflesh，whomwehadtillthensecretlyenvied，andtolongeagerlyforthosedelightfulplainswhichnowopenedthemselvestooureyes，andtowhichwenowhastenedwiththeutmosteagerness。Onourwaywemetwithseveralspiritswithverydejectedcountenances;butourexpeditionwouldnotsufferustoaskanyquestions。AtlengthwearrivedatthegateofElysium。
Herewasaprodigiouscrowdofspiritswaitingforadmittance，someofwhomwereadmitted，andsomewererejected;forallwerestrictlyexaminedbytheporter，whomIsoondiscoveredtobethecelebratedjudgeMinos。
CHAPTERVII
TheproceedingsofjudgeMinosatthegateofElysium。
Inowgotnearenoughtothegatetoheartheseveralclaimsofthosewhoendeavoredtopass。Thefirstamongotherpretensions，setforththathehadbeenveryliberaltoanhospital;butMinosanswered，"Ostentation，"andrepulsedhim。Thesecondexhibitedthathehadconstantlyfrequentedhischurch，beenarigidobserveroffast—days：helikewiserepresentedthegreatanimosityhehadshowntoviceinothers，whichneverescapedhisseverestcensure;andastohisownbehavior，hehadneverbeenonceguiltyofwhoring，drinking，gluttony，oranyotherexcess。
Hesaidhehaddisinheritedhissonforgettingabastard。"Haveyouso？"saidMinos;"thenprayreturnintotheotherworldandbegetanother;forsuchanunnaturalrascalshallneverpassthisgate。"Adozenothers，whohadadvancedwithveryconfidentcountenances，seeinghimrejected，turnedaboutoftheirownaccord，declaring，ifhecouldnotpass，theyhadnoexpectation，andaccordinglytheyfollowedhimbacktoearth;whichwasthefateofallwhowererepulsed，theybeingobligedtotakeafurtherpurification，unlessthosewhowereguiltyofsomeveryheinouscrimes，whowerehustledinatalittlebackgate，whencetheytumbledimmediatelyintothebottomlesspit。
Thenextspiritthatcameupdeclaredhehaddoneneithergoodnorevilintheworld;forthatsincehisarrivalatman’sestatehehadspenthiswholetimeinsearchofcuriosities;andparticularlyinthestudyofbutterflies，ofwhichhehadcollectedanimmensenumber。Minosmadehimnoanswer，butwithgreatscornpushedhimback。Therenowadvancedaverybeautifulspiritindeed。ShebegantoogleMinosthemomentshesawhim。
Shesaidshehopedtherewassomemeritinrefusingagreatnumberoflovers，anddyingamaid，thoughshehadhadthechoiceofahundred。Minostoldhershehadnotrefusedenowyet，andturnedherback。
Shewassucceededbyaspiritwhotoldthejudgehebelievedhisworkswouldspeakforhim。"Whatworks？"answeredMinos。"Mydramaticworks，"repliedtheother，"whichhavedonesomuchgoodinrecommendingvirtueandpunishingvice。""Verywell，"saidthejudge;"ifyoupleasetostandby，thefirstpersonwhopassesthegatebyyourmeansshallcarryyouinwithhim;but，ifyouwilltakemyadvice，Ithink，forexpeditionsake，youhadbetterreturn，andliveanotherlifeuponearth。"Thebardgrumbledatthis，andrepliedthat，besideshispoeticalworks，hehaddonesomeothergoodthings：forthathehadoncelentthewholeprofitsofabenefit—nighttoafriend，andbythatmeanshadsavedhimandhisfamilyfromdestruction。Uponthisthegateflewopen，andMinosdesiredhimtowalkin，tellinghim，ifhehadmentionedthisatfirst，hemighthavesparedtheremembranceofhisplays。Thepoetanswered，hebelieved，ifMinoshadreadhisworks，hewouldsetahighervalueonthem。
Hewasthenbeginningtorepeat，butMinospushedhimforward，and，turninghisbacktohim，appliedhimselftothenextpassenger，averygenteelspirit，whomadeaverylowbowtoMinos，andthenthrewhimselfintoanerectattitude，andimitatedthemotionoftakingsnuffwithhisrighthand。Minosaskedhimwhathehadtosayforhimself。Heanswered，hewoulddanceaminuetwithanyspiritinElysium：thathecouldlikewiseperformallhisotherexercisesverywell，andhopedhehadinhislifedeservedthecharacterofaperfectfinegentleman。Minosreplieditwouldbegreatpitytorobtheworldofsofineagentleman，andthereforedesiredhimtotaketheothertrip。Thebeaubowed，thankedthejudge，andsaidhedesirednobetter。
Severalspiritsexpressedmuchastonishmentatthishissatisfaction;butwewereafterwardsinformedhehadnottakentheemeticabovementioned。
Amiserableoldspiritnowcrawledforwards，whosefaceIthoughtIhadformerlyseennearWestminsterAbbey。HeentertainedMinoswithalongharangueofwhathehaddonewhenintheHOUSE;andthenproceededtoinformhimhowmuchhewasworth，withoutattemptingtoproduceasingleinstanceofanyonegoodaction。
Minosstoppedthecareerofhisdiscourse，andacquaintedhimhemusttakeatripbackagain。
"What！toS————house？"saidthespiritinanecstasy;butthejudge，withoutmakinghimanyanswer，turnedtoanother，whowithaverysolemnairandgreatdignity，acquaintedhimhewasaduke。"Totheright—about，Mr。Duke，"criedMinos，"youareinfinitelytoogreatamanforElysium;"andthen，givinghimakickontheb——ch，headdressedhimselftoaspiritwho，withfearandtrembling，beggedhemightnotgotothebottomlesspit：
hesaidhehopedMinoswouldconsiderthat，thoughhehadgoneastray，hehadsufferedforit——thatitwasnecessitywhichdrovehimtotherobberyofeighteenpence，whichhehadcommitted，andforwhichhewashanged——thathehaddonesomegoodactionsinhislife——thathehadsupportedanagedparentwithhislabor——
thathehadbeenaverytenderhusbandandakindfather——andthathehadruinedhimselfbybeingbailforhisfriend。Atwhichwordsthegateopened，andMinosbadehimenter，givinghimaslaponthebackashepassedbyhim。Agreatnumberofspiritsnowcameforwards，whoalldeclaredtheyhadthesameclaim，andthatthecaptainshouldspeakforthem。Heacquaintedthejudgethattheyhadbeenallslainintheserviceoftheircountry。Minoswasgoingtoadmitthem，buthadthecuriositytoaskwhohadbeentheinvader，inorder，ashesaid，topreparethebackgateforhim。Thecaptainansweredtheyhadbeentheinvadersthemselves——thattheyhadenteredtheenemy’scountry，andburnedandplunderedseveralcities。"Andforwhatreason？"
saidMinos。"Bythecommandofhimwhopaidus，"saidthecaptain;"thatisthereasonofasoldier。Wearetoexecutewhateverwearecommanded，orweshouldbeadisgracetothearmy，andverylittledeserveourpay。""Youarebravefellowsindeed，"saidMinos;"butbepleasedtofaceabout，andobeymycommandforonce，inreturningbacktotheotherworld：forwhatshouldsuchfellowsasyoudowheretherearenocitiestobeburned，norpeopletobedestroyed？Butletmeadviseyoutohaveastricterregardtotruthforthefuture，andnotcallthedepopulatingothercountriestheserviceofyourown。"Thecaptainanswered，inarage，"D——nme！doyougivemethelie？"
andwasgoingtotakeMinosbythenosehadnothisguardspreventedhim，andimmediatelyturnedhimandallhisfollowersbackthesameroadtheycame。
Fourspiritsinformedthejudgethattheyhadbeenstarvedtodeaththroughpoverty——beingthefather，mother，andtwochildren;thattheyhadbeenhonestandasindustriousaspossible，tillsicknesshadpreventedthemanfromlabor。"Allthatisverytrue，"criedagravespiritwhostoodby。"Iknowthefact;forthesepoorpeoplewereundermycure。""Youwas，I
suppose，theparsonoftheparish，"criesMinos;"Ihopeyouhadagoodliving，sir。""Thatwasbutasmallone，"repliedthespirit;"butIhadanotheralittlebetter。"——"Verywell，"saidMinos;"letthepoorpeoplepass。"Atwhichtheparsonwassteppingforwardswithastatelygaitbeforethem;butMinoscaughtholdofhimandpulledhimback，saying，"Notsofast，doctor——youmusttakeonestepmoreintotheotherworldfirst;
fornomanentersthatgatewithoutcharity。"Averystatelyfigurenowpresentedhimself，and，informingMinoshewasapatriot，beganaveryfloridharangueonpublicvirtueandthelibertiesofhiscountry。UponwhichMinosshowedhimtheutmostrespect，andorderedthegatetobeopened。Thepatriotwasnotcontentedwiththisapplause;hesaidhehadbehavedaswellinplaceashehaddoneintheopposition;andthat，thoughhewasnowobligedtoembracethecourtmeasures，yethehadbehavedveryhonestlytohisfriends，andbroughtasmanyinaswaspossible。"Holdamoment，"saysMinos："onsecondconsideration，Mr。Patriot，Ithinkamanofyourgreatvirtueandabilitieswillbesomuchmissedbyyourcountry，that，ifI
mightadviseyou，youshouldtakeajourneybackagain。Iamsureyouwillnotdeclineit;forIamcertainyouwill，withgreatreadiness，sacrificeyourownhappinesstothepublicgood。"Thepatriotsmiled，andtoldMinoshebelievedhewasinjest;andwasofferingtoenterthegate，butthejudgelaidfastholdofhimandinsistedonhisreturn，whichthepatriotstilldeclining，heatlastorderedhisguardstoseizehimandconducthimback。