ProfessordeWormsfellbackinhischairwithacuriousairofkindlycollapse。
"That’sapity,"hesaid,"becauseIam。"
Symesprangupstraight,sendingbackthebenchbehindhimwithacrash。
"Becauseyouarewhat?"hesaidthickly。"Youarewhat?"
"Iamapoliceman,"saidtheProfessorwithhisfirstbroadsmile。
andbeamingthroughhisspectacles。"Butasyouthinkpolicemanonlyarelativeterm,ofcourseIhavenothingtodowithyou。I
amintheBritishpoliceforce;butasyoutellmeyouarenotintheBritishpoliceforce,IcanonlysaythatImetyouinadynamiters’club。IsupposeIoughttoarrestyou。"AndwiththesewordshelaidonthetablebeforeSymeanexactfacsimileofthebluecardwhichSymehadinhisownwaistcoatpocket,thesymbolofhispowerfromthepolice。
Symehadforaflashthesensationthatthecosmoshadturnedexactlyupsidedown,thatalltreesweregrowingdownwardsandthatallstarswereunderhisfeet。Thencameslowlytheoppositeconviction。Forthelasttwenty—fourhoursthecosmoshadreallybeenupsidedown,butnowthecapsizeduniversehadcomerightsideupagain。Thisdevilfromwhomhehadbeenfleeingalldaywasonlyanelderbrotherofhisownhouse,whoontheothersideofthetablelaybackandlaughedathim。Hedidnotforthemomentaskanyquestionsofdetail;heonlyknewthehappyandsillyfactthatthisshadow,whichhadpursuedhimwithanintolerableoppressionofperil,wasonlytheshadowofafriendtryingtocatchhimup。
Heknewsimultaneouslythathewasafoolandafreeman。Forwithanyrecoveryfrommorbiditytheremustgoacertainhealthyhumiliation。Therecomesacertainpointinsuchconditionswhenonlythreethingsarepossible:firstaperpetuationofSatanicpride,secondlytears,andthirdlaughter。Syme’segotismheldhardtothefirstcourseforafewseconds,andthensuddenlyadoptedthethird。Takinghisownbluepoliceticketfromhisownwaistcoatpocket,hetosseditontothetable;thenheflunghisheadbackuntilhisspikeofyellowbeardalmostpointedattheceiling,andshoutedwithabarbariclaughter。
Eveninthatcloseden,perpetuallyfilledwiththedinofknives,plates,cans,clamorousvoices,suddenstrugglesandstampedes,therewassomethingHomericinSyme’smirthwhichmademanyhalf—drunkenmenlookround。
"Whatyerlaughingat,guv’nor?"askedonewonderinglabourerfromthedocks。
"Atmyself,"answeredSyme,andwentoffagainintotheagonyofhisecstaticreaction。
"Pullyourselftogether,"saidtheProfessor,"oryou’llgethysterical。Havesomemorebeer。I’lljoinyou。"
"Youhaven’tdrunkyourmilk,"saidSyme。
"Mymilk!"saidtheother,intonesofwitheringandunfathomablecontempt,"mymilk!DoyouthinkI’dlookatthebeastlystuffwhenI’moutofsightofthebloodyanarchists?We’reallChristiansinthisroom,thoughperhaps,"headded,glancingaroundatthereelingcrowd,"notstrictones。Finishmymilk?Greatblazes!yes,I’llfinishitrightenough!"andheknockedthetumbleroffthetable,makingacrashofglassandasplashofsilverfluid。
Symewasstaringathimwithahappycuriosity。
"Iunderstandnow,"hecried;"ofcourse,you’renotanoldmanatall。"
"Ican’ttakemyfaceoffhere,"repliedProfessordeWorms。"It’sratheranelaboratemake—up。AstowhetherI’manoldman,that’snotformetosay。Iwasthirty—eightlastbirthday。"
"Yes,butImean,"saidSymeimpatiently,"there’snothingthematterwithyou。"
"Yes,"answeredtheotherdispassionately。"Iamsubjecttocolds。"
Syme’slaughteratallthishadaboutitawildweaknessofrelief。
HelaughedattheideaoftheparalyticProfessorbeingreallyayoungactordressedupasifforthefoot—lights。Buthefeltthathewouldhavelaughedasloudlyifapepperpothadfallenover。
ThefalseProfessordrankandwipedhisfalsebeard。
"Didyouknow,"heasked,"thatthatmanGogolwasoneofus?"
"I?No,Ididn’tknowit,"answeredSymeinsomesurprise。"Butdidn’tyou?"
"Iknewnomorethanthedead,"repliedthemanwhocalledhimselfdeWorms。"IthoughtthePresidentwastalkingaboutme,andI
rattledinmyboots。"
"AndIthoughthewastalkingaboutme,"saidSyme,withhisratherrecklesslaughter。"Ihadmyhandonmyrevolverallthetime。"
"SohadI,"saidtheProfessorgrimly;"sohadGogolevidently。"
Symestruckthetablewithanexclamation。
"Why,therewerethreeofusthere!"hecried。"Threeoutofsevenisafightingnumber。Ifwehadonlyknownthatwewerethree!"
ThefaceofProfessordeWormsdarkened,andhedidnotlookup。
"Wewerethree,"hesaid。"Ifwehadbeenthreehundredwecouldstillhavedonenothing。"
"Notifwewerethreehundredagainstfour?"askedSyme,jeeringratherboisterously。
"No,"saidtheProfessorwithsobriety,"notifwewerethreehundredagainstSunday。"
AndthemerenamestruckSymecoldandserious;hislaughterhaddiedinhisheartbeforeitcoulddieonhislips。ThefaceoftheunforgettablePresidentsprangintohismindasstartlingasacolouredphotograph,andheremarkedthisdifferencebetweenSundayandallhissatellites,thattheirfaces,howeverfierceorsinister,becamegraduallyblurredbymemorylikeotherhumanfaces,whereasSunday’sseemedalmosttogrowmoreactualduringabsence,asifaman’spaintedportraitshouldslowlycomealive。
Theywerebothsilentforameasureofmoments,andthenSyme’sspeechcamewitharush,likethesuddenfoamingofchampagne。
"Professor,"hecried,"itisintolerable。Areyouafraidofthisman?"
TheProfessorliftedhisheavylids,andgazedatSymewithlarge,wide—open,blueeyesofanalmostetherealhonesty。
"Yes,Iam,"hesaidmildly。"Soareyou。"
Symewasdumbforaninstant。Thenherosetohisfeeterect,likeaninsultedman,andthrustthechairawayfromhim。
"Yes,"hesaidinavoiceindescribable,"youareright。Iamafraidofhim。ThereforeIswearbyGodthatIwillseekoutthismanwhomIfearuntilIfindhim,andstrikehimonthemouth。Ifheavenwerehisthroneandtheearthhisfootstool,IswearthatIwouldpullhimdown。"
"How?"askedthestaringProfessor。"Why?"
"BecauseIamafraidofhim,"saidSyme;"andnomanshouldleaveintheuniverseanythingofwhichheisafraid。"
DeWormsblinkedathimwithasortofblindwonder。Hemadeanefforttospeak,butSymewentoninalowvoice,butwithanundercurrentofinhumanexaltation——
"Whowouldcondescendtostrikedownthemerethingsthathedoesnotfear?Whowoulddebasehimselftobemerelybrave,likeanycommonprizefighter?Whowouldstooptobefearless——likeatree?
Fightthethingthatyoufear。YouremembertheoldtaleoftheEnglishclergymanwhogavethelastritestothebrigandofSicily,andhowonhisdeath—bedthegreatrobbersaid,’Icangiveyounomoney,butIcangiveyouadviceforalifetime:yourthumbontheblade,andstrikeupwards。’SoIsaytoyou,strikeupwards,ifyoustrikeatthestars。"
Theotherlookedattheceiling,oneofthetricksofhispose。
"Sundayisafixedstar,"hesaid。
"Youshallseehimafallingstar,"saidSyme,andputonhishat。
ThedecisionofhisgesturedrewtheProfessorvaguelytohisfeet。
"Haveyouanyidea,"heasked,withasortofbenevolentbewilderment,"exactlywhereyouaregoing?"
"Yes,"repliedSymeshortly,"IamgoingtopreventthisbombbeingthrowninParis。"
"Haveyouanyconceptionhow?"inquiredtheother。
"No,"saidSymewithequaldecision。
"Youremember,ofcourse,"resumedthesoi—disantdeWorms,pullinghisbeardandlookingoutofthewindow,"thatwhenwebrokeupratherhurriedlythewholearrangementsfortheatrocitywereleftintheprivatehandsoftheMarquisandDr。Bull。TheMarquisisbythistimeprobablycrossingtheChannel。ButwherehewillgoandwhathewilldoitisdoubtfulwhethereventhePresidentknows;
certainlywedon’tknow。TheonlymanwhodoesknowisDr。Bull。
"Confoundit!"criedSyme。"Andwedon’tknowwhereheis。"
"Yes,"saidtheotherinhiscurious,absent—mindedway,"Iknowwhereheismyself。"
"Willyoutellme?"askedSymewitheagereyes。
"Iwilltakeyouthere,"saidtheProfessor,andtookdownhisownhatfromapeg。
Symestoodlookingathimwithasortofrigidexcitement。
"Whatdoyoumean?"heaskedsharply。"Willyoujoinme?Willyoutaketherisk?"
"Youngman,"saidtheProfessorpleasantly,"IamamusedtoobservethatyouthinkIamacoward。AstothatIwillsayonlyoneword,andthatshallbeentirelyinthemannerofyourownphilosophicalrhetoric。YouthinkthatitispossibletopulldownthePresident。
Iknowthatitisimpossible,andIamgoingtotryit,"andopeningthetaverndoor,whichletinablastofbitterair,theywentouttogetherintothedarkstreetsbythedocks。
Mostofthesnowwasmeltedortrampledtomud,buthereandthereaclotofitstillshowedgreyratherthanwhiteinthegloom。Thesmallstreetsweresloppyandfullofpools,whichreflectedtheflaminglampsirregularly,andbyaccident,likefragmentsofsomeotherandfallenworld。Symefeltalmostdazedashesteppedthroughthisgrowingconfusionoflightsandshadows;buthiscompanionwalkedonwithacertainbriskness,towardswhere,attheendofthestreet,aninchortwoofthelamplitriverlookedlikeabarofflame。
"Whereareyougoing?"Symeinquired。
"Justnow,"answeredtheProfessor,"IamgoingjustroundthecornertoseewhetherDr。Bullhasgonetobed。Heishygienic,andretiresearly。"
"Dr。Bull!"exclaimedSyme。"Doesheliveroundthecorner?"
"No,"answeredhisfriend。"Asamatteroffacthelivessomewayoff,ontheothersideoftheriver,butwecantellfromherewhetherhehasgonetobed。"
Turningthecornerashespoke,andfacingthedimriver,fleckedwithflame,hepointedwithhissticktotheotherbank。OntheSurreysideatthispointthereranoutintotheThames,seemingalmosttooverhangit,abulkandclusterofthosetalltenements,dottedwithlightedwindows,andrisinglikefactorychimneystoanalmostinsaneheight。TheirspecialpoiseandpositionmadeoneblockofbuildingsespeciallylooklikeaTowerofBabelwithahundredeyes。Symehadneverseenanyofthesky—scrapingbuildingsinAmerica,sohecouldonlythinkofthebuildingsinadream。
Evenashestared,thehighestlightinthisinnumerablylightedturretabruptlywentout,asifthisblackArgushadwinkedathimwithoneofhisinnumerableeyes。
ProfessordeWormsswungroundonhisheel,andstruckhisstickagainsthisboot。
"Wearetoolate,"hesaid,"thehygienicDoctorhasgonetobed。"
"Whatdoyoumean?"askedSyme。"Doesheliveoverthere,then?"
"Yes,"saiddeWorms,"behindthatparticularwindowwhichyoucan’tsee。Comealongandgetsomedinner。Wemustcallonhimtomorrowmorning。"
Withoutfurtherparley,heledthewaythroughseveralby—waysuntiltheycameoutintotheflareandclamouroftheEastIndiaDockRoad。TheProfessor,whoseemedtoknowhiswayabouttheneighbourhood,proceededtoaplacewherethelineoflightedshopsfellbackintoasortofabrupttwilightandquiet,inwhichanoldwhiteinn,alloutofrepair,stoodbacksometwentyfeetfromtheroad。
"YoucanfindgoodEnglishinnsleftbyaccidenteverywhere,likefossils,"explainedtheProfessor。"IoncefoundadecentplaceintheWestEnd。"
"Isuppose,"saidSyme,smiling,"thatthisisthecorrespondingdecentplaceintheEastEnd?"
"Itis,"saidtheProfessorreverently,andwentin。
Inthatplacetheydinedandslept,bothverythoroughly。Thebeansandbacon,whichtheseunaccountablepeoplecookedwell,theastonishingemergenceofBurgundyfromtheircellars,crownedSyme’ssenseofanewcomradeshipandcomfort。Throughallthisordealhisroothorrorhadbeenisolation,andtherearenowordstoexpresstheabyssbetweenisolationandhavingoneally。Itmaybeconcededtothemathematiciansthatfouristwicetwo。Buttwoisnottwiceone;twoistwothousandtimesone。Thatiswhy,inspiteofahundreddisadvantages,theworldwillalwaysreturntomonogamy。
Symewasabletopouroutforthefirsttimethewholeofhisoutrageoustale,fromthetimewhenGregoryhadtakenhimtothelittletavernbytheriver。Hediditidlyandamply,inaluxuriantmonologue,asamanspeakswithveryoldfriends。Onhisside,also,themanwhohadimpersonatedProfessordeWormswasnotlesscommunicative。HisownstorywasalmostassillyasSyme’s。
"That’sagoodget—upofyours,"saidSyme,drainingaglassofMacon;"alotbetterthanoldGogol’s。EvenatthestartIthoughthewasabittoohairy。"
"Adifferenceofartistictheory,"repliedtheProfessorpensively。
"Gogolwasanidealist。Hemadeupastheabstractorplatonicidealofananarchist。ButIamarealist。Iamaportraitpainter。
But,indeed,tosaythatIamaportraitpainterisaninadequateexpression。Iamaportrait。"
"Idon’tunderstandyou,"saidSyme。
"Iamaportrait,"repeatedtheProfessor。"IamaportraitofthecelebratedProfessordeWorms,whois,Ibelieve,inNaples。"
"Youmeanyouaremadeuplikehim,"saidSyme。"Butdoesn’theknowthatyouaretakinghisnoseinvain?"
"Heknowsitrightenough,"repliedhisfriendcheerfully。
"Thenwhydoesn’thedenounceyou?"
"Ihavedenouncedhim,"answeredtheProfessor。
"Doexplainyourself,"saidSyme。
"Withpleasure,ifyoudon’tmindhearingmystory,"repliedtheeminentforeignphilosopher。"Iambyprofessionanactor,andmynameisWilks。WhenIwasonthestageImixedwithallsortsofBohemianandblackguardcompany。SometimesItouchedtheedgeoftheturf,sometimestheriff—raffofthearts,andoccasionallythepoliticalrefugee。InsomedenofexileddreamersIwasintroducedtothegreatGermanNihilistphilosopher,ProfessordeWorms。Ididnotgathermuchabouthimbeyondhisappearance,whichwasverydisgusting,andwhichIstudiedcarefully。IunderstoodthathehadprovedthatthedestructiveprincipleintheuniversewasGod;
henceheinsistedontheneedforafuriousandincessantenergy,rendingallthingsinpieces。Energy,hesaid,wastheAll。Hewaslame,shortsighted,andpartiallyparalytic。WhenImethimIwasinafrivolousmood,andIdislikedhimsomuchthatIresolvedtoimitatehim。IfIhadbeenadraughtsmanIwouldhavedrawnacaricature。Iwasonlyanactor,Icouldonlyactacaricature。I
mademyselfupintowhatwasmeantforawildexaggerationoftheoldProfessor’sdirtyoldself。WhenIwentintotheroomfullofhissupportersIexpectedtobereceivedwitharoaroflaughter,or(iftheyweretoofargone)witharoarofindignationattheinsult。IcannotdescribethesurpriseIfeltwhenmyentrancewasreceivedwitharespectfulsilence,followed(whenIhadfirstopenedmylips)withamurmurofadmiration。Thecurseoftheperfectartisthadfallenuponme。Ihadbeentoosubtle,Ihadbeentootrue。TheythoughtIreallywasthegreatNihilistProfessor。Iwasahealthy—mindedyoungmanatthetime,andI
confessthatitwasablow。BeforeIcouldfullyrecover,however,twoorthreeoftheseadmirersranuptomeradiatingindignation,andtoldmethatapublicinsulthadbeenputuponmeinthenextroom。Iinquireditsnature。Itseemedthatanimpertinentfellowhaddressedhimselfupasapreposterousparodyofmyself。Ihaddrunkmorechampagnethanwasgoodforme,andinaflashoffollyIdecidedtoseethesituationthrough。ConsequentlyitwastomeettheglareofthecompanyandmyownliftedeyebrowsandfreezingeyesthattherealProfessorcameintotheroom。
"Ineedhardlysaytherewasacollision。ThepessimistsallroundmelookedanxiouslyfromoneProfessortotheotherProfessortoseewhichwasreallythemorefeeble。ButIwon。Anoldmaninpoorhealth,likemyrival,couldnotbeexpectedtobesoimpressivelyfeebleasayoungactorintheprimeoflife。Yousee,hereallyhadparalysis,andworkingwithinthisdefinitelimitation,hecouldn’tbesojollyparalyticasIwas。Thenhetriedtoblastmyclaimsintellectually。Icounteredthatbyaverysimpledodge。
Wheneverhesaidsomethingthatnobodybuthecouldunderstand,I
repliedwithsomethingwhichIcouldnotevenunderstandmyself。
’Idon’tfancy,’hesaid,’thatyoucouldhaveworkedouttheprinciplethatevolutionisonlynegation,sincethereinheresinittheintroductionoflacuna,whichareanessentialofdifferentiation。’Irepliedquitescornfully,’YoureadallthatupinPinckwerts;thenotionthatinvolutionfunctionedeugenicallywasexposedlongagobyGlumpe。’ItisunnecessaryformetosaythatthereneverweresuchpeopleasPinckwertsandGlumpe。Butthepeopleallround(rathertomysurprise)seemedtorememberthemquitewell,andtheProfessor,findingthatthelearnedandmysteriousmethodlefthimratheratthemercyofanenemyslightlydeficientinscruples,fellbackuponamorepopularformofwit。
’Isee,’hesneered,’youprevaillikethefalsepiginAesop。’
’Andyoufail,’Ianswered,smiling,’likethehedgehoginMontaigne。’NeedIsaythatthereisnohedgehoginMontaigne?
’Yourclaptrapcomesoff,’hesaid;’sowouldyourbeard。’Ihadnointelligentanswertothis,whichwasquitetrueandratherwitty。
ButIlaughedheartily,answered,’LikethePantheist’sboots,’atrandom,andturnedonmyheelwithallthehonoursofvictory。TherealProfessorwasthrownout,butnotwithviolence,thoughonemantriedverypatientlytopulloffhisnose。Heisnow,I
believe,receivedeverywhereinEuropeasadelightfulimpostor。
Hisapparentearnestnessandanger,yousee,makehimallthemoreentertaining。"
"Well,"saidSyme,"Icanunderstandyourputtingonhisdirtyoldbeardforanight’spracticaljoke,butIdon’tunderstandyournevertakingitoffagain。"
"Thatistherestofthestory,"saidtheimpersonator。"WhenI
myselfleftthecompany,followedbyreverentapplause,Iwentlimpingdownthedarkstreet,hopingthatIshouldsoonbefarenoughawaytobeabletowalklikeahumanbeing。Tomyastonishment,asIwasturningthecorner,Ifeltatouchontheshoulder,andturning,foundmyselfundertheshadowofanenormouspoliceman。HetoldmeIwaswanted。Istruckasortofparalyticattitude,andcriedinahighGermanaccent,’Yes,Iamwanted——bytheoppressedoftheworld。Youarearrestingmeonthechargeofbeingthegreatanarchist,ProfessordeWorms。’Thepolicemanimpassivelyconsultedapaperinhishand,’No,sir,’hesaidcivilly,’atleast,notexactly,sir。Iamarrestingyouonthechargeofnotbeingthecelebratedanarchist,ProfessordeWorms。’
Thischarge,ifitwascriminalatall,wascertainlythelighterofthetwo,andIwentalongwiththeman,doubtful,butnotgreatlydismayed。Iwasshownintoanumberofrooms,andeventuallyintothepresenceofapoliceofficer,whoexplainedthataseriouscampaignhadbeenopenedagainstthecentresofanarchy,andthatthis,mysuccessfulmasquerade,mightbeofconsiderablevaluetothepublicsafety。Heofferedmeagoodsalaryandthislittlebluecard。Thoughourconversationwasshort,hestruckmeasamanofverymassivecommonsenseandhumour;butIcannottellyoumuchabouthimpersonally,because——"
Symelaiddownhisknifeandfork。
"Iknow,"hesaid,"becauseyoutalkedtohiminadarkroom。"
ProfessordeWormsnoddedanddrainedhisglass。
CHAPTERIX
THEMANINSPECTACLES
"BURGUNDYisajollything,"saidtheProfessorsadly,ashesethisglassdown。
"Youdon’tlookasifitwere,"saidSyme;"youdrinkitasifitweremedicine。"
"Youmustexcusemymanner,"saidtheProfessordismally,"mypositionisratheracuriousone。InsideIamreallyburstingwithboyishmerriment;butIactedtheparalyticProfessorsowell,thatnowIcan’tleaveoff。SothatwhenIamamongfriends,andhavenoneedatalltodisguisemyself,Istillcan’thelpspeakingslowandwrinklingmyforehead——justasifitweremyforehead。Icanbequitehappy,youunderstand,butonlyinaparalyticsortofway。
Themostbuoyantexclamationsleapupinmyheart,buttheycomeoutofmymouthquitedifferent。Youshouldhearmesay,’Buckup,oldcock!’Itwouldbringtearstoyoureyes。"
"Itdoes,"saidSyme;"butIcannothelpthinkingthatapartfromallthatyouarereallyabitworried。"
TheProfessorstartedalittleandlookedathimsteadily。
"Youareaverycleverfellow,"hesaid,"itisapleasuretoworkwithyou。Yes,Ihaveratheraheavycloudinmyhead。Thereisagreatproblemtoface,"andhesankhisbaldbrowinhistwohands。
Thenhesaidinalowvoice——
"Canyouplaythepiano?"
"Yes,"saidSymeinsimplewonder,"I’msupposedtohaveagoodtouch。"
Then,astheotherdidnotspeak,headded——
"Itrustthegreatcloudislifted。"
Afteralongsilence,theProfessorsaidoutofthecavernousshadowofhishands——
"Itwouldhavedonejustaswellifyoucouldworkatypewriter。"
"Thankyou,"saidSyme,"youflatterme。"
"Listentome,"saidtheother,"andrememberwhomwehavetoseetomorrow。YouandIaregoingtomorrowtoattemptsomethingwhichisverymuchmoredangerousthantryingtostealtheCrownJewelsoutoftheTower。Wearetryingtostealasecretfromaverysharp,verystrong,andverywickedman。Ibelievethereisnoman,exceptthePresident,ofcourse,whoissoseriouslystartlingandformidableasthatlittlegrinningfellowingoggles。Hehasnotperhapsthewhite—hotenthusiasmuntodeath,themadmartyrdomforanarchy,whichmarkstheSecretary。ButthenthatveryfanaticismintheSecretaryhasahumanpathos,andisalmostaredeemingtrait。ButthelittleDoctorhasabrutalsanitythatismoreshockingthantheSecretary’sdisease。Don’tyounoticehisdetestablevirilityandvitality。Hebounceslikeanindia—rubberball。Dependonit,Sundaywasnotasleep(Iwonderifheeversleeps?)whenhelockedupalltheplansofthisoutrageintheround,blackheadofDr。Bull。"
"Andyouthink,"saidSyme,"thatthisuniquemonsterwillbesoothedifIplaythepianotohim?"
"Don’tbeanass,"saidhismentor。"Imentionedthepianobecauseitgivesonequickandindependentfingers。Syme,ifwearetogothroughthisinterviewandcomeoutsaneoralive,wemusthavesomecodeofsignalsbetweenusthatthisbrutewillnotsee。I
havemadearoughalphabeticalcyphercorrespondingtothefivefingers——likethis,see,"andherippledwithhisfingersonthewoodentable——"BAD,bad,awordwemayfrequentlyrequire。"
Symepouredhimselfoutanotherglassofwine,andbegantostudythescheme。Hewasabnormallyquickwithhisbrainsatpuzzles,andwithhishandsatconjuring,anditdidnottakehimlongtolearnhowhemightconveysimplemessagesbywhatwouldseemtobeidletapsuponatableorknee。Butwineandcompanionshiphadalwaystheeffectofinspiringhimtoafarcicalingenuity,andtheProfessorsoonfoundhimselfstrugglingwiththetoovastenergyofthenewlanguage,asitpassedthroughtheheatedbrainofSyme。
"Wemusthaveseveralword—signs,"saidSymeseriously——"wordsthatwearelikelytowant,fineshadesofmeaning。Myfavouritewordis’coeval’。What’syours?"
"Dostopplayingthegoat,"saidtheProfessorplaintively。"Youdon’tknowhowseriousthisis。"
"’Lush’too,"saidSyme,shakinghisheadsagaciously,"wemusthave’lush’——wordappliedtograss,don’tyouknow?"
"Doyouimagine,"askedtheProfessorfuriously,"thatwearegoingtotalktoDr。Bullaboutgrass?"
"Thereareseveralwaysinwhichthesubjectcouldbeapproached,"
saidSymereflectively,"andthewordintroducedwithoutappearingforced。Wemightsay,’Dr。Bull,asarevolutionist,yourememberthatatyrantonceadvisedustoeatgrass;andindeedmanyofus,lookingonthefreshlushgrassofsummer"’
"Doyouunderstand,"saidtheother,"thatthisisatragedy?"
"Perfectly,"repliedSyme;"alwaysbecomicinatragedy。Whatthedeuceelsecanyoudo?Iwishthislanguageofyourshadawiderscope。Isupposewecouldnotextenditfromthefingerstothetoes?Thatwouldinvolvepullingoffourbootsandsocksduringtheconversation,whichhoweverunobtrusivelyperformed——"
"Syme,"saidhisfriendwithasternsimplicity,"gotobed!"
Syme,however,satupinbedforaconsiderabletimemasteringthenewcode。Hewasawakenednextmorningwhiletheeastwasstillsealedwithdarkness,andfoundhisgrey—beardedallystandinglikeaghostbesidehisbed。
Symesatupinbedblinking;thenslowlycollectedhisthoughts,threwoffthebed—clothes,andstoodup。Itseemedtohiminsomecuriouswaythatallthesafetyandsociabilityofthenightbeforefellwiththebedclothesoffhim,andhestoodupinanairofcolddanger。Hestillfeltanentiretrustandloyaltytowardshiscompanion;butitwasthetrustbetweentwomengoingtothescaffold。
"Well,"saidSymewithaforcedcheerfulnessashepulledonhistrousers,"Idreamtofthatalphabetofyours。Didittakeyoulongtomakeitup?"
TheProfessormadenoanswer,butgazedinfrontofhimwitheyesthecolourofawintrysea;soSymerepeatedhisquestion。
"Isay,didittakeyoulongtoinventallthis?I’mconsideredgoodatthesethings,anditwasagoodhour’sgrind。Didyoulearnitallonthespot?"
TheProfessorwassilent;hiseyeswerewideopen,andheworeafixedbutverysmallsmile。
"Howlongdidittakeyou?"
TheProfessordidnotmove。
"Confoundyou,can’tyouanswer?"calledoutSyme,inasuddenangerthathadsomethinglikefearunderneath。WhetherornotheProfessorcouldanswer,hedidnot。
Symestoodstaringbackatthestifffacelikeparchmentandtheblank,blueeyes。HisfirstthoughtwasthattheProfessorhadgonemad,buthissecondthoughtwasmorefrightful。Afterall,whatdidheknowaboutthisqueercreaturewhomhehadheedlesslyacceptedasafriend?Whatdidheknow,exceptthatthemanhadbeenattheanarchistbreakfastandhadtoldhimaridiculoustale?HowimprobableitwasthatthereshouldbeanotherfriendtherebesideGogol!Wasthisman’ssilenceasensationalwayofdeclaringwar?
Wasthisadamantinestareafterallonlytheawfulsneerofsomethreefoldtraitor,whohadturnedforthelasttime?Hestoodandstrainedhisearsinthisheartlesssilence。Healmostfanciedhecouldheardynamiterscometocapturehimshiftingsoftlyinthecorridoroutside。
Thenhiseyestrayeddownwards,andheburstoutlaughing。ThoughtheProfessorhimselfstoodthereasvoicelessasastatue,hisfivedumbfingersweredancingaliveuponthedeadtable。Symewatchedthetwinklingmovementsofthetalkinghand,andreadclearlythemessage——
"Iwillonlytalklikethis。Wemustgetusedtoit。"
Herappedouttheanswerwiththeimpatienceofrelief——
"Allright。Let’sgetouttobreakfast。"
Theytooktheirhatsandsticksinsilence;butasSymetookhissword—stick,heheldithard。
Theypausedforafewminutesonlytostuffdowncoffeeandcoarsethicksandwichesatacoffeestall,andthenmadetheirwayacrosstheriver,whichunderthegreyandgrowinglightlookedasdesolateasAcheron。Theyreachedthebottomofthehugeblockofbuildingswhichtheyhadseenfromacrosstheriver,andbeganinsilencetomountthenakedandnumberlessstonesteps,onlypausingnowandthentomakeshortremarksontherailofthebanisters。Atabouteveryotherflighttheypassedawindow;eachwindowshowedthemapaleandtragicdawnliftingitselflaboriouslyoverLondon。
Fromeachtheinnumerableroofsofslatelookedliketheleadensurgesofagrey,troubledseaafterrain。Symewasincreasinglyconsciousthathisnewadventurehadsomehowaqualityofcoldsanityworsethanthewildadventuresofthepast。Lastnight,forinstance,thetalltenementshadseemedtohimlikeatowerinadream。Ashenowwentupthewearyandperpetualsteps,hewasdauntedandbewilderedbytheiralmostinfiniteseries。Butitwasnotthehothorrorofadreamorofanythingthatmightbeexaggerationordelusion。Theirinfinitywasmoreliketheemptyinfinityofarithmetic,somethingunthinkable,yetnecessarytothought。Oritwaslikethestunningstatementsofastronomyaboutthedistanceofthefixedstars。Hewasascendingthehouseofreason,athingmorehideousthanunreasonitself。
BythetimetheyreachedDr。Bull’slanding,alastwindowshowedthemaharsh,whitedawnedgedwithbanksofakindofcoarsered,morelikeredclaythanredcloud。AndwhentheyenteredDr。Bull’sbaregarretitwasfulloflight。
Symehadbeenhauntedbyahalfhistoricmemoryinconnectionwiththeseemptyroomsandthatausteredaybreak。ThemomenthesawthegarretandDr。Bullsittingwritingatatable,herememberedwhatthememorywas——theFrenchRevolution。Thereshouldhavebeentheblackoutlineofaguillotineagainstthatheavyredandwhiteofthemorning。Dr。Bullwasinhiswhiteshirtandblackbreechesonly;hiscropped,darkheadmightwellhavejustcomeoutofitswig;hemighthavebeenMaratoramoreslipshodRobespierre。
Yetwhenhewasseenproperly,theFrenchfancyfellaway。TheJacobinswereidealists;therewasaboutthismanamurderousmaterialism。HisDositiongavehimasomewhatnewappearance。Thestrong,whitelightofmorningcomingfromonesidecreatingsharpshadows,madehimseembothmorepaleandmoreangularthanhehadlookedatthebreakfastonthebalcony。Thusthetwoblackglassesthatencasedhiseyesmightreallyhavebeenblackcavitiesinhisskull,makinghimlooklikeadeath’s—head。And,indeed,ifeverDeathhimselfsatwritingatawoodentable,itmighthavebeenhe。
Helookedupandsmiledbrightlyenoughasthemencamein,androsewiththeresilientrapidityofwhichtheProfessorhadspoken。Hesetchairsforbothofthem,andgoingtoapegbehindthedoor,proceededtoputonacoatandwaistcoatofrough,darktweed;hebuttoneditupneatly,andcamebacktositdownathistable。
Thequietgoodhumourofhismannerlefthistwoopponentshelpless。ItwaswithsomemomentarydifficultythattheProfessorbrokesilenceandbegan,"I’msorrytodisturbyousoearly,comrade,"saidhe,withacarefulresumptionoftheslowdeWormsmanner。"YouhavenodoubtmadeallthearrangementsfortheParisaffair?"Thenheaddedwithinfiniteslowness,"Wehaveinformationwhichrendersintolerableanythinginthenatureofamoment’sdelay。"
Dr。Bullsmiledagain,butcontinuedtogazeonthemwithoutspeaking。TheProfessorresumed,apausebeforeeachwearyword——
"Pleasedonotthinkmeexcessivelyabrupt;butIadviseyoutoalterthoseplans,orifitistoolateforthat,tofollowyouragentwithallthesupportyoucangetforhim。ComradeSymeandIhavehadanexperiencewhichitwouldtakemoretimetorecountthanwecanafford,ifwearetoactonit。Iwill,however,relatetheoccurrenceindetail,evenattheriskoflosingtime,ifyoureallyfeelthatitisessentialtotheunderstandingoftheproblemwehavetodiscuss。"
Hewasspinningouthissentences,makingthemintolerablylongandlingering,inthehopeofmaddeningthepracticallittleDoctorintoanexplosionofimpatiencewhichmightshowhishand。
ButthelittleDoctorcontinuedonlytostareandsmile,andthemonologuewasuphillwork。Symebegantofeelanewsicknessanddespair。TheDoctor’ssmileandsilencewerenotatalllikethecatalepticstareandhorriblesilencewhichhehadconfrontedintheProfessorhalfanhourbefore。AbouttheProfessor’smakeupandallhisanticstherewasalwayssomethingmerelygrotesque,likeagollywog。SymerememberedthosewildwoesofyesterdayasoneremembersbeingafraidofBogyinchildhood。Butherewasdaylight;herewasahealthy,square—shoulderedmanintweeds,notoddsavefortheaccidentofhisuglyspectacles,notglaringorgrinningatall,butsmilingsteadilyandnotsayingaword。
Thewholehadasenseofunbearablereality。UndertheincreasingsunlightthecoloursoftheDoctor’scomplexion,thepatternofhistweeds,grewandexpandedoutrageously,assuchthingsgrowtooimportantinarealisticnovel。Buthissmilewasquiteslight,theposeofhisheadpolite;theonlyuncannythingwashissilence。
"AsIsay,"resumedtheProfessor,likeamantoilingthroughheavysand,"theincidentthathasoccurredtousandhasledustoaskforinformationabouttheMarquis,isonewhichyoumaythinkitbettertohavenarrated;butasitcameinthewayofComradeSymeratherthanme——"
Hiswordsheseemedtobedraggingoutlikewordsinananthem;
butSyme,whowaswatching,sawhislongfingersrattlequicklyontheedgeofthecrazytable。Hereadthemessage,"Youmustgoon。Thisdevilhassuckedmedry!"
Symeplungedintothebreachwiththatbravadoofimprovisationwhichalwayscametohimwhenhewasalarmed。
"Yes,thethingreallyhappenedtome,"hesaidhastily。"Ihadthegoodfortunetofallintoconversationwithadetectivewhotookme,thankstomyhat,forarespectableperson。Wishingtoclinchmyreputationforrespectability,ItookhimandmadehimverydrunkattheSavoy。Underthisinfluencehebecamefriendly,andtoldmeinsomanywordsthatwithinadayortwotheyhopetoarresttheMarquisinFrance。
SounlessyouorIcangetonhistrack——"
TheDoctorwasstillsmilinginthemostfriendlyway,andhisprotectedeyeswerestillimpenetrable。TheProfessorsignalledtoSymethathewouldresumehisexplanation,andhebeganagainwiththesameelaboratecalm。
"Symeimmediatelybroughtthisinformationtome,andwecameheretogethertoseewhatuseyouwouldbeinclinedtomakeofit。Itseemstomeunquestionablyurgentthat——"
AllthistimeSymehadbeenstaringattheDoctoralmostassteadilyastheDoctorstaredattheProfessor,butquitewithoutthesmile。Thenervesofbothcomrades—in—armswerenearsnappingunderthatstrainofmotionlessamiability,whenSymesuddenlyleantforwardandidlytappedtheedgeofthetable。Hismessagetohisallyran,"Ihaveanintuition。"
TheProfessor,withscarcelyapauseinhismonologue,signalledback,"Thensitonit。"
Symetelegraphed,"Itisquiteextraordinary。"
Theotheranswered,"Extraordinaryrot!"
Symesaid,"Iamapoet。"
Theotherretorted,"Youareadeadman。"
Symehadgonequitereduptohisyellowhair,andhiseyeswereburningfeverishly。Ashesaidhehadanintuition,andithadrisentoasortoflightheadedcertainty。Resuminghissymbolictaps,hesignalledtohisfriend,"Youscarcelyrealisehowpoeticmyintuitionis。Ithasthatsuddenqualitywesometimesfeelinthecomingofspring。"
Hethenstudiedtheansweronhisfriend’sfingers。Theanswerwas,"Gotohell!"
TheProfessorthenresumedhismerelyverbalmonologueaddressedtotheDoctor。
"PerhapsIshouldrathersay,"saidSymeonhisfingers,"thatitresemblesthatsuddensmelloftheseawhichmaybefoundintheheartoflushwoods。"
Hiscompaniondisdainedtoreply。
"Oryetagain,"tappedSyme,"itispositive,asisthepassionateredhairofabeautifulwoman。"
TheProfessorwascontinuinghisspeech,butinthemiddleofitSymedecidedtoact。Heleantacrossthetable,andsaidinavoicethatcouldnotbeneglected——
"Dr。Bull!"
TheDoctor’ssleekandsmilingheaddidnotmove,buttheycouldhaveswornthatunderhisdarkglasseshiseyesdartedtowardsSyme。
"Dr。Bull,"saidSyme,inavoicepeculiarlypreciseandcourteous,"wouldyoudomeasmallfavour?Wouldyoubesokindastotakeoffyourspectacles?"
TheProfessorswungroundonhisseat,andstaredatSymewithasortoffrozenfuryofastonishment。Syme,likeamanwhohasthrownhislifeandfortuneonthetable,leanedforwardwithafieryface。TheDoctordidnotmove。
Forafewsecondstherewasasilenceinwhichonecouldhearapindrop,splitoncebythesinglehootofadistantsteamerontheThames。ThenDr。Bullroseslowly,stillsmiling,andtookoffhisspectacles。
Symesprangtohisfeet,steppingbackwardsalittle,likeachemicallecturerfromasuccessfulexplosion。Hiseyeswerelikestars,andforaninstanthecouldonlypointwithoutspeaking。
TheProfessorhadalsostartedtohisfeet,forgetfulofhissupposedparalysis。HeleantonthebackofthechairandstareddoubtfullyatDr。Bull,asiftheDoctorhadbeenturnedintoatoadbeforehiseyes。Andindeeditwasalmostasgreatatransformationscene。
Thetwodetectivessawsittinginthechairbeforethemaveryboyish—lookingyoungman,withveryfrankandhappyhazeleyes,anopenexpression,cockneyclotheslikethoseofacityclerk,andanunquestionablebreathabouthimofbeingverygoodandrathercommonplace。Thesmilewasstillthere,butitmighthavebeenthefirstsmileofababy。
"IknewIwasapoet,"criedSymeinasortofecstasy。"IknewmyintuitionwasasinfallibleasthePope。Itwasthespectaclesthatdidit!Itwasallthespectacles。Giventhosebeastlyblackeyes,andalltherestofhimhishealthandhisjollylooks,madehimalivedevilamongdeadones。"
"Itcertainlydoesmakeaqueerdifference,"saidtheProfessorshakily。"ButasregardstheprojectofDr。Bull——"
"Projectbedamned!"roaredSyme,besidehimself。"Lookathim!
Lookathisface,lookathiscollar,lookathisblessedboots!
Youdon’tsuppose,doyou,thatthatthing’sananarchist?"
"Syme!"criedtheotherinanapprehensiveagony。
"Why,byGod,"saidSyme,"I’lltaketheriskofthatmyself!Dr。
Bull,Iamapoliceofficer。There’smycard,"andheflungdownthebluecarduponthetable。
TheProfessorstillfearedthatallwaslost;buthewasloyal。Hepulledouthisownofficialcardandputitbesidehisfriend’s。
Thenthethirdmanburstoutlaughing,andforthefirsttimethatmorningtheyheardhisvoice。
"I’mawfullygladyouchapshavecomesoearly,"hesaid,withasortofschoolboyflippancy,"forwecanallstartforFrancetogether。Yes,I’mintheforcerightenough,"andheflickedabluecardtowardsthemlightlyasamatterofform。
Clappingabriskbowleronhisheadandresuminghisgoblinglasses,theDoctormovedsoquicklytowardsthedoor,thattheothersinstinctivelyfollowedhim。Symeseemedalittledistrait,andashepassedunderthedoorwayhesuddenlystruckhisstickonthestonepassagesothatitrang。
"ButLordGodAlmighty,"hecriedout,"ifthisisallright,thereweremoredamneddetectivesthanthereweredamneddynamitersatthedamnedCouncil!"
"Wemighthavefoughteasily,"saidBull;"wewerefouragainstthree。"
TheProfessorwasdescendingthestairs,buthisvoicecameupfrombelow。
"No,"saidthevoice,"wewerenotfouragainstthree——wewerenotsolucky。WewerefouragainstOne。"
Theotherswentdownthestairsinsilence。
TheyoungmancalledBull,withaninnocentcourtesycharacteristicofhim,insistedongoinglastuntiltheyreachedthestreet;buttherehisownrobustrapidityasserteditselfunconsciously,andhewalkedquicklyonaheadtowardsarailwayinquiryoffice,talkingtotheothersoverhisshoulder。
"Itisjollytogetsomepals,"hesaid。"I’vebeenhalfdeadwiththejumps,beingquitealone。InearlyflungmyarmsroundGogolandembracedhim,whichwouldhavebeenimprudent。Ihopeyouwon’tdespisemeforhavingbeeninabluefunk。"
"Allthebluedevilsinbluehell,"saidSyme,"contributedtomybluefunk!Buttheworstdevilwasyouandyourinfernalgoggles。"
Theyoungmanlaugheddelightedly。