Againstourfellow—menwecanprotectourselves，butiftheladiesaregoingtoattackus——reallyitisn’tfair。"
　　MissMontgomerypleaded。
　　"I’llthinkitover，"wasallthatMr。Jowettcouldbemadetopromise。"Lookmeupagain。"
　　"When？"askedMissMontgomery。
　　"What’sto—day？——Thursday。SayMonday。"Mr。Jowettrangthebell。
　　"Takemyadvice，"saidtheoldgentleman，layingafatherlyhandonJohnny’sshoulder，"leavebusinesstousmen。Youareahandsomegirl。Youcandobetterforyourselfthanthis。"
　　Aclerkentered，Johnnyrose。
　　"OnMondaynext，then，"Johnnyremindedhim。
　　"Atfouro’clock，"agreedMr。Jowett。"Goodafternoon。"
　　Johnnywentoutfeelingdisappointed，andyet，ashetoldhimself，hehadn’tdonesobadly。Anyhow，therewasnothingforitbuttowaittillMonday。Nowhewouldgohome，changehisclothes，andgetsomedinner。Hehailedahansom。
　　"Numbertwenty—eight——no。StopattheQueen’sStreetcornerofLincoln’sInnFields，"Johnnydirectedtheman。
　　"Quiteright，miss，"commentedthecabmanpleasantly。"Corner’sbest——savesalltalk。"
　　"Whatdoyoumean？"demandedJohnny。
　　"Nooffence，miss，"answeredtheman。"Wewasallyoungonce。"
　　Johnnyclimbedin。AtthecornerofQueenStreetandLincoln’sInnFields，Johnnygotout。Johnny，whohadbeenponderingothermatters，puthishandinstinctivelytowhere，speakinggenerally，hispocketshouldhavebeen;thenrecollectedhimself。
　　"Letmesee，didIthinktobringanymoneyoutwithme，ordidI
　　not？"musedJohnny，ashestooduponthekerb。
　　"Lookintheridicule，miss，"suggestedthecabman。
　　Johnnylooked。Itwasempty。
　　"PerhapsIputitinmypocket，"thoughtJohnny。
　　Thecabmanhitchedhisreinstothewhip—socketandleantback。
　　"It’ssomewhereabouthere，Iknow，Isawit，"Johnnytoldhimself。
　　"Sorrytokeepyouwaiting，"Johnnyaddedaloudtothecabman。
　　"Don’tyouworryaboutthat，miss，"repliedthecabmancivilly;"weareusedtoit。Ashillingaquarterofanhouriswhatwecharge。"
　　"Ofallthedamnedsillytricks！"mutteredJohnnytohimself。
　　Twosmallboysandagirlcarryingababypaused，interested。
　　"Goaway，"toldthemthecabman。"You’llhavetroublesofyourownoneday。"
　　Theurchinsmovedafewstepsfurther，thenhaltedagainandwerejoinedbyaslatternlywomanandanotherboy。
　　"Gotit！"criedJohnny，unabletosuppresshisdelightashishandslippedthroughafold。Theladywiththebaby，withoutpreciselyknowingwhy，setupashrillcheer。Johnny’sdelightdiedaway;itwasn’tthepocket—hole。Shortoftakingtheskirtoffandturningitinsideout，itdidn’tseemtoJohnnythatheeverwouldfindthatpocket。
　　Theninthatmomentofdespairhecameacrossitaccidentally。Itwasasemptyasthereticule！
　　"Iamsorry，"saidJohnnytothecabman，"butIappeartohavecomeoutwithoutmypurse。"
　　Thecabmansaidhehadheardthattalebefore，andwasmakingpreparationstodescend。Thecrowd，nownumberingeleven，lookedhopeful。ItoccurredtoJohnnylaterthathemighthaveofferedhisumbrellatothecabman;atleastitwouldhavefetchedtheeighteenpence。Onethinksofthesethingsafterwards。Theonlyideathatoccurredtohimatthemomentwasthatofgettinghome。
　　"’Ere，’oldmy’orseaminute，oneofyer，"shoutedthecabman。
　　Halfadozenwillinghandsseizedthedozingsteedandrouseditintomadness。
　　"Hi！stop’er！"roaredthecabman。
　　"She’sdown！"shoutedtheexcitedcrowd。
　　"Trippedover’erskirt，"explainedtheslatternlywoman。"Theydo’amperyou。"
　　"No，she’snot。She’supagain！"vociferatedadelightedplumber，withasoundingslaponhisownleg。"Gorblimy，ifsheain’tagood’un！"
　　FortunatelytheSquarewastolerablyclearandJohnnyagoodrunner。Holdingnowhisskirtandpetticoathighinhislefthand，JohnnymovedacrosstheSquareattherateoffifteenmilesanhour。Abutcher’sboyspranginfrontofhimwitharmsheldouttostophim。Thethingthatforthenextthreemonthsannoyedthatbutcherboymostwashearingshoutedoutafterhim"Yah！whowasknockeddownandrunoverbyalidy？"BythetimeJohnnyreachedtheStrand，viaClement’sInn，thehueandcrywasfarbehind。
　　Johnnydroppedhisskirtsandassumedamoregirlishpace。ThroughBowStreetandLongAcrehereachedGreatQueenStreetinsafety。
　　Uponhisowndoorstephebegantolaugh。Hisafternoon’sexperiencehadbeenamusing;still，onthewhole，hewasn’tsorryitwasover。Onecanhavetoomuchevenofthebestofjokes。
　　Johnnyrangthebell。
　　Thedooropened。Johnnywouldhavewalkedinhadnotabig，raw—
　　bonedwomanbarredhisprogress。
　　"Whatdoyouwant？"demandedtheraw—bonedwoman。
　　"Wanttocomein，"explainedJohnny。
　　"Whatdoyouwanttocomeinfor？"
　　ThisappearedtoJohnnyafoolishquestion。Onreflectionhesawthesenseofit。Thisraw—bonedwomanwasnotMrs。Pegg，hislandlady。Somefriendofhers，hesupposed。
　　"It’sallright，"saidJohnny，"Ilivehere。Leftmylatchkeyathome，that’sall。"
　　"There’snofemaleslodginghere，"declaredtheraw—bonedlady。
　　"Andwhat’smore，there’sgoingtobenone。"
　　Allthiswasveryvexing。Johnny，inhisjoyatreachinghisowndoorstep，hadnotforeseenthesecomplications。Nowitwouldbenecessarytoexplainthings。Heonlyhopedthestorywouldnotgetroundtothefellowsattheclub。
　　"AskMrs。Peggtostepupforaminute，"requestedJohnny。
　　"Notat’ome，"explainedtheraw—bonedlady。
　　"Not——notathome？"
　　"GonetoRomford，ifyouwishtoknow，toseehermother。"
　　"GonetoRomford？"
　　"IsaidRomford，didn’tI？"retortedtheraw—bonedlady，tartly。
　　"What——whattimedoyouexpectherin？"
　　"Sundayevening，sixo’clock，"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。
　　Johnnylookedattheraw—bonedlady，imaginedhimselftellingtheraw—bonedladythesimple，unvarnishedtruth，andtheraw—bonedlady’sutterdisbeliefofeverywordofit。Aninspirationcametohisaid。
　　"IamMr。Bulstrode’ssister，"saidJohnnymeekly;"he’sexpectingme。"
　　"Thoughtyousaidyoulivedhere？"remindedhimtheraw—bonedlady。
　　"Imeantthathelivedhere，"repliedpoorJohnnystillmoremeekly。"Hehasthesecondfloor，youknow。"
　　"Iknow，"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。"Notinjustatpresent。"
　　"Notin？"
　　"Wentoutatthreeo’clock。"
　　"I’llgouptohisroomandwaitforhim，"saidJohnny。
　　"No，youwon’t，"saidtheraw—bonedlady。
　　ForaninstantitoccurredtoJohnnytomakeadashforit，buttheraw—bonedladylookedbothformidableanddetermined。Therewouldbeabigdisturbance——perhapsthepolicecalledin。Johnnyhadoftenwantedtoseehisnameinprint：inconnectionwiththisaffairhesomehowfelthedidn’t。
　　"Doletmein，"Johnnypleaded;"Ihavenowhereelsetogo。"
　　"Youhaveawalkandcoolyourself，"suggestedtheraw—bonedlady。
　　"Don’texpecthewillbelong。"
　　"But，yousee——"
　　Theraw—bonedladyslammedthedoor。
　　OutsidearestaurantinWellingtonStreet，fromwhichproceededsavouryodours，Johnnypausedandtriedtothink。
　　"WhatthedevildidIdowiththatumbrella？Ihadit——no，I
　　didn’t。Musthavedroppedit，Isuppose，whenthatsillyasstriedtostopme。ByJove！Iamhavingluck！"
　　OutsideanotherrestaurantintheStrandJohnnypausedagain。"HowamItolivetillSundaynight？WhereamItosleep？IfI
　　telegraphhome——damnit！howcanItelegraph？Ihaven’tgotapenny。Thisisfunny，"saidJohnny，unconsciouslyspeakingaloud;
　　"uponmyword，thisisfunny！Oh！yougoto——。"
　　Johnnyhurledthislastattheheadofanovergrownerrand—boywhoseintentionhadbeentooffersympathy。
　　"Well，Inever！"commentedapassingflower—girl。"Calls’erselfalidy，Isuppose。"
　　"Nowadays，"observedthestudandbuttonmerchantatthecornerofExeterStreet，"theymake’emoutofanything。"
　　Drawnbyanotionthatwasforminginhismind，JohnnyturnedhisstepsupBedfordStreet。"Whynot？"musedJohnny。"Nobodyelseseemstohaveasuspicion。Whyshouldthey？I’llneverhearthelastofitiftheyfindmeout。Butwhyshouldtheyfindmeout？
　　Well，something’sgottobedone。"
　　Johnnywalkedonquickly。AtthedooroftheAutolycusClubhewasundecidedforamoment，thentookhiscourageinbothhandsandplungedthroughtheswingdoors。
　　"IsMr。Herring——Mr。JackHerring——here？"
　　"Findhiminthesmoking—room，Mr。Bulstrode，"answeredoldGoslin，whowasreadingtheeveningpaper。
　　"Oh，wouldyoumindaskinghimtostepoutamoment？"
　　OldGoslinlookedup，tookoffhisspectacles，rubbedthem，putthemonagain。
　　"PleasesayMissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。"
　　OldGoslinfoundJackHerringthecentreofanearnestargumentonHamlet——washereallymad？
　　"Aladytoseeyou，Mr。Herring，"announcedoldGoslin。
　　"Awhat？"
　　"MissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。She’swaitinginthehall。"
　　"Neverknewhehadasister，"saidJackHerring，rising。
　　"Waitaminute，"saidHarryBennett。"Shutthatdoor。Don’tgo。"
　　ThistooldGoslin，whoclosedthedoorandreturned。"Ladyinaheliotropedresswithalacecollar，threeflouncesontheskirt？"
　　"That’sright，Mr。Bennett，"agreedoldGoslin。
　　"It’stheBabehimself！"assertedHarryBennett。
　　ThequestionofHamlet’smadnesswasforgotten。
　　"WasinatStinchcombe’sthismorning，"explainedHarryBennett;
　　"sawtheclothesonthecounteraddressedtohim。That’stheidenticalfrock。Thisisjusta’tryon’——thinkshe’sgoingtohavealarkwithus。"
　　TheAutolycusClublookedroundatitself。
　　"Icanseeverrapromisingpossibilitiesinthis，providedthethingisproperlymanaged，"saidtheWeeLaddie，afterapause。
　　"SocanI，"agreedJackHerring。"Keepwhereyouare，allofyou。
　　’Twouldbeapitytofoolit，"
　　TheAutolycusClubwaited。JackHerringre—enteredtheroom。
　　"OneofthesaddeststoriesIhaveeverheardinallmylife，"
　　explainedJackHerringinawhisper。"PoorgirlleftDerbyshirethismorningtocomeandseeherbrother;foundhimout——hasn’tbeenseenathislodgingssincethreeo’clock;fearssomethingmayhavehappenedtohim。LandladygonetoRomfordtoseehermother;
　　strangewomanincharge，won’tletherintowaitforhim。"
　　"Howsaditiswhentroubleovertakestheinnocentandhelpless！"
　　murmuredSomervilletheBriefless。
　　"That’snottheworstofit，"continuedJack。"Thedeargirlhasbeenrobbedofeverythingshepossesses，evenofherumbrella，andhasn’tgotasou;hasn’thadanydinner，anddoesn’tknowwheretosleep。"
　　"Soundsabitelaborate，"thoughtPorson。
　　"IthinkIcanunderstandit，"saidtheBrieflessone。"Whathashappenedisthis。He’sdressedupthinkingtohaveabitoffunwithus，andhascomeout，forgettingtoputanymoneyorhislatchkeyinhispocket。HislandladymayhavegonetoRomfordormaynot。Inanycase，hewouldhavetoknockatthedoorandenterintoexplanations。Whatdoeshesuggest——theloanofasovereign？"
　　"Theloanoftwo，"repliedJackHerring。
　　"Tobuyhimselfasuitofclothes。Don’tyoudoit，Jack。
　　Providencehasimposedthisuponus。Ourdutyistoshowhimthefollyofindulginginsenselessescapades。"
　　"Ithinkwemightgivehimadinner，"thoughtthestoutandsympatheticPorson。
　　"WhatIproposetodo，"grinnedJack，"istotakehimroundtoMrs。
　　Postwhistle’s。She’sunderasortofobligationtome。ItwasI
　　whogotherthepostoffice。We’llleavehimthereforanight，withinstructionstoMrs。P。tokeepamotherlyeyeonhim。To—
　　morrowheshallhavehis’bitoffun，’andIguesshe’llbethefirsttogettiredofthejoke。"
　　Itlookedapromisingplot。SevenmembersoftheAutolycusClubgallantlyundertooktoaccompany"MissBulstrode"toherlodgings。
　　JackHerringexcitedjealousybysecuringtheprivilegeofcarryingherreticule。"MissBulstrode"wasgiventounderstandthatanythinganyofthesevencoulddoforher，eachandeverywouldbedelightedtodo，ifonlyforthesakeofherbrother，oneofthedearestboysthateverbreathed——abitofanass，thoughthat，ofcourse，hecouldnothelp。"MissBulstrode"wasnotasgratefulasperhapssheshouldhavebeen。Herideastillwasthatifoneofthemwouldlendheracoupleofsovereigns，therestneednotworrythemselvesfurther。This，purelyinherowninterests，theydeclinedtodo。Shehadsufferedoneextensiverobberythatdayalready，asJackremindedher。Londonwasacityofdangertotheyoungandinexperienced。Farbetterthattheyshouldwatchoverherandprovideforhersimplewants。Painfulasitwastorefusealady，abelovedcompanion’ssister’swelfarewasyetdearertothem。"MissBulstrode’s"onlydesirewasnottowastetheirtime。
　　JackHerring’sopinionwasthatthereexistednotrueEnglishmanwhowouldgrudgetimespentuponsuccouringabeautifulmaidenindistress。
　　Arrivedatthelittlegrocer’sshopinRollsCourt，JackHerringdrewMrs。Postwhistleaside。
　　"She’sthesisterofaverydearfriendofours，"explainedJackHerring。
　　"Afine—lookinggirl，"commentedMrs。Postwhistle。
　　"Ishallberoundagaininthemorning。Don’tletheroutofyoursight，and，aboveall，don’tlendheranymoney，"directedJackHerring。
　　"Iunderstand，"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。
　　"MissBulstrode"havingdespatchedanexcellentsupperofcoldmuttonandbottledbeer，leantbackinherchairandcrossedherlegs。
　　"Ihaveoftenwondered，"remarkedMissBulstrode，hereyesfixedupontheceiling，"whatacigarettewouldtastelike。"
　　"Tastenasty，Ishouldsay，thefirsttime，"thoughtMrs。
　　Postwhistle，whowasknitting。
　　"Somegirls，soIhaveheard，"remarkedMissBulstrode，"smokecigarettes。"
　　"Notnicegirls，"thoughtMrs。Postwhistle。
　　"OneofthenicestgirlsIeverknew，"remarkedMissBulstrode，"alwayssmokedacigaretteaftersupper。Saiditsoothedhernerves。"
　　"Wouldn’t’avethoughtsoifI’d’adchargeof’er，"saidMrs。
　　Postwhistle。
　　"Ithink，"saidMissBulstrode，whoseemedrestless，"IthinkI
　　shallgoforalittlewalkbeforeturningin。"
　　"Perhapsitwoulddousgood，"agreedMrs。Postwhistle，layingdownherknitting。
　　"Don’tyoutroubletocome，"urgedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode。
　　"Youlooktired。"
　　"Notatall，"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。"FeelIshouldlikeit。"
　　InsomerespectsMrs。Postwhistleprovedanadmirablecompanion。
　　Sheaskednoquestions，andonlyspokewhenspokento，which，duringthatwalk，wasnotoften。Attheendofhalfanhour，MissBulstrodepleadedaheadacheandthoughtshewouldreturnhomeandgotobed。Mrs。Postwhistlethoughtitareasonableidea。
　　"Well，it’sbetterthantrampingthestreets，"mutteredJohnny，asthebedroomdoorwasclosedbehindhim，"andthat’sallonecansayforit。Mustgetholdofasmoketo—morrow，ifIhavetorobthetill。What’sthat？"Johnnystoleacrosson，tiptoe。"Confoundit！"saidJohnny，"ifshehasn’tlockedthedoor！"
　　Johnnysatdownuponthebedandtookstockofhisposition。"Itdoesn’tseemtome，"thoughtJohnny，"thatI’mevergoingtogetoutofthismess。"Johnny，stillmuttering，unfastenedhisstays。
　　"ThankGod，that’soff！"ejaculatedJohnnypiously，ashewatchedhisformslowlyexpanding。"SupposeI’llbeusedtothembeforeI’vefinishedwiththem。"
　　Johnnyhadanightofdreams。
　　Forthewholeofnextday，whichwasFriday，Johnnyremained"MissBulstrode，"hopingagainsthopetofindanopportunitytoescapefromhispredicamentwithoutconfession。TheentireAutolycusClubappearedtohavefalleninlovewithhim。
　　"ThoughtIwasabitofafoolmyself，"musedJohnny，"whereapetticoatwasconcerned。Don’tbelievetheseblitheringidiotshaveeverseenagirlbefore。"
　　Theycameinones，theycameinlittleparties，andtenderedhimdevotion。EvenMrs。Postwhistle，accustomedtoregardhumanphenomenawithoutcomment，remarkeduponit。
　　"Whenyouarealltiredofit，"saidMrs。PostwhistletoJackHerring，"letmeknow。"
　　"Themomentwefindherbrother，"explainedJackHerring，"ofcourseweshalltakehertohim。"
　　"Nothinglikelookingintherightplaceforathingwhenyou’vefinishedlookingintheothers，"observedMrs。Postwhistle。
　　"Whatdoyoumean？"demandedJack。
　　"JustwhatIsay，"answeredMrs。Postwhistle。
　　JackHerringlookedatMrs。Postwhistle。ButMrs。Postwhistle’sfacewasnotoftheexpressiveorder。
　　"Postofficestillgoingstrong？"askedJackHerring。
　　"Thepostoffice’asbeenagreat’elptome，"admittedMrs。
　　Postwhistle;"andI’mnotforgettingthatIoweittoyou。"
　　"Don’tmentionit，"murmuredJackHerring。
　　Theybroughtherpresents——nothingveryexpensive，moreastokensofregard：daintypacketsofsweets，nosegaysofsimpleflowers，bottlesofscent。ToSomerville"MissBulstrode"hintedthatifhereallydiddesiretopleaseher，andwasn’tmerelytalkingthroughhishat——MissBulstrodeapologisedfortheslang，which，shefeared，shemusthavepickedupfromherbrother——hemightgiveheraboxofMessani’scigarettes，sizeNo。2。Thesuggestionpainedhim。SomervilletheBrieflesswasperhapsold—fashioned。MissBulstrodecuthimshortbyagreeingthathewas，andseemeddisinclinedforfurtherconversation。
　　TheytookhertoMadameTussaud’s。TheytookheruptheMonument。
　　TheytookhertotheTowerofLondon。IntheeveningtheytookhertothePolytechnictoseePepper’sGhost。Theymadeamerrypartywherevertheywent。
　　"Seemtobeenjoyingthemselves！"remarkedothersightseers，surprisedandenvious。
　　"Girlseemstobeabitoutofit，"remarkedothers，moreobservant。
　　"Sulky—lookingbito’goods，Icallher，"remarkedsomeoftheladies。
　　ThefortitudewithwhichMissBulstrodeborethemysteriousdisappearanceofherbrotherexcitedadmiration。
　　"Hadn’twebettertelegraphtoyourpeopleinDerbyshire？"
　　suggestedJackHerring。
　　"Don’tdoit，"vehementlyprotestedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode;
　　"itmightalarmthem。Thebestplanisforyoutolendmeacoupleofsovereignsandletmereturnhomequietly。"
　　"Youmightberobbedagain，"fearedJackHerring。"I’llgodownwithyou。"
　　"Perhapshe’llturnupto—morrow，"thoughtMissBulstrode。"Expecthe’sgoneonavisit。"
　　"Heoughtnottohavedoneit，"thoughtJackHerring，"knowingyouwerecoming。"
　　"Oh！he’slikethat，"explainedMissBulstrode。
　　"IfIhadayoungandbeautifulsister——"saidJackHerring。
　　"Oh！let’stalkofsomethingelse，"suggestedMissBulstrode。"Youmakemetired。"
　　WithJackHerring，inparticular，Johnnywasbeginningtolosepatience。That"MissBulstrode’s"charmshadevidentlystruckJackHerringallofaheap，asthesayingis，hadinthebeginningamusedMasterJohnny。Indeed——asintheseclusionofhisbedchamberoverthelittlegrocer’sshophetoldhimselfwithbitterself—reproach——hehadundoubtedlyencouragedtheman。FromadmirationJackhadrapidlypassedtoinfatuation，frominfatuationtoapparentimbecility。HadJohnny’smindbeenlessintentuponhisowntroubles，hemighthavebeensuspicious。Asitwas，andafterallthathadhappened，nothingnowcouldastonishJohnny。
　　"ThankHeaven，"murmuredJohnny，asheblewoutthelight，"thisMrs。Postwhistleappearstobeareliablewoman。"
　　Now，aboutthesametimethatJohnny’sheadwasfallingthusuponhispillow，theAutolycusClubsatdiscussingplansfortheirnextday’sentertainment。
　　"Ithink，"saidJackHerring，"theCrystalPalaceinthemorningwhenit’sniceandquiet。"
　　"TobefollowedbyGreenwichHospitalintheafternoon，"suggestedSomerville。
　　"WindingupwiththeMooreandBurgessMinstrelsintheevening，"
　　thoughtPorson。
　　"Hardlytheplacefortheyoungperson，"fearedJackHerring。
　　"Someofthejokes——"
　　"Mr。BrandramgivesareadingofJuliusCaesaratSt。George’sHall，"theWeeLaddieinformedthemfortheirguidance。
　　"Hallo！"saidAlexanderthePoet，enteringatthemoment。"Whatareyoualltalkingabout？"
　　"WewerediscussingwheretotakeMissBulstrodeto—morrowevening，"informedhimJackHerring。
　　"MissBulstrode，"repeatedthePoetinatoneofsomesurprise。
　　"DoyoumeanJohnnyBulstrode’ssister？"
　　"That’sthelady，"answeredJack。"Buthowdoyoucometoknowabouther？ThoughtyouwereinYorkshire。"
　　"Cameupyesterday，"explainedthePoet。"Travelledupwithher。"
　　"Travelledupwithher？"
　　"FromMatlockBath。What’sthematterwithyouall？"demandedthePoet。"Youallofyoulook——"
　　"Sitdown，"saidtheBrieflessonetothePoet。"Let’stalkthismatteroverquietly。"
　　AlexanderthePoet，mystified，satdown。
　　"YousayyoutravelleduptoLondonyesterdaywithMissBulstrode。
　　YouaresureitwasMissBulstrode？"
　　"Sure！"retortedthePoet。"Why，I’veknownhereversinceshewasababy。"
　　"AboutwhattimedidyoureachLondon？"
　　"Three—thirty。"
　　"Andwhatbecameofher？Wheredidshesayshewasgoing？"
　　"Ineveraskedher。ThelastIsawofhershewasgettingintoacab。Ihadanappointmentmyself，andwas——Isay，what’sthematterwithHerring？"
　　Herringhadrisenandwaswalkingaboutwithhisheadbetweenhishands。
　　"Nevermindhim。MissBulstrodeisaladyofabout——howold？"
　　"Eighteen——no，nineteenlastbirthday。"
　　"Atall，handsomesortofgirl？"
　　"Yes。Isay，hasanythinghappenedtoher？"
　　"Nothinghashappenedtoher，"assuredhimSomerville。"SHE’Sallright。Beenhavingratheragoodtime，onthewhole。"
　　ThePoetwasrelievedtohearit。
　　"Iaskedheranhourago，"saidJackHerring，whowasstillholdinghisheadbetweenhishandsasiftomakesureitwasthere，"ifshethoughtshecouldeverlearntoloveme。Wouldyousaythatcouldbeconstruedintoanofferofmarriage？"
　　TheremainderoftheClubwasunanimouslyofopinionthat，practicallyspeaking，itwasaproposal。
　　"Idon’tseeit，"arguedJackHerring。"Itwasmerelyinthenatureofaremark。"
　　TheClubwasofopinionthatsuchquibblingwasunworthyofagentleman。
　　Itappearedtobeacaseforpromptaction。JackHerringsatdownandthenandtherebeganalettertoMissBulstrode，careofMrs。
　　Postwhistle。
　　"ButwhatIdon’tunderstand——"saidAlexanderthePoet。
　　"Oh！takehimawaysomewhereandtellhim，someone，"moanedJackHerring。"HowcanIthinkwithallthischattergoingon？"
　　"ButwhydidBennett——"whisperedPorson。
　　"WhereisBennett？"demandedhalfadozenfiercevoices。
　　HarryBennetthadnotbeenseenallday。
　　Jack’sletterwasdeliveredto"MissBulstrode"thenextmorningatbreakfast—time。Havingperusedit，MissBulstroderoseandrequestedofMrs。Postwhistletheloanofhalfacrown。
　　"Mr。Herring’sparticularinstructionswere，"explainedMrs。
　　Postwhistle，"that，aboveallthings，Iwasnottolendyouanymoney。"
　　"Whenyouhavereadthat，"repliedMissBulstrode，handinghertheletter，"perhapsyouwillagreewithmethatHerringis——anass。"
　　Mrs。Postwhistlereadtheletterandproducedthehalf—crown。
　　"Bettergetashavewithpartofit，"suggestedMrs。Postwhistle。
　　"Thatis，ifyouaregoingtoplaythefoolmuchlonger。"
　　"MissBulstrode"openedhiseyes。Mrs。Postwhistlewentonwithherbreakfast。
　　"Don’ttellthem，"saidJohnny;"notjustforalittlewhile，atallevents。"
　　"Nothingtodowithme，"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。
　　Twentyminuteslater，therealMissBulstrode，onavisittoherauntinKensington，wassurprisedatreceiving，enclosedinanenvelope，thefollowinghastilyscrawlednote：—
　　"Wanttospeaktoyouatonce——ALONE。Don’tyellwhenyouseeme。
　　It’sallright。Canexplainintwoticks。——Yourlovingbrother，JOHNNY。"
　　Ittooklongerthantwoticks;butatlasttheBabecametoanendofit。
　　"Whenyouhavedonelaughing，"saidtheBabe。
　　"Butyoulooksoridiculous，"saidhissister。
　　"THEYdidn’tthinkso，"retortedtheBabe。"Itooktheminallright。Guessyou’veneverhadasmuchattention，allinoneday。"
　　"Areyousureyoutookthemin？"queriedhissister。
　　"IfyouwillcometotheClubateighto’clockthisevening，"saidtheBabe，"I’llproveittoyou。PerhapsI’lltakeyouontoatheatreafterwards——ifyou’regood。"
　　TheBabehimselfwalkedintotheAutolycusClubafewminutesbeforeeightandencounteredanatmosphereofrestraint。
　　"Thoughtyouwerelost，"remarkedSomervillecoldly。
　　"Calledawaysuddenly——veryimportantbusiness，"explainedtheBabe。"Awfullymuchobligedtoallyoufellowsforallyouhavebeendoingformysister。She’sjustbeentellingme。"
　　"Don’tmentionit，"saidtwoorthree。
　　"Awfullygoodofyou，I’msure，"persistedtheBabe。"Don’tknowwhatshewouldhavedonewithoutyou。"
　　Amerenothing，theClubassuredhim。TheblushingmodestyoftheAutolycusClubathearingoftheirowngooddeedswastouching。
　　Lefttothemselves，theywouldhavetalkedofquiteotherthings。
　　Asamatteroffact，theytriedto。
　　"Neverheardherspeaksoenthusiasticallyofanyoneasshedoesofyou，Jack，"saidtheBabe，turningtoJackHerring。
　　"Ofcourse，youknow，dearboy，"explainedJackHerring，"anythingIcoulddoforasisterofyours——"
　　"Iknow，dearboy，"repliedtheBabe;"Ialwaysfeltit。"
　　"Saynomoreaboutit，"urgedJackHerring。
　　"Shecouldn’tquitemakeoutthatletterofyoursthismorning，"
　　continuedtheBabe，ignoringJack’srequest。"She’safraidyouthinkherungrateful。"
　　"Itseemedtome，onreflection，"explainedJackHerring，"thatononeortwolittlemattersshemayhavemisunderstoodme。AsI
　　wroteher，therearedayswhenIdon’tseemaltogethertoquiteknowwhatI’mdoing。"
　　"Ratherawkward，"thoughttheBabe。
　　"Itis，"agreedJackHerring。"Yesterdaywasoneofthem。"
　　"Shetellsmeyouweremostkindtoher，"theBabereassuredhim。
　　"Shethoughtatfirstitwasalittleuncivil，yourrefusingtolendheranymoney。ButasIputittoher——"
　　"Itwassillyofme，"interruptedJack。"Iseethatnow。Iwentroundthismorningmeaningtomakeitallright。Butshewasgone，andMrs。PostwhistleseemedtothinkIhadbetterleavethingsastheywere。Iblamemyselfexceedingly。"
　　"Mydearboy，don’tblameyourselfforanything。Youactednobly，"
　　theBabetoldhim。"She’scomingheretocallformethiseveningonpurposetothankyou。"
　　"I’drathernot，"saidJackHerring。
　　"Nonsense，"saidtheBabe。
　　"Youmustexcuseme，"insistedJackHerring。"Idon’tmeanitrudely，butreallyI’drathernotseeher。"
　　"Butheresheis，"saidtheBabe，takingatthatmomentthecardfromoldGoslin’shand。"Shewillthinkitsostrange。"
　　"I’dreallyrathernot，"repeatedpoorJack。
　　"Itseemsdiscourteous，"suggestedSomerville。
　　"Yougo，"suggestedJack。
　　"Shedoesn’twanttoseeme，"explainedSomerville。
　　"Yesshedoes，"correctedhimtheBabe。
　　"I’dforgotten，shewantstoseeyouboth。"
　　"IfIgo，"saidJack，"Ishalltellhertheplaintruth。"
　　"Doyouknow，"saidSomerville，"I’mthinkingthatwillbetheshortestway。"
　　MissBulstrodewasseatedinthehall。JackHerringandSomervilleboththoughtherpresentquieterstyleofdresssuitedhermuchbetter。
　　"Hereheis，"announcedtheBabe，intriumph。"Here’sJackHerringandhere’sSomerville。Doyouknow，Icouldhardlypersuadethemtocomeoutandseeyou。DearoldJack，healwayswassoshy。"
　　MissBulstroderose。Shesaidshecouldneverthankthemsufficientlyforalltheirgoodnesstoher。MissBulstrodeseemedquiteovercome。Hervoicetrembledwithemotion。
　　"Beforewegofurther，MissBulstrode，"saidJackHerring，"itwillbebesttotellyouthatallalongwethoughtyouwereyourbrother，dressedupasagirl。"
　　"Oh！"saidtheBabe，"sothat’stheexplanation，isit？IfIhadonlyknown——"ThentheBabestopped，andwishedhehadn’tspoken。
　　Somervilleseizedhimbytheshouldersand，withasuddenjerk，stoodhimbesidehissisterunderthegas—jet。
　　"Youlittlebrute！"saidSomerville。"Itwasyouallalong。"AndtheBabe，seeingthegamewasup，andgladthatthejokehadnotbeenentirelyononeside，confessed。
　　JackHerringandSomervilletheBrieflesswentthatnightwithJohnnyandhissistertothetheatre——andonothernights。MissBulstrodethoughtJackHerringverynice，andtoldherbrotherso。
　　ButshethoughtSomervilletheBrieflessevennicer，andlater，undercross—examination，whenSomervillewasnolongerbriefless，toldSomervillesohimself。
　　Butthathasnothingtodowiththisparticularstory，theendofwhichisthatMissBulstrodekepttheappointmentmadeforMondayafternoonbetween"MissMontgomery"andMr。Jowett，andsecuredtherebytheMarbleSoapadvertisementforthebackpageofGoodHumourforsixmonths，attwenty—fivepoundsaweek。
　　STORYTHESEVENTH：DickDanverspresentshisPetitionWilliamClodd，moppinghisbrow，laiddownthescrewdriver，andsteppingback，regardedtheresultofhislabourswithevidentsatisfaction。
　　"Itlookslikeabookcase，"saidWilliamClodd。"Youmightsitintheroomforhalfanhourandneverknowitwasn’tabookcase。"
　　WhatWilliamCloddhadaccomplishedwasthis：hehadhadprepared，afterhisowndesign，whatappearedtobefourshelvesladenwithworkssuggestiveofthoughtanderudition。Asamatteroffact，itwasnotabookcase，butmerelyaflatboard，thebooksmerelythebacksofvolumesthathadlongsincefoundtheirwayintothepaper—mill。ThisartfuldeceptionWilliamCloddhadscreweduponacottagepianostandinginthecorneroftheeditorialofficeofGoodHumour。Halfadozenrealvolumespileduponthetopofthepianocompletedtheillusion。AsWilliamCloddhadproudlyremarked，acasualvisitormighteasilyhavebeendeceived。
　　"Ifyouhadtositintheroomwhileshewaspractisingmixedscales，you’dbequicklyundeceived，"saidtheeditorofGoodHumour，onePeterHope。Hespokebitterly。
　　"Youarenotalwaysin，"explainedClodd。"Theremustbehourswhensheisherealone，withnothingelsetodo。Besides，youwillgetusedtoitafterawhile。"
　　"You，Inotice，don’ttrytogetusedtoit，"snarledPeterHope。
　　"Youalwaysgooutthemomentshecommences。"
　　"Afriendofmine，"continuedWilliamClodd，"workedinanofficeoverapiano—shopforsevenyears，andwhentheshopclosed，itnearlyruinedhisbusiness;couldn’tsettledowntoworkforwantofit。"
　　"Whydoesn’thecomehere？"askedPeterHope。"Theflooraboveisvacant。"
　　"Can’t，"explainedWilliamClodd。"He’sdead。"
　　"Icanquitebelieveit，"commentedPeterHope。
　　"Itwasashopwherepeoplecameandpractised，payingsixpenceanhour，andhehadgottolikeit——saiditmadeacheerfulbackgroundtohisthoughts。Wonderfulwhatyoucangetaccustomedto。"
　　"What’sthegoodofit？"demandedPeterHope。
　　"What’sthegoodofit！"retortedWilliamCloddindignantly。
　　"Everygirloughttoknowhowtoplaythepiano。Anicethingifwhenherloveraskshertoplaysomethingtohim——"
　　"Iwonderyoudon’tstartamatrimonialagency，"sneeredPeterHope。"Loveandmarriage——youthinkofnothingelse。"
　　"Whenyouarebringingupayounggirl——"arguedClodd。
　　"Butyou’renot，"interruptedPeter;"that’sjustwhatI’mtryingtogetoutofyourhead。ItisIwhoambringingherup。Andbetweenourselves，Iwishyouwouldn’tinterferesomuch。"
　　"Youarenotfittobringupagirl。"
　　"I’vebroughtherupforsevenyearswithoutyourhelp。She’smyadopteddaughter，notyours。Idowishpeoplewouldlearntomindtheirownbusiness。"
　　"You’vedoneverywell——"
　　"Thankyou，"saidPeterHopesarcastically。"It’sverykindofyou。Perhapswhenyou’vetime，you’llwritemeoutatestimonial。"
　　"——uptillnow，"concludedtheimperturbableClodd。"Agirlofeighteenwantstoknowsomethingelsebesidesmathematicsandtheclassics。Youdon’tunderstandthem。"
　　"Idounderstandthem，"assertedPeterHope。"Whatdoyouknowaboutthem？You’renotafather。"
　　"You’vedoneyourbest，"admittedWilliamCloddinatoneofpatronagethatirritatedPetergreatly;"butyou’readreamer;youdon’tknowtheworld。Thetimeiscomingwhenthegirlwillhavetothinkofahusband。"
　　"There’snoneedforhertothinkofahusband，notforyears，"
　　retortedPeterHope。"Andevenwhenshedoes，isstrummingonthepianogoingtohelpher？"
　　"Itink——Itink，"saidDr。Smith，whohadhithertoremainedasilentlistener，"ouryoungfrentCloddisright。Youhafneverquitegotoveryourideadatshewasgoingtobeaboy。Youhaftaughtherdetingsaboyshouldknow。"
　　"Youcutherhair，"addedClodd。
　　"Idon’t，"snappedPeter。
　　"Youletherhaveitcut——it’sthesamething。AteighteensheknowsmoreabouttheancientGreeksandRomansthanshedoesaboutherownfrocks。"
　　"Deyounggirl，"arguedthedoctor，"whatisshe？Deflowerdatmakesbrightforusdegardenoflife，degurglingbrookdatmurmursbydedustyhighway，decheerfulfire——"
　　"Shecan’tbeallofthem，"snappedPeter，whowasasticklerforstyle。"Dokeeptoonesimileatatime。"
　　"Nowyoulistentoplainsense，"saidWilliamClodd。"Youwant——weallwant——thegirltobeasuccessallround。"
　　"Iwanther——"PeterHopewasrummagingamongthelitteronthedesk。Itcertainlywasnotthere。Peterpulledoutadrawer—twodrawers。"Iwish，"saidPeterHope，"Iwishsometimesshewasn’tquitesoclever。"
　　Theolddoctorrummagedamongdustyfilesofpapersinacorner。
　　Cloddfounditonthemantelpiececoncealedbeneaththehollowfootofabigbrasscandlestick，andhandedittoPeter。
　　Peterhadonevice——thetakinginincreasingquantitiesofsnuff，whichwasharmfulforhim，ashehimselfadmitted。Tommy，sympathetictomostmasculinefrailties，wassevere，however，uponthisone。
　　"Youspillituponyourshirtandonyourcoat，"hadarguedTommy。
　　"Iliketoseeyoualwaysneat。Besides，itisn’tanicehabit。I
　　dowish，dad，you’dgiveitup。"
　　"Imust，"Peterhadagreed。"I’llbreakmyselfofit。Butnotallatonce——itwouldbeawrench;bydegrees，Tommy，bydegrees。"
　　Soacompromisehadbeencompounded。Tommywastohidethesnuff—
　　box。Itwastobesomewhereintheroomandtobeaccessible，butthatwasall。Peter，whenself—controlhadreachedthebreaking—
　　point，mighttryandfindit。Occasionally，luckhelpingPeter，hewouldfinditearlyintheday，whenhewouldearnhisownbitterself—reproachesbyindulginginquiteanorgie。ButmoreoftenTommy’sartfulnesswassuchthathewouldbecompelled，bywantoftime，toabandonthesearch。Tommyalwaysknewwhenhehadfailedbytheairofindignantresignationwithwhichhewouldgreetheronherreturn。Thenperhapstowardsevening，Peter，lookingup，wouldseetheboxopenbeforehisnose，aboveit，apairofreprovingblackeyes，theirseveritycounterbalancedbyapairoffullredlipstryingnottosmile。AndPeter，knowingthatonlyonepinchwouldbepermitted，woulddipdeeply。
　　"Iwanther，"saidPeterHope，feelingwithhissnuff—boxinhishandmoreconfidenceinhisownjudgment，"tobeasensible，cleverwoman，capableofearningherownlivingandofbeingindependent;
　　notamerehelplessdoll，cryingforsomemantocomeandtakecareofher。"
　　"Awoman’sbusiness，"assertedClodd，"istobetakencareof。"
　　"Somewomen，perhaps，"admittedPeter;"butTommy，youknowverywell，isnotgoingtobetheordinarytypeofwoman。Shehasbrains;shewillmakeherwayintheworld。"
　　"Itdoesn’tdependuponbrains，"saidClodd。"Shehasn’tgottheelbows。"
　　"Theelbows？"
　　"Theyarenotsharpenough。Thelast’bushomeonawetnighttellsyouwhetherawomaniscapableofpushingherownwayintheworld。Tommy’sthesorttogetleftonthekerb。"
　　"She’sthesort，"retortedPeter，"tomakeanameforherselfandtobeabletoaffordacab。Don’tyoubullyme！"Petersniffedself—assertivenessfrombetweenhisthumbandfinger。
　　"Yes，Ishall，"Cloddtoldhim，"onthisparticularpoint。Thepoorgirl’sgotnomother。"
　　Fortunatelyforthegeneralharmonythedooropenedatthemomenttoadmitthesubjectofdiscussion。
　　"GotthatDaisyBlossomadvertisementoutofoldBlatchley，"
　　announcedTommy，wavingtriumphantlyapieceofpaperoverherhead。
　　"No！"exclaimedPeter。"Howdidyoumanageit？"
　　"Askedhimforit，"wasTommy’sexplanation。
　　"Veryodd，"musedPeter;"askedtheoldidiotforitmyselfonlylastweek。Herefuseditpoint—blank。"
　　Cloddsnortedreproof。"YouknowIdon’tlikeyourdoingthatsortofthing。Itisn’tproperforayounggirl——"
　　"It’sallright，"assuredhimTommy;"he’sbald！"
　　"Thatmakesnodifference，"wasClodd’sopinion。
　　"Yesitdoes，"wasTommy’s。"Ilikethembald。"
　　TommytookPeter’sheadbetweenherhandsandkissedit，andindoingsonoticedthetell—talespecksofsnuff。
　　"Justapinch，mydear，"explainedPeter，"themerestpinch。"
　　Tommytookupthesnuff—boxfromthedesk。"I’llshowyouwhereI’mgoingtoputitthistime。"Sheputitinherpocket。Peter’sfacefell。
　　"Whatdoyouthinkofit？"saidClodd。Heledhertothecorner。
　　"Goodidea，ain’tit？"
　　"Why，where’sthepiano？"demandedTommy。
　　Cloddturnedindelightedtriumphtotheothers。
　　"Humbug！"growledPeter。
　　"Itisn’thumbug，"criedCloddindignantly。"Shethoughtitwasabookcase——anybodywould。You’llbeabletositthereandpractisebythehour，"explainedCloddtoTommy。"Whenyouhearanybodycomingupthestairs，youcanleaveoff。"
　　"Howcanshehearanythingwhenshe——"AbrightideaoccurredtoPeter。"Don’tyouthink，Clodd，asapracticalman，"suggestedPeterinsinuatingly，adoptingtheSocraticmethod，"thatifwegotheroneofthosedummypianos——youknowwhatImean;it’sjustlikeanordinarypiano，onlyyoudon’thearit？"
　　Cloddshookhishead。"Nogoodatall。Can’ttelltheeffectsheisproducing。"
　　"Quiteso。Then，ontheotherhand，Clodd，don’tyouthinkthathearingtheeffecttheyareproducingmaysometimesdiscouragethebeginner？"
　　Clodd’sopinionwasthatsuchdiscouragementwasathingtobebattledwith。
　　Tommy，whohadseatedherself，commencedascaleincontrarymotion。
　　"Well，I’mgoingacrosstotheprinter’snow，"explainedClodd，takinguphishat。"GotanappointmentwithyoungGrindleyatthree。Yousticktoit。Asparehalf—hournowandthenthatyounevermissdoeswonders。You’vegotitinyou。"WiththeseencouragingremarkstoTommy，Clodddisappeared。