Sheherselfweptinpityatourfate,andIcouldonlygivehertwoducatsforthedangershehadrun;butIbadeherhopemoreinfuture;andIafterwardssentforhertoVienna,in1751,whereI
tookgreatcareofher。Shewasaboutfiftyyearsofage,anddiedmyservantinHungary,someweeksbeforemyunfortunatejourneytoDantzic,whereIfellintomyenemies’hands,andremainedtenyearsaprisoneratMagdeburg。
Wehadscarcelyreachedthewood,before,intheanguishofmyheart,IexclaimedtoSchell,"Doesnotsuchasister,myfriend,deserveIshouldfireherhouseoverherhead?"Thewisdomofmoderation,andcalmforbearance,wasinSchellavirtueofthehighestorder;hewasmycontinualmentor;myguide,whenevermycholerictemperamentwasdisposedtoviolence。Ithereforehonourhisashes;hedeservedabetterfate。
"Friend,"saidhe,onthisoccasion,"reflectthatyoursistermaybeinnocent,maybewithheldbyherhusband;besides,shouldtheKingdiscoverwehadenteredherdoors,andshehadnotdeliveredusagainintohispower,shemightbecomeasmiserableaswewere。Bemorenobleminded,andthinkthatevenshouldyoursisterbewrong,thetimemaycomewhenherchildrenmaystandinneedofyourassistance,andyoumayhavetheindescribablepleasureofreturninggoodforevil。"
Inevershallforgetthisexcellentadvice,whichinrealitywasaprophecy。Myrichbrother—in—lawdied,and,duringtheRussianwar,hislandsandhouseswerelaiddesolateandinruins;and,nineteenyearsafterwards,whenreleasedfrommyimprisonmentatMagdeburg,I
hadanopportunityofservingthechildrenofmysister。Sucharetheturnsoffate;andthusdoimprobabilitiesbecomefacts。
Mysisterjustifiedherconduct;Schellhadconjecturedthetruth;
fortenyearsafterIwasthusexpelledherhouse,sheshowed,duringmyimprisonment,shewasreallyasister。ShewasshamefullybetrayedbyWeingarten,secretarytotheAustrianambassadoratBerlin;lostapartofherproperty,andatlengthherlifefellaninnocentsacrificetoherbrother。
Thisevent,whichisinterwovenwithmytragicalhistory,willberelatedhereafter:myheartbleeds,myverysoulshudders,whenI
recollectthisdreadfulscene。
Ihavenotthemeansfullytorecompenseherchildren;andWeingarten,thejustobjectofvengeance,islongsinceinthegrave;fordidheexist,theearthshouldnothidehimfrommysword。
Ishallnowcontinuemyjournal:deceivedintheaidIexpected,I
wasobligedtochangemyplan,andgotomymother,wholivedinPrussia,ninemilesbeyondKonigsberg。
Feb。28。——Wecontinued,tired,anxious,anddistressed,atLettel。
March1。——WewentthreemilestoPleese,andonthe2nd,amileandahalffarthertoMeseritz。
March3。——ThroughWersebaumtoBirnbaum,threemiles。
March4。——ThroughZircke,Wruneck,Obestchow,toStubnitz,sevenmiles,inoneday,threeofwhichwehadthegoodfortunetoride。
March5。——ThreemilestoRogosen,wherewearrivedwithoutsomuchasahellertopayourlodgings。TheJewinnkeeperdroveusoutofhishouse;wewereobligedtowanderallnight,andatbreakofdayfoundwehadstrayedtwomilesoutoftheroad。
Weenteredapeasant’scottage,whereanoldwomanwasdrawingbreadhotoutoftheoven。Wehadnomoneytooffer,andIfelt,atthismoment,thepossibilityevenofcommittingmurder,foramorselofbread,tosatisfytheintolerablecravingsofhunger。Shuddering,withtormentinexpressible,atthethought,Ihastenedoutofthedoor,andwewalkedontwomilesmoretoWongrofze。
HereIsoldmymusketforaducat,whichhadprocuredusmanyameal:suchwastheextremityofourdistress。Wethensatiatedourappetites,afterhavingbeenfortyhourswithoutfoodorsleep,andhavingtravelledtenmilesinsleetandsnow。
March6。——Werested,andcame,onthe7th,throughGenin,toavillageintheforest,fourmiles。
Herewefellinwithagangofgipsies(orratherbanditti)
amountingtofourhundredmen,whodraggedmetotheircamp。TheyweremostlyFrenchandPrussiandeserters,andthinkingmetheirequal,wouldforcemetobecomeoneoftheirhand。But,venturingtotellmystorytotheirleader,hepresentedmewithacrown,gaveusasmallprovisionofbreadandmeat,andsufferedustodepartinpeace,afterhavingbeenfourandtwentyhoursintheircompany。
March9。——WeproceededtoLapuschin,threemilesandahalf;andthe10thtoThorn,fourmiles。
Anewincidentherehappened,whichshowedIwasdestined,byfortune,toavarietyofadventures,andcontinuallytostrugglewithnewdifficulties。
TherewasafairheldatThornonthedayofourarrival。
Suspicionsmightwellarise,amongthecrowd,onseeingastrongtallyoungman,wretchedlyclothed,withalargesabrebyhisside,andapairofpistolsinhisgirdle,accompaniedbyanotheraspoorlyapparelledashimself,withhishandandneckboundup,andarmedlikewisewithpistols,sothataltogetherhemoreresembledaspectrethanaman。
Wewenttoaninn,butwererefusedentertainment:IthenaskedfortheJesuits’college,whereIinquiredforthefatherrector。TheysupposedatfirstIwasathief,cometoseekanasylum。Afterlongwaitingandmuchentreatyhisjesuiticalhighnessatlengthmadehisappearance,andreceivedmeastheGrandMogulwouldhisslave。Mycasecertainlywaspitiable:Irelatedalltheeventsofmylife,andthepurportofmyjourney;conjuredhimtosaveSchell,whowasunabletoproceedfurther,andwhosewoundsgrewdailyworse;andprayedhimtoentertainhimattheconventtillIshouldhavebeentomymother,haveobtainedmoney,andreturnedtoThorn,whenI
wouldcertainlyrepayhimwhateverexpensehemighthavebeenat,withthanksandgratitude。
NevershallIforgetthehaughtyinsolenceofthispriest。Scarcelywouldhelistentomyhumblerequest;thou’dandinterruptedmecontinually,totellme,"Bebrief,Ihavemorepressingaffairsthanthine。"Infine,Iwasturnedawaywithoutobtainingtheleastaid;andhereIwasfirsttaughtjesuiticalpride;GodhelpthepoorandhonestmanwhoshallneedtheassistanceofJesuits!They,likeallothermonks,aresearedtoeverysentimentofhumanpity,andcommiseratethedistressedbytauntsandirony。
FourtimesinmylifeIhavesoughtassistanceandadvicefromconvents,andamconvinceditisthedutyofeveryhonestmantoaidinerasingthemfromthefaceoftheearth。
Theysuccourrascalsandmurderers,thattheirpowermaybeidolisedbytheignorant,andostentatiouslyexertitselftoimpedethecourseoflawandjustice;butinvaindothepoorandneedyvirtuousapplytothemforhelp。
Thereaderwillpardonmynativehatredofhypocrisyandfalsehood,especiallywhenhehearsIhavetothanktheJesuitsforthelossofallmygreatHungarianestates。FatherKampmuller,thebosomfriendoftheCountGrashalkowitz,wasconfessortothecourtofVienna,andtherewasnopossiblekindofpersecutionIdidnotsufferfrompriestcraft。Farfrombeingusefulmembersofsociety,theytakeadvantageoftheprejudicesofsuperstition,existforthemselvesalone,andsacrificeeverydutytothesupportoftheirownhierarchy,andfoundapower,onerrorandignorance,whichisdestructiveofallmoralvirtue。
Letusproceed。Mournfulandangry,Ileftthecollege,andwenttomylodging—house,whereIfoundaPrussianrecruiting—officerwaitingforme,whousedallhisartstoengagemetoenlist;
offeringmefivehundreddollars,andtomakemeacorporal,ifI
couldwrite。IpretendedIwasaLivonian,whohaddesertedfromtheAustrians,toreturnhome,andclaimaninheritanceleftmebymyfather。Aftermuchpersuasion,heatlengthtoldmeinconfidence,itwasverywellknowninthetownthatIwasarobber;
thatIshouldsoonbetakenbeforeamagistrate,butthatifIwouldenlisthewouldensuremysafety。
Thislanguagewasnewtome;mypassionroseinstantaneously;I
rememberedmynamewasTrenck,Istruckhim,anddrewmysword;but,insteadofdefendinghimself,hesprangoutofthechamber,chargingthehostnottoletmequitthehouse。IknewthetownofThornhadagreedwiththeKingofPrussia,secretly,todeliverupdeserters,andbegantofeartheconsequences。Lookingthroughthewindow,I
presentlysawtwounderPrussianofficersenterthehouse。SchellandIinstantlyflewtoourarms,andmetthePrussiansatthechamberdoor。"Makeway,"criedI,presentingmypistols。ThePrussiansoldiersdrewtheirswords,butretiredwithfear。Goingoutofthehouse,IsawaPrussianlieutenant,inthestreet,withthetown—guard。TheseIoverawed,likewise,bythesamemeans,andnoonedurstopposeme,thougheveryonecried,"Stopthief!"I
camesafely,however,totheJesuits’convent;butpoorSchellwastaken,anddraggedtoprisonlikeamalefactor。
Halfmadatnotbeingabletorescuehim,IimaginedhemustsoonbedelivereduptothePrussians。Myreceptionwasmuchbetterattheconventthanithadbeenbefore,fortheynolongerdoubtedbutI
wasreallyathief,whosoughtanasylum。Iaddressedmyselftooneofthefathers,whoappearedtobeagoodkindofaman,relatingbrieflywhathadhappened,andentreatedhewouldendeavourtodiscoverwhytheysoughttomolestus。
Hewentout,andreturninginanhourafter,toldme,"Nobodyknowsyou:aconsiderabletheftwasyesterdaycommittedatthefair:allsuspiciouspersonsareseized;youenteredthetownaccoutredlikebanditti。ThemanwhereyouputupisemployedasaPrussianenlister,andhasannouncedyouassuspiciouspeople。ThePrussianlieutenantthereforelaidcomplaintagainstyou,anditwasthoughtnecessarytosecureyourpersons。"
Myjoy,athearingthis,wasgreat。OurMoravianpassport,andthejournalofourroute,whichIhadinmypocket,werefullproofsofourinnocence。Irequestedtheywouldsendandinquireatthetownwherewelaythenightbefore。IsoonconvincedtheJesuitIspoketruth;hewent,andpresentlyreturnedwithoneofthesyndics,towhomIgaveamorefullaccountofmyself。ThesyndicexaminedSchell,andfoundhisstoryandmineagreed;besideswhich,ourpapersthattheyhadseized,declaredwhowewere。Ipassedthenightintheconventwithoutclosingmyeyes,revolvinginmymindalltherigoursofmyfate。IwasstillmoredisturbedforSchell,whoknewnotwhereIwas,butremainedfirmlypersuadedweshouldbeconductedtoBerlin;and,ifso,determinedtoputaperiodtohislife。
MydoubtswereallendedatteninthemorningwhenmygoodJesuitarrived,andwasfollowedbymyfriendSchell。Thejudges,hesaid,hadfoundusinnocent,anddeclaredusfreetogowherewepleased;
adding,however,thatheadvisedustobeuponourguard,webeingwatchedbythePrussianenlisters;thatthelieutenanthadhoped,byhavinguscommittedasthieves,toobligemetoenter,andthathewouldaccountforallthathadhappened。
IgaveSchellamostaffectionatewelcome,whohadbeenveryill—
usedwhenledtoprison,becauseheendeavouredtodefendhimselfwithhislefthand,andfollowme。Thepeoplehadthrownmudathim,andcalledhimarascalthatwouldsoonbehanged。Schellwaslittleabletotravelfarther。Thefather—rectorsentusaducat,butdidnotseeus;andthechiefmagistrategaveeachofusacrown,bywayofindemnificationforfalseimprisonment。Thussentaway,wereturnedtoourlodging,tookourbundles,andimmediatelypreparedtoleaveThorn。
Aswewent,Ireflectedthat,ontheroadtoElbing,wemustpassthroughseveralPrussianvillages,andinquiredforashopwherewemightpurchaseamap。Weweredirectedtoanoldwomanwhosatatthedooracrosstheway,andweretoldshehadagoodassortment,forthathersonwasascholar。Iaddressedmyselftoher,andmyquestionpleasedher,Ihavingaddedwewereunfortunatetravellers,whowishedtofind,bythemap,theroadtoRussia。Sheshowedusintoachamber,laidanatlasonthetable,andplacedherselfoppositeme,whileIexaminedthemap,andendeavouredtohideabitofaraggedrufflethathadmadeitsappearance。Aftersteadfastlylookingatme,sheatlengthexclaimed,withasadandmournfultone——"GoodGod!whoknowswhatisnowbecomeofmypoorson!Icansee,sir,youtooareofagoodfamily。Mysonwouldgoandseekhisfortune,andfortheseeightyearshaveIhadnotidingsofhim。
HemustnowbeintheAustriancavalry。"Iaskedinwhatregiment。
"TheregimentofHohenhem;youarehisverypicture。""Ishenotofmyheight?""Yes,nearly。""Hashenotlighthair?""Yes,likeyours,sir。""Whatishisname?""HisnameisWilliam。""No,mydearmother,"criedI,"Williamisnotdead;hewasmybestfriendwhenIwaswiththeregiment。"Herethepoorwomancouldnotcontainherjoy。Shethrewherselfroundmyneck,calledmehergoodangelwhobroughtherhappytidings:askedmeathousandquestionswhichIeasilycontrivedtomakeheranswerherself,andthus,forcedbyimperiousnecessity,bereftofallothermeans,didIactthedeceiver。
ThestoryImadewasnearlyasfollows:——ItoldherIwasasoldierintheregimentofHohenhem,thatIhadafurloughtogoandseemyfather,andthatIshouldreturninamonth,wouldthentakeherletters,andundertakethat,ifshewishedit,hersonshouldpurchasehisdischarge,andoncemorecomeandlivewithhismother。
IaddedthatIshouldbeforeverandinfinitelyobligedtoher,ifshewouldsuffermycomrade,meantime,toliveatherhouse,hebeingwoundedbythePrussianrecruiters,andunabletopursuehisjourney;thatIwouldsendhimmoneytocometome,orwouldmyselfcomebackandfetchhim,thankfullypayingeveryexpense。Shejoyfullyconsented,toldmehersecondhusband,father—in—lawtoherdearWilliam,haddrivenhimfromhome,thathemightgivewhatsubstancetheyhadtotheyoungerson;andthattheeldesthadgonetoMagdeburg。ShedeterminedSchellshouldliveatthehouseofafriend,thatherhusbandmightknownothingofthematter;and,notsatisfiedwiththiskindness,shemademeeatwithher,gavemeanewshirt,stockings,sufficientprovisionsforthreedays,andsixLunenburgflorins。IleftThorn,andmyfaithfulSchell,thesamenight,withtheconsolationthathewaswelltakencareof;andhavingpartedfromhimwithregret,wentonthe13thtwomilesfurthertoBurglow。
Icannotdescribewhatmysensationswere,orthedespondenceofmymind,whenIthussawmyselfwanderingalone,andleaving,forsaking,asitwere,thedearestoffriends。Thesemaycertainlybenumberedamongthebitterestmomentsofmylife。OftenwasI
readytoreturn,anddraghimalongwithme,thoughatlastreasonconqueredsensibility。Idrewneartheendofmyjourney,andwasimpelledforwardbyhope。
March14。——IwenttoSchwetz,andMarch15。——ToNeuburgandMowe。InthesetwodaysItravelledthirteenmiles。IlayatMowe,onsomestraw,amonganumberofcarters,and,whenIawoke,perceivedtheyhadtakenmypistols,andwhatlittlemoneyIhadleft,eventomylastpenny。Thegentlemen,however,wereallgone。
WhatcouldIdo?Theinnkeeperperhapswasprivytothetheft。MyreckoningamountedtoeighteenPolishgrosch。ThesurlylandlordpretendedtobelieveIhadnomoneywhenIenteredhishouse,andI
wasobligedtogivehimtheonlyspareshirtIhad,withasilkhandkerchief,whichthegoodwomanofThornhadmademeapresentof,andtodepartwithoutasingleholler。
March16。——IsetoffforMarienburg,butitwasimpossibleIshouldreachthisplace,andnotfallintothehandsofthePrussians,ifI
didnotcrosstheVistula,and,unfortunately,Ihadnomoneytopaytheferry,whichwouldcosttwoPolishschellings。
Fullofanxiety,notknowinghowtoact,Isawtwofishermeninaboat,wenttothem,drewmysabre,andobligedthemtolandmeontheotherside;whenthere,Itooktheoarsfromthesetimidpeople,jumpedoutoftheboat,pusheditofftheshore,andleftittodrivewiththestream。
Towhatdangersdoesnotpovertyexposeman!ThesetwoPolishschellingswerenotworthmorethanhalfakreutzer,orsomehalfpenny,yetwasIdrivenbynecessitytocommitviolenceontwopoormen,who,hadtheybeenasdesperateintheirdefenceasIwasobligedtobeinmyattack,bloodmusthavebeenspilledandliveslost;henceitisevidentthatthedegreesofguiltoughttobestrictlyandminutelyinquiredinto,andthedegreeofpunishmentproportioned。HadIhewnthemdownwithmysabre,Ishouldsurelyhavebeenamurderer;butIshouldlikewisesurelyhavebeenoneofthemostinnocentofmurderers。Thusweseethevalueofmoneyisnottobeestimatedbyanyspecificsum,smallorgreat,butaccordingtoitsnecessityanduse。HowlittledidIimaginewhenatBerlin,andmoneywastreatedbymewithluxuriousneglect,Imaysay,withcontempt,Ishouldbedriventothehardnecessity,forasumsoapparentlydespicable,ofcommittingaviolencewhichmighthavehadconsequencessodreadful,andhaveledtothecommissionofanactsoatrocious!
IfoundSaxonandPrussianrecruitersatMarion—burgh,withwhom,havingnomoney,Iate,drank,listenedtotheirproposals,gavethemhopesforthemorrow,anddepartedbydaybreak。
March17。——ToElbing,fourmiles。
HereImetwithmyformerworthytutor,Brodowsky,whowasbecomeacaptainandauditorinthePolishregimentofGolz。HemetmejustasIenteredthetown。Ifollowedtriumphantlytohisquarters;andhereatlengthendedthepainful,long,andadventurousjourneyI
hadbeenobligedtoperform。
Thisgoodandkindgentleman,afterprovidingmewithimmediatenecessaries,wrotesoaffectionatelytomymother,thatshecametoElbinginaweek,andgavemeeveryaidofwhichIstoodinneed。
ThepleasureIhadinmeetingoncemorethistendermother,whosequalitiesofheartandmindwereequallyexcellent,wasinexpressible。ShefoundacertainmodeofconveyingalettertomydearmistressatBerlin,whoashorttimeaftersentmeabillofexchangeforfourhundredducatsuponDantzic。Tothismymotheraddedathousandrix—dollars,andadiamondcrossworthnearlyhalfasmuch,remainedafortnightwithme,andpersisted,inspiteofallremonstrance,inadvisingmetogotoVienna。MydeterminationhadbeenfixedforPetersburg;allmyfearsandapprehensionsbeingawakenedatthethoughtofVienna,andwhichindeedafterwardsbecamethesourceofallmycruelsufferingsandsorrows。Shewouldnotyieldinopinion,andpromisedherfutureassistanceonlyincaseofmyobedience;itwasmydutynottocontinueobstinate。
Heresheleftme,andIhaveneverseenhersince。Shediedin1751,andIhaveeverheldhermemoryinveneration。Itwasahappinessforthisaffectionatemotherthatshedidnothivetobeawitnessofmyafflictionsintheyear1754。
Anadventure,resemblingthatofJosephinEgypt,happenedtomeinElbing。ThewifeoftheworthyBrodowsky,awomanofinfinitepersonalattraction,grewpartialtome;butIdurstnotactungratefullybymybenefactor。Nevertoseememorewastoopainfultoher,andsheevenproposedtofollowme,secretly,toVienna。I
feltthedangerofmysituation,anddoubtedwhetherPotiphar’swifeofferedtemptationssostrongasMadameBrodowsky。IownedIhadanaffectionforthislady,butmypassionswereoverawed。Shepreferredmetoherhusband,whowasinyears,andveryordinaryinperson。HadIyieldedtotheslightestdegreeofguilt,thatofthepresentenjoyment,afewdaysofpleasuremusthavebeenfollowedbyyearsofbitterrepentance。
Havingoncemoreassumedmypropernameandcharacter,andmadepresentsofacknowledgmenttotheworthytutorofmyyouth,IbecameeagertoreturntoThorn。
HowgreatwasmyjoyatagainmeetingmyhonestSchell!Thekindoldwomanhadtreatedhimlikeamother。Shewassurprised,andhalfterrified,atseeingmeenterinanofficer’suniform,andaccompaniedbytwoservants。Igratefullyandrapturouslykissedherhand,repaid,withthankfulness,everyexpense(forSchellhadbeennurturedwithtrulymaternalkindness),toldherwhoIwas,acknowledgedthedeceitIhadputuponherconcerningherson,butfaithfullypromisedtogiveatrue,andnotfictitiousaccountofhim,immediatelyonmyarrivalatVienna。Schellwasreadyinthreedays,andweleftThorn,cametoWarsaw,andpassedthence,throughCrakow,toVienna。
IinquiredforCaptainCapi,atBilitz,whohadbeforegivenmesokindareception,andrefusedmesatisfaction;buthewasgone,andIdidnotmeetwithhimtillsomeyearsafter,whenthecunningItalianmademethemosthumbleapologiesforhisconduct。Sogoestheworld。
MyjourneyfromDantzictoViennawouldnotfurnishmewithaninterestingpage,thoughmytravelsonfootthitherwouldhaveaffordedthriceasmuchasIhavewritten,hadInotbeenfearfuloftriflingwiththereader’spatience。
Inpovertyonemisfortunefollowsanother。Thefoot—passengerseestheworld,becomesacquaintedwithit,converseswithmenofeveryclass。Thelordluxuriouslylollsandslumbersinhiscarriage,whilehisservantspayinnkeepersandpostillions,andpassesrapidlyoverakingdom,inwhichheseessomedozenhouses,calledinns;andthishecallstravelling。Imetwithmoreadventuresinthismyjourneyof169miles,thanafterwardsinalmostasmanythousand,whentravellingatease,inacarriage。
Here,then,endsmyjournal,inwhich,fromthehardshipsthereinrelated,andnumerousothersomitted,IseemakindofsecondRobinsonCrusoe,andtohavebeenprepared,byagradualincreaseandrepetitionofsufferings,toenduretheloadofafflictionwhichIwasafterwardsdestinedtobear。
ArrivedatViennainthemonthofApril,1747。
Andnowanotheractofthetragedyisgoingtobegin。