TheProphetlowedhishead,andmetaphorically,threwupthesponge。
  "LadyJulia,"saidMrs。Merillia,inasoftvoicethatslightlytrembled,"letusgoupstairs。"
  Thetwooldladiesbowedwithtearfuldignity,andretiredwithasortofgentlemajestythatcuttheProphettotheheart。
  "Onemoment,ifyouplease!"hesaidtohisguests。
  Andhedartedoutoftheroomandleapedupthestairs。HefoundMrs。
  MerilliaandLadyJuliajustabouttodisposethemselvessidebysideuponasofanearthefire。Theyturnedandlookedathimwithreproachfuldoves’eyes。
  "Grannie——LadyJulia!"heexclaimed,"Iimploreyourforgiveness。
  Pardonme!Appearancesareagainstme,Iknow。ButsomedayyoumayunderstandhowIamplaced。Mypositionis——my——mysituation——I——you——
  donotwhollycondemnme!Wait——waitafewdays,Iimploreyou!"
  Herushedoutoftheroom。
  Thetwooldladiesseatedthemselvesuponthesofa,andtremblinglyspreadabroadtheirdamaskskirts。Theylookedateachotherinsilence,shakingtheirelegantheads。ThenMrs。Merilliasaid,inaflutteringvoice,——
  "Oh,Julia,youwerealadyinwaitingtoHerMajesty,youwerekissedbythegreatDuke——tellme——tellmewhatitallmeans!"
  "Victoria,"repliedLadyJulia,"itmeansthatyourgrandsonhasfallenintotheclutchesofadangerousanddeterminedratcatcher。"
  Andthenthetwooldladiesmingledtheirdamaskskirtsandtheirlacecapsandwept。
  CHAPTERXVIII
  THESILLYLIFE
  "CallacabforSirTiglath,Mr。Ferdinand,"whisperedtheProphet——"afour—wheelerwithalamehorse。I’lltakebothMr。andMadameSagittariusinthebrougham。"
  "Mustthehorsebelame,sir?"
  "Yes。Iabsolutelydeclinetoencouragethepracticeofusinggoodhorsesinfour—wheeledcabs。It’sadisgracetothepooranimals。Itmustbeaverylamehorse。"
  "Yes,sir。"
  AndMr。Ferdinand,standinguponthedoorstep,whistledtothenight。
  Strangetosay,inabouttwominutesthereappearedroundthecornertheverysamecabmanwhohadconveyedtheProphetandLadyEnidtotheastronomer’sonthepreviousday,drivingtheverysamehorse。
  "Thishorsewilldoadmirably,"saidtheProphettoMr。Ferdinand。
  "Heisn’tlame,sir。"
  "P’r’apsnot;butheknowshowtotumbledown。SirTiglath,hereisacabforyou。Weshallgointhebrougham。ZoologicalHouse,Regent’sPark,isthedirection。Letmehelpyouin,Madame。"
  AstheProphetgotintositbodkinbetweenhisoldandvaluedfriends,hewhisperedtothefootman,——
  "TellSimkinstodriveasfastaspossible。Weareverylate。"
  Thefootmantouchedhishat。Justasthecarriagemovedoff,theProphetprotrudedhisheadfromthewindow,andsawtheastronomerrollingintothefour—wheeler,thehorseofwhichimmediatelyfelldowninamostsatisfactorymanner。
  Therewasnogeneralconversationinthebrougham,buttheProphet,whowasobligedtositpartlyonMadame,andpartlyonMr。Sagittariusandpartlyonair,occasionallyheardinthedarknessathisbackterriblematrimonialwhisperings,whoseexacttenorhewasunabletocatch。OnceonlyheheardMadamesaysibilantlyandwithaviciousclick,——
  "ImighthaveknownwhattoexpectwhenImarriedaProphet——whenI
  passedoverthe/ponsasinoribus/togivemyselftoa/monstramhorrendo/。"
  Tothispatheticheart—cryMr。Sagittariusmadeaveryprolongedanswer。TheProphetknewitwasprolongedbecauseMr。Sagittariusalwayswhisperedinsuchamannerastoticklethenapeofhisneck。
  Buthecouldnothearanythingexceptasoundlikesteamescapingfromasmallpipe。Thesteamwentonescapinguntilthebroughampassedthroughagate,rolleddownadeclivity,anddrewupbeforeanenormousmansionwhosewindowsblazedwithlight。
  "IsthistheZoologicalGardens?"inquiredMadameinasternvoice。"IsthisthehabitationofthewomanBridgeman?"
  "IsupposethisisZoologicalHouse,"repliedtheProphet,slidingdecorouslyoffMadame’sleftkneeinpreparationfordescent。
  "Mydarling!mylove!"saidMr。Sagittarius。"IswearupontheinfantheadofourCapricornusthatMrs。BridgemanandIare——"
  "Enough!"criedMadame。"/Jamsatus/!BesurethatIwillinquireintothismatter。"
  Thecarriagedoorwasopenedand,withsomestruggling,theProphetandhistwovaluedfriendsemergedandspeedilyfoundthemselvesinaverylargehall,whichwasnearlyfullofverylargepowderedfootmen。Inthedistancetherewasthesoundofunitedfrivolities,abandoftwentyguitarsthrummingawilful/seguidilla/。Rosesbloomedoneveryside,andbeyondthehalltheybeheldavisionofilluminatedvistas,downwhichvaguefigurescameandwent。
  EvidentlywhenMrs。Bridgemanletherselfgosheletherselfgothoroughly。
  Mr。Sagittariusgazedabouthimwithawe—struckamazement,butMadamewasequaltotheoccasion。Shecasttherabbit—skinsimperiallytoaneighbouringflunkey,arrangedherhairandfichubeforeaglass,kickedoutherskirtwiththeheelofoneofthekidboots,nippedthegreenchiffonintoprominencewithdecisivefingers,andthen,turningtotheProphetwithallthemajestyofasuburbanempress,saidinapowerfulvoice,——
  "Stepforward,Ibeg。/J’aipret/。"
  TheProphet,thusencouraged,steppedforwardtowardsanaperturethatonordinarydayscontainedadoor,butthatnowcontainedastoutelderlylady,withhenna—dyedhair,apowderedface,blackeyebrowsandayellowgown,onwhichrestedalargenumberofjewelledornamentsthatlookedlikesmallbombs。Atthislady’selbowstoodafootmanwithanexceedinglypowerfulbassvoice,whoshoutedthenamesofapproachingguestsinamannersouncompromisingastobeterrific。
  Eachtimehesoshoutedthestoutladyfirststartedandthensmiled,thetwooperationssucceedingoneanotherwithalmostinconceivablerapidityandviolence。
  "Whatname,sir?"askedthefootmanoftheProphet,bendinghispowderedheadtillitwasonlyaboutsixfeettwoinchesfromthefloor。
  "Mr。HennesseyVivian,"repliedtheProphet,hesitatingastowhatheshouldadd。
  "Mr。HemmerspeedVivian!"roaredthefootman。"Whatname,Madame?"(toMadameSagittarius)。
  "Mr。andMadameSagittariusofSagittariusLodge,theMouse!"repliedtheladymajestically。
  "Mr。——andMadame——Segerteribus——of——Segerteribus——Lodge,theMouse!"
  bawledthefootman。
  Thestoutlady,whowasMrs。VaneBridgeman,startedandsmiled。
  "Delightedtoseeyou,Mr。Segerteribus!"shesaidtotheProphet。
  TheProphethastenedtoexplainthroughtheuproaroftwentyguitars。
  "Mr。Vivianismyname。IthinkMissMinervaPartridge——"
  Mrs。Bridgemanstartedandsmiled。
  "Ofcourse,"sheexclaimed。"Ofcourse。YouaretobekindenoughtointroducemesomedaytoMr。Sagi——Sagi——somethingorother,andIamtointroducehimtoSirTiglathButt,whenSirTiglathButthasbeenintroducedtomebydearMissPartridge。Itisalltoworkoutbeautifully。Yes,yes!Charming!charming!"
  "IhaveventuredtobringMr。andMadameSagittariuswithmeto—night,"
  saidtheProphet。
  Mrs。Bridgemanstartedandsmiled。
  "Theyaremyoldandvaluedfriends,and——andheretheyare。"
  "Delighted!delighted!"saidMrs。Bridgeman,speakinginaconfusedmannerthroughtheguitars。"Howd’youdo,Mr。Sagittarius?"
  Andsheshookhandswarmlywithaverysmallandsaturnineclergymandecoratedwithashockofebonhair,whowaspassingatthemoment。
  "Biggle!"saidthelittleclergyman。
  Mrs。Bridgemanstartedandsmiled。
  "Biggle!"repeatedthelittleclergyman。"Biggle!"
  Theguitarsroseupwithviolence,andallthehot,drubbingpassionofBayswaterbeingSpanish。
  "Yes,indeed,Isoagreewithyou,dearMr。Sagittarius,"saidMrs。
  Bridgemantothelittleclergyman。
  "Biggle!"thelittleclergymancriedinaportentousvoice。"Biggle!
  Biggle!"
  "Whatdoeshemean?"whisperedMrs。BridgemantotheProphet。"Howdoesone?"
  "Ithinkthatishisname。TheseareMr。andMadameSagittarius。"
  Mrs。Bridgemanstartedandsmiled。
  "Biggle——ofcourse,"shesaidtothelittleclergyman,whopassedonwithanairofreliantself—satisfaction。"Delightedtoseeyou,"sheadded,thistimeaddressingtheProphet’soldandvaluedfriends。"Ah!
  Mr。Sagi——Sagi——um——IhaveheardsomuchofyoufromdearMissMinerva。"
  Thewild,highnotesofaflute,playedbyasillygentlemanfromTooting,shrilledthroughthetuppingoftheguitars,andMr。
  Sagittarius,tremblingineverylimb,hissedinMrs。Bridgeman’sear,——
  "Hush,ma’am,formercy’ssake!"
  Mrs。Bridgemanstartedandforgottosmile。
  "Mylovedandhonouredwife,"continuedMr。Sagittarius,inaloudandanxiousvoice,"moretomethananylunarguideorstarrymonitor!
  MadameSagittarius,aladyofdeepeducation,ma’am。"
  "Delighted!"saidMrs。Bridgeman,makingagraciousgrimaceatMadame,whoinclinedherselfstonilyandrepliedinasinistervoice,——
  "Itisindeedtimethatthisrencontertookplace。Henceforth,ma’am,I
  shallbeeveratmyhusband’sside,/perfusetnefus/——/etnefus/,ma’am。"
  "Soglad,"saidMrs。Bridgeman。"Ihavebeenlongingforthis——"
  "Mr。BernardWilkins!"roaredthetallfootman。
  Mr。SagittariusstartedandMrs。Bridgemandidthesameandsmiled。
  "BernardWilkinstheProphet!"Mr。Sagittariusexclaimed。"FromtheRise!"
  "Mrs。ElizaDoubleway!"shoutedthefootman。
  "Mrs。Eliza!"criedMr。Sagittarius,ingreatexcitement。"That’sthesoothsayerfromtheBeck!"
  "MadameCharlotteHumm!"yelledthefootman。
  "MadameHumm!"vociferatedMr。Sagittarius,"thecrystal—gazerfromtheHill!"
  "ProfessorElijahChapman!"bawledthefootman。
  "Thenose—reader!"pipedMr。Sagittarius。"Thenose—readerfromtheButts!"
  "Verano!"screamedthefootman,triumphantlysubmergingthefluteandthetwentyguitars。"Verano!"
  "TheSouthAmericanIrishpalmistfromtheDowns!Mylove,"saidMr。
  Sagittarius,inacrackingvoice,"weareinitto—night,weareindeed;wearefairlyandsquarelyinit。"
  Madamebegantobridleandtolookasostentatiousasaleviathan。
  "Andifweare,Jupiter!"shesaidinavoicethatrivalledthefootman’s——"ifweare,wearemerelyinourelement。Theyneedn’tthinktocomeoverme!"
  "Hush,mylove!Rememberthat——"
  "Dr。BirdieSoames!"interposedthevibrantbassofthefootman。
  "ThephysiognomyladyfromtheCommon!"saidMr。Sagittarius,onthepointofbreakingdownundertheemotionofthemoment。"Scot!Scot!
  GreatScot!"
  Mrs。Bridgemanwasnowcompletelysurroundedbyaheterogeneousmassofveryremarkable—lookingpeople,amongwhomwerepeculiarlyprominentanenormouslybroad—shoulderedman,withRomanfeaturesandhishaircutoverhisbrowinaroyalfringe,asmallwomanwithapointedrednoseinbeadbraceletsandprune—colouredmuslin,andanelderlyfemalewithshortgrizzledhair,whoworeacollegegownandamortar—boardwithascarlettassel,andwhocarriedinonehandalargeskullmarkedoutinsquareswithredink。ThesewereVerano,theIrishpalmistfromtheDowns;Mrs。ElizaDoubleway,thesoothsayerfromBeck;andDr。BirdieSoames,thephysiognomyladyfromtheCommon。Immediatelyaroundthesecelebritiesweregroupedaverypalegentlemaninashortjacket,wholookedasifhemadehismoneybyeatingnothinganddrinkingagreatdeal,aplethoricfemalewithamundaneface,inwhichwassetalargeanddelicatelydistractedgreyeye;andagentlemanwithajowl,apugnose,andalargequantityofbrass—colouredhairaboutascurlyashay,whichfelldownoveralowcollar,roundwhichwasnegligentlyknottedahugeblacktie。ThistriocomprisedMr。BernardWilkins,theProphetfromtheRise;MadameCharlotteHumm,thecrystal—gazerfromtheHill;andProfessorElijahChapman,thenose—readerfromtheButts。
  NosoonerwasthenewsofthearrivalofthesegreatandnotoriouspeoplebruitedabroadthroughthemagnificentsaloonsofZoologicalHousethanMrs。Bridgeman’sguestsbegantoflockaroundthemfromallthefourquartersofthemansion,desertingeventheneighbourhoodoftheguitarsandtheinvitingseclusionofthevariousrefreshment—
  rooms。Fromallsidesrosethehumofcommentandthemurmurofspeculation。Pince—nezwereadjusted,eyeglassesscrewedintoeyes,fingerspointed,feetelevateduponuneasytoes。PrettygirlsboldlytroduponthegownsofelderlymatronsintheendeavourtodrawneartoMrs。Bridgemanandhergroupofcelebrities;youthspushedandshoved;
  chaperonselbowed,andoldgentlemendartedfromoneplacetoanotherinwildendeavourstofindaninletthroughthepress。Andamidthisfranticscrambleofthecurious,thefamousmembersoftheoccultworldstood,calmlyconsciousoftheirvalueandinnowiseupsetordiscomposed。VeranostrokedhisRomanfeatures,andranhislargewhitehandthroughhiscurlyfringe;Dr。BirdieSoamestappedherskull;Mrs。
  ElizaDoublewayplayedwithherbeadbracelets;Mr。BernardWilkinsandMadameCharlotteHummconversedtogetherindreamymurmurs;whileProfessorElijahChapmanshookhisbrass—colouredhairtillitfellforwardoverhisvariegatedshirt—front,andglancedinquiringlyatthemultitudesofanxiousnoseswhichofferedthemselvestohisinspectionbeneaththeglareoftheelectriclights。
  Mr。andMadameSagittarius,completelyoverlookedinthethrong,elbowed,trampledupon,joggedfrombehindandproddedfrombefore,gazedwithapassionofbitterenvyattheirworshippedrivals,whoweresetinthefullblazeofsuccess,whiletheylanguishedintheouterdarknessofanonymousobscurity。
  "/Omiserishominummen/——don’tsetyourfeetonme,sir,ifyouplease!"criedMadame。"/Opectoraecaec/——ma’am,Ibegyoutotakeyourelbowfrommythroatthisminute!"
  Butevenherpowerfulandindignantorganwaslostinthehubbubthatmingledwiththewildmusicoftheguitars,towhichwasnowaddedthetinkleofbellsandthevehementclickofarounddozenofcastanets,markingthebull—fightingrhythmofanewaircalled"TheEspada’sReturntoMadrid。"
  "Jupiter!"shegurgled。"Ishallbesuff——"
  "Mr。AmosTowle!"roaredthefootmansavagely。
  "ThegreatmediumfromtheWick!"
  "Towletheseer!"
  "AmosTowle,thefamousspiritualist!"
  "Mr。Towlewhomaterialises!"
  "ThecelebratedTowle!"
  "ThegreatandonlyTowle!"
  "Oh,isit/the/Towle?"
  "ImustseeTowle!"
  "Whereishe?Oh,whereisTowle?"
  "Towlewhocommunicateswiththeotherworld!"
  "Towlethemagician!"
  "Towlethehypnotist!"
  "Towlethesoothsayer!"
  "ThemagneticTowle!"
  "TheelectricTowle!"
  "Wemust——wemustseeTowle!"
  Suchwereaveryfewoftheexclamationsthatinstantlyburstforthupontheconclusionofthefootman’sannouncement。Theelbowingandtramplingbecamemoreviolentthanever,andMrs。Bridgemanwasforced——fromlackofroom——toforegohersocietystart,thoughshewasstillabletoindulgeinhersocietysmile,asshebowed,withalmostswooninggraciousness,toashort,perspiring,baldandside—whiskeredmaningreasybroadcloth,wholookedasifhewouldhavebeenquiteathomeupontheboxofafour—wheeledcab,asindeedhewould,seeingthathehaddrivenagrowlerforfive—and—twentyyearsbeforediscoveringthathewasthegreatandonlyTowle,medium,seer,andworker—of—miracles—in—chieftothelargeandincreasingcrowdthatlivesthesillylife。
  "Oh,Mr。Towle——charmed,delighted!"criedMrs。Bridgeman。"Iwassoafraid——HowsweetofyoutocomeoutallthiswayfromyoureyrieattheWick!You’llfindmanyfriends——dearMadameCharlotte——theProfessor——Mrs。Eliza——they’reallhere。AndMissMinerva,too!Yourgreatestadmireranddisciple!"
  Atthismomentthecrowd,wildinitsendeavourtotouchtheinspiredbroadclothofthegreatTowle,surgedforward,andtheProphetwasdrivenlikearamagainsttheleftsideofhishostess。
  "Ibeg——your——pard——"hegasped;"butcouldyoutell——me——whereMissMinerv——erva——is?Ispecial——lywantto——to——"
  "Ithinkshe’swithEurekaintea—roomnumber1,"repliedMrs。
  Bridgeman。"Oh,dear!Neartheband。Oh,dear!Oh,mygown!Oh!Sosweetofyoutocome,Mrs。Lorrimer!Justafewinterestingpeople!Oh,graciousmercy!Oh,forgoodness’sake!"
  Shewasthrustagainstanewarrival,andtheProphet,bringinghisshouldersvigorouslyintoplay,accordingtotherulesofRugbyfootball,presentlyfoundhimselfoutintheopenandfreetowanderinsearchofMissMinerva,whomhewasmostanxioustoencounterbeforethearrivalofSirTiglathButt,whichmustnowbeimminent,despitethemarkeddisinclinationofhishorsetoproceedattherateofmorethanhalfamileanhour。
  TheProphetabandonedMr。andMadameSagittariustotheirfate,thankful,indeed,toberidforamomentoftheirpropheticimportunity。
  FollowingthegaspeddirectionsofMrs。Bridgeman,hemadetowardstheguitars,threadinganumberofdrawing—rooms,andpassingbythedoorsofvariousmysteriouschamberswhichwerecarefullycurtainedoffinamostsecretmanner。Hereandtherehesawgroupsofpeople——meninextraordinarycoatsandwithtouzledmassesofhair,womeningownsmadeofthecheapestmaterialsandcutinthemostimpossiblefashions。
  Someworeconvolvulusontheirheads,ivy—leaves,trailingfuchsia,orsprigsofplantsknownonlytosuburbanhaberdashers;othersappearedboldlyincapsofthepork—pieorder,adornedwithcherry—colouredstreamers,clumpsoffeathersthathadneverseenabird,bunchesofshiningfruits,orcoinsthatlookedasiftheyhadjustemergedfromtheseclusionofthepoor—box。Threadglovesabounded,andweremostlyinwhatsaleswomencall"theloudshades"——brightscarlet,marigoldyellow,grassgreenoracutemagenta。Mittens,too,werevisiblecoveredwithcabalisticinscriptionsinglitteringbeadwork。Notafewgentlewomen,likeMadame,trodinelastic—sidedboots,andonesmallbutintrepidladycarriedherselfboldlyinacottonskirttoppedwithatartanblouse"carriedout"invermilionandsulphurcolour,overwhichwascarelesslyadjustedamacintoshcapepartiallytrimmedwithdistressed—lookingswansdown。HereandtheremightbeseensomesmartLondonwoman,perfectlydressedandglancingwithamusedamazementatthenewfashionsabouther;hereandthereawellset—upman,withnormalhairandatiethatwouldnothaveterrifiedPiccadilly。ButforthemostpartMrs。Bridgeman’sguestswerenotquiteusualinappearance,and,indeed,weresuchastheProphethadnevergazeduponbefore。
  Presentlytheuproaroftheguitarsgrewmorestentorianuponhisear,and,leavingonhisleftanastonishingchamberthatcontainedfromadozentofifteensmallroundtables,withnothingwhateveruponthem,theProphetemergedintoaninnerhallwhere,inquiteagroveofshrubshungwithfairylights,twentyyoungladies,dressedfromtoptotoeinscarlet,andeachwearingalargegoldenmedal,werebeingasSpanishasiftheyhadnotbeenpaidforit,whiletwelvemorewhackedcastanetsandshookbellswithafrenzythatwasworthanexcellentsalary,thesillygentlemanfromTootingthewhileblowingfuriouslyuponhisflute,andcombiningthisintemperateindulgencewithanoccasionalassaultuponacottagepianothatstoodimmediatelybeforehim,orawaveofthebatonthatassertedhisrighttothepositionof/chefd’orchestre/。ImmediatelybeyondthisshrineofmusictheProphetperceivedaMoorishnookcontainingaBritishbuffet,and,inquitethemostMoorishcornerofthisnook,seateduponadivanthatwouldhavebeenathomeinMarakesh,hecaughtsightofMissMinervaincompanywithathin,fatiguedandwispyladyinaverylongvermiliongown,andanextremelysmallgentleman——apparentlyoftheHebrewpersuasion——whowassmartlydressed,worewhiteglovesandabuttonhole,andindulgedinagreatdealoffloridgesticulationwhiletalkingwithabnormalvivacity。MissMinerva,whowasplayingquietlywithalemonice,lookedevenmoresensiblethanusual,theProphetthought,inhersimplewhitefrock。Sheseemedtobequiteathomeandperfectlyhappywithhersillyfriends,but,assoonasshesawhimhoveringanxiouslytotheleftoftheguitars,shebeckonedtohimeagerly,andhehurriedforward。
  "Oh,Mr。Vivian,I’msogladyou’vecome!LetmeintroduceyoutomygreatfriendEureka"——theladyinvermilionbowedabsent—mindedly,androlledherhugebrowneyeswearilyattheProphet——"andtoMr。BriskinMoses。"
  Thelittlegentlemanmadeastagereverenceandflutteredhissmallhandsairily。
  "Prettysight,prettysight!"hesaidinaquickandimpudentvoice。
  "Alltheselittledearsenjoyingthemselvessoinnocently。MotherBridgeman’schickens,Icallthem。Butit’simpossibletocountthem,evenafterthey’rehatched。Cheeseit!"
  Thefinalimperativewasflungdemurelyatamightyfootman,whojustthentriedtoimpoundMr。Moses’snotquitefinishedbrandy—and—soda。
  "Sir?"saidthemightyfootman。
  "Cheeseit!"criedMr。Moses,makingagestureoftragicrepugnanceinthedirectionofthefootman。
  Themightyfootmancheeseditwithdignity,andafterwards,intheservants’hall,spokeverybitterlyofIsrael。
  TheProphetwasextremelyanxioustogetawordalonewithMissMinerva。Indeed,itwasreallyimportantthatheshouldwarnherofSirTiglath’sapproach,buthecouldfindnoopportunityofdoingso,forMr。Moses,whowasnotafflictedwithdiffidence,rapidlycontinued,inaslightlyaffectedandtrippingcockneyvoice,——
  "MotherBridgeman’sadearone!Godblessherforaprettysoul!She’dbesublimeinmusicalcomedy——theblacksatinsocietylady,youknow,whomakesthearistocraticrelief,——
  "’I’maDowagerDuchess,andeveryoneknowsI’maladyrightdowntothetipofmytoes。’
  "Veryvaluableamongtheminxes;worthherweightinhalf—crowns!I’dgiveheranengagementanyday,prettybird!Everseenherdrivinginacab?Shetakesoffherglovesandspreadsherhandsovertheaprontogettheair。Acanary!Anythingformeto—night,Eureka?Adove,amongoose——anythinglucky?Giveusachance,mother!"